Tag: bullies

bullies

When Bullies Talk in Code Around Their Targets

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bullies talk in code

I remember sitting in class one morning and overhearing my bullies and others degrade and threaten a girl named “Jenny”, someone I had never met but who was, according to the talkers, in our age group.

She didn’t go to our school, so I figured she was a girl they knew who went to a different school.

They would call Jenny the foulest of names and tell each other aloud what they would love to do to her, and what they would do if they didn’t think they’d be held accountable.

As I listened to their conversation, I began to feel bad for this poor mystery girl.

Certain classmates would say things like,

“Jenny is so fake!”
“Jenny is such a little whore!”
“That Jenny is such a disgusting skank! I want so badly just to kill her!”
“If I thought I wouldn’t go to jail, I’d cut her throat and leave her in a ditch to die! She doesn’t deserve to breathe!”
“I’d cut her heart out and feed it to her!”
“Maybe we should put arsenic in her lunch; maybe we could do it like that!”

These kids were making very detailed comments which were nothing short of sick and demented, and it frightened me for this Jenny girl. My first instinct was to find out who she was and warn her about those monsters!

help code bullying

Much to my horror, I later learned from another source that this girl, Jenny, was really me they were discussing, and it shook me to my very core!

“Jenny” was only a code name. It was one thing to have others dislike you and not want to be around you, but, in my young mind, it was worse to think they wanted me dead.

This would be terrifying to anyone, more so to a teenage girl. Fortunately, I changed schools shortly after, and things took a complete turn for the better.

Know that bullies are slick and sometimes, they will talk in code if their target is anywhere nearby. If you hear anyone talking that way about not only you but anyone, avoid them and keep as far away from them as you can, if possible. Because if they’d talk about another human being this way, it goes to show that their minds are not in a good place.

Understand that when you avoid harmful and hurtful people, it is not because you are “chicken,” but because you are smart enough to avoid drama and negativity.
Sadly, when you are the object of bullies, the only person you have in your corner is you!

If you don’t take care of yourself, no one will! Therefore, it is up to you to do whatever it is that you have to do (within legal limits, of course) to ensure your safety and peace of mind.

Bullying and Jerky Behavior. What’s the Difference?

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Everyone deals with jerks and disrespect, but not everyone gets bullied.

Jerks and disrespect are a normal part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is a whole other animal. Although a jerk’s behavior is hurtful and negative, it does not mean that it can be classified as bullying.

When is hurtful behavior classified as bullying, and how do we tell the difference between bullying and disrespect? What is the difference between a jerk and a bully?

When a person is “just being a jerk,” his/her bad attitude is random, sporadic, and directed at anyone at any time.

On the other hand, bullying is when the ill-treatment becomes a habit or pattern and is directed towards one person in particular- the same person over time.

Bullying requires a target! It is systematic, deliberate, vicious, and always escalates over time. Bullying involves smear campaigns, witch hunts and is relentless. Bullying seeks to destroy.

A jerk is afraid you might want something from him.

A bully wants something from you.

Bullies Have to Search for Flaws to Point Out

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Bullies may not have anything on you. Therefore, they must search. Oh, yes! Bullies have to search for dirt. They must look hard for something to get angry at you about. Bullies are on a constant hunt for things that are possibly wrong with you, and believe me. They’re like hounds sniffing a trail.

Bullies will search- and search- and search! They will hunt for anything, no matter how trivial and no matter how minute or tiny the flaw. Then when they find it, they will blow it up- make a big deal of it.

So, understand that bullies are always on the prowl for dirt, controversy, and scandal. And if they can’t find anything, don’t think they won’t invent something.

If bullies select you as their target, they will go over everything about you with a fine-toothed comb.

1.They will scan every word that comes out of your mouth for the slightest hint of sarcasm, stupidity, slowness of mind – anything they can take offense to, be annoyed with, pick apart, or twist to suit a vicious narrative.

2. They look you up and down, then back up. Bullies search your face for the slightest blemish and smallest mole, pimple, or birthmark. They scan the clothes you wear to see if they’re old hand-me-downs or if they’re brand new latest fashions from the department store. Bullies will study your attire carefully, looking for the slightest stain or tear.

3. Bullies stare at your body to see if you’re even the slightest overweight or underweight. They check your nose to see if it’s a millimeter too long and your ears to see with they’re too big.

4. They scan your hair to see if it’s too straight or too curly and your eyes to see if they’re too buggy-looking or too wide-set.

5. They look deep into your eyes, seemingly down into your very soul, trying to see if you are hiding something from them- trying to ferret out your emotional state.

6. Bullies watch your every move, just waiting, with bated breath, for you to trip, fall, drop something- anything they can use against you.

curiosity eye in the keyhole – spy concept

7. Bullies also have an ear cocked for any damaging information about you- any mistake you may have made or anything you may have done wrong sometime in the past- even if it was years ago.

But know this.

If your bullies have to look for stuff to use to throw shade on you, they were probably never bothered by you in the first place. And, truth be known, they’re probably not bothered by you now. So, rest assured, you did nothing to get on their “shadar.”

Three gossip girls listening through the neighbor wall at home

I want you to realize this.

  • when bullies must hunt for stuff to criticize you about
  • when they have to search for things about you to be angry, annoyed, or disgusted with
  • when they have to clock your every move for the slightest inkling of weirdness, awkwardness, or defect

It’s not about them being angry, offended, or bothered. What it is about is POWER! All about power and nothing else!

Every bit of it is a power-play to put you in your place, to force you under their thumb, and to hurt you.

Bullies do it to tear you down, discourage you from defending and protecting yourself. They do it to convince you that you’re nothing, no good, and always wrong. They do it to show you who’s boss- that they’re in charge of your life and you’re not. And that there’s nothing you can do to stop them from harming you.

The more you know, the better you expose the bully and protect yourself.

Why Bullies Bully in Large Groups

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As the old proverb goes, “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” This has been true since the dawn of time. There’s strength in numbers. And bullies are notorious for running in packs and using their numbers to intimidate targets.

However, there’s a reason that goes much deeper than strength or power.

Social science has proved that comradeship is born when two or more people can find something (or someone)they dislike- a common enemy they can all share a passionate dislike for. And if members of the group do not feel they can get solidarity any other way, they will find and/or create an enemy against who they can all unite.

Simply put, they single out and harass a certain person for group cohesion purposes- to facilitate camaraderie among the other bullies in the group.

Put another way, they use their victim as a vehicle for interaction, ingratiation, and bonding. Uniting against an enemy ensures group solidarity. Each member takes turns bullying the victim because they know it’s expected of them by the rest of the pack. Therefore they commit the harassment to ‘fit in’ and get rewards of group unity at the victim’s expense.

Today, we call this “pack mentality” or “herd mentality.” And sadly, most people will do anything, right or wrong, to follow the rest of the herd.

They Didn’t Know it, But My Bullies Were My Fans!

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Sadly, neither did I. Although bullying is never a laughing matter, if I’d only realized this back then, I would’ve laughed at them instead of letting them get me upset.

Think about it. When you’re bullied, your peers stay mad at you all the time, have negative and destructive thoughts of you, talk about you constantly, start whispering campaigns to keep you alone and friendless.

You consume their thoughts day and night! And all of this takes so much energy, so much effort! Wow!

All this just for you!

Group of people or crowd cheers carrying signs. The event, Fan club, demonstration concept. cartoon vector

I’m making fun of the bullies, of course. Because they tell all just by their reactions, which only means you’re not boring(Snicker). Good or bad, they keep you relevant. You can rile people up, fire up their emotions, make them crazy with rage without lifting a finger!

All you have to do is be seen or walk into the room, and blood pressures all around you shoot up. You’re making an impact on them.

Understand that bullies don’t hate you. They only hate themselves because you remind them of what they only wish they could be.

