Reactive Bullying: What is It?

July 18, 2025July 9, 202524 Comments

‘Ever heard of reactive bullying? Here’s what it is and why it can lead to trouble.

When bullies force you to tolerate their bullying, the pressure builds over time. You become angry, and that anger also builds. Everyone has a breaking point. And when people push you to yours, you snap and show your ugly side.

This happens all the time, and it can lead to mayhem if you aren’t careful.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about reactive bullying and its potential impact on you.

Once you learn all about this important, even life-saving information, you will be able to save yourself a lot of drama down the road.

This post is all about reactive bullying, so that you can take steps to save yourself from having it weaponized against you.

Reactive Bullying

What is reactive bullying? Reactive bullies tend to be victims of bullying. Reactive bullying happens when bullies taunt you until you finally snap out of rage and launch a verbal tirade or physical attack against your bullies.

The victim who snaps

You snap after you’ve ignored the bullying for so long. You’ve tried handling it calmly, but it doesn’t help. The bullies only intensify the bullying.

As time passes, the pressure builds slowly. For example, you take a bottle of Coke and shake it up. If you keep shaking it up, it will eventually spew.

This is what happens after people have targeted you for so long. The pressure boils over, and you ultimately explode with rage, lashing out at your tormentors. Realize that you can’t hold it in forever.

So, you let them have it! In other words, you bully them back. Is blowing up and going off on your bullies the wisest thing to do?

No. Why? Because an explosive reaction is precisely what your bullies want. They want you to snap. And, the reason they want you to blow up on them is so they can play the victim and make you look like the bully.

Reactive Bullying:

Your bullies will only weaponize your reaction.

I realize that people can only take so much. I understand that when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough, and I’m with you.

However, bullies are experts at baiting you. Although your reaction may be justified, your bullies will only use it against you. They’ll paint it as proof that you’re mentally unstable.

They’ll say that you’re too sensitive or you’re a drama queen. Also, they may use it to blame you. They may say,

“Well? Maybe if you wouldn’t get so overly emotional, you’d have friends!”
“If you didn’t overreact to everything, people would want to be around you more!”
“Maybe if you’d control your temper, we wouldn’t give you such a hard time!”

Your reaction is a tool they can use to Blame you.

However, see this for what it is. It’s gaslighting of the highest extent. Your bullies mistreat you, then punish you for reacting to their abuse.

They also use it to make excuses for the behavior and deflect the blame back onto you. Sadly, it works like a charm, and bystanders and witnesses believe them.

For example, we’ll use a scene in the movie “Home Alone 2.”

In this scene, the McAllisters are having a family meeting in their living room. The main character, Kevin, is in trouble for pushing his older brother, Buzz, after Buzz humiliated him at the Christmas choir concert.

Buzz gives a fake apology to Kevin and the rest of the family. He then turns toward his little brother and sneakily calls him a trout-sniffer. Then, Buzz baits Kevin into a reaction. Therefore, Kevin gets into trouble with the family, while Buzz gets off scot-free.

Bullies pull the same trick on you.

Reactive Bullying:

Superiors won’t punish your bullies for abusing you, they’ll punish you for your reaction to it.

If you blow a gasket and tear into your bullies, it doesn’t undercut the fact that they initiated it. After all, your bullies are the ones who asked for it and drove you to get out of character.

Every single human one of us is capable of losing our cool after we’ve endured vile treatment for so long. However, many superiors will punish you because they feel that you overreacted.

There will be those who feel that the punishment outweighs the crime.

Therefore, teachers, supervisors, and others in authority must learn to distinguish between provocation and reaction. Then, they will be able to identify the real bully and target.

You must also learn to distinguish between the two so that you can call it out when it happens to you. Fortunately, there are a few reliable ways to differentiate between a provocation and a reaction. In that, you identify the real victim who is only reacting to bullying.

How do you know which person is the bully and which is the victim?

Simple! You can determine this by observing each person’s behavior.

A victim who has only reacted always feels terrible about how they acted once they’ve calmed down. They are usually the first to apologize for it.

A real target will also not be afraid to admit they’ve made a mistake.

On the other hand, a bully must always be right. They will never admit they’ve done anything wrong. Instead, a bully will continue to blame the victim.

