Blaming the Victim: Reasons Bullies Make You-Statements.

November 11, 2025October 31, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know how bullies go about blaming the victim? Here are all the signs to look for.

Have you noticed how bullies always seem to make “you” statements? You this, and you that; “you always” this, and “you never” that. You, you, you!

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to recognize blaming the victim so that you can adequately respond when your bullies try to blame you for their atrocious behavior.

Once you learn all this crucial information, you will be a pro at recognizing victim-blaming when you see it.

This post is all about blaming the victim so that you can avoid taking blame for behavior that isn’t your fault.

Blaming the Victim

“You made me mad!” “You made me hit you!” The thing is, these statements are so transparent and so telling.

They speak volumes about the bullies and nothing about you. Why? Because they are hallmarks of the typical abuser- accusation and blame.

Here are a few common you-statements bullies make.

“You lie all the time!”
“You always bitch and complain about everything!”
“You’re (clueless, ugly, mentally imbalanced, a liar, a wuss, etc.)!”
“You can’t leave well enough alone!”
“You’re a chicken!”
“You couldn’t find your ass with both hands!”
“You’ll never amount to anything!”
“You just keep pushing it!”
“You’re always trying to start something!”
“You always blow everything out of proportion!”
“You bring it all on yourself!”
“You always have to screw everything up!”

And the list is endless.

Blaming the Victim:

Bullies will always point the finger at you. Expect it.

Know that these you-statements are designed to blame you for their shameless behavior. Also, bullies blame you to tear you down and keep you there.

Bullies make these you-statements to strip you of your rights to defend yourself. They do it to take away your personal power.

Therefore, you must counter those accusations and turn them back on the bully. How to do this is by simply saying, “No, I’m not, YOU are!” or “No, I don’t! YOU do!” Then dismiss the bully and walk away.

The bully might argue back, but the important thing is that you’ve made your point. And you walk away, leaving the bully standing there, running their mouth. In that, you make them look both desperate and foolish.

“You Made me” and “You Make Me” Statements

Survivors, when you were bullied, did your bully ever justify their horrific treatment? Did they make statements such as, “You ‘made me’ do it!”?

I’ll bet that you have. Bullies often make the following statements to justify their behavior and intimidate you into staying silent.

“You ‘made me’ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
“You ‘make’ people want to hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ mad!”
“You make me hate you!”

These are all statements bullies use to gaslight you. They want to brainwash you into believing that their behavior is your fault.

They need you to believe that you somehow provoke them to act the way they do. That you made them lash out.

Blaming the Victim:

Personal Experience

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard these kinds of accusations from my classmates. And I must admit, it was very hurtful and intimidating.

However, I look back now and realize this was only my bullies’ way of shifting the blame onto me. Why?

Because they were so afraid that I would call them out on their terrible behavior. And they were scared that others would see them for the creeps they truly were. They also wanted to maintain the upper hand.

The keywords in these sentences are either “you,” “made,” or “make,” and they are very telling if you really stop and think about it.

There are many reasons bullies resort to blaming the victim.

Blaming the Victim:

Organized Physical Attacks.

Organized physical attacks may also be used in school to blame you for their abuse. What do I mean? Here it is.

They may stage fights with you and other people. This is designed to bait you. For instance, they may go to the others and tell them that you said something bad about them. And you probably didn’t. In fact, you probably don’t know the person.

Nevertheless, you have people you don’t know confronting you and threatening physical harm. And, sooner or later, one of them attacks you. Then, a week later, another person physically assaults you.

A month later, another person jumps you. And these attacks repeat themselves until people begin looking at you with suspicion. Why? Because the fights always seem to involve you.

Others can’t help but think, “Why would so many people want to junk Jackie is she isn’t provoking them somehow?”

But! If nothing else, understand this right now! That’s the idea! If you are in this kind of predicament, this is precisely what your bullies were counting on! It was the plan all along!

But why? What do your bullies hope to gain from this?

1. To Destroy your credibility

If they can get different individuals at different times to physically attack you, they can cast suspicion on you. Moreover, they can turn even your friends against you. If you’re the one who’s always fighting, you look like the violent one.

