Tag: self-defense

self-defense

One Way to Trick Your Bullies into Leaving You Alone

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Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes, or at least make it look like you’re surrendering to them. In life, there are times when we should pick and choose our battles- to decide whether to fight back or leave well enough alone. It is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll only enrage the bullies and throw them off-kilter because they were looking for a fight and so sure they’d get one but didn’t.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you surrender (or make it look as if you do), you give yourself time to recuperate and time to torture and irritate your bullies subtly. You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. Maybe you can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

You don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency- to fool them into thinking they’ve won. Understand that bullies are continually trying to show dominance and superiority, and if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them (for the time being) makes them feel satisfied and powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove or indirect ridicule.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction, and they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Here’s How the Dynamics Change When You Stand Up to a Bully

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Anytime you stand up to or reject a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. You immediately take your personal power back and you automatically put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority. You flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle rejection because they feel that they must always be in the position of power in a relationship, especially the bully/target relationship.

A bully gets angry enough when anyone stands up to them. But if the person standing up to them happens to be the target- someone that they’ve grown accustomed to abusing- someone who they deem inferior, that’s when the bully really loses their marbles.

This is because the target is most likely on the bottom of the pecking order and when she finally bucks up and stands up to a bully, she then (figuratively) trades places with the bully and puts the bully on the bottom of the pecking order, if only for that moment. That’s what the bully can’t handle and that’s why he/she will explode with rage.

The bully’s unspoken message is:

“How dare you!”

“Who is this phlegm-wad to stand up to me? ME!

“This piece of scum is supposed to be under me and here she is talking to me and acting like she’s OVER me! Oh no! This can’t happen! Who does this loser think she is!”

“The nerve of that &#$%!”

“She’s making trouble and now I’ve got to really act out to put her back under me where she belongs!”

Understand that bullies rely on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion to get what they want from you. And they’ve been steamrolling people and getting their way for so long that they’ve become quite arrogant and self-satisfied. And when you finally have enough of their gas and set your foot down, you can bet that it’s going to throw these types of people off. And do you know what else it’s going to do?

It’s going to blast a huge hole in their ego and it will shock the bejeebers out of them. Then the bullies will become highly PO’ed. In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll more than likely go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. If the bully is a narcissist (and most bullies are), he will go into what is called narcissistic rage. And trust me, you don’t want to be anywhere around when this happens.

So, keep this in the back of your mind and be prepared. If you are a target of bullying and anytime you get fed up with others’ abuse and finally grow a spine, you can bet that your bullies will do anything they can to break it. It’s why they escalate the bullying when a target stops accepting the bad treatment and begins speaking out and asserting themselves.

Understand that a bully has a very delicate ego and his ego is involved. When you tell them to go kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority over you. Even worse, you put them into an inferior position and the bully knows that. Bullies are very prideful and their pride takes a huge blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than to be made inferior, especially to their targets.

When you stand up to your bullies, be prepared for a battle because they will become vindictive. Your bullies will seek revenge on you and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it. Realize that they don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years and they don’t care that you’ve suffered.

The only thing they are thinking at this moment is that you challenged their superiority and authority. You are a target and nothing else. You are beneath them, yet you had the nerve to undermine them and make them look like punks and now you must pay a price for it. This is how bullies think.

Now yes, some bullies will back down but many will not.

However, know that you must defend yourself no matter what because you have a right to safety and to be treated with dignity. And if the bullies and bullying become too much to deal with, there’s nothing wrong with leaving the environment. Realize that leaving is not running and it’s not being fearful or “chicken.” It’s self-care, it’s smarts, and it’s self-preservation. You must do what you must to protect not only your physical health, but also your mental health.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Doing What Ya Gotta Do is Sometimes Doing What You Wouldn’t Normally Do

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Anytime you’re bullied, you become desperate and will go to any means to take the bad spotlight off yourself. Many times, I would pit a few of my classmates against each other. If I knew of a few who disliked or hated each other, I’d very quietly and slyly pit them against each other.

An offhand comment here, another there, and I’d have them fighting among themselves. Yeah, I know, it was a shady thing to do. However, if I could keep them fighting among themselves, then I could distract their attention and hostility away from me and thus, keep the spotlight away!

Again, when you’re chronically bullied like I was, you’ll do anything and I mean anything to get a nice, albeit short, a reprieve from all the drama. And sometimes, “ya gotta do what ya gotta do” to keep yourself safe- even though it isn’t necessarily the right thing to do.

I understand. You never set out to cause anyone harm. You don’t want to cause discord. However, sometimes you’ll do what you normally wouldn’t do to protect yourself. So, if you have to, keep them too busy fighting each other to even think about you, I completely understand your position. Your only goal is to keep yourself safe!

Sometime later, I’ll give you more detailed pointers on how I did it.
Until next post! Stay safe and stay well!

2 Reasons Why Ignoring Bullies Won’t Make Them Go Away

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I cannot count the times I was advised by both family members and teachers to “just ignore them.” – to ignore my bullies and their guff. However, when I took that advice, I found out that it only made the situation worse.

They only escalated their attacks. Ignoring bullies is a slap in the face to them because they’re about taking power any way they can. When you ignore them, you proverbially thumb your nose at them. You send them the message that you refuse to bow down to them or let them scare you. This is not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. You’re handling it the best way you can and that makes you the better person.

But the problem is that when you ignore the bullies, one of two things happen:

1. It only infuriates the bullies. They become much more determined to “get you.” And they won’t stop until they do. I want you to realize that if bullies can’t get any reaction out of you, they will push you and push you until you snap. They will then claim that you are mentally imbalanced. Or they might physically attack you.

2. Bullies mistake your ignoring them for fear. Bullies are like a pack of wolves. If they even think they smell fear, look out! Anytime bullies think you’re afraid of them, they know they have you and they move in for the kill. They’ll bully just for fun and the power rush they get from your (perceived) fear. And they won’t stop because they won’t be able to get enough of that power high. Understand that the high they get is no different than a drug. Once they’re addicted to bullying you, they’ll always come back when that rush wears off and they need another fix.

It’s much better to stand up to them and set boundaries from the start. Never let it go one for long without asserting yourself. Look the bullies in the eyes and tell them in no uncertain terms that you’re the wrong one and that you won’t tolerate their crap. If you take a stand right when the harassment begins, chances are good that they’ll back off and go find someone else to jerk around.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You Have a Right to Respond in Kind When Someone Mistreats You

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There’s absolutely nothing wrong with responding in kind when someone tries to mistreat you. It shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person and that you won’t tolerate crap from bullies. It also shows that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, corporations, educators, and even certain members of our families that responding in kind only makes us as bad as the bullies. And we’re still being conditioned to believe it. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power and anyone they deem as weak is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse and that they can walk on you anytime they feel like it. There’ll be no stopping them from escalating the bullying and no limit to what they’ll try next.

Full Length of Two Adult Woman Standing Side by Side with Hands on Hips in Separate Lanes of Outdoor Running Track – Two Friends Sizing Up Competition

You must set boundaries, and how you set boundaries is by imposing consequences on anyone who violates those boundaries. But how do you impose consequences? By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Notice I say “respond” and not react. By responding the right way, you show that you’re not afraid to stand your ground and that you command the same dignity and respect given to the next person.

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet, we’re very subtly being told that we should take it, and with a smile, and a yes sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

Um- no! That’s now how life or human nature works! Every action is followed by a response!

Bullies must realize that there are consequences if they harm another person. And we must realize that it is the threat of consequences that keeps the bad guys from coming for us and keeps us safe. Without accountability, there would be chaos and anarchy! Bullies would have free reign over us all.

So, never be afraid to respond in kind and never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself and treat yourself well.

The more you know…

Bully-Targets: Targets Who Fight Back with Violence

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Bullies may indeed beat the target into submission, but that submission is only temporary. Worse, bullying, beatings, and punishing the target only does one of two things:

It re-enforces the target’s belief that he is vulnerable and that others are hostile toward him- which makes the target that much more likely to defy the bullies to assert his right to exist and to fight back.

Or…

The target may attack a weaker and more accessible adversary.

These targets feel vulnerable (and sadly, they are) and they become hypersensitive to confrontations like disparagement or domination. Violent targets come to see other people’s actions and words as affronts. These targets think nobody can be trusted. They also view their entire lives as a battle.

Bully-Victims, or bully-targets are bullied but also bully others they perceive to be weaker. In other words, they are bullies who get bullied by other bullies.

Many bully-targets also suffer severe abuse at home and have a history of demanding attitudes, disobedience, disruptive behavior, and rebellion. With the exception of being severely abused at home, this was me years ago. I felt safe at home but once I left the house, I felt like an endangered species.

PTSD

As implied earlier, many other bully-targets view their lives as a battlefield because they are abused at home and at school, or work. The abuse they suffer is never-ending and something they can never get a respite from. Therefore, their response is to retaliate and rebel against a world they feel is against them.

They are often severely punished at home for the most minor of infractions- being too loud, being too rambunctious- basically, for simply being a kid!

Many bully-targets have parents who always seem irritated and adults in their families who over-criticize them, threaten them, slap them around, and beat them. One boy who was a bully-target opened up about having a father who would double up his fist in his face and threaten to “knock him through the wall.”

It’s because of things like this that these kids are angry and lash out so easily. The abuse and bullying they suffer does not force them to comply, it only further enrages them.

These kids feel mistreated, misunderstood, and tossed away. They feel that everyone is against them and why not? The abuse they suffer both in and outside the home seems to confirm it!

This is why many targets who fight back are mistaken for bullies. They are perceived by others to be bullying others when, in fact, they are defending themselves.

These kids have the most difficult time with people and with life in general and their futures are at stake. These are the kids who need the most help. And it’s up to us to reach out and help them.

If you know someone who is a target of bullying and falls into this category, I cannot stress enough the importance of being there for them and getting them help. Please don’t give up on them because they aren’t hopeless and there’s still time to help them turn their lives around. By reaching out to these kids, you will be saving their future and their lives!

When the Target is Made Out to Be the Bad Guy

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When the target has had enough of being bullied and abused, and he/she snaps and overreacts, bystanders and authority are often under the delusion that the target’s reaction takes away from the fact that people have mistreated and abused them for such a long time- that it somehow detracts from the truth that it was the bullies who drove them to overreact.

As a result, many targets stop defending themselves because of this very thing. It seems that every time they stand up for themselves, even if they did it in a calm manner, they were punished for it.

Therefore, targets feel they have no other choice than to stay silent. They are forced to resign themselves, stay quiet, and do what the bullies want, which is to allow them to continue to bully and abuse.

The fear of being made the villain, no matter what they do, supersedes their natural desire to self-defend. In their silence, targets hope that other people will see by their passivity that they really are, in fact, the victim. But, in most cases, this doesn’t work either.

The target is damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

But understand that bullies use this as a weapon. If they can make you look like the instigator when you defend yourself, they then become brazen and have carte balance to bully you more frequently, more severely, and more openly.

People will believe what they want to believe about you and if they want to think that you’re crazy, arrogant, whatever, there’s not much you can do but to not associate with them.

However, you must, no matter how they shout you down and no matter how they blame and punish you, tell your side of the story. You must speak out about the abuse even if no one wants to listen to it.

Just the having your say alone can give you such a relief. The fact that you got it off your chest and out in the open keeps you from internalizing everything and your self-esteem from being destroyed. This is all a part of self-care.

And when you’re against these types of odds, self-care is the most important. Realize that, although the bullies may never change their behavior toward you, they can never stop you from taking care of yourself. In these situations, all you have is you. So, practice self-care. Show yourself compassion and do what you must do to preserve your safety and mental health. Be your own best friend. Fight for yourself.

You’re worth fighting for. Don’t you think? I do.

Doxxing- When Cyber-Bullying Goes Too Far

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scared and sad female teenager with computer laptop suffering cyberbullying and harassment being online abused by stalker or gossip feeling desperate and humiliated in cyber bullying.

 

Not long ago, I wrote a post entitled, “Cyber-Bullies, Stalkers, and Trolls.” In it I mentioned the importance of not letting faceless cowards get to you. I also mentioned that most of the above were a bunch of losers who were living in their mom’s basements and were bored and miserable with their existences and were to be laughed at or pitied.

And that’s most certainly true with most keyboard warriors. But!

What happens when online bullying goes too far? What happens when you encounter a more sinister troll- one who doxxes you and finds out your address, cellphone number, where you work, go to school, hang out- or, even scarier, who your family members are?

Then, it’s no laughing matter! This is a situation you must take seriously because things can get dangerous fast. If a troll doxxes you and finds out all this information, who’s to say the cyber-stalking bully won’t show up at your door and try to break in? Who’s to say the creep won’t go after your spouse and kids?

Anytime you have a doxxer on your tail, you’re dealing with a very vindictive, diabolical, and mentally disturbed individual(s) and you don’t know what the person is capable of!

In recent years, we’ve heard many, many stories of people being doxxed and creeps showing up on their doorsteps wanting to deal with them personally. Some people have had to go into hiding and a few have even had to go underground. It’s terrifying!

This is not paranoia; these are real and legitimate fears. And it’s plain to see that the law isn’t doing enough to protect innocent, law-abiding citizens when it comes to cyber-bullying and doxxing.

I believe the reason why people aren’t protected, and laws aren’t passed to crack down on trolling, cyber-bullying, cyber-stalking, and doxxing is because neither Big Tech nor the government takes it seriously, and may even condone the behavior.

Big Tech is too powerful. Also, many of our lawmakers, especially ones of the Far Radical Left, secretly encourage this kind of behavior. How else could they keep track of, instill fear in, and censor those who do not go along with their narratives and who don’t live their lives the way the Far Radical Left thinks they should?

So, why would they regulate their own minions and tools who’ve been working for them and risk Big Tech de-funding their causes and campaigns?

Sadly, I don’t expect any laws to be passed to protect private citizens against doxxing anytime soon. In fact, if certain wealthy people on the Far Radical Left (like George Soros, for instance) actually hire people to cyber-bully, troll, and dox “dissenters,” it’s a given that nothing will be done to protect the innocent.

Doxxing cyber bullying

With that said, if you’re ever in a situation where you’ve been cyber-stalked and doxxed by a cyber-bully, you must do what you must do to protect your privacy (or what little of it we all have left). Be aware of your surroundings and if anyone approaches you or breaks into your home, do what you’ve got to do to stay safe!

You have a  God-given, primal, and Constitutional right to protect yourself and the people you love. Yeah! You know what I’m saying. If someone inters your home uninvited and has clear intentions to hurt you and your family, you know what to do!

I may get some heat from the PC “woke” crowd over this post, but I don’t care. When it comes to safety and protection of human lives, any feelings and opinions automatically take a back seat. Period. Full stop!

Because, if some creep ever invades my house and it comes down to the lives of myself and my family, it’s no holds barred!

And I’d much rather be judged by twelve than carried by six- or worse, one of my family members get carried by six.

How to Use Your Bullies’ Attacks Against Them

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You drag them out.

What do I mean by this?

When they attack you with insults, you simply say, “That’s your opinion,” or “Opinions vary.” When you do this, you will only force the bullies to repeat the attacks over and over again- drag them out until they become boring and redundant.

I won’t kid you; this technique won’t be an easy thing to do. Any time we are attacked, our first instinct is to jab back with attacks of our own. But sadly, this usually proves ineffective as it only pulls us down to the bully’s level.

Also, although this method can be effective in the workplace, it’s much harder and usually takes much longer to have an effect as adults are more tenacious and stealthier with their bullying. This strategy works much better in the school environment.

Respond, yes. But react, no.

And how you respond is with short comebacks like those above, then walk away and leave the bullies standing there, running their mouths and looking stupid. Because, when you don’t give them the response they want (which is for you to attack them back by name-calling, yelling, screaming, or cursing), their natural reactions will be to repeat, repeat, repeat like a broken record.

In other words, you force the bullies to repeat the same attacks until it gets so old and stale that others outside the bully/target dynamic get thoroughly sick of hearing the bullies that they no longer pay attention to it.

In deploying this neat little method, you expose the bullies’ fakery and the childishness of their attacks. You also expose the weakness of the bullies’ position, which they thought was their strength. Instead of turning their “audience” against you, they end up alienating them because bystanders become bored after a while.

Sadly, I didn’t know this at the time I was a target.

Faking a Surrender to Bullies to Trick Them into Leaving You Alone

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Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes, or at least make it look like you’re surrendering to them. In life, there are times when we should pick and choose our battles- to decide whether to fight back or leave well enough alone. It is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll only enrage the bullies and throw them off-kilter because they were looking for a fight and so sure they’d get one but didn’t.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you surrender (or make it look as if you do), you give yourself time to recuperate and time to torture and irritate your bullies subtly. You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. Maybe you can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

You don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency- to fool them into thinking they’ve won. Understand that bullies are continually trying to show dominance and superiority, and if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them (for the time being) makes them feel satisfied and powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove or indirect ridicule.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction, and they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!