Category: bullying

Bullies with Guilty Consciences

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Have you noticed that anytime you speak out against bullying and abuse, or any wrongdoing for that matter, that the guilty dogs always come for you and bark the loudest? Maybe you tell your story of the bullying and abuse that you, yourself, suffered in the past and how you’ve since overcome it.

And…BOOM! Many haters come out of the woodwork, latch on, and start screaming, cursing, putting you down and accusing you of everything under the sun. Some call you ugly names and threaten – even people you don’t know, who don’t know you, and have nothing to do with what you’re talking about.

Thankfully, this has not happened here on WordPress and I am so grateful for all my WordPress family! You guys are truly the best and I could not ask for better people online.

But, on occasion, it has happened on a few other forums and once in person when I gave information about it to someone who desperately needed it. The person thanked me but the people who overheard our conversation went berserk over it later. So, if this has happened to you too, did you ever wonder why?

Its because the people who are sooo offended and doing the yelling, cursing, and tantrum-throwing have guilty consciences.

Here’s a further explanation:

Naturally, we know that people who’ve bullied and abused you in the past, are going to come out in droves and attack you. That’s a given. And you don’t have to call these people out by their names to trigger them and put them on the defense. Why? Because to hear, read about, or even know that you’re speaking out on the subject itself makes them very afraid- panicky even.

But, more than anything, it eats at their conscience!

Again, realize that you don’t have to necessarily expose them. All you’ve got to do is prick at their sense of guilt and they go nuts.

The latter is why you may also trigger people who may not know you nor have anything to do with what was done to you- you delivered a huge blow to their conscience! Even worse, you made them feel dirty! And that alone drives people utterly insane!

Though they may not necessarily have bullied and abused you, they did someone else. And hearing you talk about your experiences, or talk about bullying and abuse in general, made you a huge reminder to those people. You caused them to either think of the abuse they’re dishing out to someone else or have inflicted in the past. Ouch!

It’s subconscious. They don’t know it, and probably couldn’t explain it. All those people know is that your story, or the subject you speak of is rubbing them the wrong way and causing them a lot of anxiety.

This is the reason they freak out and flip their wigs.

It’s happened to me. I’ve seen it up close. And believe you me, these folks become downright scary! Because when they lose it, their eyes seem to jump out at you and they snarl when they yell at you. I mean, they really come unglued!

But understand that they are only revealing themselves. They’re ripping their own masks off and don’t realize they’re doing it. Why would someone get so defensive, so irate and have a complete meltdown if you weren’t stepping on a few toes- if the people around you didn’t feel that somehow, some way, you weren’t talking directly to them, or about them?

Really think about it. Pastors of churches have this happen all the time. During Sunday service, they’ll preach on a certain subject, then a few church members get angry over it and give him the what-for after the service is over.

My point is that if they knew they weren’t guilty of anything, they’d automatically know that the conversation had nothing to do with them. So, why would they care?

Remember that the people who are most offended by this and react irately are the guilty ones and you can bet that they have, at some time, bullied you or another innocent person. Anger can be revealing.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How Bullies Condition Targets to Accept Bigger and More Severe Abuses and Violations

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toxic brainwashing

Gradualism and Incrementalism- drop by drop, bullies start off taking teeny-weeny bites out of the target’s self-esteem. They take it up ever so slowly, step by itsy-bitsy step- so slowly and so tiny that it isn’t noticeable. Yet the target feels something is off, that something doesn’t feel too good but can’t quite put a finger on it. It’s that subtle!

But here’s your first clue: Your body will know if you pay attention to it.

When you meet your bullies for the first time, you will pick up some pretty creepy vibes from these people and you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach. You’ll sense something about these creeps that feels “off.” And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

You’ll sense them watching your every move, scoping you out, studying you like a specimen. Or you may look up from whatever you’re doing or turn around and happen to see, out of the corner of your eye, a few of these people eyeing you from a distance. Then you,ll see them look at each other and smirk and notice that eerie twinkle in their eyes. You might even see a micro-flash or two of contempt.

Don’t ignore this!

