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being a scapegoat

Being a Scapegoat: 5 Insanely Powerful Ways to Put a Stop to It

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Do you want to know the absolute best ways to stop being a scapegoat? Here are the best defenses you must know about.

being a scapegoat

Scapegoating is the most harmful and alienating experience a person can endure. If you’re being scapegoated like I was, chances are that you’re wondering what to do to put a stop to it. As someone who has been there and overcome, I’m giving you the most powerful ways to stop being a scapegoat that worked for me and others I know.

You are going to learn about the 5 best ways to stop being a scapegoat and, ultimately, take back your life.

After learning about all these smart strategies, you are going to finally take back your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the 5 best ways to stop being a scapegoat that every victim should know.

Best Strategies to stop being a scapegoat

1. Learn what scapegoating is and how to recognize it when you see it.

The first step of defense is knowledge. In other words, to stop being a scapegoat, you must know what scapegoating is and be able to spot it when those around you are trying to make you one.

So, what is scapegoating and who are scapegoats?

According to Cambridge Dictionary, scapegoating is the act of blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or that someone else has done. In other words, the scapegoat is made to bare the burden of someone else’s wrongs and is punished in the guilty person’s place.

Scapegoating also happens when others take all their anger, frustrations, hurts, and other issues out on you. In essence, they’re punishing you for the crappy hand life is dealing them whether or not you caused it.

Projecting or projection is another term for this type of scapegoating.

Here’s an example of scapegoating:

A football team loses the big game. Afterwards, they blame the bench warmer for the loss, even though it was the quarterback who failed to tackle the opposing player before he got to the goal line, or, maybe another teammate fumbled the ball, which cost them the game.

I’m not real football savvy here, but you get the point.

Scapegoats and scapegoating go all the way back to the Bible days. During the Old Testament, people gave burnt offerings of lambs to cleanse themselves of sin.

During the Medieval Period, being a scapegoat would put a target’s life in mortal danger. Kings used scapegoats to cover their own mistakes and wrongdoings. They would do this by forcing the scapegoats to take the blame for the kings’ screw-up and put them to death.

Executing the scapegoats serve two purposes. It kept them quiet and ensured that the kings continue to smell like roses.

People, especially bullies, do the same today, only in different ways. Also, the scapegoat is always the person who is totally innocent and one who has the least power to fight back.

2. Set boundaries.

Being a scapegoat comes with being bullied. If you set boundaries, however, people are least likely to bully you. Therefore, there’s also less chance of you being a scapegoat.

Setting boundaries is a must, though not always easy, especially if you’re a victim of bullying. However, you must continue to have boundaries, otherwise, others will only ride roughshod over you.

“What is setting boundaries?” you might ask.

It’s clearly communicating to others what you will and will not tolerate and what they can expect from you if they violate one of your boundaries.

It takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something a few bullying targets have. Moreover, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. Therefore, you may need to prepare yourself to fight to protect your boundaries.

But, I want you to know this. Having boundaries is not wrong nor is it selfish. Neither is expressing the freedom to be yourself and asserting your right not to be violated

If you have no boundaries, you get no respect.

However, any time you don’t set boundaries, you give up your rights to be treated with dignity and respect. You end up looking like a simp.

People will only take advantage of you and, over time, they will get comfortable with doing so. Even worse, you will come to be known as the poor sucker that everyone can crap on and attract more of the same from total strangers.

In that, you make yourself susceptible to being a scapegoat and target of bullying.

Being overly friendly, overly accommodating, and too available does not win respect. It will only does the opposite because people will take your kindness for weakness. In short, you hand over your personal power.

Whereas, when you do set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. In doing this, you take your personal power back.

when you set boundaries, you take back your personal power

Again, setting boundaries won’t be easy. In fact, it will probably make some people angry. However, understand that if people become angry at you for having personal boundaries, it’s because they’re afraid they’ll no longer be getting the benefits they’ve enjoyed… benefits they’ve been getting at your expense!

Moreover, you not only set boundaries but you also need to enforce them!

You must have the courage to keep setting those limits no matter how others feel or how they react. If your boundaries offend people, tough cookies.

Stick to your guns. Keep fighting for your right to be treated with respect. Show them that you will stand up to them no matter what they do, and eventually, they’ll get tired and realize that you aren’t worth the effort. They’ll go find an easier target.

So, always set boundaries and be prepared to fight to protect them.

3. If you want to stop being a scapegoat, you must refuse to engage with the people who scapegoat you.

In other words, if others blame you for things that happen that are beyond your control, it’s time to walk away for good.

