Month: January 2023

How Confidence and Egotism Differ

6 Comments

The confusion between the two is quite common. However, there are ways to distinguish between confidence and egotism. Before I go further, let me start by saying that we all have egos. However, the trick is in how we handle them.

1. Confidence is quiet. Egotism is loud and boastful.

2. The former doesn’t have to boast because it already knows its value. The latter, on the other hand, must constantly remind others of its value.

3. Confidence is teachable. Whereas, egotism is not. It kills the capacity to learn because it thinks it already knows everything there is to know.

4. Confidence leads to growth. Egotism can only lead to stagnation and eventual destruction.

Two Opposites

Princess Diana, during her latter years, was the perfect example of confidence. Once she saw her worth, she traveled the world, helping the less fortunate.

Hitler, on the other hand, was an example of egotism. His overinflated ego led to the destruction and loss of millions of innocent lives. Also, it produced intense hatred for an entire people.

As we know, bullies aren’t confident, they’re egotistical. Again, we all have egos. However, not all of us have egotism. Egotism is bad because it often stems from negative feelings of anger, guilt, jealousy, insecurity, and fear. And it’s the reason bullies often target those based on the lower role they play and their stations in life.

Confidence Promotes Equality while Egotism Promotes Division

Confident people treat the janitor or the security guard with the same respect they would give the company president or the CEO. In contrast, egotistical bullies only will only mistreat the janitor and security guard while sucking up to the president and the CEO.

A confident person gives kindness and respect to those who can do nothing for him. He treats everyone equally regardless of difference or position. Ego-driven bullies only abuse those he knows can’t benefit him somehow.

Those who are confident have selfless motives and doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re a decent and moral person. However, those who are ego-driven bullies are self-serving. With these types of personalities, it’s all about fame and name.

Putting ego aside means respecting those who society deems beneath you and giving them the same human value. It means making an effort to understand those who are different from you and doing your best to help them somehow.

Egotism is when ego overrides humanity and places it in grave danger. Confidence, on the other hand, helps and saves humanity.

Confidence Saves Humanity, Egotism Destroys it.

Sadly, I’ve worked with people who were great people to get along with. But once they got that coveted promotion, they became people I no longer recognized.

Bullies often spend money beyond their means to buy expensive clothes and cars, trying to look like they’re better off than everyone else. This is a sure hallmark of egotism. Unfortunately, they get deep in debt and sometimes resort to thievery to get out of it. As a result, they end up in legal trouble, which is an example of the self-destruction that egotism can bring.

Therefore, be aware of these signs in other people. And be confident, but know where the line between confidence and egotism lies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Never Try to Control Others

4 Comments

As we know, bullies are notorious for trying to control other people and bend them to their will. And they do it by using fear-tactics, threats, and force. However, here’s the thing they don’t realize.

When you try to get someone to do something, the more they’ll want to do the opposite.

“Parents are fully aware of this law! If you tell your children not to do something, they want to do it all the more.” (“The Like Switch,” by Jack Schafer PhD and Martin Karlins PhD p.114, para. 3)

Bullies are all about making the statement, “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Remember the line in the movie Matilda, by Matilda’s father, Harry Wormwood, played by Danny DeVito?

“Listen, you little wiseacre: I’m smart, you’re dumb; I’m big, you’re little; I’m right, you’re wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

Just imagine how that made little Matilda feel. It only made her that much more determined to do and say what she wanted.

This I’m right/You’re wrong approach bullies cram down their targets’ throats only puts them on the defensive. It inspires them to push back. In other words, it’s only natural for others to protect their reputations, images, and egos. Therefore, bullies only pit other people against them.

But it’s the same when targets try to get others to accept them.

Bullies have bullied them for so long and rendered targets lonely and friendless. Therefore, some targets will often use every trick in the book to win friends. They’ll tell sob stories, fake being ill, dress in flashy clothing and act like they have more money than they do. Bullies and others see through this and get angry. Why? Because they know the target is attempting to trick them into doing something they aren’t ready to do.

Tricks and fakery are also forms of control. The only difference is that they are the passive kinds of control. And people hate being tricked less than they do blunt force. However, trickery is still a type of force- only it’s force without the other person’s knowledge.

Realize that the only person you can control is you. Other people have minds of their own and they will do whether they wish. There’s no stopping human nature. Sometimes you must go with the flow and once you do, you have a better chance of getting the desired outcomes and results.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Beware the Spotlight Effect!

2 Comments

Many targets of bullying experience the spotlight effect after bullies have bullied them for so long. Why? Because bullying will conditions targets to think that everyone is watching closely. For example, the target will attend a social gathering and feel like a germ under a microscope. He will think that everyone is watching him.

When the target sees the people around him talking to each other, he’ll only assume that they’re discussing him. Therefore, he’ll think that they are judging him.

However, the people around him won’t be watching him because they’re worried more about themselves than they are him. Yet the target will still feel spotlighted- this is the spotlight effect at play.

Therefore, I want you to realize that this spotlight effect is born out of fear of judgment. You must be careful that you don’t spiral down this toxic hole.

Be Careful You Don’t Get Trapped by the Spotlight Effect!

Also, you can sometimes become victims of the spotlight effect while trying to make friends and allies.

Deliberately modifying your body language takes practice because it’s mostly a subconscious thing. Therefore, you will sometimes come off as awkward if you don’t practice in private. The spotlight effect happens when you deliberately modify your body language to make friends (or to ward off bullies).

Moreover, because you’re doing it on purpose to influence others’ behavior, you think that others can see through you. This will cause you to force the nonverbal signals and your suspicions will become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Why? Because it will make it difficult to make it appear natural and effortless.

Consequently, you won’t be able to display this body language convincingly. In other words, your nonverbals will look contrived, or worse, inappropriate. And you’ll do it even if others are unaware that you’re putting on. Therefore, you will look fake at best, inappropriate at worst.

The spotlight effect is the killer of many opportunities. However, there’s a bright side here.

Once you know that the spotlight effect is real, you will be able to avoid it’s entrapment.

With knowledge comes empowerment!