Football hooligans are in-game. Angry soccer fans shouting and booing in the crowd. Losing team fans got mad. Furious silhouette people complain and protest a mistake made by the referee.

You may not realize it, but you’re really the one in control. Take advantage of it. Fire them up. Because anger affects a person’s ability to think clearly and causes them to goof up, make a mistake, and shoot themselves in the foot.

That’s right! They’ll get so fired up that they’ll do something stupid and get caught. You won’t even have to snitch! They’ll do it for you!

Although I’m a smart-aleck, it’s also true. You can very slyly get bullies worked up, and they’ll slip up and end up being “hoisted by their own petards.”

It’s easier than you think!

Bullies Objectify Their Targets

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In abusing their targets, bullies objectify them- they reduce their targets to things, mere instruments or tools to make use of and then discard until they need them again.

To objectify someone is to dehumanize them by degrading them to the status of a thing. Targets are treated like things rather than people. Just as male chauvinists and sexual perverts objectify women and girls, bullies do the same with their targets.

Here’s how bullies objectify their targets:

1.Bullies consciously or unconsciously believe they own their targets. And it shows in that they violate their targets’ boundaries- talking down to them, putting their hands on them to cause bodily harm, nosing through, taking, or destroying their targets’ belongings, grabbing their targets and physically moving them if they happen to be in the way, sitting in their chairs, and leaning on their cars. This conveys that the bully thinks they own the target, that the target has no boundaries nor rights, and, therefore, the bullies feel they have carte blanche to do anything they want to them.

2. Denial of freedom, autonomy, and self-determination. Bullies will strip their targets of personal freedom. They boss them around, telling them what to do and how they should conduct themselves. They coerce their targets to do what they want them to do. Bullies also use threats of physical harm to make their targets submit. From the bullies’ perspective, targets have no right to protest nor question their abuse.

3. An instrument. Bullies often use their targets as tools to fulfill their own agendas. An example would be to hate on the target in a group to solidify the bully pack and tighten bonds with one another as they are abusing the target.

4. Silencing their targets. Bullies render their targets voiceless by taking away their voice. They use fear and retribution to keep the target from speaking.

5. They deny their targets’ humanity. To be human is to have the right to choose, be free to pursue your own goals and outcomes, deciding what is and isn’t valuable, and discovering ways to promote what you value.

This is the difference between being human and being an inanimate object. Unlike inanimate objects, humans have dignity. Bullies deliberately take all this away. Bullies are never mindful of their targets’ humanity nor will they consider it. Therefore, the bullies purposefully break the target’s will and reduce them to mere objects of sadistic abuse.

When the bullies succeed in breaking the target’s will by force, they can then possess the target’s autonomy, and with it, their humanity. Once the target loses their humanity, the bullies can then mold them into a thing to be used.

There can be no equality and therefore, no reciprocation in the surrender of the target’s will and humanity to bullies.

The more we learn about the bully mindset, what makes bullies tick, and the inner workings of bullies, the more we will be able to protect our self-esteem, our dignity, and our overall right to live and thrive in this world.

Other Ways Bullies Get Power- Suck-Ups, Kiss-Butts, and Brown-Nosers

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Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions? It’s because they’re notorious suck-ups. Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain, yet to supervisors, they were the brightest of the bunch. This leaves me to wonder if the supervisors themselves weren’t just as dumb. So, how are bullies so successful at concealing their stupidity?

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

They do it by taking credit for other people’s work and ideas. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR overlook it. Thumbing rides on others’ coattails are the norm for these leaches.

In school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. They also seek to impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs. Couple that with their parents’ other town and city connections, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

Bullies also undermine other employees’ accomplishments and successes, talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers who are a threat to them somehow. Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and even be rewarded for it?

Suck up, kiss-butt, kiss-ass

The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.

Toxic Friendship

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Have you ever experienced a toxic friendship. If you’re old enough, you probably have. Here are the signs and symptoms of a bad friend that you must know.

