Month: February 2020

If a Bully or Someone Who Normally Mistreats You Starts Being Nice All of a Sudden, LOOK OUT! (Part 2)

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So, your bullies have suddenly had a change of heart. They’re finally treating you right. They’re finally talking to you like you’re equal to them. The bullies are smiling in your face, giving you pats on the back, and talking to you like you’re one of them and you belong.

But you’re smarter than what they give you credit for. You notice that the bullies are so sweet – too sweet. You think that if they don’t stop with the pleasantries soon, you’ll surely fall into a sugar coma!

You also notice a slight fakeness in the tones of their voices and that instead of making you feel good about yourself, they instead make you feel a little gross. But you don’t mention it to them. Just stay polite yet neutral.

The bullies are even inviting you to sleepovers, parties, cookouts, lunch and dinner dates, meetings, and family get-togethers. Every time these people talk to you, they seem to gush over you, and there again is that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You grow suspicious of them, and rightfully so. And in your mind, you ask yourself, “Why are they acting so nice to me all of a sudden?”

You politely decline the invitations they extend to you. But trust me, they won’t give up so easily. There will be a few more tricks up their sleeves. You can bet on it.

Here’s another bad sign to look for:

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1. They’re nosey. The bullies will seem so interested in your life and in what you’re doing. But don’t be flattered. Chances are, they’re only probing you for information they can use against you later.

They will ask you a ton of questions about your family and what you do outside of school or work. Those questions are innocent enough. However, they will slowly and gradually move into more personal territory.

Bullies will begin asking you what your political views and beliefs are and about your religious views. You don’t have to answer those. It’s none of anyone’s business!

Before long, they will begin prying into your personal and private business. These snoops will ask your opinion of this person and that, who you’re dating, how you feel about this, that and the other. They will ask questions that anyone with a brain would know better than to ask. Some things are just off limits!

Bullies will even share with you some personal deets about themselves. But don’t be fooled! They’re only doing it to put you at ease and in hopes that you’ll share a few of yours. Again. Don’t fall for it!

Understand that any time someone asks questions that are none of their business, it’s a dead giveaway that they intend to use your answers against you. Don’t answer them!

Also, anytime people ask you very personal questions, it also means that they don’t respect your right to privacy. And be warned that when you refuse to let them in on your private business, they may come back and accuse you of “having something to hide.”

Don’t believe it! Because it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about knowing that some things aren’t anyone’s business, and they should respect that.

Never share anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!!!

If a Bully or Someone Who Normally Mistreats You Starts Being Nice All of a Sudden, LOOK OUT!

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If you are a target of bullying, you should beware if your bullies ever just up and all of a sudden, out of the blue, start being kind to you. Anytime bullies are up to something, they need you to let down your defenses. And how they get you to open up to them is to pour on the sweetness.

I want you to understand that if you see this sudden change in your bullies at school or in the workplace, they could be setting you up to be humiliated, to fail, to get in trouble with authority, or for a brutal physical attack.

Here are the signs:

1. A sudden change of heart – Nobody becomes a friend overnight. Friendship takes time because trust isn’t free; it’s earned. Trust needs a considerable amount of time to build. Just as you shouldn’t rush into a romantic relationship, neither should you rush into a friendship. If someone who usually is brutal toward you just up and begins treating you warmly, you’d better beat feet to the nearest exit- fast!

2. Flattery/Sweet-Talk – Bullies instinctively know that when a person is bullied over a certain amount of time, that person is more than likely hungry for any morsel of acceptance, approval, and kindness, and they take full advantage!

You’ll know that something is off because they’ll overdo the pleasantries. Bullies will use excessive flattery to get you to let your guard down and trust them. And man! Do they lay it on thick! If they’re so sickeningly sweet that you swear you’re getting a mouth full of cavities just listening to them, that’s your cue to find the door.

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3. A fake smile – As one verse in the old song goes, a smile is only a frown turned upside down. If they smile with their mouths and not with their eyes, it’s time to end the conversation and get away from those creeps.

4. Microflashes – If you pay close attention to their body language and facial expressions, you’ll notice those tiny, split-second flashes of contempt on their faces when they think you aren’t looking or paying attention. Don’t ignore those. Bid them goodbye and politely leave.

5. Giggling or smirking among themselves after you turn and walk away – Dead giveaway! Give these idiots the boot!

6. They will get furious when you politely decline any invitations or requests – Again! Steer clear. It only goes to show that they don’t respect you as a person with feelings, boundaries and human rights!

Also, it’s a sign that in their invitations or requests, they more than likely had plans for you that you don’t know about. Maybe they invited you to dinner or a party as a way to lure you to a possible set-up for something humiliating or dangerous? You never know. And if you don’t know, don’t go!

When it comes to bullies, always be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary or that doesn’t feel right to you because that’s usually your clue. Your gut will always give you the correct answer. Listen to it.

It’s Not Only About Punishing Bullies. It’s About Helping Targets.

