Month: June 2021

Bullies Objectify Their Targets

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In abusing their targets, bullies objectify them- they reduce their targets to things, mere instruments or tools to make use of and then discard until they need them again.

To objectify someone is to dehumanize them by degrading them to the status of a thing. Targets are treated like things rather than people. Just as male chauvinists and sexual perverts objectify women and girls, bullies do the same with their targets.

Here’s how bullies objectify their targets:

1.Bullies consciously or unconsciously believe they own their targets. And it shows in that they violate their targets’ boundaries- talking down to them, putting their hands on them to cause bodily harm, nosing through, taking, or destroying their targets’ belongings, grabbing their targets and physically moving them if they happen to be in the way, sitting in their chairs, and leaning on their cars. This conveys that the bully thinks they own the target, that the target has no boundaries nor rights, and, therefore, the bullies feel they have carte blanche to do anything they want to them.

2. Denial of freedom, autonomy, and self-determination. Bullies will strip their targets of personal freedom. They boss them around, telling them what to do and how they should conduct themselves. They coerce their targets to do what they want them to do. Bullies also use threats of physical harm to make their targets submit. From the bullies’ perspective, targets have no right to protest nor question their abuse.

3. An instrument. Bullies often use their targets as tools to fulfill their own agendas. An example would be to hate on the target in a group to solidify the bully pack and tighten bonds with one another as they are abusing the target.

4. Silencing their targets. Bullies render their targets voiceless by taking away their voice. They use fear and retribution to keep the target from speaking.

5. They deny their targets’ humanity. To be human is to have the right to choose, be free to pursue your own goals and outcomes, deciding what is and isn’t valuable, and discovering ways to promote what you value.

This is the difference between being human and being an inanimate object. Unlike inanimate objects, humans have dignity. Bullies deliberately take all this away. Bullies are never mindful of their targets’ humanity nor will they consider it. Therefore, the bullies purposefully break the target’s will and reduce them to mere objects of sadistic abuse.

When the bullies succeed in breaking the target’s will by force, they can then possess the target’s autonomy, and with it, their humanity. Once the target loses their humanity, the bullies can then mold them into a thing to be used.

There can be no equality and therefore, no reciprocation in the surrender of the target’s will and humanity to bullies.

The more we learn about the bully mindset, what makes bullies tick, and the inner workings of bullies, the more we will be able to protect our self-esteem, our dignity, and our overall right to live and thrive in this world.

Targets of Bullying and Depression

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Depression is the lowest point a target can be driven to. Targets of bullying who are depressed have been bullied and beaten down so much, for so long that they’ve progressed downward.

First, these targets were weakened and made to feel inadequate. As the bullying continued, and, more than likely escalated, they next began to feel helpless and hopeless. As time progressed as did the bullying, these targets were driven even lower until they felt resigned. And once they felt resigned, they then sank into depression.

Why is Depression so bad?

It’ because it comes from a feeling of powerlessness. When you feel as if you have power over nothing- when you feel as if your life has been set to autopilot, it’s the epitome of hell on earth.

A depressed target doesn’t fight back because he/she has been worn down. Therefore, they resign themselves after so long. The target has been knocked down by his bullies (and life in general) too many times and they’ve finally given up. The target feels that no matter what he does and how hard he tries to remedy his circumstances, life only comes at him that much harder through his bullies.

Once a target of bullying reaches the point of severe depression, he loses the will to fight. For example, a bully will insult him, and the target will only become more depressed instead of angry. The reason for this is that the target has been brainwashed over time, by repeated and relentless attacks, to believe that he somehow deserves it, can do nothing about it, and is at the mercy of his bullies.

Bullies love picking on the depressed because they’re least likely to push back. Depressed targets see the bullying they suffer as proof of how undesirable and undeserving of happiness they are.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Understand that people who are depressed have already been diminished, so, the bullies don’t have to work so hard to bring them down. That work has already been accomplished. Therefore, all the bullies have to do is keep the target diminished. After all, it’s much easier (and a lot less time consuming) to keep someone down than it is to bring them down. It’s always easier to maintain something than to change it.

Depressed targets have often been run over by so may people that their interactions with others leave them with the belief that they’re inferior to everybody. They have such a sense of inferiority and undesirability and they often misinterpret gestures from others.

They mistake a genuine smile for pity, neutrality for aloofness, and a frown for rejection or contempt.

Targets who are depressed consciously or subconsciously berate themselves because the bullying and abuse they’ve suffered for so long and, in many cases, still suffer, has reshaped their thinking, feelings, self-evaluations, and self-belief.

I tell you these things because I was there once, and it was the lowest point of my life. And this post is for those who DO NOT understand what bullying can do and who DON’T understand depression and the sheer hell of it. Many people have been there, they understand. But sadly, there are also many who’ve never battled it and don’t understand it.

The effects of bullying and the depression it brings is heartbreaking because the target has been broken and may either remain that way, or spend years, even decades, mending and healing. But know that the target can heal.

Understand that this may require a lot of therapy, but they can reprogram themselves to regain their confidence and feel good again. They can take their lives back.

It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be hard, even exhausting at times, but will be worth it later. If you are battling depression brought about by bullying, or anything else, such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, accident, injury, or any traumatic event, know that there are people who care and can help you. You are not alone and it’s okay to not be okay.

I’m sending warm and loving thoughts and prayers your way!

How I Knew I Had Healed from Bullying

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When I could talk about and better yet, write about the bullying I had suffered and be open and honest about how it made me feel without feeling ashamed or embarrassed, that’s when I knew I had healed.

I also discovered some positive takeaways, such as wisdom, a sharper people sense, and an ability to detect lies and sense bad intentions. I also developed a determination to put my needs first and to say no. In short, I discovered the value of self-care.

I now realize that the bullying I suffered back then was only ensuring that I wouldn’t be a target later because it was teaching me exactly what to watch out for in other people. But even better, it was setting me on the path I was meant to be on. It was paving the way for me to help others!

Anytime we haven’t healed from trauma, we tend to bury it and deny it ever happened. We pretend we’re stronger than what we are, and we act as if we’re someone we aren’t. We run from it rather than admit what happened to us and how it changed our lives.

Healing isn’t easy because to heal requires that we feel the pain. We must allow ourselves to go through emotions that aren’t comfortable and that make us feel vulnerable and out of control. That’s the most difficult part. We must admit to ourselves that our bullies and abusers made us feel weak. Understand that this process will take time. It will not happen quickly. It may even take years.

But in the end, it will be worth it because once the pain and feelings of vulnerability are dealt with and begin to subside, we can move on and get our lives back. We can finally attain the happiness we deserve.

In fact, we can use what we endured to help someone else who is currently suffering the same scourge and there’s nothing more rewarding!

This is what makes us not only survivors, but overcomers, winners, conquerors!

So, know that you can escape bullying. You can heal, and you can overcome! You too can become a conqueror! Please hold on to hope!

Determined Bullies: Why They Hate It When You Counter Their Attacks

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It’s because any time you counter a bully, not only do you restore your self-esteem, but you also restore the balance of power. In other words, you take back your personal power, the very thing your bullies are trying to take away from you.

This puts bullies in panic mode because they feel that if they lose power over the target, they’ll then lose power over everyone and everything. To further break this down, the bullies are afraid they will lose face, and with that, they will lose respect, credibility, allies, and support. Then, they will become the bullied.

Bullies have an obsessive fear of going from hunters to the hunted. And why not? You aren’t the only person they’ve bullied. There were many others before you and bullies know all too well that most normal people hate people like them, and love to see them get what’s coming to them.

Everyone loves to see a bully get brought down and once a bully is brought down, no one will ever allow them to get up again, to put it figuratively.

This is why bullies will pull out all the stops to keep their targets under their control. If the bullies cannot control their targets, they control nothing. Most people are still under the presumption that targets are weak and if a bully can no longer dominate the target others will see that and the bully will be at everyone else’s mercy.

Others will look at the failed bully and think, “Wow! If he can’t handle a wimp like him (the target) then he really couldn’t handle me! This is a juicy opportunity! I can punk this creep out so easily!”

The bully then becomes the new man on the bottom. Gasp! Because if you can’t overpower the person who’s deemed the weakest link in the bunch, then you become the new weakest link! Ouch! Talk about a humbling situation!

Therefore, the bully retaliates against the target for daring to stand their ground and assert their basic rights, the target counters again, and the bully only hates the target that much more. And with each provocation from the bully and each counter the target delivers- each wise crack, each sarcastic comeback, each clever witticism the target returns, the more determined the bully is to tip the scales of power back in his favor and save face.

With the target’s counter jab comes pain and humiliation for the bully and the human reflex is always to punish or eliminate the cause of that pain and humiliation. And the punishment can come in psychological or physical form.

When a target stands up to a bully, the bully feels stripped of power because the target just upset that power imbalance and took back her power. Therefore, the bully retaliates to restore the power imbalance and retake the target’s personal power.

In cases like these, targets have two choices, either keep fighting back with counterattacks or give up and feel even worse about themselves later. And most targets who’ve had enough will keep fighting until the bully gives up and leaves them alone.

And I would encourage them to do so because, eventually, bullies will give up after being humiliated so many times, then they’ll slink off with their tails between their legs and find another person to dominate. Remember that bullies must always have a victim. It’s sad and pathetic but it’s true. But all you should concern yourself with at this point is that they leave you alone. Then later, once you heal and recover from the exchange, you can help the new target.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Attaining Happiness

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Happiness isn’t a one-size fits all. I believe the reason why people have such a hard time reaching happiness is because they’re under the assumption that happiness is about having truckloads of money, having the perfect body, living in a big mansion, and being popular. Granted, those things are nice, but it won’t win you happiness.

The truth is that happiness is different things to different people. Some people find happiness in going fishing, hunting, boating, camping- enjoying the outdoors. Others find happiness in arts, crafts, and woodwork.

One person may be like me, find their happiness in their family, writing books, blogging, music, and sitting in their backyard swing with their pets but another person may find happiness in shopping, going to concerts and visiting museums. Some may even find happiness at work.

Happiness boils down to finding things you enjoy doing and doing it, and, if you feel you don’t have time to do one of your hobbies, try to make time for it. It’s also about enjoying relationships with the ones you love and enjoying nature.

It’s the simple things in life that make you happy and it’s free to anyone who wants it. Realize that it’s often the little things that mean so much.