This happens regularly to targets in schools, workplaces, and communities. Many times, this is how bullies retaliate against victims who have the gall to stand up to them.

Bullies hate it when you begin refusing to take their abuse.

2. Blaming the Victim:

To protect one another

Bullies run in packs, and they usually single out only one person. There is strength in numbers. Therefore, they do it to protect one another from being labeled and getting a bad reputation. Also, they blame you to stay out of trouble.

Most who have been in school have at least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal. However, too many fights, provoked or unprovoked, risk labeling victims as “troublemakers.”

3. to destroy your reputation with those in authority.

Destroying your name with the staff lessens any chances of anyone listening to you if you report the bullying. Bullies can’t risk you running and “snitching” on them.

Therefore, this protects them from discipline at school or work. Moreover, it allows them the freedom to do whatever they want to you whenever they feel like it.

So, they also use this tactic to silence you and make you afraid to report the bullying.

If you are a victim of bullying, expect those kinds of tactics. But understand that these are classic methods bullies use to shift the blame your way.

It also prevents them from losing power over you. If they can bully you freely, without the possibility of facing consequences, then you’re completely powerless.

4. Blaming the Victim:

To shift everyone’s focus from their actions to your reactions.

This is also a classic bully move. Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it.

And they do this to make you ashamed of defending yourself. Moreover, they want you to doubt your own judgment.

Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that you’ll shut your mouth.

5. Trivializing Your pain.

“It’s not that bad.” “Aw! It’s not the end of the world.” How many gave you one of these responses when you reported bullying and abuse or spoke out about it?

Understand that bullies say these things to trivialize your pain. Therefore, don’t fall for that garbage! Your bullies aren’t the ones on the receiving end of the abuse. You are!

Again, don’t let them gaslight you!

6. Blaming the Victim:

Suggesting that you had it coming.

Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. It’s just another way to say that you made them do it.

They’ll make statements, such as,

“You had it coming for a long time and you finally got it!”
“You asked for it.”
“You were cruisin’ for a bruisin’”

All you-statements. However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to justify their abuse.

Think about this. If they can make you look like you asked for it, then they get off Scot free. Moreover, they can make themselves look like innocent victims who were only reacting to something you did.

7. Implying that you must have provoked the bully.

This is usually done by witnesses and authority members who side with bullies. For example, you’re bullied at school and you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”

Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.

8. Blaming the Victim:

Asking you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

School staff and workplace managers are also guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put it off on you. Don’t let them do it!

Call them out on it! Let them know that you see through it and you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior but your own! And when you say it, mean it.

And there’s always a way to bust the bullies who try to shift blame onto you this way:

Counter the bully’s “you made me ” statement and say this: “No! I didn’t make you do a damn thing! You did that all on your own!”

Say it point-blank and with conviction. If possible, say it in front of an audience. Call the bully out, and more than likely, you’ll protect your good name from being further tarnished.

This post was all about blaming the victim and the different tactics so that you will know what to expect and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

when bullies lose power over you in school

When Bullies Lose Power Over You: 4 Things that Happen

November 7, 2025October 31, 20256 Comments

What happens when bullies lose power over you? Discover 3 things that happen when bullies realize they can no longer control you.

In this post, you will learn what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you’ll know what to expect.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be better equipped to prepare for your bullies’ reactions and protect yourself from any reprisals.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can be ready for anything they throw at you.

When Bullies Lose Power

When you take back your power, bullies react in various ways. This is because they feel a sense of dismissal or rejection when you stop letting them control you.

Nobody likes being rejected and dismissed – especially by someone they consider inferior. That’s a blow to the ego like no other!

When you finally dismiss a bully, oh my goodness! They lose it! Why? Because they thought for so long that you were too weak to stand up to them.

Therefore, the minute you finally stood your ground, you snatched your power back and left the bully powerless over you! And now the bully must go through the headache of finding a new target! Gasp!

1. If a bully cannot control you, they will attempt to control how others see you.

There are several reasons they do this. Number 1, they’re afraid that you’ll tell others the truth about them, so they do it to cover their backsides.

Number 2, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself. And number 3, to close you off from any human connection and therefore, any protection.

Bullies know that if they can isolate you, they can reclaim their narrative. They can cut off any protection you might receive, then you are theirs for the taking, and they can move in for the kill.

Now, they can do with you whatever they choose, freely and with impunity. Why? Because if everyone is against you, the less likely they are to help you. Think about it. If everyone else is against you, then, in their minds, you deserve what’s happening to you.

Therefore, they will try to turn others against you.

Bullies want to, figuratively, hold you hostage. And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you “in your place.”

2. When Bullies Lose Power:

They will use physical violence if nothing else works.

Bullies will commit their violence either by assaulting you themselves or sending someone else to do it for them. This does not mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself, because you should.

However, when you do, be prepared. The torment may get worse before it gets better. But be strong. Be brave and know that it isn’t your fault.

3. The power dynamic shifts in your favor

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately reclaim your personal power. Moreover, you put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

You flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle rejection. They feel that they must always be in a position of power in the bully/victim relationship.

A bully gets angry enough when anyone stands up to them. But if the person standing up to them is someone they’ve grown accustomed to having power over, it makes them livid.

You must realize the reason for this. This is because you’re likely at the bottom of the pecking order. So, when you finally buck up and stand up to a bully, you, figuratively, trade places with the bully and put them on the bottom, if only for that moment.

When bullies lose power over you, here are their unspoken messages:

“How dare you!”
“Who is this phlegm-wad to stand up to me? ME!
“This piece of scum is supposed to be under me, and here she is talking to me and acting like she’s OVER me! Oh no! This can’t happen!
Who does this loser think she is!”
“The nerve of that &#$%!”
“She’s making trouble, and now I’ve got to really act out to put her back under me where she belongs!”

**Bullies need raw power!**

Understand that bullies rely on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion to get what they want. And they’ve been steamrolling you for so long that they’ve become quite arrogant and self-satisfied.

Do you know what happens when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and set your foot down? You will throw them off balance. And do you know what else you’ll do?

You’ll blast a huge hole in their ego and shock the hell out of them. And trust me when I tell you. Your bullies will become highly pissed!

In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. If the bully has narcissistic personality disorder (and most bullies do), they will go into a rage.

When bullies lose power over you, be prepared for anything.

If you are a victim of bullying and you finally grow a spine, your bullies will do anything they can to break it. They will escalate the bullying when you first stop accepting it.

Therefore, when you tell bullies to kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority over you. Again, bullies have delicate egos. And when the ego is at stake, people will act out.

Bullies are very prideful, and their pride takes a massive blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than be made inferior, especially to their targets.

4. They become vindictive.

Bullies despise boundaries. When you stand up to your bullies, be prepared for a battle of wills. Your bullies will seek revenge, and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

Realize that they don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. And they don’t care how you’ve suffered.

The only thing they are thinking about at this moment is that you challenged their superiority and authority. In their eyes, you are a victim and nothing else. In other words, you are beneath them.

And, still! You had the nerve to undermine them and make them look like punks. Now you must pay a price for it. This is how bullies think.

But don’t let that stop you from defending yourself, no matter what. You have a right to safety and to be treated with dignity.

You must do what you must to protect yourself.

If the bullying becomes too much to deal with, there’s nothing wrong with leaving the environment. Realize that leaving is not running. It’s not being fearful or “chicken.” It’s self-care, it’s smarts, and it’s self-preservation.

You must do what you must to protect not only your physical health, but also your mental health.

When Bullies Lose Power:

What Happened to me when I had the Chutzpah to Stand up to a Bully

This is precisely what happened when I unfriended an old bully classmate over snide comments on some of my posts. She became furious! She couldn’t stand it! And I’ve got to tell you. I’m laughing as I type this.

This half-crazed woman blew up my inbox. And with such vitriolic rage! Oh, my goodness!

How dare I! The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah of me! O-M-G! I’m such a fake! I’m such a pissy person who deleted her because I got called out! Oooooo! Poor baby! I’m such a weak little bitch who can’t take constructive criticism!

This is what she messaged me before I laughed and pushed that little godsend of a block button. I would’ve pushed the button sooner. However, I had to let it percolate a little.

I was getting a real kick out of her reaction, and I wanted to give her time to shoot herself in the foot. Sure enough, she did.

I took screenshots of her messages—one in which she repeatedly asked, “Why did you delete me?” Then I plastered them all over the internet. The icing on the cake was that some of the other classmates saw the screenshots too and they were shocked.

I exposed her before the eyes of some of her old high school buddies. That’s when that she-bully went even more berserk. And, I have to admit. It was so fun to watch!

I kid you not. There wasn’t enough popcorn in the world!

You see, this woman thought that I was weak in high school. She never bet on the possibility that I had smartened up a little since. So, I went ahead and let her assume what she wanted and trapped her with it.

Therefore, I want you to know that standing up to a bully isn’t as hard as you think. It’s quite easy if you don’t let intense emotions get in your way.

Bullies get their power from getting you emotional. And when you finally come to a place where they can no longer faze you, the better you’ll be able to use your head. You will find some leverage and use it as a weapon.

Understand that when bullies fly into a rage, they can no longer think clearly. That’s when you have the opportunity to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can know what to expect when you finally stand your ground.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

when victims of bullying snap on their bullies

When Victims of Bullying Snap: What Really Happens?

November 4, 2025October 31, 20256 Comments

‘Want to know what happens when victims of bullying snap? Here is what happens when victims of bullying get fed up with the abuse.

Many victims become so fed up that they blow up on their bullies and beat the brakes off them. I’ve seen it happen, and it isn’t pretty.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what happens when victims of bullying snap and why they do it. This is so that you will not only recognize when you’re about to snap, but also when another victim is about to explode.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to stop it before it happens.

This post is all about what happens when victims of bullying snap, so that you can get a handle on it before you lose control of your emotions.

When Victims of Bullying Snap

Oftentimes, victims endure bullying for so long that the sadness builds until it turns to rage. People can only be pushed so far. And when someone pushes you over the limit, you snap and get out of character.

No one can endure bullying and abuse and stay quiet and polite forever. Human beings have their breaking point. And when a victim reaches their limit, things can become dangerous very quickly.

your give-a-damn has burst

If you are a victim of bullying, you will eventually get fed up with people’s crap. Then…BOOM! You snap at someone who pushed you over your limit.

Believe me, I understand, and if this has happened with you, I cannot fault you for it. I empathize with you wholeheartedly.

It’s not that you want to fight. In fact, you hate fighting. However, if you’re a 5’4”, 120 lb. teenage girl with a target on her back, what do you do? Stand there and let them jump you?

Like most targets, I too hated to fight, but there were times I didn’t have a choice. It was either fight or let them beat me within an inch of my life.

Not only would the girls try to jump me, but the guys would too. And sadly, most of those redneck brutes had no qualms or reservations about beating up on a female. It did not matter if she was little.

Some of them even threatened me with a knife or a box-cutter. Amazingly, I got out of there alive.

When Victims of Bullying Snap:

What happens when you reach your breaking point?

Short answer? You snap! That’s what bullying does to you if you don’t have the proper tools to deal with it. Bullying gives you paranoia and makes you desperate.

It puts you in survival mode! In scientific terms, it rewires your brain to always prepare for a hostile environment. It also awakens your primal instinct for self-preservation.

A victim of bullying lives on adrenaline. They must always be on alert. In other words, they must grow eyes in the back of their head.

To be a victim of bullying is to constantly prepare yourself for danger every time you turn a corner. However, after so long, this gets exhausting.

This comes from personal experiences.

I cannot count the times in school I showed my booty to people after taking all I could take. And there were times I didn’t just let off a little stream, I blew a gasket!

Understand that the longer you are bullied, the more the pressure builds. The sense of injustice! The sadness and rage! It all piles up, and, before you know it, you snap!

Again, we are all human. No one can hold it all inside forever; it doesn’t matter how resilient they are. It’s not humanly possible.