If they try to blame you for something they or someone else is guilty of, refuse to accept blame and tell them to take a walk. Then never speak to them again.

Also, if people are constantly projecting their own wrongdoings and shortcomings onto you, don’t associate with them any longer. They’re a waste of your time.

Realize that you are not a dumping ground for all their baggage. So, have nothing more to do with them. Give them the old heave-ho because they do not deserve a place in your life.

This may be difficult to do, especially if the people who scapegoat you happen to be members of your family. However, if you want to stop this abuse, sometimes, it means making a few heartbreaking decisions.

4. If you want to stop being a scapegoat, you’ve got to Rock it!

Grey-rock it, that is!

Grey rocking a bully means showing no emotion toward their behavior and only giving short, one-word answers to them. It also means to keep minimal contact with them. In other words, you wait long periods of time between seeing them and wait a long time before answering their texts.

In short, it means acting like you just don’t care what they say and having a little interacting with them as humanly possible.

Although this can be easier said than done, and the bully may or may not lose interest and go away right then, it’s a good tactic if your goal is to stop being a scapegoat.

You may have to repeat it again and again before your bullies will get the message, but, if nothing else, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you finally took back your coconuts and stood up to the creeps.

5. Practice Self-Care and Compassion.

How you do this is to practice making affirmations to yourself every day. Say to yourself, “I am not the guilty party,” or “I will not be a victim of their blame game,” “I am a good person regardless of how they treat me,” or “I am perfectly fine without them.

Also, establish a support network. Choose genuine people as friends and keep company only with those who lift you up. Dress however makes you feel good. Treat yourself to a pampering session at a nice spa or a new hairdo or hair cut.

Do the things that you love doing and that make you feel alive. Work on your hobbies and pursue your goals and dreams. The trick here is to work on you and to give yourself the love and care that others aren’t giving you. Self-care is great because it can help counteract the negativity your bullies throw at you.

This post was all about how to stop being a scapegoat, giving you steps to help you assert your right not to be blamed for other peoples’ behavior or mistakes, and take back your personal power.

A related post you will enjoy:

1. Reasons Why People Bully- 7 Most Common Motives

4 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

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toxic brainwashing

Conditioning happens when others brainwash and train you to believe something. Therefore, evil and terrible abuses get “normalized.” When you’re a target of bullying, bullies will try to condition you to roll over and take their abuse.

Conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-tiny-bit process that can also be soft and subtle. So, how do you know your bullies have conditioned you?

You know by the feelings you have.

1. If you feel guilty for speaking out and reporting bullying to authority, your bullies have conditioned you.

2. When you feel that the bullying is your fault, your bullies have conditioned you.

3. Anytime you feel like a mean and cruel person for standing up for yourself, your bullies have conditioned you.

4. If you feel guilty about saying no to anyone, your bullies have conditioned you.

Are you angry yet?

What are the statements bullies use to condition you? And what do those statements condition you to think and feel? Let’s find out:

1.“Bullying is a rite of passage that everyone goes through.”

This statement conditions you to believe that bullying is normal. But it’s anything but! Bullying is sick, perverse, and damaging to the target. So, say, “Oh no, it’s not!” And be very firm when you say it.

2.“You ‘made me’ hit you!”

This statement conditions you to believe that bully’s despicable behavior is your fault- that you somehow caused the bully to get out of line and that you deserved what you got. Again, this is a blatant lie!

No one deserves bullying and abuse. You have a right to feel and be safe. And you have a right to open your mouth and be heard. Therefore, you counter the bully’s statement by saying, “No, I did not!” And say it with full conviction!

3.“You had it coming!”

“You asked for it!”

“You’re bringing it all on yourself!”

Again, these statements condition you to believe that you’re to blame for the bullies’ horrid behavior.

Consequently, bullies hoodwink you into thinking their evil actions are your fault, and that you deserved it. NOT true! Remember that bullying is abuse, and no one deserves it. Say, “No, I didn’t!” or “No, I don’t, and you know it!” Be stern!

4. “You’re always trying to start something!”

“You’re always making waves.”

“Don’t rock the boat!”

“You’re always making trouble!”

“You just keep pushing it!”

“Don’t push it!”

Again, these are lies and ways to deceive you into silence.

Don’t’ fall for it. Counter the bully’s claims and always, always do it with a tone of conviction.

PTSD

5. You’ll also be accused of:

“Making a mountain out of a molehill!”

“Making something out of nothing!”

“Acting like a crybaby!”

“Being a liar!”

“Being crazy!”

“Not knowing what you’re talking about!”