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Businesswoman blamed unfairly

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Holding bullies accountable isn’t the end all, be all. Yes, bullies must be exposed and made to take responsibility. I’ll agree with that. But!

A bully may be punished and severely so, but there’s no guarantee he/she will learn from it and leave the target alone.

In fact, it almost never works because in most situations, when a bully is caught and held responsible, it only further angers the bully and makes them that much more vindictive and determined to retaliate against the target.

In instances such as these, the objective should also be to take steps to care for and protect the victim.

If a bully sees that others are rallying around the target and showering him/her with love and support, the least likely he (the bully) will continue to harass that target or plot retaliation.

Remember that bullies are great big wusses at heart and prefer to catch the target alone and isolated because that is when the target is most vulnerable.

Giving support to a victim of bullying could be as simple as walking them home from school, praising them for an accomplishment or helping them to enroll in a self-defense class.

So, it you see someone being bullied, give them support and show you care. You never know. You could end up saving a life! You could be someone’s hero! How awesome is that?

Survivors of Bullying, Listen Up!

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Once you realize that the bullying you suffered in the past was no fault of your own and wasn’t because you were unloveable, nor because you were a bad person, you will be amazed at how much your confidence will skyrocket and how easy it will be to forgive.

I realize now that my bullies in school had issues and that their abuse of me was only their ways of covering up their own mental and emotional problems and projecting them onto another person.

In essence, my classmates were hiding behind me (Gee, they sound so pitiful and pathetic, don’t they?). Therefore, I can’t help but look back and feel sorry for them all.

You never asked to be treated the way they treated you and I want you to know that their opinions of you do not define you or your life, never did, and never will.

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Regardless of what happened, you are fantastic, beautiful and intelligent. You are strong! You are amazing! Do you know why? Because you survived! Even better, because you rose above it! And you’ve come so far!

So, please don’t be bitter because the past is the past and cannot be changed.

Continue to love and take care of yourself. Because as you’ve probably learned, no one else will do it for you.

For people to love you, you must love yourself first. You deserve it!

Sending you peace, love and prosperity!

Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying

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Welcome to The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying, on this blog, you will learn how to overcome bullying and take back control of your life.

ultimate guide to overcoming bullying

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying is a place you can come to for support and for learning about every aspect of bullies and bullying!

Being bullied is a hell that no human being should ever be subjected to. If you’re in the same predicament that I was in and people are constantly bullying you, you are doing all the research you can to learn how to protect yourself and defend against bullying. As a former target of bullying myself, I am giving you all the facts and successful tips, tricks, maneuvers, and mind hacks that I have used and now swear by.

After The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying teaches you about all of these facts and successful tips, maneuvers, and mind hacks, you will be wise to your bullies and their tactics. Most importantly, you will be ready when they come for you.

So, again, welcome to The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying, where you will learn all about the tips, maneuvers, and mind hacks that every victim of bullying should know about.

On The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying, You Will Learn:

1. The psychology of bullies.

In other words, you will learn about the bully mentality and mindset. Put simpler, you will learn how bullies think and what makes them tick.

Also, you will learn to pinpoint your bullies motives and intentions. Once you learn this, you will be able pick the brain of any bully. You will also be able to correctly guess their moods and dispositions so that you can be prepared and better protect yourself.

2. The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming bullying Blog Will Also Teach You The Different Types of Bullies and The specific tactics each type of bully uses.

As you learn the different types of bullies and their specific bully tactics, you will also learn the motivations and intentions behind each tactic. In other words, you will learn what each type of bully hopes to gain from each tactic they use and what outcomes they desire.

Additionally, you will learn how to spot each type of bully and better ways of countering their attacks or avoiding them altogether.

Once you learn these things, you will be better prepared to respond calmly and appropriately. This knowledge will also make you better able to avoid situations that could harm you or your reputation.

3. How to Properly Defend Yourself Against Bullies and Bullying of All Kinds.

You will learn that it is perfectly okay to defend yourself. Also, you,ll learn mind hacks you can use to buffer your self esteem against bullying attacks and passive-aggressive behavior.

4. The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying Will Also Teach You How to Boost Your Confidence and Attain Happiness and Personal Fulfillment.

Bullying can absolutely obliterate your confidence! This blog will teach you not only ways to maintain your confidence, but also how to regain it if bullying has destroyed it. Moreover, you will learn how not to care what people say or think of you.

You will also learn the importance of being yourself and why you should never change for anyone, especially bullies. Lastly, you will learn to stop people-pleasing and that you do not have to be nice if a situation doesn’t call for it.

5. How to spot fake friends and frenemies.

You will learn how to spot fakes and avoid them. Additionally, I will teach you how to use the knives in your back to cut ties. In others words, you’ll learn how to gather the courage to walk away from fake friends who betray you.

6. How to Set and Enforce Boundaries.

Moreover, you will learn the courage to say no to frenemies, users, and abusers and mean it. You will also learn what body language cues you can use to command and receive respect.