 

Have you ever had so-called friends who seemed to turn hot and cold toward you? Who manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Fake friends who never had your back and always threw you under the bus whenever you were in trouble or in danger? Who treated you shabbily and didn’t seem to care how they hurt you? Whom you had to apologize to for things you weren’t guilty of just to keep the peace?

Have you ever had that particular friend who seemed possessive of you and wanted to keep you all to herself? Who would get angry when she saw you talking to another friend of yours, or worse, treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl?

 

Or…maybe it’s less obvious. Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell him what your plans for the future are. You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Although that may be true- it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try. Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

 

Maybe you have a dream of one day becoming an actor and your friends ridicule you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn.

Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments, or trivialize your accomplishment.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. You also must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not, or if they’re secretly resentful of your success.

 

If you’re having these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends. My loving advice is to find new friends. You owe it to yourself. Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. You deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve friends who value you and don’t want to lose you.

 

But first, you must value yourself. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

Bullies and Their Signature Trait- Hypersensitivity

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Ha! And they call us hypersensitive. Oh yes! Bullies will accuse their targets of being what they themselves are, “too sensitive.”

But have you noticed how they explode in anger and indignation after the smallest of perceived slights? Or how bullies (particularly female bullies) will be the ones who dissolve into a puddle of tears if someone even looks at them cross-ways, or says something hurtful to them? Or worse, they get held accountable for their bad behavior?I saw this happen at school on several occasions and I’ve got to admit, it was hilarious!

In truth, bullies have the sensitivity of the princess in the classic, “The Princess and the Pea.”

The double-standard is clear. Bullies feel intense resentment when targets speak out about their abuse. All the while, bullies feel entitled to do things that are a thousand times worse, not to mention, unspeakable, to the target.

But we are not supposed to talk about that. Right?

Actions speak louder than words. And as humans, we need to rely less on words and more on other’s actions and behavior to get the answers to any questions we have about bullies, abusers, or anyone who does not have our best interests in mind.

How to Use Your Bullies’ Attacks Against Them

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You drag them out.

What do I mean by this?

When they attack you with insults, you simply say, “That’s your opinion,” or “Opinions vary.” When you do this, you will only force the bullies to repeat the attacks over and over again- drag them out until they become boring and redundant.

I won’t kid you; this technique won’t be an easy thing to do. Any time we are attacked, our first instinct is to jab back with attacks of our own. But sadly, this usually proves ineffective as it only pulls us down to the bully’s level.

Also, although this method can be effective in the workplace, it’s much harder and usually takes much longer to have an effect as adults are more tenacious and stealthier with their bullying. This strategy works much better in the school environment.

Respond, yes. But react, no.

And how you respond is with short comebacks like those above, then walk away and leave the bullies standing there, running their mouths and looking stupid. Because, when you don’t give them the response they want (which is for you to attack them back by name-calling, yelling, screaming, or cursing), their natural reactions will be to repeat, repeat, repeat like a broken record.

In other words, you force the bullies to repeat the same attacks until it gets so old and stale that others outside the bully/target dynamic get thoroughly sick of hearing the bullies that they no longer pay attention to it.

In deploying this neat little method, you expose the bullies’ fakery and the childishness of their attacks. You also expose the weakness of the bullies’ position, which they thought was their strength. Instead of turning their “audience” against you, they end up alienating them because bystanders become bored after a while.

Sadly, I didn’t know this at the time I was a target.

You Aren’t the Only One

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Bullies who are seasoned and the best in the bullying business didn’t get so good at bullying you and getting away with it overnight.

No, they learned through trial and error. They’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t. And every time they screwed up and got caught, they never learned their lesson that it’s wrong to mistreat people. They only got sneakier and learned what not to do with their next victim.

Therefore, with each new target, they got a little sneakier, and a little better at covering their behinds until they finally became undetectable to anyone outside the bully/target dynamic. They finally became experts!

Understand that these bullies have left a long trail of ruined lives and either broken or angry people in their wake. Only they’d never tell you about that.

With that said, know that there were many before you and there will be many more after you. You aren’t alone and you’re not the only one they’ve bullied.

I’ve said it once and it bears repeating: If possible, you must find out who their past targets are, then befriend and align yourself with them. I guarantee that you will find out so many juicy tidbits about your bullies and what you discover about them can be used as a powerful weapon!

Always remember that!

Never Let Bad Eggs Make You Feel Rotten

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All through life, you will encounter negative and downright toxic people. You meet these mouth-breathers at school, work, the neighborhood, or (gasp) in the family. They’re everywhere and come in all flavors. These kinds of people always seem to take the energy out of the room and suck the oxygen out of the people around them. They’re annoying, obnoxious, and some can be downright intimidating.

These are people who make you feel uncomfortable, terrible about yourself, and worst of all unstable.

With that said, bad eggs are the angry, jealous, and resentful type. They put on a good act and talk a good game, but the proof is in how they treat you. And they will say and do things to try and make you feel bad about yourself.

These people will search for anything about you that they can use against you. They will even turn your good and positive qualities against you and make them seem bad.

For instance, if you are generally a happy person who likes to laugh and have a good time, these types will say that you’re fake and that your laughter is fake. If you have talents and gifts and like to display them, they’ll accuse you of showing off and trying to get attention.

If you’ve made an accomplishment or reached any kind of success, these killjoys will trivialize it by saying that the success you made could’ve been made by anyone. If you won an award, they’ll claim that you didn’t get the award because you either knew people in high places or that you kissed up to them somehow.

If you have a loving spouse and good family, bad eggs will go out of their way to find something wrong with that. If you have a little bit of money, they’ll claim you didn’t work for it but got an inheritance. Or they’ll claim you obtained it either illegally or unjustly.

These rotten bananas will also bully and abuse you- give you a hard time if there’s anything in life you have that they don’t, or you have things just a little bit easier than they do. It’s as if they’re trying to punish you because they think you have it so good.

But don’t let it get to you because that’s what they want. Rest assured that none of it is your fault and that there’s nothing wrong with you.

Understand that their behavior says everything about them and zero about you. It says that they have serious mental issues and that they need help. It also says that these people feel insecure about something or many things in their own lives and their desire is to drag you down in the gutter with them.

When people are brutal to us, our first instinct is to blame ourselves, try to figure out what’s wrong, then fix it. But realize that there’s no need to fix what isn’t broken. And you’re not the one with the issue.

Instead, reframe your thinking and realize that it’s them and not you. Only then will you feel better about yourself. Even better, you might find that you feel sorry for them instead of resenting or hating them for the way they treat you. And believe me, most people with any pride would much rather be hated than pitied.

Bullies will care less about your anger and hate toward them. But they’ll resent and even loathe it when you pity them. There’s dignity in being hated but never in being pitied.

Bullies with Guilty Consciences

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Have you noticed that anytime you speak out against bullying and abuse, or any wrongdoing for that matter, that the guilty dogs always come for you and bark the loudest? Maybe you tell your story of the bullying and abuse that you, yourself, suffered in the past and how you’ve since overcome it.

And…BOOM! Many haters come out of the woodwork, latch on, and start screaming, cursing, putting you down and accusing you of everything under the sun. Some call you ugly names and threaten – even people you don’t know, who don’t know you, and have nothing to do with what you’re talking about.

Thankfully, this has not happened here on WordPress and I am so grateful for all my WordPress family! You guys are truly the best and I could not ask for better people online.

But, on occasion, it has happened on a few other forums and once in person when I gave information about it to someone who desperately needed it. The person thanked me but the people who overheard our conversation went berserk over it later. So, if this has happened to you too, did you ever wonder why?

Its because the people who are sooo offended and doing the yelling, cursing, and tantrum-throwing have guilty consciences.

Here’s a further explanation:

Naturally, we know that people who’ve bullied and abused you in the past, are going to come out in droves and attack you. That’s a given. And you don’t have to call these people out by their names to trigger them and put them on the defense. Why? Because to hear, read about, or even know that you’re speaking out on the subject itself makes them very afraid- panicky even.

