A Deeper Explanation of Power

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Everyone wants to have power. You, me, everyone. It’s human nature to seek power. Because to be completely powerless is hell on earth. That’s why I say, everyone wants power, if only a little of it.

When a person is totally powerless, they live their life on autopilot. In essence, they are as a leaf being blown around in the wind. They’re a sailboat without a sail- being blown on whatever course life dictates for them. And it’s a terrible way to live because, without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Really stop and think about it for a moment. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to, isn’t it? It would be the worst thing that could ever happen to you!

Normal people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through making accomplishments and achievements. They get power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

People who aren’t bullies get their sense of power through having success in their jobs, their family life, their talents, their finances, and their physical health.  Therefore, people start their own businesses or do strenuous workouts every day. It’s also why they display their talents and gifts. And it’s why they take pride in their families.

For instance, a mother gets her sense of power from her ability to create a good home for her babies. A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh. A singer gets her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice, through song. An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport, and a student gets her sense of power through making exceptional grades, getting diplomas/degrees, and winning titles, such as Honor Roll, Summa Cum Laude, or Magna Cum Laude. And they all do it without stepping on others.

Understand that getting power this way doesn’t require hurting others and there are no winners and losers. There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans puts power in two categories- personal power and power over.

Personal power is power over your life’s trajectory. It’s the power to direct your own path- to choose your own wants, having the autonomy to make choices and decisions for yourself, and to do your own thing. There’s no need to harm another person because you are already the director of your own life-movie. Having personal power puts you in the driver’s seat of your life and you are the one who chooses your destination and which route you want to take to get there.

You are the captain of your own ship. The winds may change and blow you off course, but with personal power, you have a rudder to steer your ship back on course. You may have to take detours, and yes, you may have to take the long way to your destination, but you know where you’re going, and you eventually get to where you want to go.

Sadly, bullies cannot achieve personal power. Why? Because bullies are incompetent fools who have no intelligence (social or otherwise). They also have no sense of responsibility, no talent- no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The only way bullies can achieve satisfaction, happiness, success, or self-actualization (power) is to inflict harm on others. The only way they can achieve power in their jobs, families, finances, etc. is by steamrolling people. Bullies are so inept they can’t even survive in this world without hurting others. This kind of power is called power over.

Power over is lording it over another person through force, coercion, and trickery. Power over violates boundaries. It shows no respect or regard, and it seeks to oppress and block the target from all the good things in life- love, peace, success, happiness- freedom. In power over there is a winner (the bully) and a loser (the target). Power over is a zero-sum game. Always!

Power over is against personal power and it only takes it away.

If you’re a target of bullying, it’s so important that you begin taking steps to take back your personal power. Only then will you be free. You will finally begin living instead of existing.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

“The Odd Girl Out (Is The It-Girl Now)”

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(verse)

Remember when you used to laugh at her

Because she didn’t have any friends

Remember how everyone trashed her

Back in school, she wasn’t cool like the rest of them

‘Tried to break her down with glee in your eye

It used to be fun to make her cry

Now you’re chokin’ on the names you called

Because you know, now they don’t phase her at all

(Chorus)

Because the odd girl out is the it-girl now

She’s the movie star you watch on the silver screen

The odd girl out is the it-girl now

Don’t you feel so stupid for being so mean

(Verse 2)

She walked around with a target on her back

And eyes in the back of her head

A broken heart and shattered soul

Downtrodden, beatdown and left in the cold

It used to feel good to keep her down

She used to be everybody’s clown

Jealous Girls taking behind her back

You slandered her name all over town

‘Used to be nobody wanted her around

(Chorus 2)

But the odd girl out is the it-girl now

She left this pitiful town for big and better things

The odd girl out is the it-girl now

‘Feel your jealousy burn, yeah man it stings

(Bridge)

You never thought she’d ever get so far

Oh, but how could you have known

She’d show you up and reach her star

Who’s laughing now?

(Repeat Chorus 1 and 2)

dreamstime_xs_147635621

Yeah, yeah, watch her go she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, see her shine she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, it’s a poke in your eye she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, and you don’t know why she’s the it-girl now!

It’s a poke in your eye, and you don’t know why she’s the it-girl now!

Why I Won’t Attend My 30th High School Reunion

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If you’ve read this blog for long enough, I’m sure you can already guess the answer to that question. “Why not?” you may ask?

There are several reasons:

1.I’d be a fool if I ever trusted them again. And I’d be a damn fool to put myself into a situation where I’d either get sucked into any petty drama or worse- hurt! And if they expect any trust from me, it’s too late. They should’ve have earned it by acting better.

2. Most of my classmates haven’t changed a bit since high school. Many are still the same drama-filled buffoons they were in high school. Only they’ve gotten older and less attractive over the years. They’ve gone from being obnoxious and self-absorbed punks to being angry and bitter mid-lifers who are resentful and crotchety because their lives didn’t turn out like they had thought. And they wouldn’t think twice about causing harm if it meant they could relive the glory days of high school.

3. Also, at high school reunions, people tend to regress into kids again. This little gathering would only be an opportunity for most of the classmates to compare themselves and their lives with one another.

4. Most of them will probably be drinking excessively, which, at our age, equals unattractive, obnoxious, and stupid. And it also means a higher intolerance of liquor than the good old days and being hungover and puking the next day. No, thank you! ‘Not my scene!

5. The reunion would, more than likely, be nothing more than a circus of posturing, showboating, and one-upmanship, where, figuratively, all the women would only talk about who’s gotten fat, who’s got the most wrinkles, and who’s had facelifts, tummy tucks, and boob-jobs. The men would probably only brag about who’s made the most money, who has the most sex, and who can still achieve an erection. And I have no time to listen to a bunch of drunken, and middle-aged adults compare bank accounts, waist measurements, or penis sizes.

6. I forgive my classmates, yes. But it doesn’t mean I desire to play footsie with any of them. Again, many of them will probably be getting sloppy drunk and puking their guts out around a huge bonfire, and they will probably talk about the same boring crap over and over again. And I’ve got better things to do.

So, with that said, anytime you don’t feel safe going to a particular function, trust your instincts and don’t go!

If anyone tries to talk you into going to a gathering of any kind and you know specific people are going to be there- particularly people who’ve brought you drama and those you wouldn’t trust to shovel manure, there’s nothing wrong with rejecting the invite.

Self-care is of the utmost importance. And if going to any function means that you must be around people who’ve given you no reason to trust them, then you have not only a right, but an obligation to yourself not to go!

And if they get offended or angry with you for declining, all the more reason you shouldn’t go! Remember that your safety and peace of mind comes first!

5 Things You Can Do to Lift Your Spirits

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We all have days when we feel down in the dumps. Fortunately, there are things you can do to remedy your situation and chase those doldrums away!

1. Listen to good music – There’s nothing that cures your ills like boogying down to some good dance music or rocking out to the sounds of your favorite rock bands. There something about music that makes us come alive and want to get up and move! So, put on some good tunes and shake your butt!

 2. Go for a walk – Going on a good nature walk on a beautiful Spring day lifts the spirits and feels so good. Walking is also one of the best exercises there is, so, there are physical health benefits to it as well.

 3. Indulge in your hobbies – working on and completing your hobbies brings out your creative side and gives you the feeling of success and accomplishment. It gives you pride in yourself and in your abilities. And who doesn’t love that?

 4. Surround yourself with your favorite people – Being around the people you love, who love you, and who lift you up feeds your soul like nothing else. When you get together with your loved ones, you know you belong, and you get that much needed sense of belonging and togetherness.

 5. Fix yourself up – As the old saying goes, when you look good, you feel good. When you take pride in your appearance, it shows. Looking your best has a way of building your confidence and your self-esteem. And it also has a way of spreading to others.

The good thing as that you have options. Do any one of these things and watch your mood skyrocket in just minutes. You’ll be glad you did. I promise!

Doxxing- When Cyber-Bullying Goes Too Far

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scared and sad female teenager with computer laptop suffering cyberbullying and harassment being online abused by stalker or gossip feeling desperate and humiliated in cyber bullying.

 

Not long ago, I wrote a post entitled, “Cyber-Bullies, Stalkers, and Trolls.” In it I mentioned the importance of not letting faceless cowards get to you. I also mentioned that most of the above were a bunch of losers who were living in their mom’s basements and were bored and miserable with their existences and were to be laughed at or pitied.

And that’s most certainly true with most keyboard warriors. But!

What happens when online bullying goes too far? What happens when you encounter a more sinister troll- one who doxxes you and finds out your address, cellphone number, where you work, go to school, hang out- or, even scarier, who your family members are?

Then, it’s no laughing matter! This is a situation you must take seriously because things can get dangerous fast. If a troll doxxes you and finds out all this information, who’s to say the cyber-stalking bully won’t show up at your door and try to break in? Who’s to say the creep won’t go after your spouse and kids?

Anytime you have a doxxer on your tail, you’re dealing with a very vindictive, diabolical, and mentally disturbed individual(s) and you don’t know what the person is capable of!

In recent years, we’ve heard many, many stories of people being doxxed and creeps showing up on their doorsteps wanting to deal with them personally. Some people have had to go into hiding and a few have even had to go underground. It’s terrifying!

This is not paranoia; these are real and legitimate fears. And it’s plain to see that the law isn’t doing enough to protect innocent, law-abiding citizens when it comes to cyber-bullying and doxxing.

I believe the reason why people aren’t protected, and laws aren’t passed to crack down on trolling, cyber-bullying, cyber-stalking, and doxxing is because neither Big Tech nor the government takes it seriously, and may even condone the behavior.

Big Tech is too powerful. Also, many of our lawmakers, especially ones of the Far Radical Left, secretly encourage this kind of behavior. How else could they keep track of, instill fear in, and censor those who do not go along with their narratives and who don’t live their lives the way the Far Radical Left thinks they should?

So, why would they regulate their own minions and tools who’ve been working for them and risk Big Tech de-funding their causes and campaigns?

Sadly, I don’t expect any laws to be passed to protect private citizens against doxxing anytime soon. In fact, if certain wealthy people on the Far Radical Left (like George Soros, for instance) actually hire people to cyber-bully, troll, and dox “dissenters,” it’s a given that nothing will be done to protect the innocent.

Doxxing cyber bullying

With that said, if you’re ever in a situation where you’ve been cyber-stalked and doxxed by a cyber-bully, you must do what you must do to protect your privacy (or what little of it we all have left). Be aware of your surroundings and if anyone approaches you or breaks into your home, do what you’ve got to do to stay safe!

You have a  God-given, primal, and Constitutional right to protect yourself and the people you love. Yeah! You know what I’m saying. If someone inters your home uninvited and has clear intentions to hurt you and your family, you know what to do!

I may get some heat from the PC “woke” crowd over this post, but I don’t care. When it comes to safety and protection of human lives, any feelings and opinions automatically take a back seat. Period. Full stop!

Because, if some creep ever invades my house and it comes down to the lives of myself and my family, it’s no holds barred!

And I’d much rather be judged by twelve than carried by six- or worse, one of my family members get carried by six.

Toxic Friendship

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Have you ever experienced a toxic friendship. If you’re old enough, you probably have. Here are the signs and symptoms of a bad friend that you must know.

 

Have you ever had so-called friends who seemed to turn hot and cold toward you? Who manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Fake friends who never had your back and always threw you under the bus whenever you were in trouble or in danger? Who treated you shabbily and didn’t seem to care how they hurt you? Whom you had to apologize to for things you weren’t guilty of just to keep the peace?

Have you ever had that particular friend who seemed possessive of you and wanted to keep you all to herself? Who would get angry when she saw you talking to another friend of yours, or worse, treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl?

 

Or…maybe it’s less obvious. Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell him what your plans for the future are. You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Although that may be true- it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try. Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

 

Maybe you have a dream of one day becoming an actor and your friends ridicule you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn.

Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments, or trivialize your accomplishment.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. You also must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not, or if they’re secretly resentful of your success.

 

If you’re having these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends. My loving advice is to find new friends. You owe it to yourself. Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. You deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve friends who value you and don’t want to lose you.

 

But first, you must value yourself. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

Chronic Bullying is Mobbing

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Bullying becomes Chronic when the bullying has gone on over time and has escalated such that it has now reached a dangerous level. In short, bullying has reached epic proportions.

When there’s Chronic Bullying, bullies have grown so comfortable with bullying the target that they skyrocket the torment and pursue their targets obsessively and non-stop. Where there’s Chronic Bullying, there’s no accountability. And where there’s no accountability, there’s simply no incentive to stop.

In the case of Chronic Bullying, the bullies’ behavior has gone ignored and unaddressed by an authority. The bullies have become so brazen, cocky, and encouraged that their actions have grown in strength, frequency, and cruelty over several years.

The bullies’ apathy toward the victim grows to a point where they lose all empathy and come to feel nothing but blind hatred and fury toward the target. The attitude has now become that anything they do to the victim, no matter how cruel or dangerous, is good because, to the bullies, the victim has no value, and his life is worth nothing.

People who bully to these extremes usually have followers and minions backing them up. And they enlist members of their following to do their dirty work. The bullying becomes so significant, so ingrained, and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

The bullies are seemingly drunk on their own power and their hatred that the bullying and torment of you seem to be all the bullies can focus on.

Instead of the bullies controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions begin to control them! The bullies are controlled by hatred and blinded by senseless rage. They have become so addicted to the power and control over another human being that the bullying becomes constant for the bullies to get their fix and maintain the high that the power over the target gives them.

Understand that when bullying becomes chronic, bullies don’t see the target as a human being; they see him as so worthless and inferior that, in their minds, the target doesn’t deserve the time of day, much less any respect. As far as the bullies are concerned, the target doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as them! Even worse- the target doesn’t deserve to breathe, period!

This is why chronic bullying can be especially dangerous to the target because the victim runs the chance of either breaking and committing suicide or being murdered by their bullies.

This is why it’s so important to get out anytime bullying becomes chronic. Get out of that environment- transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area.

Again, because once bullying becomes chronic, it becomes so out of control that it takes on a life all it’s own. There’s no stopping it at this stage.

The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind.

Bullying and Social Proof

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We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves- putting our best foot forward to impress others and show them our best sides, and we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it. We give the illusion that we’re a hot item because we instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to, and we’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; we tend to do what we think everyone else is doing, to follow the pack, to join the bandwagon, to get in on the next big thing, whether it be the new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others!

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena. Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. Although this crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool and might be the opposite of, others perceive them to be and want to hang with them, so you want to hang with them. Therefore, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

With bullying in school or the workplace, if everyone else is bullying you, you can be sure that total strangers who have never met you and even your friends will (if they haven’t already) also try to bully you. Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd!

But know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you and in no way means that you somehow deserve it or did anything wrong. What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.


In essence, bullying you has become a ritual with them—the in-thing to do at your school or your employment place.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare, and the better you’ll feel. Sometimes, just knowing the truth is enough to make you feel better.

Bullies and Their Signature Trait- Hypersensitivity

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Ha! And they call us hypersensitive. Oh yes! Bullies will accuse their targets of being what they themselves are, “too sensitive.”

But have you noticed how they explode in anger and indignation after the smallest of perceived slights? Or how bullies (particularly female bullies) will be the ones who dissolve into a puddle of tears if someone even looks at them cross-ways, or says something hurtful to them? Or worse, they get held accountable for their bad behavior?I saw this happen at school on several occasions and I’ve got to admit, it was hilarious!

In truth, bullies have the sensitivity of the princess in the classic, “The Princess and the Pea.”

The double-standard is clear. Bullies feel intense resentment when targets speak out about their abuse. All the while, bullies feel entitled to do things that are a thousand times worse, not to mention, unspeakable, to the target.

But we are not supposed to talk about that. Right?

Actions speak louder than words. And as humans, we need to rely less on words and more on other’s actions and behavior to get the answers to any questions we have about bullies, abusers, or anyone who does not have our best interests in mind.

That False Sense of Insecurity When You’re a Target

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Bullies will often bully a specific victim for so long that the victim eventually expects maltreatment from all people. Although I no longer get bullied and have long since regained my confidence and self-esteem, I do remember that feeling all too well.

After being bullied for so long, you become fearful. Around people, you clam up, keep your eyes to yourself and go about your business. However, it seldom works because bullies are like pit bulldogs; they can smell fear from a mile away, so being reserved and staying out of the way tends to bring about more bullying.

You can always tell when a person is a victim of bullying because they continuously apologize for everything. Overapologizing is the surefire sign of bullying and abuse, as is being reserved and afraid to look people in the eye.

Understand that the person who does that is scared to death. They’ve lost all sense of their worth and are afraid to make decisions because they might make the wrong one and be ridiculed, shamed, or harmed for it.

Many targets are also afraid to talk to people because they’re afraid of saying something stupid or offensive and again getting persecuted for it. They’re fearful of going out or being seen in public because they might run into the wrong people (bullies).

They’re scared to greet people because they fear that they’ll be seen as too friendly. So, they’re often mistaken for being stuck up or standoffish.

If you are a victim of bullying and you do any of the above, STOP!

Living your life in fear is no way to live! It sucks! It’s a downright miserable existence, and I refuse to keep my head down and clam up to avoid the pettiness of other people!

I want you to realize that you don’t need permission to be yourself or to exist! The day you say, “Screw it! Who cares what those idiots think!” will be the day you get your life back. Things may indeed get worse before they get better. But it’ll be worth it in the long run. I guarantee it.

How to Use Your Bullies’ Attacks Against Them

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You drag them out.

What do I mean by this?

When they attack you with insults, you simply say, “That’s your opinion,” or “Opinions vary.” When you do this, you will only force the bullies to repeat the attacks over and over again- drag them out until they become boring and redundant.

I won’t kid you; this technique won’t be an easy thing to do. Any time we are attacked, our first instinct is to jab back with attacks of our own. But sadly, this usually proves ineffective as it only pulls us down to the bully’s level.

Also, although this method can be effective in the workplace, it’s much harder and usually takes much longer to have an effect as adults are more tenacious and stealthier with their bullying. This strategy works much better in the school environment.

Respond, yes. But react, no.

And how you respond is with short comebacks like those above, then walk away and leave the bullies standing there, running their mouths and looking stupid. Because, when you don’t give them the response they want (which is for you to attack them back by name-calling, yelling, screaming, or cursing), their natural reactions will be to repeat, repeat, repeat like a broken record.

In other words, you force the bullies to repeat the same attacks until it gets so old and stale that others outside the bully/target dynamic get thoroughly sick of hearing the bullies that they no longer pay attention to it.

In deploying this neat little method, you expose the bullies’ fakery and the childishness of their attacks. You also expose the weakness of the bullies’ position, which they thought was their strength. Instead of turning their “audience” against you, they end up alienating them because bystanders become bored after a while.

Sadly, I didn’t know this at the time I was a target.

Your Mind Is Your Own. Keep It That Way.

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Bullies don’t only want to hurt you or destroy your good name. More than anything, they want to get into your head and alter your mind.

The worst thing about bullying isn’t the physical assaults. Cuts and bruises heal easily. It isn’t even the name-calling, the smears, the rumors, or the marginalization. It’s what it can do to the mind if we aren’t careful.

The worst thing that can happen to a target of bullying is when he begins to believe what he’s being told. The worst thing that happens is when she begins to see herself through the eyes of the very people who hate her and who want nothing more from her than her complete destruction and ruination.

Anytime a target begins to believe he is nothing, he does himself a huge disservice because he discards his own definition of him and replaces it with that of his bullies. He values the bullies’ opinions over his own.

I cannot stress enough the importance of loving yourself even when it looks as if others don’t love you back. You must continue to believe in yourself even when it seems that no one else does. You must also continue to stand your ground even when people want to bury you in it.’

That’s how you keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. It’s how you keep even a little bit of your dignity and it’s how you protect your spirit from being broken.

Yes, your confidence may take many blows, but it doesn’t have to die. Your self-esteem may be pummeled, but you can keep it for hitting rock bottom. Bullies may break off pieces of your dignity, but you don’t have to give them the piece of it you still hold for yourself. Your spirit may take a hard beating, but only you decide whether to let them break it.

In short, you don’t have to surrender everything that matters to your bullies.’

You have more power than you know. Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have. No matter what they take from you, they can never take your mind if you don’t let them.

“Power is not what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Think about that quote for a moment and realize that it’s what all bullies live by.

I Can’t Find The Words of Comfort for Anyone Affected by Bullycide

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positive peace candle

Since I’ve been advocating for the bullied, I’ve met and talked to so many families- parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, spouses, children, cousins and friends who have lost a loved one to suicide. I’ve read, heard about, and listened to their heartbreaking stories. I’ve watched them cry, and I’ve often struggled to find the words to tell them how my heart breaks for them. What are the right words to say to someone who has suffered so significant a loss?

I’ve listened to stories from grieving parents who have lost a child to bullying and suicide. While they told me the story of the events which led up to their child’s death, I could hear the anguish in their voices. I could sense the many questions which continue to flood their minds that may never be answered! I could feel the injustice of it all, and let me tell you; it shook me to my core!

I can’t help but feel a wide range of overwhelming emotions- heartbreak and empathy for the surviving parents and family, intense anger toward the bullies who pushed that child over the edge and disgust at the school and school district, who did nothing to help, or worse, only intensified the child’s suffering. I feel nothing but rage and contempt for a system that failed this young person and their family and at the people in power who were in a position to help the poor young man or lady but didn’t!

Although I have lost a spouse to suicide and know what it is to experience the loss from it, I realize this: The loss of a spouse is terrible and heart-wrenching. Yes. But it isn’t quite the same as losing a child.

Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

I try to put myself in the parent’s shoes, but it’s unbearable. I cannot imagine what a parent goes through. The unanswered questions, having dreams of their child’s future, disappear! Not long ago, I looked into the eyes of one grieving mother, and I wanted to cry but managed not to. I wanted to be strong for her because she needed me to be!

My oldest son went through a period of bullying, so I know this could just as easily have been him years ago. And I honestly don’t know if I could have held up as well as this mother has!

Try to imagine having that baby you once carried for nine months- the baby you felt move and kick inside your belly- ripped from your life forever! Imagine losing that precious, tiny creature, you once held for the first time in the hospital, whose sweet little face you gazed lovingly on, and were unable to take your eyes off of!

FILE – In this Monday, Sept. 16, 2013 file photo, pallbearers wearing anti-bullying T-shirts carry the casket of Rebecca Sedwick,12, to a waiting hearse as they exit the Whidden-McLean Funeral Home in Bartow, Fla. One of two teenage girls charged with stalking Rebecca Sedwick, a Florida classmate who complained of being bullied before her suicide no longer faces any criminal counts, her attorney said Wednesday, Nov. 20, 2013. (AP Photo/Brian Blanco, File)

I cannot fathom the despair of having to bury the child I was sure would someday bury me! Understand that this goes against the natural order of things! I cannot imagine the total shock and disbelief- that feeling of being kicked in the gut that goes with such a loss! And I struggle to find the words to comfort any parent who has lost a child to bullycide!

What are the right words? How do you communicate to a grieving family member how much you hurt with them and how much you long to ease their suffering and wish you could? And how you wish that there was some way- SOME way you could bring that loved one back to them.

If you have a heart as I do, you want to reach out and hug that person! You want to hold them. You want to console them. You want to take away their pain. But anything short of doing the impossible, you know, will never be enough to ease their suffering.

Sympathy card with burning candle and rose on open book

Like me, you try to imagine how you’d feel if it were your child, but you can’t. You can’t bear the mere thought crossing your mind. But these families have lived it, and they continue to live it every day. Understand that this is a massive loss that this mother, this father, this sibling, this grandparent will carry for the rest of their lives!

Nothing will ever be the same for them again. Realize that this is a new normal (if that’s what you want to call it) that they will never be able to adjust to. Every day from here on will be another day of struggle- another day of fighting to keep it together- another day to act like you’re okay because you’re afraid of overwhelming the people around you. How long can these broken parents keep up the charade?

Again, words can never say how my heart breaks for them. All I can do is be there for them and listen as I struggle to find the words of support and compassion they so need to hear.

Maybe the reason I struggle for the right thing to say is that there are no words! There are no words that could ever quell the grief of a loss so heavy and so devastating! No words can ever provide complete consolation or comfort. And no words can ever bring justice to the loved ones left behind.

To all, who have lost a family member- a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, especially a child, to suicide or bullycide, know that I’m here for you. It doesn’t matter if we know each other or are total strangers. And even though I struggle to find the words to tell you, rest assured that I care. My heart cries with you, and I have the utmost love, sympathy, and compassion for you!

You are always in my thoughts and prayers!

We Are What We Think

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You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” So, it goes with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

Targets of bullying can start off as confident and outgoing people. But after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure, afraid, and withdrawn. Sometimes, they can turn against themselves. They began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life. They stop believing in their own good qualities. They no longer think they’ll ever be loved, ever be accepted, or ever be successful and that nothing will ever go right for them.

Law of Attraction

Then, sure enough, things begin to happen that matches their thoughts and feelings. These poor people began to fall out with friends and family, they have back-to-back bad breaks. They finally develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected, unsuccessful, and unlucky.

Here’s how it works:

You must realize that your thought patterns determine your outlook (attitude).

Your outlook determines your decisions and behavior.

Your decisions and behavior determine your outcomes.

Your outcomes determine your life and the events that happen in it.

All this then re-enforces your outlook or attitude.

This becomes a cycle and cycles always repeat themselves.

Anytime you think a thought, you send a message into the universe and, sooner or later, you get a response that matches, and the response always returns as an event, situation, or circumstance. And once it becomes a vicious cycle in your life, it’s damn hard to break that cycle.

Know that this cycle can be broken, but it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. I can tell you from experience that the changes won’t happen overnight, and the reason is that, once a pattern is set, unseen forces (like your subconscious mind, for instance) will, at first, fight against any change you try to make. You could say that these unseen forces (your subconscious) have become comfortable with the way things are and, just as most people hate change, so do the higher powers at work.

But know that if you keep at it, your breakthrough will present itself eventually. It has to after a while because of your refusal to give up.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you must be very careful that you don’t allow your bullies and the lies and toxic messages they send to influence the way you think of yourself. You must fight like the devil to hold on to your self-belief. Your life and its trajectory depend on it!

If you hold on to your positive attitude and sense of self from the very beginning, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and hard work in the future. Most of all, you’ll save yourself from a lot of future pain and misery.

When You Look into The Face of a Target of Bullying

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You see the anguish- the desperately yearning to belong.

You see the hopelessness and despair- the wondering if things will ever get better.

You see the fear- the knowing he/she could be physically or psychologically attacked at any moment, or many even killed.

You see the sadness- the wanting to cry but not daring to for fear of looking weaker than they already look to others.

You see the determination- the determination to survive another day.

You see the silent pleas for help- help that is being denied and seems to never come.

You see the lack of trust in humanity- because the person has been let down too many times. How can that trust be restored?

You see the exhaustion- the weariness of the constant battle they face.

Lastly, you see the yearning for peace- the desperately wanting the war to stop so they can relax, breathe, and not have to fight anymore.