Tag: workplace bullying

workplace bullying

tactics bullies use against you

Tactics Bullies Use: 6 Things They Do to Throw You Off

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Do you know the most common tactics bullies use? You will find them here so that you will recognize them if they happen to you.

tactics bullies use

There are many tactics bullies use. However, many of them aren’t as obvious as others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn more about the sneakier ones so that you can call them out and defend yourself from them.

Once you learn all these techniques, you will be able to protect yourself more easily and even overcome bullying altogether.

This post is all about the tactics bullies use, so you can name them and protect yourself.

Tactics Bullies Use

Although you may understand the context of what is happening, you may not know how to name it. So, let’s discuss.

1. Rattling You

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle you to intimidate you and throw you off balance. It’s how they mess with your mind. For example, if you’re a kid who is being bullied in school, here’s what your bullies may do to rattle you.

  • Deliberately knock over your drink and spill it
  • Pluck a piece of food from your plate and pop it into their mouth at lunch.
  • Kick your books, backpack, or purse with their foot
  • Fling your hair back
  • Flick your nose with one finger
  • Give you a non-friendly slap on the back
  • Shoulder-check you as they walk past you in the hall or parking lot
  • Knock your hat or cap off.

Workplace bullies may also knock your files off your desk. This doesn’t happen often, but it isn’t unheard of.

Understand that bullies use these tactics to provoke a reaction. They may even be looking for a fight. Why else would they invade your space or territory?

tactics bullies use.

2. Daring You.

For example, a bully may stand with feet apart and arms wide, forming a T-stance. By doing this, the bully is telling you to “Bring it” or “Come on, I dare you.”

3. Making deliberate, sudden movements.

For instance, the bully may back away from you and act like he is going to punch you, then stop himself and laugh.

They may also lunge at you, then stop themselves. These tactics are the favorite of bullies. Understand that bullies make these deliberate moves to cause you to flinch.

They then stand back and laugh. Then, they claim that this normal reaction is proof that you’re scared of them and don’t have the guts to fight them back.

4. Mock physical attacks.

For example, bullies may begin dancing around the room and shadowboxing. By doing this, the bully is clearly showing what he wants to do to you.

Understand that when bullies toy with you, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out as it is.

The best defense against this is calling the bully out. Here’s what you say:

  • “Do you realize how foolish you look?”
  • “Wow! You look like a total moron!”, “whack-job”, etc.

Understand that there is a proper way to counter a bully using these kinds of tactics. And that is to insult his intelligence or sanity. And when you do, it’s best to do it in front of an audience.

The bully will either back off or react emotionally. Bullies absolutely despise looking like fools and being called out on it.

Tactics Bullies Use:

5. Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha questions, but so are bullies. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha questions are those that put you in a bad light, no matter how you respond. They can do damage even if you don’t respond to them at all.

Therefore, these are the types bullies will ask you in public, just to humiliate you. In fact, these kinds are best asked in front of an audience.

Gotcha questions are forms of entrapment. Why? Because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

examples of Gotchas:

  • “Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says Jeff was arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested, whether his friends realize it or not.

If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends are aware of it.

  • “Hey, Jennifer, how many people know that you spent time in a mental institution?”

Again, the question makes a statement- one that says that Jennifer was institutionalized. It implies that she was in a mental institution, whether anyone knows it or not.

If Jennifer answers yes, it means that she has mental issues, and others know about it. A no means that no one knows that she has a mental illness and that she’s hiding it from everyone.

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Bullies ask gotchas to entrap you.

  • “Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this, the bully is accusing Tabitha of having alcoholism without directly doing so. It’s a slick way for them to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information.

It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

  • “Does Ella know that you slept with her boyfriend?”

Here, you have three options. You can answer yes or no, or choose not to respond. Either way, the bully is still implying that you slept with Ella’s boyfriend. It’s a stealthy way for the questioner to call you a whore.

Therefore, if you are being bullied, you must learn very quickly how to spot gotcha questions. Then, you must call them out as such. Be sure to respond in a way that makes you look the least guilty.

healthy responses to gotchas:

If a bully ever confronts you with a gotcha, this is how to respond:

  • “You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”
  • “You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I’m wise to your games. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible.

It may or may not save your good name. However, you’ll feel good knowing you called it out without letting the bully throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

Tactics Bullies Use:

6. Smear Campaigns

It always starts subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. And all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because bystanders will want to believe it.

If enough people do, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion, no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, the bullies will fade into the background.

They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! Let’s break it down.

How it works:

For example, bullies start by suggesting that you would be better off getting professional help. They will say that it’s for your own good.

They may then drop an offhand comment here and another there. In the beginning, you may have friends and be very well-liked. And they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when your bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what they told you.” Or, the bullies may lie to them by claiming that sometime in the past, you stabbed them in the back.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies, even things that never happened.

Tactics Bullies Use:

The rumors get bigger and more bizarre as they spread.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, they get bigger. Finally, they sound so bizarre that they’d make good content for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. And I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

Wrong!

Once the rumors start sticking, your buddies will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth. Therefore, you’ll no longer have a clean reputation.

Before long, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect. And the only reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into everyone’s hearts.

They’ll say you put on a front. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Your good qualities won’t matter.

They’ll rewrite your history. Your past wins and accomplishments will be made irrelevant. They will minimize anything good about you, while maximizing your mistakes and failures.

Even if they see with their own eyes evidence of your successes, friendships, or anything positive, they’ll deny it. Or they’ll only react by claiming that you’re a smooth-talker who’s darn good at manipulating others.

Moreover, your former friends will claim that they never liked you from the start. They’ll only say that they were kind to you because you deceived them.

They’ll tell others, “who you really are.” And they’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations. If they ever agreed with you about your bullies, they only did so because you fooled them.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Telling your side of things will be pointless.

And telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

Their minds will already be made up, and there will be no changing them.

What you should do if you ever find yourself in this situation.

Many of the tactics bullies use are good. You’ve got to admit. Moreover, they’re damn hard to undo.

If you ever become the target of a smear campaign, it’s best to find a way out of the environment. And don’t look back. Also, you must write these people off forever.

This post is all about the sneaky tactics bullies use so you can recognize them and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2.  Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims 

4. Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or a just an Asshole?

5.  How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

when bullying progresses to mobbing psychology

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

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What happens when bullying progresses to mobbing? What are the signs that it’s headed that way? Read here to find out.

when bullying progresses to mobbing

In this post, you will learn how to tell when bullying progresses to mobbing.

Once you learn all these tell-tale signs, you will be able to get out of the environment before things get too toxic.

This post outlines the signs you’ll notice when bullying progresses to mobbing so you can begin creating an exit plan before the abuse reaches a fever pitch.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

Mobbing is bullying by large groups. It happens when everyone in a school, workplace, or community collectively harasses a targeted individual.

The mob often acts under the influence of a ringleader in a position of power. Mobbing usually happens out of retaliation.

It begins when a bullying victim gets fed up with abuse and finally speaks up about it. There are other names for mobbing, such as Collective Bullying.

Remember that bullies and their followers expect you to stay quiet. Moreover, they demand that you bow down to and submit to it.

And when you finally assert your right to be treated as a human being, they punish you for it.

How do you describe it?

A large group of people (a mob) targets you because you opened your mouth. Over time, they become increasingly aggressive. Moreover, the number of attackers grows until you’re completely isolated.

Understand that this is coordinated. It’s designed to strip you of power. They reinforce a shared negative view of you, regardless of your prior reputation.

As vicious gossip circulates, destructive labels and damaging accusations will follow. And they only further alienate you from everyone else.

The mob will expand to include several teachers or managers and large numbers of students or coworkers. What’s shocking is that even the sweetest, most compassionate people suddenly become mean and nasty.

And they won’t think they’re participants in bullying. Instead, they’ll see themselves as defenders against an evil enemy.

They’ll justify their behavior. Why? Because if they saw themselves as bullying participants, it would go against their sense of decency.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

In groups, people change quickly.

Groups change people. Always! Why? Because they feel they must conform. Mobbing is the most damaging because you quickly lose support.

More people jump on the hate bandwagon until everyone closes ranks, and there’s no one left who will help you. And, once bullying escalates to mobbing, it’s nearly impossible to stop.

Chronic Bullying

Chronic bullying is bullying that has persisted over time. When bullying has gone on for six months or longer, people grow comfortable with the bullying.

Therefore, they will skyrocket the torment and pursue you obsessively and nonstop. Why? Because there’s no accountability. And if there’s no accountability, they have no incentive to stop.

As a result, the bullies become cocky. In fact, they get so brazen that the cruelty only grows.

Also, bystanders’ apathy grows until they lose all empathy. Then, they can only feel blind hatred toward you. It gets so bad that anything they do to you, no matter how dangerous, is acceptable.

Why? Because, to them, you have no value, and your life is worth nothing. The scary thing is that it progresses more quickly than you realize. Therefore, you must find ways to address it in the early stages.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The bullying seems to take on a life of its own.

As mentioned earlier, the bullies have followers and minions backing them up. They enlist flying monkeys to do their dirty work.

Before long, the bullying becomes so ingrained and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own. Bullies become drunk on their own power. Their hatred seems to be all they can focus on.

Instead of controlling their behavior, the behavior controls them. The bullies are blinded by senseless rage. And they’re so addicted to power that the abuse becomes constant. This is a dangerous combination.

Understand that when bullying progresses to mobbing, bullies don’t see you as a human being. As far as they’re concerned, you don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as they do.

This is why mobbing can be especially dangerous. Once it reaches this level, you run the risk of either dying by suicide or being murdered.

Get out of the environment as soon as you figure out that they’re mobbing you. Transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area. It’s the only way you will find peace.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The Process Step-By-Step

If you’ve ever been a target of mobbing, you know firsthand how destructive it is. Mobbing is hard to remedy.

The reason is that the tactics are difficult to name or describe. Another reason is that it can leave you so distraught that you’re unable to think clearly.

Here’s something I want you to realize. A mobbing campaign is nowhere near as tricky as it looks.

You’d be amazed at just how simple it is to smear someone. It’s so easy that it shouldn’t be so effective, but it is!

Here’s a chronological, step-by-step recap of how bullies do it and succeed at it:

1. Target Selection.

Here’s a scenario of mobbing in the workplace.

The bullies at XYZ company dislike a specific lady who refuses to conform to their standards. In the past, the bullies successfully influenced everyone else. They have gotten them to submit.

Then, along comes Cindy. She’s beautiful and extremely likable. Confident and outgoing, she makes friends easily.

However, she does her own thing. Cindy is fiercely independent, and this threatens the bullies’ power.

She doesn’t realize that by doing her thing, she’s enraging the bullies. So, she goes on about her business. She plans for her future and achieves good things.

Also, she gets loads of positive attention and praise from others because she’s so successful and well-liked.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

2. Probing.

The bullies watch Cindy closely. They consistently clock her to study her behavior to anticipate her reactions. They figure out her likes and dislikes. Moreover, they find what excites her.

3. Smear Campaign

Next, the bullies begin to smear Cindy. They gossip and spread ugly rumors about her.

Through their lies, they train others to expect a specific type of behavior from Cindy. They point out specific behaviors when they occur.

The bullies then associate Cindy’s completely innocent behavior with something bad or evil. For example, Cindy is sweet, playful, and likes to engage in a little banter.

The bullies watch Cindy banter with people at work. She playfully calls someone a “dummy” or a “goofball,” but others know that it’s all harmless. Cindy is a genuinely kind person.

Therefore, she’s only teasing.

4. The bullies begin making offhand comments.

They remark that her kindness is only an attempt to kiss ass. They say that she wants something from people. Therefore, they plant a little seed of doubt.

Maybe Cindy thinks the people around her really are dummies. She only disguises it under a veil of fun jokes and playfulness. And she’s funny.

The bullies also make statements that she thinks she’s cute. They tell others that she thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. Then repeat, repeat, repeat!

To quote a propaganda minister to a well-known dictator in history, “Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

5. The repeated narrative begins to stick.

The next time others see her being kind to and playfully bantering with someone, she doesn’t look so cute. The banter isn’t so funny anymore.

Now, people see a side of her they can’t believe they never noticed before.

Feeling smug with gratification, the bullies look at each other, then at Cindy. They wear smirks on their crooked faces and try the same thing over again. The progress is slow, but it’s working.

6. One by One, others buy into the narrative.

 And before you know it, everyone wonders what they ever saw in her to begin with. They start to feel negative toward this poor girl.

7. You begin noticing that something is off.

Cindy begins to pick up on the negative vibes. She withdraws a little.

She doesn’t speak to people as much as she used to. And she doesn’t understand what she did to bring it about.

The bullies notice that Cindy is more distant than usual. Doing what they do best, they use it against her. So, they quickly point this out to everyone.

“Hey, look! Do you see that? Now, what did we tell you? She really does think we’re all dummies! She really does think she’s better than the rest of us!”

“And her ass-kissing didn’t work, so now she’s too good to speak to anyone!”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

8. they use your reaction as a weapon.

Cindy’s withdrawal only inflames everyone’s feelings of resentment. Although her becoming distant is only out of self-protection, others mistake it for smugness and arrogance.

9. It gets worse until you leave to protect yourself.

The bullying only snowballs from there. It gets worse and worse over time until it morphs into mobbing. Understand that we’re all human, and we make mistakes. Therefore, we misjudge others all the time.

Mobbing can happen anywhere, not only in the workplace, but also in school. It’s even worse for kids because they are still developing. Moreover, kids who are mobbed at school get bullied by teachers. And it is a cycle.

Bullies condition an entire group to see any quality in a particular person as a bad thing. And that’s when a smear campaign is most effective.

Therefore, everyone, even those who aren’t bullies, can quickly turn cruel. And they repeat the same cruelty, over and over again.

When bullying progresses to mobbing, it’s unstoppable. And the only way you can take your life back is to leave the environment.

Bullying always escalates if it’s left unchecked. And when something bad is left unchecked, there’s no incentive to hide it, much less stop it.

The post gave you the details of what happens when bullying progresses to mobbing so that you will recognize the warning signs and get out before it affects your mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

2. Bullying or Mobbing?

3. Mobbing in Schools: 9 Warning Signs Bullying is Out of Control

4. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

5. Examples of a Teacher Bullying a Student: School Mobbing

how to handle bullying in high school

How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

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‘Want to know how to handle bullying? Here are all the powerful defense techniques you need to know about.

how to handle bullying

Despite all the information available, many victims of bullying don’t know how to deal with it. And they continue to have their lives ruined by people who take pleasure from their pain.

Therefore, in this post, you will get powerful tips on how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it and emerge a winner.

Once you learn all these crucial moves, you will be able to face bullying with strength and, eventually, overcome it and move on to a happier and more peaceful life.

This post is all about how to handle bullying so that you can overcome and begin building a good life for yourself.

How to Handle Bullying

Many victims do not know how to deal with bullies. And one thing that gets them in trouble is becoming emotional. This is not good because it gives the bullies exactly what they want. Here are better ways to handle bullying.

1. Respond but don’t react.

Overreacting. Any overreaction to the taunts, insults, and attacks from bullies only brings more problems. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson through time-consuming trial and error.

It only gave my bullies what they wanted. Also, it could’ve gotten me either maimed or killed. But you don’t have to.

Overreacting can have a boomerang effect. If you get overly emotional, your bullies will only bully you more. Moreover, they could use your overreaction against you. Here’s how.

Bullies use your overreaction to play the victim role.

When you overreact, it can make you look like the aggressor. Therefore, your bullies may provoke you just to bait you into reacting. So why not use a different strategy?

2. Respond calmly.

When you respond calmly, you keep your mental shit together. Therefore, you look better to bystanders and witnesses. Moreover, staying calm drives bullies nuts. Your calmness can make them emotional.

Therefore, you’re turning their tactic against them.

How to Handle Bullying:

3. Fake a surrender or submission.

Make it look as if you’re giving in to your bullies’ demands. I realize this may feel a bit cowardly to you. However, you aren’t caving in, you’re only making your bullies think you are.

This works with physical bullies who have anger issues. So, remain calm and make them believe they have the upper hand. Doing so will stabilize their temper.

But wait! There’s another benefit! Your bullies probably expect you to react with aggression. But if you don’t, it will throw them off. When you remain calm and agree with them, it will shock them.

The element of surprise is a powerful weapon.

Use your fake surrender as part of a bigger plan once you fool them into thinking you care. On the inside, you continue to stand your ground. But on the outside, you give in to their desires.

Doing so can give you time to quietly plan a countermeasure that will bring the bullies down. Smarts will always trump aggression every time!

However, understand that this takes a truckload of self-control. And, as mentioned earlier, you may feel like a wimp when you use this technique. Just remember this.

play dead to save your life.

You’re not giving the bullies what they want. You only look like you are. You’re only playing dead to save your life!

And, by faking your submission, you also allow yourself time to study your bullies and carefully plot your next moves.

And when the bullies are satisfied and lay off you, you’ll finally have room to make your countermove.

So, go ahead—fake your submission. Get close to your bullies and learn their ways. Give them no reason to react, nothing to prepare for, and no cause for resistance. Then, when the time is right, BAM!

They won’t know what hit them.

Any time you make it look as if you submit to your bullies, you’re only mocking them. It’s silent disdain – like expelling a silent fart in their direction. Only they don’t know they’ve been farted on.

You turn their own power against them, making them look like idiots. But they can’t retaliate because you did what they told you to do. Right?

How to Handle Bullying:

4. Don’t fall into the explaining trap

Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet bullies are good at getting you to explain yourself for things you don’t have to.

Worst of all, most victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needless explanations. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

Don’t be that victim. You don’t owe them a damn thing. Refuse to explain.

5. Calmly call them out.

In other words, if they try to manipulate you, call out their behavior. But do it calmly.

And, if your bullies ask you, “What did we do?” you don’t have to offer any long explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.”

Then, walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curveball. Say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Or, you can insult them by saying, “What are you? Five?” This is a great comeback. You’re not only refusing to allow those creeps to manipulate you. You’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

How to Handle Bullying:

6. choose not to respond verbally.

In other words, only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.

Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.

Silence usually screams the loudest. Therefore, if you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!

7. Look the bully in the eye.

A hard glare works wonders, especially in the early stages of bullying.

Again, look the bully in the eye. If that’s too difficult, then look the bully between the eyes. I found that when I looked my bully between the eyes, I was less intimidated.

So try this, and I bet you won’t be as intimidated either.

Moreover, make sure you have a stone face or mirror the look on the bully’s face. By doing this, you’ll look less like a victim.

Do this, and others will take you more seriously. And bullies may think twice about messing with you again.

How to Handle Bullying:

8. Use Confident Body Language.

Avoid submissive body language, such as slouching or hunching. Instead, stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Also, refrain from self-protective behaviors, such as crossing your arms or looking down. Use open body language and make good eye contact with people. Smile.

9. Mirror the bully’s body language.

Most seasoned bullies like to intimidate you with death glares. And, sadly, many victims don’t know how to respond to nonverbal bullying.

Therefore, the best response is always to mirror the bully’s expressions back at them. In other words, if someone gives you a death glare, respond in kind.

An eye for an eye.

10. Fight if you must.

If the bully gets in your face or hits you, the gloves are off! This is when it’s time to haul off and punch the bully in the face as hard as you can.

If possible, hit the jerk so hard that you put them on the floor, but don’t stop there.  This is your chance to give the bully a well-deserved ass-whipping! Beat them so bad that they won’t want to come near you a second time!

How to Handle Bullying:

11. Have a few comebacks handy. 

Verbal bullies love to run their mouths. And the last thing you should do is stay silent when someone is verbally insulting you. You must stand up to them.

Therefore, you must be ready to fire off a good one-liner. For instance, if a bully tells you that your clothes look like they came from the Salvation Army, you can say, “Oh, you shop there too?”

If the bully tells you, “Nobody likes you,” you can respond with, “Who’s nobody? You?” Or you say, “You’re nobody. So, you’re right.”

There are all kinds of witty comebacks you can use. The trick is to know what they are. But here’s the thing. When you use these comebacks, you must do it calmly. Add a smile, and it’s even better.

Calm and cool is the rule. You can find more good comebacks here.

This post was all about knowing how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it instead of continuing to live with it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

2. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down  

3. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up 

reputation loop psychology

Reputation Loop: The 1 Thing that Keeps Bullying Victims Stuck

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Have you ever heard of the reputation loop? Here, you’ll learn what it is and how it negatively affects victims of bullying.

reputation loop

“Character is who you are. Reputation is who people think you are.” 

Many people have reputations that are largely undeserved. You have great people who have bad reputations due to lies, rumors, or honest mistakes. Then you have bad people with good reputations because they’re good at faking it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the reputation loop and why it keeps you stuck if you’re a victim of bullying.

Once you learn all the crucial details, you will be able to call them out by name. In that, you will be better able to articulate what is happening to you and defend yourself.

This post is all about the reputation loop, so that you can put a name on this vicious cycle and explain it in an intelligible manner. Moreover, you will also be able to better defend yourself against it.

Reputation loop

First off, what is the reputation loop? It is a phenomenon fueled by confirmation bias; it is a vicious cycle that perpetuates negative judgment even long after the victim has grown and matured.

It’s true that people change as they get older. However, a bad reputation usually develops during high school. And sadly, that reputation can stick no matter what.

For example, a high school boy steals and is rightfully branded a thief. However, he grows into a man and stops stealing. He soon gets an honest job, gets married, and has children. And, from then on, he lives a good life.

He works hard and takes care of his family. Later, he starts his own business.

However, those who knew him in high school refuse to accept that he has turned over a new leaf. Therefore, they cling tightly to the belief that he is still a thief. Therefore, they still think it’s okay to bully him.

This is the reputation loop at work.

“The Fishbowl Effect”

Some schools, companies, and towns are rigid as hell. Moreover, they are cliquey. In these kinds of places, one mistake can define you for the rest of your life. And if you’re a victim of bullying, this is all the more true.

However, in another area, the same error may not be such a big deal. One place may value athletics, whereas another may value artistic creativity.

This is why many victims and survivors of bullying leave town once they’re out of school. They move away to start anew with a clean slate.

Why? Because in the new town, the victim of bullying has no history. Therefore, no one is keeping a tally of their mistakes.

It’s not that the victims changed; it’s that the rules did. Therefore, you can be an outcast in one place but find your friends in another. It’s what happened for me when I finally changed schools.

Reputation Loop:

Often, Social Standing isn’t about who you are.

In most cases, reputation has little to do with who you are as a person. It’s more about the environment you’re in. It’s about how your interests line up with the social hierarchy.

Therefore, again, the same person can be well-liked in one place and hated in another.

Confirmation bias.

Once everyone decides that you’re “the troublemaker,” “the mentally imbalanced one,” or whatever label they assign you, they’ll stop noticing any good or neutral behavior.

Instead, they will watch your every move, looking for any behaviors that prove them right about you.

For example, if you do something “good,” they’ll only assume you have ulterior motives. If you do something trivial, like accidentally spill a glass of milk, they’ll see it as you being disruptive.

In short, they only filter the real you through their pre-existing lens.

Not so Great Expectations.

If they expect you to be bad, they’ll find ways to show it. Even if they must twist everything. They may also take things out of context.

Reputation Loop:

The vicious cycle of a tarnished reputation.

Sadly, once you have a bad reputation, others who don’t know the real you will reinforce it. Why? Because once they label you, it will be much harder to change their minds.

People, especially bullies, don’t care about being fair. Instead, they want to be right about you, even if it is a lie. Therefore, they will only look for evidence that proves that the labels are true.

In this situation, they aren’t only watching you, they’re policing the perimeters of who they think you are. Once they put you in a category, they will push against any change.

Why? Because it threatens the social order and their place in it.

Therefore, expect bullies and their followers to fight your growth. Anytime you act “good,” you behave differently than what they expect. In other words, you deviate from the role they assigned you. So, they will try to provoke you just to suck you back into that role.

Social Signaling.

Your reputation becomes a social shield that others can use to reduce risks to their own reputations.

As the labels spread and quickly stick, more and more people will stay away from you. The reason they avoid you isn’t necessarily that they don’t like you. They do it to protect their own social standing.

These people may not be mean; they may be just scared.

They don’t want to be “guilty by association.” Birds of a feather flock together. Therefore, they will do what they have to do to prove to everyone else that they’re nothing like you.

Many of them may even bully you. Bystanders are notorious for joining bullies in mocking you. And they do it for no other reason than to keep you at the bottom of the pecking order.

Also, they do it to keep from becoming the next targets. If they can keep everyone picking on you, then they get to be left alone.

And some may be extra brutal to you, especially if an audience is watching. But what they’re really doing is flaunting their own status by stomping on yours.

Bullies at the top determine acceptable behavior for each person. Therefore, if you try to improve your life and rise above the abuse “without their approval,” they will bully you worse.

Why? Because they will see it as a challenge to their authority.

Reputation Loop:

People see you the way they want to see you.

People will actively resist any positive changes you make. Why? Because it threatens the narrative.

Therefore, if you aren’t careful, the label they assigned you may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is exactly what your bullies want.

‘You see? When you’re stuck in a reputation loop, others will see your maturity as a threat to the established pecking order. So, they work hard to turn you back into the old you they already recognize.

Why? Because the old you is the you they were benefiting from.

You become the scapegoat.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And if people expect trouble to come from a particular place, then that’s where they’re going to look.

Therefore, if anything goes wrong, they will instinctively look at the person with the worst reputation. For instance, if a computer gets broken or someone’s purse gets stolen, they’ll point the finger at you.

It’s a low-risk tactic for them because everyone else automatically assumes you did it.

Reputation Loop:

If you aren’t careful, they may cause you to internalize the bullying.

This is what’s most dangerous. After you’ve been labeled for long enough, the noise moves from outside to inside your mind. The bullying gets so intense that the very air you breathe begins to feel toxic.

Often, the pressure of bullying causes victims to change how they see themselves. This is called “The Pygmalion Effect.” As a result, you may start behaving in ways that match their beliefs.

In other words, if people constantly treat you like you’re an evil person, you’ll likely give up trying to connect with anyone. And why not? It’s easy to do when all you get is rejection.

As a result, you begin to believe the script they write for you. You start thinking, “I must deserve the abuse. Otherwise, so many people wouldn’t have it in for me.” Therefore, you believe there’s something wrong with you rather than with the environment.

Instead of “they don’t understand me,” you start thinking, “I’m unlikable.”

You may start acting like a jerk because you feel you have nothing to lose.

You unconsciously match your behavior with everyone else’s perception of you. This is how you end up proving that they were right about you all along.

They will turn you into a person you no longer like or even recognize. In essence, bullies steal your identity.

So, what happens when this happens?

Reputation Loop:

You may begin masking.

So, what is masking? It is a survival mechanism where you change your personality just to make the bullying stop.

Many bullying victims hide their true selves just to survive. You may have tried to cover up your emotions. For example, you may laugh when you really want to cry.

Or, you may put on a fake smile to hide the pain. Why? Because you don’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing that they’re hurting you.

However, masking may work, but only temporarily. The safety and acceptance you get will be short-lived. Then you will be back at square one. Also, it will slowly chip away at your identity until you don’t even recognize who you are.

Anytime you adopt a false persona as a defense strategy, you start to self-monitor. You waste time and energy monitoring your words and body language.

You rehearse responses and scan others for signs of contempt. Social interactions stop being fun and start being stressful.

When this happens, the human stress response goes into overdrive. Your central nervous system stays in constant high alert. This is okay in short bursts.

However, when you live in constant survival mode for an extended period, it will eventually lead to physical exhaustion. Moreover, you may suffer from headaches, nausea, vomiting, and sleep disruptions.

You may give up.

Or you may do the opposite of masking. You may decide that if people think you’re evil, then you might as well act like it.

“If they think I’m a bitch, then I’m going to be the biggest and meanest bitch they’ve ever met.”

Reputation Loop:

You may punish yourself for not living up to their standards.

By forcing yourself to be who they want you to be to avoid trouble, you stifle yourself. Also, you needlessly blame yourself. But realize that you aren’t the problem; the environment is.

Why? Because the environment feeds a culture of bullying and abuse.

You become Hyper-vigilant. 

You over-analyze every facial expression, every laugh, and every whisper. When someone is genuinely kind, you assume they have an ulterior motive. Therefore, you shut out people who would otherwise be true friends.

You mistake smiles for smirks. Instead of laughing with you, you think others are laughing at you. Someone may gaze at you because they think you’re attractive. However, you’ll think that they’re staring at you because they see a defect that you don’t see.

Moreover, you overthink every conversation long after it’s over.

How to Break the Reputation Loop.

The best way to end this vicious cycle is to leave the bullying environment. It’s the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

Moving to a new environment, whether it’s a new school or town, automatically breaks this cycle. You escape the pre-existing hatred. In the new place, you no longer need to fight the ghosts of the past.

Moreover, you realize that everything the people in the old environment told you was a lie. Then, the internalization of past bullying quickly fades.

Why? Because you realize that it was only a survival reaction to a toxic environment. It’s funny how much clearer things are once you are out of a bad situation.

Therefore, it’s much easier to relax and be yourself. As a result, your true colors have a chance to shine through. When you move away from a toxic environment, from the social signals that kept you trapped, you break those chains.

Reputation Loop:

In Conclusion:

The reputation loop keeps you stuck in a never-ending cycle of unfair labels, stigma, and abuse. It’s a hallmark of social bullying.

Once you’ve been a victim of a smear campaign, it’s almost impossible to turn it around.

You may actually be a person of strong character. But it won’t matter because your reputation will overshadow that.

You may mature and change the way you respond to bullying over time. However, others only ignore your progress and focus on the way you used to react.

Moreover, they may use different tactics to pull you back into old behaviors. Therefore, the best way to break this vicious cycle is to leave the environment.

Whether you decide to change schools, transfer to a different workplace, or move away, go somewhere you can feel safe.

Then you can escape the stigma, relax, and be yourself. Know that you deserve to live in peace. Therefore, do what you must.

This post was all about the reputation loop so that you will know when a situation is impossible and take steps to escape it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You 

4. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

5. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

inciting bullying behavior

Inciting Bullying

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‘Want to know about inciting bullying and how bullies do it? Here are all the dirty details you need to know.

inciting bullying

Not only do bullies love to bully you personally. They also like to incite bullying between you and others. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what inciting bullying looks like.

Once you learn all about these vital details, it will save you a lot of trouble because you will be able to head it off before you get sucked into the drama.

This post is all about what inciting bullying looks like so that you can recognize it when it happens to you. And you can stop it before it starts.

Inciting bullying

So, what tactics do bullies use to incite bullying? Here is a list of them.