7. the Ultimate Guide to Overcoming bullying will teach you precisely what body language to look for in potential bullies.

You will learn what nonverbal signals bullies give when they are about to physically attack you. And once you do, you will better be prepared to stop them.

Also, you will learn whether people are laughing with you or at you and proper ways to respond in kind to people who throw zingers and subtle insults. Lastly, you will learn how to spot microaggressions and ways to mirror the people who use subtle intimidation tactics against you.

In a nutshell, this blog will tackle bullying from every angle, covering every aspect of bullying and subjects related to it.

8. All About Social Aggression and the Motives Behind it.

You will learn all about rumors, lies, gossip, and smear campaigns and how to protect yourself from them. You will also learn the motives and intentions behind them so that you can call it out and speak out bravely.

9. The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying Will Teach You How to Document Bullying and Gather Your own Evidence.

You will learn how to document the bullying you suffer, using the 5W method and how to organize your documents in a way that is clear, concise, and easily readable.

Also, you will learn about the use of digital recorders and hidden body cams to record the bullying so that you can easily prove your case to a principal, school board, HR manager, or a judge in a court of law. Most importantly, this blog will show you how to find out whether the laws in your state or area allow you to record bullying.

Now, at some point or another, many victims/targets of bullying have asked questions such as:

“How do I stop people from bullying me?”

“What is it about me that makes people see me as an easy target?”

“How do I make friends and allies and what exact steps do I need to take to do so?”

“What does it take to boost my charm?”

“What exactly do I need to do to get that allure that naturally draws friends and dates?”

If you find yourself asking these questions and other questions related to bullying, you will find the answers on this blog!

Hello, everyone! My name is Cherie White and I am a mom, writer, and anti-bullying advocate. Like you, I suffered many years of intense bullying in school and as a young adult. Because the bullying impacted me so deeply, I set out to know everything possible about bullying.

I searched for the answers to why people bully, what drove bullies to single out only certain individuals, and what bullies look for in potential victims. Also, I wanted to know how bullying affected different people and the specific characteristics that determined victimhood. Most importantly, I researched and practiced different ways to stop people from victimizing me and how to overcome bullying.

In short, instead of allowing it to traumatize me, I wanted to learn from it

Therefore, I began researching bullying in 1995 after discovering a magazine article about a boy who had been bullied in school and eventually overcome it. During the nineties, I poured through countless library books, magazine articles, news columns, anything relating to the subject of bullying. I read about the different personalities of bullies, bystanders, and victims. I also poured through books and articles on the subject.

Additionally, I researched bullying related to school and office politics, social infrastructures, and the power dynamic. For the last 20 years, I have learned so much. Coupling personal experience with years of trial and error, I eventually overcome bullying and took back control of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have found the information and learned how to win the battle against bullying. However, it took me many years of not only research, but also trial and error before I was finally able to take back my personal power and declare victory over bullying. Although trial and error is progress, it is a slow and time-consuming process.

I Learned through Years of research and Trial and Error. But, Lucky You! You Don’t Have to!

With that said, one of the objectives of this blog is to save you years of trial and error. Another objective is to alleviate any confusion bullying may cause you. The material in this blog is material I wish was available when I needed it. In other words, I’d like to be the person for you that I needed when I was a target of bullying but didn’t have access to.

Today, too many young people are dying due to being the target of bullying. Children and teens are dying before their lives have even begun and it is a tragic waste of young life. Adults are dying before they have a chance to see improvement and it’s heartbreaking!

This is why I’m  passionate about re-empowering targets who endure bullying today. I know how it feels to be bullied by everyone for everything. It causes a pain so deep you can’t even cry!

What Can Happen When Bullies Target You?

When you endure bullying, many terrible things can happen. Friends you thought highly of and never thought would hurt you suddenly turn against you. Strangers will hear bad things about you and judge you before having the chance to meet you. Even worse, you will risk being physically assaulted.

Nevertheless, this blog will tackle all these scenarios and advise you of what you must do. I have respect for all other anti-bullying websites out there because they have the best intentions and truly desire to help victims. Of that, I have no doubt. However, as someone who has endured bullying in the past, I don’t feel that they get deep enough into the subject. In my humble opinion, they only gloss over the problem and there’s a lot to bullying they either leave out or haven’t though of.

This blog covers everything about bullying or related to it.

Why? Because bullying is so complex. It’s also a broad term and it’s hard to stop if you don’t know every tiny detail about it. That’s where we come in. This blog fills in all the holes and gaps.

So, here’s my message to victims and targets of bullying:

If people are mercilessly bullying you in school, work, or in the community, I want you to know that I’ve been right where you are. Also, I want you to be assured that the torment will not last forever. Even though you may not see an end to it now, there will come a day when you will be free of your tormentors. Therefore, you will be free to be your true authentic self without fear of ridicule. Know that all is not lost! You can go on to live a very happy, peaceful and prosperous life. I did it and you can do it too!

With knowledge comes empowerment!