Tag: bullies

bullies

The Psychological Benefits Bullies Reap at the Target’s Expense

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Bullies aren’t just a pain in the butt; they’re power-hungry confidence thieves who can wreak havoc on your life if you aren’t careful. Understand that the laws of human nature dictate that no one does or says anything without some sort of psychological benefit.

Bullies reap several benefits at your expense if you’re a target. Here is a list of those benefits:

1. A sense of power – bullies bully for power, control, and domination. Anytime a bully takes a victim down, they get a tremendous rush of power and become addicted to that rush. This is why bullies never bully once. They always come back for more.

It’s no different from being a drug addict. The evil actions, cruelty, and power become a drug in and of themselves.

Also, as with any drug, the same tactics and frequency of bullying lose their potency after a while, so the bully must escalate the torment to keep getting the rush they crave.

For example, when name-calling and verbal abuse of the target lose the thrill they once gave and begin to get boring, bullies will often escalate to either cruel pranks, humiliation, or physical assault and battery to keep getting the rush they look for. It’s the same as when a drug addict builds a drug tolerance and begins taking higher doses.

2. Popularity – Bullies bully because people think it’s cool or cute. Bullying gives the bully lots of attention and visibility from others.

3. Superiority – Bullying gives the bully an appearance of strength and sends a message to those around him that he’s a badass, and they’d be a fool to mess with him. The bully also gives the appearance that he’s a top dog.

4. Attention and Sympathy – if the bully can make the targeted student look like the bad guy, he gets to enjoy the attention and bask in the sympathy others give him.

5. Distraction from their own shortcomings – Bullies are experts at making the target look weak and pathetic. If the bully can distract everyone else’s attention to the victim’s flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings, he can keep the spotlight off his own defects and imperfections. Because if people expect to see trouble coming from a specific place, that’s where they’re going to look.

6. Projection of their own flaws onto someone else – Bullies have a flare for accusing their targets of the same deplorable behavior of which they are guilty. If the bully can make the target look like the bully, then the real bully can go unpunished and continue to attack the victim freely and with impunity. Again, it also takes the focus off his own misdeeds.

7. The satisfaction and gratification of seeing the target suffer – Bullies love to see their targets suffer. For the bully, the victim’s misery is entertainment and gives them a rush of power. Just know they can determine how the target feels and how their day goes gives them a feeling of dominance.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Be a waste of time and energy to them.

When a Target Ditches a Bully

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I can tell you what happened when I deleted one of my former classmates. Before I go any further with my story, I’ll tell you this.

Nobody likes being rejected and dismissed – especially by someone they think is inferior to them. That’s a blow to the ego like one other!

When a bully gets dismissed by the victim, he thought for so long was too weak to stand up to him, oh my God! He. LOSES it! Why? Because in an instant, the victim finally stood his ground, he snatched his power back and left the bully powerless over him for once! Now the bully must go through the headache of finding a new target! Gasp!

This is precisely what happened with my old bully classmate when I unfriended her for a few offhand and snide comments she made on a few of my posts. She became furious! She couldn’t stand it! And I’ve got to tell you. I’m laughing as I’m typing this and thinking back about two years ago.

This half-crazed woman blew up my inbox. And with such vitriolic rage!

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Oh, my goodness! How dare I! The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah of me! O-M-G! I’m such a fake! I’m such a pissy person who deleted her because I got called out! Oooooo! Poor baby! I’m such a weak little bitch who can’t take constructive criticism!

Those were her words before I laughed and pushed that little godsend of a block button. I would’ve pushed the button sooner, but to tell you the truth, I was getting a real kick out of her reaction, and I wanted to give her time to shoot herself in the foot. Sure enough, she did.

I took screenshots of her messages, one in which she repeatedly asked, “Why did you delete me?”, then plastered them all over the internet. The icing on the cake was that the other classmates saw the screenshots too and they were shocked.

Knowing she’d been punked before the eyes of some of her old high school buddies, this she-bully went even more berserk. And it was so fun to watch!

I kid you not. There wasn’t enough popcorn in the world!

You see, this woman thought that I was weak in high school and never bet on the possibility that I might have smartened up a little in the three decades since. So, I went ahead and let her assume what she wanted and trapped her with it.

I want you to know that standing up to and ditching a bully isn’t as hard as you think. It’s quite easy if you don’t let fear or any intense emotion get in your way. Remember that bullies get their power from getting you emotional. And when you finally come to a place where you’re no longer intimidated or angered by them, the better you’ll be able to use your head, find some leverage, and use it as a weapon.

You must understand that when bullies fly into a rage, they no longer have the ability to think clearly. You then have the opportunity to use it to your advantage and make them look like a complete doorknob.

Don’t Ask Why Because Bullies Will Never Tell You.

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Understand that keeping you guessing is half the power bullies have over you. They will never tell you why they bully you also because, in many cases, they don’t know themselves.

To keep you confused and bewildered is a power all its own. Because when you’re confused, you can’t think clearly. And if you can’t think clearly, the less likely you are to figure out what to do to escape the bullies and their abuse. Or worse- how to defend yourself, conquer your bullies, and win your power back.

Understand that bullies will never relinquish their power. Never! And to be truthful as to why they bully you would be like giving secrets to the enemy. To be honest and tell you what they hate about you would be like giving their power away to you, and they’ll be damned if they ever!

bullying mobbie shut up

I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You must know in your heart that you never did anything to deserve the brutal treatment your bullies continuously dish out to you. They are the crazy ones. They are the ones with the problem, and they are the ones who will have to answer for what they’re doing one day, either in this life or the next.

So instead of focusing your attention on trying to find out why your bullies are giving you problems, focus on self-care.

Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What can I do to take care of myself?” or “What can I do to remove myself from the situation and the toxic environment?” Think about what options you have and weigh each of them carefully. Then quietly begin making plans to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible.

If a Bully or Someone Who Normally Mistreats You Starts Being Nice All of a Sudden, LOOK OUT! (Part 2)

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So, your bullies have suddenly had a change of heart. They’re finally treating you right. They’re finally talking to you like you’re equal to them. The bullies are smiling in your face, giving you pats on the back, and talking to you like you’re one of them and you belong.

But you’re smarter than what they give you credit for. You notice that the bullies are so sweet – too sweet. You think that if they don’t stop with the pleasantries soon, you’ll surely fall into a sugar coma!

You also notice a slight fakeness in the tones of their voices and that instead of making you feel good about yourself, they instead make you feel a little gross. But you don’t mention it to them. Just stay polite yet neutral.

The bullies are even inviting you to sleepovers, parties, cookouts, lunch and dinner dates, meetings, and family get-togethers. Every time these people talk to you, they seem to gush over you, and there again is that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You grow suspicious of them, and rightfully so. And in your mind, you ask yourself, “Why are they acting so nice to me all of a sudden?”

You politely decline the invitations they extend to you. But trust me, they won’t give up so easily. There will be a few more tricks up their sleeves. You can bet on it.

Here’s another bad sign to look for:

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1. They’re nosey. The bullies will seem so interested in your life and in what you’re doing. But don’t be flattered. Chances are, they’re only probing you for information they can use against you later.

They will ask you a ton of questions about your family and what you do outside of school or work. Those questions are innocent enough. However, they will slowly and gradually move into more personal territory.

Bullies will begin asking you what your political views and beliefs are and about your religious views. You don’t have to answer those. It’s none of anyone’s business!

Before long, they will begin prying into your personal and private business. These snoops will ask your opinion of this person and that, who you’re dating, how you feel about this, that and the other. They will ask questions that anyone with a brain would know better than to ask. Some things are just off limits!

Bullies will even share with you some personal deets about themselves. But don’t be fooled! They’re only doing it to put you at ease and in hopes that you’ll share a few of yours. Again. Don’t fall for it!

Understand that any time someone asks questions that are none of their business, it’s a dead giveaway that they intend to use your answers against you. Don’t answer them!

Also, anytime people ask you very personal questions, it also means that they don’t respect your right to privacy. And be warned that when you refuse to let them in on your private business, they may come back and accuse you of “having something to hide.”

Don’t believe it! Because it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about knowing that some things aren’t anyone’s business, and they should respect that.

Never share anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!!!