1. Baiting you into an altercation with someone else.

Bullies will often bait you into a confrontation with someone outside the bully/victim relationship. Here are several reasons:

  • To create a situation where they can watch gleefully as someone else reams you out.
  • Turning others against you.
  • Creating drama and entertainment
  • To parade you in front of an audience
  • Distracting attention from their own evil deeds. In other words, if others are too busy fighting each other, they’re too occupied to pay attention to what the bullies are doing.
  • To isolate you by making you look like the bad guy. The more people they can turn against you, the worse you look, and the less power you have.

When this happens, those who your bullies pit against you will start their sentences off as:

  • “Hey! I heard you’re trying to get with my boyfriend!”
  • “Somebody told me that you did…”
  • “I heard you told so-and-so such and such!”
  • “Somebody told me you’re talking smack about me behind my back! How about having the guts to say it to my face!”

Did you notice the first two to three words in each of the bulleted sentences?

Here are your First Clues of Inciting Bullying.

This is what happens when a bully instigates conflict between you and someone you don’t usually have trouble with. The first words out of your accuser’s mouth will be,

  • “I heard…”,
  • “Somebody told me…”
  • “It’s going around that…”
    or
  • “It was brought to my attention…”

Those first few little words are your first clues of incitement. In other words, one or more of your bullies is trying to pit these people against you.

The Correct Way to Respond

Therefore, if you face this scenario, laugh at the accuser and use one of the comebacks below.

“Really? Have you heard? You’re  so gullible you’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“Wow! And you believed that? Boy, are you a moron!”
“Gee, you’ll fall for anything, won’t you!”

Challenge your accuser’s intelligence, then walk away laughing. You will stun your accuser. And you will sorely disappoint your bullies, who will surely be watching from afar.

How I wish I were this quick in school. However, as an adult, I am better able to defuse it with the above counterstatements.

Always imply that your accuser is a fool for believing the lies. I guarantee that the person will back down. Moreover, the bullies will think twice about trying to sow discord a second time.

It worked for me.

2. Inciting Bullying:

The Secret Admirer Bait

Your bullies will use this to bait someone to insult and humiliate you. And they’ll usually do it when there’s a big crowd around to see it.

Here’s how it Works:

Your bullies and a few classmates or coworkers will spot you in the parking lot. This is where large crowds usually gather there between classes or during breaks. You’ll be nearby and within earshot.

If you happen to be a female, the bullies will point to a nearby male and say,

“Hey, (your name)! John said he was madly in love with you!”
John will then get on the defensive and say,
“Oh, hell, no! I don’t like that ugly thing!” or, “That whore? No freakin’ way!”

Therefore, by doing this, your bullies slyly bait John into a knee-jerk reaction. And he will insult and humiliate you. The bullies achieve gratification by seeing John disrespect you.

Moreover, the icing on the cake is that he did it loudly, in front of an audience.

The secret admirer bait is mainly used in middle and high school. However, immature adults also use it against victims at work.

If this happens, deal out a good burn for the dummy who allowed themselves to be used by your bullies. You can say something like,

“No chance. I could never be that desperate, and you could never get that lucky.”

Then keep walking. They’ll deflate like a popped balloon.

Your witty comeback will sting the poor sucker who took the bully’s bait and tried to insult you. But hey! Better them than you. Right?

It’s always best to have a few good burns lined up and filed away, just in case someone decides to get cute. So, be prepared. Always find a good way to defend yourself.

3. Inciting Bullying:

The Invitation bait

In this situation, the bullies will, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, become chummy with you. They’ll pretend to have a change of heart. However, they do this to bring down your defenses and win your trust.

After they’ve won your trust, the bullies will invite you to a party, cookout, sleepover, or kegger. And, once they lure you there, they will set you up for a physical attack or humiliation.

Furthermore, they may even encourage you to drink alcohol or do drugs. Then, once they get you drunk or high, they may manipulate you into some compromising situations. Both school-aged and adult bullies use this little tactic.

Here are the signs to look for.

  • Sudden change of heart.
  • Overly friendly.
  • Excessive flattery.
  • You get the feeling that something is off.

No one ever becomes true friends overnight. Bullies will suddenly start to buddy up to you. And it will seem to come out of nowhere. Moreover, your gut will nag the hell out of you.

Pay attention because these are red flags!

Also, your bullies will lay the flattery on thick! They’ll overdo the pleasantries. Moreover, it will sound so sickeningly sweet that you’ll want to grab a barf bag.

Know that bullies are very convincing. If you’re young and still in school, you might overlook the yuck if you aren’t careful.

The best thing to do is steer clear! Why? Because the creeps are up to no good. Don’t go anywhere with them. Because once you’re alone with them, you’re at their mercy!

The more you stir shit, the more it stinks. And the more it stinks, the more they like it. Bullies are notorious for sowing discord among others. They can’t seem to get enough drama. In fact, they thrive on it.

Inciting Bullying:

Sowing discord is done in politics.

Understand people sow discord in politics all the time. In fact, it’s what the media is best at. It is called the Divide-and-Conquer strategy. And sadly, it works.

The next time someone tries to turn you against a friend or tries to turn a friend against you, ask yourself. Who would the division benefit most? You, your friend, or the instigator?

4. Gossip

Not only do gossip and smear campaigns lower your social standing, but they also benefit bullies. It tightens their group connections. It confers higher status on those privy to negative information.

Moreover, it sets expectations and norms within the group for how they should treat you.

Through petty talk, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared negative perceptions of you.

While using it, the group will foster justification for hostility. Therefore, no one in the group considers their actions as bullying. They will only say that you “deserve it” and say they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”

They tell others to keep it a secret. However, they also ask them to inform the group of any updates about you.

Realize that gossip reinforces bullies’ perceptions that their views and treatment of you are correct.

Inciting Bullying:

What Gossipers do to cover their gossip.

Gossipers will often cover their bad behavior with a slight confession of guilt. They begin their sentences with things like,

  • “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
  • “Poor thing…”
  • “Bless her heart…”

They will acknowledge that you’re a human being. However, they’ll only do it because it gives them the green light to keep talking. Also, it helps them to feel less like the creeps they are.

5. Influencing OTHERS’ Memories

As rumors and lies spread from person to person, people will distort any truth. Moreover, these details have a way of being inserted into others’ memories.

There have been cases of burglaries where the homeowners “thought they saw” an unarmed burglar with a gun. But there was no gun. In these cases, people don’t lie on purpose.

They actually “remember” seeing a gun in the criminal’s hand. And the reason they remember it so plainly is that they’ve heard and talked about it so much. Therefore, it caused their brains to fill in the blanks with the details they heard.

Another reason for false memories is that when bullies ask questions such as,

  • “Did you see her do this?”
  • “Did you hear him say that?”

They only suggest that she did do this, or that he did say that. It’s the Power of Suggestion at work.

It’s easy to influence people’s memories by presenting something in a particular way. The memory adjusts itself according to a person’s stereotypes and expectations.

People notice what they expect to see. In other words, their memories depend on social expectations —what they expect you to do, not what they are actually doing.

Understand that memories are mistaken and can be falsified. And whether accurate or make-believe, once it becomes a memory, there’s no way to tell the difference.

Inciting Bullying:

Playing Messenger

If you are already having trouble with another person, your bullies may fan the flames to make the situation worse. For instance, the person may be giving you trouble because they want to fit in with the bullies.

You may be angry and embarrassed. You may tell your friend what a piece of garbage the person is. And your bullies may eavesdrop on your conversation.

As a result, they overhear it and run back to the other person with what you just said about them. And the next thing you know, the person you are into it with wants to fight you for running your mouth behind their back.

Never mind that you were confiding in your closest friend. The bullies will conveniently leave that part out. It won’t matter that you were only getting stuff off your chest and confiding in a friend.

The only thing that will matter is that you said something bad about them. Therefore, they want to get even with you for it. When you know the many ways bullies try to get others to bully you and instigate drama, you’ll be one step ahead.

In closing

Incitement is the best way for bullies to get others involved. They rally everyone else together against you. Moreover, they do this by instilling outrage and whipping them into a frenzy.

If bullies can promote solidarity among everyone else, they can isolate you. And once you’re isolated, it’s almost impossible to have support. Therefore, know how bullies incite others to attack you, and you will be better able to recognize it and protect yourself.

This post was all about inciting bullying so that you can recognize it when it happens and protect YOURSELF.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Instigation: 3 Ways Bullies Sow Discord Between You and Others 

2. Sowing Discord: A Powerful Weapon of the Social Bully

3. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

4. Signs of a Smear Campaign: 3 Indicators of Relational Bullying

mobbed at work reddit

Mobbed at Work: Signs You’re About to be Mobbed on the Job

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‘Want to know if you’re about to be mobbed at work? Here are the surefire signs that you need to quietly look for work elsewhere.

mobbed at work

Being mobbed at work is one of the most demoralizing experiences. And millions of employees suffer from it every day.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what it looks like when you’re mobbed at work and how to know when you’re about to be.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be able to make an accurate judgment and head it off before it gets hairy.

This post is all about the signs you’re about to be mobbed at work so that you can get out with your mental health intact.

Mobbed at Work

Being mobbed at work has ruined the careers of millions of good employees. In fact, many have had to take medical leave and early retirement because it did such damage to their physical and mental health.

Moreover, some innocent employees have been redlisted from employment.

Thankfully, there are signs you can look for if you think you may be a potential target of workplace mobbing. Here is a list of signs to watch for.

1. Exclusion.

People don’t invite you to meetings, lunches, or company outings. Moreover, they keep you out of the loop by excluding you from memos and important emails.

This can have devastating effects on your job and entire career. If you find that you’ve been excluded from these things, it’s because workplace bullies are quietly trying to sabotage you.

Therefore, you may want to begin your exit plan in secret by exploring other employment options.

2. People at work begin avoiding you like a bad disease.

This will happen slowly and gradually. One by one, others begin shunning you without explanation. And you will feel as if something is off.

Even those you thought were friends will distance themselves from you. You’ll know you’re being shunned because you will sense it.

You’ll have that sinking feeling in the pit of your gut. This is your instincts warning you that something is wrong here.

3. Mobbed at work:

People begin making false reports on you.

One day, you will be happily working in your office. Then someone knocks at your door. You open it, and they tell you that the supervisor wants to see you.

“No problem,” you think. “Maybe Mr. X wants to update me on a few things. So, you walk into the supervisor’s office. You notice he’s sitting at his desk with a displeased look on his face, and he asks you to close the door.

You feel the blood drain from your face as you take a seat in front of him. “How can I help you?” you calmly ask.

Mr. X tells you that someone complained that you were asked to do something, but didn’t. They claimed that you told them that it wasn’t your job. And the funny thing is that you know that nothing like that has ever happened.

When you tell him that you don’t know where it came from and that you always did your job. He nods and sends you back to your office. However, you get the sense that he still has doubts. You could tell by the look on his face.

What’s really scary is that this is not the first time this has happened. It may be the second or the third. Therefore, when events like this become a pattern, it’s time to quietly start looking for new employment.

5. You sense that something is off.

With each incident, you will feel that something doesn’t sit right. Again, this is your gut warning you.

Energy doesn’t lie. And lately, your boss and coworkers have been giving you some bad vibes. If nothing else, know this! If something feels off, it usually is.

Therefore, take whatever steps you need to get out of the environment.

6. Mobbed At Work:

You notice micro-flashes of contempt.

You notice that your coworkers seem to like you. They smile in your face and give you compliments. However, as you turn around to head to your office, you notice something out of the corner of your eye. It’s the split-second dirty look they all shot you!

“Whoa! Wait! Did I just see what I thought I saw?” You ask yourself. It may be tempting to doubt yourself. It’s easier to dismiss it as your mind playing tricks on you. But your gut is sounding off like a fire alarm.

Therefore, don’t dismiss it. Because, more than likely, you did see it. In other words, they did glare at you. Only they did it when they thought you wouldn’t see it.

Therefore, stay alert. And, if need be, start making plans to leave that company.

7. People target you with gossip.

In the ladies’ room, you overhear the other women spreading rumors about you. And they’re giggling. Later, when you walk into the cafeteria during lunch break, the room goes quiet.

People are watching you like a hawk. And you wonder why they’re staring so hard. Then you hear whispers. That’s a surefire sign that you’re about to be mobbed.

Therefore, you need to get your ducks in a row and get outski! The sooner, the better!

8. Mobbed at Work:

Constant Criticism.

When you’re about to be mobbed, your boss and coworkers will nitpick every little thing you do. All you will hear from them are complaints about your performance.

Realize that when people nitpick, it means that they are looking for anything to use against you. And, because they haven’t found anything, they are making things up.

And if you defend yourself, they only gaslight you.

Bullies do this all the time when they want you fired. Therefore, give them what they want. Quietly make your escape plan. Then, as soon as you have other employment lined up, walk out and don’t look back.

9. Mobbed at Work:

Your boss Starts assigning you to Demeaning Jobs.

Your boss suddenly removes your regular assignments. He then assigns you a demeaning role. Maybe he has you cleaning the bathrooms. Or he assigns you as a go-for to pick up coffee and donuts for everyone else.

He might even have you empty all the trash cans in the office building. Whatever it is, it’s the crappiest job in the company.

But, understand this. If it is not in your job description, you have the right to refuse. And if your supervisor insists that you do it, you can always quit.

No job is worth the cost to your mental health. Therefore, don’t stay and tolerate disrespect. Quit!

10. Mobbed at Work:

Withholding critical information.

Workplace bullies withhold information to sabotage you and make you look incompetent. Therefore, when they start this, begin your exit plan.

How do you know you’re about to be mobbed?

Here’s what it looks like.

You’re NOT about to be mobbed if:

Your boss calls you into his office after an incident. Maybe someone raised a complaint. Once the meeting is over, you come out of your boss’s office feeling darn good about yourself.

You’ll also notice the boss smiling at you. Also, you’ll notice the person you get into it with looking stressed and withdrawn.

You’ll notice that the other person is increasingly isolated while things are looking better and better for you. Your supervisor or manager will drop by from time to time and chat with you.

Mobbed at Work:

You’re about to be mobbed if:

The boss doesn’t drop by to chat with you in an openly friendly way. Moreover, he doesn’t invite you into his office with a smile after an incident. Instead, the boss will start avoiding you like a bad disease!

Also, your coworkers will go out of their way to track you down and pump you for information. They’ll only fake interest and support in what you have to say.

They may call you at home or come by, feigning support and empathy. And they will pepper it with questions. And they ask those questions to gain information they can use against you later.

It isn’t long before they begin avoiding you, gossiping about you, and defaming you.

You must recognize these signs. Only then will you be able to take appropriate action and ward off a potential termination. Moreover, you will save your reputation. And you won’t risk anyone derailing your career!

Mobbed at Work:

What Happens if you ignore the signs and stay in a toxic workplace?

Many innocent victims of workplace bullying allow bullies to ruin their entire careers. Why? Because they stick it out. Not that this is a bad thing. Resilience is a great thing.

But there’s a difference between resilience and staying in a toxic environment too long. Therefore, don’t stay where you aren’t wanted. Get out before things get hairy.

Why? Because if you stay too long, your mental health will pay the price. And no company is worth your mental health. The sooner you leave, the better off you will be.

Another thing to remember is that mobbing can also happen in schools, among classmates.