Understand that these bullies are sizing you up and probing to see if you respond or how you react.

They’ll then start committing slightly bigger violations. Understand that bullies do this deliberately to soften you up by making the abuse virtually unrecognizable… until it isn’t anymore. By the time it’s recognizable, the abuse is so severe and so out of control that the bullies and their minions can no longer help themselves and don’t even try to hide it anymore. Why continue to put in the work to hide something you’ve gotten away with for so long that there’s no incentive to stop? Right?

By the time the abuse becomes obvious, it’s usually too late because everyone has grown accustomed to bullying the target. In fact, they’ve gotten completely comfortable with doing so.

Close-up of woman in black T-shirt is cracking her knuckles gesturing willful and ready for doing something; or in another side; the bad behavior when in tension; concept of health care and medical.

And once they’ve grown accustomed to harming the target, it’s almost impossible for the target to get them to leave them alone no matter what the poor person does to protect himself.

When the target finally gets fed up and begins asserting themselves, bullies implicitly communicate through their actions that, “we don’t give a damn about your feelings or your pain, you’re a target and we damn well intend for you to stay that way because we get a payoff from it and hell will freeze over before we give up those benefits.”

At this stage, bullies only respond with anger and resentment when the target finally stands up to them. The unwritten message is,

“How dare he!”

PTSD

Bullies are super offended when someone they deem inferior finally grows a spine and they’ll do everything they can to break the target’s will to keep getting their sick, sadistic jollies.

“How dare he even attempt to take away our fun?”

My point is that conditioning starts out small and you must know how to recognize it when it first begins and is barely recognizable. Because, the longer it goes on and the bigger the abuses get, the harder it is to defend yourself against it and put a stop to it.

I can’t stress this enough.

And the one thing that will help you to recognize it is that your body will feel it and you’ll sense it in the vibes the people you’re dealing with put out. Pay attention.

The more you know…

Bullying and Competition

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Bullies hate competition, especially when it’s their target or any person they deem inferior who bring the competition. Oooo! Talk about a blow to the bully’s ego. Ouch!

Understand that any successes or accomplishment achieved by the target is seen by bullies as a threat to their superiority because the bullies’ sense of self-worth is drawn from a sense of winning over and one-upmanship.

Therefore, if the target makes a huge accomplishment or wins any kind of award or prize, bullies will see it as competition with them. As a result, the bullies will escalate the bullying to punish the target for the success.

Bullies will get angry and say things like:

“You think you’re (smarter, better) than us…”

“You think you’re (smart, pretty, badass, hot stuff, god’s gift to the world, etc.)”

I’ve come to realize that any time a bully makes any statement that begins with, “You think you’re…,” it means jealousy, anger, or resentment of the target for a success or desirable characteristic or quality the target has. No more, no less. Always!

Understand that those three little words can say so much.

Bullies, Abusers, and Oppressive Governments – Why They Want You Dependent

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Deep down, many targets are brainwashed into thinking that they must depend on their bullies for something. It’s true. I know this leaves you scratching your head. You may ask,

“Depend on bullies? For what?”

Here’s your answer:

For approval, acceptance, and to have the ability to make friends.

Bullies

Yes. Bullies want targets to believe they must depend on them to have those things. And it’s how they keep targets essentially begging for it- by dangling carrots of the possibility of winning approval to keep targets under their oppressive thumb and doing what bullies want them to do.

Domestic/Spousal Abusers

Think about it. Domestic abusers do basically the same to their abused partners- keep them dependent to maintain control and domination of them. Only domestic abusers keep their victims dependent on financial resources by controlling the purse strings and shutting down opportunities for the partner to make their own money.

Another control tactic of the spousal abuser is cutting the partner off from their family and friends- people outside the relationship who may help the partner, see the abuser for what they are, advise the abused partner to leave the relationship, and, therefore, threaten the abuser’s power.

Abuse is abuse whether it comes in the form of bullying in school or the workplace, or domestic abuse and psychological manipulation in the home.

Oh! But wait!

Oppressive Governments

Socialist and Communist governments also do the same to their people. They manipulate events and media narratives, and even deliberately crash their countries’ economies to force their people to become dependent on them. They even set up terrorist regimes to beat any dissenters into submission and burn their homes and businesses. And this is nothing new. These tactics have been done down through history!

Though all this, these governments are able to wrest control of their people’s behavior, thoughts, and very lives.

Why? Because, if you can keep someone dependent on you, you can make rules for them to follow, tell them what to do, and have complete domination over their lives. You can force them to put up with the most unspeakable and evil of abuses and ensure their silence by keeping them in fear of withdrawing whatever it is they depend on you for- whether it be approval, acceptance, friendship, love, money, a good living, or even food and medicine to keep you alive.

You can have complete control over every aspect of a person’s life if you can keep them dependent on you for their very safety and survival.

Understand that when control freaks use these methods of control, they strip you of your freedom and autonomy. They keep you too afraid to be your own person, to exercise your human rights. They take away your ability to speak freely, to be creative with your life, and to flourish. They also keep you too afraid to stand up to them, call them out on their abuse, and asserting your God-given right not to be controlled and abused.

The controlling person does this by keeping you under the threat that they will retaliate and unleash even worse pain on you if you don’t obey or you step out of line.

The problem with this is that bullies, abusers, and oppressive governments only get drunk on their own power and are never satisfied. They must always up the ante and take more, more, and more control. Also, abusers tend to be sadistic monsters who live to see others go through pain and suffering, and no amount of suffering is enough for them. They have an insatiable blood-lust, and need to witness the pain of others, especially their targets.

You must realize that bullies, domestic abusers and oppressive governments and regimes have all the same in common- they love to control people and destroy their targets. And how they do it is to make them feel obligated and keep them dependent on them for social, financial, economic, or physical survival!

In their minds, you’re only here for their convenience, their purpose, their agenda, and their pleasure. Never your own.

In summary, always remember that bullies always rely on fear and dependency in others! Always- whether they bully in school, the workplace, the home, or government and politics. And the tactics, although done on different levels, are both universal and timeless.

We may not know it or may have been convinced otherwise, but we have more power over our lives than we know. It’s up to us whether bullies take away that power.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Drawing Your Enemies Out in the Open

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We think we know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to us, but many are not who they make us think they are. In life, there will be fakers and imposters, people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends. These people will seem to latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they can figure out everything about you- your soft spots, intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams. Then these people will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Even scarier, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

What do I mean by this? Here it is:

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks. This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person or persons.

You must realize that when people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. And to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all. In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much better (and safer) to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated, and– even when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. But trust me, it is only, ONLY, when you’re at your lowest you find out who’s really in your corner, and, more importantly, was all along.

So, again, if you can give the illusion that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves, and some will more than likely be people you’d never expect. Very few people realize who their enemies are until the fit hits the shan.

Any time you appear to be at your weakest and lowest, not only will your secret enemies reveal themselves, they’ll also be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly! And the reason these people will be so open with their dirt is because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

But realize that this is the only way for you to clear the dead weight and human clutter from your life. And you do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully, and if done right, you can ensure your safety and peace of mind in the future.

You can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals. More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

So, in closing, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, do something to make yourself appear weak or down and out. Then see how they respond and what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Even better, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are. And you’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of the many scumbags who underestimated you.

Targets, You Can Take Away the Bullies’ Power by Re-Framing Your “Perceived” Weaknesses.

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You may wonder what I mean by that. Allow me to give examples:

  1. You’re a kind and easy-going person and bullies see those good qualities as a sign of weakness. You can use those traits to uplift and give support to other targets of bullies. In doing this, you will make great friends and allies and the more friends you have, the more chances are that bullies will think twice before bullying you. Remember that bullies always attack in groups because they’re weak and afraid when they’re alone. When you establish a group of your own, bullies will back down because you now have friends to back you up.

  1. You’re painfully shy and quiet and bullies mistake those characteristics for fear. You can use your silence to be a good listener when someone needs to talk. This too will gain you close friends because the other person will feel that they’re being listened to and that you care. Moreover, they will feel that you’re interested in them and who doesn’t love that!
  2. You have a small mole that bullies make fun of. Remember that Marilyn Monroe also had a mole just above her upper lip. But her mole was referred to as a beauty mark and it ended up being her trademark.

