As a survivor of bullying, people often ask me, “What’s the worst thing about being bullied?” Here are my answers:
1. It’s the pinned up fear and rage you feel but don’t dare show. It’s the paralyzing social fear that sets in. It shuts you down and leaves you withdrawn from the rest of the world. Once people have bullied you for so long, you become intensely paranoid and suspicious of every person you meet. Any laughter you hear, you automatically think, is directed at you.
2. It’s the confusion. You know that you should take a stand against the bullies. You know that you should speak out about it, only you don’t know how to do it, and you’re terrified that it will only make things worse.
3. It’s the unanswered questions that play in your mind a thousand times a day. “Why me?” “What have I done to these people” “How do I fix this?” are the questions you have in your head every time bullies surround you and harass you. You know what you want to say to the bullies. “Look! Leave me the &%$# alone!” you scream inside your head but don’t’ dare say it because you know what’s likely to come next.
4. It’s the feeling of loneliness and isolation. When we suffer bullying, not only do bullies smear us to keep us isolated and from making any new friends, but we- WE automatically put up walls of protection to keep other people out, which only reinforces the separation from others.
5. It’s the loss of your entire personhood. You forget how to smile, laugh, and have a good time and how to connect with and interact with others. You’re no longer that vibrant, happy, and healthy person you once were. And each insult, each back-biting rumor, each physical attack, each joke, and each prank cuts a little deeper, chips away at your self-esteem, and brings you lower. You feel trapped. You feel as if your bullies are holding you hostage!
Bullies can ruin a target’s life! And they can alter your entire life if you don’t make the changes needed to take your life back.
I won’t kid you. To get out of the hole that your bullies have forced you into, you will have to work hard.
You’ll first need to get out of that environment (if possible), then focus on healing, and lastly, change your entire mindset, which means altering your thought patterns, your attitude, and your whole demeanor. And this change won’t happen overnight but may take years.
However, you must be patient and put in the work and time to take back your confidence and happiness. But I promise you, it will be worth it in the long run, and you’ll be so glad you put in the time and effort!
With knowledge comes empowerment.
i discovered that you try to make yourself smaller so you don’t stand out as a large target.
Hey, Molly! I’ve been accused of it a time or two. 😁😁😁 Hope your day’s going well. 💖💐🌹
Thank you for this post… I shared it.. lol Once again, you hit the nail on the head and help me learn something new, that helps me, help myself! You are right tho, it is a lot of hard work, but so worth it in the end! I will do what I have to do, every day if need be, to get better!
You’re most welcome, Stella! 💖💖💖
You’re most welcome, Stella! 💖 And I can’t say it enough! I’m so proud of you! Like the Viginia Slims ad, “You’ve come a long way, baby!” Oh, crap! I’m showing my age! 😜😜😜
I noticed you mentioned that your readers emailed you on some other post. How do I email you if I wanted to? Feel free to let me know if that’s not an option right now
Sure you can email me. My email is in my contact information.
Don’t I know it! For years after, I suffered from intrusive thoughts where I would replay the situation but instead I gave the bullies a good hiding. It only made me feel worse. Your way is much better.
I totally understand, Michael! And the ruminating is the worst.
Looking 👀 good 🌟
I think what happens is it makes us not reach our potential. For example, I know you have said in the past you sing and apparently you have a beautiful voice. Consider this. If you went on say a singing competition and it was posted on You Tube, here is what what happen. Some would say it was awesome (and I have no doubts it would be) but there will always be those few trolls or those who had a personal vendetta if they caught wind of it that would say it sucked even if you sounded like Pavorti. Read any messageboard about a celebrity, musician, athlete, etc. There are also those few who have nothing nice to say and they have already decided they hate it or you without hearing a note.
So it comes down to who are you going to listen to? Most importantly to yourself and being your true self. But what about those 100 people who said you were great as opposed to the 3 who said you weren’t. Unfortunately, we tend to listen to the 3 and that puts doubts in our mind and many times we will shy away or quit because of the ignorance or meanness of others but we all have done it.
Give you another example. Take romantic attraction. How many of us have had romantic feelings for someone else and never told them or told them after the fact out of fear of rejection (I HAVE!) and then you realize you missed a potential opportunity, maybe they felt the same way, or at least you know but you never gave them the chance to respond either way. And attraction is a funny thing and no two people are the same. There have been times in my life if I expressed interest (and by the way I don’t believe men should always have to do the asking, I think both genders should say how they feel) when people have responded positively sometimes to my surprise and sometimes they haven’t been interested. And it is weird I have dated a few people I thought were “out of my league” yet they saw me as something special and then someone who was more average and they declined so the attraction thing is weird but if one person rejects us we take it as a slight that there is something wrong with us.
Bingo! Even celebrities and other exceptionally talented people get bullied and told they suck! People are just mean that way and it’s sad. And yasss! I had a crush on a guy years ago and didn’t tell him. Turns out that he had a crush on me to and he was also silent about it. GUILTY AS CHARGED! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