This post was all about mobbing at work so that you will know the warning signs and get out before your mental health takes a hit.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Mobbing in Schools: 9 Warning Signs Bullying is Out of Control

2. Bullying or Mobbing?

3. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

4. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

5. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying

facts about bullying in school

Facts About Bullying

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Want to know all the facts about bullying? Here is everything you need to know.

facts about bullying

There are certain facts about bullying that you must know before you can overcome it. These truths will encourage you to stand up to bullying and overcome it. How does she know, you may ask. Because they did me.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the crucial facts about bullying so you can stand up and defend yourself.

Once you learn all about these life-changing truths, you will be encouraged to take care of yourself and take back your power.

This post gives you all the facts about bullying that you need to gather the courage to stand up to it and take your life back.

Facts about Bullying

Before you can gather the courage to stand up to bullying, there are hard truths you need to know. These are facts that I had to learn the hard way. So, let’s dive right in!

Here they are.

1. Bullying and freedom cannot coexist.

Bullying and personal freedom can never coexist. Why? Because bullying is zero-sum. Always. When you suffer from bullying, it’s akin to being held hostage.

In essence, they bind and gag you. In short, they take away your personal power! And without that power, you have no freedom.

Either you’re free to be yourself, or people bully you for it. You either have personal power or people bully you and take it away.

Freedom means being free to be a human being and make mistakes. It also means being allowed to learn from those mistakes. However, when people constantly bully you for those things, that’s not freedom. It’s enslavement.

Instead, they brutally punish you for making mistakes that anyone else could’ve made. Moreover, anyone else would have gotten a pass because all humans make mistakes.

2. Facts about Bullying:

It takes away your humanity.

When you’re bullied, there’s no margin for error. On the other hand, if you’re fortunate enough to be on equal footing with everyone else around you, you have that luxury.

Others will look at you and realize that we’re all imperfect humans. Therefore, they’ll cut you some slack.

Understand that bullying dehumanizes you. Others either see you as a human being or they don’t. Bullying will strip you of any shred of humanity.

It renders you sub-human in the minds of not only bullies but, in many cases, bystanders.

Moreover, this process can happen quickly, in as little as a few months. Bullies bully you so frequently that bystanders grow accustomed to it and become desensitized.

And why not? They watch them brutalize you every day, sometimes several times per day.

3. No one likes a victim of bullying.

 It’s a fact. No one respects a victim. No one likes a victim.

In your mind, you may not be a victim but a target. And that’s a good thing. However, because others see you being beaten down all the time, they will view you as a victim.

And most people don’t have the critical thinking skills to know the difference.

Therefore, you must document everything that happens in detail. Or you must find a way to leave the bullying environment. Otherwise, if it goes on long enough, it will take a toll on your mental health.

Your mental health is important here. You must take steps to reclaim your freedom.

4. Facts about Bullying:

You can never appease a bully.

Never! No matter what you do to satisfy the bullies. You may tell them what they want to hear. You may submit to them. And sure, they may go away and leave you alone. But only for the time being.

That small reprieve bullies give you will always be short-lived.

Why? Because your submission has always worked. It gave your bullies what they want. In your submission, you are rewarding their behavior.

You may have told them what they want to hear. Or you could have let them cheat off you during an exam. Maybe you allowed them to take credit for your idea

Nevertheless, you rewarded their behavior. Therefore, they will always come back for more. And the same goes whether you endure bullying in school, the workplace, or in your community.

Additionally, your bullies get psychological rewards from your having to constantly tiptoe around them. Why? Because it gives them a sense of power and domination.

Bullying is all about power… raw power! And they will never give that up. Not without a fight!

5. Facts about Bullying:

You can never submit your way out of being Bullied.

I cannot stress this enough. Again, you can never appease a bully. Any attempts to do so will only have the opposite effect.

Trying to appease a bully only makes you appear weak. It then emboldens them to come back for more later. Why? Because it is what has been working for them all along!

You will spend years jumping through hoops. You will bend yourself into a pretzel. And you will be stuck, wondering when your bullies will be back in your face again.

This is no way to live. Life is too short to waste one second being an emotional slave to someone else.

Eventually, you will need to take a hard stand before they will finally leave you alone. The last thing you want is to spend the rest of your life being someone else’s doormat.

The only way to stop being bullied is to buck up!

You must get tired of it and confront them head-on when they come for you. Speak out against them, to their faces, if need be. And when you say it, say it bluntly and mean it!

Then, if they respond with physical threats and violence, be ready to hit back and defend yourself.

Sometimes it takes a final showdown before your bullies will finally give you the respect you deserve. Do you remember the movie “Tombstone”?

A band of bullies had terrorized an entire boom town. They killed one Earp brother and wounded another. Afterwards, Wyatt Earp and his buddies made their final stand.

They hunted down each member of the Cowboys gang. And they all but eradicated them, which eventually led to their disbandment.

This is not to say you should hunt down your bullies, but you get the point.

6. Facts about Bullying:

Bullies thrive on your fear of retaliation and further harm.

Your fear of retaliation and suffering further harm is understandable. It is a natural human response to danger. So, in no way am I blaming you for it.

However, realize that your bullies thrive on your perfectly normal fear response. And they will exploit it every chance they get! And why not?

Your fear has thus far gotten them what they want. It has rewarded your bullies both psychologically and, more than likely, materially. So, why would they stop now or ever, for that matter?

Understand that rewards feel good! And if it feels good, humans want more and more of it! So, again, why would your bullies stop trying to get more of it?

Moreover, why would they stop doing the very things to you that have proved to be successful?

Human nature dictates that your bullies will always come back for more rewards! And they will return to the source of the rewards (you). Moreover, they will repeat the same methods that have enabled them to attain those rewards.

For example, a prospector finds a gold mine loaded with gold. There’s nothing to stop him from stealing it. Therefore, he’s not going to stop mining for it just because there’s more gold in it than he can carry.

No. He’s going to return to the mine later to get more gold. Consequently, if there’s no barrier to stop him, he will keep going back until there’s no more gold left in the mine.

Facts about Bullying:

if there’s more free gold in the mine, why not go back for it?

People are greedy like that. Bullies are no exception to this rule when it comes to power. You are the goldmine, and your personal power is the gold.

Each time they return, they will chip away at your self-esteem more and more to get that gold. Therefore, the trick here is to stop supplying “the gold.”

There’s a reason for boundaries.

Stop rewarding their behavior and set boundaries! Remember that mine owners usually had armed guards posted to prevent greedy prospectors from robbing them.

The guards are the boundaries for the mine. They protect the mine by keeping the robbers out.

Also, nations have boundaries to keep out foreign invaders. And people should have them as well to ward off others who would otherwise use and abuse them.

These Facts about Bullying will make you angry – at yourself!

In most cases, realizing these truths will make you angry. Then, you will grow so sick of being crapped on.

You’ll be angry with yourself for having allowed them to abuse you for so long. Also, you will reach the point where you stop caring how the bullies respond.

In other words, you will be willing to face the possibility of getting beaten within an inch of your life. However, you won’t care anymore. Damn the consequences!

Your attitude will be, “They may whip me, but I’ll go down swinging and get a few good licks in! I’ll leave a few marks on them, and they’ll know I’ve been there!”

You will be so furious that you’ll flatly refuse to live in fear any longer, come what may.

7. Facts about Bullying:

Bullies only understand strength and power. They do not understand reason, diplomacy, nor politeness.

You cannot handle bullies with kid gloves. In other words, there are no nice or polite ways to deal with them. You cannot be nice when setting boundaries.

Bullies only see niceties, pleasantries, and politeness as weaknesses to exploit and manipulate. They do not respect you for having those things.

Also, you can never reason with bullies. Bullies only perceive any form of diplomacy and reasoning to be signs of weakness.

Therefore, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are. When you set your boundaries, do so firmly and bluntly. And mean it!

You cannot just set boundaries and expect your bullies to respect them. You must also enforce those boundaries with consequences because bullies will see this as a challenge. And you can best believe they will rise to that challenge.

In other words, they will violate your newly established boundaries. And they’ll do it to dare you and to prove that they can. Also, they may try to gaslight you.

That’s when you impose harsh consequences. And when you do, make sure that the consequences are severe enough to make them stop!

The consequences must be so severe that your bullies won’t even want to look in your direction again, much less mess with you.

Facts about Bullying:

You must speak from a position of power and strength.

To put it figuratively, unleash hellfire and put the fear of God in them! Think Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the Pearl Harbor attack. Japan never attacked us again afterwards.

We eventually won their respect, and they became one of our closest friends. And we continue to be friends with Japan today.

Here it is, in a nutshell. When you’re dealing with bullies, it’s either put up or shut up.

In Closing

 The bullying you suffer may get worse before it gets better. Why? Because bullies always fight the hardest when they know they’re losing their power over you.

Therefore, don’t give up. Stick to your guns. And know that eventually, after you severely school your bullies enough times, they will eventually get the message. They will give up and go find another chump to jerk around.

This will be very difficult, if not terrifying. However, if you don’t want to waste years tiptoeing around bullies, you must realize these facts. These aren’t opinions, they’re facts.

These essential truths were the ones I had to realize before I could muster the courage to defend myself. Then, I could finally put a stop to the years-long nightmare I was living in.

THis post gave you all the facts about bullying so that you will be emboldened to stand up for yourself once and for all.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

2. Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

3. Why People Reward Bullies

4. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

5. Facts About Respect: 9 Time-Tested Truths You Must Know

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What Can You Learn from Bullying? 15 Powerful Takeaways

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What can you learn from bullying? There are several things it will teach you, and you can find those life-lessons right here. However, you may not recognize the lessons until after the bullying ends and you become a survivor.

what can you learn from bullying

Bullying hurts, don’t get me wrong. It can be traumatic for many victims. However, there are takeaways you can get from it if you look for them.

In this post, you will learn the answers to the sometimes-asked question, “What can you learn from bullying?”

Once you learn about all these takeaways, you can feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you will be proud of yourself because you survived! More importantly, you overcame.

What can you learn from bullying? This post will give you all the answers.

What Can You Learn from Bullying?

Bullying sucks! I will be the first to agree with you. In fact, that’s the understatement of the century. Bullying is horrible.

However, as Katy Perry sang, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

You would be amazed at what you can learn from bullies. This may sound a bit strange to some. However, bullies can teach you a great deal about human nature and the evils of the world.

Yes, they can hurt you, but they can also teach you some of the most powerful life lessons. If you were ever a victim of bullying, it more than likely did the same for you.

It’s hard to look for the silver lining while bullies are bullying you. However, things change once you get away from your bullies, and the torment is over.

You regain a renewed sense of hope. Moreover, you see so much more clearly the lessons in what you had to endure.

So, what are the takeaways?

1. Bullying Teaches you how to detect bullshit.

Bullying can give you a finely tuned ability to smell bullshit from a mile away. If you’ve dealt with bullies and bullying long enough, you learn very quickly how to spot liars and fakes before you even talk to them.

And you learn it because your survival depends on it. I’m not only speaking from my own experiences. I’ve also heard the same from other survivors of bullying.

When you have experienced bullying, especially long-term, it has a way of giving you an almost psychic ability to see through people. Moreover, you can figure out their true motives and intentions.

All you have to do is carefully observe a large group. Then you can spot the fakes and troublemakers at lightning speed and with accuracy.

As for me, I don’t have to speak a word to anyone. All I have to do is stand back and watch.

What Can You Learn from Bullying?

When It’s a matter of survival, your brain learns something quickly and to near perfection.

For example, a person who loses his sight experiences a much keener sense of hearing. It’s the same with a victim or survivor of bullying.

They quickly grow the ability to read people like newspapers. Why? Out of sheer necessity. Many survivors can read body language like an FBI agent.

They can decipher the tiniest micro-expression. In fact, they can even pick up on the vibes others put out…especially negative ones.

When a specific skill is mandatory for your survival, nature gives you no choice but to hone that skill and use it to near perfection.

I consider this sixth sense to be a gift. And, this gift came at a heavy price. However, it was worth it in the end because it made me a better judge of character.

2. Compassion for the Underdog.

When you know what it is to be a victim of bullying, it teaches you empathy and compassion for others- especially the downtrodden.

You’ll more likely reach out and protect those who are bullied because you were there once. And you can’t stand the thought of anyone else enduring such pain.

Therefore, you make a point of extending kindness. And you do it primarily to people whom others have unjustly marginalized and misjudged.

As for me, I believe in spreading the same kindness to the janitor as I would to the CEO.

3. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

Greater Appreciation for those who love you.

Because you know what it is to be mistreated and alone, you never take anyone for granted. I’m no longer a victim of bullying. However, I have an awesome family and the most positive, fun circle of friends you’d ever want to meet.

And the same will be for you. When you’ve known what it’s like to be excluded and isolated, you don’t take your familial relationships or friendships for granted.

You make a point of being loyal to all of them. And you’ll stand behind them when the chips are down.

In fact, you consider your family, blood, and non-blood, wonderful blessings to your life. And you cherish them.

4. Clarity of what you will and will not tolerate.

After you’ve been bullied, you know never to be afraid to say “no.” You learn very quickly that it is crucial to set boundaries, or others will walk all over you.

And you find that out the hard way. Moreover, you learn that sometimes, even if you do, there will be those who will challenge those boundaries.

But you know to stay firm no matter what. You might be retaliated against for it, but at least you’ll feel better later. Knowing that you stood up for yourself gives you untold confidence.

As the old saying goes, “I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.”
Finding the lessons in bullying will make you a happier person later on. It did me!

Therefore, you will stand up to bullies without guilt. Why? Because you know that it’s okay to defend yourself when someone is harming you.

5. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

Bullies can give you the dogged determination to go after what you want in life.

Bullying can teach you to go after your goals and dreams. If there’s anything you want in life, you go after it.

Therefore, you work hard for what you want because you’ve gotten enough of what you don’t want. Being bullied can give you the tenacity to reach your goals and dreams.

As a result, you will make several accomplishments.  Moreover, these accomplishments would not have been possible if you had never experienced bullying.

If you let it, bullying will only fuel your motivation to achieve more and live a happy life. Therefore, instead of holding grudges against your bullies, use them as your drive to reach heights you never thought possible!

Happiness and success are the best revenge you can ever take.

6. A passion to help OTHER victims overcome bullying.

It puts you on a mission to tell your own story and speak out against injustice. Because you know what it’s like, you strive more to help others overcome bullying and abuse.

7. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

You learn the importance of self-care.

When you’re bullied, you learn the hard way that if you don’t love yourself, no one else will either. So, you make a point of taking care of yourself and treating yourself kindly.

Moreover, you treat yourself well by allowing others to treat you well. You do so by what you tolerate, and those you let into your life.

And you reinforce that by not being afraid to walk away if someone doesn’t treat you well.

8. you realize the importance of loving yourself, and being comfortable in your own skin.

You learn the importance of putting yourself first. No matter what anyone thinks or says, you continue to be true to yourself and to be yourself.

You don’t let bullies distort your self-esteem. Moreover, you don’t allow them to tell you “it isn’t cool” if there’s something you enjoy doing.

Instead, you take care of yourself and stand up for yourself. You do what fulfills you and makes you happy, and forget the rest.

Confidence and self-love are the most important things you can have. Those two qualities will give you the determination to love yourself and pursue what you want in life.

9. A strong desire to learn about human psychology and behavior.

Even now, I read every book about human psychology and behavior I can get my hands on. Being bullied lights a fire under you.

It gives you the desire to learn about human psychology and behavior, so you never become a victim again.

10. What Can You Learn from Bullying:

The will to protect other victims of bullying.

You’ll stand up for others who are being bullied. Again, because you know what it’s like to be mistreated, you wouldn’t want to see anyone else endure what you have.

Therefore, you take every opportunity to be someone’s hero and friend for life. This is one of the greatest lessons bullying can teach you.

11. To live life on your terms.

If nothing else, know this! You do not need anyone else’s permission to live your life the way you want. From the way you dress to the decisions you make, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else, you can do as you please.

No one has the right to tell you what your lifestyle should be, how you dress, or when you speak. Therefore, you must exercise your autonomy daily to overcome bullying.

Your life is yours. Live it the way you choose.

12. It makes you selective of who you allow in your life.

Being selective means avoiding people who bring you drama. And if you look closely, you will know which people to avoid.

For instance, if you see people gossiping about someone, they will eventually talk about you. You know this. Therefore, you don’t need or want these kinds in your life.

Therefore, you will have the courage to get rid of toxic people without guilt or apology. You also forgive, but you do so without being foolish.

13. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

That everyone, even bullies, HAS problems.

You quickly learn that bullies always put on a front of having a perfect life. They use arrogance and cockiness to mask their feelings of inferiority.

I say this from experience because many of my bullies had alcoholic fathers. Many had drug-addicted mothers. Others had fathers who cheated on or beat their mothers.

Many of my classmates were being raised by single mothers who had a different man in their beds every night. Others had parents who neglected them and older siblings who abused them.

Several had a parent dealing drugs or one who was in and out of jail. Also, many had been sexually abused.

So, it was no wonder most of my classmates were so full of piss and vinegar?

14. To grow a thick skin.

Have you ever noticed how redundant bullies are? And have you noticed how they repeat the same worn-out insults?

It’s true that the crap they talk can hurt and hurt badly. However, bullies can repeat the same rubbish for so long that eventually, it loses its meaning.

And when something loses its meaning, it also loses its effectiveness. You get to a point where you don’t care what they call you anymore. Then, the taunts get boring, and your bullies become one big yawn.

15. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

The evils humans are capable of.

People can be the cruelest of all living things. Not everyone is inherently good. Being bullied teaches you to be on the lookout for those who secretly wish to harm your loved ones or you.

You learn to watch for enemies disguised as friends. Moreover, it teaches you to pay close attention to body language, expressions, and microflashes.

When you are the victim of bullying, you see the darkest side of humanity possible if you’re unlucky enough. You see things that those who aren’t targets would never see. And they will be things you won’t forget.

My classmates showed me the darkest and ugliest sides of human nature.

16. It teaches you the kind of person you never want to be.

You will watch bullies act arrogantly. You will also see them being loud and obnoxious. As a result, it will be a huge turn-off to you, and you will be glad you aren’t them.

It may not seem this way now. But it will later. I guarantee it!

17. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

That you are responsible for your own safety.

I learned early on that I was the only person responsible for my own safety, success, and future happiness, no one else! And I had to be willing to do whatever it took to bootstrap my way back up.

And it was the same with my other siblings. There were no freebies nor piggyback rides. The school didn’t help me. No one was coming to rescue me. So, I had to learn to stand up for myself.

Realize that no one is coming to rescue you. When bullies come after you, it’s up to you to defend yourself.

In closing, here is a quick summary of what bullying can teach you.

Life Lessons from Bullying:

Quick Summary

  • How to detect bullshit
  • Compassion for the underdog
  • Greater appreciation of the people who love you
  • Clarity of what you will and will not tolerate
  • Dogged determination to go after what you want in life
  • A passion to help other victims overcome bullying
  • A strong desire to learn about human psychology and behavior
  • The will to protect other victims of bullying
  • The courage to get rid of toxic people and live life on your terms
  • It makes you selective of who you allow in your life
  • That everyone, even bullies, has problems
  • To grow a thick skin
  • The evils humans are capable of
  • The kind of person you don’t want to be
  • That you are responsible for your own safety

Being the object of bullies is never fun. But if you look for the lessons in it, it can teach you so much. It gives you so many lessons about the messed-up world we live in.

Moreover, it teaches you about the dark side of human nature. And you learn to keep the faith and believe in yourself. You learn to love yourself and appreciate the people who love you.

You also gain the willingness to stand up for the people who aren’t able to defend themselves.
Know that you have the power to turn the abuse you suffer around for good. That’s what adult survivors of bullying do.

You can also turn the negatives into positives. Your pain today can become your power tomorrow! I guarantee it! Here are several other life lessons you can learn HERE.

What can you learn from bullying? This post gave you the answers so that you can look for the lessons and, most of all, feel better about yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Survivors of Bullying: How It Feels to Overcome 

2. Life Lessons from Bullying: 16 Powerful Takeaways to Remember

3. Adult Survivors of School Bullying: 19 Things They Do Differently

4. The Importance of Forgiveness

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

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The Best Revenge Against Bullies: What is It?

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‘Want to know the best revenge against bullies? Here’s the one thing that will hurt them more than anything you could ever do.

the best revenge against bullies

The best revenge against bullies isn’t about retaliation. It isn’t about getting payback. So, what is it? In this post, you will learn the best way to come out on top.

Once you learn what the best revenge against bullies really is, you will be more compelled to rise above your bullies the right way.

This post is all about what the best revenge against bullies really is, so you can do what you need to do to take care of yourself and live a peaceful life.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies

Let’s get into it. What is the best revenge against bullies? There are three ways to win against your bullies. Here they are.

1. Living a Peaceful Life

As the old saying goes, “living well is the best revenge.” And it’s one of the most factual statements you’ll ever hear or read.

When you live a peaceful and drama-free life, people, especially bullies, will despise that. Why? Because they want you miserable like they are. Therefore, they will do something to disrupt it.

The best way to avoid this and keep tranquility in your life is to avoid toxic people. This is the best way to prevent disruptive individuals from disrupting your peace.

2. Success.

Yes! You read this correctly! Success is, by far, the best revenge you can ever take against your bullies. Why? There are several reasons!

Most bullies believe that they are superior to you. Any time you make an achievement, they will see it as a threat to their power. Then, they will increase their attacks against you.

And they will do it not only to punish you, but also to keep you in your place. Therefore, it isn’t always safe to share your accomplishments.

Moreover, your bullies might convince others that you are bragging. In cases like this, please allow someone else to announce your success rather than doing so yourself.

And, again, sometimes it’s better to keep it quiet.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

Not everyone wants you to succeed.

You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. And this includes some of your closest friends.

Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own personal failures. If you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior to reach success and overshadow them.

Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win. And when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.

It’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! In other words, you force them into the shadows while you get to shine. You get to be recognized for your accomplishments.

This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight! Understand that bullies crave attention and adoration most. And when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

IF you score a win, your bullies will make you pay for it.

Naturally, they will retaliate by launching all sorts of attacks against you. Your bullies will make all sorts of accusations. They may throw shade by bringing up your past mistakes.

You must see through their behavior. They only do it because their power has been threatened. And when your accomplishments drive them into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.

Therefore, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities. So, how do you handle this?

You handle it by staying above it. Refuse to react to the bullies’ foolishness. Instead, continue enjoying your wins and successes and let them stew in their own juices.

Let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire. Watch with a smile as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness!

Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.

If you haven’t made any accomplishments yet, work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from anyone.

And the fewer roadblocks you will run into along the way. And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it, and with it, give your bullies the surprise of their lives.

“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”

1. It’s a type of revenge in which you don’t have to resort to being petty nor violent.

In achieving success, there’s no need to say a word or lift a finger against the bullies. In this, you can silently exact revenge without reducing yourself to the bullies’ level.

As a result, you don’t look petty in the eyes of others!

2. The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

Envy and jealousy are natural human tendencies.

It’s a fact that most people hate to see others succeed and reach their goals and dreams. And secretly, bullies take pleasure in watching others, especially you, suffer.

However, when you become happy and prosperous, it takes the wind out of the bullies’ sails. It only disappoints, frustrates, or even angers them. All while you continue to smile, shine, and move on to even bigger things!

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying, any successes you achieve will automatically incite jealousy.

3. If you’re lucky, you get to watch your bullies seethe as you collect your accolades.

And hey! Let’s be real here! There’s nothing more satisfying than watching your bullies squirm with jealousy and rage as you get recognition for your accomplishments!

And if you want, you can covertly eat your bullies alive by looking at them with a taunting smile!

So, find something you enjoy doing – something you are good at! Practice and perfect any talents and gifts you’ve been blessed with. Then display those talents before the world!

Your self-esteem will skyrocket. And you never know where it may take you!

4. The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

You prove them wrong

Bullies despise it when you show them up. When you prove a bully wrong, you show everyone else that they aren’t so perfect.

This undermines their image. Therefore, they’ll try to get back at you to repair it.

5. You outshine them

Upstage a bully, and you’ll get tons of flak for it. To your bullies, you are inferior, and they want you to stay that way.

If you make a significant accomplishment, this makes your bullies look less important. You naturally overshadow anything they’ve accomplished. And they’ll do everything possible to try to reduce you to a place of inferiority.

Bullies Hate Competition

Bullies hate competition. And they despise it, especially when it’s you they must compete with. If someone they deem inferior outmatches them in any competition. Oooo! Talk about a blow to the bully’s ego. Ouch!

They see your accomplishments as a threat to their superiority. Why? Because the bullies’ sense of self-worth is rooted in one-upmanship.

Therefore, they will get angry and say things like:

  • “You think you’re better than us!”
  • “You think you’re hot stuff!”
  • “You think you’re so f***ing cool, don’t you?”

I’ve come to realize that any time a bully makes any statement that begins with, “You think you’re…,” it usually means jealousy. And it means anger, or resentment aimed at you for a success or desirable quality that you have. Always!

Understand that those three little words can say so much.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

They despise your confidence.

Bullies despise any confidence you have. Why? Because when you’re confident, you believe in yourself. Therefore, you don’t let others define who you are.

Confidence is your first line of defense against bullying. It naturally buffers your self-esteem for personal attacks.

When you have confidence, you’re likely to tell your bullies where to stick it. Again, that’s a huge threat to their power. They may try to push you around one time. But it will be the only time they do it.

It pays to love yourself even when it seems others don’t.

Let Bullies be Your Jet Fuel to Unimaginable Heights

Instead of letting them bring you down, use your bullies as motivation to succeed. Let them be your drive to accomplish anything you see set to do.

Walk with your head held high, even amid taunts and attacks from bullies. Believe in yourself even when it seems no one else does. Be your own advocate, and be your own best friend.

Love and respect yourself. Do the things you enjoy the most. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Take care of yourself and stay true to your own heart.

Put yourself first. Be a little selfish and allow yourself to say no, whether anyone approves or not. Be your authentic self and be assertive and outspoken.

Keep company only with people who love you most and uplift you. Take charge of your own happiness and never depend on anyone else for it. Be proud of your successes, accomplishments, and accolades.

Do all of these things, and your bullies will be less likely to affect you.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

Using Bullying as a Motivator for Success and Happiness

I want to tell you that being the object of bullying does not mean that you’re a failure. It does not mean that you must give up.

Remember that bullies are not only cowards, they’re also liars. They only want to convince you that you are nothing.

And they want you to believe that because they are very much afraid that you WILL amount to something. So why not use them as motivation?

Here are ways that you can survive bullying and keep your self-esteem from tanking:

  • Practice and display any talents that you have.
  • Spend time with those you love and who love you the most.
  • Take care of yourself.
  • If a great opportunity comes your way, TAKE IT!
  • Do the things you enjoy the most.
  • Smile.

If you are a victim of bullying, there’s no better time to do whatever it takes to stay confident! Don’t let bullying devastate you; allow it to motivate you.

When they hate you, love yourself anyway. That’s how you get revenge. And you do it without even trying. The best revenge is happiness.

This post was all about the best revenge against bullies so that you can release any grudges and shift your focus from them to yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Revenge on Bullies? Here are 17 Better Alternatives. 

2. Things Bullies Hate: 9 Things That Drive Them Up the Wall

3. What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

4. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

5. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

what doesn't work with bullies in school

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies: 10 Reactions to Stop Right Now

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‘Want to know what doesn’t work with bullies? Here are all the responses you need to know that only produce the opposite of what you hope for.

what doesn't work with bullies

Specific responses never work with bullies. And you must know what they are to avoid using them and making yourself an even bigger target.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what doesn’t work with bullies so you can avoid them more easily and respond more effectively.

Once you learn these vital tips, you will be able to respond to bullying more effectively.

This post is all about what doesn’t work with bullies, so you’ll know how to avoid responding.

What doesn’t work with Bullies

Some responses and reactions work, and some don’t. Some responses will prompt bullies to back off. However, others will only encourage them to continue and even escalate their harassment.

So, what doesn’t work with bullies? Here’s a list of ways to avoid responding at all costs.

1. Ignoring them.

I’m sure you’ve had many people tell you to ignore the bullies when they bully you. This is just another classic, worn-out piece of bad advice.

I got that lousy advice, too. And I learned the hard way – it doesn’t work. Period. Full stop! It never works.

Bullies will only become angry when you ignore them. And they will escalate the bullying. Moreover, they will mistake your ignoring them for fear.

If a bully gets in your face, how do you ignore that? It’s impossible.

You might think that the best way to handle it is to put your hand up and walk around the bully. This isn’t necessarily a bad response.

However, how do you know the bully won’t come after you and attack you from behind? When people tell you to ignore the bully, what they really mean is one or more of three things:

They don’t want to hear about it, don’t want to deal with it, or don’t have any answers themselves.

Therefore, keep calling it out. And keep setting boundaries.

2. What Doesn’t work with Bullies:

Asking them why.

Many victims mistakenly ask their bullies why. And it’s because they haven’t been taught more effective responses.

  • “Why are you doing this to me?”
  • “Why me?”
  • “What did I ever do to you?”

These questions are pointless. Why? Because, by asking these types of questions, you’re only reinforcing your role as a victim.

A bully will never answer those questions. And it’s because they either can’t or won’t answer them. Why would they tell you?

Remember that part of the bully’s power is to keep you confused. And believe me, their silence on it speaks just as loudly as their words. They love to keep you guessing and trying to rack your brain.

That alone is power in and of itself. If bullies can keep you wondering, they can continue the behavior. And they can do it without you catching on that they are the ones with the problem and not you.

Therefore, it’s best to look up articles and books on bullying to get the answers to your questions. You’ll get much better answers from these sources than you ever will from your bullies.

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Why keeping you confused is half their power.

Again, keeping you bewildered is a power all its own. Why? Because when you’re confused, you can’t think clearly. And if you can’t think clearly, you are less likely to figure out what to do about it.

Understand that bullies will never relinquish their power. Never! To tell you why they bully you would be like giving secrets to the enemy. To be honest about what they hate about you would be like giving their power away to you, and they’ll be damned if they ever!

Therefore, I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You must know in your heart that you never did anything to deserve brutal treatment.

To take back your power, you must realize that they are the mentally impaired ones. They are the ones with the problem, and they are responsible for their behavior.

Instead of focusing your attention on finding out why your bullies are giving you problems, focus on self-care.

Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What can I do to take care of myself?”  Ask “What can I do to remove myself from the situation and the toxic environment?”

Consider your options and weigh each carefully. Then quietly begin making plans to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible.

3. I-Responses.

Instead, respond with a You-Response. For example, tell them, “You chose that behavior, I didn’t.” Or, you can say, “You’re such an asshole.”

Whatever you do, keep your response away from yourself. Always say, “You are the problem,” or “You chose to be a jerk.” Choose any response that points to the bully and not at you.

