Tag: pattern

Bullying is Patterned and Predictable

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This is great news for targets and here’s why. Once you figure out the pattern, you become harder for bullies to bully. You are also able to better predict, with amazing accuracy, what your bullies will do next and after almost every given scenario.

For example, you instinctively know that once you report bullying, the bullying will escalate. You’ll also be able to recognize when the bullying becomes a pattern and you’ll begin saving any incendiary emails, messages, texts. You’ll begin taking screenshots of bullies’ comments on social media and you’ll begin documenting incidences in detail.

You will quietly gather your evidence, being sure to save everything, making multiple copies on multiple flash drives and keeping each of them in different locations.

Depending on the laws in your area, you will begin wearing discrete body cameras or keeping a digital audio recorder to get the bullying incidents recorded and making copies of those recordings as well.

You’ll also be able to stay one step ahead of your bullies by taking pictures of all completed work and making copies of important papers and receipts to keep in your CYA file at work or at school. You can make copies of your homework in case your bullies steal it to sabotage you and get you in trouble with school staff.

Again, bullying behavior and tactics are patterned and predictable. And the reason they are so is because they are both universal and timeless.

The behavior and tactics they use is nothing new. It’s the same worn-out crap that has been used since the beginning of time and the reason we haven’t wised up to it is because we’ve ignored it.

And when you ignore or overlook something, you don’t pay attention to it, and you aren’t observant of it. To see the pattern of bullying, you must be observant of it without paying attention to the bullies themselves.

Also, we haven’t considered bullying an important enough issue, and the reason we haven’t taken it seriously is because, for centuries, we considered a normal part of human behavior and were under the assumption that it happened to everybody, or it built character.

Yes, bullying is a dark part of human behavior, but so is murder, yet we don’t overlook it.

The best way to battle bullying is to teach targets confidence and how to recognize when normal teasing is beginning to morph into bullying. We must also teach them how to protect themselves from bullying and how to quietly expose bullying when it happens to them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How to Distinguish Between Bullying and Incivility

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Often times, we ran into people who are just jerks and are rude to random people. Just because a person is rude to us does not mean that they are bullying us.

Anyone, at any age, can become a target of bullying, and there is evidence that child and teen targets are more likely to grow up to be bullied, adults. Some do not, I didn’t, but others do.

All bullies, regardless of age, deep down at their core, are cowards!
The difference between child bullies and adult bullies is that the young bullies select targets who are weaker, smaller, mentally handicapped, or sick with a disease (Type 1 diabetics, childhood cancer patients, paraplegics, etc.).

Adult bullies target well-liked, outgoing, confident, and successful people in their jobs or have successful marriages and family life. Adult bullies target people who have what they themselves want but feel they can’t and feel those people outshine them and threaten them.

With that being said, this has prompted me to talk about the subject and how one can overcome a hostile work environment. I believe that knowledge is power, and without it, you may not know what to do when an adult bully comes calling. So I feel that it is incumbent upon me to share my own knowledge, experience, and the tools I used to overcome a hostile work environment and come out virtually unscathed.

There is no age limit on bullying. It does not stop after high school graduation, nor does it stop at age 18, 21, 40, or even 60. If it did, there would be no assaults, murders, robberies, home invasions, or the like. And there wouldn’t be corporate or government corruption either.

The majority of employees will have at least one encounter with a workplace bully in their lifetime. So if you have never been the target of an ultra dominating and overbearing boss or coworkers, chances are that you will sometime in the future.

After high school, I was fortunate to have never suffered bullying in the workplace until just a few years ago. For years, in the places I worked, I was usually the one who was well-liked by my supervisors and coworkers because I worked hard and did my best to treat everyone with respect. This is not to say that I didn’t run into a few dirtbags – smart-alecs, gossips, and trouble makers because I did.

narcissist bad attitude

But these people usually treated EVERYONE like dirt, not only me. Also, they were only a few and not liked by the rest of my coworkers. So these were not cases of bullying, although I may have thought differently at the time. So how do we distinguish a case of bullying from incivility?

BULLYING – involves singling one person out of the whole of alumni, organization, company, or geographic population. It also involves repetition…repeated attacks against the same individual or group over a long period of time (usually from 3 weeks to several years). Also, others, even total strangers, are usually encouraged to join in.

Bullying is relentless. Bullying is a CAMPAIGN with a GOAL

It means destroying the target’s good name and standing in a community, relationships, family, career, finances, businesses and to ruin the target’s self-esteem and sense of security and well-being, to eventually ruin his/her life.

INCIVILITY – does not have any certain target.

People such as these don’t care who you are or where you come from. They just have personalities that suck and treat everyone in general, like dirt. And they only insult you because they don’t want to be bothered, whereas a bully or bullies will actively pursue you and make it their mission in life just to destroy you. A jerk, on the other hand, will never put in the effort to pursue anyone.

Crazy young man in white shirt standing and screaming at woman in pink dress. woman dont care and looking at camera with toothy smile. indoor studio shot, isolated on light brown background.

INCIVILITY – is sporadic and random mistreatment against random people. It does not involve repetition and is not directed at any certain person or group.

BULLYING – is personal, and there is always an agenda and vendetta behind it.

INCIVILITY – is not personal, and there is no agenda nor vendetta.

The person is just a jerk. Everyone will experience incivility at times in their lives, even popular people. A jerk has no particular target and does not care who you are. A jerk is an equal-opportunity dirt bag.

A jerk just doesn’t care…about anyone…period.

A jerk is afraid you might want something from him.

A bully wants something from YOU.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying As An Aphrodisiac

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That’s what bullying is to bullies, an aphrodisiac. It’s the only way bullies can feel good. Hurting other people they select as targets is like a drug to them. It’s highly addictive because it gives them a massive rush of power.

I want you to understand that targeting people for attacks and bullying is how they find meaning in their lives. And the only excitement they can add to their meaningless lives is through the mistreatment of their targets. Simply put, bullies bully because they enjoy it!

People crave power, fame, notoriety, and influence- even the best of them. But most people can get those through love, through their hobbies, jobs, talent, and creativity. Bullies, on the other hand, don’t have these things going for them. Some might have jobs but aren’t satisfied in their positions. So, they abuse people instead.

Bullies either can’t get those benefits any other way, or they can’t get enough of them. So, for them, destroying the lives of their targets is the only power they have.

And once their victim is no longer available to them because he’s either quit, moved, or died by suicide, that drug, that aphrodisiac isn’t there anymore. So, what do the bullies do? They search for another target to get their next fix- their power high because they need authority over somebody, anybody.

Understand that this “fix” always wears off, and bullies consistently need another dose. So, again, once their “drug (victim)” is gone, they may even turn on one of their friends if they can’t find a target outside their peer group.

Bad behavior bullying children cartoon characters composition with a group of teenage girls laughing at their classmate vector illustration

My point is that if you’re a target of bullies. You are not the one with the issues.

Your bullies are the ones who have the problems. Your bullies are the ones who are severely mentally unbalanced. Your bullies are the ones who belong in mental institutions; they only hide it behind their undermining and degrading of you and others. Realize that they’re only projecting their problems onto you. Your bullies are using you as a distraction. And they have to work hard at it, which doesn’t make for a good life.

Always remember that, and their insults and stupidity won’t bother you as much. I promise you!

Bullying and Social Proof

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We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves- putting our best foot forward to impress others and show them our best sides, and we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it. We give the illusion that we’re a hot item because we instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to, and we’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; we tend to do what we think everyone else is doing, to follow the pack, to join the bandwagon, to get in on the next big thing, whether it be the new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others!

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena. Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. Although this crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool and might be the opposite of, others perceive them to be and want to hang with them, so you want to hang with them. Therefore, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

With bullying in school or the workplace, if everyone else is bullying you, you can be sure that total strangers who have never met you and even your friends will (if they haven’t already) also try to bully you. Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd!

But know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you and in no way means that you somehow deserve it or did anything wrong. What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.


In essence, bullying you has become a ritual with them—the in-thing to do at your school or your employment place.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare, and the better you’ll feel. Sometimes, just knowing the truth is enough to make you feel better.