They will be overly critical of the target and their reaction. Moreover, bullies will also use the tiniest mistake or imperfection and exaggerate it beyond its actual size. Bullies are also excessively dramatic.

Now, if the bully is a smooth talker, he might even admit to a few minor mistakes or wrongdoings. However, they will always follow that with the claim that the victim is at fault.

Therefore, always look for these signs. Then, you can easily peel the mask off the bully, layer by layer! Moreover, you can protect and care for the victim.

Reactive BULLYING:

Damned if you do and damned if you don’t

As mentioned earlier, the pressure of bullying builds until you snap. Bystanders and superiors may feel that your reaction subtracts from the fact that they drove you to overreact.

As a result, you may stop defending yourself. Why? It seems that every time you stand up for yourself, they punish you for it. Therefore, it may discourage you from standing up for yourself.

As a result, you may feel you have no other choice but to stay silent. You may think it easier to resign yourself, stay quiet, and allow them to keep bullying you.

The fear of them making you the villain overrides your natural desire to defend yourself. And, in your silence, you may hope that others take notice of your passivity and realize that you are, in fact, the target.

However, in most cases, this doesn’t work either. Why? Because, when you suffer bullying, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

What happens when bullies make you out to be the bad guy?

If your bullies make you look like the instigator when you defend yourself, they become brazen. Then, they have carte blanche to bully you any time they feel like it.

Moreover, they will bully you more frequently, more severely, and more openly.

Reactive Bullying:

So What can you do?

You can react to bullying in positive ways. What do I mean by this?

For instance, you can become an advocate against bullying. You can speak for others who suffer from bullying.

Also, you can focus more on your life goals. You can get busy working on those goals and following your dreams. This will buffer your self-esteem from the effects of bullying.

And you can tell your story of how people bully you. And you must, no matter how they shout you down.

Continue to talk about it, no matter how they blame and punish you. Tell your side of the story, even if no one wants to listen to it.

Just having your say can give you such relief. The fact that you got it off your chest and out in the open keeps you from internalizing everything. Also, it saves your self-esteem from being destroyed.

This is all a part of self-care.

The Importance of self-Care

When you’re against these types of odds, self-care is most important. Realize that, although the bullies may never change their behavior toward you, they can never stop you from taking care of yourself.

In these situations, all you have is you. So, practice self-care. Show yourself compassion and do what you must do to preserve your safety and mental health. Be your own best friend. Fight for yourself.

You’re worth fighting for.

Reactive Bullying:

In closing

Reactive bullying is a natural reaction to bullying. However, it can also give bullies a tool to use against you. Therefore, respond to bullying the right way. Never allow your bullies to get you so riled up that you snap.

Why? Because once you lose your cool, you lose your ability to think clearly, and you give your bullies a chance to lay the blame on you.

This post was all about reactive bullying for you to learn what it is and how bullies can use it to their advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do

2. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

3. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

4. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

January 20, 2025January 6, 20257 Comments

‘Want to know about baiting and the tactics bullies use to bait you into a reaction? Here are all the bully bait-tactics you need to know about.

Another tactic in the bully’s toolkit is to bait you by provoking you into an emotional reaction so that they can turn everything around on you and make you look like the evil one.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about baiting, the purpose of it, and what you can do to protect yourself against it.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will be able to better handle any provocation with class. Also, you have a better chance of exposing your bullies and a lesser chance of getting blamed for someone else’s bad behavior.

This post is all about baiting, how bullies do it, and what you can do to defend against it.

Baiting, Bashing, and Blaming

1. They Bait you by provoking you.

Believe it or not, there is a method to the bully’s madness. Bullies are master life-chess players. They put a lot of forethought into their attacks against you. Always. Here’s how bullies can bully and get away with it.

Baiting

First, your bullies will bait you. They do this by provoking you for a reaction. If you blow it off and refuse to react, they will only intensify and increase the taunts. Albeit slowly and subtly.

Why? You might ask.

Bullies do this to wear you down, over time, until they achieve the reaction they want from you. Understand that bullies are very much aware that everyone has a breaking point. Moreover, they are relentless.

They will also provoke you in front of bystanders and witnesses.

Bashing

For example, your bullies repeatedly provoke you until they push you over your limit. You then react by yelling, telling them off, cursing them out, or punching one of them in the face.

