Anytime you are the object of a bully’s hostility, it really isn’t about you. It’s about them. Here are things bullies tell their targets and the real meaning behind it.
“You’re fat! You’re ugly! You’re weird, stupid,” etc.
What is the meaning behind it? It depends on the circumstances. If the target is overweight, the bully is only pointing it out to make themselves feel better. What the bully is really saying is,
“I have flaws that I’m afraid are worse and more noticeable than yours. So, I’m going to point out your flaws to distract everyone’s attention from my own.”
“You Snitched on me! Now You’re Going to Pay!”
Here’s what the bully is actually saying.
“You exposed me and got me into trouble! You made me look like the bully that I really am! You outted my true personality and humiliated me! So, I’m going to get back at you for it!”
“You think you’re so smart, cute, cool, pretty,” etc.
Here’s the meaning behind it.
“Your good qualities overshadow mine! I’m living in your shadow! Your talents and natural gifts are better than mine, and you’re getting more attention than I am! You make me feel inferior to you! So I’m going to put you in your place by crushing your self-worth! I’m going to convince you that you’re not that important and make you too afraid to show your good qualities! Then I can shine!”
“You make me want to…”
Anytime a bully mistreats you and says that you make them do it, they’re only telling you,
“ I’m afraid of being unmasked and being held responsible for my horrid behavior, so I’ve got to blame you so I can be let off the hook and leave you holding the bag! If I can make you look like the bully, I can keep on screwing with you anytime I want in the future because no one will believe you if you snitch on me again!”
“Nobody Likes You!”
What the bully is really saying:
“Nobody likes me either. They only pretend to. So I’m going to make you think Nobody wants you to crush your confidence! Then hopefully, you’ll withdraw from people and self-sabotage your own relationships!”
“I don’t like you!” or “I hate you!”
Here’s what the bully is really saying:
“You make me feel inferior! You intimidate me! You outshine me in some way! You have what I want and can never have! So, I’m going to hoodwink you into believing you did something to cause me to dislike or hate you and, hopefully, ruin your self-esteem!”
Bullies have big egos. It always goes back to them. Bullies are all about “Me,” “Myself,” and “I.”
Understand that anytime a bully says these things to you without being provoked? The most likely reason is jealousy, and that they see you as a threat to their popularity.
Always remember that if this happens and leaves you bewildered, wondering what you did to deserve it!
Bewilderment is always your first clue!
So how much of this is just human nature and really will not change? I admit I am very thankful when I was in school we did not have social media which seems to amplify things. There have been times I find myself getting angry. I find myself thinking you only now see bullying. Seems the only thing that can be done is people not condoning the behavior and standing up to those that are targets. Am I missing something? Your posts are excellent by the way.
Thank you so much, Keith. And all of it is a DARK part of human nature, yes. Humanity does have two side to it. However, it doesn’t mean we can’t train one side to rule over the other and it doesn’t mean we use this fact as an excuse and allow evil people to harm others. We have a choice whether to condone bullying and allow it to continue, or hold the perpetrators responsible and take care of the target.
That’s what I was referring to. It sounds like people need to stand up more to it. Especially those in positions of authority. I don’t know if you can reprogram the bully per se.
I agree. You cannot change a bully by yourself. The bully has to want to change and do better. And it’s also tough to get those in authority to hold bullies accountable for their behavior. The best thing we can do is to teach targets to stand up for themselves because the only thing bullies understand is power and strength. They don’t understand any kind of reasoning or compromise. They only understand power and that’s why we must teach targets the proper tools to take back their personal power. That means teaching targets confidence, boosting their self-esteem, and teaching them how to defend themselves.
How can you tell if you work for one? Is a narcissist a type of bully?
Absolutely a narcissist is a type of bully. Most seasoned bullies are, in fact, narcissists. You can tell your boss is a bully by the following signs:
1. Brags on himself a lot.
2. Barks orders and treats subordinates like trash.
3. Has a target or a few targets, he treats the worst.
4. High turnover in your department or company
5. Morale of the employees under him is low.
1. 2. *3* 5
Uh-oh!
Oops! I meant to include this:
6. Also a completely know-it-all.
If I had your email I could share screen shots of what I go through. Lol.
Here’s my email, Keith:
CherieWhite69@gmail.com. Be sure to delete it after you jot it down.
I got it. You can delete. I’m unable to.
I sure will, Keith. I look forward to your email.
In reality, it’s up to the target to stand up to the bullies and to protect themselves. Many targets have been bullied so badly that they’ve become afraid of any kind of conflict. We must teach them that in life, they must face conflict if they ever expect for their situations to get better.
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