Just the same, it’s all lies. Counter with “No, I’m not!” or “I know exactly what I’m talking about! I know what you’re trying to do, and I won’t accept it!”

Understand that you’ll hear these statements anytime you attempt to set boundaries and stand up to bullying and abuse. Realize that bullies hate it when you stand against them. Most would cut off their right arm before they’d ever admit to any wrongdoing.

NEver Be Afraid to Speak In Your Own Behalf.

Therefore, don’t let it deter you. Keep standing up. Continue defending yourself. Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Because, if you don’t,  no one else will either. So, all you have is you. In a situation of bullying, all you have is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!

Start saying no, and do it often. However, realize that you can’t change a bully. And if the bullies resist (and they more than likely will), be ready for possible retaliation. And if they do retaliate and still don’t respect your commands for them to stop, again, it isn’t your fault nor your responsibility.

Moreover, it isn’t because you weren’t firm enough. And don’t think it was because you aren’t any good at standing up for or defending yourself. It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds. Realize that bullies are abusers. Abusers have a talent for conditioning their victims. Therefore, abusers expect the rest of the world should bow down and kiss their asses. Nothing more.

Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up, stand tall, and stand firm no matter what.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Know Who the Real Target of Bullying Is

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When you witness bullying, it can be difficult to know which person is the bully and which is the target. Why? Because most bullies are cunning, clever, and covert. Therefore, not all bullies resort in physical violence, where they leave bruises, cuts, and broken bones that are easy to see. Many bullies use psychological tactics and emotional manipulation to bully and abuse their targets.

Also, they many use psycho/emotional methods to set the target up for physical violence or to get into trouble with authority. Remember that bullies have ways of slyly provoking the target and setting them up to look like the aggressor.

Additionally, bullies have ways of gaslighting you and making you doubt your own sanity. They have a knack for manipulating your emotions and making you feel guilty for things you aren’t guilty of. These people also have ways of brainwashing you over time and turning you against yourself. They know how to make you feel as if you did something to justify their mistreatment and abuse.

And sadly, once they do, you won’t know how to save yourself from those who accuse you of perpetuating the bullying, label you, and penalize you unjustly. You’ll have difficulty identifying and naming the tactics bullies are using against you. Therefore, you won’t know how to explain what is happening to you or report the bullying without sounding like you’re rambling.

And worst, your bullies and the circumstances they force on you will convince you and those in power that you are the culprit. If you happen to be the person who witnesses someone else being bullied, you’re likely to point a finger at the wrong person.

Therefore, if you want to know who the real target of bullying is,

ask yourself who has the least power.

Ask yourself who has the least social capital.

Other questions you should ask are as follows:

Who has the least influence?

Who has the least friends?

Which of these individuals is liked or loved the least.

Which of these people is most hated.

Ask yourself which person people can openly abuse and get away with it.

Once you know the answers to these questions, the answer will be crystal clear.

 

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Three B’s of Bullying

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Believe it or not, there is a method to the bully’s madness. Bullies are master life-chess players. They put a lot of forethought into their attacks against their targets. Always. Here’s how bullies can bully and get away with it.

Baiting

First, a bully slyly baits her intended target by provoking her for a reaction. If the target blows it off and fails to react, the bully meticulously and subtly intensifies the taunts. They will wear her down, over time, until they achieve the desired reaction. And they often do this in the presence of bystanders and witnesses. A bully is very much aware that everyone has a breaking point.

gossip rumors lies bitches

Bashing

Once the target reaches his limit and reacts (yelling, telling the bully off, cursing the bully out, punching the bully in the face, etc.), the bully weasels his way into the hearts of bystanders and authority, using superficial charm and charisma to feign victimhood.

The bully bashes the target by using her perfectly normal reaction as proof of the target’s “mental illness” or “meanness.” They very meticulously make it look as though the target is at fault. And bullies do this to distract others from their own evil actions, projecting guilt onto the target.

victim blame It's your fault

Blaming

Once the bully has succeeded in turning everyone against the target, she entices others to join her in shaming the target. Everyone may gang up on the victim, making statements such as, “Aww! You just need to toughen up!” or “Can’t you take a joke?”

Others may accuse the target of “bringing it all on herself” when in reality, the opposite is true. It is the bully who has harassed the target for months, even years. It reality, the target has tried to handle the abuse calmly and objectively. However, after so long, she only succumbs to exhaustion and reach her limit.

Moreover, when the target reports the abuse, the guilt is placed on the her and the bully goes unpunished. Then the bully takes the impunity as a green light for future torment. All the while, others see the target in a very negative light, with no other choice but to endure the torment in silence. The target will often clam up because they know they will only further tarnish her already damaged reputation. And why not? By this point, there’s a strong chance that no one will believe her anyway.

bullied victim blame blaming burned at the stake effigy

Each time the target makes a report, others who are often in a position to help, blow her off, thinking that the torment is justified. The bully then becomes more emboldened and the victim becomes more devastated and damaged.

The more brazen the bully becomes, the higher the degree to which the harassment escalates. Therefore, the more frequent and intense the attacks become. And it continues until the targete is maimed, is killed, is removed, or transfers schools to escape the torment or commits suicide.

Widening the Imbalance of Power

The bully benefits from the feeling of power and control she gets from mistreating her target and getting away with it.  Moreover, this gives the bully a sense that she is invincible and untouchable. The bully also enjoys the sympathy and petting others give her.

This strategy is also used as a means of striking fear into and silencing the target. It discourages any future attempts at speaking out and exposing the bully for what they truly are. And what they are, are cowardly, sniveling pieces of human filth.

bullying baiting

If bullies target you for abuse, you already know too well how it feels to be mistreated and then blamed for your own torment. It’s horrible enough to be constantly harassed, but to be blamed for that harassment is downright devastating. It leaves you feeling completely powerless!

Understand that this is just another weapon the bully uses and how she tricks people into allowing her to continue her bad behavior with impunity. And it is nothing new! Bullies have always used this method.

So, remember the 3 ‘B’s- Bait, Bash, and Blame and I believe that you will be better able to explain your situation when you report the harassment. At the same time, be expectant of what bullies are likely to do.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Reasons You Should Never Hate Yourself

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In today’s backwards culture, we are continuously encouraged to hate ourselves, especially if we fall under certain criteria. You know what I’m talking about.

Also, we’re being brainwashed into believing that if we hate ourselves because of some kind of “privilege,” or because we’re Americans, or Westerners, or middle class, or because we own a business, because we’re successful-or whatever, then it shows that we’re morally good. Know that it’s only virtue signaling at its finest, and it’s all a bunch of hogwash!

You should never apologize for who you are, nor should you feel guilty about any successes or qualities that you have.

Here’s why you shouldn’t hate yourself no matter what anyone, including your bullies, the media, and certain politicians tell you:

1. If they can get you to hate yourself, then they can make you self-destruct. Understand that if you hate yourself, it isn’t to your own benefit, it’s only to theirs (bullies, media, politicians, the elite, etc.) Also, if they can get you to hate yourself, they can talk you into doing the most degrading and demeaning things- like bow down and kneel before other people, when the only person you should bow to is The Lord, Almighty.

2. Anyone who can get you to hate yourself can make you feel guilty for things that you had nothing to do with and that aren’t your fault. They can get you to subjugate yourself, and make you feel that you must “atone” for that (false) guilt.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

3. Understand that people who hate themselves are easily led because they are yes-people who are too eager to please. They try so hard to show the rest of the world, they’re morally good- that they’re above certain things. These people will jump through hoops to prove they’re decent people.

But folks, if you already know yourself and know without a doubt that you’re a good, moral, and decent person, why then would you feel you must bend over backwards and make such a concerted effort to prove that?

You wouldn’t. Because, if you know yourself, you know that the goodness, morals, and decency are already there whether others know it or not. Your conscience is clear, and you know that you’ve done nothing wrong. Therefore, you instinctively know that anything the media, politicians, or anyone on the street might put out does not apply to you.

Anyone who virtue signals- who has to work so hard and put on a show to prove something to others can’t have a clear conscience- so they must pander, virtue signal, and really strain themselves not only to prove to the rest of the world that they’re on top of the moral mountain, but to ease their guilty conscience.

On the other hand, if your conscience is clear and you know that none of the narratives apply to you, you wouldn’t waste your time and energy trying to prove it.

You know where I’m going with this.

No matter where you come from,  it’s best to love yourself just the way God made you and turn a deaf ear to the lies of The Enemy!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

22 Phrases Bullies Use to Gaslight You and Make You Question Your Reality

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It’s funny how protecting yourself from bullies can be twisted into over-sensitivity, paranoia, vindictiveness, or vengefulness. But that’s exactly what bullies, or, in this case, gaslighters are good for.

When bullying progresses to a point when you feel like you have to wear a body camera to work or school to get evidence of what bullies are putting you through, that’s when you know without a doubt, you’re being gaslighted. So, it’s most important that you trust those feelings.

And sometimes, things may get so out of control that you may need to wear a body camera to work or school. And when you do, make sure you catch it raw and unfiltered. Also, be sure no one, not even your best friend knows you’re wearing it. That way, you risk less of a chance of retaliation, or your evidence being tampered with or destroyed.

But realize that once the evidence is out, whether it comes out in court, and your bullies realize they’ve been busted, they will then continue to gaslight you, especially to others. They’ll accuse you of being sneaky, shady, scandalous, paranoid, or crazy.

But to catch gaslighting early on, before you ever have to wear a body camera, here are a few common things gaslighters tell their targets:

  1. “You’re too sensitive.”
  2. “You’re make something out of nothing.”
  3. “I never said that.”
  4. “I don’t remember saying that.”
  5. “I’m not angry. If I was angry, you’d know it.”
  6. “It’s all your fault.”
  7. “You bring it all on yourself.”
  8. “Well, if you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that.”
  9. “You made me do it.”
  10. “You’re crazy.”
  11. “You’re mentally unstable.”
  12. “Nobody’s ever going to love you.”
  13. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
  14. “This is why nobody likes you.”
  15. “You’re being petty.”
  16. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
  17. “You can’t take a joke!”
  18. “You’re insecure.”
  19. “You’re jealous.”
  20. “It’s all in your mind.”
  21. “It’s all a figment of your imagination.”
  22. “If you love me, you’ll do this.”

And the list goes on and on.

Realize that no matter how you do it, you absolutely must protect yourself against these psychos, and doing so requires that you know gaslighting when you hear it or see it. It also requires that you maintain your sense of self and if you did not do anything to provoke these bullies, stand strong and never let them twist the facts and accuse you otherwise.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Use Confabulations

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Many times, bullies will blow up on their targets for absolutely no reason. When they’re later questioned about the blow-up, they can’t remember why they lost their temper. So, they drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks in order to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane when they wouldn’t otherwise. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories to fill in the blanks. I’ve seen this happen many times and even had bullies justify themselves to me by the same method.

Sometimes, confabulations can be mistaken for real memories and the truth to the confabulator.

When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. So, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to others to be telling the truth when they justify and rationalize away their abusive actions?

When a person believes their own lies, others are more likely to believe them too. It’s a fact.

Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.

No one wants to be under a bully’s influence, but people get sucked under it all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies. And those who saw through those abusers and spoke out were either silenced or paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.

Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon because, again- the bullies who confabulate believe themselves so it’s a sure bet that others will believe them too. That’s why we must learn to either properly counter any confabs or let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Translating the Tactics Bullies Use

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Social Aggression: When Bullies Spread Lies and Rumors About You

The possible underlying messages are:

“I hate you, and I want everyone else to hate you too!”

“I’m jealous of your relationships!”

“I don’t want you to have friends! I don’t want you to be popular with others! I don’t want you to have support or protection because I plan to bully you again later! Any success you have in relationships will only highlight my lack of social graces or my own dysfunctional relationships! So, I’m going to destroy your friendships to punish you and make myself feel and look better than you! I’m going to trash your reputation so I can shine, and so people will pay more attention to your flaws than they will mine!”

Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept

“I’m scared you’ll have more friends than me.”

“I’m scared you’ll have allies who will protect you from me and make me look weak.”

“I’m going to use you as a distraction from my own shortcomings. If people are too busy focusing on your flaws, they’re less likely to see mine.”

When Bullies Beat You up

The possible messages are:

“You challenged my authority over you and made me look like a punk! So, I’m going to show you who’s boss and ensure you never defy my power again!”

“I feel weak and powerless! So, I’m going to use my physical strength to hurt you, embarrass you and make you look weaker so I can feel and look strong to others!”

When the Bully Justifies Themselves to You or Others, or When They Blame You for Their Bad Behavior

The possible messages are:

“I’m so scared that you’ll see right through me! So, I’m going to make you doubt your sanity. I’m going to make you feel like everything I do to you is your fault! That way, you’ll be least likely to call attention to my terrible actions and make me look bad or get me in trouble with authority!”

“I’m so afraid you’ll expose my terrible deeds to others and damage the excellent reputation that I’ve falsely kept up for so long! So, I’ve got to make up any excuse that sounds plausible to keep my evils hidden and avoid facing accountability!

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“I’m scared that I’ll be found out and punished! So, I’m blaming you so that everyone will think you’re at fault and believe you are the bully! By accusing you, I can avoid responsibility, then get the green light to keep harassing you! Then, I can keep getting the psychological and emotional benefits I’ve been getting at your expense!”

So, you see? The bully’s treatment of you is about them! Not you! Learn to see through the bullies’ facades, and I guarantee that their attacks will have a much lesser effect on you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

What’s The Deal With Bullies and You-Statements?

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Have you noticed how bullies always seem to make “you” statements? You this, and you that; “you always” this, and “you never” that. You, you, you! The thing is, these statements are so transparent and so telling. They speak volumes about the bullies and nothing about the target because they are hallmarks of the typical abuser- accusation, and blame.

Here are a few common you-statements bullies make.

“You lie all the time!”

“You always bitch and complain about everything!”

“You’re (stupid, ugly, crazy, a liar, a wuss, etc.)!”

“You can’t leave well enough alone!”

“You’re a chicken!”

“You couldn’t find your ass with both hands!”

“You’ll never amount to anything!”

“You just keep pushing it!”

“You’re always trying to start something!”

“You always blow everything out of proportion!”

“You bring it all on yourself!”

“You always have to screw everything up!”

And the list is endless.

blame accuse pointing finger

Know that these you-statements are designed to tear you down and keep you there. They’re meant to strip you of your rights as a human being, your dignity, your autonomy, your joy, your pride, all of which is your personal power.

You must counter them, then turn them around on the bully. How to do this is by simply saying, “No I’m not, YOU are!” or “No I don’t! YOU do!” Then dismiss the bully and walk away.

The bully might argue back but the important thing is that you’ve made your point. And you walk away and leave the bully standing there running their mouth and looking desperate and stupid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons Bullies Deliberately Put You on The Defense

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That’s right. And bullies will do it purposefully and for a reason. They put you on the defense to make you look “defensive” because they know that defensiveness makes a person look guilty.  I’ll give you a few scenarios:

Scenario 1.

You’re a target, and the bullies go around telling others that you’re going to start a fight sooner or later. They also claim to know how you’re going to provoke the brawl and talk about that possibility as well. Even stranger is that these bullies are so confident in saying these things. They’re so sure that what they say is going to happen. It gets back to you, and you can’t understand why they’re making such outrageous and unknowable predictions.

But understand that this shouldn’t sound so strange and shouldn’t be so bewildering to you. No. What it should be is a WARNING to you! Allow me to continue.

Sure enough, one of the bullies slyly baits you and provokes you to fight back in self-defense. When you’re lured into a fight and call it out as it happened, everyone else sees you as too defensive. The bullies then stand back, snicker, and say,

“’ See? What did we tell you? We told you he/she was going to start a fight! And he/she did! We tried to warn you! And now, he/she just revealed how he did in attempting to turn it back on us!”

People then blame you for it and accuse you of being one who won’t take responsibility.

Let me elaborate:

Any time the bullies make such predictions should serve as a warning to you. It should warn you that something is going on behind the scenes.

It should tell you that what is really happening here is that the bullies are the ones plotting to provoke you into a physical altercation. Yes! You read this correctly! While the bullies are making such wild predictions about you, they’re setting everything up to happen exactly how they’re predicting so they can turn around and say, “See? We told you so! If so and so wasn’t guilty, he/she wouldn’t be denying and explaining it so vehemently!

And the more you plead your innocence and tell the truth that it was the bullies who provoked you, the more they and everyone else scream that you started the fight and that you’re only trying to avoid responsibility. Thus, the guiltier you look.

It shouldn’t be this easy, but it is!

Realize that this kind of deception is so easy to pull off, it shouldn’t work! But it does!

That’s why it pays to recognize when bullies unknowingly give themselves away and to take steps to thwart them somehow. And the best way is to call it out in front of an audience. Or better, you could say this,

“With that statement, you just busted yourselves, and you’re too stupid to realize it.”

And say it without elaborating on it any further. Because you’ll shock the crap out of your bullies and make them wonder how it is that you think they busted themselves. They may even ask you about it, but you don’t have to tell them. You can just smile and say, “I just do,” and keep walking. That reaction alone will throw your bullies off balance and make them a little sweaty!

But do this only if the bullies aren’t your bosses or any member of an authority, of course. In these cases, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself and start making an escape plan to get away from these psychos.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Need You More Than You Need Them

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It’s because bullies need scapegoats. The use of a scapegoat is nothing new. People have used them for many millennia! During the Medieval Period, scapegoats were often used by kings to make sure the monarch’s hands stayed clean- or at least looked clean.

Back then, it was common practice to execute scapegoats for the wrongdoings of kings. Blaming them, then putting them to death kept the scapegoats quiet and the kings above reproach, unquestioned, and smelling like roses. Bullies do the same today, only in different ways.

Bullying and scapegoating go hand in hand.

The purpose of scapegoating is to force another person to accept blame for sins, which you, yourself, are guilty. Sadly, the person blamed is often innocent. Even sadder is the fact that he’s usually the one least likely to fight back. The person is then punished and sacrificed.

Bullies are notorious for refusing to accept blame for any wrongdoing or mistake. So, they search for the most convenient person to lay blame on- their target. And what’s the victim going to do about it?

The ability to transfer guilt to their victims gives bullies immense power. Understand that bullies depend on appearances to maintain their fake facades of gleaming-white perfection. Well-seasoned bullies must appear to be god-like at all times.

They’re very much afraid that if they don’t keep up this pathetic charade, they’ll lose their power and with it, the foothold on their targets. What better way to maintain that power than to scapegoat the target?

“Blame so-and-so for my shortcomings by pointing out his!”

“Blame so-and-so for my imperfections by distracting others’ attention to his!”

“Blame so-and-so for my despicable behavior by claiming he did something to deserve it!”

“Blame Joe Blow for my pathetic incompetence and stupidity by saying that he caused me to screw up!”

“Blame so-and-so for any tiny thing that goes wrong, and I get to hitch a ride on his back to move up!”

A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

“Because I’m number one, and Hell will freeze over before I give that up! And blaming so-and-so is so easy it shouldn’t work!”

I want you to realize that bullies, bystanders, and friends will scapegoat a target of bullying for one reason and one reason only: He has the least power to fight back!

Targets are often either naïve or exceptionally intelligent and pose the biggest threat to the bullies’ positions. If the victim is naïve, bullies will exploit his naivete to the fullest because they know that naïve people aren’t taken seriously. Also, the naïve tend to overdo their claims of innocence. And people often mistake it as a sign of guilt.

Intelligent targets, bullies will undermine and wear down with constant smear campaigns, exclusion, and personal attacks. Also, smart victims will often overdo being calm, and relaxed, which can also be mistaken for guilt, because people will assume that his keeping it together is only an act and that he’s hiding something.

blame point fingers

Here’s another reason bullies need targets. They need someone to make responsible for their negative feelings- feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and hurt. And when they make the victim responsible for their bad feelings, the target becomes the offender who must be punished and eliminated.

To combat their negative emotions, bullies demand that their targets show them respect at all times- even while they’re abusing them. They also have the attitude that the victim should do whatever they tell them to do and make them feel powerful.

In short, bullies need the target to use as a dumping ground for all their mental and emotional issues.

Here’s a third reason, bullies and bystanders need a bottom rat to ensure that they themselves don’t end up on the bottom. If you’re a target of bullying, they need you to stay on the bottom and will go out of their way to keep you there. Any pecking order needs whipping boys (or girls) – easy victories for the higher-ups to collect.

If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that bullies consider it to be of the utmost importance that you stay on the bottom and you make them look good and like the innocent party. When they brutalize you, everything must appear as if you had it coming – that they were wronged or betrayed by your stupidity, incompetence, or evil.

If people are using you as a scapegoat, the best you can do is to get out of the environment. Just pick up and leave. Only then will you be able to preserve your dignity, your sanity, and your life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Who Are the Real Bullies?

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If you want to know who the real bully is, ask yourself these questions:

“Who has the most power?”

“Who has the most social capital?”

But most importantly, ask yourself these questions:

“Who are the people no one is allowed to criticize?”

“Who are the people everyone is AFRAID to criticize or even question?”

“Who are the sacred cows- the people who seem to be untouchable and beyond reproach?”

“Who can openly inflict abuse on people and get away with it?”

If you can answer these questions honestly, you know who the bullies are.

Why You Should NEVER Hate Yourself

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In today’s backwards culture, we are continuously encouraged to hate ourselves, especially if we fall under certain criteria. You know what I’m talking about.

Also, we’re being brainwashed into believing that if we hate ourselves because of some kind of “privilege,” or because we’re Americans, or Westerners, or middle class, or because we own a business, whatever, then it shows that we’re “woke.” It’s virtue signaling at its finest, and it’s all a bunch of hogwash!

Here’s why you shouldn’t hate yourself no matter what anyone, including your bullies, the media, and certain politicians tell you:

If they can get you to hate yourself, then they can make you self-destruct. Understand that if you hate yourself, it isn’t to your own benefit, it’s only to theirs (bullies, media, politicians, the elite, etc.) Also, if they can get you to hate yourself, they can talk you into doing the most degrading and demeaning things- like bow down and kneel before other people.

Anyone who can get you to hate yourself can make you feel guilty for things that you had nothing to do with and that aren’t your fault, get you to subjugate yourself, and make you feel that you must “atone” for that guilt.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Understand that people who hate themselves are easily led because they are yes-people too eager to please. They try so hard to show the rest of the world, they’re morally good- that they’re above certain things. These people will jump through hoops to prove they’re decent people.

But folks, if you already know yourself and know without a doubt that you’re a good, moral, and decent person, why then would you feel you must bend over backwards and make such a concerted effort to prove that?

You wouldn’t. Because you know that the goodness, morals, and decency are already there whether others know it or not. Your conscience is clear, and you know that you’ve done nothing wrong. Therefore, you instinctively know that anything the media, politicians, or anyone on the street might put out does not apply to you.

Anyone who virtue signals- who has to work so hard and put on a show to prove something to others can’t have a clear conscience- so they must pander, virtue signal, and really strain themselves not only to prove to the rest of the world that they’re on top of the moral mountain, but to ease their guilty conscience.

On the other hand, if your conscience is clear and you know that none of the narratives apply to you, you wouldn’t waste your time and energy trying to prove it.

‘Know where I’m going with this? Great! I thought that you would!

No matter where you come from,  it’s best to love yourself just the way God made you and turn a deaf ear to the lies of The Enemy!

Phrases Gaslighters Use to Make You Question Your Reality

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It’s funny how protecting yourself from bullies can be twisted into over-sensitivity, paranoia, vindictiveness, or vengefulness. But that’s exactly what bullies, or, in this case, gaslighters are good for.

When bullying progresses to a point when you feel like you have to wear a body camera to work or school to get evidence of what bullies are putting you through, that’s when you know without a doubt, you’re being gaslighted. So, it’s most important that you trust those feelings.

And sometimes, things may get so out of control that you may need to wear a body camera to work or school. And when you do, make sure you catch it raw and unfiltered. Also, be sure no one, not even your best friend knows you’re wearing it. That way, you risk less of a chance of retaliation, or your evidence being tampered with or destroyed.

But realize that once the evidence is out, whether it comes out in court, and your bullies realize they’ve been busted, they will then continue to gaslight you, especially to others. They’ll accuse you of being sneaky, shady, scandalous, paranoid, or crazy.

But to catch gaslighting early on, before you ever have to wear a body camera, here are a few common things gaslighters tell their targets:

  1. “You’re too sensitive.”
  2. “You’re make something out of nothing.”
  3. “I never said that.”
  4. “I don’t remember saying that.”
  5. “I’m not angry. If I was angry, you’d know it.”
  6. “It’s all your fault.”
  7. “You bring it all on yourself.”
  8. “Well, if you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that.”
  9. “You made me do it.”
  10. “You’re crazy.”
  11. “You’re mentally unstable.”
  12. “Nobody’s ever going to love you.”
  13. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
  14. “This is why nobody likes you.”
  15. “You’re being petty.”
  16. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
  17. “You can’t take a joke!”
  18. “You’re insecure.”
  19. “You’re jealous.”
  20. “It’s all in your mind.”
  21. “It’s all a figment of your imagination.”
  22. “If you love me, you’ll do this.”

And the list goes on and on.

Realize that no matter how you do it, you absolutely must protect yourself against these psychos, and doing so requires that you know gaslighting when you hear it or see it. It also requires that you maintain your sense of self and if you did not do anything to provoke these bullies, stand strong and never let them twist the facts and accuse you otherwise.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies and You-Statements

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Have you noticed how bullies always seem to make “you” statements? You this, and you that; “you always” this, and “you never” that. You, you, you! The thing is, these statements are so transparent and so telling. They speak volumes about the bullies and nothing about the target because they are hallmarks of the typical abuser- accusation, and blame.

Here are a few common you-statements bullies make.

“You lie all the time!”

“You always bitch and complain about everything!”

“You’re (stupid, ugly, crazy, a liar, a wuss, etc.)!”

“You can’t leave well enough alone!”

“You’re a chicken!”

“You couldn’t find your ass with both hands!”

“You’ll never amount to anything!”

“You just keep pushing it!”

“You’re always trying to start something!”

“You always blow everything out of proportion!”

“You bring it all on yourself!”

“You always have to screw everything up!”

And the list is endless.

blame accuse pointing finger

Know that these you-statements are designed to tear you down and keep you there. They’re meant to strip you of your rights as a human being, your dignity, your autonomy, your joy, your pride, all of which is your personal power.

You must counter them, then turn them around on the bully. How to do this is by simply saying, “No I’m not, YOU are!” or “No I don’t! YOU do!” Then dismiss the bully and walk away.

The bully might argue back but the important thing is that you’ve made your point. And you walk away and leave the bully standing there running their mouth and looking desperate and stupid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!