4. What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Begging.

When you beg a bully not to hurt you, it only makes you look weaker. Moreover, when you beg, bullies get a rush of power. Bullies love it when you beg. Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction.

More importantly, it doesn’t work. It only makes bullies want to harm you more. Why? Because it makes you seem like a loser.

Instead of begging, look the bully in the eye and firmly tell them to back the hell off. And if they don’t, you may have to put up your fists. Begging comes from a position of weakness. So, you must speak from a position of strength.

5. Apologizing.

Apologizing to bullies is a trauma response. So, it isn’t your fault.

Apologizing is appropriate when a situation warrants it. A sincere apology to someone you’ve hurt shows good character and integrity. It brings about healing and reopens communication between you and those you’ve wronged.

But what if the circumstances do not need one? Apologies can backfire when you offer them needlessly to people who don’t deserve them.

You may say “I’m sorry” before you even have time to think. It’s an automatic response. So, when you catch yourself about to say “sorry,” Stop for a moment.

Assess the situation and the person you’re apologizing to.

NEVER apologize to a bully. Bullies will only see it as weakness. Understand that you can never appease a bully.

Giving bullies undeserved apologies makes you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. So, instead of apologizing. Tell them, “You’ll get over it,” and walk away.

In fact, here’s what you do before apologizing to a bully.

What Doesn’t Work With Bullies:

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Doesn’t this warrant an apology?
  • Is this person someone I need to apologize to?
  • Is this my fault?
  • Did I have any control over this?
  • Am I responsible for someone else’s behavior other than my own?

If the answers are no, then save your apology for a person who deserves it and a situation that warrants it.

  • Do these people bully and abuse me?
  • Do they gaslight me when I defend myself or when I assert my needs and wants?
  • Have they yelled at me, insulted me, or ridiculed me when I’m having fun and just being myself?
  • Do they bully me more intensely when I express my own thoughts and opinions?
  • Do they punish me for feeling angry or sad emotions?
  • And, do they ridicule me for asking for help?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you don’t have to apologize. So, don’t!

I can’t stress this enough. When you offer apologies to bullies, you are wandering into people-pleasing territory. Also, your apologies will eventually lose their meaning when used too much for too long.

Moreover, they can weaken you in the eyes of predatory people. You will become the victim of people who wish to take advantage of you for their own selfish and sick pleasure and gain.

Why? Because you’re sorry for simply existing and taking up space.

What Doesn’t work with Bullies:

What you should say instead of apologizing.

If a bully or abuser is trying to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault, is beyond your control, or something that doesn’t need an apology, these are powerful responses.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

Therefore, understand that in those circumstances, you are not inconveniencing anyone or being a bother. Realize that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.

This trauma response comes from a bullied brain. In other words, after people have bullied you for so long, you over-apologize because you’re afraid of being bullied again. But it can only bring more bullying because people will use it against you.

6. Explaining.

Explaining is a trap. Why? Because most things don’t need an explanation. Yet bullies are good at getting their victims to explain things that don’t need explaining.

Worst of all, victims of bullying are unsure how not to get sucked into needlessly explaining themselves. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Why Bullies Bait you into the Explaining Trap.

  • To throw you off-balance
  • To gather ammunition with which to fire back at you later
  • And to get you emotional.

So, how do you respond to this tactic intelligently and with strength? You respond by giving them a dismissive look, then walking away. Sometimes, silence speaks the loudest.

7. Being Nice.

Sweet talk never works with bullies. Too much sugar is never good because it not only eats away at your teeth, but it also eats away at your self-esteem and your life.

In a world full of evil people, being too nice means having no backbone or boundaries. Therefore, bullies will only see your kindness as a sign of being a fool. And don’t think they won’t find ways to exploit it.

With bullies, you must grow a pair and stand up to shabby treatment. It’s the only way you will ever get through to them.

8. A soft “No”.

When you say no to bullies, you must give them a hard no, never a soft one. A soft no is a no that is gentler and includes an explanation (see number six). It has no teeth. Therefore, bullies will only steamroll right over it.

On the other hand, a hard no is a firm, point-blank refusal. It has strength behind it. For instance, you can say, “No,” “Nope!” or “Absolutely not!” Then walk away.

Responses to bullies should always be firm.

9. What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Submitting and trying to appease them.

Anytime you submit just to appease them and make them go away, you are rewarding their behavior. In other words, you’re giving them what they want. And, if you give them what they want, what makes you think they won’t come back for more?

You cannot submit your way out of being bullied. And you cannot appease a bully. Moreover, bullies don’t understand politeness or diplomacy; they only understand strength. These are facts you must know right now!

10. Pandering

I’ve seen so many bullied targets- even people who aren’t victims pander- or, in laymen terms, suck up. Bullies can be intimidating, even downright threatening, no doubt.

Anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do whatever it takes to quell the danger. That, I understand entirely.

But, unless they threaten your life, it isn’t a good idea to pander to bullies. Why? Because it wouldn’t change anything. You only give away more of your power by bowing down and kissing their feet.

As a result, you’ll end up feeling even worse about yourself than you did before.

Pandering is for pansies. So, think for yourself and start standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries. They may bully you harder at first. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

But if you stick to it, they will go away sooner or later. And you’ll feel better about yourself.

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

In conclusion

To know how to respond means learning how not to respond. Therefore, avoid these reactions, and you will become bully-proof and live in peace. I promise you.

This post was all about what doesn’t work with bullies so that you can stand strong, make them leave you alone, and preserve your SELF-ESTEEM.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

 2. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

3.  No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. Saying Sorry Too Much: 4 Reasons You Do and How to Stop It

why bullies won't leave you alone reddit

Why Bullies Won’t Leave You Alone

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‘Want to know why bullies won’t leave you alone? Here are all the reasons bullies keep coming after you so that you can plan your defense accordingly.

why bullies won't leave you alone

Once bullies get a bead on you, they are relentless. In fact, they are the most persistent people on earth. They are like a dog with a bone, and most won’t stop coming after you until they get you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the reasons bullies won’t leave you alone, so you will no longer feel confused and can begin taking the proper steps to defend yourself and restore your safety.

Once you learn all about these vital details, you will be better prepared when bullies place a target on your back.

This post explains why bullies won’t leave you alone, helping you clear up the confusion and become more determined to stand up for yourself.

Why Bullies Won’t Leave You Alone

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these questions a million times over.

  • “These bullies despise me so much. Why don’t they get a life and leave me alone?”
  • “They think that I’m such a bad person, so why don’t they just let me go?”
  • “Why don’t they just forget me, go on about their business, and let me go on about mine?”
  • “If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”
  • “My bullies hate me so much. So, wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they stayed away from me? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?
  • “If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”
  • “Why would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”
  • “Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem. They stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works out.

As much as I hate to tell you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace. If they have selected you to be their target, they won’t just go away quietly.

Here’s why.

1. Their Goal is to Dominate you.

Bullies can’t dominate you by staying away from you. To lord it over you, they must engage you. They must stick close to you. You can’t dominate if you don’t watch the person.

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone. You just happen to be the easiest victim for them. You are the person they have in their sights.

Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you, to hold you down, and oppress you. Realize that this is the only way bullies can thrive. In fact, their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

2. Why Bullies Won’t Leave You Alone:

bullying you gives them meaning in their lives.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

Outside of trying to control and keep a tight grip on others’ lives, bullies can’t find meaning. And they don’t have any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Bullies have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. The vast majority are only life losers disguised as winners and cloaked in false perfection.

So, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find meaning is through subjugation. Therefore, they ride roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your bullies just left you alone, they would have nothing else. Why? Because there is nothing left out there for them.

3. Outside of the places they take over, Bullies are nothing.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of those environments, they take over and rule with iron fists; they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

On the other hand, you have a healthy mentality. You don’t have to bully others to find meaning in your life. Why? Because chances are that you already have it outside the bullying environment.

Unlike your bullies, you find meaning through unity and togetherness with your family and friends. You also discover it through your church, home, talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, bullies don’t have these things to fall back on.

4. Why Bullies Won’t Leave You Alone:

Bullies need victims.

Understand that bullies must have victims. In fact, they need them. Bullies need people whom they can oppress and subjugate. They crave people they can order around and tell what to do.

Bullying itself requires targets. Take the target out of the equation, and bullying ceases to exist.

If one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t be a ruler if there are no people around. In other words, you’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom, because for a kingdom even to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

Put another way, it would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

5. Without victims, bullies have no power.

Here’s another thing to consider. If you’re a target of bullying, your bullies don’t like the fact that you want to get away from them. Why? Because if you were to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person, you would take their power right along with you.

Therefore, the thought of you leaving the environment only enrages your bullies. Moreover, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with intense anger. Then, they will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Again, when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

When Bullies Won’t Leave You Alone:

The battered wife.

The same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. It drives him up the wall, and not because he’s lost her. It’s because he has lost power over her.

Bullies are no different. Their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Remember that bullying is abuse. And, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse, it is about power.

Since bullying and abuse are the same, they’re both about power.

Therefore, bullies will never allow you to live in peace. The reason bullies won’t leave you alone is that to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

6. power is addictive.

The power that bullies get from bullying you is addictive. It gives them a rush of authority. However, that rush wears off quickly.

In other words, bullying is like a drug. And like any drug, it gives the user a high or a rush. When it wears off, the user then searches for another hit.

Power is addictive. And bullies are insecure people with fragile egos. They’re insecure people in control.

As long as they can keep you worn down, where you accept their abuse, they have power over you. And the longer they have power over you, the more addicted they become to it.

Their pathetic little egos feed off of controlling you. And the more they feed their egos at your expense, the stronger that power-addiction becomes.

However, once you get an ass full and decide to stand up to the creeps, you take back your power. Then your bullies become outraged. Why? Because you have taken away the very thing they’ve become addicted to.

7. Why Bullies Won’t Leave You Alone:

Bullying is like a drug to bullies.

How does someone who’s addicted to drugs act when you suddenly cut them off from their drug supply? They climb the walls! It’s the same with bullies when you defend yourself and take back your power – the drug they’re addicted to.

Therefore, to bring you back under their control, your bullies might put on the nice act and become apologetic. However, this doesn’t happen often because bullies are prideful.

In most cases, your bullies will increase the abuse. They will reinforce their power by punishing you for defending yourself. For instance, verbal bullies begin verbally assaulting you, and you counter them with a good burn.

Your bullies may dial up the abuse by giving you a good beating. It’s a fact that most verbal bullies become physical bullies. And this is why.

Bullying always escalates. Why? Because, as with a drug, the user builds a tolerance to it. Therefore, they need more of the drug. With bullying, bullies may start by calling you names. But that soon loses its thrill.

Then the bullies escalate it and begin physically abusing you.

8. You’re an easy target.

Because you don’t fight back, they know they can get away with it. In other words, by not defending yourself, you only reward their behavior.

So, who wouldn’t keep doing it if it gives them the rewards they’re looking for?

The only way your bullies will leave you alone is if you start setting boundaries. That means imposing consequences on anyone who violates your boundaries.

Therefore, you must defend yourself from bullying if you want bullies to leave you alone. It’s the only way to get them to stop. But before you can fight back effectively, you must first have knowledge. And that means knowing the objectives of bullying.

This post was all about why bullies won’t leave you alone so that you will begin defending yourself and take back your right to safety.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

3. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

4. When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

when bullies lose power over you in school

When Bullies Lose Power Over You: 4 Things that Happen

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What happens when bullies lose power over you? Discover 3 things that happen when bullies realize they can no longer control you.

when bullies lose power over you

In this post, you will learn what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you’ll know what to expect.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be better equipped to prepare for your bullies’ reactions and protect yourself from any reprisals.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can be ready for anything they throw at you.

When Bullies Lose Power

When you take back your power, bullies react in various ways. This is because they feel a sense of dismissal or rejection when you stop letting them control you.

Nobody likes being rejected and dismissed – especially by someone they consider inferior. That’s a blow to the ego like no other!

When you finally dismiss a bully, oh my goodness! They lose it! Why? Because they thought for so long that you were too weak to stand up to them.

Therefore, the minute you finally stood your ground, you snatched your power back and left the bully powerless over you! And now the bully must go through the headache of finding a new target! Gasp!

1. If a bully cannot control you, they will attempt to control how others see you.

There are several reasons they do this. Number 1, they’re afraid that you’ll tell others the truth about them, so they do it to cover their backsides.

Number 2, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself.  And number 3, to close you off from any human connection and therefore, any protection.

Bullies know that if they can isolate you, they can reclaim their narrative. They can cut off any protection you might receive, then you are theirs for the taking, and they can move in for the kill.

Now, they can do with you whatever they choose, freely and with impunity. Why? Because if everyone is against you, the less likely they are to help you. Think about it. If everyone else is against you, then, in their minds, you deserve what’s happening to you.

Therefore, they will try to turn others against you.

Bullies want to, figuratively, hold you hostage. And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you “in your place.”

2. When Bullies Lose Power:

They will use physical violence if nothing else works.

Bullies will commit their violence either by assaulting you themselves or sending someone else to do it for them. This does not mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself, because you should.

However, when you do, be prepared. The torment may get worse before it gets better. But be strong. Be brave and know that it isn’t your fault.

3. The power dynamic shifts in your favor

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately reclaim your personal power. Moreover, you put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

You flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle rejection. They feel that they must always be in a position of power in the bully/victim relationship.

A bully gets angry enough when anyone stands up to them. But if the person standing up to them is someone they’ve grown accustomed to having power over, it makes them livid.

You must realize the reason for this. This is because you’re likely at the bottom of the pecking order. So, when you finally buck up and stand up to a bully, you, figuratively, trade places with the bully and put them on the bottom, if only for that moment.

When bullies lose power over you, here are their unspoken messages:

  • “How dare you!”
  • “Who is this phlegm-wad to stand up to me? ME!
  • “This piece of scum is supposed to be under me, and here she is talking to me and acting like she’s OVER me! Oh no! This can’t happen!
  • Who does this loser think she is!”
  • “The nerve of that &#$%!”
  • “She’s making trouble, and now I’ve got to really act out to put her back under me where she belongs!”

Bullies need raw power!

Understand that bullies rely on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion to get what they want. And they’ve been steamrolling you for so long that they’ve become quite arrogant and self-satisfied.

Do you know what happens when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and set your foot down? You will throw them off balance. And do you know what else you’ll do?

You’ll blast a huge hole in their ego and shock the hell out of them. And trust me when I tell you. Your bullies will become highly pissed!

In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. If the bully has narcissistic personality disorder (and most bullies do), they will go into a rage.

When bullies lose power over you, be prepared for anything.

If you are a victim of bullying and you finally grow a spine, your bullies will do anything they can to break it. They will escalate the bullying when you first stop accepting it.

Therefore, when you tell bullies to kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority over you. Again, bullies have delicate egos. And when the ego is at stake, people will act out.

Bullies are very prideful, and their pride takes a massive blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than be made inferior, especially to their targets.

4. They become vindictive.

Bullies despise boundaries. When you stand up to your bullies, be prepared for a battle of wills. Your bullies will seek revenge, and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

Realize that they don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. And they don’t care how you’ve suffered.

The only thing they are thinking about at this moment is that you challenged their superiority and authority. In their eyes, you are a victim and nothing else. In other words, you are beneath them.

And, still! You had the nerve to undermine them and make them look like punks. Now you must pay a price for it. This is how bullies think.

But don’t let that stop you from defending yourself, no matter what. You have a right to safety and to be treated with dignity.

You must do what you must to protect yourself.

If the bullying becomes too much to deal with, there’s nothing wrong with leaving the environment. Realize that leaving is not running. It’s not being fearful or “chicken.” It’s self-care, it’s smarts, and it’s self-preservation.

You must do what you must to protect not only your physical health, but also your mental health.

When Bullies Lose Power:

What Happened to me when I had the Chutzpah to Stand up to a Bully

This is precisely what happened when I unfriended an old bully classmate over snide comments on some of my posts. She became furious! She couldn’t stand it! And I’ve got to tell you. I’m laughing as I type this.

This half-crazed woman blew up my inbox. And with such vitriolic rage! Oh, my goodness!

How dare I! The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah of me! O-M-G! I’m such a fake! I’m such a pissy person who deleted her because I got called out! Oooooo! Poor baby! I’m such a weak little bitch who can’t take constructive criticism!

This is what she messaged me before I laughed and pushed that little godsend of a block button. I would’ve pushed the button sooner. However, I had to let it percolate a little.

I was getting a real kick out of her reaction, and I wanted to give her time to shoot herself in the foot. Sure enough, she did.

I took screenshots of her messages—one in which she repeatedly asked, “Why did you delete me?” Then I plastered them all over the internet. The icing on the cake was that some of the other classmates saw the screenshots too and they were shocked.

I exposed her before the eyes of some of her old high school buddies. That’s when that she-bully went even more berserk. And, I have to admit. It was so fun to watch!

I kid you not. There wasn’t enough popcorn in the world!

You see, this woman thought that I was weak in high school. She never bet on the possibility that I had smartened up a little since. So, I went ahead and let her assume what she wanted and trapped her with it.

Therefore, I want you to know that standing up to a bully isn’t as hard as you think. It’s quite easy if you don’t let intense emotions get in your way.

Bullies get their power from getting you emotional. And when you finally come to a place where they can no longer faze you, the better you’ll be able to use your head. You will find some leverage and use it as a weapon.

Understand that when bullies fly into a rage, they can no longer think clearly. That’s when you have the opportunity to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can know what to expect when you finally stand your ground.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

bullying is

Bullying: What Is It? And What are the 11 Types of It?

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Want to know what bullying is and what signs you should recognize? Here’s what it is and how to know when you or someone else is being bullied.

bullying

Bullying ruins the lives of millions of innocent people around the globe.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the basics of it. You will learn exactly what it is and all the signs you need to know to protect yourself.

Once you learn all these essential details, you will be better equipped to protect yourself against the onslaught and emerge as a survivor, rather than a victim.

What is Bullying?

Bullying is unwanted aggression that becomes a repeated pattern of aggressive behaviors against the same person over a long period of time. A large group of people typically commits it against an individual and involves an imbalance of power.

In life, you’ll deal with difficult people. You will meet many jerks who act rudely and obnoxiously. However, just because a person is rude doesn’t mean they’re bullies.

Everyone deals with incivility, but not everyone gets bullied.

Incivility is a part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is sick and twisted. Although a jerk’s behavior is hurtful and harmful, it doesn’t mean they’re bullying you.

Before we proceed, let’s define what bullying is.

Bullying – The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.

The Misuse of the term “Bullying”

In today’s climate, people use the word too loosely. Moreover, they use it to describe situations that don’t fit its use.

In fact, many place this label on anyone who says anything they disagree with.

Therefore, we must learn to distinguish between bullying and other forms of conflict.

Sadly, bullying has become a blanket term. People use it to describe anyone who says or does something they dislike. Sure. Some are jerks. However, it doesn’t necessarily make them bullies.

Therefore, when society sticks this label where it doesn’t belong, it deprives people of the right to have their own opinions. This is wrong.

So, what are the differences between incivility and bullying?

Bullying has 5 CHARACTERISTICS.

1. Power imbalance.

Bullying always thrives on an imbalance of power. In other words, the bully usually has more power than the victim. For example, bigger bullies in school often ride roughshod over much smaller victims. The power these bullies have over their victims is usually based on their size and physical strength.

Another example would be the tyrannical manager. The power the manager holds over their subordinates stems from their position within the company. Moreover, he can feed himself and his family with the palm of his hand.

Therefore, he bullies those employees at will simply because he can, and there’s nothing they can do about it without losing their jobs.

It’s the same with the evil sheriff. His position in the county government is his power, and he can plant drugs in the vehicles of his targets and possibly ruin their lives.

Another source of power for bullies is mental health stigma. For instance, if you have a mental health issue, bullies will most likely target you because they see it as a weakness.

So, who’s going to believe the targets when they claim they are innocent? Who’d take the word of a perceived criminal over an officer of the law? This is the power this sheriff holds. People know he’s evil, but they stay out of his way to keep from becoming next on his list.

Therefore, it always involves a power imbalance. The bully is always the one with the most power.

2. Repetition.

The aggression is repeated. Moreover, they are repeated over long periods (from several weeks to several years). And because bullying persists over time, it also escalates if left unchecked.

3. Bullying Seeks to do harm.

Bullying seeks to do deliberate harm, not only physically, but also psychologically and emotionally. It is humiliating. Also, it tears down confidence, crushes self-esteem, and ruins the lives of many innocent people. It’s just what it’s designed to do.

Therefore, you must stand up to it in the early stages. Why? Because bullies will try to dehumanize you in the early stages. And once they succeed in dehumanizing you, people will think that it’s okay to harass you. Then, it can turn into mobbing.

4. It targets the same victim.

Bullying singles out one target or targeted group. Therefore, bullies carry out repeated acts against these targets over time. This aggression only ends when the targets leave the bullies’ environment, either by relocation, transfer, or death.

5. The repeated aggression persists for a long time (over several weeks, months, or years).

Bullies repeat harmful acts of aggression against their targets over the long haul. Moreover, it lasts for weeks, months, or years until the targets somehow leave the toxic environment and are no longer within the bullies’ reach.

Therefore, in short, the bully has more power than the victim. Moreover, the person must carry on repeated acts of unwanted and harmful aggression against the same victim over a long period. Because of this, the Human Stress Response often overworks.

Bullying is often confused with:

1. Disagreements, arguments, and debates

Disagreements aren’t bullying. Why? Because everyone disagrees; couples, siblings, and parents may disagree and do so quite often.

In other words, someone who disagrees with you is not bullying you. They only have a difference of opinion or perspective. Understand that we all have different life experiences, backgrounds, and belief systems.

Although it may not always feel good when someone disagrees with us, they are still not bullies.

However, it would become bullying if the person repeatedly singled you out with personal attacks. Then they would be a bully for doing that.

2. Someone says something you don’t like or voices an opinion you don’t like.

This isn’t bullying. People say things others don’t like every day, but it doesn’t make them bullies. For example, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,

“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

Again, this is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.

However, if the person continued this behavior for a long time. And if they spread rumors about the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood, then yes!

3. Misunderstandings are not classified as bullying.

Here’s another example: if a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. This isn’t bullying either.

Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely. Does he think you might have run into him on purpose? Probably. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Now,  what if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you? Also, what if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?

Then, the answer is yes! He would be considered a bully because he would use his size and height to intimidate you. And he’d be repeating the behavior every day, only against you, but not against anyone else.

4. Stubbornness

For example, if I warned my next-door neighbor that he had a low tire? And what if he waved me away like shooing a fly? He wouldn’t be a bully. A stubborn ox, maybe. But not a bully.

5. Incivility and jerky behavior

For example, a driver pulls out in front of me on the road. I slam on my brakes and blare my horn at him, and he flips me off. It doesn’t make him a bully. Does it make him an asshole? Absolutely, but not a bully.

Moreover, if two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s still doesn’t qualify, even if the argument is heated. But what if one of them resorts to repeatedly calling the other names, and it persists for a long time? That, my friends, is bullying!

If you understand what it is and what constitutes it, you can apply this knowledge to those who deserve the label.

Types of Bullying:

Bullying comes in all types. Here they are.

1. Physical

Physical bullying is the most obvious kind. It involves hitting, kicking, shoving, and choking. It starts as borderline behaviors, such as deliberately running into you in the hallways or tripping you. Also, bullies may brush past you or shoulder-check you.

They may even take their finger and flick your nose with it or spit on you. These kinds of people violate your physical boundaries, and if you ignore them, it will only escalate.

Therefore, the only way to handle these types is to stand up to them. Remember that bullies don’t respond to politeness or diplomacy. They only respond to strength and power.

Therefore, you must speak to them in the only language they understand. How you deal with physical bullies is to stand up for yourself by beating the ever-loving crap out of them. And you must do it so badly that they won’t ever want to tangle with you again. Only then will they leave you alone.

2. Psychological/Emotional

This type targets the victim’s emotions and mental health. It involves name-calling, cruel jokes, and pranks. It can also involve gaslighting, guilt trips, and triggering.

Moreover, its purpose is to undermine the victim’s self-esteem and confidence. Therefore, the best defense is to show them that they don’t faze you. Respond by countering it.

For example, you counter name-calling with humor or with a good burn that humiliates them. You can turn the tables on gaslighting by using counter-statements that shut it down. And you counter guilt-trips by seeing through their bullshit and refusing to feel guilty.

3. Verbal

The verbal kind uses the spoken word to cause psychological or emotional harm. Verbal bullies use tactics that are meant to erode your self-esteem. Therefore, be aware that this type also falls into the psychological and emotional category.

What you do is counter it with a good burn or a bit of humor. This takes the wind out of the idiot’s sail and makes you a not-so-easy target.

5. Non-Verbal

Non-verbal aggression is psychological and emotional because it causes fear. This type of aggression involves giving dirty looks or making threatening and obscene gestures. Examples of this kind of aggression include glaring at someone and flipping them off whenever you see them.

Other examples include pounding a fist into their palm and looking at you. Standing too close to you and getting in your face also falls into this category.

Bullies may also sit in your chair, pick up your notebook, park in your parking space, or learn on your vehicle. This is designed to claim ownership of your property and territory.

How you stand up to this type of aggression is to look the creep in the eye and tell them to knock it off. You can tell them to get the hell out of your chair or off your car. Or, you can tell them to keep their paws off your notebook or get out of your parking space.

But whatever you do, don’t ignore it. Why? Because you will only reward their behavior, and they’ll only continue to violate your boundaries.

6. Social/Relational

This also falls into the psycho/emotional category because it causes sadness and distress. Social discord. This includes gossiping, spreading rumors and lies, and launching smear campaigns.

Social bullies have oversized egos. They use these tactics to lower your social status and raise theirs.

How you respond to this is to confront the creep face-to-face. Call out the behavior and do it in front of an audience. If people believe the lies and rumors, they see them as a revelation of who they are. If friends believe it, then find new friends.

7. Sexual

This type of bullying involves sexual comments and inappropriate touching. For example, the creep may grope you. They might grab your breast, behind, or crotch. Or, they may run their hand up your skirt.

Sexual comments include remarks about your private areas or sexual activity. For example, the aggressor may say, “you’d **** anything that moves.” Or they may tell you that you have a nice behind.

Whatever they do, you can respond by telling them to get lost or deliver a humiliating burn. This will likely make them think twice before repeating the behavior.

8. Gatekeeper Bullying

This type of bullying typically occurs in the workplace. However, it can happen anywhere, such as at school, in the neighborhood, or even within the family. Gatekeepers take control over resources, time, materials, information, and chance opportunities.

They can be individuals or groups. They’re the type who specialize in letting only certain people in and keeping others out of the loop.

They do this to limit your choices and opportunities because they deem you unworthy of them. Why? Because they either dislike you or hate you.

However, you can stand up to this kind of aggression by avoiding this person and accessing what you need from people you can trust.

9. Bullying By Proxy

These types of aggressors use other people to bully you. They may use the secret admirer bait and tell you that the proxy likes you right in front of him to get him to insult and humiliate you in public.

Or they may bait others by telling them that you said something bad about them. Either way, they get other people to harass you because they don’t have the balls to do it themselves.

Therefore, you must respond to this by calling the instigator out and standing up to the proxies who fall for their garbage.

10. Cyber-Bullying

This type of aggression is carried out through electronic means. Cyberbullies use mean and threatening texts, incendiary posts, cruel or sexual memes, and revenge porn to troll and humiliate their victims.

Please realize that these are the most cowardly creeps of all, and they stalk and attack you online to get a reaction out of you. Therefore, don’t respond to them… at all!

Instead, use the SBRE method: Screenshot, block, report, then expose. This quickly eliminates cyber trolls!

11. Reactive Bullying

Reactive bullying is the type of bullying that victims do when they’re fed up with being targeted. Again, bullying throws you into survival mode. Therefore, it’s perfectly understandable to bully the bully back when they attack you, but it’s not necessarily the wisest thing to do.

The reason is that bullies will find ways to make you look like the instigator. Therefore, it’s best to stay calm and respond with short, smart-alecky comebacks instead. You can find a list of good comebacks here.

In Conclusion

Sadly, many reality shows glamorize bullying today. And people still buy into the old myths about bullies and targets. If nothing else, know this – bullying is abuse. Therefore, you have a right to defend yourself against it. The best way to protect yourself is to gather evidence first. For example, you can keep a journal of the abuse. Once you’ve gathered all your proof, then present it when you report it.

Bullying is also dangerous. It throws you into survival mode and keeps you there. It causes trauma that can last a lifetime.

It is the number one cause of suicides and school shootings. 

Know that you are not alone. There are many stories of bullying you can look up to prove that there are others who endure it too. Also, realize that it’s not about you, it’s about them.

And lastly, do your research on bullying. Realize that males and females bully differently in most cases. So, be ready for tactics from both sexes. I promise you that it will be a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. And you won’t feel so alone. Moreover, once you know the statistics, you won’t feel so different.

Bullying happens everywhere, at school, at work, and in the home. You can find out more facts about bullying here.

This post was all about bullying so that you can know what it is and recognize it when it happens to you.

Related post you’ll enjoy:

1. Incivility vs Bullying

2. Sexual Bullying: Bullied Girls and Sexual Harassment in School

3. Imbalance of Power in Bullying: 3 Sources of Power for Bullies

4. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

5. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

bully-victims reddit

Bully-Victims: 4 Reasons Victims of Bullying Often Become Bullies

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‘Want to know about bully-victims and reasons victims of bullying may resort to bullying those even weaker than them? Here’s everything about this phenomenon you need to know.

bully-victims

It’s hard to have empathy when you suffer constant bullying. Targets of bullying often get accused of being selfish and out for their own interests. However, anytime we are hurting so badly, it only blunts our capacity to feel for others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bully-victims and why they may choose to bully those even weaker than themselves. You will also understand that, if you fall into this category, you can stop the behavior and handle the bullying you suffer more constructively.

Once you learn all about this vital information, you’ll be better able to spot a bully-victim or recognize the behavior in yourself and make changes.

This post is all about bully-victims, so you can recognize the behavior and identify victims who might have become bullies themselves and keep yourself from becoming one.

Bully-Victims

Anytime a person suffers severe and relentless bullying for so long, their pain overrides any ability to empathize with those around them, who may also be hurting.

Your pain is so great, it’s like lying in the emergency room with both legs broken after a car accident. The pain is so intense that you couldn’t care less about the patient in the next room. All you’re thinking of is how soon a doctor will see you and order a pain reliever.

I tell you this because it happened to me. When I was a target of bullying in school, two girls in my class died in a horrific car crash during the eleventh grade. As much as I hate admitting it today, I could not have cared less about it back then.

Naturally, I don’t feel the same today. Now, decades later, I’m sorry that happened to them. At the time it happened, I had absolutely no heart for the girls. I even had the attitude that it had served them right. I thought that maybe I’d get lucky and a few more bullies would drop dead soon.

I’m so glad that this attitude changed once I had my first child. I became sorry that those girls lost their lives. It’s funny how quickly you mature once you become a parent.

Back in school, I did not have it in me to care.

After a person endures bullying for a long time, they can become cold toward others. As a result, it will only bring about resentment from people who might otherwise offer love and support.

Therefore, if you are a target of bullying in school or at work, never let it take away your humanity. It won’t be easy, but do your level best to hold on to your empathy.

Bully-Victims:

Sometimes Bullied People Bully People

Bullying hurts. It’s not the physical beatings in the locker room. It isn’t people tripping you in the hallways, nor having your books knocked out of your arms. It isn’t the name-calling and threats, nor the rumors, lies, and smear campaigns. And it’s not the cruel jokes and pranks.

It’s the cumulative sum of all of it.

It leaves you with a sense that you’ve lost all control over your life. It is as if you no longer get a say in what happens to you. Bully-victims feel they have power over nothing!

Therefore, they become desperate – desperate to have power over something, anything! You soon begin to bully those who are even more vulnerable than you are.

Through your own victimization, you quickly learn that to keep from being so powerless, you must bully too. Therefore, by bullying you, bullies unwittingly teach you how to bully.

This is why we call these people bully-victims. Because they are both bullies and victims of other bullies, they bully to feel better about themselves and to ascend a few rungs up the social ladder.

On the other hand, pure bullies are individuals who don’t get bullied by others.

Bully-Victims:

Both Bullies and Victims.

Bully-victims are both bullies and victims of bullying by other bullies. And they bully far more than the pure bullies do because they have more to prove.

Bully victims are far more hated and ostracized than pure bullies or pure victims. They’re lonelier and have few friends or none at all.

Bully-victims often resort to trickery and deceit. Many are pathological liars, cheats, fakes, and sneaks. They believe that humans are the lowest form of life on earth. Bully-victims tend to be Machiavellian. I certainly was.

Understand that bully-victims need help. They need someone to get it through their heads that just because people are bullying them doesn’t make it okay to bully someone else.

However, we must tell them lovingly and with patience. Why? Because they’re hurting inside and need someone to listen to them and gently guide them in the right direction.

It’s easy to become a bully when you’re a target of bullying.

It’s too easy! Because after others bully you for so long, you search for ways to buffer the pain. You search for a band-aid, any band-aid, even if it’s temporary!

Many targets become bullies themselves because they’re just plain tired of being powerless. They desire to have control over something —or someone. We all want to be in control of something because to have power over nothing is the very definition of hell!

And nothing renders you as powerless as being bullied by everyone. Once you become completely helpless, you’ll start looking for instant gratification and do anything to achieve some sense of power.

Again, in their cruel treatment of you, your bullies teach you that bullying another person is what it takes. You’ll think that it’s the only way to achieve that sense of control and to climb the social ladder.

Finding a victim of your own gives you the sense that you’re not on the bottom of the pecking order anymore. And you think, “Why not? It’s working for them (the bullies), so it should work for me too.”

The problem with this is that bullies are cowardly and pathetic. Therefore, if you bully someone else, it shows that you’re no better than they are!

Bully-Victims:

If you bully others because people bully you, you’re no better than your bullies.

In fact, it proves that you’re worse because you know firsthand how it feels and should know better. You must realize that no one else would feel any different from you if it were happening to them.

In fact, they may not be as resilient as you are and end up taking their own lives. Their blood would be on your hands!

I’m ashamed and sorry to have to tell you, but I did the same thing during my school days. Because I felt utterly powerless, I began to bully people I thought were weaker than me. I own that, and I have remorse for it now.

Take it from someone who’s tried it. If you become a bully and attack others, you may get a rush of power. However, it will last only briefly because it wears off quickly.

Then, you’ll be back to square one and looking for the next rush. You’ll seek your victim out again and again because you’ll always feel you must have more! It’s no different than having a drug addiction!

If bullying doesn’t come naturally to you, it will only eat away at your conscience!

I implore you! Instead of bullying people who look like prey, align with them. Become their friend and their protector. I guarantee you! You’ll feel much better about yourself.

More importantly, you’ll make a positive difference in their lives, and there’s no better feeling than that! Knowing that you’ve helped someone and made life better for them is more rewarding than you realize!

Realizing that you were possibly the difference that kept that person from ending their own life is a feeling so wonderful, words can’t describe it! I promise you!

Bully-Victims:

Here are 4 Reasons Victims of Bullying Become Bullies.

There are reasons victims of bullying become bullies. However, reasons are not excuses.

1. To get the negative spotlight off them and onto someone else.

“Don’t look at me, look at him!” This is why victims will bully someone else. If they can take the negative spotlight off themselves, they will anytime they get the chance.

As long as bullies are targeting someone else, they’re leaving you alone. Therefore, you bully someone else, hoping to divert the bully’s attention to the other victim.

2. So that they don’t feel like they’re the only ONES picked on.

No bullied victim wants to be the only one. It feels much better when someone else is being bullied right along with you. Misery loves company, and having someone to share your suffering provides a sense of comfort.

When someone else is being bullied like you are, your situation doesn’t feel so isolated. Therefore, the bullying becomes easier to bear. Why?

Because the bullying feels less like an individual defect. Therefore, it lessens some of the shame and isolation that often accompany being bullied. Also, when you see someone else enduring the same treatment, it validates your feelings and experiences.

It makes you feel stronger because you share something in common with the other person who endures bullying.

Bully-victims want that commonality with someone… anyone. It’s why they create other victims by bullying those who are weaker than they are.

3. Bully-Victims:

To Feel Like They Still HAVE a Little Bit of Power Left.

These kids bully because they are being bullied themselves, either in the home, at school, or both. They feel powerless. So, to reclaim some of the power, they seek out someone even weaker and bully them.

These individuals have a strong need to be in control of something in their lives. For example, a child is yelled at by his parents. Then he gets mad and kicks the dog. This is why I call this “Kicking the Dog.”

That child has lost control. So, he tries to create that sense of power by victimizing the dog.

4. To keep for being at the bottom of the social hierarchy.

No one wants to be at the bottom of the pecking order. As the age-old saying goes, To avoid being at the bottom, these types often find someone else to bully, so they don’t think they’re the ones stuck in the basement.

Again, nobody wants to be on the bottom. Everybody wants to be better than somebody. It’s a sad part of human nature.

“Shit rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.” Therefore, just as people are fighting like the devil to stay on top, others struggle just as hard to keep off the bottom.

Person A at the top bullies Person B, who is second from the top. Person B then bullies Person C, and so on. And down the pecking order, the nastiness rolls until it lands on Person Z at the bottom.

Then, everyone bullies Person Z because Person Z is defenseless! There’s no one for Person Z to bully because he’s the one with the least power of all the others.

Bully-victims:

No one wants to be on the bottom.

Anyone on the bottom is going to catch hell because they’re powerless. And others will do their best to keep the designated bottom-rat at the bottom because no one wants that position.

Therefore, everyone keeps Z down to ensure that none of them ever takes Z’s place.
That’s how it works, folks!

As long as someone else is on the bottom, it keeps you and everyone else safe from being there. It’s why bully-victims get bullied by pure bullies, then go on to select their own victims to degrade and humiliate.

However, most of the time, this doesn’t turn out well. Because sometimes, bully-victims become worse off than pure bullies or pure victims.

I tell you this because I did the same thing. I also became a bully after other bullies had harmed me for so long and stripped me of all my power. And I admit this today with tremendous sadness and remorse. I didn’t like myself very much back then. However, I’m glad that I don’t need to resort to such behavior today.

In Closing:

Remember that, if people bully you, you don’t have to become a bully yourself to survive or reclaim your power. There are better ways to take back control of your life.

I’ve found that the best way to do that is to befriend other victims of bullying and provide the support they need. It may not seem like it, but you aren’t the only one your bullies bully. There are others.

Find out who those people are and become the friend they need. Then, you both win!

This post is all about bully-victims so that you can recognize it in yourself and make the needed changes.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When the Bullied Become Bullies

2. Bullying Survival Mode: 5 Things Victims of Bullying Do Wrong 

sexual bullying in schools

Sexual Bullying: Bullied Girls and Sexual Harassment in School

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‘Want to know about sexual bullying? Here are all the details you need to know about.

sexual bullying

Sexual bullying is real, and it usually happens to bullied women and girls. Females who are chronically bullied especially suffer from it. Why? Because people have bullied them for so long that they’ve grown comfortable abusing them.

And, because they never faced accountability for it, they know that they’ll get away with sexually harassing these girls, too.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about sexual bullying and what constitutes it.

Once you learn these crucial details, you will be able to better defend yourself from it.

This post is all about sexual bullying so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.

Sexual Bullying

Often, when a girl is a target of bullying, the torment she suffers leaves her wide open for sexual harassment. And, sadly, this isn’t discussed enough.

The harassment can range from inappropriate and embarrassing comments to unwanted physical touching. I’m female and am writing this post from a female perspective. However, I realize that this can happen to bullied young men as well, though not often.

What it’s like for a bullied female to endure sexual harassment

I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard from other female victims and survivors of bullying. And I can relate to them.

Numerous times, my bullies subjected me to this type of behavior when I was in junior high and high school. Young creeps on the bus would sneakily run a hand up my skirt. Boys in the lunch line, who stood behind me, would grab a handful of my behind.

The males who bullied me would make sexual comments. It was enough to make me sick!

As any woman or girl knows, when people hurl sexual comments at you, grope, and feel you up, it leaves you feeling cheap and violated.

Why do we blame ourselves?

If you have ever suffered this kind of bullying, your first thought is to blame yourself. You automatically wonder what you did to bring it about.

  • “Was my dress too short?”
  • “Were my jeans too tight?”
  • “Did I have on too much makeup?”

It feels bad enough when you blame yourself. But it’s worse when others do it.

What happens when you endure Sexual Bullying

If you are a female victim of bullying, several things can happen after male bullies harass you sexually.

1. other girls will blame you for it.

Even worse is when other girls side with the creeps and blame you for their disgusting behavior.
This happens all the time, but most girls are silent about it.

Other girls may see the male bully touch you inappropriately. However, they will only assume that you “must have done something to make him do it.” They will say that somehow, you “asked for it.”

2. You will attract jealousy from the creep’s girlfriend and her friends.

If the male bully who groped you in the hallway has a girlfriend. She won’t place her anger where it belongs. Oh, no. Even if he does it right in front of her, she won’t yell at him for it. Why? Because, in most cases, these creeps’ girlfriends don’t want to risk pissing them off and losing them.

Instead, the girlfriend will accuse you of trying to steal her boyfriend. She may call you a slut. She may tell her friends that you’re a cheap whore and try to ruin your good name.

All the while, the pig who violated you walks away free as a bird. This only doubles the victimization. It’s no different from the aftermath that a rape victim goes through!

Sexual Bullying:

Other girls will also sexually harass you.

Believe it or not, female bullies can also sexually harass their female victims. Only they do it in different ways. Girls sexually harass other girls by verbal means. They make vicious comments such as,

  • “Nobody will $%#! you.”
  • “I’ll bet you’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
  • ”You’d $%&# anything that moves!”
  • “Your _____ smells like a sewer!”

These are only a few, and I’ve heard worse. Sometimes, the other girls will encourage the male bullies to harass you sexually. Afterwards, they will turn it around on you, calling you a whore, slut, take your pick.

In school, I knew another bullied girl who others referred to as “Tuna Fish.” I’ll say no more.

Sexually Humiliating Comments

Understand that any time people bully a female, they make the most unspeakable comments and remarks. Moreover, they’re bold enough to do it to her face.

They’re so horrible and explicit that you don’t dare repeat them by mouth, much less write them in a book or article. There is no limit to the low that sexual bullies will sink.

These bullies can invent the raunchiest and raciest epithets. They can come up with the dirtiest, most vile, hurtful, and demeaning comments and actions.

Anyone who hasn’t been on the receiving end of it would be shocked if they heard or saw some of the things a bullied girl has. Bullies show a side to their victims they would never in a million years reveal to anyone else.

Sexual Bullying:

Victims of bullying usually learn about human cruelty early.

Objects of bullying witness firsthand the shocking evil and cruelty of which people are capable. They see the absolute darkest sides of the human character.

When bullied girls are sexually harassed, they stay silent. And, they do it for good reasons.

You must realize that bullies are experts at fooling bystanders and authority. They are highly skilled at manipulating a social infrastructure.

Bullies are also aware that if the victim reports such abuse, others will not believe her. Why? Because the same bullies have meticulously ruined her once good reputation.

Who’s going to take the word of someone with a notoriously bad name? Who’s going to believe a “slut” or a “whore” when she reports sexual harassment?

Understand that bullies will only show the worst sides of their characters to their victims and no one else. And why not? To bullies, the victim is both inferior and powerless.

When a person believes that you are inferior and powerless, they couldn’t care less about what you think of them. As far as they’re concerned, any opinions you have are irrelevant.

Whereas, anyone the bullies see as equals or superiors will only see the best sides of their character.

Here are the characteristics of sexual bullying:

1. Sexual Comments

Both males and females may make sexual comments toward you. Sexual remarks are those that mention sexual acts or sexual body parts. They can also be remarks that may not necessarily mention but imply sexual acts and anatomy.

For example, one of your bullies may tell you, “You’d spread your legs to anyone, wouldn’t you?”

But, make no mistake, your bully is sexually harassing you, and you have a right to stand up to it. And, how you stand up to it is to speak out.

2. Groping

Groping includes putting their hands up your dress or grabbing your breasts, behind, or genitals. If nothing else, remember this! No one has the right to touch you inappropriately. In fact, they don’t have the right to put their hands on you at all!

3. Sexual Name-Calling

Bullies shame female targets for their looks, femininity, and virtues. They call you names like “hoe,””whore,” “slut”, and other names that attack you as a woman.

They may even call you the c-word. Therefore, you must realize that when they do this, they are sexually harassing you.

Here’s how you handle male bullies who put their hands on you.

Therefore, call them out on it. Better yet, haul off and punch them as hard as you can. If your bully is male and he hits you for it, play the woman card! Point out that he just hit a woman and that he is a pathetic coward for it.

Sexual Bullying:

No matter what they tell you, you are not to blame.

Sexual bullying and harassment are wrong, no matter who deals it and who it is aimed at.

If you are a bullied female, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that it isn’t your fault. You are not responsible for someone else’s rotten behavior.

Know that you never asked for that kind of behavior, nor brought any of it on yourself.
If you are bullied and endure sexual harassment, do not take any blame for it. And for goodness’ sake, don’t be afraid to report it!

They may not listen to you. However, there’s also no way they can avoid hearing you. Again, you have a right to report sexual harassment. No one has the right to harass you!

The abuse won’t last forever

Know that the abuse you suffer will not last forever. The bullying will eventually stop. And, one day, if you hold on to your confidence and goodness, others will love and respect you.

Realize that this challenging period is only one chapter in your life, not the entire book. You too can overcome and move on to love, happiness, and success.

Just don’t give up! You are beautiful! You are a great person despite what others may tell you or how they may treat you. And some people love you and care for you!

This post is all about sexual bullying so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Female Bullies: 7 Reasons They Bully Other Women and Girls

2. Bullying Statistics Male vs Female: How Males and Females Bully

3. A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for