Month: July 2021

A Short Reminder to Targets of Bullying

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Anytime bullies escalate their abuse- anytime they increase their name calling and double their efforts to besmirch you, it only means they’re scared to death and desperate to contain the threat that you are to them. They see you as a threat to their perceived status and power.

Therefore, they feel they must double down on the abuse. What they don’t realize is that they only make themselves look desperate and pathetic. Their blatant repetition and redundancy is so telling. Bystanders and witnesses to their deplorable behavior might not say the quiet part out loud but trust me, they see it, and they think it.

And rest assured that the ones who take the bullies’ side already know who the good guy is, only they’ll never admit it because they’re too scared of becoming the next target.

Always remember that. You have more power than you know. Bask in it.

Finding That Healthy Balance Between Positive and Negative Experiences

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Everyone has both positive and negative experiences with others, which can determine the level of confidence and self-esteem. The trick is to keep the positive either equal to or higher than the negative.

When targets of bullying feel hopeless and pushed to the breaking point, it means that they’ve had so many negative experiences with people that any positive experiences they once had become irrelevant.

Think of confidence and self-esteem as a bank account. If others bully a child nonstop for long enough, their positive account can quickly be depleted, then go into the negative.

If you’re a parent and your children are targets of bullying at school, it’s imperative that you and others who love them continue to deposit “money” into their banks every day with words of encouragement and love. You also contribute by teaching them the importance of confidence, and creating plenty of positive experiences for them.

Positive words, actions, and experiences must equal or, better yet, outnumber the negative ones they get from bullies at school. Only then will the self-esteem be prepared, and the victimized child begin to regain that confidence.

Finally, once confidence is restored, the child will be better able to combat bullies and, ultimately, cease to be a target.

Understand that, although talking about the abuse they suffer and getting it out in the open does help with healing, it only does so much. For any target of bullying to keep their self-esteem and confidence from completely tanking, we must, at the very least, help them create just as many positive experiences as the negative experiences they get from being the target of bullies.

We must help them establish friendships outside of the bullying environment and create wonderful memories. That is the best kind of therapy there is.

Add that with encouraging the target to open up about the abuse and being a good listener, then you have a sure-fire way for them to restore their confidence.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Good News for Targets of Bullying

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If others perceive you as weak, you can use that to your advantage! Allow me to explain further.

My classmates thought that I was weak, and, at times, I used it to elicit sympathy from others. I knew that if I could appear too vulnerable, and tempt my bullies to become “too aggressive,” I would gain sympathy from others and paint my bullies as the bunch of sadistic psychos they truly were.

It was in these cases, although few, that my bullies only created a martyr and got called out by a teacher or another member of school staff for the vicious snakes they were.

Don’t Show Your Cards words on a pair of aces kept secret from your competition and negotiating partner so you get the best deal possible

Therefore, there are times you must expose your bullies by appearing “too weak.”

For example, if you have a disease or disability, you can use it to get sympathy and make your bullies look barbaric. And who wouldn’t be outraged to hear of or see someone picking on a person who’s too sick to fight back?

Here’s another example. If you’re a female with a tiny build and you’re a target of bullying, you can milk it for all it’s worth if you know how to. You’ll have allies and protectors coming out of the woodwork and in droves.

Or, if you’re a typically charismatic guy and a peacemaker who doesn’t like to fight, you will also have people come to help you out.

Even naivete can be used as a weapon if you know how to use it properly.

Use what are perceived to be your weaknesses as weapons! Once you learn to do this, you’ve won the battle!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When the World Wants to Dumb You Down

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Remember that bullies hate people who are smart. And the current corrupt government and extremist groups are certainly no exceptions.

We live in an age during which most people want to discourage you from being your best. Most of the “participation trophy” generation are now young adults and if they see someone who’s a winner making achievement after achievement and success after success, they get angry and want to tear the person down.

Never mind if it’s a person they can learn form and look up to as a role model. If the person is “too good” or “wins too much,” they get furious and scream, “it’s not fair!” They then go after the person.

During the past twenty to thirty years, we’ve witnessed the wussification of the West, where, if one person wines and gets an award, everyone else has to have an award too to keep their feelings from being hurt and their egos from being shattered. Otherwise, “it just isn’t fair.”

Well, who ever said that life was “fair?”

Here’s what the use of participation trophies does:

It cheapens the prize for the winner.

It also discourages participants from even trying- it sends the message that no one really has to make an effort because, if they’re going to get a prize anyway, there’s no incentive to do your best.

Also, we’re being fed utter nonsense by the media, which is, of course, designed to dumb us all down. But isn’t it true that bullies desire to dumb down their targets? Of course, it is, because a smart person is least likely to fall for the bullies’ BS. Governments and extremist groups do the same thing to their populations.

One such example is that our media claims that there are 50, maybe 80 something different genders, and sadly, the sheeple lap that up like thirsty dogs.

As the people on the Left always say, “follow the science.” But science says that there are only two genders- male and female, and this is determined by our chromosomes- XY (male) and XX (female).

For there to be 50 to 80 different genders, there would have to be 50 to 80 different pairs of chromosomes– hmmm. I bet nobody on the Left has thought about that one.

But hey! I’m just following the science. Sadly, no one wants to have that conversation because they’re either dumbed down or scared of being cancelled.

This is a perfect example of the dumbing down of the masses. Many people may get angry over this post, but I don’t care. I prefer common sense over following along with the prevailing narrative. And if it sounds stupid, sorry, I won’t go along with it.

I prefer to stand out from the crowd, not to get lost in it. If that means I get bullied for it, so be it. I overcame many bouts of bullying. I’ll overcome the next.

When You Look Good, You Feel Good: Why You Should Always Take Pride in Your Appearance

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When a person is a target of bullies, it’s too easy for that person to stop caring- about everything, including his appearance.

The reason for this is that when someone gets bullied for so long- once enough people have told them so many times over that they are nothing, that they aren’t good enough, that they have no value as a human being, and that they’re a waste of time, space and breathable air, they begin to believe it subconsciously.

They won’t even know it’s happening until it’s too late, and the contrary belief of themselves has already taken a foothold on their psyche. And when they believe something of themselves, whether it be a complete lie or truth, they will unwittingly live up to it.

bully angry girl victim

Understand that this change in a target happens ever so slowly. And before the person realizes it, they begin to neglect themselves. They neglect their appearance, their housework, even their health!

1. Targets will often isolate themselves and become shut-ins.

2. They fail to make themselves presentable.

3. They stop exercising and forego physical check-ups.

4. They withdraw from people and social gatherings.

5. They don’t get adequate sleep and nutrition.

6. Some overeat for comfort and gain weight.

7. Some stop eating and lose too much weight.

8. Some even begin using alcohol and drugs.

In short, they let themselves go!

These are the reasons why, if you’re a target of bullying, it’s even more important that you take care of yourself.

bullying

Bullying and life – pictured as a word Bullying and a wreck ball to symbolize that Bullying can have bad effect and can destroy life, 3d illustration

When I was a target of bullying, I stopped believing in myself too, for a while, only I didn’t neglect my appearance.  Instead, I got mad. Damn mad! And in my anger, I grew more determined to take care of myself. The more I was bullied, the better (and more flashy) I dressed. I also exercised to keep myself fit.

It was my way of thumbing my nose at the bullies- a poke in the eye to them, or a proverbial middle finger.

I became as a peacock fanning out her tail to show her beautiful colors. It was also a means for me to maintain what control I did have, which was control over my body and appearance. Also, I wanted to keep my self-esteem from completely bottoming out.

It was only one of the ways I fought like hell to hang on to my dignity and to maintain what I could of myself. And today, I believe it saved me in so many ways.

I may not have had control over how others viewed me. No one has that kind of control. 

I may not have had control over how others treated me.

I may not have had control over my reputation.

And I may not have had control over my physical well being as I got the snot beat out of me a few times.

But, what I did have was control over my hygiene and how I looked!

That was the one thing those creeps couldn’t have control of!

However, I knew so many other bullied people who give up on themselves, and it breaks my heart for them!

So, please! Please, don’t give up. Hang on to what power you do have with everything in you! You’ll thank yourself for it later. I promise!

Why Many Young Bullies Today Desperately Want Socialism

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Three words! Entitlement, jealousy, and resentment – of anyone they perceived as better off than they are.

Understand that the young people who promote Marxism, Socialism, and Communism in America- many of whom join groups like BLM, Antifa, BAMN, and The Red Guard are the same kids who were growing up when everyone was getting trophies for participation.

They never learned good sportsmanship because their feelings and pride were always shielded from disappointment with these participation trophies, and they never had to deal with any sense of failure.

But then something happened. These children grew up– and no longer had their equally entitled and overly protective parents to shield them from the realities of the real world! And, low and behold, the real world gave them a good sucker-punch, causing such a rude awaking that it shattered their fragile egos and sense of entitlement. Ouch!

