Bullies may not have anything on you. Therefore, they must search. Oh, yes! Bullies have to search for dirt. They must look hard for something to get angry at you about. Bullies are on a constant hunt for things that are possibly wrong with you, and believe me. They’re like hounds sniffing a trail.
Bullies will search- and search- and search! They will hunt for anything, no matter how trivial and no matter how minute or tiny the flaw. Then when they find it, they will blow it up- make a big deal of it.
So, understand that bullies are always on the prowl for dirt, controversy, and scandal. And if they can’t find anything, don’t think they won’t invent something.
If bullies select you as their target, they will go over everything about you with a fine-toothed comb.
1.They will scan every word that comes out of your mouth for the slightest hint of sarcasm, stupidity, slowness of mind – anything they can take offense to, be annoyed with, pick apart, or twist to suit a vicious narrative.
2. They look you up and down, then back up. Bullies search your face for the slightest blemish and smallest mole, pimple, or birthmark. They scan the clothes you wear to see if they’re old hand-me-downs or if they’re brand new latest fashions from the department store. Bullies will study your attire carefully, looking for the slightest stain or tear.
3. Bullies stare at your body to see if you’re even the slightest overweight or underweight. They check your nose to see if it’s a millimeter too long and your ears to see with they’re too big.
4. They scan your hair to see if it’s too straight or too curly and your eyes to see if they’re too buggy-looking or too wide-set.
5. They look deep into your eyes, seemingly down into your very soul, trying to see if you are hiding something from them- trying to ferret out your emotional state.
6. Bullies watch your every move, just waiting, with bated breath, for you to trip, fall, drop something- anything they can use against you.
curiosity eye in the keyhole – spy concept
7. Bullies also have an ear cocked for any damaging information about you- any mistake you may have made or anything you may have done wrong sometime in the past- even if it was years ago.
But know this.
If your bullies have to look for stuff to use to throw shade on you, they were probably never bothered by you in the first place. And, truth be known, they’re probably not bothered by you now. So, rest assured, you did nothing to get on their “shadar.”
Three gossip girls listening through the neighbor wall at home
I want you to realize this.
- when bullies must hunt for stuff to criticize you about
- when they have to search for things about you to be angry, annoyed, or disgusted with
- when they have to clock your every move for the slightest inkling of weirdness, awkwardness, or defect
It’s not about them being angry, offended, or bothered. What it is about is POWER! All about power and nothing else!
Every bit of it is a power-play to put you in your place, to force you under their thumb, and to hurt you.
Bullies do it to tear you down, discourage you from defending and protecting yourself. They do it to convince you that you’re nothing, no good, and always wrong. They do it to show you who’s boss- that they’re in charge of your life and you’re not. And that there’s nothing you can do to stop them from harming you.
The more you know, the better you expose the bully and protect yourself.
In my younger days, bullies noticed if my hair was too short, teeth were too big, and later, if my breasts and posterior were real or fake. If I wore a shirt that was too tight or showed a slight hint of cleavage, I was called a “slut”.
That’s exactly what bullies do.
I often wonder if bullies are only able to be defined from the viewpoint of their victims, might they disappear, or at the least lose their power, if viewed from a different angle? [ Can a bully actual exist without a victim? Aren’t they just ranting fools without them?]
“An island is only an island when viewed from the water.”
I’m so glad you mentioned that because that’s exactly what I advocate. A bully has no power without the victim. Shrink the victim pool and you will bring down the rates of bullying. Also, in order to stop being a victim you must reframe your thinking and look at bullies as they are miserable souls who don’t have a life. Bullied are losers and can’t survive in a meritocracy. The only way they can add meaning to their lives and get power is to select someone who looks to be weaker and lord over them. If bullies can’t have power and control over someone, they don’t know what to do with themselves.
My thoughts exactly and what I teach children.
If bullies are unable to impose themselves on others, they would have no choice but to deal with their own ‘demons’ using that energy.
Confronting, or folding before, a bully is what they desire. Raising children who won’t let others define them will reduce the pool of victims.
I’ve been assaulted (I don’t care.) for asking victims about “giving their own power” away to people and becoming complicit in the bullying scenario. Keep up the excellent work!
Absolutely! Thank you so much, Susan. I’ve also been attacked for what I do (and I don’t care). Mostly by my former bullies from school but also by a few others. I think what I do intimidates them.
Again, thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement! It means a lot
Yet again, wonderful points and thoughts. Great work
Thank you so much, Ethendra. 😊
I recently left a very toxic work environment due to two individuals. Many times I ask myself if it was me. Then I read your blogs and know this wasn’t me and it was the healthiest step I could have taken! Thank you for making me feel less crazy and more sure of the powerful steps I took. ❤️
You’re so welcome, Vrye.This really makes me happy knowing that this helped you realize it wasn’t your fault. False guilt is the worst feeling in the world and you deserve to be free of it. I pray that the next job you find is a happy healthy environment. 😊❤