Social Aggression: When Bullies Spread Lies and Rumors About You
The possible underlying messages are:
“I hate you, and I want everyone else to hate you too!”
“I’m jealous of your relationships!”
“I don’t want you to have friends! I don’t want you to be popular with others! I don’t want you to have support or protection because I plan to bully you again later! Any success you have in relationships will only highlight my lack of social graces or my own dysfunctional relationships! So, I’m going to destroy your friendships to punish you and make myself feel and look better than you! I’m going to trash your reputation so I can shine, and so people will pay more attention to your flaws than they will mine!”
Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept
“I’m scared you’ll have more friends than me.”
“I’m scared you’ll have allies who will protect you from me and make me look weak.”
“I’m going to use you as a distraction from my own shortcomings. If people are too busy focusing on your flaws, they’re less likely to see mine.”
When Bullies Beat You up
The possible messages are:
“You challenged my authority over you and made me look like a punk! So, I’m going to show you who’s boss and ensure you never defy my power again!”
“I feel weak and powerless! So, I’m going to use my physical strength to hurt you, embarrass you and make you look weaker so I can feel and look strong to others!”
When the Bully Justifies Themselves to You or Others, or When They Blame You for Their Bad Behavior
The possible messages are:
“I’m so scared that you’ll see right through me! So, I’m going to make you doubt your sanity. I’m going to make you feel like everything I do to you is your fault! That way, you’ll be least likely to call attention to my terrible actions and make me look bad or get me in trouble with authority!”
“I’m so afraid you’ll expose my terrible deeds to others and damage the excellent reputation that I’ve falsely kept up for so long! So, I’ve got to make up any excuse that sounds plausible to keep my evils hidden and avoid facing accountability!
“I’m scared that I’ll be found out and punished! So, I’m blaming you so that everyone will think you’re at fault and believe you are the bully! By accusing you, I can avoid responsibility, then get the green light to keep harassing you! Then, I can keep getting the psychological and emotional benefits I’ve been getting at your expense!”
So, you see? The bully’s treatment of you is about them! Not you! Learn to see through the bullies’ facades, and I guarantee that their attacks will have a much lesser effect on you.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Wow. Another fabulous and interesting information on the bullies. I really wish I had met you earlier.
Thank you so much! 🤗 You are one of those bloggers and readers that give encouragement and I so appreciate it. ❤
👍👍
Thank you so much. 🤗
Your series on bullies is very good and informative. Thank you.
You’re most welcome. 😊 🤗
Sounds like some of our politicians who hold our freedom in their hands, restricting it from those they hate. Traditional and Christian people … the healthy minded !
That’s a 10-4 Roger, Mary Anne! Those types make me ill. 🤢🤮
It’s sad and pretty pathetic that they take so much time to plan their target’s demise when all they’re doing is digging a hole for themselves! 😣 Thanks Cherie, for sharing all of your informative angles to be aware of and more informed. 🤔🤗😊 Enjoy the rest of your day sweetie!!! 😍💖🥰
My pleasure, Kym! 💖💐🌹 Ain’t that the truth, girl! 😂🤣 ‘Cause what goes around always comes back around in some way, shape, or form. You have a fantastic day too, sweetheart! 🥰😍😘
Thanks a million Cherie and rest my dear. I hope you had a comfy sleep last night in your boudoir! 🛏🥱💤
Enjoy the rest of your beautiful evening my sweetness! 🥧🧁🍰
😊🤗😘😍💖💐🌹🕊🦋
This kind of ties in with your later blog on popularity. Bullies have a fear of loss status and feel threatened and will use any tactic to keep someone down. A perfect example is the physical stuff. A lot of us were/are scared to fight without knowing if we actually could or not and a lot of bullies we assume would clobber others but no one actually saw them in a fight but will use tactics to make others especially the more timid believe that they can.
You’re so right again. Thank you so much for your wonderful and informative comments! 🙂
I love this post. So empowering. Also helps me identify bullying in language. I can definitely sympathize being an empathic and dealing with a bully’s first move which is often to slap a label and then run back to try to claim the moral and/or intellectual high ground.
Thank you so much, Robert. This means a lot! 🤗 Amd you’re so right! Bullies will abuse their targets, make them out to be the bad guy, and finally claim thr moral high ground. You nailed it! 💯🎯
So, one of my followers on WordPress is not who I thought he was, although I sensed the red flags. He did a complete 180, or perhaps just lowered his mask and displayed what was always there.
He probably showed you what was always there. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had one of those too a while back and it sounds like the same one.
He’s still commenting with post-size comments and leaving his links. So I deleted his links. He’s still carrying on. Yes, must be same one cuz he mentioned the first name you carry.
Wow! It makes you really pity the guy because to waste time harassing others means that he doesn’t have much of a life. You did right by blocking this crackpot!
The way they carry on is akin to madness- fanatic.
Absolutely! And I hope he gets the help he needs before it’s too late.
He displayed the social aggression by smearing someone in his comments section. I was shocked, but should’ve seen it coming.
Wow! I’ll bet he’s the same aggressive follower I had! I’d his name LaMorra or something to that tune?
L*wr*nce M*rra
That’s him!!!!
Now he’s carrying on about women in general. But it’s in his own comment section on his blog so I cannot delete.
I wouldn’t worry about him. He’s obviously not very smart because he’s making his tirades public. He’s only outing himself! LOL
Truth!
I thought he was sorta eccentric but an “okay person” till he started ranting about you.
I thought he was an alright guy too, until he started subtly attacking me for no reason. It sounds like he’s obsessed and that’s not good. I’m so sorry he’s trying to drag you into his madness.
Oh, no worries at all. I’ve actually come across many of these people since I’ve been writing online.
He’s definitely not the first (or last). I’ve even had smear campaigns against me.
I once had someone call me a Borderline Sociopathic Narcissist (yes, all three) bcuz he couldn’t get my link to work! 🙄 I actually can laugh about it now.
Yeah, they’re all over the place.
I’m so proud of you! 💖 Keep smiling and enjoying your blogging!😊 They hate that! 😂🤣😂🤣
LOL 😁
You do not need to post this because it has his link on it, but this is the post with some of his comments. After he mentioned you, I said, “Cherie is my friend.” I don’t know if he’ll keep that comment, or delete it. I’ll probably get a smear campaign against me now.
Here it is:
https://lawrencemorra.com/2022/02/02/my-little-spitfires-tribute-to-gods-plan-we-can-linger/
Oh, don’t worry, I won’t post it. I don’t have to because he’s outing himself. But I’ll definitely give it a read. Thank you so much for your kindness and your support. You don’t know how much I appreciate you! <3
I appreciate you too, Cherie! ♥️♥️♥️
😊🤗😊🤗
Wow! And I have never done what he’s accused me of. I don’t do stuff like that. I blocked him after he began attacking me and the thing is that I don’t know what all of his vitriol came from. I don’t hate the guy. If anything, I’m concerned for him.
I actually didn’t read his entire comment because it was just a lot of rambling. I just saw your name and that he was saying unkind things. But I didn’t have the patience to read it’s entirety.
I’m used to these kind of long & drawn out rants that come out of nowhere. It’s like a delusional trance from someone who’s stuck inside their own spiraling thoughts and unsure of what’s real or not, in my opinion.
I’ve seen it many times.
I hear you. Like you, I just read bits and pieces, then laughed. I’m used to it too, I just laugh about it and go on blogging! 😊😊😊
After the initial shock… same. 😊
Absolutely! 💯💯
BTW, you can post my comments. I just said that about the comment where I inserted his link because I know it’s rude to add links to others blogs in the comments section. Plus I didn’t want his blog associated with my name.
But you can post all my other comments I just wrote bcuz it will help your readers to realize they’re not alone in dealing with those who have distorted thoughts of various kinds as it appears with the “said person”.
♥️♥️♥️
I appreciate it, sweetie! But I’ll just let it be. He’ll shoot himself in the foot one of these days. People like him aren’t very self-aware and it shows. People who do what he does only drive away their followers and readers because ranting in a blog is just not classy nor professional. And blog- readers don’t want to read the kind of tripe he posts in comments. Whether posting or commenting, he needs to realize that it’s not about him, or me, for that matter, it’s about his readers amd what he can provide for them…at least it should be.
Yes, and those who do follow his rants might do so for entertainment purposes or because they are “disturbed”, too.
Amen on that one, Monika! 💯🎯
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Thank you so much Stella!