These are only a few examples. Find a way to re-frame what people see as weaknesses and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you take back your power.

With knowledge comes freedom!

Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying

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Welcome to The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying, on this blog, you will learn how to overcome bullying and take back control of your life.

ultimate guide to overcoming bullying

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying is a place you can come to for support and for learning about every aspect of bullies and bullying!

Being bullied is a hell that no human being should ever be subjected to. If you’re in the same predicament that I was in and people are constantly bullying you, you are doing all the research you can to learn how to protect yourself and defend against bullying. As a former target of bullying myself, I am giving you all the facts and successful tips, tricks, maneuvers, and mind hacks that I have used and now swear by.

After The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying teaches you about all of these facts and successful tips, maneuvers, and mind hacks, you will be wise to your bullies and their tactics. Most importantly, you will be ready when they come for you.

So, again, welcome to The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying, where you will learn all about the tips, maneuvers, and mind hacks that every victim of bullying should know about.

On The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying, You Will Learn:

1. The psychology of bullies.

In other words, you will learn about the bully mentality and mindset. Put simpler, you will learn how bullies think and what makes them tick.

Also, you will learn to pinpoint your bullies motives and intentions. Once you learn this, you will be able pick the brain of any bully. You will also be able to correctly guess their moods and dispositions so that you can be prepared and better protect yourself.

2. The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming bullying Blog Will Also Teach You The Different Types of Bullies and The specific tactics each type of bully uses.

As you learn the different types of bullies and their specific bully tactics, you will also learn the motivations and intentions behind each tactic. In other words, you will learn what each type of bully hopes to gain from each tactic they use and what outcomes they desire.

Additionally, you will learn how to spot each type of bully and better ways of countering their attacks or avoiding them altogether.

Once you learn these things, you will be better prepared to respond calmly and appropriately. This knowledge will also make you better able to avoid situations that could harm you or your reputation.

3. How to Properly Defend Yourself Against Bullies and Bullying of All Kinds.

You will learn that it is perfectly okay to defend yourself. Also, you,ll learn mind hacks you can use to buffer your self esteem against bullying attacks and passive-aggressive behavior.

4. The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying Will Also Teach You How to Boost Your Confidence and Attain Happiness and Personal Fulfillment.

Bullying can absolutely obliterate your confidence! This blog will teach you not only ways to maintain your confidence, but also how to regain it if bullying has destroyed it. Moreover, you will learn how not to care what people say or think of you.

You will also learn the importance of being yourself and why you should never change for anyone, especially bullies. Lastly, you will learn to stop people-pleasing and that you do not have to be nice if a situation doesn’t call for it.

5. How to spot fake friends and frenemies.

You will learn how to spot fakes and avoid them. Additionally, I will teach you how to use the knives in your back to cut ties. In others words, you’ll learn how to gather the courage to walk away from fake friends who betray you.

6. How to Set and Enforce Boundaries.

Moreover, you will learn the courage to say no to frenemies, users, and abusers and mean it. You will also learn what body language cues you can use to command and receive respect.

7. the Ultimate Guide to Overcoming bullying will teach you precisely what body language to look for in potential bullies.

You will learn what nonverbal signals bullies give when they are about to physically attack you. And once you do, you will better be prepared to stop them.

Also, you will learn whether people are laughing with you or at you and proper ways to respond in kind to people who throw zingers and subtle insults. Lastly, you will learn how to spot microaggressions and ways to mirror the people who use subtle intimidation tactics against you.

In a nutshell, this blog will tackle bullying from every angle, covering every aspect of bullying and subjects related to it.

8. All About Social Aggression and the Motives Behind it.

You will learn all about rumors, lies, gossip, and smear campaigns and how to protect yourself from them. You will also learn the motives and intentions behind them so that you can call it out and speak out bravely.

9. The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying Will Teach You How to Document Bullying and Gather Your own Evidence.

You will learn how to document the bullying you suffer, using the 5W method and how to organize your documents in a way that is clear, concise, and easily readable.

Also, you will learn about the use of digital recorders and hidden body cams to record the bullying so that you can easily prove your case to a principal, school board, HR manager, or a judge in a court of law. Most importantly, this blog will show you how to find out whether the laws in your state or area allow you to record bullying.

Now, at some point or another, many victims/targets of bullying have asked questions such as:

“How do I stop people from bullying me?”

“What is it about me that makes people see me as an easy target?”

“How do I make friends and allies and what exact steps do I need to take to do so?”

“What does it take to boost my charm?”

“What exactly do I need to do to get that allure that naturally draws friends and dates?”

If you find yourself asking these questions and other questions related to bullying, you will find the answers on this blog!

Hello, everyone! My name is Cherie White and I am a mom, writer, and anti-bullying advocate. Like you, I suffered many years of intense bullying in school and as a young adult. Because the bullying impacted me so deeply, I set out to know everything possible about bullying.

I searched for the answers to why people bully, what drove bullies to single out only certain individuals, and what bullies look for in potential victims. Also, I wanted to know how bullying affected different people and the specific characteristics that determined victimhood. Most importantly, I researched and practiced different ways to stop people from victimizing me and how to overcome bullying.

In short, instead of allowing it to traumatize me, I wanted to learn from it

Therefore, I began researching bullying in 1995 after discovering a magazine article about a boy who had been bullied in school and eventually overcome it. During the nineties, I poured through countless library books, magazine articles, news columns, anything relating to the subject of bullying. I read about the different personalities of bullies, bystanders, and victims. I also poured through books and articles on the subject.

Additionally, I researched bullying related to school and office politics, social infrastructures, and the power dynamic. For the last 20 years, I have learned so much. Coupling personal experience with years of trial and error, I eventually overcome bullying and took back control of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have found the information and learned how to win the battle against bullying. However, it took me many years of not only research, but also trial and error before I was finally able to take back my personal power and declare victory over bullying. Although trial and error is progress, it is a slow and time-consuming process.

I Learned through Years of research and Trial and Error. But, Lucky You! You Don’t Have to!

With that said, one of the objectives of this blog is to save you years of trial and error. Another objective is to alleviate any confusion bullying may cause you. The material in this blog is material I wish was available when I needed it. In other words, I’d like to be the person for you that I needed when I was a target of bullying but didn’t have access to.

Today, too many young people are dying due to being the target of bullying. Children and teens are dying before their lives have even begun and it is a tragic waste of young life. Adults are dying before they have a chance to see improvement and it’s heartbreaking!

This is why I’m  passionate about re-empowering targets who endure bullying today. I know how it feels to be bullied by everyone for everything. It causes a pain so deep you can’t even cry!

What Can Happen When Bullies Target You?

When you endure bullying, many terrible things can happen. Friends you thought highly of and never thought would hurt you suddenly turn against you. Strangers will hear bad things about you and judge you before having the chance to meet you. Even worse, you will risk being physically assaulted.

Nevertheless, this blog will tackle all these scenarios and advise you of what you must do. I have respect for all other anti-bullying websites out there because they have the best intentions and truly desire to help victims. Of that, I have no doubt. However, as someone who has endured bullying in the past, I don’t feel that they get deep enough into the subject. In my humble opinion, they only gloss over the problem and there’s a lot to bullying they either leave out or haven’t though of.

This blog covers everything about bullying or related to it.

Why? Because bullying is so complex. It’s also a broad term and it’s hard to stop if you don’t know every tiny detail about it. That’s where we come in. This blog fills in all the holes and gaps.

So, here’s my message to victims and targets of bullying:

If people are mercilessly bullying you in school, work, or in the community, I want you to know that I’ve been right where you are. Also, I want you to be assured that the torment will not last forever. Even though you may not see an end to it now, there will come a day when you will be free of your tormentors. Therefore, you will be free to be your true authentic self without fear of ridicule. Know that all is not lost! You can go on to live a very happy, peaceful and prosperous life. I did it and you can do it too!

With knowledge comes empowerment!