You’re like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken up until it finally spews. Like a dormant volcano that finally awakens, you erupt when that last creep crosses your boundaries.

Some people, you scare half to death. Others, you piss off even more and make them twice as determined to get you. And a few see your tirade as personal entertainment.

I did that a few times back when I was being bullied and abused at school.

There were times I’d yell, curse the bullies out, throw stuff, and slam doors. I would tell people to get the eff away from me and not to come back around, and I admit it. I showed the worst sides of myself on a few occasions.

When Victims of Bullying Snap:

Brutal Fights

I remember grabbing one girl by the hair and beating the living snot out of her in the library. This happened after she’d spent the last several months getting in my face and spouting taunts.

Another bully received the business end of a fist after attempting to shove me down a flight of stairs. I remember running back up the stairs and whacking her upside the head with a fist.

The second time I struck her, it was with my purse, then a textbook. I hit her with everything I had in my arms at the time.

The next thing I remember is dragging her down the stairs. As I pulled her down the steps, she hit and bounced off every step. “Thump, thump, thump, thump… “

Once I got her to the bottom, I beat and kicked her until a teacher and three other students pried me off her. These were only two of the many incidents that occurred during those years.

You end up doing things you regret later.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I’m proud of. Each time this happened, I remember feeling terrible about it after everything cooled off.

No decent person wants to lose their composure and act foolishly. However, when you’ve been pushed for so long, there comes an eventual breaking point.

Yes, I got into fist fights. I won some fights, but I also lost a few.

When Victims of Bullying Snap:

It becomes a cycle.

Sadly, it all seemed to be a cycle. After getting bullied and bullied for several months, I’d snap. Some of the tiredness even bled over into my home life.

Sadly, when bullies have worn you down, you’re too exhausted to even be there for the people you love. Bullying causes you to run out of patience and energy.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. So, you just don’t give a crap about anything or anybody. All you want is to be left alone.

Looking back, I realize that I didn’t handle the bullying correctly. Therefore, you must understand that if you don’t set boundaries early, this is what happens. It’s why we have so many school shootings.

Again, it’s because most victims don’t handle bullying the right way.

Setting Boundaries can help you stay calm and handle bullying in a healthy way.

Today, I’m a much calmer and happier person than I used to be. Why? Because I’m more assertive and I set boundaries.

Here’s what I do if I say no or ask someone to please stop doing something and they continue: I either tell them to leave right then, or I walk away after telling the person exactly what I think of them. I then cut them out of my life.

You cannot control another person’s behavior. However, you do have control over how you react to it. You have the power to choose whether to continue having them in your life or send them packing.

Therefore, show them the door. Fast! Once you refuse to associate with them, they no longer have easy access to you. Therefore, it’s not nearly as easy for them to get to you and harm you.

Never allow people to bully you and get out of control with their abuse. Speak out when people violate your boundaries.

And do it from day one. It’s the only way to keep the pressure from building and reaching a boiling point.

When Victims of Bullying Snap:

Stand up for yourself.

I cannot stress enough the importance of standing up for yourself and doing it the right way. And timing is everything. You must do it in the early stages—the moment the bullying starts.

Why? Because if you don’t, your life will turn into a constant battle. You will react the wrong way. You will give over more and more of your power until you become powerless. Then, you will become angry and bitter. You may lash out at others.

Your reputation will plummet. As a result, others will mistake you for a bully when you’re only defending yourself.

This is why many victims who fight back are mistaken for bullies. When you take abuse for a long time and then snap, you have a hard time with people. In fact, you have difficulty with life in general. And it can ruin your future.

You can avoid this by standing up to bullies and practicing confident body language.

In closing

If this is similar to how your life is going, I cannot stress enough the importance of seeking help. Please don’t give up on yourself. There is still time to turn it around. You still have hope. You can make positive changes in your life.

The purpose of this post was to give you the information you need to recognize when you are headed toward your breaking point and provide ways to reverse course.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

Reactive Bullying: What is It?

Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Easy Strategies

How to Deal with Physical Bullies

Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident