Let’s face it. Conflict is a part of life and something we all encounter at many points in our lives. Many targets and survivors of bullying are deathly afraid of conflict. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them in the past by bullies who just refused to let them be. Also, many targets and survivors are traumatized by the bullying they presently suffer or from past bullying.
Understand that these poor souls haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have, and they don’t yet know their worth and the good they deserve. Many targets and survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this, they’re still stuck in survival mode.
As a result, target’s cave in and give in to bullies to appease them just so they’ll shut the hell up and go away. And people do get tired of hearing self-entitled and self-indulgent bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.
So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!”
I can understand why targets and survivors end up being this way. It’s because a person gets exhausted when they’re constantly have to battle and struggle to take back their autonomy, their self-determination, their personal power, their safety, their dignity, and their right to exist. They get worn down, they get weary, and all they want is for people to leave them alone and let them have some peace.
However, this can become a problem. If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, people will soon mistake you for being weak and they’ll walk all over you. You must set boundaries. There are times when you must say no. There are even times when you may have to show your ugly side to get your point across and let people know that no means no and enough is enough.
Understand that this requires guts. It means you must step out of your comfort zone and take risks. You must risk hurting others’ feelings and making people angry. You must risk being lashed out at and retaliated against. Moreover, you must also risk losing relationships and no, none of it feels good.
In short, you must stand up for yourself and that means facing conflict.
Think of it this way, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re going to face conflict no matter what because people will bring the conflict to you. Hiding from it does no good because it will eventually find you. When you are a target of bullying, conflict is unavoidable and certain.
In other words, run from conflict and you’ll end up running from it for the rest of your life!
So, why not face it head on, better yet embrace it and stand up to people, then you can feel better about yourself later knowing that you finally grew a spine and told them where to shove it. You may face retaliation for it, but you would face it anyway because, right or wrong, bullies will always find some justification for attacking you.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Cherie, you tend to know what I need to read on a daily basis to reinforce my own budding beliefs, it is getting uncanny. It took a long time for me to get to this realization, that no matter what I do, I will be Bullied for it. I also realized that no matter what others wanted or tried to manipulate me into, I need to look out for me. I have been doing just that and I feel so much better for it. Thank you for all you do!
You’re most welcome, Stella! You don’t know how glad I am that this is helping you. I’m so proud of you for getting your life back! 💓
I’m still a wimp, but I’m better at asserting myself than I used to be. I’m able to complain and demand at least half the time, instead of never 😊
At least you’re making progress, Jim! That’s a good thing! 😊
I’m relating this with the President of Ukraine.
This can be related to him yes. But it ca also be related to all areas of life- school, family, on the job, etc.
Wow
Engaging article with great strategies. Avoiding conflict with people is something I have done all my life and still struggle with today. I think most of this is down to having a highly sensitive personality and having to deal with the acute stress and anxiety that often accompanies conflict. Luckily I’m blessed with a partner and friends that are very understanding and supportive. 🙂🥰
Thank you so much for sharing this, Paul. I used to struggle with avoidance of conflict when I was young and it was because of all the bullying I suffered. The only thing it got me was walked on and I had to face conflict before people started treating me better. I’m so happy for you that you have a partner and friends who love you enough to stand by you. 💖
This was me for a long time.
I can relate, Michael. It was me too when I was young.
Ugh I can so relate. I’m a very oddly anti-social, social person. I love not being around too many people because less people = less drama (less conflict) and at the same time I also like being around people because they help fulfill my needs to be social. It’s a complicated tug of war but it’s taught me to keep my inner circle small and tight. I have certain people I’ll do anything for… and then there’s everybody else. ❤️
Ah, you’re an Ambivert like me! And I don’t blame you. I keep my circle small too and it’s much safer. 💖
Yes it is!
Great thoughts.
Thank you so much, Molly! 💖🤗😊
A lot of what I thought was being peace-loving was actually me being conflict-averse. And it always came with a cost of giving up my truth. That never works and brings a lot of suffering. It took me a while to learn not to be afraid of conflict, and live true to myself.
Your story sounds so much like mine. You end up stuffing so much of yourself down and it feels so stifling- like you’re unable to breathe! I’m so glad you eventually found the importance of living your truth! I’m so proud of you! 😊🤗 Thank you so much for sharing this because so many others, including myself, can relate! 💖
“like you’re unable to breathe!” – yess!!! My pleasure and privilege truly.
💖🌻🌺
Totally agree with this post. You can’t avoid conflict forever – at some point you will have to just stand your ground and fight back.
Absolutely, Roy! 💯 Or get walked on like a doormat. There’s no way around conflict.
Hi Cherie, i want to share this trailer about the movie “the accountant”, the kids scene shows that we most face those who provoke bullying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLXxKXjUZr0
Not for them, for our self protection, peace and life.
Wow! I’ve got to watch this! I’ll definitely put it on my to-order list! Thank you so much! 😊
Another great blog on bullying and being bullied. You are correct we must face the conflict that is in our face stuff. Once oyu do as Cherie says you are going to be free from it all.
Thank you so much, James! 😊
You are welcome, Cherie !
😊🤗😊🤗
I avoid conflict but I can and have stood up to the bullies. I am a peacemaker but not a people pleaser…
That’s the only way to be, Valerie! You have just the right balance! 💖
thanks, Cherie, also watch the movie “Sleepers” Brad Pitt, a little bit dense but realistic.
You’re most welcome. 😊 I’ll definitely watch that one too!
It’s difficult,but try atleast and become strong eventually.
Absolutely! 💯
Good stuff!I wish I had learned this earlier in life.
I do too, Patrick! Thank you so much! 🙂
I remember when i was high school and being bukkied with my friends just because i am poor. That time feels like i don’t have anything to fight. Because they’re right. I am poor. So i just quite and avoid them. It really hurt until now but i try my bsst to not got bullies again.
My heart goes out to you. I want you to know that poverty doesn’t make you less of a person. You still have value and you still matter a great deal. Never forget that. 💖😊
You really made my day. Thank you so much💖
You’re most welcome. 😊
That was me
Nice
Thank you so much! 💖
Right ☑️
Thank you so much! 😊
This is indeed very true because hiding from conflict obviously cannot help a person grow. I really appreciate this content as it has given me a clearer view. Thank you!
You’re very welcome, Joy. 💖 And thank you for your lovely comment! 🌻
Really like this,it’s been tough being back in London. But unexpectedly a migrant and another non English (both into drugs) said they were gonna kill me for no reason! After 2 years of suffering at the hands of a madman who was ‘gonna cut me up’,barricading myself in my room at night,I finally lost it and beat him up!He even had the audacity to get me arrested and detained (this all happened in MY home town,not his)
Omg! 😱😱😱 I am so sorry these people have tried to terrorize you and then got you arrested! I certainly hope that they’ve left you alone. These are sick people and if they’re threatening you with horrible stuff like this, they’re psychopaths and are to be avoided! Know that we support you and that you’re free to tell your story on here.