Next, your bullies weaponize your perfectly human and justifiable reaction.

In other words, they will weasel their way into the hearts of bystanders and authority. Moreover, they’ll do it by using superficial charm and charisma to play the victims.

Your bullies will bash you by using your reaction as proof that you’re unhinged. Therefore, they’ll very meticulously make it look as though you’re at fault.

Understand that bullies do this to distract attention away from their bad behavior and project it onto you. Therefore, making you look like the guilty party.

Blaming

Once your bullies have succeeded in turning everyone against you, they entice others to join them in shaming you. Everyone may gang up on you, making statements such as, “Aww! You just need to toughen up!” or “Can’t you take a joke?”

Others may accuse you of “bringing it all on yourself” when in reality, the opposite is true. It is the bullies who have harassed you for months, even years.

You may have tried to handle the bullying calmly and objectively. However, after so long, you only succumbed to exhaustion and reached your limit.

Baiting:

What happens when you report the bullying?

When you report the abuse, staff is likely to blame you and refuse to hold your bullies accountable. Consequently, your bullies will only take this as a green light to continue tormenting you in the future.

Bystanders and witnesses will refuse to help you because they’ll only see you in a negative light. Therefore, you’ll have no other choice but to endure the torment in silence.

Moreover, you’ll eventually clam up because you know that no one will believe you anyway. You’ll know know that your bullies will only punish you for snitching.

And they’ll only further tarnish your already damaged reputation. And why not? By this point, there’s a strong chance that no one will believe her anyway.

Each time you make a report, those who are often in a position to help, will only blow you off. Why? Because they’ll think that the torture you endure is justified.

This will only do more to embolden your bullies, while damaging you.

Moreover, the more brazen your bullies become, the more the bullying will escalate. In other words, the more frequent and intense the attacks will become.

And it continue until the bullying becomes dangerous or even life-threatening. Therefore, the bullying will only end when they kill you, maim you, or you transfer or die by suicide.

Then the bullies will move on to another victim.

What do bullies have to gain from baiting you?

Understand that successful baiting gives bullies feelings of power and control. Moreover, this gives them a sense of invincibility.

In other words, because they’ve gotten away with abusing you, they now think they’re untouchable. Your bullies also get to enjoy favor and sympathy from everyone else.

Bullies also use this strategy to strike fear in and silence you. Therefore, it discourages any future attempts at speaking out.

As a result, it insulates the bullies from exposure. As long as you can’t talk, you can’t expose them for the cowardly, sniveling pieces of human filth they really are.

If bullies target you for abuse, you already know too well how it feels to be mistreated and then blamed for your own torment. It’s horrible enough when others constantly bully you. However, it’s much worse when they blame you for the bullying you suffer.

In fact, it can downright devastate you because it leaves you feeling completely powerless!

Again, realize that this is just another weapon bullies use and how they trick people into allowing them to continue with impunity. And it is nothing new! Bullies have always used this method.

Therefore, remember the 3 ‘B’s- Bait, Bash, and Blame. Once you do, you will be better able to explain your situation when you report the harassment. At the same time, expect bullies to retaliate some way or another.

2. Instigation

This type of baiting is indirect and extremely cowardly. In other words, these types of bullies don’t have the guts to be direct or the stomach to get their hands dirty.

Therefore, they do their bullying by instigating a conflict between you and another individual. They then stand back, at a safe distance, and watch from afar. As they watch, they enjoy seeing you get humiliated by someone else.

Moreover, the individual these bullies pit against you probably won’t be the type of person who bullies anyone. In fact, they’ll likely be someone who doesn’t even have a history of conflicts with you.

The person they pit against you will most likely be a stranger, an acquaintance, friend, teacher, or supervisor. Understand that your bullies will do this to divide and conquer.

Baiting:

Divide and Conquer

There are several reasons bullies bait you using instigation:

To create a situation where they can gleefully watch as someone else reams you out.
For the purpose of turning others against you.
To create drama and entertainment
They want to parade you in front of an audience
To distract attention from their own evil deeds. In other words, if two or more people are too busy fighting and others are too busy watching and getting their kicks, they’re too occupied to pay attention to what your bullies are doing.
To isolate you by making you look like the bad guy. The more people the bullies can turn against you, the worse you look, and the less power you have.

Often, when you’re a target of bullying by instigation, the person or people your bullies have pitted against you will start their sentences off as:

“Hey! I heard you’re trying to get with my boyfriend!”
“Somebody told me that you did…”
“I heard you told so-and-so such and such!”
“Somebody told me you’re talking smack about me behind me back! How about having the guts to say it to my face!”

Your First Clues of baiting by instigation

If you’re a target of bullying and someone has instigated a conflict between you and someone you don’t usually have trouble with, the first words out of your accuser’s mouth will be,

“I heard…”,
“Somebody told me…”
“It’s going around that…”
or
“It was brought to my attention…”

Those first few little words are your first clues of bullying by instigation, and that one or more of your bullies is trying to pit these people against you.

The Correct Way to Respond

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying and you’re ever in a situation like this, here are a few comebacks you can’t make to the accuser:

Laugh at the accuser and say one of these,

“Really? You ‘heard,’? You’re so gullible you’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“Wow! And you believed that? Boy, are you a moron!”
“Gee, you’ll fall for anything, won’t you!”

The trick is to challenge the accuser’s intelligence, then walk away laughing. Your accuser will be stunned, and your bullies, who are surely watching from afar, will be sorely disappointed.

Therefore, always imply that your accuser is a fool for believing the lies, and I guarantee that the person will back down. It’s what worked for me.

How I wish I were this quick in school. But, as an adult, I was better able to defuse it by the above counter statements.

3. Baiting: The Secret Admirer Bait

A bully will use this to bait someone to insult and humiliate the target.
Here’s how it goes:

For example, your bullies and a few classmates or coworkers see you when you’re nearby and within earshot. If you’re female, your bullies point to a nearby male and say,

“Hey, (your name)! John said he was madly in love with you!”
John then goes on the defensive and says,
“Oh, hell, no! I don’t like that ugly thing!”

Or, he might say, “That whore? No freakin’ way!”

Therefore, by doing this, the bullies slyly bait John into a knee-jerk reaction. And his reaction includes insulting and humiliating you just to drive home the point that he hates your guts.

As a result, you’re hurt and embarrassed and your bullies get their gratification in seeing John humiliate you.

Though the secret admirer bait is mostly used in middle and high school, people have used it on targeted adults in the workplace.

4. The Invitation bait

In this situation, the bullies will, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, become chummy with you. They will pretend to have a change of heart. Therefore, understand that your bullies will do this to bring down your defenses and win your trust.

However, BEWARE!

Why? Because, once they win your trust, the bullies will invite you to a birthday party, cookout, sleepover, kegger, or reunion. They will then set you up for either a physical attack or humiliation.

Furthermore, they may also get you drunk or high, then manipulate you into compromising situations. Again, this is used by both school-aged and adult bullies.

Baiting:

Here’s how to shut these monsters down.

Understand that no one ever becomes true friends overnight. Therefore, if someone who has bullied you suddenly starts to buddy up to you, and it seems to have come out of nowhere, it’s a red flag!

Steer clear!

Also, you’ll know it’s all fake if you pay attention. Why? Because when your bullies try to win over your trust, they will lay it on thick!

They’ll overdo the flattery. Moreover, it will sound so sweet, you’ll want to grab a barf bag. However, remember that bullies are very convincing. If you’re young and still in school, you’re likely to overlook the yuck if you aren’t careful.

So don’t fall for it! Don’t go anywhere with those people. Because once you’re alone with them, you’re at their mercy!

If you’re a kid in school and bullies use the secret admirer bait and trick someone into humiliating you, deal out a good burn for the person they baited into insulting you.

For example, you can say, “No chance. I could never be that desperate, and you could never be that lucky.”

Then keep walking.

Your witty comeback will sting the poor sucker who took the bully’s bait and tried to insult you. But hey! Better them than you. Right?

5. They bait you into explaining yourself.

Understand that anytime you feel you must explain yourself, you do so from a place of powerlessness. Moreover, bullies and their followers will pretend that they don’t understand or they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

Therefore, know that you don’t owe them any explanations. Save the explanations for people who are worthy of them, such as a parent, teacher, or supervisor.

This post was all about baiting, how bullies do it, and how you respond so that you can emerge with strength and power!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples