Tag: fear of rejection

Stop Worrying About the Future and Enjoy the Here and Now

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There’s a reason why some people make it a point to never to worry until it’s time to worry. What’s going to happen will happen, and they refuse to worry about things that haven’t occurred yet- and may never come to pass.

Too many people worry needlessly, which is why we had the stock market crash and the numerous closing and shortages of necessities last year, when COVID first hit. Was and is COVID something to be concerned about? Absolutely! But was and is it something to panic over. No.

The COVID crisis is just an example. But even before the crisis, people worried needlessly.

“Oh, my God! My girlfriend is going to leave me!”

“My boss is mad at me! I’m going to get fired!”

“My grandmother is 89 years old! Oh, no! She’s going to die soon!”

“Oh, no! We have a thunderstorm, so a tornado is likely to hit!

“I’m afraid to drive a car because I could have an accident and die!”

“My kid is not studying! He’s going to make bad grades!”

“Oh, no! China is mad at us and is likely to invade us!”

There’s nothing wrong with being concerned over something if there’s a threat. But freaking out over it as if it’s the end of the world doesn’t help matters any.

No one is saying that you should put on rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything’s peachy king because to go to the opposite extreme is just as dangerous. Not that I’m putting anyone down, but running out and buying a five-year supply of toilet paper like so many did when the pandemic first hit was a bit extreme. There’s a healthy middle we should stay in when it comes to worry. I could understand stockpiling things like food and medical supplies and maybe cleaning supplies. But toilet paper?

But, ‘you see? That’s what excessive worry does to people. It causes them to make irrational decisions.

Studies show that over half the things we incessantly worry about never end up coming true. So, again. Should we worry needlessly and excessively?

Understand that excessive worry only stops us from being able to think clearly and blocks our ability to make good choices and decisions. If we’re too worried, we’re more likely to make the wrong decisions to try and contain a perceived threat. Also, it lessens our capacity to focus on real problems.

But if we lessen our worry, we’re more likely to come up with better solutions to our problems.

And the best part is, if we train ourselves not to worry excessively, we’ll have more happiness and peace of mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Collective Guilt Fallacy

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Man scolding himself in a mirror, his reflection feeling guilty

Today, more than ever, we are seeing the age-old bullying tactic, called the Collective Guilt Fallacy, being played out all over the world. The global powers that be are targeting certain groups of people and trying their darnedest to make them believe that they should feel guilty for things that they had nothing to do with- that they should somehow take responsibility and atone for evils that were committed before they were even born. Also, these people demand that the entire group be punished for the sins of a few bad apples who so happen to share the same skin color.

This is wrong, and, at the same time, it’s racism, no matter how you slice it. It is also bullying and promotes such of innocent people who may share the same physical characteristic.

I want you to realize that if you share any physical characteristic as a few monsters who commit evil acts against innocent people. It does not mean that you are responsible for their atrocious behavior. Understand that it’s the individual who is responsible for their sins, not the entire group.

Here’s why:

1.You, as an individual and separate person, have no control over the behavior of another individual person. The only person you have, have ever had, and will ever have control over is yourself and your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Each individual human being on Earth (past, present, and future) has their own mind and their own choices to make. You can never choose for them. Therefore, trying to control another person is like trying to control the weather- telling another person not to commit a horrific act is like telling the sun not to rise- it’s impossible!

 Therefore, it is a complete waste of your time to feel guilty over things you have absolutely no control over and the people who tell you that you should feel guilty obviously have no clue about humanness.

Here are a few other reasons why you shouldn’t feel guilty for the sins of others with whom, you may or may not share some sort of physical characteristic:

2. You only cause yourself unnecessary pain. Life already has enough pain in it and you’re not immune to that, so why compound it? You only hold yourself back.

3. Again, you take blame for things that are completely out of your hands. And, trust me, it’s a heavy load and not your burden to carry. The only person responsible for the sins of yesterday and today are the terrible and evil individuals who commit them. If you’ve done nothing wrong, haven’t harmed anyone, and you have the courage to speak out against evil, you’re not accountable for what a few pieces of human filth do. It doesn’t matter which ones, nor how many physical characteristics you may share with them.

4. You allow others to trick you into becoming a victim when you allow them to fool you into thinking you should make up for the sins of a few ignoramuses in your group: And this is utter lunacy. It’s also a sign of self-loathing and toxic shame.

5. In your willingness to pander and virtue signal, you become a scapegoat, a stooge, a pansy! In short, you give away your power. By kneeling and bowing down to people who claim to be “oppressed,” you put yourself in the position of being ridiculed and shamed, for doing just that- bowing down and becoming someone’s scapegoat. Know that you’re better than that!

6. You only show that you just might be trying to hide the same sins of your own: Anyone who feels they must virtue signal is only doing it to either get attention and fame, or they do it because they’re guilty of the same sins they’re being accused of. Ouch! Yes! I said that!

I want you to know that if you know who you are and you know deep in your heart that you aren’t the oppressor or evil person certain activist groups and individuals say you are, you won’t feel any need to prove it. You won’t feel like you must pander or virtue signal. Instead, you’ll refuse to do so because you know without a shadow of a doubt that what they label you isn’t who you are at all.

You will be confident in that. You will feel no guilt because you’ll never define yourself by the labels thrust on your group. And you will be comfortable with yourself and with the decisions you’ve made. Even better, you will be happy and you will let those insidious and false labels bounce off you and walk away.

You will also never let any SJW define you. Because believe it or not, no SJW can ever know your inner reality. And anytime they claim to know it and wrongful judge you, they only play God because they claim to know the unknowable.

Also understand that throwing off false guilt and labels starts at the individual level. Only you, the individual can determine your reality. And only you can choose whether to believe the false labels they thrust on you, or to reject them.

Take comfort is this. Be not afraid. Because in their labeling, they only confess their own bullying, their own bitterness, their own rage, and their own hate.

Targets of Bullying and Social Anxiety

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After being bullied for so long, targets can develop social anxiety. They withdraw from people because they fear future attacks. The target’s spirit has been beaten down and broken and the person has been abused to the point of losing faith in humanity. Also, they’re reprogrammed to believe the bullies’ lies that they aren’t worthy of love and friendship. They are under the presumption that it’s much safer not to engage in any social interaction.

But what the target doesn’t realize is that in closing himself off from the rest of the world, he unknowingly limits himself in all aspects of life.

Humans were created to socialize and to have relationships. When targets create this invisible fortress around them, it doesn’t ensure their safety but only brings about more bullying. Bullies get their power from our fear. They are like ferocious animals who can smell fear from a mile away and believe me. They take full advantage.

Moreover, targets miss out on relationships that, otherwise, could be and would be fulfilling and rewarding. They unwittingly forego opportunities for friendship, dating, even good jobs that can produce personal success and financial well-being. Because if a person doesn’t believe in themselves, no one else will- that includes potential friends, dates, and company managers and supervisors. No one wants to be friends with, date, or hire someone who isn’t sure of himself unless they have low self-esteem themselves.

People recognize, if only subconsciously, social anxiety when they see it and not only through the more obvious signs, such as quietness, avoidance, trembling, blushing, stuttering or sweaty palms.

Social anxiety can also be more covert, showing itself in less obvious ways:

  1. Excessive laughing and giggling
  2. Appearing normal on the outside but nervous and shaky on the inside
  3. Excessive humor and being overly funny or no sense of humor at all
  4. Excessive sarcasm/having a smart-alicky attitude
  5. Being overly friendly/too nice
  6. Shutting down/freezing up- unable to talk or move
  7. Meanness/rudeness
  8. Fidgeting/can’t sit still
  9. Lack of or too much eye contact
  10. Poor posture/looking down all the time
  11. Having a hard time keeping up with a conversation
  12. Talking too loudly, too fast, too soft, too slow, or not at all
  13. Indifference
  14. Excessive use of foul language
  15. Promiscuity/raciness
  16. Wearing attire that is provocative or super-revealing
  17. A style that is “perceived” as separatist or out of the ordinary (goth, punk-rock, etc.)

The difficult thing is that those covert signs don’t always mean that the person has social anxiety. Many people just have their own sense of style or they may be naturally introverted. They may also have a boisterous personality. If you do not know the person or aren’t close to them, it’s hard to tell.

But one thing that is noticeable is if the person never exhibited this kind of behavior or look before and suddenly, or within a short amount of time transitions into it. And these kinds of changes can only be noticeable to those who are close to the person or have been around the person for years.

Therefore, if you know a person who is showing these signs, instead of pointing a finger and judging them cruelly, ask questions and find out why. You may not realize that person could be a target of bullying or another form of abuse.

And if you are a target of bullying and struggling with social anxiety, I want you to know that you don’t have to live in that invisible prison forever. Bullies do not deserve value and you shouldn’t place any worth to their opinions of you. Understand that you are enough and that your bullies haven’t earned your respect nor your attention.

Only value the opinions or thoughts of the people who love you and whose opinions deserve your consideration, attention, and acknowledgement.

Start loving yourself and practicing self-care. Relax and be yourself. Embrace your flaws and quirks because we all have them whether we admit it or not. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. I promise you that you’ll be much happier and have more peace of mind when you do.