After being bullied for so long, targets can develop social anxiety. They withdraw from people because they fear future attacks. The target’s spirit has been beaten down and broken and the person has been abused to the point of losing faith in humanity. Also, they’re reprogrammed to believe the bullies’ lies that they aren’t worthy of love and friendship. They are under the presumption that it’s much safer not to engage in any social interaction.
But what the target doesn’t realize is that in closing himself off from the rest of the world, he unknowingly limits himself in all aspects of life.
Humans were created to socialize and to have relationships. When targets create this invisible fortress around them, it doesn’t ensure their safety but only brings about more bullying. Bullies get their power from our fear. They are like ferocious animals who can smell fear from a mile away and believe me. They take full advantage.
Moreover, targets miss out on relationships that, otherwise, could be and would be fulfilling and rewarding. They unwittingly forego opportunities for friendship, dating, even good jobs that can produce personal success and financial well-being. Because if a person doesn’t believe in themselves, no one else will- that includes potential friends, dates, and company managers and supervisors. No one wants to be friends with, date, or hire someone who isn’t sure of himself unless they have low self-esteem themselves.
People recognize, if only subconsciously, social anxiety when they see it and not only through the more obvious signs, such as quietness, avoidance, trembling, blushing, stuttering or sweaty palms.
Social anxiety can also be more covert, showing itself in less obvious ways:
- Excessive laughing and giggling
- Appearing normal on the outside but nervous and shaky on the inside
- Excessive humor and being overly funny or no sense of humor at all
- Excessive sarcasm/having a smart-alicky attitude
- Being overly friendly/too nice
- Shutting down/freezing up- unable to talk or move
- Meanness/rudeness
- Fidgeting/can’t sit still
- Lack of or too much eye contact
- Poor posture/looking down all the time
- Having a hard time keeping up with a conversation
- Talking too loudly, too fast, too soft, too slow, or not at all
- Indifference
- Excessive use of foul language
- Promiscuity/raciness
- Wearing attire that is provocative or super-revealing
- A style that is “perceived” as separatist or out of the ordinary (goth, punk-rock, etc.)
The difficult thing is that those covert signs don’t always mean that the person has social anxiety. Many people just have their own sense of style or they may be naturally introverted. They may also have a boisterous personality. If you do not know the person or aren’t close to them, it’s hard to tell.
But one thing that is noticeable is if the person never exhibited this kind of behavior or look before and suddenly, or within a short amount of time transitions into it. And these kinds of changes can only be noticeable to those who are close to the person or have been around the person for years.
Therefore, if you know a person who is showing these signs, instead of pointing a finger and judging them cruelly, ask questions and find out why. You may not realize that person could be a target of bullying or another form of abuse.
And if you are a target of bullying and struggling with social anxiety, I want you to know that you don’t have to live in that invisible prison forever. Bullies do not deserve value and you shouldn’t place any worth to their opinions of you. Understand that you are enough and that your bullies haven’t earned your respect nor your attention.
Only value the opinions or thoughts of the people who love you and whose opinions deserve your consideration, attention, and acknowledgement.
Start loving yourself and practicing self-care. Relax and be yourself. Embrace your flaws and quirks because we all have them whether we admit it or not. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. I promise you that you’ll be much happier and have more peace of mind when you do.
The question targeted people have to ask first is: why do they feel they can bully me? Once there is an answer to this question, one can work out a plan and recover from any bullying by addressing every single aspect.
Blushing is sometimes a medical condition, one can overcome that, too. I did that involving myself in an acting group which gave performances. That was like 50 years ago, but it helped a lot and after that, I had no problem giving any public speeches to any size of auditorium.
Sometimes, it can be the perception of a person that they are bullied.
Clinically serious anxiety is a tough matter, but very treatable.
The baseline is: you always switch from the victim to manager of your life, and one can do that at any age.
I have noticed that many bullied kids come from a family where there is a very dominating parent, mother most often. There’s something about such family psychology which prevents kids from being true selves.
Social anxiety can be an issue with anybody, hence not everybody is or should be comfortable engaging socially. Once again, that depends a lot on family and what it represents, as well as how realistic the assumptions of socially acceptable behavior are.
Verbal abuse can be bad, but physical abuse of bullies can lead to life-long traumas or worse. The sooner kid can stand up for him/herself, the better. Also, it’s bad that lots of kids feel they cannot share everything with their parents for many reasons. That’s the first thing which must be addressed.
I so agree! Many bullied kids do come from abusive or neglectful families.
I have been through all of these things and my Asperger’s added to it. It was a vicious circle. I was bullied because I was perceived as ‘weird.’ I acted weird because I was bullied.
I completely understand, Michael. Being bullied by everyone you know would make an NT act weird too, let alone someone on the spectrum.
Social anxiety can be overwhelming. You always feel like people are talking about you, laughing at you, or looking at you when you enter a room. You are never at peace. If you do take a chance at romance and they don’t reciprocate you feel like something is wrong with you.
Absolutely. I remember feeling the same way when I was young. Thank the Lord I got over that because it’s like living in a prison without walls.
And what is the hardest thing is there are lots of times no one said a word but you feel like you did! So it is hard enough you are dealing with real bullying, the normal pains of puberty and the awkwardness that comes with that, and then throw in Social Anxiety as well there is no relief.
You got that right! It’s the hardest age in life, I believe.
Yes, I think this is what I have been through some years ago, and thank you for sharing, Cheriewhite I should read my post it could be related to this
You’re very welcome, Tristram. And I’ll definitely find your post and read it.