Suddenly, they began to see that some people were just a little more fortunate than they were! That some people had more “stuff” than they did! That some people were much better off than they were!

“Oh, my God! What a bummer!”

“Oh, the unfairness of it all!”

“The injustice of it all!”

“How dare they have a life better than me!”

Those are the collective thoughts of these kids, and it doesn’t matter whether these “lucky” people worked their butts off for what they have. It doesn’t matter that many of these more fortunate people were once poor themselves but managed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps by starting businesses of their own.

No. None of that matters to these kids because many of them are thirty plus years old and still living in their parent’s basements, sadly. They feel as if life didn’t give them a fair shake, so they shouldn’t have to work for anything. They would rather have security than freedom.

The only thing that matters to people in these groups is that these lucky others have it, they want it, and if they can’t get it, nobody else should have it either. So, they want to make the world more equal. Because, “If I can’t have it, then, by George, I’ll make sure nobody else has a chance of achieving it!”

Thus, the idea of Socialist utopia began to sound like the perfect solution to their feelings of jealousy, failure, and inferiority.

Even sadder is the fact that some of these kids grew up with parents who thought it more comfortable to live on welfare and watch soap operas all day, rather than get a job or go to school to create better lives for their children.

And many of these parents who did go to school didn’t finish because, even though they received Federal Pell Grants, studying for hours a day was “too hard” when you had children. Therefore, they never taught these kids the harsh reality that nothing good ever comes easy!

And many of the parents who did go to work, only worked long enough to receive a couple of paychecks, then they would quit and go back to living on welfare. I saw this with my own eyes. These parents were my age. And the running theme was this:

“I was looking for a job when I found this one, and I’ll be looking for a job when I find the next one.”

Back in the nineties and the beginning of the first decade of the new millennium, jobs were plentiful. However, it was tough for employers to find good workers because nobody cared whether they got fired or laid off and didn’t see the incentive to keep going when the job grew hard and monotonous.

Jealousy

Meanwhile, their children were growing up, going to school. They had to watch other kids, whose parents did believe in the value of hard work. These kids watched them come to school wearing Tommy Hilfiger, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Filas, and secretly coveted their good lifestyles and hating them for having them. And it seems they never got over it.

And this is the product we get- a generation of spoiled, self-entitled young adults who scream for justice now. And their justice would be that everyone ends up equally poor.

Rather than everyone having the opportunity to pull themselves out of poverty and pursue a better life, which is what Capitalism and Fee Enterprise gives us, these kids would rather everyone be poor and oppressed under Socialism. Because God forbid, they see anyone other than themselves rise above it while they remain stuck in it!

But what they don’t realize is that with Socialism not only comes poverty, but oppression, lawlessness, sickness, famine, and death!

Remember that the only difference between Socialism and downright Communism is that people vote Socialism in. With Communism, people force it in by starting a revolution. Look up the Bolshevic Revolution that brought Communism to Russia.

Venezuela voted in Socialism in 1992. And they were a very prosperous nation then.

But it only took a decade for the country to plunge into the hell hole that it is today. Many people are trying to leave that country and come to the US for a better life. And if the US turns socialist, there will be nowhere else to go! The entire world will go dark! America will not be the utopia that these young and misinformed useful tools of the Left imagine.

In conclusion, my message to these kids, who haven’t lived in this world long enough to know the difference, is this:

Are you sure you know what you’re asking for? Are you willing to accept what comes with it?

“Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it!” And when you get it, you won’t like it! But by then it will be too late to turn back!

The Catch 22 Almost No One Talks About (I Wonder Why?)

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dreamstime_xs_17899897

Here’s another reason why I believe that the term “toxic masculinity” is a bogus term.

Many times, you have a situation, which almost no one talks about and is too often ignored- female bullying against male targets and why society gives male targets a bum rap.

I cannot count the stories I’ve both read and heard about males being harassed and abused by vicious females…boys and young men, who are, under normal circumstances, kind and caring but only pushed too far by their female tormentors before they finally have enough and strike back to defend themselves.

Unfortunately, after having been bullied for so long, the pressure builds to a breaking point. The poor guy finally decides that enough is enough and hits the girl back after she hits him first. As a result, HE gets the blame simply because he is a male.

Because the girl knows very well that society protects females due to the still widely-held belief that females are the weaker sex, she uses it to her own advantage by playing the “woman card” and feigning victimhood- complete with crocodile tears, rationalization and projecting blame onto her victim.

female bullies bitches

The conniving and cunning female also deceives by acting sweet and innocent in the presence of the right people. She is silver-tongued. Therefore, she is a pro at spinning a convincing story to deceive authority while demonizing her male target, all to avoid being held responsible.

Although the poor target is actually a great guy with good morals, values, and ethics; to bystanders and authority, he is just another punk, who goes around beating up on girls/women. He ends up either being suspended/expelled from school, or arrested and charged as a criminal, while his female bully looks on with a smirk of gratification on her face. She then escapes punishment and goes on to select yet another male victim. Thus, the cycle continues.

If the young man didn’t hit her back, but only restrained her to protect himself, he would still be dehumanized and punished because he simply laid hands on her. Yes. You read this correctly…if someone physically attacks you and you restrain them, you can STILL go to jail- just as if you delivered the first punch because your hands were touching the person. It is impossible to restrain anyone without touching them.

Abandoned jail common room in cell block

Interior of cell block in abandoned State Correctional Institution, or jail., common room with jail cells.

This is just a sad example of how completely backward school rules and the laws in this country really are.

Here’s a second catch 22:

A young man is being bullied relentlessly at school by a girl or group of girls. The girl(s)harass this boy for a number of years and during this time, the other boys also laugh and make fun of him because he is the bigger person and walks away instead of fighting back. They feminize him by calling him names, such as “wuss”, “wimp”, “pussy”, “bitch-boy” and other names which attack the male pride and strip away any masculinity.

The poor guy then reports the bullying only to be told to “man up” or “toughen up” and the boys only further shame him for being a “whiner”, “crybaby” or “tattle tale”.

Then, the young boy finally gets sick of the mistreatment and he snaps on one of the girls, battering her until her lip and nose are bleeding. Now, all hell breaks loose!

victim why

The target goes from being seen as a wimp to being viewed as a little punk who gets his jollies by beating up on females. He can’t win no matter which way he turns! He is suspended, expelled, or arrested for assault and battery. Also, the boys now want to jump him because he hit a girl.

The poor young man, although a victim, is now marginalized by the system, which is supposed to protect him.

So what other recourse does he have after having tried everything to protect himself and make the harassment stop?

My purpose is to open a few eyes and let society know that boys DO get bullied by girls…that more and more men get bullied by women. I believe this is because females are more prone to violence today than ever before in history, due to the significant moral decline of girls, which has taken place in the last 30 years.

However, understand that this article does not apply to male bullies, who go around physically or psychologically harming females but only to innocent male victims, who only want to be left in peace and live a normal life like everyone else.

narcissist

If two men are at odds with each other and they resort to fisticuffs, they usually end up later patching things up, then going somewhere to have a beer together. Not so with women. If two women get into an altercation, chances are that they will not let go of their hatred of each other. A woman is like a dog with a bone. She will cling tightly to her grudge against her rival until the heavens come crashing down.

In closing, I will tell you that women are not always the weaker sex. I’m a woman myself and I know first hand that when it comes to evil, women, and girls can be the meanest, most disgusting, most relentless, most deplorable, and most vicious of the sexes! In most cases of bullying and harassment by the opposite sex, victims who are male get a bum rap! This has to be brought to light!

It’s high time that we wise up, rip the fake mask off these vicious shrews and expose their misdeeds to as many people as possible in order to decrease the chances of other innocent men and boys becoming targets in the future.

Because, believe it or not, not all girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice.

Many Targets of Bullying Have Vivid Imaginations

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Ideas Vision Innovation Share Think Concepts

Targets of bullying often use their imaginations as an escape from the real world of bullying and abuse. It’s why many of them later become successful writers, actors, musicians, artists, and architects.

Speaking from my own experience, I too had a very colorful imagination, and I’ve come to realize that this is a good thing because, without imagination and fantasy, there’s no life.

Imagination allows you to leave your toxic environment and envision a better life. We may fantasize about having friends, saving someone and being their hero, love, sex, money, or winning an award for a good deed or job well done. We may also envision our future- growing up to be a doctor. We might dream of becoming a lawyer and winning a high-profile case in court, or of marriage and lots of children.

Without imagination, we’d be stuck because the imagination is the starting point to success and a better life. Imagination sets us on the path to realizing our dreams and aspirations. It inspires creativity and gives us pleasure we can’t get anywhere else.

Imagination also relieves emotional pain and boredom.

I believe that my imagination is partly what kept me alive during the years I was bullied. It helped me to survive and ultimately, find my purpose, my calling, my passion, and my life’s work.

Understand that without imagination, we will have no purpose, no direction, no incentive to work hard and follow our paths, and no hope.

If you’re a target of bullying and your bullies ridicule you over your picturesque imagination, please do not listen to them and never be ashamed of it. Because it’s the very thing that can take you places you never dreamed of and will inspire greatness!

Nurture and grow you envisions by continuing to daydream. This is something you should never stop doing. Keep being creative and your creativity will grow. Understand that when you imagine and create, you have hope and hope is the only thing that will keep you going.

Never give up your dreams no matter what others may say or think. And realize that the people who make fun of it are only losers with no imaginations or creativity at all and they only do it because they’re jealous of your awesome mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Never Believe nor Internalize the Labels Bullies Give You

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We’ve all heard of self-fulfilling prophecies or the Pygmalion Effect. It’s a phenomenon in which our thoughts become things. People also call it the power of expectation.

” What we believe we also become.”

When people (adults at work AND kids at school) are told they are smart and will do well, they usually end up doing just that. Whereas, if a person is told he is stupid and will never amount to anything, he will also live up to what he hears.

Bullying and life – pictured as a word Bullying and a wrecking ball to symbolize that Bullying can have a bad effect and can destroy life, 3d illustration

High expectations= high performance= high outcomes.

Low expectations= low performance= low outcomes.

Understand that bullies are brain-washers. They are repetitious in their verbal attacks, and if you aren’t careful after they have repeatedly suggested that you’re stupid, ugly, or no good long enough, they will force you to believe it too. You won’t even know it’s happening until it’s too late.

‘You see? A bully knows that if you tell a person something enough times for long enough, that person is more likely to believe it.

Understand that bullies do this on purpose. Their goal is to derail you, your goals, and your future by manipulation, to turn you against yourself.

Because bullies know that once they make you believe you’re worthless and can’t do anything right, you will unwittingly and ultimately live up to their expectations.

You must realize that any name a bully calls you, they want you to be. Anytime a bully tells you that you will never be loved, never be successful, etc., the goal is to crush your self-esteem and any prospect for the future.

Law of Attraction on Blackboard with Words

And people want to be right! Bullies want so badly to be right about you so that they can eventually point at you and tell others,

“See? What did I tell you? I told you he was a jackass!”

“I told you she would (screw up, fly off the handle, get into trouble, etc.).

“Uh-huh! What did I tell you? Huh?”

Therefore, should it be any wonder why bullies continuously bombard you with horrible names and accusations? If a person calls you a lowlife, they want you to be a lowlife because they want you to prove them right!

There is a reason why cycles repeat themselves over again! Everything becomes a cycle. What you expect is what you will end up getting. Even worse, it’s what you’ll eventually live up to. Always! It’s only the Law of Attraction at work, and it never fails.

It won’t be easy to do. It’s challenging to think positively and to keep loving yourself when you’re continually having horrible names and negative comments hurled at you from every direction. It’s tough to keep your heart open when the hearts of people around you are closed and locked tight. It feels impossible to love yourself when it seems that everyone hates you. I feel your pain because I’ve been right where you are now.

 

However, you can only break the cycle of abuse and negativity by continuing to love yourself even when it seems that nobody else does, by finding a reason to live when life seems hopeless, and by refusing to lose sight of your goals, your dreams, and most of all, your value as a human being.

Be mindful of your thoughts and always replace any negative thinking with thoughts that are positive.

If a bully calls you stupid, counter his statement by saying something as simple as,

“No! I’m smart! You’re the stupid one!”

You may have to work hard at it, but you can do it.

Relationship is the Determiner in Many Cases of Bullying

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It’s not easy for people to distinguish between the real bully and the victim. Bullies are good at making victims look guilty, showing only the victim the worst, most brutal, and evil sides of themselves while showing everyone else their best, sweetest, and most loving halves of their personalities.

The bully may feign sympathy and compassion for her victim by making statements such as,

“I feel so terrible for (victim’s name). I sincerely hope she gets the help she needs before it’s too late.”

Bullies accuse their victims of attacking them when it’s the over way around, and people can quickly get confused and not know who did what to who. That’s one reason it’s so easy to blame the wrong person altogether.

Many times, if you’re a target of such torment, whether people believe you or not depends on their relationship with you and with the bully. If the bully is someone they either like or love, they will take the bully’s word over yours out of loyalty. It won’t matter that the bully is in the wrong. And in many cases, people may know the bully is wrong and even witness the bully’s bad behavior.

Again, they still may take the bully’s side because “that’s their friend” or “that’s their family.” Or maybe they dislike or may even hate the bullying person, but they dislike or hate you even more. So, they choose who they perceive to be the lesser of two evils.

People tend to believe those they care about and disbelieve those they don’t care about or don’t know.

My advice for targets of bullying is this: It pays to have friends and connections. If you don’t have them, find ways of making them, even if you must establish those connections outside of the toxic workplace or learning environment.

They may not be able to help you with your situation in the bullying environment. But what they can do is help you feel so much better about yourself and not feel so alone. And self-care is a must when you’re a target of bullying.

Also, establishing connections and relationships now may pay off in the long run because if you’re a target of bullying at your job, chances are you won’t be working there for much longer. And maybe your outside friends and connections just may work at your next job, and life will be much easier.

Softened Statements Bullies Make to Cover Evil Intentions and Behavior

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­Euphemism- word, phrase or statement that softens a harsher meaning.

Seasoned bullies are well-known for euphemizing their words so that they don’t look bad to others. Anytime bullies soften their insults, they appear concerned for the target’s well-being, or they appear sympathetic. But, don’t be misled. In reality, they’re anything but!

Also, in “softly” putting you down, they are more like to get confirmation for their interlocutors (the other people taking part in the discussion) to justify their atrocious behavior. And when they get the confirmation they seek, they get with it relief and the green light to continue talking.

Closeup portrait unhappy woman giving loser sign on forehead, looking at you with anger and hatred on face isolated on gray background.

Here are the most common softened statements.

“I hope she gets the help she needs.”

“The poor guy, it’s sad that people treat him so bad.”

“I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”

“Bless her heart, she’s such a miserable and unhappy person.”

“I sincerely hope she can go someplace where she can be happy.”

I want you to understand that when your bullies make these statements, they’re not the least bit sympathetic nor concerned about your well-being. They’re only concerned with how they look and sound to everyone else and with putting on a good front to cover their true feelings.

The more you know.

When the Target is Made Out to Be the Bad Guy

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When the target has had enough of being bullied and abused, and he/she snaps and overreacts, bystanders and authority are often under the delusion that the target’s reaction takes away from the fact that people have mistreated and abused them for such a long time- that it somehow detracts from the truth that it was the bullies who drove them to overreact.

As a result, many targets stop defending themselves because of this very thing. It seems that every time they stand up for themselves, even if they did it in a calm manner, they were punished for it.

Therefore, targets feel they have no other choice than to stay silent. They are forced to resign themselves, stay quiet, and do what the bullies want, which is to allow them to continue to bully and abuse.

The fear of being made the villain, no matter what they do, supersedes their natural desire to self-defend. In their silence, targets hope that other people will see by their passivity that they really are, in fact, the victim. But, in most cases, this doesn’t work either.

The target is damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

But understand that bullies use this as a weapon. If they can make you look like the instigator when you defend yourself, they then become brazen and have carte balance to bully you more frequently, more severely, and more openly.

People will believe what they want to believe about you and if they want to think that you’re crazy, arrogant, whatever, there’s not much you can do but to not associate with them.

However, you must, no matter how they shout you down and no matter how they blame and punish you, tell your side of the story. You must speak out about the abuse even if no one wants to listen to it.

Just the having your say alone can give you such a relief. The fact that you got it off your chest and out in the open keeps you from internalizing everything and your self-esteem from being destroyed. This is all a part of self-care.

And when you’re against these types of odds, self-care is the most important. Realize that, although the bullies may never change their behavior toward you, they can never stop you from taking care of yourself. In these situations, all you have is you. So, practice self-care. Show yourself compassion and do what you must do to preserve your safety and mental health. Be your own best friend. Fight for yourself.

You’re worth fighting for. Don’t you think? I do.

Why Seasoned Bullies Prefer Psychological/Emotional Bullying

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PTSD

Why? Because this type of harassment offers easy deniability.

Unlike the physical kind, Psycho/Emotional bullying is less evident to others outside the bully-victim dynamic because it leaves no visible bruises, cuts, or wounds. Therefore, the target has no proof that any bullying ever took place. The bullies can easily deny any incidences if the victim becomes fed up and either assert themselves or reports the harassment to an authority figure.