But, more than anything, it eats at their conscience!

Again, realize that you don’t have to necessarily expose them. All you’ve got to do is prick at their sense of guilt and they go nuts.

The latter is why you may also trigger people who may not know you nor have anything to do with what was done to you- you delivered a huge blow to their conscience! Even worse, you made them feel dirty! And that alone drives people utterly insane!

Though they may not necessarily have bullied and abused you, they did someone else. And hearing you talk about your experiences, or talk about bullying and abuse in general, made you a huge reminder to those people. You caused them to either think of the abuse they’re dishing out to someone else or have inflicted in the past. Ouch!

It’s subconscious. They don’t know it, and probably couldn’t explain it. All those people know is that your story, or the subject you speak of is rubbing them the wrong way and causing them a lot of anxiety.

This is the reason they freak out and flip their wigs.

It’s happened to me. I’ve seen it up close. And believe you me, these folks become downright scary! Because when they lose it, their eyes seem to jump out at you and they snarl when they yell at you. I mean, they really come unglued!

But understand that they are only revealing themselves. They’re ripping their own masks off and don’t realize they’re doing it. Why would someone get so defensive, so irate and have a complete meltdown if you weren’t stepping on a few toes- if the people around you didn’t feel that somehow, some way, you weren’t talking directly to them, or about them?

Really think about it. Pastors of churches have this happen all the time. During Sunday service, they’ll preach on a certain subject, then a few church members get angry over it and give him the what-for after the service is over.

My point is that if they knew they weren’t guilty of anything, they’d automatically know that the conversation had nothing to do with them. So, why would they care?

Remember that the people who are most offended by this and react irately are the guilty ones and you can bet that they have, at some time, bullied you or another innocent person. Anger can be revealing.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies, Abusers, and Oppressive Governments – Why They Want You Dependent

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Deep down, many targets are brainwashed into thinking that they must depend on their bullies for something. It’s true. I know this leaves you scratching your head. You may ask,

“Depend on bullies? For what?”

Here’s your answer:

For approval, acceptance, and to have the ability to make friends.

Bullies

Yes. Bullies want targets to believe they must depend on them to have those things. And it’s how they keep targets essentially begging for it- by dangling carrots of the possibility of winning approval to keep targets under their oppressive thumb and doing what bullies want them to do.

Domestic/Spousal Abusers

Think about it. Domestic abusers do basically the same to their abused partners- keep them dependent to maintain control and domination of them. Only domestic abusers keep their victims dependent on financial resources by controlling the purse strings and shutting down opportunities for the partner to make their own money.

Another control tactic of the spousal abuser is cutting the partner off from their family and friends- people outside the relationship who may help the partner, see the abuser for what they are, advise the abused partner to leave the relationship, and, therefore, threaten the abuser’s power.

Abuse is abuse whether it comes in the form of bullying in school or the workplace, or domestic abuse and psychological manipulation in the home.

Oh! But wait!

Oppressive Governments

Socialist and Communist governments also do the same to their people. They manipulate events and media narratives, and even deliberately crash their countries’ economies to force their people to become dependent on them. They even set up terrorist regimes to beat any dissenters into submission and burn their homes and businesses. And this is nothing new. These tactics have been done down through history!

Though all this, these governments are able to wrest control of their people’s behavior, thoughts, and very lives.

Why? Because, if you can keep someone dependent on you, you can make rules for them to follow, tell them what to do, and have complete domination over their lives. You can force them to put up with the most unspeakable and evil of abuses and ensure their silence by keeping them in fear of withdrawing whatever it is they depend on you for- whether it be approval, acceptance, friendship, love, money, a good living, or even food and medicine to keep you alive.

You can have complete control over every aspect of a person’s life if you can keep them dependent on you for their very safety and survival.

Understand that when control freaks use these methods of control, they strip you of your freedom and autonomy. They keep you too afraid to be your own person, to exercise your human rights. They take away your ability to speak freely, to be creative with your life, and to flourish. They also keep you too afraid to stand up to them, call them out on their abuse, and asserting your God-given right not to be controlled and abused.

The controlling person does this by keeping you under the threat that they will retaliate and unleash even worse pain on you if you don’t obey or you step out of line.

The problem with this is that bullies, abusers, and oppressive governments only get drunk on their own power and are never satisfied. They must always up the ante and take more, more, and more control. Also, abusers tend to be sadistic monsters who live to see others go through pain and suffering, and no amount of suffering is enough for them. They have an insatiable blood-lust, and need to witness the pain of others, especially their targets.

You must realize that bullies, domestic abusers and oppressive governments and regimes have all the same in common- they love to control people and destroy their targets. And how they do it is to make them feel obligated and keep them dependent on them for social, financial, economic, or physical survival!

In their minds, you’re only here for their convenience, their purpose, their agenda, and their pleasure. Never your own.

In summary, always remember that bullies always rely on fear and dependency in others! Always- whether they bully in school, the workplace, the home, or government and politics. And the tactics, although done on different levels, are both universal and timeless.

We may not know it or may have been convinced otherwise, but we have more power over our lives than we know. It’s up to us whether bullies take away that power.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Believe it or Not, Bullies Get Talked About Too

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If there’s one thing small towns are known for, it’s gossip. If you find yourself unfortunate enough to be a victim of bullies in a small town, gossip about your (perceived) transgressions has reached from city limits to city limits…at light speed.

However, take it from someone who has been there. Bullies get talked about too, only people never talk openly about them. Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets, the talk is always in secret.

Believe me, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others. But because the others more than likely won’t admit to being bullied and because bullies will never tell you if there are others, you never hear about it and, therefore, mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.

If you are a victim of bullies, it would be in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are and align yourself with them. It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some really juicy tidbits about their lives…most of which is rather embarrassing information!

I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly after all.

One of my bullies is now a nurse, and I am good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her. In their words, “she is as incompetent as they come.”. Also, she has a big family secret, and if you’ve lived in the same town that she lives in long enough, you know what that secret is.

I’ll stop here to protect privacy. For years, this woman has bounced from one job to another, either getting fired or quitting when things didn’t go her way. She has also been through five, maybe six marriages.

Another bully dropped out of high school and ended up working as a waitress. She now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even. Several others are incarcerated or have been, with one being convicted of murder and another convicted of armed robbery, running guns, and possession of illegal substances.

The bullies I battled in school are only ordinary people. Yet, even today, most of them continue trying like mad to keep up with the Jones’s, making everyone think they have beaten the rat race and failing miserably. Most have never left the small town and still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.

Here’s some advice:

1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Befriend the other outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. Because I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.

2. Listen out! You will hear many stories about your bullies from other outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. You will be surprised at what you find out. It may be that your bullies get laughed at too. People are only careful who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them too.

Bullies aren’t as important or invincible as they put on. It’s only an act! People such as these must work hard to maintain the facades they put on, and the reason they give victims a difficult time is that victims don’t have to work that hard. They simply choose to be themselves.

How do I know this? Because I ingratiated myself into the good graces of the enemies of my bullies and would get an ear-full every time we got together.

Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

Make no mistake. Bullies have enemies…LOTS of them! However, they will never in a million years tell you about it. They don’t want you to believe that others disrespect them behind their backs because it would shatter the image of invincibility they’ve set for themselves.

Instead, they want you to believe that everyone loves them and thinks they are the best things since the wheel’s invention. And they want you to believe it because they want you to feel bad about yourself.

Put another way, if bullies can make you think that everyone loves them, then you’re more likely to believe the lie they drum into your head every day. That you’re just plain garbage. Because a bully’s popularity and greatness (perceived or not) only serves to re-enforce any dislike the target has for themselves after they’ve been bullied for so long.

Please don’t let this happen to you. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Open your eyes not only to your great value and worth but also to the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on. I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.