Tag: alone

alone

Drinking Dirty Water Means You’re Thirsty

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You might look at the title of this post and think, “Well, duh!” So, let me put it another way.

Just because you’re thirsty doesn’t mean you have to drink dirty water. Even if it seems that dirty water is all that’s available. In other words, don’t let loneliness cause you to go back to toxic people just because good people are hard to find.

“Settling for toxic friends because you’re lonely is like drinking dirty water because you’re thirsty.”  – Cherie White –

Many times, when you finally get enough of being used and abused by fake friends and decide once and for all to walk away, you may be alone for a while. Life may put you to the test to see if you’re really and truly done with the creeps you once, very naively, called friends. Even worse, life may decide to drag it out over a few weeks or months just to test your strength.

This happens with many targets of bullying. And, consequently, they may wait a little while, but eventually they cave in and go back to the same people who treated them so badly. Or the target may allow their frenemies to sweet-talk them back into the friendship. However, what happens once they do go back?

Patience is a Must!

It’s true that these fake friends may be extra friendly. They treat the target well for a few days, weeks, or maybe even a month. However, they will eventually go back to treating the target shabbily again. Why? Because they see any second chance the target gave them as evidence that he was only bluffing when he broke off the friendship.

You’ll only look desperate, or, as the kids say today, “thirsty.” And ewww! that’s not a good look at all! Cringe is what it is!

Therefore, these fakers only lose respect for the target and no longer take him seriously. Even worse, if the target again gets tired of the abuse and walks away a second time, the fakes will only look at each other and say, “he’ll be back. He just needs to cool off.”

There’s a reason for the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I’m all for giving second chances, don’t get me wrong. Because people screw up from time to time. However, you should use judgement when doing so. Who is it that you’re giving the chance to? And have they blown any chances you’ve given in the past? ‘Very important!

Don’t Give Chances to Those Who Only Abuse Them

Again, second chances are fine. Just make sure you don’t end up giving them a third chance, fourth chance, and so on. And realize that there are instances when even a second chance isn’t deserved- there are some things you just can’t come back from. So, if you decide to give another chance, make this your rule of thumb- the second chance is always the last chance. If they blow that chance, that’s it and it’s on them.

When it comes to situations such as this, you must stick to your guns. Otherwise, your fake friends, your bullies, and others who are around to see it will only use you as a cat toy.

Therefore, when you walk away from fake friends, do it and mean it! Do it with the presumption that you may have to wait a spell before better friends find you. Then stick it out! Wouldn’t you rather be by yourself rather than with people who only use and abuse you? If you’re going to be alone anyway, it might as well be for a damn good reason. Because nothing feels worse than being alone…in a group!

The next time you get fed up with shabby treatment and decide to walk, don’t let loneliness cause you to go back to toxic people. Be patient and wait it out! I promise you that better people will come along eventually. Dry spells don’t last forever and if you hold true to yourself and stick it out, you will have better friends. And they will be people who are worth your time and consideration- people who deserve to have you in their lives.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

This is How to Distinguish Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

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Being alone means being in solitude- being by yourself. When you’re alone, you’re without the company of others. Being lonely, on the other hand, means having feelings of abandonment- being sad due to being isolated and alienated from others.

Alone is a state of being. Whereas, loneliness is a state of mind. An emotion. You can be in a room full of people and though you may not be alone, you can be lonely. It’s not about the number of people around you, it’s about how you feel.

When you’re alone, you can be happy. When you’re lonely, you can’t.

Being alone is sometimes beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!

Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.
Being lonely is that dull ache in your chest after you’ve lost a family member or been thrown under the bus by your friends.

Here’s how to beat that awful feeling of loneliness:

1. Concentrate on your hobbies. Do something you enjoy doing- preferably something that takes a little concentration and consumes some time.

2. Get up and move. Exercise works wonders and has a way of producing endorphins that make you feel good. Dancing to some good music is a great picker-upper!

3. Do a home-improvement project. Clean out your garage or declutter your closets.

As you know, I was bullied for six long years in school. But I also had hobbies that distracted me from some of the loneliness.

My writing and art projects at home were one of the ways I survived those lonely years. They made things a lot more bearable and when I’d finish a project, that feeling of accomplishment I’d get would always supersede any feeling of abandonment I felt!

Never fear being alone. Too many people think that because you’re alone, it means you’re lonely. It doesn’t!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Reasons Why You Should Never be Afraid to Be Alone

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“If you aren’t afraid to be alone, you’ll more than likely have the courage to walk away from relationships that are bad for you.”

– Cherie White –

I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make a person vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people makes you just as vulnerable if not more so. Therefore, being alone can be much better than keeping company with spiteful people who only bring you down.

As difficult as it may be, sometimes you must weed out all these ungrateful souls who don’t see your worth to make room for more positive, caring, and loving people to come in.

1. People will let you down at some point. Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and only keep company with those who love and respect you. Keep the people in your life who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.

2. Not everyone who smiles at you is in your corner.

3. It’s easier to get rid of people who are toxic.

4. It’s easier to say goodbye to relationships that only hinder growth.

If someone is not treating you like you deserve to be treated, never be afraid to let them go, even if it seems that they’re your only options at the moment.

Remember that we must do things that don’t feel comfortable and that are downright scary for any positive change to happen.

Positive change requires that we take risks!

Don’t Lose Yourself in The Crowd

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Following the crowd and conforming too tightly to what everyone else thinks and does is so unhealthy! When the desire to fit in takes up so much of your time and energy, it leaves you feeling exhausted.

Understand that to follow the crowd requires that you neglect your own wants and needs to appease and please others. After so long, you will build up resentment and the funny thing is that you won’t know why you feel so resentful.

But I can tell you why. It’s because you neglected and denied your own needs to satisfy other people. You didn’t practice self-care because you were so afraid of pissing someone off.

Being a crowd-follower leaves one feeling controlled and manipulated. It’s also tiring because it requires so much work and effort.

Can you imagine having to shift-shape yourself constantly, forever having to change and adjust yourself to the new and keep up with the Jones’s? I can, because I did that for a long time and don’t want to ever do it again. It was exhausting and frustrating!

Understand that you’re not a ball of play-doh and no one can mold you into what they want you to be unless you allow them to. When you break your back to follow the crowd, you become a stranger to yourself. You will no longer recognize yourself because you’ve lost any sense of who you are.

When you don’t know yourself anymore, you lose sight of your goals, dreams, and aspirations. In short, you forget all about what you want out of life. Even worse, you’re more likely to take abuse from others and do things you don’t want to do- just to fit in and be liked.

You constantly worry and fret about what others think of you and say about you.

Screw that noise!

That’s no way to live and life’s too short for it!

Once you’re lost yourself, getting reacquainted with yourself is a slow process and can be downright uncomfortable. But it’s a necessity if you ever want to get your life back and be happy and at peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment!