The Risks of Saying No: 11 Reasons You Fear Saying No to People

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If you’re a victim of bullying, do you want to know exactly why you’re afraid to face the risks of saying no? You know the concept but would you know how to word it if you had to explain it?

the risks of saying no

When you’re a target of bullying, saying no is risky. Bullies use force to get what they want and they don’t take no for an answer. Here are the most common reasons why it’s so difficult to say no when you need to.

You will learn all the risks of saying no to bullies so that you can pick the answers that best suit you and your situation.

After you learn what these reasons are, you will better be able to face your fear of saying it. Even better, you will have the answers you need to conquer that fear.

This post is all about the risks of saying no and what you can do to conquer your fear of saying it when you must.

“No” is such a tiny word but has so much power behind it. It can be intimidating to say to someone and to get for an answer from them. T

Victims of bullying have an especially difficult time saying no to people. And why not? Others have bullied them into saying yes for so long that they’ve conditioned the targets to do it without thinking.

The Risks of Saying No

However, many people who have never been bullied also have a hard time telling others no. Why is that?

There are many reasons:

1.Many people, especially victims of bullying, were raised to believe that saying no is self-centered, rude, and disrespectful. 

When we were children, adults often forced us to say yes. Abusive adults often conditioned us to go against own rights and welfare, or risk worse punishment. It was “obey, or else.”

Many of us grew up during a time when we automatically owed anyone over the age of eighteen respect. It didn’t matter if the adult in question was being fair or not. Neither did it matter if they were self-serving and out to harm us.

Just by virtue of being adults, we “owed” them respect simply because they’d lived on this earth longer than us. We were made to believe we were obligated to give respect to any adult no matter how lowdown and creepy the person may have been.

Sadly, these adults conditioned us this way during childhood and molded us into spineless, submissive adults. As a result, we continue to get used and abused by our partners, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.

Moreover,  all our lives, people have duped us into believing that saying yes to everything everyone asks (or demands) means that we’re “good people.”  Moreover, we have received the message that being agreeable one hundred percent of the time shows that we’re being “respectful” and that we have “a good attitude.”

Saying No to Ourselves by Saying Yes to Others

Consequently, we only learned the hard way that it’s the exact opposite. What it really means is that we become suck-ups, kiss-butts, and wusses.

However, understand this right now. Saying no means setting boundaries.

If we don’t set boundaries, we only end up with self-esteem that was never given the chance to develop properly. Therefore, we place ourselves at the mercy of bad people.

2. Another Reason You Don’t Take the Risks of Saying No is Because You’re afraid of offending people.

Let’s face it, people, especially bullies and abusers, often become offended with things which aren’t necessarily offensive. Understand that bullies, abusers, and other toxic people have an overinflated sense of entitlement. And they will become infuriated if you have the intestinal fortitude to tell them no.

Moreover, how they react could be downright scary! Look for these people to lay guilt trips on you and tell you what a rude and selfish person you are.

Also, you will feel pangs of guilt because bullies will, more than likely, convince you that you’ve done something wrong.

However, don’t you believe it for a second! See the bullies’ behavior for what it is- emotional manipulation.

You must realize that the offense these people take comes from insecurity and the feeling of rejection. It also comes from feeling entitled.

This is why they take being told “no” so personally. But! If nothing else, know this!

Any indignation or anger the other person feels and displays is neither your responsibility nor is it your problem.

Therefore, walk away from the idiot and have nothing more to do with them. They do not deserve the time of day from you.

3. You’re afraid of letting other people down.

This is understandable. No one who’s a decent person and worth their salt wants to let down another human being.

However, if you don’t save a little time, energy, and resources for yourself, there will be nothing left for you. Constantly putting your needs and priorities on the back burner to accommodate everyone else isn’t healthy at all.

So, begin putting your needs before theirs no matter the cost. If you take care of your needs first, then you can better take care of others’ needs later.

4. You don’t take the risks of saying no because you’re afraid of being thought of as selfish.

Most people care what others think and many, perhaps, a little too much. Although it’s normal to want others to think of you as good, decent, and caring person, too many people feel they must bend over backwards to prove it.

This kind of thinking is unhealthy. It reeks of desperation and only attracts users and abusers who’ll only bleed you dry of time, energy, resources, and self-esteem.

Therefore, remember the verse in the song, “Self-Esteem” by The Offspring? The verse that quotes, “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care…yeeah…”

Nooo! What it does is make you look like a simp to other people.

5. One of the risks of saying no is that you take people out of their comfort zones.

And that is time you’d rather spend with your family, closest friends, and loved ones. Or it could be time better spent studying your lessons, working on your own pursuits and hobbies, or resting.

There are only 24 hours in a day and if you’re constantly prioritizing others first, your needs will take a back seat and you won’t have time left for yourself and the people who matter most.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential! It’s a necessity! Realize that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but that’s okay. So, be okay with it.

Be prepared for some people to call you “selfish” when they hear the word no come out of your mouth. But again. Remember that you’re not responsible for the way they feel or for their problems. And see it as you’ve taken them out of their comfort zones because they’ve grown used to hearing you say yes.

So, embrace it because these people are showing you exactly who they are and who you should eliminate from your life.

6. You want to help others because it’s rewarding.

This is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it. Helping others makes us feel good and has huge heart-rewards.

For example, when we help our family members and friends, it shows them that we love them, and we care about their happiness and well-being.

When we help total strangers, we do it because we care for our fellow man. That feels great!

The problem comes in when we’re so busy taking care of others that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves. When it reaches this point, life can get stressful and overwhelming.

Also, bullies, users, and abusers will take notice and try to exploit our generosity, taking our kindness for being weak and gullible.

These are things we much watch out for.

Realize that you only have so much of these commodities. Use them wisely and don’t waste any of them on people don’t deserve them or haven’t earned them (i.e. bullies, abusers, anyone who takes you for granted).

7. You forgo the risks of saying no because You have low-self-esteem.

When you have a low self-image, you’re under the false assumption that your time, energy, and resources aren’t worth as much as those of others. You believe that you’re inferior to everyone else.

Therefore, you quickly say yes to others when you want to say no. You even give into those who give ridiculous demands.

Many times, you’ll bend over backwards to prove your value. But worth is something you don’t have to prove to anyone. Worth is something that’s either there or it isn’t.

In other words, if you’re a good person, you have value. And if you have value, it’s already there and there’s no need to turn somersaults to prove it.

Here’s another thing. Saying no will actually raise your self-esteem.

In fact,  the more you say it, the higher your confidence will rise until you realize that you’re just as good as everyone else. Also, you’ll find out that your time, your energy, your pursuits, and your dreams are just as important as everyone else’s.

8. You want approval and to be liked by others.

Wanting to be liked and approved of is a natural human desire that’s hardwired in all of us. It’s how we make friends, connections, and allies.

Also, it’s how we nurture our relationships with family and those we love. We try to relate to and find commonality with others to get accepted.

Many times, this is why we say yes even when we’re better off saying no. Understand that, though you may get approval from others if you’re a yes-person, that approval will be short lived.

Why? Because people always come back for more and there will be times when something comes up and you won’t be available for them. Then what?

Therefore, realize that keeping your self-esteem and self-respect is worth a hell of a lot more than getting anyone’s approval. And trust me, any approval that has the fine print of conditions tagged onto it is not the type you want.

9. You feel that the risks of saying no Are too High. Therefore, You give in to the threats and demands of bullies and abusers.

Unfortunately, some people won’t take no for an answer. Bullies and abusers are such people.

These types will move Heaven and Earth to manipulate you into feeling obligated and saying yes to them. They will even resort to screaming and yelling at you, calling you names like, ”selfish, greedy, mean, bitch, asshole, and other derogatory names to get you to comply.

Also, they’ll likely hurl insults, severely curse you out, ostracize you, give you the silent treatment, or try to humiliate you in front of others.

However, see these reactions for what they are, manipulation and retaliation. Put simply, they’ve lost control over you and they’re trying like the devil to get that back!

You must be ready for these people to use these evil tactics to punish you or to make you cave into their demands. They want to make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or afraid.

Because it’s worked for them before. Bullies and abusers hope that you’ll give up and give in to get them to stop abusing you.

But please, for your sake, don’t’ cave in! You must continue to stand your ground.

Realize that, if you give into the bullies’ demands, you’ll only quell their hostility temporarily. Sooner or later, bullies always come back for more and thus, these incidences will become a pattern.

If Nothing Else, Remember This!

Bullies and abusers aren’t dummies. They know exactly what they’re doing. Believe me when I say that your bullies are fully aware that they’re trying to manipulate you.

They know good and well that they’re being abusive and yes, they also know that what they’re doing is wrong.

Therefore, never think for one moment that these bullies don’t realize what they’re doing!

As long as you remember this, it will give you the confidence, courage, and resilience to stand firm against this atrocious behavior. So, call it out for what it is, and hold your position.

Also, once you learn this little nugget of truth, you will be less likely to feel ashamed, humiliated, fearful, or guilty. You’ll see the bully’s behavior as a reflection of their own cowardice, insecurity, and desperation and this alone will make it easier to stand your ground.

10. The Risks of Saying No: You’re afraid of conflict.

One of the risks of saying no is conflict. It’s just how it goes sometimes.

Many people are deathly afraid of conflict. Targets and most survivors of bullying are especially so because they’ve had so much conflict forced into their lives.

 This is why they will make a complete about-face when they detect even the slightest scent of it.

However, you must realize that conflict is a part of life and there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid it.  Also, there are times when conflict will seem to hunt you down like a hungry wolf.

In other words, conflict is something we all face at some point in our lives. It is certain. This is why we must learn to be assertive and say no to people when we need to.

Sadly, for many of those who have this fear, giving into others is a quick and easy fix. Any time the other person shows signs of becoming angry when you can’t be available right that second, you’ll try to assuage them.

Finally, you will retract statements, change your mind and acquiesce. Don’t do that!

Never submit on the belief that surrendering to the demands of another is safer (easier). It won’t be easy. But continue standing your ground. Never allow the other person to cause you to cave in just because you’d rather avoid conflict.

11. Why You Should Face the Risks of Saying No: Because Saying yes to everything and everyone becomes a habit.

Many people have been conditioned to people-please and the longer they do it, the more entrenched it becomes until it becomes instinct. In other words, the brain continues to develop more neural pathways for saying yes too much until you become wired to do it.

 Consequently, once you become hardwired to overdo the yeses, it becomes an automatic response. As a result, you’ll do it without even thinking about it.

Realize that for some, not saying no when they must is a learned response, and it stems from many factors.

Therefore, the 11 factors we just mentioned are either some or all of the roots of your apprehension. The best way to solve any issue is to get to the roots of it.

Put another way, if you know why you have a hard time saying no, you’re more likely to know what to do to change it. And once you get over the fear of saying no and begin asserting your rights, you will feel more empowered than you ever felt before. I promise you!

This post was all about the risks of saying no to help you pinpoint why you fear those risks so that you can know what changes you must make to take back your freedom and autonomy.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2 Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

bullies

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

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You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

why do bullies bully

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate.  In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one.  You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example,  joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

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Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

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Do you often wonder whether you have fake friends or real ones? ‘Wanna know the subtle signs people give when they only pretend to like you and be for you? Here are the time-tested and proven indicators that your friends don’t really like you.

fake friends

Having fake friends can leave you confused, exhausted, and worst of all, depressed with a broken self-esteem. If you’re anything like I was years ago, you’re probably wondering whether you have friends or frenemies. As someone who’s experienced this firsthand, I’m giving you all the signs you must look out for to protect yourself from being used and betrayed.

You’re going to learn about all the signs of an undercover enemy, from jealousy, to gossiping, to trying to steal your partner, and more.

Once you learn about all these signs that you have fake friends, you will be more emboldened to take the steps you need to take to rid these people from your life once and for all!

This post is all about the signs of fake friends that every victim of bullying should know about.

Fake friends

There will always be those who only pretend to see your worth but really don’t. And some never will see it. It’s just a part of life on this planet and we shouldn’t waste another nanosecond of our time on those people.

However, some people are terrific actors and it can be hard to tell if you don’t know what signs to look for. You must know the signs or you won’t know who to hang onto and who to let go.

Before we get into the signs, we must first discuss the one prerequisite that comes before being able to recognize these indicators. These are things you absolutely must do before you can spot these red flags and put it to good use.

Prerequisite: Always trust your gut.

Your gut feeling, or sixth sense is something we all have. It’s that internal alarm that goes off in when there’s danger nearby. In other words, it’s that bad feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that warns you when evil is around.

This gut-feeling, or intuition, is triggered by the energy and vibrations the people around you put out. Therefore, if you pay attention, you’ll pick up on the yucky energy your friends exude.

However, be forewarned! If you aren’t careful, you’ll likely mistake that pit-of-your-stomach feeling for being overly-suspicious. Moreover, the little voice inside your head will admonish you. It will tell you, “Aw, C’mon! You don’t know that person. At least give them a chance.”

Realize that self-doubt is a tricky animal. It convinces you to go against your God-given instincts. In other words, it compels you to ignore your innate gut feeling.

Self-doubt is what talks you into ignoring the bad energy you feel when you’re around unsavory people. Consequently, you open the door and let into your life people who are evil and nefarious.

Therefore, Never Doubt Your Instinct when you suspect fake friends!

If you ignore these things long enough, you eventually become blind to the terrible vibes and energy bad people exude. ‘You see, the ability to pick up on vibrations and energy is like your muscles. It must be exercised to become stronger. In other words, if you don’t use it, you lose it!

Your God-given gut instincts are the last things that you want to atrophy. In this mixed-up world, you cannot afford for these things to weaken.

Therefore, you must trust your gut. Especially if you are a target of bullying. Never allow others to convince you that you’re being too overly-suspicious.

If they accuse you of being “p*ranoid,” that’s a red flag. Never listen when they tell you that you’re “cray-cray” for following your intuition.

If ever you pick up bad energy from the people around you, listen up and don’t walk. Run!

Here are the signs of fake friends:

1.You feel bad or awkward around them.

Energy doesn’t lie. Although you may not consciously know that the people you’re with don’t value you, you’ll feel it in their vibrations.

Therefore, avoid anyone who makes you feel that something is “off” because the vibes you feel are a warning. Realize that these people don’t deserve to be in your presence or your life. You deserve better.

2. Empty promises.

These people make all kinds of promises but never follow through. That’s a HUGE red flag! Again, you deserve better than them. It’s time to ditch and switch to better people.

3. Their words don’t match their body language or actions.

They tell you that they like you and that you’re the best thing since the invention of the wheel. However, they don’t act like it.

Instead, they run hot and cold toward you. Sometimes they speak, sometimes they don’t. Moreover, they may treat you like dirt or ignore you when other people are around.

Again, get rid of these losers!

4. Fake friends only want to be with you in private.

This means that they’re probably ashamed to be seen with you. They’re all over you when it’s just the two of you.

However, in public or when others are around, they ignore you and act like they don’t know you. Again, get rid of these no-counts.

5. You make all the effort in the friendship or relationship.

You are always the one to initiate contact, do all the calling, all the texting, and messaging. Also, you make all the visits to their house, using your car gas and your time. However, they never reciprocate.

This can get exhausting. At some point, you find yourself wondering if they really care.

Therefore, it’s time to stop making so much effort and let them do some of the work if they want to contact you. and if they don’t, there’s your answer. Find better friends.

6. Fake friends take and never give.

They only use you for what they can get from you, then disappear when you’re the one in need. Again, this is so revealing. Have nothing more to do with them..

7. They never tell the truth.

If you find that a friend has been lying to you, you have to wonder what else they will lie about. Therefore, it’s time to start choosing friends who are honest and let these people go!

8. They’re jealous of you when things are going well for you.

If your friends resent your achievements and successes, it’s time to cut ’em loose. You deserve friends who celebrate your successes with you, not ones who are green with jealousy and see you as competition.

9. Fake Friends get angry when you talk to your other friends or a family member.

This is a huge red flag! A true friend would never want to keep you all to themselves. True friends won’t block you from associating with other people who love you.

In fact, they would want others to love you too. Moreover, any friend who feels insecure any time you talk to someone else is not good for you. Get away from them, pronto!

10. They have nothing to say to you… until you Unintentionally piss them off.

Some people claim to be with you. However, you never hear a peep from them until you trigger them somehow.

Then suddenly, the floodgates fly open and all the hate and resentment rushes forth like a raging torrent. Be glad because this is how you know they were never for you to begin with.

Now you can weed them out before they do even further damage. Therefore, know your worth and get rid of those who don’t.

11. Fake friends always disappear when you’re in trouble and need them the most.

They’ll leave you to fend for yourself when bullies come for you. Additionally, they may not be supportive when you’re having a rough time. For example, fake friends do not visit when you’re sick or be there for you when you’re feeling low.

Again, dead giveaway. Steer clear!

If you see any of these signs, get rid of them…fast! This person should be about as welcome in your life as a turd in a swimming pool!

You owe it to yourself to let these leeches go!

12. They Take Sides with your bullies and people who abuse you.

If you friends defend the wrong people against you, realize that they were never even worth knowing. They only proved to you that they’re worthless and can never be trusted.

Your fake friends may have defended your bullies because they were afraid of being targeted themselves. However, that doesn’t matter. True friends stick up for you no matter what it may cost them.

Therefore, the last thing you want is a bunch of wimps for friends. I know it hurts when someone you thought so highly of suddenly throws you under the bus!

Believe me, I’ve been there.  Betrayal by people you think highly of is the most painful part of being a victim of bullying.

However, as painful as it is, you need to realize that not everyone is worth your time. Not everyone deserves your friendship.

So, when people turn against you, understand that it’s only the trash taking itself out!

Therefore, what you want are strong and brave friends- friends with substance! You want friends with the cajones to have your back and tell the bullies to go take a long walk off a short pier!

13. Fake friends will believe any lies and rumors about you.

Anyone who believes the worst lies about you and turns on you so quickly is NOT your friend. Also realize that they never had much sack, to begin with.

Again, take out the trash and discard them. They’re no good for you!

Therefore, you must weed out all the frauds and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life!

However, here’s one last thought to consider.

Great friends are hard to find. Because the strong and true are few in this world.

Realize that you must be picky when it comes to allowing people in your life. Why? Because, the cold hard truth is that most people really are a bunch of bagless, weak-kneed wusses.

Just as a girl must kiss many frogs to find a prince who’s worthy of her love, a target of bullying must weed through a great many wusses to find people who are worthy of her friendship.

For others to value you, you must first value yourself! And that means loving yourself enough to walk away from people who are worthless to you (i.e., the fake friends who betray you). Moreover, it also means loving yourself enough to be selective of people who come into your life.

This post was all about fake friends and the signs they give you that you must be aware of.

1. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

threatening group

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

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‘Want to know the examples of non verbal bullying? Here are the most common examples you need to know about.

examples of non verbal bullying

Bullies know what they’re doing. They know that if they can intimidate you through nonverbal communication, they can do it quietly, without drawing attention to their behavior. Moreover, they know that their victims are more likely to stay silent because if they report it, others are likely to blow them of as sufferers of paranoia.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about all the examples of non verbal bullying,  how to recognize it, and what you can do to counter it.

Once you learn about all these gestures, you will then be able to use your own nonverbals to let your bullies know that you’re not one who’ll be threatened by them. As a result, they will likely leave you alone and go find an easier target.

This post is all about the examples of non verbal bullying, how to recognize them, and what you can do to counter them.

Examples of non verbal bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

Moreover, this type of bullying can occur either at school, in the workplace, or anywhere. Here are a few such subtleties.

So, How do Bullies Use Nonverbal communication to bully you?

1. They lean against your desk, office doorway, car, etc.

Understand that when people lean against an object, they are, in a sense, laying claim to that object. Therefore, when bullies learn against your desk, car, or any object that belongs to you, they are non verbally claiming it as theirs.

Also, they do it to intimidate you and dare you to say or do something about it. So, how do you deal with this?

You handle it simply by telling the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

And you must address this the very first time this occurs.

2. The bully will sit in your chair.

Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair. Also, it’s important that you speak out right then, the first time it happens. Otherwise, the bully will think they can do it again.

Therefore, never let someone get away with this even the first time.

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

The bully may also pick your purse or notebook off your desk, touch your property, etc.

I can’t stress this enough! You must realize that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Therefore, don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

The bully may also walk up to your table in the cafeteria or a restaurant, pluck a morsel of food from your plate and pop it in their mouth without even asking.

Realize that when a bully does this, they are challenging you. Their message is,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Moreover, female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into people’s homes without knocking.

During school or business trips, bullies may go through your luggage and steal money, articles of clothing, anything from you while you’re out of the room. Moreover, if you have multiple bullies, it’ll be difficult for you to confront the thief.

Although you may have a pretty good idea who stole your belongings, you’ll never be able to prove who took them!

Here’s another nugget of truth to think about. When bullies claim ownership of your space and property, it means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

They will violate your personal space.

Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is doing one or more of four things. He is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenge you, or he is trying to provoke a fight.

Therefore, do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

5. They give you threatening glares.

It’s the look bullies give you every time you’re in their line of sight. That stare makes the hairs stand on the back of your neck!

You know the one. It’s that creepy, bone-chilling look bullies give that makes you stop whatever you are doing or clam up when they do it?

Moreover, they look at you so intensely that you feel like you’re under a microscope! What’s even scarier is that the person doing the staring is eerily calm. They’re so still that they don’t move a muscle nor even blink!

Those angry, icy-cold eyes relentlessly bore into you like a hot needle. Those eyes look as if they could jump out at you and attack you at any moment! It reminds you of a wolf standing ever so still and eyeing an antelope, anticipating it’s next meal! Weird, no?

Granted, not all staring is necessarily bad because if a person likes you and has feelings for you, they may also stare, with their pupils dilating and crinkles forming around the eyes every time they look at you.

However, the look bullies give you is much different. Their pupils only constrict, becoming tiny black holes in the irises of their eyes. Their stare is a cold, prolonged “I’m going to kill you” look which stops you cold!

Therefore, if ever you notice anyone looking at you this way, you must return and mirror the glare to intimidate them into taking their eyes off you. And don’t take your eyes off them until they stop looking at you.

Moreover, know that covert/indirect bullies are cowards at heart, and most of the time, all it takes is you returning the stare to make these people go away.

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

How You Respond to Non Verbal Bullying

If someone wants to harm you, they don’t have to come out and tell you. Just the same, if they want you gone, they needn’t tell you to “get the hell out.”

All they must do is glare at you and hope they can intimidate you into leaving. Moreover, your bullies want to make you think you’re about to get hurt.

In a case like this, the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Worse even, others might feel the animosity between you and personal history may ruin an otherwise good day.

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying at a party or get-together and suddenly see your bully locking eyes with you, know that this person is giving you the message that they intend to make your day a really bad one.

You have choices. Either you can turn tail and run, or you can spend the rest of the day avoiding the bully.

how you handle it is your choice.

But wait! Here’s another choice- a better choice! You can smile at the bully, nod your head, then turn your back to them. If you want to be a smart alick, add a wave.

Therefore, you will non-verbally send your own message back to your bully, one that is very clear. You signal that they don’t scare you. You also tell the bully that you have no intentions of running.

Instead, you intend to stay and enjoy yourself with the other people at the shindig. And you will do this whether the bully likes it or not.

Also, you can mirror the bully and reciprocate the body language. In doing this, you let the bully know that you’re willing to stand your ground.

Ouch! This is not the response your bully expected!

In that, you’ve responded to the bully without being aggressive or capitulating to their silent demands that you either cower or leave.

In conclusion:

Let’s summarize.

Bullies use nonverbal means to not only send you a cruel message, but also to make their bullying less obvious to anyone else but you.

Therefore, it’s better not to respond to nonverbal bullying with words. Instead, reflect your own nonverbals back to the bully that signal that you aren’t afraid of her.

Again, nonverbal bullying requires a response that is also nonverbal. And your response should say that you will not cower or run. Instead, you will stick around, ignore the bully, and do your thing.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

2. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

3. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

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Do you want to know how to overcome victim mentality? Are you sick of feeling like a victim all the time? Here are the time-tested and proven techniques you can use to shed victim-think and feel much better about yourself.

how to overcome victim mentality

Victim mentality doesn’t serve you. It only drags you down and keeps you there. In fact, victim mentality has a negative effect on all aspects of your life, from relationships and friendships, to business and employment prospects, to finances.

Therefore, as someone who’s been there, I’m giving you all the mind hacks that I and many others swear by.

You will learn all the details on how to overcome victim mentality. These easy mind hacks will boost your confidence and repair your self-esteem quicker than you think.

After you learn all these mental methods, you will be more confident than you ever thought possible. Also, you will be happier, relaxed, and more at peace with yourself.

This post is all about how to overcome victim mentality and will give you all the simple mind hacks that every target of bullying needs to know about.

How to overcome victim mentality

First, let’s discuss why victim-think is so bad for your life.

Now, it’s okay to be angry and to take time out to feel those emotions when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to need time to heal. And I respect that.

However, don’t set up shop and live in that yucky place for long. Because, if you stay there, it will ruin your life.

Understand that holding hate and trying to seek revenge over something that some creep did to you in the past is counterproductive. Moreover, it comes from a victim mentality. It also comes from feeling that the transgressor owes you some form of satisfaction, restitution, or atonement.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. This kind of attitude only makes you miserable.

I want you to realize that a victim mentality is never good because it keeps you trapped in an abyss of anger and hatred. Moreover, spending too much time in this state only leads to depression and poor mental health.

You feel like the world owes you. However, what you don’t realize is that even if the world did give you what you feel you’re owed, you’d still never be happy and you’d only want more, more, and more.

This is why it’s crucial that you know how to overcome victim mentality.

Take it from someone who’s been there. Holding onto resentment and hatred is no way to live. It’s a dark and ugly place to be.

Therefore, I can’t stress how important it is for you to rid yourself of victim-think. It’s the only way you’ll ever reach that beautiful place of self-acceptance and ultimately, peace and happiness. And once you do, it will be such sweet freedom!

You can do this! I’ve got faith in you!

Before we get into the mind hacks, let’s now discuss the benefits you’ll get once you put these mind hacks to practice. Now, one thing you must know is that you can’t one practice them one time and expect to reap the advantages I’m about to spill here.

Once you know these mental training exercises, you must get into the habit of practicing them every day. Then, slowly but surely, you will notice the benefits, and, here they are!

Benefit 1

You’ll no longer feel like you’re less than.

In the past, the bullies in your life may have called you the most horrible names in the English language. Yes, they may have pointed fingers of judgement in your direction. Moreover, they have have ridiculed and smeared you.

Even worse, they may have destroyed your reputation. However, you won’t stay a victim forever because their effects on you won’t last if you don’t allow it to.

Therefore, you’ll discover that you have more control over your circumstances than you know. This new epiphany will cause your self-esteem to soar!

You’ll also realize that you already have within you the delicious power to refuse to let their childish behavior define you. And that you’d had it all along.

You’re a survivor. In fact, You’ll soon find out that you’re more than that!

 You’ll be a winner! Because your bullies and abusers will no longer have the power to make you feel that you’re less than human. No one will have that power but you.

You’ll no longer be a victim because you won’t allow other people’s perceptions of you to determine how you feel about yourself nor define you as a person.

Instead, you’ll know who you are and feel good about it.

You’ll be glad you learned how to overcome victim mentality!

Your bullies and abusers may have taken your confidence away and at times, maybe your physical well-being. But they could never take away your soul! They couldn’t take your integrity, individuality, nor your freedom of thought.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t still be standing.

They couldn’t take any of the things that mattered!

How to overcome victim Mentality: Benefit 2

Another reason you won’t feel like a victim anymore is because you will no longer feel any hate nor any desire to take revenge. Therefore, your energy will better spent on your family, doing what you love to do, and working on yourself.

You’ll be too busy doing you and yours.

Moreover, you’ll look back and be so glad you finally got tired of being unhappy and unfulfilled. You’re eyes will be opened, and you’ll change your way of thinking.

By now, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, okay! Just get to the mind hacks already!”

Here’s how to overcome victim mentality. Finally! The Mind Hacks!

1. refuse to allow bullies from the past to take up space in Your mind

In other words, stop letting them live rent-free in your head. Don’t waste another drop of precious energy on people who were never worth it in the first place.

Know that when you hold grudges, you waste your time thinking about people who probably don’t give you so much as a thought. Why? Because you’re not important to them. Yet you make them important by having them in your head.

You give them power over the way you feel and over your life. Realize that life is too short and you only have one to live. Therefore, stop wasting your time on people who aren’t worth a puddle of pee.

Take your power back and use it to better your own life.

2. How to overcome victim mentality: accept yourself, flaws, quirks, and all.

Put simpler, decide once and for all that you’re okay just the way God made you. Realize that you need no one else’s approval, least of all, theirs!

Why should you care about winning acceptance from anyone else? Decide today that you’re just as important without anyone else’s say so. Who is anyone to decide your worth? Only you can do that. This is how you raise your self-esteem.

3. Make it your mission to love and take care of yourself and the people who truly matter in your life.

And that includes weeding out toxic people who are only there to use you and to see you fail- those who don’t belong in your life.

Also, know that you’re the only one who’s responsible for your life and the outcomes of your situations. No one else is accountable for these things.

4. How to overcome victim mentality: You do it by focusing on things that are important

 Therefore, focus on God, family, your closest friends. Moreover, keep your mind on being the best version of you that you can possibly be. Also, focus on your goals and dreams. Keep your mind on any projects you may be working on or anything you love to do.

In other words, focus on your hobbies and anything that you enjoy doing. Spend time with those who love you most and vise versa. Keep company with those who celebrate you and lift you up while avoiding the creeps who bring you down.

Practice self-care and create as many good memories in your life as you possibly can.

5. Lastly and most importantly, Forgive.

I can just hear some of you now. “Oh, she must be out of her rabid-ass mind!” “She must be stark-raving mad! “No way! They don’t deserve my forgiveness after the hell they put me through!”

And maybe they don’t. But you deserve it.

In other words, you deserve to be able to let go of the pain. You also deserve the freedom and peace that comes after you forgive those who’ve hurt you. Also, you deserve the blessings and good things that follow.

Trust me when I say that forgiveness changes your life for the better. You will see a dramatic improvement in your health, mental and physical.

Moreover, you will also see a significant change in your circumstances. You’d be surprised at the awesome blessings that come your way once you decide to forgive and move on. You will even have success in the things you set out to do and achieve more than you ever thought you would!

Most importantly, you will rise above anything your enemies tried to do to bring you down. And you will frustrate them because they couldn’t keep you down! Yes, that hurts them more than any revenge you could ever take.

It happened for me and it’ll happen for you too. I guarantee it.

This post was all about how to overcome victim mentality so that you can take back your peace and happiness.

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

bullying in school

Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

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‘Want to know the most common ways bullies in school tell off on themselves? Here are the statements they use to accidentally out themselves.

bullies in school

Bullies in school become emboldened once their bullying has gone unchecked for so long. However, give them enough rope that they will eventually catch themselves in it by the neck.

In this post, you will learn about the subtle ways these people unknowingly tell on themselves.

Once you learn about all the most common ways bullies in school rat themselves out, you will be better able to read between the lines and call them on it.

Moreover, you will more confidently expose your aggressors in front of everyone, including teachers and school staff.

This post is all about the many subtle ways bullies in school expose themselves and how you can spot it and expose it.

Bullies in School

Bullies with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are such good actors, aren’t they? They’re good at flying under the radar and going undetected. Also, they’re experts at making themselves out to be better than they are.

Additionally, they’re also masters at making you look like the fool or the bad guy.

However, the good news is that sooner or later, people such as these usually wind up telling off on themselves somehow, someway.

And they do it without even realizing it until it’s too late and the cat’s already out of the bag. It happens all the time.

In other words bullies, especially those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, grew a little too confident.

They grow so sure of themselves. Therefore, bullies get too loud, too obnoxious, too flippant, and then, in the end, they royally screw up.

And…oops! They unintentionally out themselves!

5 Ways a Bully will tell off on themselves without knowing they’re doing it.

1. Bullies at School Brag on Themselves.

Bullies love to brag on themselves. They especially love to boast about the power they have over you. In fact, the words bully and boastful are all but synonymous.

Moreover, while they loudly shoot off their mouths, they don’t realize that a teacher or faculty member could be nearby and listening to every word.

Most victims and bystanders usually don’t report bullies because they fear retaliation. Therefore, when bullies finally get caught and get into trouble, it’s usually because the information came from the horse’s mouth.

For example, a female teacher inters the girls’ bathroom, where there’s a row of about twelve stalls. A group of bullies are huddled in the stall on the opposite end of the door, loudly boasting about beating you up the day before.

Or, maybe you enter the bathroom and hear them bragging. Also, you have a hidden recording device on you and record it. You take the evidence home later that afternoon and make copies to keep on separate flash drives.

Then, the next morning you take one of the copies to the principal.

2. They Accidentally Display the Evidence.

This has happened. Maybe the bully stole the locket your grandmother gave you for Christmas.

Moreover, she thinks she has you too afraid to report her. This girl also thinks that, if you did tell, no one will believe you.

Therefore, she becomes so bold that she wears it in front of you and everyone else. She wears your necklace in front of you to taunt you.

“Yeah! I got your necklace! I took it! I sure as shit did! What are you going to do about it!”

However, what she doesn’t yet know is that, on the back, is a tiny inscription of your name and the year Grandma gave it to you.

Therefore, you finally get fed up and report the theft to the principal. When Mr. Principal calls your bully into the office, your bully claims it as hers.

Finally, when you tell the principal about the inscription on the back and he asks to look at it, your bully is busted. As a result, she gets a two-week suspension and the principal give you your necklace.

Therefore, understand this. When bullies get so emboldened that they begin bullying you openly is the easiest time to expose them. It’s also the time when they’re most likely to make a mistake and expose themselves.

3. Bullies at School Get Tangled in their own web of lies.

There have been many cases where these people couldn’t remember all the lies they’d told. As a result, they didn’t know what present lie to tell to cover up all the past falsehoods.

Therefore, these bullies couldn’t keep their story straight and ended up in a pickle! I’ve seen it firsthand and I have to admit. It’s hilarious to watch!

Therefore, do your level best to find the holes in their story as your bullies talk. Then, be fearless. Call them out, preferably in front of a member of authority.

Do it as you hear it by repeating what they say and then calling out the discrepancies. I guarantee that this will expose your bullies while saving you from taking blame for their behavior.

4. They get too emotional (angry).

For example, another bully targets your bully and shoves them. They get into it. You bully shouts to the other bully, “Don’t you touch me, I’m not (your name).”

Maybe the other bully uses verbal bullying and your harasser shouts back, “Don’t you talk down to me! I ain’t (your name).

Therefore, here’s the subtext. Any time people make statements such as these, they are admitting that you’re the victim of bullying and not them.

Surprisingly, no one else is likely to pick up on it, not even any teachers present. However, if you read between the lines when you hear these statements, you will see the blatant tell-all.

In fact, it will be so obvious that it’s almost sickening when no one else seems to pick up on it. Also, you will be able to call it out right then and there.

Again, you must understand that the brazenness of bullies is shocking. They are so bold; they will either unwittingly or admittedly tell on themselves because they know (or think) that no one will hold them responsible or stand up for you if you are a target.

Therefore, you must pay attention and recognize when your bullies call themselves out. And when they do, don’t be afraid to jump on it and tell them a thing or two.

It could be as simple as saying, “So, you admit to being the bully?”, “Ha! You just proved yourself a liar!” Or, “Wow! You just told off on yourself, buddy!”

This lets your bullies know that you aren’t as clueless as they think and that you caught it. Moreover, you send the message that you’re not too timid to hit them back with it.

So, be fearless and call them on it, the consequences be damned!

5. Bullies at School Go Too Far.

In other words, they take their violence too far and someone, sadly you, gets hurt bad enough to need medical attention. This mostly goes for physical bullies.

Therefore, in no way am I saying that you should put yourself in harm’s way, thinking that the bullies will expose themselves. If your bully gets physical, you are well within your rights to defend yourself and I recommend that you do.

Go the old school route and put up your dukes. Moreover, when you do, be sure to give that bully such a beating that he will regret the day he ever set his sights on you.

However, the point is that, yes, bullies do expose themselves by going too far with their physical acts.

Understand that bullying always escalates if no one holds the bullies accountable and they aren’t punished for it. Put another way, verbal bullying becomes physical and covert harassment eventually becomes overt.

Therefore, call the bully out. It’s as simple as telling them to leave you alone, or saying, “Stop bothering me.” Calling it out this way will get the attention of others around you.

In Conclusion

Bullies do escape accountability a lot of the time. However, the fun doesn’t last forever. Because, in the long run, bullies get cocky, then they make foolish mistakes.

I’ve known many a bully who got so sure of themselves that they started flubbing up. As a result, they ended up really stepping in it.

It’s how many of the most seasoned bullies end up being suspended, expelled, fired, or losing their entire academic or employment career.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to call them out. You can expose your bullies even more than they already expose themselves. Moreover, you can do it by calling out subtexts and pointing them out to others when the bully subtly admits their wrongdoing.

It just might turn on a few light bulbs in people’s heads.

This post was all about school bullies and how easily they unknowingly tell on themselves. Moreover, it was also about how you can spot their mistakes and point them out.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

2. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

3. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

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Do you want to know why fake friends stick around even though they can’t stand you? You’ve probably wondered that if they despise you so much, why they don’t just go away and have nothing more to do with you. Here are several motives that keep them coming.

why fake friends stick around

Fake friends secretly either don’t like you. They may even hate you and wish you nothing but harm and bad fortune. Yet, they continue hang around like a bad odor.

If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why they do this. As someone who’s been there and discovered the answers, I’m giving you all the must-know reasons to relieve you of any confusion you might have.

In this post, you will learn why fake friends stick around. You will get these answers in detail so that you can understand more clearly and take steps to protect yourself.

Once you learn about all their motives and intentions, you will then have the courage to stand up to these imposters and send them packing once and for all. Moreover, you will take back your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the reasons why fake friends stick around. The purpose of this post is to give you the courage to ditch these imposters and take back your peace.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

Everyone has fake friends. These are the people who only pretend to like them but secretly wish them harm and bad luck. Moreover, this individuals desire to be in our circle and get close to us. But why?

If they hate us so much, why would they continue to hang around? Why do they seem to want to stay right under us all the time? It’s like these people want to literally attach themselves to us and never let go! Yikes!

These are the people who slither their way into our lives only to end up betraying us later.

Here are the reasons why fake friends stick around:

1. To watch you closely.

You may not realize it, but these people have a strategy. Therefore, they do this deliberately to achieve their own evil ends.

Therefore, fake friends stick around to study your movements and patterns. They want to learn your routine. Why? So they can better predict any reactions and what your next move is likely to be.

Understand that to learn an enemy’s patterns is to collect intel on them that can be weaponized later.

For example, undercover cops infiltrate drug rings so that they bust them and take them down later. Fake friends are no different.

If you’ve ever read the book, “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu, you know that the most fundamental rule is to “Know your enemy.”

2. To win your trust.

They know that if you let down your guard and trust them, the more likely you are to let them in on your problems and deepest, darkest secrets.

Also, when you trust someone, you’re more likely to feel more comfortable making simple, human mistakes. Also, you’ll and show your less than desirable emotions around them.  And why not? If the person is a friend, they’re least likely to judge you.

In other words, this person will watch the target closely, then establish good rapport with them. Then develop a close friendship with them to lower any apprehension the person might have had in the initial stages.

On the other hand, if the person is a fake friend, you unwittingly give them fodder and ammunition to use against you later.

3. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: To watch you fail.

Everyone experiences failure at some point. And your fake friends want nothing more than to be around to see it when you do fail at something.

They can then smile inside and get the satisfaction and gratification they’ve been looking for.

However, if you ever succeed at something, especially if it’s something big, you will see their true colors come shining through.

For example, if you accomplish something huge, like making the NYT Bestseller list or winning the lottery, watch the masks fall off. These posers will suddenly give you the cold shoulder. They may even lash out at you, accusing you of thinking you’re better than everyone else.

Also, they might accuse you of having connections who helped you reach success, or worse! Cheating your way to victory!

It will hurt, don’t get me wrong. But you’ll know exactly who these people are and you’ll know what to do with this trash.

4. They want to know your desires, plans, goals, and dreams.

Why? Because if they know what they are, they know where to sabotage you and gain a sense of power over your life.

Understand that any time you’re bullied, it isn’t so much the bullies who are the most harmful to you. It’s the betrayal of those you thought were your friends.

That’s what hurts the most and can be devastating.

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Moreover, what makes this so crushing is the knowing the person duped you into handing over your trust.

You not only feel violated, you feel like a complete idiot for allowing the person into your life, to begin with. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Feeling that you, in a sense, allowed it to happen.

5. Why Fake Friends Stick Around is To feel superior.

Think about it. By continuing to put up with fake friends, you’ve lowered your standards and they know it.

Understand that, in a fake friendship, the entire friend relationship is based on conditions. Also, these types of friendships are one-sided. It’s about what you can do for them.

Therefore, they’re getting all the benefits of the friendship and you’re getting zero! To continue clinging to this type of friendship suggests to the other person that you’re inferior.

Also, it means that you’re so desperate for friends that you’ll willing to eat shit just to keep from being alone.

And you’ve got to admit. It’s pathetic! Therefore, stop doing things that are beneath you and holding on to friendships that aren’t good for you.

Know that you’re better than that. And you deserve much better!

Again, remember that for them to be superior requires you to be inferior.

6. You convenience them somehow.

Many fake friends continue to hang around because of the conveniences you bring to the friendship. For example, you let your friend girl barrow your favorite sweater only for her not to return it.

Another example would be that you help them move their things when they get kicked out of their apartment for failure to pay rent. However, when you have to move because of a bad break-up or divorce, they never show up.

However, once you figure this person out, it’s GAME OVER!

Now’s the time to cut off any benefits this creep may have gotten from you and end the friendship right then and there.

So, how do you weed these fakes out before they get the chance to betray you?

Here’s how:

1. Be yourself.

When you are your true, authentic self, you only naturally drive away the fakers. These are people who don’t need to be in your life in the first place. This is a good thing because they would only harm you later.

Better to rid yourself of them now rather than to wait until you establish a connection and get close to them.

Why? Because once you’re close to someone, you naturally give them the benefit of a doubt.  Also, it’s much harder to believe they would ever hurt you. Even worse, even more difficult to have the courage to show them the nearest exit.

Therefore, it’s better to weed them out now and save yourself that heartache.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

2. Voice your opinions.

This is more important to do today, than ever! Most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they find out that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do.

So, do you want and let people see the real, authentic you. If people around you don’t respect your rights to be a separate individual with an independent mind, that’s your clue to ditch and switch!

It’s true that we should always respect the opinions of others, even though we don’t always agree with them. However, many don’t live by that virtue these days.

Therefore, when people resort to ad hominem attacks when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance.

Realize that when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

And this is how you weed out all the fakes and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life! In cases like this, you don’t lose friends, you lose frauds!

Always remember that!

This post was all about the reasons why fake friends stick around to embolden you to ditch them, raise your standards, and choose people who are real friends.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5 Reasons You Have Haters

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“Want to know 5 reasons you have haters? Here are the most common reasons why haters are always nipping at your heels. (Psst! It’s not you. It’s them.)

5 reasons you have haters

Haters live to spite you and cause you lots of stress. They love to see you fail and despise it when you score a win. Even the greatest have haters. Therefore, what if I told you that having haters can be a good thing and you could use it to your advantage?

Most victims of bullying see haters as a bad thing. In other words, they see them as a hindrance to their progress. However, they don’t have to be. It depends on how you look at it and how you use it.

In this post, you will learn the 5 reasons you have haters and why it can actually be a good thing.

Once you learn all about these nasty people and the real reasons they pray for your fall, you will feel so much better about yourself. Moreover, your loathers will no longer be so threatening to you. In fact, you may even come to enjoy watching their childishness to some degree.

This post is about the 5 reasons you have haters and why they aren’t as intimidating as you might think.

5 Reasons You have Haters

Many of the greatest, most tender-hearted, and level-headed people in the world have a pack of haters behind them. And many of them don’t understand why.

Moreover, down through the years, many of theses people have stopped and asked, “What did I ever do to them?” or “I know I’m not a bad person and I treat everyone how I would want to be treated. So, what is it that they (the haters) think is wrong with me?”

I’ve got to admit it. I asked the same questions many times when I was young and it happened to me. But here’s a little assurance.

First, if you are one of those good people who certain others hate on, it’s normal to ask the same questions and wonder why.

Secondly, let me tell you: You didn’t do anything to them. In fact, you did nothing wrong.

Thirdly, what they think is wrong with you doesn’t matter. Moreover, what they think period doesn’t matter.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. In other words, I want you to know that you’re okay. You’re enough. And you’re awesome just the way you are.

I know what you’re likely to say next and you’re probably thinking it now: “But there’s got to be some reason they hate me so much.”

And you’re right. There are many reasons your haters hate you. But those reasons have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

1. They don’t have a life.

Or they don’t have one that’s meaningful. Also, most haters aren’t what they appear to be. Many are life losers who have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

So, they have nothing better to do than to hate on others. Many of these types of haters are broke, jobless, partner-less, and live in their mommy’s basement.

Only they would never in a million years tell you this. In fact, they’d go out of their way to keep that hidden because, if it ever got out, they’d lose face and, therefore, lose much of their power.

Bullying you is their power because they can’t get it any place else.

Therefore, to feel better about themselves, they’ll troll your social media pages, make incendiary comments, and post vile things about you. If they happen to be local to your area and you know them, they’ll talk trash about you behind your back.

Moreover, they smear and slander you, trying to kill your reputation, your opportunities and prospects. These types of haters are bored with life and the only entertainment and rush of endorphins they can get is to cause drama in other people’s lives.

Again, it’s the only source of power they have left.

Therefore, these are the types of people you should feel sorry for because they live truly miserable and pathetic lives. And the only way they can feel powerful is to ruin other people’s lives.

Sadly, we have so many people like that today, and many of them get involved in the cancel culture that’s so prevalent. Again, understand that this is a last-ditch effort for them to achieve power. Unfortunately for the rest of us, it seems to work for them.

2. 5 Reasons You Have Haters:

They’re not happy in their lives.

This can go hand in hand with number 1. However, some people can have everything, a good job, a nice home, good family, and still not be happy. Therefore, what they lack is contentment.

Or, it could be that they aren’t happy with some things in their life. Whatever it may be, their attitude is this. If they can’t be happy, then by George, they’re going to make sure you’re not happy either.

In other words, they want to take away your peace of mind and bring you down to their level of misery. And you aren’t the only one. T

here are probably other people they do this to as well. Again, this person is a miserable individual and you shouldn’t hate them back, you should only pity them.

3. You have something they don’t have.

No one ever said life was fair. Some people can, and some can’t. Some have, and some don’t. It’s a hard part of reality that makes some people angry.

Why? Because they can’t seem to figure out how to obtain the things they want. So, they hate on anyone who has the things they (the haters) have been longing for and who has life a little easier than they do.

Moreover, this is probably the reason they don’t have the things they desire. They’re too busy focusing on what you have rather than focusing and working hard to attain those goals for themselves.

I know many lazy people who sit around wishing for things all the time. They don’t want to work for what they want, yet they get outraged at those who work hard and who end up achieving the things they (the haters) are wishing for.

The haters never stop to think that, if you want something, you must make it a goal. Moreover, you must focus on that goal and work hard, no matter how long it takes to attain it.

However, most haters either don’t want to work for what they want. And if they do work, they either make the wrong choices, or, sometimes, it’s just that life doesn’t work out how they want.

Nevertheless, hating only hurts them and not you. Why? Because you probably don’t know about it and if you do, you have the choice to not care.

4. 5 Reasons You Have Haters:

Jealousy.

This goes back to you having something your haters don’t have.  Moreover, it goes back to those poor souls not being happy in their lives.

Whether it’s an admirable trait you may have, such as the ability to make friends easily, or how you look. They don’t want you to have it.

Your haters could be jealous of what you have, or your ability to be happy. They want to take it all from you because they don’t have it and don’t think they can ever get it.

Therefore, feel good about it. This isn’t to say that you should be buddies with them, but just feel good about yourself, knowing these people exist.

5. Your good qualities are a threat to them.

In other words, you make them look bad. You cause them to compare themselves with you and see you as competition.

And if they ever feel like you’re winning over them, look out!

Therefore, realize that you aren’t at fault here. It was nothing you said or did to ruffle their feathers and there’s nothing wrong with you.

You are enough. In fact, you are awesome! Your haters only say otherwise to mess with your mind and throw you off balance. Don’t let them do that to you!

Moreover, they want to rip your confidence and self-esteem to shreds because if they can’t have the very thing that they want that you were blessed with, they’ll go after something you have that they think is easier to take. And that’s your confidence and self-esteem.

In other words, if your haters can’t rob you of the things you have and they wish they had, then they’ll rob you of your mental health. And they’ll attack your psychological well-being to balance and even the score a little.

This is how they operate. However, haters only win if you allow them to tear you down.

Haters can stress you out, yes. But they can also motivate you. So, be your best self and keep your haters blabbing. Think about it. Your haters are the ones who keep you relevant.

They’re your biggest fans, if you really think about it, because haters are the people who watch you the closest.

This post was all about the 5 reasons you have haters. It’s purpose is to make you feel better about having them because, if you have the power to make someone hate you without cause, then you’ve got some kind of power!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

friends

Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

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‘Want to know how to choose your friends wisely even if people are bullying you? Here are the exact criteria to go by.

choose your friends wisely

Choosing friends can be especially difficult when you’re a target of bullying. Because bullies have maligned you to others and destroyed your once-good reputation, you may not have any friends at all.

As a result, you can become so desperate for friendship that you may choose people who only come around to take advantage of you. Therefore, it’s essential that you learn how to choose your friends wisely.

In this post, you will learn the exact criteria you should base your choices of friends on.

After you learn which characteristics to look for, you will then be able to choose your friends wisely and shun those who are not healthy for you. Moreover, you will have the courage to give fake friends the boot and wait until better people come along.

This post is all about How to Choose your friends wisely and the criteria you should use when making your selection.

Before we go over the criteria, let’s discuss why people pick the wrong people to be friends with.

It’s normal to respond positively to people who smile at you and those who are or, at least, seem kind and like “nice people.” However, you should never take people at face value because appearances can be deceiving.

Anytime you’re a target of intense and chronic bullying, there will be time when you will feel lonely. Moreover, that loneliness can grow so much until you become too determined to have friends. This will leave you vulnerable.

Consequently, human predators will notice your vulnerability and they will take full advantage of it. But that’s not all.

They may even do worse! They may exploit and weaponize it against you!

Therefore, if people ritualistically bully you every day, it’s imperative that you keep your eyes open and watch out for these types. Also, never allow desperation for friendship trick you into lowering your standards. You must remain selective to keep the creeps away.

Choose your friends wisely: What Characteristics should you look for?

Being selective of your friends doesn’t mean choosing the type who only tell you what you want to hear. You can get that anywhere. Moreover, many people will tickle your ears just to manipulate you or soften you up.

It goes much deeper.

Also, it’s not about how much money or prestige they have- the hot car they drive or latest fashions they wear. Neither is it about how good they look or how popular they are.

It’s all in how they make us feel about ourselves, and the space they give us to grow. Even better, it’s how they help us to grow and vice versa.

Understand that you can’t buy things like honesty, loyalty, integrity, class, respect, and love. The person either has them or they don’t. And there are a lot of people with money and wealth who are as slimy as can be.

Here are the criteria:

1. Do they show up?

Consistency is key in a friendship. Do you ever hear from them? And no, I don’t mean pauses between visits. Sometimes life gets in the way and people get so busy that they go for several months without seeing their friends. However, they still maintain some contact even if it’s through social media.

Therefore, if you don’t hear a peep out of the person you call friend for over a year or two, it’s pretty good guess that you’ve drifted apart. In life, friends do come and go and it’s a normal part of life.

But, when you’re the only one initiating contact, that’s a problem. It’s a sign that you’re making all the investments.

2. Choose your friends wisely: Have they been there for you when the chips were down?

This is a biggie! Supportiveness is crucial in a friendship. If your friends are always there when you’re riding high, then suddenly disappear when you’re flat on your back, that’s a huge red flag.

Don’t settle for fair-weather friends. You only want friends who are there when you’re sick, broke, grieving the death of a loved one, or just having a hard time. These types of friends are keepers because, rain or shine, they’re there for you regardless.

3. Do they have your back when your bullies come calling?

This is another biggie! Real friends will back you up when nefarious people come against you. They’ll protect you from the unsavory types. Fake friends will only bail on you and leave you to fend for yourself.

Therefore, it’s crucial that you be selective. Because, when friends who disappear when you’re in danger, they only prove themselves to be sniveling cowards. What you need are strong and brave friends who aren’t afraid to stand up for you when you’re being attacked.

4. Choose your friends wisely: Do they respect you?

Do they treat  you as an equal or do they treat you as if you’re inferior? Do they throw backhanded comments and talk over you when you’re speaking or do they allow you to speak and respect your feelings.

Moreover, do they respect your opinions even if those opinions differ from theirs? And do they respect your time? In other words, do they get angry when you can’t be there right away because you have a sick child or parent?

These are the questions you must ask yourself anytime you’re in doubt about a friendship. Because if they have no respect for you, it’s time to ditch and switch.

This means ditch the friends who don’t respect you and switch to friends who do. And if you don’t have friends who respect you, find some.

5. Do they accept you or do they only tolerate you?

When you’re around friends who only tolerate you, you can tell right off. You feel awkward around them because you notice little micro-flashes of resentment. You’ll also notice that you’re always lagging behind the rest of the group because they won’t stop and wait on you.

Also, they make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to doubt yourself. Moreover, they make you feel left out and discarded.

You’ll also notice it in how they look at you and in how different they treat you compared to how they treat the other members. Even more hurtful is the fact that you’re the only one in the group who never gets an invite to any shindigs they may have.

 These are all clues that these people are not right for you! They’re a complete waste of your time and energy. Therefore, drop this bunch like a bad habit.

6. Choose your friends wisely: Can you trust them?

In other words, have they ever stolen from you or dated your partner behind your back? This should be a no-brainer. Anyone who does these things is dishonest and lacks integrity. Not to mention, they’re about as loyal as a snake! Time to give them the old heave ho!

7. Do they trust you?

In other words, do they judge you by your good actions and refuse to believe it when bullies and others speak negatively of you? This is super important. Anyone who automatically believes lies and smears about you doesn’t deserve your friendship and you should tell this person to get lost!

This bears repeating! When someone you think is your friend takes a bully’s word over yours, this person might as well be an enemy. Drop them like a hot brick!

8. Are they forgiving?

In other words, do they forgive you after a spat. Do they know that you’re still their friend even if you must go a long time without contact? If so, you have a keeper. If not, you might want to re-evaluate the friendship and make some changes.

9. Choose your friends wisely: Are they good listeners?

In other words, are they there for you when you need to talk? Moreover, do they listen attentively when you need a shoulder to cry on? This is just as important.

If your friends won’t do any of these things, it’s time to decide whether you want to remain friends with them.

In closing:

Selectiveness is important. Although media, politicians, and other talking heads trumpet terms such as “inclusive,” “inclusivity,” and such. However, being selective is not being exclusive.

When you’re selective of your friends, it means that you pick people of integrity and keep out the snakes to protect your peace.

Therefore, always keep company with those who make you feel the best about yourself. This means the people who want to see you do good for yourself, the people who point you in the right direction, and the people who remain loyal even when the chips are down.

Associate only with the people who love, encourage and want your very best. Reserve your friendship only for those who have your back! Choose the friend who is willing to walk through the fire with you.

They won’t block your path to success. You won’t have to fight for their time or their love. They will make time for you and give love freely. Therefore, be selective of who you let in your life.

This post was all about how to choose your friends wisely so that you can head off trouble before it comes and protect yourself from future betrayal and heartbreak.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

fight

Fight Flight Freeze Fawn: 4 Stress Responses of Bullying Victims

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Do you want to know all about fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction? Here is a detailed description of these responses that you need to know.

fight flight freeze fawn

Bullying can often force victims into the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response to save themselves from danger. So what is this response?

In this post you will about this reaction so that you can recognize it in yourself and know that it is a normal human reaction to danger. Moreover, if you’re a teacher, supervisor, or police, you must know more about it so that you can better recognize it in students, subordinates, and everyday citizens- particularly, victims.

Once you learn all about these responses, you will be better able to see them in yourself and others.

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction so that you can be able to recognize it more and tell who the victim is, even if it’s you.

fight, flight, freeze, fawn

These are the four components of the Human Stress Response.

Examples of the Human Stress Response:

1. Slamming on your brakes when another car pulls in front of you.

2. Jumping back when an attacker jumps at you from behind a bush.

3. Flinching when you hear a car backfire.

Again, there are four components to the HSR. However, back in the days of old, there were only two parts to it.

People called this human stress response the fight or flight response, which is the innate and ingrained physiological reaction to the threat of danger.

Humans have had this natural reaction since the dawn of time. During stressful, alarming, and dangerous situations, the sympathetic nervous system releases adrenaline into the body.  Therefore, you either fight when cornered or flee when you see a chance to run for your life.

This is an inborn survival mechanism that works to keep you alive.

Later, experts added a third component, renaming it fight, flight or freeze. They have since added a fourth one, fawn.

Hence, the four F term of today.

History

During prehistoric times, humans often encountered dangerous beasts like lions and tigers. Therefore, this activated the fight or flight mechanisms within them so that they could either fight the animal, or run from it to survive.

When the term “freeze” was added to fight and flight, experts acknowledge that people also tended to lose the ability to move or act during threatening situations. And when you can’t move, you cannot defend yourself against the threat.

Introducing, fight, flight, freeze, fawn

The fourth component, “fawn,” is when you do everything you can to please someone who is threatening you and keep them from hurting you.

For example, victims of bullying do this to either keep bullies from harming them or to avoid conflict. And so, the four components represent the response to overpower, escape, or decrease the threat to restore peace and safety.

Fight

In fight mode, you prepare to physically fight your bully, who is either physically attacking you or threatening to do so. Moreover, you fight when you believe you can overpower your opponent.

The adrenaline your sympathetic nervous system releases gives you a burst of extra strength to ensure that you successful fight, overpower, and contain the threat.

For example, a man pulls into his driveway at night and a robber approaches him. He successfully fights the robber and overpowers him to keep from being robbed and possibly murdered.

Here’s another thing to note here:

When it comes to bullying, the Fight Response is the most effective of all four components of the Human Stress Response. Why? Because it shows the bullies that you aren’t afraid to fight back. Remember that bullies only respond to strength and power.

Flight

If you don’t think you can win against your bully in a physical altercation, you go into flight mode and run like the blazes. The same adrenaline helps you to run faster and for longer distances than you normally could.

An example of this would be a situation after school when five bullies approach a smaller boy as he’s walking home from school. The small boy knows that there’s no way he could possibly take on five bigger boys by himself. Therefore, he runs to escape them.

Fight, flight, Freeze, Fawn

Freeze

This is when you feel paralyzed and can’t move during the threat of danger. Therefore, this is the worst of the responses. This happens when you don’t think you can fight your bully nor run fast enough to get away.

An example of freeze is when a deer is crossing a busy highway at night and a speeding car barrels toward it. The deer freezes as he sees the bright pair of headlights coming right at him. Therefore, freeze is the most dangerous and least affective of the four components.

Fawn

This reaction happens when all else fails. In other words, your attempts to fight, flee, and freeze have all been unsuccessful. Therefore, you do and say everything the bully wants you to in order to keep them from harming you.

This is a trauma response in that it typically occurs in people who either presently live in or grew up in abusive homes.

Moreover, fawning hides the stress you’re  feeling and prompts you to do what you must to appease your bullies. Your objective is to get them to calm down and leave you in peace. Therefore, it’s a survival tool for many.

It is this fawning that breeds people-pleasing behavior, approval seeking, caring too much about others’ opinions, co-dependency, and allowing bullies to manipulate and control you.

In other words, you appease their wants and needs, rather than taking care of your own first. However, fawning is damaging to your mental health because, in being too agreeable, you lose your sense of identity.

Put simpler, you lose your personhood. Why? Because no one will allow you to be a person- a separate human being with thoughts, feelings, and desires of your own.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What happens when you must live in survival mode for too long?

Sadly, if a situation of bullying and abuse persists over a long period of time, your survival instincts will reset to default. In other words, you’ll likely have anxiety disorder and by default, live with it even long after the trauma is over and things have returned to normal.

Therefore, this anxiety will trigger the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response even under circumstances that aren’t necessarily threatening or dangerous.

For example, students who have “Math Anxiety” are a perfect example of this. These students will study their assignments faithfully. Moreover, they do well and make high marks on homework assignments and even during in-class quizzes.

However, when test day rolls around, their survival responses overwhelm them, shutting down the logical portion of their brains and they fail the test.

This often occurs in abused children and adult survivors of child abuse. Moreover, it happens in long-term victims and survivors of domestic abuse. This is also an issue in victims and survivors long-term bullying.

Events that are normal and healthy stressors will too easily trigger these survival mechanisms. These events could be a college exam, a deadline for a work project, or your sister’s upcoming wedding.

The ease of these triggers is determined by your nature, past experiences, and the type of threat you face. Therefore, long-term bullying tends to cause victims’ human stress response to go into maximum overdrive.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What are the effects of an overactive human stress response?

An Overactive Fight Response

For example, an overactive fight response can trigger someone to get overly angry too quickly. In other words, the person seems to go from zero to one hundred in a split second. Many bullies themselves have this issue, especially physical bullies who use physical violence as the answer to all their problems.

This puts these victims at risk of being suspended from school, fired from their jobs, or going to jail.

An Overactive Flight Response

An example of an overactive flight response could be someone always running from conflict. People notice this and label this person a big chicken. Therefore, it only prolongs the bullying until the victim is in a situation where he can’t run. Then, he end up being injured or worse.

An Overactive Freeze Response

An overactive freeze response causes you to shut down during conflict. This is the worst of the responses because it endangers the victim of physical beating or dying from a physical attack.

An Overactive Fawn Response

The victim agrees to do what he’s told and agree with the bully to avoid conflict and the possibility of getting hurt. However, this only prolongs the bullying. Why? Because it satisfies the reward center of the bullies‘ brains. Therefore, they come back for more rewards later.

What Does the Human Stress Response and it’s four components have to do with bullying?

Bullying automatically puts the victim in survival mode and causes the release of adrenaline. Therefore, it activates the Human Stress Response and either one or more of it’s components.

This adrenaline interrupts the normal, rational area of the brain. As a result, it stunts the development of the logical part of the mind. In other words, because the victim’s mind is already preoccupied with the threat of bullying, they can’t concentrate on anything else.

This is why kids who suffer bullying in school often have grades that plummet. Moreover, the job performance of bullied adults at work are also likely to suffer.

This is how bullying affects the brain and why it’s so terribly unhealthy for victims. Bullying can affect all aspects of your life. It impacts not only your physical and mental health, but also your relationships outside the bullying environment, your finances, your love life, your chance opportunities… everything!

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses and their relation to bullying so that you can recognize and better talk about your experiences.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

2. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

domestic abuse

Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

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Did you know that bullying is abuse? ‘Want to know how they are one and the same? Here are the characteristics bully and abuse share that targets of bullying must know about.

bullying is abuse

Bullying is terrifying to their victims and leave them with life-long injuries and even cause death. As someone who survived and overcame bullying at school and in the workplace, I’m giving you the characteristics and long-lasting effects that bullying shares with it’s brother, abuse.

You will learn how the two match so that you can more confidently speak against it.

Once you learn these similarities, you will better be able to classify bullying as a form of abuse and see it exactly as it is. Moreover, you will be able to recite the characteristics and effects they both share so that you can contrast the two.

This post is all about the shared features and consequences of bullying and abuse and the reality that most people, especially victims of bullying don’t think about.

Bullying is abuse

This is probably a statement you haven’t heard much and you may even wonder how. Here are nine exact matches you must be aware of.

1. They both instill fear in their victims.

Bullying and abuse are designed to instill fear and anxiety. Moreover, bullies thrive on their victim’s fear to get a desired outcome from their behavior and from their victims.

Victims of both are usually so overwhelmed with fear that bullies can easily force them to comply with their wishes and demands. Victims are afraid that things will only get worse.

Also, they’re frightened of being physically attacked or socially ostracized. Therefore, they feel powerless to stand up to their abusers because they know that chances are good that they’ll suffer brutal retaliation if they dare to even speak up for themselves, much less fight back.

A healthy amount of fear is a good thing. However, victims of bullying and abuse are overwhelmed, even paralyzed with it.

This isn’t healthy because excessive fear only stunts growth and development. Moreover, it’s an invisible prison that keeps you stuck in life. An excessive amount of fear can also cause a psychological condition called, “Learned Helplessness.”

Moreover, the two can use fear of harm to induce classical conditioning in a very negative way. Think, Pavlov dogs and you’ll get a better understanding of this section.

2. Bullying is abuse: Both involve the use of force.

Bullying and abuse involves the use of force to get their victims to comply with their demands or not to say or do anything to make the perpetrators uncomfortable. Put simpler, the fear of harm compels victims to do everything they can to satisfy and even gratify (reward) their violators.

The targets often feel they have no choice. It’s either do what they can to please their offenders, or else.

3. They both include an imbalance of power.

This is a no-brainer. Bullying and abuse automatically strip their targets of personal power and hand over ALL power to the abusers. Understand that the perpetrators of both get a huge rush of power when abusing their victims.

Therefore, bullying and abuse are all about power and making their victims powerless. Thus, an imbalance of power arises if targets are too afraid to take a stand against their oppressors.

Understand that anytime bullies/abusers feel that they are losing power and control over their victims, they will immediately escalate the aggression to try and reinforce power over them.

For example, verbal or emotional bullies/abusers may escalate to physical bullying with beatings or they may destroy the victim’s property to get their point across.

Here’s a scenario. You have a verbal bully/abuser get in your face, yelling and cursing you out for a perceived slight. You get tired of hearing the tirades, so you put your hand up, turn your back on the person, and walk away.

Suddenly, as you’re walking away, your bully pursues you from behind and in a fit of rage, grabs you by the hair, and pulls you back before beating you up.

Therefore, understand that bullying and abuse always escalate! Always!

4. the goal of both is to gain power, control and dominance over another person.

Bullies and abusers love the thought of having absolute power over their targets and there’s nothing they will do to keep that power for themselves.

It’s a dark part of human nature. The one and only thing abusers desire more than money is to have the ability to tell others what they can and cannot do. In other words, they want control over the lives of others.

Bullies and abusers are tyrants and authoritarians at heart and they have an obsessive need to dominate. This is the only way they can feel powerful and in control. Always remember this.

5. Bullying is abuse: They both strip away your confidence, self-esteem, freedom, and autonomy.

Both bullying and abuse work to psychologically condition their targets. In other words, victims may initially being happy, strong, and confident people. However, bullies and abusers can slowly erode those healthy qualities and break down the target over time.

This is what has happened to many super confident women when they married abusive and controlling husbands. The women may have started out with a healthy self-esteem.

However, as time went by, the abuse from their partners slowly chipped away at their confidence and, bit by tiny bit, these women spiraled downward. In the end, the abusers broke these once-vibrant ladies down and the women became powerless shells of their former selves.

Moreover, it took a long time healing before these women could learn to make their own decisions again and feel free to be themselves.

This is what bullying and abuse both do to victims.

6. Bullying and abuse are repetitive and tend to escalate.

Always! Why? Because, sadly, most bullies and abusers get rewarded for their atrocious behavior. Moreover, most people, even those in authority, only side with the abusers/bullies and blame the victim.

It happens all the time. Because the target is usually the one with the least power, it’s much easier for bystanders and authority to blame them rather than hold the offenders responsible and risk becoming the next victim.

Let’s face it, most people, especially bystanders and authority, are cowards and butt-kissers.

Therefore, if bad behavior is what works, if it has always gotten them what they wanted in the past, then why would they stop?

Here’s something else you must know. Because bullies/abusers often get away with their abuse, they become more and more brazen with time.

As a result, they will escalate the aggression. In other words, they may transition from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse. Then, occasional slaps and punches may progress to full-fledged beatings and worse and worse it gets.

Therefore, understand that bullies/abusers don’t recognize boundaries nor limits.

7. they both leave lasting emotional trauma.

If a victim suffers bullying/abuse, especially if it’s chronic and long-term, it leaves emotional scars that can be difficult to heal. Targets of abuse often suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, excessive fear and trust issues.

Moreover, they can have problems in relationships and friendships later own and can even become suicidal if they don’t find professional help.

Bullying and abuse both have the same long-term after-affects.

8. Bullying is abuse: Moreover, both come from an authoritarian and tyrannical attitude and a place of perceived superiority and entitlement.

Bullies/abusers tend to have authoritarian and superiority complexes. In other words, they have a “Divine Right of Kings” mentality. In other words, they think that everyone else, especially their victims is supposed to bend knee and kiss the ring.

Another thing to point out here is that many bullies/abusers have Dark Triad personalities, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.

These people can be abusive partners in the home or sadistic teachers and principals in schools. They can be bossy classmates or puffed-up coworkers trying to climb the ladder at work.

Moreover, they can be tyrannical upper managers in the workplace or politicians and government officials in a town, state, or country.

Sadly, in today’s atmosphere, we seem to have a society where most people will kowtow to these monsters and carry their water for them.

Consequently, this only emboldens these human predators. Therefore, they will become brazen and keep pushing boundaries until they ruin the lives of many people before finally dying or are forcefully held accountable

9. Both involve unwanted aggression.

Bullies and abusers are notorious for inflicting unwanted aggression on their victims. The good news is that you don’t have to continue being a victim. However, this is for another post.

In Conclusion:

Bullying and abuse share the exact same types and features. There is verbal bullying just as there is verbal abuse. It’s the same with other types of bullying and abuse. There are physical and emotional bullying and abuse, as well as psychological, relational, and social.

Moreover, the features and after-affects of both are all the same as well. Therefore, the questions remain? Why don’t more people equate bullying with abuse?

Also, why do we continue to separate the two as different things when, in fact, they’re one and the same?

Feel free to ask these questions and do your research. Moreover, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

this post was all about the features of bullying and abuse as well as the realization that bullying is abuse.

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3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

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How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

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‘Want to know how to spot fake friends and remove any confusion of whether the friendship is real? Here are 5 tried and true ways to trick them into exposing themselves.

how to spot fake friends

Do you have friends who seem to run hot and cold on you? Do they leave you confused as to whether or not their friendship is real?

In this post, you will learn how to spot fake friends by using these easy methods to make them come clean. And the best part is, they won’t even realize they’ve outed themselves until it’s too late.

Once you learn these simple tactics, you will remove any confusion and see these snakes exactly for who they are. Then you will know to ditch these people and move on with your life.

This post is all about how to spot fake friends, get rid of them once and for all, and restore not only your peace, but also your dignity and self-respect.

How to spot fake friends

At some point in our lives, we’ve all put up with fake friends who cunningly tried to hold us back. These are people who very stealthily undermined our confidence and disrupted your peace.

However, fake friends can be hard to spot if you aren’t paying attention. On the outside, they can look like they’re really in your corner when they’re really only in your business. They may seem like they want you to win when, deep down inside, they hope you crash and burn.

For instance, narcissists are masters at duping unsuspecting people into befriending them, having a relationship with them, and even marrying them.

If you’re a victim or target of bullying, then you are all the more susceptible to being taken in by these social chameleons.

Why? Because chances are that bullies have defamed you so severely that friends have turned their backs on you and making new friends has become difficult, if not impossible.

And now, the isolation you feel is so intense that you’ll befriend anyone who smiles at you. In other words, you’re vulnerable.

Know that this is a recipe for disaster!

Here’s How to Spot Fake Friends

Are you ready for this? Here goes: You do it by being yourself, by setting boundaries, and by speaking and standing in your truth. I’ll explain deeper.

1. Be Yourself.

Too many people put on fake personas to sucker you in and get what they want from you. Therefore, whenever you’re confused about a friend’s intentions, you may have to conduct a test to see if the person really is your friend.

This can be difficult to do, especially if you’re a victim of bullying because you’re afraid of rocking the boat and pissing the person off.

However, you must realize that, if you’re a target of bullying, chances are good that most of your friends aren’t really for you. They only act like they are to either get something from you, or they tolerate you because they feel sorry for you.

You must realize that people like these can reek lots of havoc in your life if you aren’t careful! They can turn on you at any moment, stab you in the back, and disappear when your bullies come for you.

Therefore, for your own sake, give these fakers the boot!

Like Attracts Like

To put it plainly, when you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world- fakes, fraudsters, and imposters! However, when you start being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.

Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fake. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing all who are fake.

Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because truth and reality scare them to death!

Therefore, never be afraid to start being your true, authentic self. It exposes imposters without them even realizing it because they will react very harshly.

It is through their brutal reactions that these people expose themselves.

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: Set Boundaries.

This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes, especially when someone pushes you too far and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face and show your booty to people.

However, don’t worry about what others will think of it or say about it.

Boundaries always expose the fakes. Always! When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset!

Therefore, you will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you, trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others.

However, understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because they’ve benefited all this time from you not having any.

Do you think they want those benefits to stop?

3. Say no.

Saying no is difficult because it involves risk. However, it’s one of the ways you practice self-care. Moreover, it’s how you expose fake people in your life.

You see? When you tell a real friend no and explain why you won’t or can’t. They will understand and keep the friendship alive.

However, tell a fake friend no and they’re either get angry and lash out, or try to manipulate you into changing your mind.

Again, this is how you get them to show themselves as they truly are. Also, it’s the prerequisite to weeding out the fakers.

And when you make imposters expose themselves through their behavior, you instantly know who to kick out of your life and who to keep around.

Therefore, this is a good thing!

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: Succeed at something.

One way to flush out the fakes is to accomplish something. In other words, win at something.

For example, you win fifty thousand dollars in a contest, or publish a book and make the international best seller list. The money begins rolling in.

You can bet that the majority of your friends will be jealous and resentful. Many may turn on you and accuse you of cheating in the contest.

Maybe a few people you thought were friends suddenly stop talking to you or act cold toward you after you reap huge financial rewards for your best selling novel.

However, don’t feel bad. Although it may hurt, it may even break your heart, see it for what it is. These people are only showing their true colors.

Listen to them and do what you need to do to cut off contact because they were never truly in your corner to begin with.

 Know that real friends are happy for you. They cheer you on because they will want what’s best for you and to see you happy. These people celebrate your wins with you.

5. Speak and Stand in Your Truth.

When you begin freely speaking out about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. Moreover, you’ll make bitter enemies not only of the people who wronged you in the past but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but failed to stop it.

Sadly, even a few you thought were with you will suddenly turn their backs on you.

However, see this as your clue to which friends to keep and which to let go. Again, this is how fake friends expose themselves and their intentions toward you.

6. How to Spot Fake Friends: Ask for help with something.

It’s one thing when friends can’t help you on a particular day you need it. Maybe the friend’s mother or their child suddenly became sick and the friend had to take them to the hospital or doctor’s office.

Also,  your friend who had the day off to help you was suddenly called into work. Naturally, these situations are understandable and you should graciously respect that.

However, if your friend has a long record of either making excuses as to why they can’t be there for you, they stand you up without calling you to let you no, or they just disappear every time you’re in a jam, that’s a red flag.

Again, their actions and reactions tell you everything you need to know. Therefore, pay attention and see this as your cue to make changes in the friendship that you need to make.

7. Just Watch and Listen.

Many times, all it takes is just to watch and listen.

In other words, notice how they carry themselves and how they talk and act. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn by observing and listening.

Let’s break it down. If you catch them talking bad about another of their friends, stabbing them in the back, you can be sure they’re talking about you behind yours.

Moreover, if you notice that you only see them when things are going good in your life, then when you’re flat on your back, they seem to disappear, that’s another red flag. You don’t need fair weather friends.

If they’re into drama or always come around when they need something, this is a bad sign as well.

This last one is a biggie! If they’re quick to believe the lies and smears your bullies spread about you, then they’re definitely not friends!

It pays to choose your friends wisely.

This Post Was about how to spot fake friends so that you can get rid of them and take back your peace and dignity.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

 

shield of protection

Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

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Do you want to know how to gather intel on bullies and, figuratively, get to know your enemy? Here is a list of reasons why you should as well as an explanation of how you should go about it.

know your enemy

In this post, you will learn how to collect intel on your bullies and the reasons why it pays to do it. In that, you will learn how to get to know your enemy so that you can better predict and thwart their attacks to protect yourself.

Once you learn this valuable information, you will be able to better protect and defend yourself against bullies. Therefore, you will take back your personal power and your peace of mind.

This post is all about gathering intel on bullies so that you can know your enemy to protect yourself against them.

Know Your enemy

Knowledge is power! It’s also another way to take the sting out of bullying. You must first know the bullies’ inner workings- how they think, what they deem essential, their desires, and what it is that motivates them to bully.

Moreover, you must know the types of bullies you are dealing with, the tactics they love to use against you. Additionally you must know why they use them.

7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

1. To build a better strategy to defuse the bullying.

2. The information will serve as a buffer to your confidence and self-esteem.

3. To minimize the damage bullying causes your mental health

4. The information may help you to alleviate any anger or resentment you may feel toward your bullies.

5. To replace any feelings of hatred you may have for your bullies with those of pity.

6. The intel will help relieve feelings of powerlessness and help you feel some sense of vindication or justice.

7. To boost your confidence when you realize your bullies aren’t as bulletproof as they make themselves out to be.

Therefore, knowing all these things will minimize the damage to your overall mental health and wellbeing.

Let’s explain further by using a few examples.

Example 1:

A classmate or coworker is bullying you and you know that her best friend has recently kicked her to the curb. Maybe you have knowledge that your bully is going through a horrible break-up or divorce.

Moreover, it could be that she is being abused at home. or someone else is bullying her.

Therefore, with this information, you can be sure that there’s a strong possibility that she is only trying to tear you down to keep from feeling powerless.

In other words, when you know these things, your bully will least likely fool you into believing that there is something wrong with you.

You will then know without a doubt that her mistreatment comes from a place of her own insecurity and battered self-esteem.

Also, you’ll know that belittling you is only your bully’s desperate attempt to feel some sense of power.

Therefore, you’ll realize that you’re still a great person and your self-esteem will most likely remain unscathed. Also, it would undo any anger, hatred, or resentment you might otherwise feel towards her.

Instead, you will more than likely feel pity for her or even feel vindicated in some way. Any future bullying she might subject you to won’t bother you as much.

This will make it much easier for you to blow her off. Why? Because you’ll see her as being just another blowhard and not as perfect or strong as she has vigorously tried to make herself out to be.

And this will be a real self-esteem booster!

Know your enemy: example 2.

If your bully has NPD or has manipulative tendencies, you’d know that her ego is puffed up. Moreover, you would also figure that she’s a spoiled, coddled brat.

Maybe you find that she was mistreated in the past that she thinks she’s owed special treatment. Either way, you would realize that it’s probably best to avoid her like the plague and go no-contact.

Example 3:

You have a group of people who are bullying you because they are jealous and wish they had something you possess. This something could be talents, gifts, relationships, material things, anything, really.

Then, you know that you should feel great about yourself. Why? Because it only shows that these bullies admire you and covet the blessings you have.

This may sound strange or delusional. However, think about it.

Why else would these people seemingly go out of their way to belittle and crush your confidence?

Therefore, it helps to know what the bullies may be going through in their own lives. In other words, it pays to have a little intel about their lives outside of the bully environment (school, work, etc.).

Know your enemy: How do you gather information about your bullies?

1. Befriend and Align with the enemies of your bullies.

You’ve heard the quote, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Believe it or not, there’s much wisdom and truth to this age-old saying.

Therefore, there’s nothing wrong with aligning yourself with not only your bullies’ enemies, but also, other victims they bullied before you.

Moreover, it’s not a sin to get counterintelligence from reliable sources if it’ll protect you from being crushed under the proverbial boot of your bullies.

Slowly get close to and befriend your bullies’ friends and rivals. Nonchalantly get their enemies and other victims to talk!

Doing this will be a piece of cake because an enemy will be too happy to give up the details! Therefore, you’ll be armed to the teeth with info that will take the wind out of the bullies’ sales and the blunt force out of their attacks.

2. Keep Your eyes and ears Open.

Especially if you live in a small community!

Though your bullies may have trashed your reputation, take it from one who’s been there. Bullies get talked about too, only people never talk openly about them.

Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets, the talk is always in secret.

So, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others.

However, because the other victims find it hard to admit to being bullied and the bullies don’t admit to ever bullying anyone, you never hear about it.

Therefore, you mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.

Again, this is why it’s in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are and align yourself with them. Or, at least, hang around nearby and do some eavesdropping (without being obvious, of course).

And, boy! Will you find out some really juicy and embarrassing tidbits about your bullies’ lives!Moreover, you won’t have to ask. You’ll only need to sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen!

Know your enemy: Real Life Examples

Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly after all.

One of my bullies is now a nurse, and I am good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her.

In their words, not mine, “she is as incompetent as they come.”. Also, she has a big family secret, and if you’ve lived in the same town that she lives in long enough, you know what that secret is.

I’ll stop here to protect privacy. For years, this woman has bounced from one job to another, either getting fired or quitting when things didn’t go her way. She has also been through five, maybe six marriages.

Another bully dropped out of high school and ended up working as a waitress. She now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even. Several other old bullies are incarcerated or have been, with one being convicted of murder and another convicted of armed robbery, running guns, and possession of illegal substances.

Therefore, bullies may get away with their behavior. But keep up up long enough, and they usually get caught and punished.

Bullies Usually Don’t go far.

Bullies are only ordinary people. Yet, they continue trying like mad to keep up with the Jones’s, making everyone think they have beaten the rat race and failing miserably.

Most bullies don’t leave the town they’re raised in. Yet, they still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.

Know your enemy: This is worth repeating.

Again!

1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. This means striking up friendships with the other victims and outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. 

I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.

2. Listen out!

You will hear many stories about your bullies from the rest of the outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. Moreover, you will be surprised at what you find out.

It may be that your bullies get laughed at too. People are only careful who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them again.

3. Read expert books about bullies and bullying. The stuff you find out will shock you. However, it will also boost your morale and self-esteem!

Therefore, know that any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

And please don’t let bullies tear down your confidence and self-esteem. Befriend your bullies’ enemies.

Open your eyes not only to your great value and worth but also to the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on. I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.

This post is about the number 1 rule to know your enemy and the reasons why you should always gather intel on your bullies. Also, this post is about how to collect that intel.

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1. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

2. The 4 Stages of Bullying

3. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

4. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

5. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

physical violence

Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

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Here is physical bullying information that physical bullies hope and pray you never find out. ‘Wanna know these secrets?

physical bullying information

Suffering physical bullying is painful and downright scary. You know that if a physical bully attacks you once, they’ll do it again. But what if I told you that there’s physical bullying information that you still don’t know and probably haven’t thought about?

In this post, you will learn physical bullying information that no one has told you about.

Once you learn about all these secrets that these bullies keep hidden, you will feel more confident in yourself just by knowing their weaknesses.

This post is all about the physical bullying information that no one has likely told you but every victim of bullying needs to know.

Physical Bullying Information

These bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

“Nobody will listen to me.”

“I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”

“They don’t value me.”

“They don’t respect me.”

“I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”

“I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

1. They Are the Weakest of All

But that is weakness because people only submit because they don’t the bully to beat them up. In other words, they never do it because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm.

True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. Therefore, when people have a choice and they choose to do something you want is so much more rewarding.

Understand that physical bullies see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others. They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame.

They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets. These people then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. Therefore, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

Physical Bullying Information: Using Physical Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.

“(The target) is wrong for defying me.”

“He never listens to me.”

“She never pays attention to me.”

“That loser is not giving me the respect they owe me.”

By shifting the blame onto their targets, physical bullies can blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  Physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty. They seem tough as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being, However, they’re really weak.

In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm or seductive powers.

In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

2. These types of Bullies Feel Powerless. they’re are No Different Than Rapists

For example, the reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way.

Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively.

Moreover, maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting and repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to potential partners, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

3. Physical Bullying Information: Physical Bullies Feel Vulnerable during conflicts.

It comes down to the bully’s views of not just others, but of themselves. The reason these bullies use physical force and violence is because they feel vulnerable in conflicts.

Therefore, they go to the only problem-solving technique they’re most comfortable and familiar with- physical violence.

Physical violence is the only way they feel they can punish their targets and, therefore, restore their self-esteem.

Here’s another way to look at it: Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met.

And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you. You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

4. They Feel They’re entitled and that you owe them.

These bullies tend to crave instant and immediate gratification and physical violence gives them that- an immediate rush of power and dominion, a thrill, a sense of control and that they’ve won.

Many physically violent bullies are egocentric and have delusions of grandeur. And when a target sticks up for themselves against these bullies right or wrong, they shatter that self-image.

Moreover, if  the victim happens to say something, anything back to the bullies, it causes the bullies to automatically see themselves as on the weaker end. This is why they retaliate so forcefully.

It makes these bullies feel weak and impotent. Therefore, they fly into a rage and use violence to restore that sense of power and invincibility.

Understand that these types of people are self-serving. Moreover, they feel superior to anyone else. Therefore, they think they have innate entitlements that supersede even the most basic human rights of their targets.

Physical Bullies Expect their victims to “Take it.”

In other words, these bullies believe they’re entitled to harm their targets.  On the other hand, their targets are just supposed to “shut up and take it.” ‘Just take the abuse without question or protest.

Therefore, when the victim opposes and protests the abuse, the bullies will take it as a challenge and an insult. As a result, they will use forceful and violent measures to take the target down.

5. Physical Bullying Information: Physical Bullies are Sadistic.

These people derive feelings of pleasure when beating up their targets and feel no shame unless they’re found out by the wrong people.

Moreover, they are open with their violence and do not fear retaliation nor accountability. Why? Because they know that most others are too scared to address the behavior and confront them.

As mentioned earlier, physical bullies with NPD have no qualms about asserting their dominance over others. They feel their entitlements are supreme to your basic rights.

Therefore, they confidently encroach on your time, your space, and your safety. Where most people would feel guilt and shame over hurting someone, physical bullies with NPD only feel powerful and victorious.

These bullies have a low threshold for frustration and will make their targets pay dearly for frustrating them.

Sadly, there isn’t much you can do to help these types of people. People with narcissistic personality disorder are resistant to any help or change. Consequently, those who are physically violent usually end up in prison for battery or murder.

However, there are a few things you can try if you’re the type who doesn’t like to fight.

Talk your way out of the altercation.

Do this if the bully threatens you with physical violence.

Give the bully a small dose of (false) empathy and sympathy. Pretend like you feel bad for “the poor guy” and use the appropriate tone of voice and body language to make it sound convincing.

Also, your body language and tone should match your words and convey empathy.

For example, you can begin with, “I understand why your upset about XYZ…” then state your case.

But don’t overdo it! Don’t say any more than what you need to say, don’t talk too fast or look nervous. The last thing you want is to come off like you’re trying too hard because the bully will only think you’re scared or fake.

If talking doesn’t work, leave the situation (if possible).

Find a way to get way away from the person. If you can’t get away because the bully has either cornered or trapped you, then, by all means, fight your way free if you have to.

Although you may not want to resort to hitting back, sometimes you have no choice. You either fight or get your butt handed to you.

Physical Bullying Information: Call for help. Call 911 and get the police involved.

The bully may get away with it, but at least you will have a record of the call and a police report on file should the bully come after you again.

You can’t go wrong with establishing a recorded history of bad behavior. A trail of records will go a long way in protecting you. Also, it helps to have foreknowledge of the 3 signs that verbal abuse will turn physical.

If all else fails, FIGHT!

And fight like hell! Sock the bully in the nose! Sometimes, you must use the last resort for self-defense. You’ve tried everything else so you have a record on the bully.

Also, chances are that others will know you fought in self-defense and give you a pass. This is another benefit to establishing a recorded history of your bully’s bad behavior.

However, if you get blamed and punished for defending yourself, know that you were in the right. Never let anyone convince you that you were wrong.

The purpose of this post was to give you the physical bullying information that almost no one else thinks about to give you something to boost your confidence level.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

blame

Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

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Do you want to know how to stop victim blaming by knowing and calling out the reasons why people blame targets for the bad behavior of others? Here are 7 proven reasons why bystanders are so quick to blame victims when other people bully them.

stop victim blaming

Being blamed for other people’s abuse of you frustrates you and breaks your heart so much more than the initial abuse itself. This is why it’s imperative that we stop victim blaming. Also, we must pause and listen to targets when they speak out against their abusers.

Also, it’s equally important that you be your own voice and learn the tools to do so.

If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably searching for information on why bystanders do this. Moreover, you want to know better ways to call it all out when you speak out against bullying.

As someone who has been in the same spot myself, I’m giving you the reasons why bystanders blame you and side with your bullies. Moreover, I’m giving you ways call it by name and stand tall when bullies attempt to silence you.

In this post, you will learn how to get bystanders to stop victim blaming by learning the reasons why they do it.

Once you learn all these causes, you will then be able to call both bullies and bystanders out bravely and confidently. You will then become a powerful advocate not only for yourself, but for anyone who suffers bullying and abuse.

This post is all about how to get others to stop victim-blaming by knowing and calling out the reasons why they do it.

Why won’t they Stop victim blaming?

One thing I’m certain of is that every target of bullying, has at some point asked either themselves or another person these questions: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here are the answers, and there are many:

1. Bullies are very convincing liars.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, they are master manipulators who acquire great skill in the arts of deception.

Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

2. Bullies are masters at projection.

In other words, they project all their faults and shortcomings onto their targets. In doing this, they successfully reverse the roles, making the target look like the bully and themselves the victim.

Anytime bullies and abusers face possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry, feigning victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

3. Why Don’t Bystanders Stop Victim Blaming?

Bullies are very charming to the right people.

Consequently, people can use this as another weapon against a target. Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Nevertheless, they have a way of winning people over and making them their allies.

“How are charming bullies able to use their good reputations as weapons?” you may wonder. Here’s a simple explanation.

 When the bully has a good name among the majority, it’s much easier for her to fool everyone (except the target). Others find it hard to believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone.

Moreover, take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves. No one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

4. Because this person has so many friends who cherish them.

And the sad reality is this. Even if the bully’s friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will still more than likely cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on you.

5. Another reason why witnesses won’t stop victim blaming. There is strength in numbers.

Unfortunately, most bullies have a large number of friends behind them. And people in large numbers wield a cumulative power that can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent of targets.

In other words, if enough people actively hate a certain person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

6. Bullies use gaslighting.

In other words, they try to make you feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips or hurling insults. Also, bullies try to convince you that it’s your own fault or that the abuse is just your imagination.

Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Moreover, bullies will deny their abuse and trivialize everything you are experiencing. “Don’t believe your eyes, ears, nor how you feel. You’re too sensitive.”

Perhaps THE most effective gaslighting tactics bullies use is to make you look like you have a mental imbalance.

Why? Because the tough reality is that there’s nothing that will discredit you more than the mental illness label. Nothing!

7. Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility:

Moreover, they recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you. They do this by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you.

This occurs to targets regularly in school, the workplace, and in communities. Many times, this is how bullies retaliate against victims who have the gall to stand up to them.

Bullies hate it when you begin refusing to take their abuse.

8. Why Won’t They Stop Victim Blaming?

Blaming the Victim Appeals to the Self-Interests of the entity in charge.

For example, if it’s a school, the bullies may excel academically or be stars of one of the school’s sports teams. Schools have a vested interest in their sports teams and want to win championships. Why? Because it bolsters the school’s image.

Also, if the school has a low number of dropouts and high graduation rate, particularly those who are candidates for colleges, this also reflects highly on the school.

And if the school has a great reputation, the larger number of attending students they’re likely to have, and the more parents likely would want their kids to attend. And the more students they have, the more funding the school gets from their state.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

So, right or wrong, why would the school side with anyone other than its brightest stars and highest achievers?

I want you to realize that in most cases of bullying, it’s not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about who is perceived to have the most power.

Again, most people care less about right and wrong. What they care about is power and how you can benefit them in some way, shape, or form.

“What’s in it for me?”

Why Would they stop victim blaming? They’ve gotten lots of advantages from it.

Bullies get several benefits from victim-Blaming.

1. Bullies use it to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most who have been in school have a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal.

However, too many fights, provoke or unprovoked, victims risk the chance of people labeling them “troublemakers.”

2. Destroying the target’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of them being listened to. Bullies can’t chance the target running and “snitching” to members of the authority.

Therefore, this protects them from discipline at school or work. Moreover, it allows them the freedom to do whatever they want to the target whenever they feel like it.

3. Bullies and abusers also use this tactic to silence the target. Also, they mean to make victims afraid to report the bullying or speak out about it.

Targets get the blame because, sadly, the attitudes of most bystanders and members of authority are these:

“Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?”

“Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

“She’s a lowlife, so she deserves it!”

After all, who will look any further than the child with the worst reputation at school or the employee who isn’t much of a team player? They’re the easiest to point the guilty finger at anytime a confrontation arises?

In other words, if people expect trouble to come from a certain place, that is where they’re going to look. Therefore, the target is under suspicion and the bully gets off scot-free.

Again, it’s all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and, therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

Targets not only need the confidence to fight bullying but also knowledge of bullies. The first step of defense is knowing the mindsets and intentions of bullies and the tactics they use.

This post is all about the reasons why Bystanders and authority victim-Blame and how targets can persuade others to stop victim blaming.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For