Afterward, the bullies can brand the target as mentally unstable, destroy his/her credibility, reputation, and relationships, then retaliate against the victim by continuing and escalating the harassment later.

Remember that the most talented bullies are the biggest cowards and the most successful actors and actresses. They have methods of harassment that are well-planned in advance.

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They go to great lengths to prevent themselves from being exposed. They’re incredibly crafty, committing their attacks ever so slowly and subtly, undercover and behind a veil of superficial charm, fake playfulness, and deceit.

These types of bullies are often in the Preppy/Popular crowd at school or in the Good Ole’ Boy Clique at work because of their superior social skills, ability to read people and predict others’ reactions. They have a talent for keeping up appearances.

They are usually well-liked by teachers, school staff, supervisors, managers, and CEOs. They excel in studies, join clubs or sororities/fraternities, and make themselves out to be high performers at work by stealing others’ ideas and work.

Because their popularity and extreme likeability serve as a shield from accountability and add a lot of weight to their lies and deceit, they often get away with bullying others.

If you live in a small town, they likely come from families who have powerful connections, which is all the more reason why they must keep up appearances. Many of these kinds of harassers are highly skilled wordsmiths, which is why they are such good liars and seem to have the right answer or justification for anything.

Bullies of this kind also have followers. They’re too chicken to get their hands dirty, so if they want to cause any physical harm to their target, they will often send one of their sycophants to do it for them, being sure to offer money and social status as possible incentives to get the job done and stay quiet.

But understand that most of their followers don’t like them; they only kiss and cover their butts to get something from them- their approval and the power and social status that comes with it.

Bullies on top of the pecking order will also use their social skills to take advantage of the mentally disabled (kids with Down’s Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, Traumatic Brain Injury, etc.) and the physically disabled (kids with Diabetes, Lupus, heart defects, and food allergies; kids who are paraplegic, etc.).

They also target kids with weight issues (overweight or underweight), those with low self-esteem, or those younger and smaller.

And most of the abuse they dish out to these kids is strictly psychological or emotional because they’re such cowards! Otherwise, they wouldn’t select such vulnerable kids to push around in the first place.

Since you have to go to school or work with these types and there is no way to avoid these types of people or to go no-contact, I want you to see through these self-entitled, self-absorbed, and self-satisfied wimps so that you can learn their weaknesses and expose them for your own protection.

You must get into the minds of these bullies. You must think as they do even though it’s not a pleasant place to properly defend yourself, and I’ll tell you! The souls of such people can be downright ugly!

Sometimes it takes getting just as low, just as sneaky, and just as nasty as your attacker if you ever want to expose them for what they are before they back off.

The more you know, the more you’re prepared, the better you can protect yourself from such people.

Bullies with Social Capital Are the Most Destructive- What You Can Do to Minimize the Damage

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These are the bullies with the most social connections and friends in high places- the bullies well thought of (or well-feared) by a vast majority in a school, workplace, neighborhood, or community. They can be the “cool kids” at school or the “Good Ol’ Boy” clique at work or in town. These bullies can also be local politicians and businessmen or members of certain well-known families in a particular area.

Although money does help, these people don’t necessarily have to be rich to have these connections. I’ve known people who were quite poor who had these types of relationships as well. What gives them the power they have is their connections with the right people, which is why bullies in these select groups are especially dangerous and can do the most damage to a target.

These types of bullies proactively build a network of social relationships to re-enforce their power and get protection from any accountability for wrongdoing. In many cases, they already have close and well-established ties, which go back several years.

These relationships ensure that the bullies are well-protected and above reproach. Worst of all, they also give them carte blanche to ride roughshod over anyone freely and with impunity. These are the types who will watch you closely.

These bullies know they have good name recognition, and they take advantage of it. Any time a bully has a ton of social capital, others will not risk alienating them for fear of being the next target. And chances are that if they target you, their followers, who are secondary bullies, will only follow their lead.

Social Capital

In short, bullies can weaponize their connections and popularity!

This is why the most popular and well-connected bullies get away with deplorable behavior and can do anything they want to anyone. And they will take full advantage. If you become a target of one of these people, they will use their connections and influence to destroy every aspect of your life. Also, they’ll never stop coming after you.

Understand that these bullies are very influential, persuasive, and, most of all, convincing. Their names alone carry much weight behind them. They have trust, mutual understanding, and shared values and behaviors which promote unity and strengthen their group. When one of these people says something, others, even those outside their circle of connections, are more likely to listen attentively and take their word as fact!

I call these people “sacred cows” because they have such power and influence in a school, corporation, or community that they’re perceived as not to be questioned nor spoken against, even if they’re in the wrong.

With sacred cows, people may not necessarily like them, they may even hate them, but you can be sure that they fear them. So, even haters are careful not to speak against them publicly or within earshot of the wrong people.

With that said, if you’re a target of bullies who have social capital, know that they can make your life hell. They can tarnish your name with smear campaigns, and others will believe it simply because of who the rumors and lies come from. They can also cause the loss of your job and blacklist you, robbing you of any opportunity to find other means of employment.

These people can destroy your ability to make new friends because others will be too afraid to associate with you. If you own a business, they can either discourage customers from patronizong it or have their worker bees to set fire to and burn it down altogether. And don’t put it past these bullies to trump up false criminal charges against you, set you up to be arrested, or send henchmen to either visit you or meet you on the street somewhere.

Your self-esteem can also take a harder hit because of these bullies’ popularity, and you’re likely to be paralyzed with fear, especially if you’re a kid in school.

But here are a few things you can do to lessen the trauma these powerful bullies can cause and build your own social capital.

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1. Befriend and align yourself with other targets because you can be sure that you aren’t the only one these bullies torment.

2. If you can find people who were once a part of the bullies’ circle but whom the bullies ousted for whatever reason, that’s even better! These people would be the ones who have private and sensitive info about each of the bullies and their sycophants. They’ll more than likely be looking for a little payback and only too happy to give you the deets!

3. Establish tight connections with your fellow targets and with the former members whom the bullies booted out of the “social club” or double-crossed. Band together with them because nothing unites people like the shared anger and hatred toward an enemy.

4. Pal around with or eat out with them. Be sure you’re seen with these targets and outcasts and with as many of them as possible. This will provide you with a little protection!

5. The more targets and outcasts you connect and bond with, the better!

6. Important!!! Always have their backs and make sure they have yours!

7. Make friends, take jobs, and seize opportunities that are outside the bullies’ element. If need be and all else fails, move to a new area.

8. Tell no one of your plans, where your new job is, your address, or where you’re moving to. Sometimes, it’s just best to vanish!

Do these things, and you’ll be much safer!

Here’s How Targets Can Protect Themselves Socially.

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Yes! If you’re a target of bullying, you can protect your social life! There are many things targets can do to protect their social lives. Understand that social damage equals emotional pain. So, you must do everything possible to protect your social life because when you do, you automatically protect your emotional health as well.

Here’s how:

1.Establish relationships and make friends outside the bullying environment. If you’re being bullied at school, make friends with kids who do not attend your school. If people bully you at work, make friends, and forge relationships with people outside your place of work.

2. Maintain distance from your classmates or coworkers. Get your social support elsewhere.

3. Realize that your bullies, coworkers, and classmates aren’t the most important people in your life. They’re not the only people in the world who’ve ever known you or will know you in the future. They’re only one group of people who’s views of you are based on lies and false information. So, realize these people should matter the least to you. Your friends and positive relationships are outside that toxic environment, and there will be more positive relationships to come. I promise you!

“But how do you forge new relationships and social networks elsewhere?” You ask.

4. By joining interest groups, places of worship, clubs, communities, organizations, and classes. For instance, a kid is bullied in school. Although he may be intensely hated by his classmates, he could join a scout troop or a martial arts class and be very well-liked by all the kids there.

 An adult may be ostracized at his workplace but may join the American Legion, a Freemasonry group, or a church and find wonderful friends and a network of support in those places. The target may also advocate for a cause, take an art class, or join a music club

Just don’t tell anyone what you’re going through at school or at work. That stays where it belongs, in the bullying environment. Take time for them to get to know you. The only places appropriate for bringing up what’s happening at work are religious and therapy groups. But feel everyone out first. The goal is not to find a place to dump all your problems but to find one where you’re valued and respected.

5. Fake it. Appear calm and confident even when you feel like you’re about to fall apart. Only talk honestly with your most trusted.

6. Don’t vent nor gossip. It will only make you look as bad as your bullies. You’ll also look unstable. Distance yourself from your bullies. They’ll indeed notice it and accuse you of being stuck up, anti-social, or standoffish. But what they think shouldn’t matter because your focus should be self-care. And self-care is of the utmost importance when you’re a target of bullying.

Follow these six steps, and you’ll take the sting out of the bullying you suffer. And, you’ll safeguard your self-esteem, reputation, and your social life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!