Tag: bullying

unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

Why First Impressions Are So Important

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friends

I cannot tell you how important first impressions are. Down through the ages, many have said that first impressions last forever and that you never get a second chance at it. They were right!

When I moved to *Oakley, Tennessee, after having been an Army brat and lived in many different places, I began attending school there during the sixth grade. During that first year, I made a terrible first impression on my classmates, and I did it without even realizing it. Unfortunately, I paid for it for six long years.

In no way am I doing what so many young victims do, blaming myself for all the pain and humiliation they put me through. I’m well aware that regardless of the impression I made, I was just an innocent twelve-year-old child who never deserved to be bullied.

However, looking back, I now realize what I could’ve done differently to keep the target off my back. Oh, the things we realize when we’re older!

My first mistake was that I didn’t stand up for myself when my classmates began bullying me. Being new at the time, I was afraid of getting in trouble with school staff and was taught that “decent young ladies didn’t fight.” Instead, I tried talking my way out of confrontations or lying my way out. ‘Bet you can guess where that got me.

Another mistake was that I was also overly friendly, which was easily mistaken for being a fool, being weak, and approval-seeking.

My third mistake was that during the sixth grade, I cried easily, which my hardened and sadistic classmates took for weakness or manipulation. It didn’t take me long to change these behaviors.

By the seventh grade, I had toughened up considerably, but by then, the dynamic was already firmly in place.

First impressions are everything! They set a precedent- a pattern for the future. If bullies get away with bad behavior once, you can be sure they will repeat it again and again. When they get a particular reaction, they will come back for more of the same later. Without realizing it, we teach people how to treat us.

Understand that it doesn’t take long for impressions to take root and became expected. And when they do, it’s tough to change. That isn’t to say that it’s impossible, but it won’t be easy.

It takes a truckload of patience and consistency. It also requires pointing out your good qualities, hard work, and successes to others, which can backfire if you aren’t careful because people will only naturally take you for bragging and being pompous.

You have no control over people’s perceptions and opinions of you, nor their behavior and actions toward you, which is why it’s so essential to get it right the first time around. I had to learn this the hard way and by the time I realized it, it was too late.

However, during my last year of high school, I got the opportunity to change schools and make a new start at *Roseburg School. I put my best foot forward at my new school and the results were amazing!

I made many friends and was well accepted and liked by both students and staff. I saw a complete 180! But sadly, many kids don’t get that opportunity.

Even now, the classmates from *Oakley still, to this day, hold a lot of unnecessary anger, resentment, and bitterness and it’s been thirty years. I can tell you that had I known what I know now- had I made a better impression early on, things would have been much different.

Not that what they think matters because I’m older and with age comes wisdom, confidence, and self-acceptance. Also priorities change.

However, I would’ve saved myself six years of pain and a lot of wasted time. Also, I’d feel better about joining them at the thirty-year reunion.

I can only pity them because you’d think people would be over that stuff by now. I forgive them because forgiveness sets me free. However, I could never trust them because I will never feel safe around them. And the sad part is, a lot of this was avoidable in the early stages.

Today, I make giving a great first impression a goal each and every time I meet new people. The next time you meet someone new, be sure to make the best impact possible.

The More Bullies Tighten Their Fists, The More Like Water You Become

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Like I did, you will only run through their fingers and out of their hands. My classmates couldn’t hold me. I flowed over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only create defiant and sneaky targets who find their way around them.

Because some targets refuse to be controlled. I was one of them.

When your bullies try to silence you and prevent you from speaking against the abuse, you can find another way to communicate. I chose to write about it instead, being sure to keep a backup journal at home in case my primary journal came up missing. You can also do this, or you can speak out through music and song, artwork, such as drawings and paintings. There are so many vehicles through which you can speak out.

I took advantage of the fact that my bullies were flawed humans just like I was- and that they couldn’t read my mind nor control my thoughts.

When your bullies trash your reputation at school, make friends outside that toxic environment– out of kids who don’t attend your school. It’s what I did. I also dated guys who were of college-age and were past high school.

If you’re old enough to have a driver’s license or work after school,  opportunities for an after school job in your community may be nil, but your attempts to get one in the next town will more than likely be successful and you can make many friends there.

And here’s the miracle that happened twenty years lately when I endured horrible rashes of cyberbullying (keep in mind that some of the attackers online were former schoolmates), I handled it with smarts and class, which only brought me many allies who defended me– people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with those people today.

Yes, sometimes, things may look hopeless, but they can turn out for the best.

I want you to realize that if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. So, do what you must do for self-preservation. Dig those heels in, double down, and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands.

Don’t give up! There’s always hope!

Slick Ways to Make Friends When You’re Targeted by Bullies

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friends

To feel better about themselves and keep from feeling powerless, too many targets of bullying resort to bullying others who are even more vulnerable than them. And it’s not right.

In many cases, targets of bullying who bully, or “bully-victims” bully not because they want to. They bully because they feel like they have no choice.

In bullying, bullies unwittingly teach their targets that to degrade and disparage another person is what it takes to stay on top or off the bottom! And let’s face it, nobody wants to be on the bottom.

One of the uglier characteristics of humans is that everyone wants to be better than somebody! The attitude is that if you’re not above somebody, anybody, then who are you better than? The sad reality is that people equate not being better than someone, even if it’s only one person, with being powerless. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.

friends

But just the same, they do it because they don’t believe there’s any other way to stay out of the basement and boost their self-esteem. But!

What if I told you that there was a better way to get the same psychological benefits? What if I told you that there was another way you could feel better about yourself and eliminate those toxic feelings your bullies have instilled in you for so long? Even better, what if I told you that you could get those benefits without causing harm to another person?

Well? You can!

Here’s how you do it!

Instead of targeting more vulnerable people, how about connecting with and befriending them? Because they get bullied just like you. They may get bullied worse than you. You never know.

hope

And let’s face it. No one person is an island. There’s no way you can have even a little bit of power by yourself. We’d like to think that we can survive and do anything in this world just fine by ourselves and that we don’t have to depend on anyone, but that’s not reality.

The reality is that power means relationships. And we all need people as loved ones, friends, and allies.

Therefore, make friends with those who are weaker than you! Stick up for those people and be their buddy instead of their bully. Make them feel good about themselves and encourage them to stick up for themselves and to realize that they too matter in this world.

These targets need someone who they think has more strength than them to have their backs, and to be someone they can trust and look up to. These people will need you and depend on you, and that’s what you want.

friendship

Let me explain this a little deeper,

If you’re a target of bullying, the last thing you want to do is seek the approval of your bullies or their followers. You never want to build a power base with people more powerful than you are. They’ll only eat you alive!

And if they’re stronger than you, how can you expect them to depend on you? To make friends in your situation, you must look for people who will count on you. And they have to in some way, shape, or form, need you.

And the “weaker” targets will be the ones who must have you around to ensure their safety and to validate their importance and their deserving of love and friendship. They will need a friend, protector, and advocate. And you can be those things to them!

It’s much smarter to seek out and make friends with the “weaker” targets and create a relationship on their dependency on you. Because when you do, you become their pillar of strength. You become their voice and their backbone.

friends alliance allies

And because the other targets are more vulnerable, they’ll know that to turn their backs on you would be to do so at their own risk. Throwing you under the bus would only bring them hardship and pain.

In a friendship like this, you will have the power. So use that power to promote solidarity with them, uplift them, and have their backs!

And if ever you need something done, you won’t have to use force to get your new, less powerful friends to help you out. They’ll be more than happy to oblige because you’ll be their fearless leader, their encourager and protector, and the last thing they’ll want is to lose you. They’ll know that without you, they’d be in a pickle.

The beauty of this is that you and all the other victims will become a group. You’ll band together and become as one. And you’ll gain strength from your numbers.

I promise you that things will only get better once you put this into action. And the only things you’ll have to lose are your low self-esteem and your feelings of powerlessness!

How Bullying Negatively Affects The Targets Performance in School

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As we all should know, bullying can have a devastating effect on grades and class performance. Here’s how:

Anytime you are a victim of bullying, you are forcibly put on constant alert for an attack. It feels as if you have a target on your back and you must grow eyes in the back of your head. You become hyper-vigilant, which breeds anxiety and leads to exhaustion. Not only is the body tired, but also the mind.

When so much focus must be placed on ways to protect yourself and maintain dignity, safety takes priority over studying lessons. How can one concentrate on schoolwork when they’re constantly bombarded with threats, taunts, name-calling, and physical violence? How can a student study and learn effectively when the mind is tired from being stuck in what seems to be a never-ending fight-or-flight mode? It’s almost impossible!

I can tell you this because it happened to me.

In my book, “From Victim to Victor”, I talk about having been on the honor roll before I began attending school in *Oakley (The school I was bullied in). I also talk about the transfer to *Roseburg High School during my senior year and how my grades skyrocketed overnight! After leaving that toxic learning environment and moving to a new school, my grades went from ‘C’s and ‘D’s to all ‘A’s with maybe one ‘B’. I made honor roll again for the first time in five long years!

Here is an excerpt from my book, “From Victim to Victor”, which explains things a little deeper:

bullied victim tortured

“…when anyone, even the most logical and rational of anyone is under a large amount of stress over a long period of time, the glucocorticoids that have flooded the brain and body for so long will cause the atrophy of areas responsible for memory, emotional regulation and ability to maintain positive relationships…”

Therefore, should it be any wonder that the majority of victims of bullying have such poor grades and class performance?

Second, after being told repeatedly and for so long that they don’t and never will amount to anything, victims begin to believe it themselves. A condition, known as “Learned Helplessness” develops and victims simply stop trying altogether.

In conclusion, bullying can affect ALL areas of a victim’s life. Not just social, but academics and achievements as well.

(*Not the real name of the town.)

Bullying Can Either Make You or Break You!

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make or break

All too often, whether at school or work, it’s the best of the best who get bullied- children and teens with pure hearts of gold, empathetic coworkers, the very people who don’t deserve it, and who want to make the world a better place.

These are the people who are team players, who are cooperative, and who deeply care about others. They extend kindness to others and will give you the shirts off their backs if you needed it.

Understand that simply caring– about anyone or anything is going to be painful. It’s why so many who were once kind and caring people are now cold, hard, angry, and bitter. These people were relentlessly bullied and they allowed it to make them cold and mean. They are often those who adopt the “I’m going to get you before you get me” attitude.

narcissist bad attitude

For a long time, I was one of those people. After being bullied, I became no better than they were. I’m thankful that my eyes were opened and that I no longer have to resort to cruelty to protect myself. And I’m much happier and more confident in who I am!

Bullying has a way of taking it all out of you. It can take your self-esteem, your confidence, your happiness, your love and kindness for others, your energy, your health- even your will to live. But only if you let it!

Bullying will either make or break you.
It will either wise you up or dumb you down.

Either way, these results are up to you.

Bullying changes a person, no doubt about it. But don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you better!

Bullying and Rising Rates of Antisemitism

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The Jewish people and other minorities have been bullied worldwide, down through history, as have women. They’ve been intimidated by individuals, groups, corporations, schools, communities, and governments!

Recently, there has been an uptick of antisemitism from individuals, interest groups, certain celebrities, even government officials, such as Ilhan Omar and several others! They have also been attacked right here in America by Radical and Extremist Groups.

Understand that antisemitism, racism, and sexism are all forms of bullying because there is a clear-cut power imbalance. The evil committed against the Jewish people has been repetitious for so long!

People may disagree with me and may even get angry. But it is what it is, and I’m not going to hide it nor sugarcoat it.

Most bullies are bigots and racists because bullies are known to have hatred for anyone different from them in any way, although most of them would never admit it for fear of losing face. However, bullies must always have a target to degrade.

So, they prefer to bully someone safer to bully and not as legally protected, such as a person on the autism spectrum, who’s mentally ill, or an older person.

Understand that bullies despise differences from them in any way, and you can bet that most bullies are only closet racists and sexists. Still, because they choose to go the “lesser of two evils” route and be more politically correct to play it safe, they only bully those to whom they can do it and get away with it.

Understand that racism is wrong, no matter who it’s aimed at! Antisemitism is wrong! Hate is wrong!

Just because someone is different in race or skin color, in the religion they practice, or lives a different lifestyle, it gives no one the right to mistreat them!

Eliminate the hate!

A Short List of Crappy Advice Given to Targets of Bullying

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If you have ever been a target of bullying, how many of these pieces of really bad advice did you hear from others, teachers, supervisors,  even your well-meaning family members and friends when you were trying to deal with the onslaught of bullies?

  1. Keep a low profile
  2. Keep your nose clean
  3. Tread lightly
  4. Don’t rock the boat
  5. Don’t make waves
  6. Tone it down a little
  7. Don’t draw attention to yourself
  8. Stay out of the way
  9. Keep your head down
  10. Don’t poke the bear
  11. Make yourself scarce
  12. Be nonchalant
  13. Stay out of trouble
  14. Go the extra mile
  15. Try to blend in

If you were ever told one (or more) of these 15 things, feel free to comment!

4 Changes Bullying Can Cause in Targets- Beware!

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Once a person suffers bullying for so long, changes in the brain occur- changes that aren’t good. Here are these changes:

1. The target becomes exhausted and loses the will to fight back. Being bullied is extremely tiring. Bullies know this and deliberately wear their victims down to take the fight out of them and wrest control over their lives.

Although at first, the target may defend themselves and fiercely assert their rights to human dignity and respect, most bullies don’t recognize any human rights but only see self-defense and protection as an affront to their power. They then only double down- intensify the hatred until they mentally and physically exhaust their target.

The target finally loses their will to fight back and acquiesces because he’s just worn slap out and no longer has the strength to fight anymore.

2. He loses the ability to recognize mistreatment. When we’re used to being treated well, we can more clearly see poor treatment and know the difference when it happens. But after so long of enduring bullying, the lines get blurred, and our eyes lose the ability to see aggression so clearly- especially if the hostility we face is subtle. We finally reach a point where we don’t recognize the bullying at all!

3. The target becomes conditioned to accept bad behavior from others. After so long, you come to believe what bullies tell you- that you’re a terrible person and that you somehow deserve to be treated shabbily.

These damaging self-beliefs happen after the bullies, their followers, and bystanders have repeatedly prevented you from defending and taking care of yourself. They have, for so long, drummed into your head that you are worthless, useless, evil, mentally unstable- take your pick. They repeat the same lies over and over until they force you to believe it too.

4. The target begins to punish himself. The victim does this by engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors. He may hang with the wrong people and befriend those who only tolerate them. Targeted girls may participate in risky sexual behavior or having relationships with abusive partners.

Understand that we must be vigilant to take care of our mental health and self-esteem if we want to avoid these results in the future. Make sure you have friends outside of the bullying environment that you can talk to and that your family is supportive. Do things you enjoy and keep company with positive and uplifting people any time you’re away from the bullies.

Your goal is to balance the bullying you suffer by adding healthy and positive relationships and experiences outside the bullying environment. This balance will soften the blows to your self-esteem and provide a buffer to your bullies’ attacks.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You Have a Right to Respond in Kind When Someone Mistreats You

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There’s absolutely nothing wrong with responding in kind when someone tries to mistreat you. It shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person and that you won’t tolerate crap from bullies. It also shows that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, corporations, educators, and even certain members of our families that responding in kind only makes us as bad as the bullies. And we’re still being conditioned to believe it. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power and anyone they deem as weak is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse and that they can walk on you anytime they feel like it. There’ll be no stopping them from escalating the bullying and no limit to what they’ll try next.

Full Length of Two Adult Woman Standing Side by Side with Hands on Hips in Separate Lanes of Outdoor Running Track – Two Friends Sizing Up Competition

You must set boundaries, and how you set boundaries is by imposing consequences on anyone who violates those boundaries. But how do you impose consequences? By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Notice I say “respond” and not react. By responding the right way, you show that you’re not afraid to stand your ground and that you command the same dignity and respect given to the next person.

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet, we’re very subtly being told that we should take it, and with a smile, and a yes sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

Um- no! That’s now how life or human nature works! Every action is followed by a response!

Bullies must realize that there are consequences if they harm another person. And we must realize that it is the threat of consequences that keeps the bad guys from coming for us and keeps us safe. Without accountability, there would be chaos and anarchy! Bullies would have free reign over us all.

So, never be afraid to respond in kind and never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself and treat yourself well.

The more you know…

Space Invaders: 2 Ways Bullies Invade Your Personal Space

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Bullies are notorious for violating others’ personal space. They make it a point to get too close. I want you to understand that bullies do this deliberately to intimidate and challenge targets.

If you are a target of bullying, bullies will get in your face or stand too close behind you, sometimes so close their bodies are touching yours. Bullies purposefully crowd you to either intimidate you, challenge you or provoke you into a reaction. These violations are too blatant!

Different zone distances are practiced based on the relationship we have with the people in the room around us. They are as follows:

Intimate Zone – (6-18 inches) This distance between people is reserved for lovers, family, close friends, and pets. However, unwelcome bullies will move into your intimate zone when they’re feeling hostile toward you and are about to attack.

Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space. Selective focus

Anytime someone we don’t know, don’t trust or don’t like moves into this area, they are too close, and our minds and bodies automatically go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Some bullies may also invade the target’s intimate area only to toy with them and get them to react, then step back and laugh at the reaction. Do not ignore it! Call the bully out and let them know that they are in your personal space and that what they’re doing isn’t acceptable.

Personal Zone – (18-48 inches) We stand this far apart at parties and social gatherings. If bullies stand in the personal zone, they are still too close. Don’t be afraid to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell up!

Social Zone – (4-12 feet) These distances, we stand from strangers, clerks, and delivery people. Bullies will easily be able to get away with standing at these distances from their victims, so you might not want to react if you don’t want to look paranoid or unstable. But still, keep a close eye on your bully just in case they try to move closer!

Public Zone – (Over 12 feet) We stand at these distances when speaking publicly in front of an audience. Bullies can freely stand at these distances from their victims and not look conspicuous or threatening.

too close personal space bullied victim

(Zone distances- “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” Allan and Barbara Pease – pp. 194-195; 2004)

1.Sitting in your chair, leaning on your car, etc. – Any chair we sit in or any object we lean on or touch, we nonverbally lay claim to. Just as a dog will mark his territory by peeing on the spot he claims as his, people mark theirs by sitting, leaning, or touching the place or object they claim as theirs.

Other ways bullies invade their victim’s territory are leaning in the doorway of their office, dorm room, or house. Bullies may also prop their feet on the target’s desk or table or even walk into the victim’s home without knocking or being invited inside!

bullies dog peeing on tree marking territory

Male poodle dog pee on tree trunk to mark his territory

However, here are some less-obvious ways of space violations:

2. Invasion of your privacy – Bullies will very carefully observe you. They will eavesdrop on your conversations and listen for intimate details so they can take the private info and spread it as juicy gossip and make you look bad. They may also read your diary to find out your deepest, darkest secrets so they can spread it around and damage your reputation. They will even follow you to see where you go and who you associate with.

If you are a victim of bullying, understand that bullies do this on purpose. They invade your territory to intimidate, challenge, or dominate you.

You must protect not only your physical and mental health from bullies but also your personal space and territory. Never be afraid to call the bully out if they violate either one!

The more you know, the better you can protect yourself against these personal space invaders.

Beware! Bullies Can Get Intel from Information That’s Meant to Help Targets!

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intel spy information eavesdrop

There are many positives to bullying and suicide awareness, one of which is the ever so slow change in attitudes en masse about bullying, bullies, and victims over the last twenty years. More and more people are coming to the realization that bullying is not “just a normal rite of passage” or “just a part of growing up” like previously thought a few decades ago.

People are finally seeing it for the huge health hazard and the threat to human life that it truly is and perhaps, always has been. Unlike thirty years ago when I was in school, there is a vast wealth of knowledge, resources, and programs readily available to anyone who finds themselves on the receiving end of such harassment.

We now have a treasure trove of articles, books, and videos on what victims can do to bully-proof themselves. Today, we know that victims of bullying are not weak, too sensitive or to blame for the treatment they receive like previously thought decades ago.

Intel spy information eavesdrop listen in

We have made great progress for victims of bullying and I cannot thank enough all those who contributed to this progress. However, I want to stress something that I’m positive very few have considered:

Bullies also have access to this widely available information!

Although the data available is meant to help and empower victims, bullies can use this data as counterintelligence and turn it against their targets. And they can do it by using the information to tailor any future attacks.

For instance, since bullying has been shown to cause suicide, there has been a drastic uptick in cases where bullies have told their victims to “kill themselves”. A few have even talked them into it.

Remember that the most talented and seasoned bullies are cowards at heart and always commit their evil undercover and with subtlety. Bullies are smart, stealth, meticulous, and worst of all- patient! They will not risk being caught.

eavesdrop nosy

Anytime a victim attempts to assert their right not to be mistreated and to better their lives, bullies only escalate the harassment to punish the target and keep him/her silent and, in essence, enslaved.

I want you to understand that any power the victim regains for him/herself is power the bullies must lose! And when bullies see a threat to the power they have over a target, they will only tighten their grip and escalate the torment.

Bullying is a slow death by psychological, emotional, and physical torture. It is systematic, subtle and sadly, escalation of it is sometimes so gradual that it often goes unnoticed by bystanders and authority until the victim dies by their own hand.

When a target of bullying commits suicide, the bullies have committed murder without laying a finger on the target. And because there’s no physical contact or weapon discharged by the bully or bullies at the time of the target’s death, the bully gets away with this murder.

intel spy information eavesdrop watching

Bullies murder their victims by gently and over time, persuading and influencing them to do it for them. Now, this is how they get away with murder! What better way is there to kill someone without ever touching them, without firing a single shot, and without fear of ever seeing the inside of a prison?

Bullies know this instinctively! I say this with full conviction and being fully aware that I might be giving a few evil and unsavory souls a few ideas! Of this, I am truly afraid!

The best I can do is to hope and pray to the goodness that no one with evil intentions comes across this blog post!

In closing, if you are a target of chronic and relentless bullying, I urge you to never give up on yourself. Never let a bully convince you that the world would be better off without you! It wouldn’t!

Never let a bully convince you that you would be better off dead because chances are that they only target you because you are doing something right! They bully you because you stand out! You somehow outshine the bullies and they only mistreat you out of jealousy!

Know that you’re worth living for!

Believe it!

Reasons Bullies Hate Those Who Prefer to Be Themselves

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Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s Why:

1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive, and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.

Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.

be yourself

2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.

Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.

But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you have to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.

Targets of Bullying: Don’t Be Shocked If the School Doesn’t Help You

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blind eye deaf ear denial

Schools are supposed to protect children. And some schools do help targets of bullying. I’ve read quite a few stories with this happy ending and to those schools, I extend my love and respect.

However, I’ve also read and heard stories in which the school either failed or refused to help the victim and only sided with the bullies and I also found this out years ago from experience. And sadly, this ending is much more common than the first.

Therefore, if you are an object of bullying at your school, do take the proper channels to address the problem and get it solved. Report the bullying to the teacher, principal, or district.

But if the school does nothing about it, sweeps it under the rug, or worse, blames you, don’t be surprised. And don’t be surprised if you face retaliation not only from the bullies but from school staff and officials as well.

deaf ear

Understand that in these cases where the school doesn’t act on your behalf, it is because the school district is only interested in the sports programs, how many points an athlete can score for their school team, getting their football team into the playoffs, and how many kids they can send to colleges.

Another thing to consider is that school bullies likely have connections with several local politicians and other high-ranking officials. Also, many bullies who excel academically or are star athletes make the school look good and are least likely to be held accountable.

And seasoned bullies tend to be exceptionally socially intelligent and know how to ingratiate themselves into the good graces of teachers and school staff. They are also wordsmiths who are experts at feigning victimhood, explaining everything away, and rationalizing their bad behavior, which often makes the target look like the bully.

So, these are a few things to consider should you find yourself a target, report the bullying and the school fail to respond to your pleas for help.

But don’t give up. Remember. You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

Message to Bullied Girls: Being a Decent Girl of Morals May Not Reap Rewards Now, But It Will Later.

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I knew how you feel. You see girls at school getting fawned over and sucked up to by hormone-crazy boys, while you get overlooked and laughed at. And the funny thing is that most of these girls may or may not look as good as you but still, these guys see something in these girls. And believe me, I know the sense of bewilderment you must be feeling.

But let me tell you what they see in those girls.

They see potential scores- easy marks – cheap thrills! To put it bluntly- they have plans to bed these girls. A honeypot is a honeypot and erect penises have no eyes. So, do you really want a guy to see you as that?

It could be that the reason they laugh at you and avoid you is that they sense that if they were to ask you out, or to put out, you’ll only turn them down flat. They’re great big chickens!

Understand that when people know they can’t have something, they show disdain for and dump all over it to look like they’re the ones in control.

Thirty years ago, guys in my age group passed me over too. However, I can tell you that many of the same guys only used many of my female classmates one time, then tossed them away like a dirty diaper. Yuck! Who wants that!

And many of these jerks were under the delusion that they were doing these girls a favor by even considering them for a date and that the girls were automatically obligated to put out to them.

If the girl said no, the boy would kick her get out of his vehicle and drive away, leaving her stranded on the side of the road at ten or eleven on a Saturday night. This happened to a great many girls at Oakley High.

So, was I unlucky? I don’t think so. I only see it as evidence that I dodged a bullet!

Know that if you’re one of those girls who are overlooked, it may be a blessing in disguise! Do you really want some creep who’s only out to get in your pants?

I didn’t think so.

Hold on to your virtues. Be confident in who you are and be proud that you have morals and aren’t like the other girls who get kissed up to. Because the favor they get from these guys always comes with a huge price tag!

I’ll have more on this in the next post.

Bully-Targets: Targets Who Fight Back with Violence

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Bullies may indeed beat the target into submission, but that submission is only temporary. Worse, bullying, beatings, and punishing the target only does one of two things:

It re-enforces the target’s belief that he is vulnerable and that others are hostile toward him- which makes the target that much more likely to defy the bullies to assert his right to exist and to fight back.

Or…

The target may attack a weaker and more accessible adversary.

These targets feel vulnerable (and sadly, they are) and they become hypersensitive to confrontations like disparagement or domination. Violent targets come to see other people’s actions and words as affronts. These targets think nobody can be trusted. They also view their entire lives as a battle.

Bully-Victims, or bully-targets are bullied but also bully others they perceive to be weaker. In other words, they are bullies who get bullied by other bullies.

Many bully-targets also suffer severe abuse at home and have a history of demanding attitudes, disobedience, disruptive behavior, and rebellion. With the exception of being severely abused at home, this was me years ago. I felt safe at home but once I left the house, I felt like an endangered species.

PTSD

As implied earlier, many other bully-targets view their lives as a battlefield because they are abused at home and at school, or work. The abuse they suffer is never-ending and something they can never get a respite from. Therefore, their response is to retaliate and rebel against a world they feel is against them.

They are often severely punished at home for the most minor of infractions- being too loud, being too rambunctious- basically, for simply being a kid!

Many bully-targets have parents who always seem irritated and adults in their families who over-criticize them, threaten them, slap them around, and beat them. One boy who was a bully-target opened up about having a father who would double up his fist in his face and threaten to “knock him through the wall.”

It’s because of things like this that these kids are angry and lash out so easily. The abuse and bullying they suffer does not force them to comply, it only further enrages them.

These kids feel mistreated, misunderstood, and tossed away. They feel that everyone is against them and why not? The abuse they suffer both in and outside the home seems to confirm it!

This is why many targets who fight back are mistaken for bullies. They are perceived by others to be bullying others when, in fact, they are defending themselves.

These kids have the most difficult time with people and with life in general and their futures are at stake. These are the kids who need the most help. And it’s up to us to reach out and help them.

If you know someone who is a target of bullying and falls into this category, I cannot stress enough the importance of being there for them and getting them help. Please don’t give up on them because they aren’t hopeless and there’s still time to help them turn their lives around. By reaching out to these kids, you will be saving their future and their lives!