3 Ingredients Bullies Use to Build Their Image of Perfection

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We all know that bullies are cowards who hide behind a façade. But what makes that façade? What are the exact ingredients that make up the bully’s façade?

Before I give you each ingredient in detail, let me tell you that bullies are like peacocks. They like to strut around and fan out their tails, showing us their prettiest colors. And they do this to collect admirers, followers, and allies. That’s exactly what the bully’s façade is used for- to draw people to them. And bullies are good at duping their cohorts into thinking that they’re perfect and can’t be touched.

Only their targets know what’s behind the facades- victims know the real people behind the masks. So, again, what exactly are the ingredients that bullies use to build their carefully crafted facades and promote those fake images?

Here are your answers:

1. Impeccable Attire. Most seasoned and well-practiced bullies dress in the best and latest fashions. These people love to be pleasing to the eyes because they understand that, sadly, most people are materialistic and beauty-obsessed, and everything is based on appearances. So, they wear the fanciest clothes, the trendiest hairstyles, the sexiest makeup, etc.

They show off these things to look the best and give the appearance that they’re rolling in money and that their life is perfect- all to impress others. Most of all, bullies also do it for one-upmanship!

And…here’s something else! Many of my bullies didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. Not that being poor makes a person bad, but!

Most bullies will go flat broke buying fancy clothes and sporty cars to pimp around town in just to keep up a fake persona. And they’ll be up to their eyeballs in debt. Many of these people are constantly having a hard time paying or failing to pay their bills.

They’re the types who will run to mommy and daddy for bailouts and handouts, yet they spend a fortune on clothes, hairstyles, manicures, pedicures, facials, cosmetic surgeries, you name it!

Because of this, I’ve known many workplace bullies who committed crimes such as theft, embezzlement, and forgery because they lived way beyond their means and got their butts in a crack they couldn’t get out of. And they got caught!

2. They put on a good show. Seasoned bullies are also the best showmen. They put on an act to gain admiration, support, or sympathy. They make grand gestures. They’re good at reading people and finding out their likes and dislikes and how they react to certain stimuli. They make themselves constantly hyperaware of the people and moods around them, then adapt to them.

You’ll often find these bullies standing in the very center of the rooms they’re in, and they’re the types who despise being outshone, outsmarted, or outdone.

3. They’re master wordsmiths. They use clichés, euphemisms, and loaded words to impress others with their speech. They also use big words to prove how smart they are when, in reality, they’re as incompetent as they come. They also tell people what they want to hear and say everything with conviction. This is why they’re such convincing liars and why they’re so good at making the target look like the bad guy.

But here’s something else you need to know:

Although seasoned bullies are very popular among people, they’re also hated and feared by rivals and enemies. And they do eventually get brought down. I’ve seen it happen many times.

Julius Caesar was one such example.

“Caesar had his Brutus and Charles I, his Cromwell…” – Patrick Henry.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When People Lump You into A Category Based on The Bad Behavior of Someone Close to You

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I hear these stories all the time from people who have a ne’er do well brother, an uncle who’s the town drunk, or a sister who’s notorious for being promiscuous. But whether your dad did a stint in prison, or your mom is perceived by others to be the town nut-job, know that these are things you have no control over and therefore, are not your responsibility. You aren’t defined by the lousy choices or unfortunate circumstances of a few relatives.

Yes, I know that the judgement people heap on top of you hurts and hurts terribly, but I want you to know that you’re an innocent person in all of it. You’re an individual and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of anything because you’ve done nothing wrong. Realize that humans have a bad habit of lumping people into categories, whether justly or unjustly. And they’re wrong for painting you with the same brush based on bad choices a few of your family members made.

People also do this with different races and ethnic groups as well. It seems that many automatically think that all Blacks are thugs, all Whites are racist, all Native Americans are savages, all Hispanics are illegal aliens and so forth.

Yes, I’ve heard all the above statements throughout high school, in a few workplaces, even in the news media and it’s all garbage! We should all know that none of it is true. There are some of the greatest, loving, and most tenderhearted people in every race and there are many who don’t live up to the ignorant stereotypes that society likes to hoist upon them.

Therefore, I want you to know that anyone who puts you in a category with a few evil bad apples, or people who’ve simply made bad choices, doesn’t know the individual you. They do not know your heart nor your inner reality. And they don’t know what you think and feel.

Nobody can possibly know these things but you and God. And if they claim they do know, they’re only playing God by claiming to know the unknowable. Realize that when people perceive you to be someone you aren’t, their thoughts and opinions aren’t worthy of even being considered and you shouldn’t place any value to them.

In fact, you should kick these people to the curb because they aren’t worth your time nor energy. You deserve people in your life who get you- who love you for you and the good you bring to this world.

So, know that you deserve better and that you are not the labels others stick to you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

What Do You Do When the Teacher Is the Target?

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bullying in class room school between friends young female standing crying sadness pressure by classmates

I’ve written about the few teachers who bully students. But what about the teachers- good teachers, the best and the brightest, who get bullied?

Teaching is not only a thankless but also dangerous job in times like these. In my opinion, teachers should get hazard pay, maybe even combat pay! With the school climate what it is today, teachers risk being harmed, maimed, also murdered, and many don’t make it to retirement.

I’ve seen many teachers quit and opt for second careers because of the many issues in schools and communities. I can’t say I blame them. Teachers get paid a pittance for what they must put up with and they don’t get the support from parents, principals, and higher school officials they did decades ago.

blame victim

And teacher’s unions are a complete joke! They don’t care about the kids much less the teachers. In my opinion, teacher’s unions are a big money racket and political activist group! I wouldn’t be a teacher if someone offered me triple the salary!

Along with crappy pay, teachers are held responsible for the poor performance and failing grades of their students. And let’s be real here. Many kids are lazy, and many parents are too busy being the child’s BFF rather than being a parent and making their children hit the books. So why is this the teacher’s fault?

Teachers also have a truckload of homework themselves, often having to grade test papers and assignments at home on their own time. And if parents can’t buy the necessary school supplies for their children to bring to class, teachers end up having to dig into their own pockets to provide for these kids. Couple that with the shoddy pay, and these teachers get a pretty raw deal.

Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

Many teachers also get bullied, not only by their fellow teachers and staff but by students and their parents as well. And when it’s the child who bullies the teacher, how’s that teacher supposed to handle it effectively if he/she doesn’t have support from the principal, the school district, and parents?

A lot of kids are disrespectful and unruly these days. Many of today’s parents have an overinflated sense of their own entitlement, so it makes sense that they would raise kids with the same pathetic attitude.

Lots of times, the parents of these kids will overlook the behavior at school and, yes- even encourage it because they feel that their child is “entitled” and that the teacher transgressed against their kid by disciplining him.

Also, schools and their districts often encourage teachers to give the kid a passing grade even if the student doesn’t earn it, all in an attempt to keep the school’s performance ratings up and the government off their backs. If the teacher happens to be an honest person and doesn’t comply, she’s fired.

I’ve both heard and read of instances when the teacher disciplined a student for disruptive behavior. The teacher only made the child leave the classroom and stand in the hall or sent the kid to the principal’s office, and an angry and hostile parent confronted him/her later.

And when a student failed a test, the teacher gave the kid a bad grade, only to have an enraged parent storm into their classroom the next day, demanding to know why. Some parents go so far as to threaten physical harm!

Understand that kids aren’t stupid, especially kids who bully. These kids are often socially intelligent beyond their years, and they pick up on these things- things that other kids their age often miss. These children know that these days, teachers can’t do much about their bad behavior, and they take full advantage of it. It’s just what kids do.

Pushing boundaries to see what you can get away with is only a part of being a kid. Kids do either what their parents allow or aren’t aware of, and they imitate what they see at home and what they see peers do. And teachers don’t get near the support they should. Is it any wonder there’s a mass shortage of teachers in this country?

It takes a special kind of person to be a teacher in today’s world. If you’re one of those brave, caring, and awesome people, know you have my utmost respect.

Know that the hard work and sacrifices you make haven’t gone unnoticed. You are one in a million and though you may not know it, I and so many others salute you!

One Situation Where People Are Likely to Accuse You of Being a Bully

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blame point fingers

It’s when you don’t feel comfortable around a particular person. Understand that just because you prefer not to be around someone doesn’t necessarily make you a bully and you may have legitimate and justifiable reasons for it. Let’s face it, we like who we like and we dislike who we dislike.

What if the person creeps you out? What if you just don’t feel safe around the person? What if the person is toxic and constantly dogs your mood?

Naturally, you will try to avoid this person. In fact, no sensible and healthy human being would want to be around such a person. But be prepared for a few clueless others to throw the label of “bully” in your face.

Know that, anytime the internal alarm in the pit of your gut sounds off because you sense that something is “off” about a certain person, you have every right to ensure your own safety. You not only have a right, but an obligation to yourself to steer clear of the suspicious person.

Today, we live in a culture of fruit-bats who are so quick to cry “bully” anytime you listen to your own intuition and avoid a potentially dangerous person. Be that as it may, you still have a right to protect yourself from creeps, pedophiles, rapists, murderers, grifters, and other such nefarious people.

And you can bet that those “clueless others” who judge you wouldn’t stay around someone who gave them the heebie-jeebies either, only they’d never tell you. Sadly, the world is full of hypocrites.

And the unspoken messages these people send are clear:

“Safety and protection for us but not for you.”

“It’s bad when you do it but it’s okay when we do it!”

Don’t let these types of people confuse you. Realize that you don’t have to justify yourself to them or anyone! When you’re only trying to keep yourself safe physically or psychologically, no explanation is needed! And if others unfairly judge you for being uncomfortable around someone, then perhaps, you should really piss them off by adding their names to your checklist of idiots to avoid.

Again, not wanting to be around someone isn’t bullying. You are not seeking to hurt them, you just prefer not to be near them for your own peace of mind. It’s only when we seek to repeatedly and ritually harm that person that it crosses the line into bullying.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Whose Life Are You Living? Yours or Theirs?

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Uh-oh! Here they go again! It seems that every time you as much as blink, someone else has got their honker in your business- telling you how you ought to do things, how you should act, telling you how you should live your life and having the chutzpah to think they can make your decisions for you. Let’s face it, the world is full of nosy people.

And if you are a target of bullying, you will have others trying to invade your life, your personal business, and your boundaries. And let me tell you, when it seems that no one will let you lead your own life in peace, life can go from enjoyable to unbearable real quick. That’s why you must be assertive in cases like this.

Understand that you can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t even try to.

Put simply, the only ones you must live your life for is God, your family, your closest and most trusted friends, and yourself.

Too many people care what the wrong people think of them- the wrong people, meaning bullies, toxic people- people they don’t like. Realize that you aren’t living their life, you’re living yours. So, you must make decisions that best fit the situations and circumstances surrounding your life.

You must do what’s best for you, not what’s best for them, or, rather, what others want you to do. Half the time, they don’t even know what they want nor what’s best for them. So, how can they claim to know what’s best for you if they haven’t a clue what’s best for their own lives?

You must do what makes you healthier, what makes you feel good, and what makes you whole. You must do what fulfills you, not other people. Don’t worry about them. It’s up to them to make their lives easier and pleasant. It’s not your responsibility. Just the same, it’s up to you to make your life better, it’s not their place to do it.

There will always be others who want to insert their two cents where it isn’t needed, and they’ll be downright abusive about it. They’ll attempt to order you around or deride you over your life-decisions.

There will be those who will try to run your life and you should be prepared for it. But know that when they do this, they’re stepping out of their place, and you have every right to tell them to go kick rocks.

The old, popular 1990’s idiom, “All up in your koolaid and don’t know the flavor” wasn’t coined for nothing. And the sad thing is that most people don’t bother to lend a hand but they’re real quick to point a finger.

Understand that we each have responsibility over our own lives. Stop trying to spare the feelings of those who insist on sticking a nose where it doesn’t belong. Tell these people to keep their snouts out of your business. Your life is yours to lead, no one else’s. So, stop worrying about what others think and say of you. They may not like the way you live or think, but that’s their problem, not yours.  Your life and the life-choices you make are no one’s business but yours.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Reasons Bullies Are Celebrated and Non-Bullies Hated

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Everywhere you go, be it the workplace, the school, the community, anywhere, it seems that the worst, most vile and nastiest people are celebrated and those who just want to live their lives in peace and go about their business are despised.

In a world that thrives mostly on smooth talk and appearances, authentic and good people are demonized by others because people see them as threats and feel they must contain threats. But allow me to break it down a little more.

1. The biggest reason bullies are celebrated, and mentally healthy people are hated is because people place their priorities on the wrong things- power, fame, sex, money, success, and good looks- things they feel would make them feel and seem more important.

Also, too many people think that strength is all about the ability to buffalo others and look tough. Granted, this may have been true back during the caveman days, but not today. Today, strength comes from social intelligence and the ability to keep quiet and listen. Strength comes from mental toughness, not physical.

Genuine strength comes from staying true to yourself and committing to the right thing in an environment of wrong. It’s staying kind and good when you’re surrounded by evil. True strength is standing up to power bullies when you feel at your weakest. It’s having the endurance to take life’s gut punches and having the resolve to get back up.

2. Another reason bullies are celebrated, and good people hated is because bullies are notorious for sucking-up to power in power to win favor and special treatment. Good don’t or won’t kiss booty to get ahead. They prefer to advance on their own merit. Good people are true to themselves and feel they don’t have to lick someone else’s boots to survive and thrive. They mind their own business and don’t get involved in cliques and social politics.

3. Bullies are well-known for making the good people with healthy minds look evil and mentally ill and they do it by provoking them into an argument. Bullies know better than to tell blatant lies, so they take a tiny grain of truth and embellish on it, adding their own personal spin to it and making things and people look worse than what they are. Make no mistake, bullies are good at distortions.

They are like magicians in that they create illusions that are believable. You’ve heard the term, “sleight of hand,” but bullies have a talent for, “sleight of word” – they’re the best wordsmiths in the business of bullying. For example, a good person can make an honest mistake and a bully will take it and make it look like the person didn’t do the thing by accident but deliberately. Bullies are experts and making simple mistakes look like evil sins punishable by death.

4. Again, good people are considered threatening in an environment of evil because they have a flare for exposing truths that bullies would move heaven and earth to keep hidden. Sometimes, these people, just by their authentic and down-to-earth personalities, can expose bullies and the bullies know it, so, they decide that it’s better to mob them (the authentic people) out before they bust them (the bullies) out.

Therefore, anytime you are faced with a bully, and you know you never did anything to provoke the person, it’s because of the four reasons above.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Toxic Conformity: The 15 Characteristics of Sheople

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Sheople, sheeple, however you chose to spell the word, are, in short, people who are blind followers who are willing to be led to their own slaughter. You often hear the word in toxic government politics, but you also have them in office and school politics too. Not only do politicians have their sheople, but bullies in the workplace and at school have them too.

And most people are, in fact, toxic conformists. Rare is the person who thinks for themselves, especially during the last few years, and, I’ll bet you’ve wondered why most people have become a bunch of submissive sheople. I know I certainly have.

None of us are born followers, we become that way over time through our upbringing, through the messages we receive from others, and through watching and reading all sorts of media.

However, it’s up to us to dig deep and sort out the crap from the facts. Moreover, it’s also up to us whether to follow society’s standards or to follow our own path in life.

At the end of the day, we choose whether to live free or remain shackled to the whims of evil politicians, crooked managers and supervisors, authoritarian school officials, and to bullies and peer-pressure.

So, how do people who are born free and independent become sheople? And how do people who were once confident and self-assured become insecure and fearful? Most are bullied into it.

So, what are the characteristics of sheople? Find out below:

1. Sheople don’t trust themselves to make their own decisions – they’re insecure and lack the confidence needed to make decisions for themselves. So they take the easy way out and allow others to make decisions for them. These types of people lack direction and are either easily bullied, think they know it all, or both. In doing this, they allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated. In essence, they are slaves to the whims of others.

2. They are lazy – Sheople don’t want to have to work for anything but want everything done for them. They’ll do anything to keep from having to work for anything. So, they rely on other people or the system to provide for them instead of providing for themselves. But what they don’t realize is that they open themselves up to being ordered around and told what to do. They accept being told how they should live their lives. Even worse, they open themselves up to be abused and taken advantage of. Understand that even free stuff has a price, and that price is often your independence and autonomy. No one will give you anything free and if you can’t repay them with cash or material goods, you will repay them with services or with your personal freedom.

3.Sheople need someone to hold their hand – They’re little five-year-olds in adult bodies. Again, they don’t trust themselves to make good decisions because they fear they’ll fail. Therefore, they feel they must have someone else guide them through the maze of life. In short, what they don’t understand is that by giving up their responsibility for their own lives, they also give away their power to another person and end up allowing that person to lead them…right off a cliff!

4. They are gullible – They will believe anything people in power feed them. They base their judgements only on how high a position the person telling them what to do is holding and they erroneously think that the people in power care about them and want to do what’s best for them when, in most cases, the people in power are acting in their own best interests and not those of the sheople.

They can’t think for themselves, so they adopt other’s beliefs just to fit in and be accepted. They’ll go with any narrative you give them. They allow themselves to be lied to and used for someone else’s purposes.

5. Sheople are dependent. They either can’t, think they can’t, or don’t know how to do anything for themselves, so they reply on an authority to provide all their wants and needs for them. And, in order to keep getting those wants and needs meet, sheople will bow down and submit to the will of the person supplying them even if they must unnecessarily sacrifice themselves to do it.

6. Sheople are hopeless. Many sheople are incompetent and ineffective people. They don’t believe in themselves and, deep down inside, feel powerless and that they can’t do anything right. Many sheople feel that they’re failures and sadly, many of them are. So, they look to a so-called leader to do everything for them. What they don’t realize is that by looking to this person, they only give up their power and make themselves subjects to that person. I don’t know about you, but I refuse to make myself obligated to anyone other than God, my family, and my closest friends.

7. Sheople are slaves. In exchanging their freedom for security, they make themselves servants, subjects, Because to have someone else do everything and provide everything for you means to be obligated to them. Totally obligated! And because they’re completely useless and can’t take care of themselves, they must have someone else to keep them up. And anything the other person tells them to do, they will do because they know that if they don’t obey the person, the benefits they’ve been enjoying will stop. But who’s to say that they won’t stop anyway? What if the person decides to cut the sheople off once they’ve served their purpose? Then what?

 8. Sheople are fearful. They are believers of fearmongers. They’re also afraid that they might have to work for something. Thirdly, they’re afraid that if they don’t conform, the benefits they enjoy will be cut off. They are easily intimidated by those in power so they do everything they’re told to stay in the good graces of the person or people at the top. Everything the they do is out of fear!

(Continued in Part 2…)

I Could Never Find the Right Words to Comfort Anyone Affected by Bullycide

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positive peace candle

Since I’ve been advocating for the bullied, I’ve met and talked to so many families- parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, spouses, children, cousins and friends who have lost a loved one to suicide. I’ve read, heard about, and listened to their heartbreaking stories. I’ve watched them cry, and I’ve often struggled to find the words to tell them how my heart breaks for them. What are the right words to say to someone who has suffered so significant a loss?

I’ve listened to stories from grieving parents who have lost a child to bullying and suicide. While they told me the story of the events which led up to their child’s death, I could hear the anguish in their voices. I could sense the many questions which continue to flood their minds that may never be answered! I could feel the injustice of it all, and let me tell you; it shook me to my core!

I can’t help but feel a wide range of overwhelming emotions- heartbreak and empathy for the surviving parents and family, intense anger toward the bullies who pushed that child over the edge and disgust at the school and school district, who did nothing to help, or worse, only intensified the child’s suffering. I feel nothing but rage and contempt for a system that failed this young person and their family and at the people in power who were in a position to help the poor young man or lady but didn’t!

Although I have lost a spouse to suicide and know what it is to experience the loss from it, I realize this: The loss of a spouse is terrible and heart-wrenching. Yes. But it isn’t quite the same as losing a child.

Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

I try to put myself in the parent’s shoes, but it’s unbearable. I cannot imagine what a parent goes through. The unanswered questions, having dreams of their child’s future, disappear! Not long ago, I looked into the eyes of one grieving mother, and I wanted to cry but managed not to. I wanted to be strong for her because she needed me to be!

My oldest son went through a period of bullying, so I know this could just as easily have been him years ago. And I honestly don’t know if I could have held up as well as this mother has!

Try to imagine having that baby you once carried for nine months- the baby you felt move and kick inside your belly- ripped from your life forever! Imagine losing that precious, tiny creature, you once held for the first time in the hospital, whose sweet little face you gazed lovingly on, and were unable to take your eyes off of!

FILE – In this Monday, Sept. 16, 2013 file photo, pallbearers wearing anti-bullying T-shirts carry the casket of Rebecca Sedwick,12, to a waiting hearse as they exit the Whidden-McLean Funeral Home in Bartow, Fla. One of two teenage girls charged with stalking Rebecca Sedwick, a Florida classmate who complained of being bullied before her suicide no longer faces any criminal counts, her attorney said Wednesday, Nov. 20, 2013. (AP Photo/Brian Blanco, File)

I cannot fathom the despair of having to bury the child I was sure would someday bury me! Understand that this goes against the natural order of things! I cannot imagine the total shock and disbelief- that feeling of being kicked in the gut that goes with such a loss! And I struggle to find the words to comfort any parent who has lost a child to bullycide!

What are the right words? How do you communicate to a grieving family member how much you hurt with them and how much you long to ease their suffering and wish you could? And how you wish that there was some way- SOME way you could bring that loved one back to them.

If you have a heart as I do, you want to reach out and hug that person! You want to hold them. You want to console them. You want to take away their pain. But anything short of doing the impossible, you know, will never be enough to ease their suffering.

Sympathy card with burning candle and rose on open book

Like me, you try to imagine how you’d feel if it were your child, but you can’t. You can’t bear the mere thought crossing your mind. But these families have lived it, and they continue to live it every day. Understand that this is a massive loss that this mother, this father, this sibling, this grandparent will carry for the rest of their lives!

Nothing will ever be the same for them again. Realize that this is a new normal (if that’s what you want to call it) that they will never be able to adjust to. Every day from here on will be another day of struggle- another day of fighting to keep it together- another day to act like you’re okay because you’re afraid of overwhelming the people around you. How long can these broken parents keep up the charade?

Again, words can never say how my heart breaks for them. All I can do is be there for them and listen as I struggle to find the words of support and compassion they so need to hear.

Maybe the reason I struggle for the right thing to say is that there are no words! There are no words that could ever quell the grief of a loss so heavy and so devastating! No words can ever provide complete consolation or comfort. And no words can ever bring justice to the loved ones left behind.

To all, who have lost a family member- a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, especially a child, to suicide or bullycide, know that I’m here for you. It doesn’t matter if we know each other or are total strangers. And even though I struggle to find the words to tell you, rest assured that I care. My heart cries with you, and I have the utmost love, sympathy, and compassion for you!

You are always in my thoughts and prayers!

When a Target Has the Chutzpah to Reject a Bully

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I can tell you what happened when I deleted one of my former classmates. Before I go any further with my story, I’ll tell you this.

Nobody likes being rejected and dismissed – especially by someone they think is inferior to them. That’s a blow to the ego like one other!

When a bully gets dismissed by the victim, he thought for so long was too weak to stand up to him, oh my God! He. LOSES it! Why? Because in an instant, the victim finally stood his ground, he snatched his power back and left the bully powerless over him for once! Now the bully must go through the headache of finding a new target! Gasp!

This is precisely what happened with my old bully classmate when I unfriended her for a few offhand and snide comments she made on a few of my posts. She became furious! She couldn’t stand it! And I’ve got to tell you. I’m laughing as I’m typing this and thinking back about two years ago.

This half-crazed woman blew up my inbox. And with such vitriolic rage!

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Oh, my goodness! How dare I! The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah of me! O-M-G! I’m such a fake! I’m such a pissy person who deleted her because I got called out! Oooooo! Poor baby! I’m such a weak little bitch who can’t take constructive criticism!

Those were her words before I laughed and pushed that little godsend of a block button. I would’ve pushed the button sooner, but to tell you the truth, I was getting a real kick out of her reaction, and I wanted to give her time to shoot herself in the foot. Sure enough, she did.

I took screenshots of her messages, one in which she repeatedly asked, “Why did you delete me?”, then plastered them all over the internet. The icing on the cake was that the other classmates saw the screenshots too and they were shocked.

Knowing she’d been punked before the eyes of some of her old high school buddies, this she-bully went even more berserk. And it was so fun to watch!

I kid you not. There wasn’t enough popcorn in the world!

You see, this woman thought that I was weak in high school and never bet on the possibility that I might have smartened up a little in the three decades since. So, I went ahead and let her assume what she wanted and trapped her with it.

Realize that anytime you reject a bully, you immediately take your personal power back and you automatically put the bully in a position of weakness- you put her in a position of inferiority. You flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle rejection because they feel that they must always be in the position of power in a relationship, especially the bully/target relationship.

I want you to know that standing up to and ditching a bully isn’t as hard as you think. It’s quite easy if you don’t let fear or any intense emotion get in your way. Remember that bullies get their power from getting you emotional. And when you finally come to a place where you’re no longer intimidated or angered by them, the better you’ll be able to use your head, find some leverage, and use it as a weapon.

You must understand that when bullies fly into a rage, they no longer have the ability to think clearly. You then have the opportunity to use it to your advantage and make them look like a complete doorknob.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Ways Bullies Deceive- Exaggerations, and Distortions

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They’re the kinds of deception bullies love to practice. Bullies understand, perhaps more than anyone else, that a pure lie isn’t likely to be believed and would only discredit them. However, if they tell a half-truth, which is a lie that contains even a tiny grain of truth, people will more than likely believe it.

Exaggerations and distortions are perfect for bullies because there’s always a degree of truth to them. For example, a bully will provoke a target and keep provoking him/her until the target gets fed up and, in a low but angry growl, tells the bully to buzz off. The bully will then tell everyone else about the altercation, making sure to blow it up, and make it bigger than it was.

She tells others the target started the confrontation. She exaggerates what happened by telling others that the target screamed and cursed her out, being sure to leave out the part where she kept provoking the target and didn’t stop until the target get tired of her crap and told her to buzz off.

Also, instead of telling the truth, that the target told her to buzz off. The bully may distort it by saying that the target told her to f*** off instead.

Here’s another example. A bully supervisor tells a targeted employee to do a task. The targeted employee hasn’t yet completed the first task and he must complete it in the next thirty minutes to meet the deadline. The target tells the bully boss that he’ll get started on his request as soon as he’s finished his current task.

The bully boss goes back and distorts everything, He exaggerates the target’s response by telling management that the target refused to do the task and is being insubordinate, leaving out that the target told him that he would fulfill his request as soon as he got done with the task at hand. Management reprimands the target and gives him a write-up for insubordination, not knowing the whole story.

The two above scenarios are examples of exaggerations and distortions.

I’ll even give you a real-life example: Just after I wrote and published my memoir, “From Victim to Victor,” a former classmate bought it and read it. When she came to the part where two bullies, who happened to be her friends, died in a tragic car accident and I expressed in the book that, at the time, I didn’t care that the girls were dead and that they were two less bullies I’d have to deal with, she got angry and took it out of context.

I’ll be honest. Yes, at the time it happened, which was thirty plus years ago, I did feel that way- I didn’t care that they were dead and that I felt a sense of relief. And yes, the 17-year-old me considered their deaths to be a good dose of karma for the way they and the rest of the classmates had treated me and several others. And yes, a part of that bullied teenager, who was me, was even glad the two girls were gone.

However, that was how I felt back then and not how I feel today. Nevertheless, she sounded off to the other classmates, distorting it and making it sound like I still felt that way today, and exaggerated it saying that I celebrated the girls’ deaths today, which was false. Then she told them not to read the book.

The real reason she told them not to read it is because she was afraid that they’d figure out that it was all past tense and that today, I am saddened that they died so young. Feelings do change over time. Since then, I’ve lost a few close family members and the deaths of loved ones have a way of quickly changing your perspective.

It’s important that you know how to name lies like this because when you can put a name on them, you can better describe it and you can better communicate what the bullies are doing and how they do it without sounding like you’re rambling.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Ways Bullying Sharpens Your BS Detector

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If you were ever a victim of bullying, it more than likely did the same for you. This is not to say that abuse of any form is a good thing because no one should ever be bullied. Ever! However, though painful and humiliating when it was happening, a bullied past has had its positive takeaways, one of which is my fine-tuned ability to smell bulls*** from a mile away.

Judging from my own experience and having heard stories of others who have endured the same, being a target of bullies has a way of giving you an almost psychic ability to see through people and detect true motives and intentions.


It allowed me to observe a large group of people, then spot and pick out the fakes and troublemakers at lightning speed and with accuracy. I don’t have to speak a word to anyone, only stand back and watch.

Just as a person who loses his sight experiences a much keener sense of hearing, a victim of bullying quickly grows the ability to read people like newspapers. Why? Out of sheer necessity. Many survivors can read body language like an FBI agent, deciphering the tiniest of micro-expressions. In fact, one can even pick up on the vibes others put out…especially negative ones.

When any certain skill is mandatory for your survival, nature gives you no choice but to quickly hon that skill and use it to near perfection.

I consider this sixth sense to be a gift. However, this gift came at a heavy price.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

One Way to Trick Your Bullies into Leaving You Alone

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Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes, or at least make it look like you’re surrendering to them. In life, there are times when we should pick and choose our battles- to decide whether to fight back or leave well enough alone. It is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll only enrage the bullies and throw them off-kilter because they were looking for a fight and so sure they’d get one but didn’t.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you surrender (or make it look as if you do), you give yourself time to recuperate and time to torture and irritate your bullies subtly. You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. Maybe you can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

You don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency- to fool them into thinking they’ve won. Understand that bullies are continually trying to show dominance and superiority, and if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them (for the time being) makes them feel satisfied and powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove or indirect ridicule.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction, and they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Harsh Truths about Bystanders and Witnesses of Bullying

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bystander effect

You not only never forget the bullies, but you also remember the people who were there- the people who had the power to help you but did nothing. Many times, the bystanders who saw it never tried to intervene and stop the attacks, nor did they speak up on my behalf.

As much as I hate to say it, I was guilty of the same thing. When I watched a few others get bullied, I said and did nothing, thinking that my voice wouldn’t make a difference if I did speak up. Other times, I was just damn glad that, for a change, I wasn’t the one targeted and that it was someone else taking heat for a change.

For this, I am very remorseful and would like to apologize to all the other targets I left to fend for themselves. I’m truly sorry.

Bullying Poster Concept Illustration bystanders

Here are the reasons bystanders do nothing to help a target of bullying:

1. They’re afraid of arousing the bullies’ anger and becoming the next target. No one wants to be a target of bullying. I get that. Many bystanders fear getting involved, and for good reasons. However, many bystanders do have some power because they’re high on the social hierarchy.

And the higher you are in the pecking order, the more weight your actions and words carry. So, why not use your power to help the target? Because if you’re extremely popular, the chances are that other bystanders will follow your lead and join you, and the bully will leave the victim alone. There’s strength in numbers.

2. The bystanders see the bullies’ torment of the target as entertainment. Bullies always bully in front of an audience to humiliate the target. During altercations between bullies and targets, bystanders immediately gather around to watch it go down.

Most bystanders then stand around, laughing and pointing fingers. Many of them cheer and egg the bully on, stirring it up to get more entertainment, all of which only encourages the bully to continue and even escalate the abuse.

As long as it isn’t them getting dogged out or having their brains beat in, most bystanders think it’s funny to see it happen to someone else.

Silhouette of two hands with smartphones, shoot a video on a sinking person’s hand, asking for help. The concept of a selfish society, a social problem

It’s the reason that instead of helping the target, bystanders will automatically whip out their smartphones and record the confrontation. They can then watch it later, send the film to their friends, and have another big laugh over it.

But! It’s not the least bit funny to the target. It’s painful and humiliating. It can be devastating to a victim who has already been a target of bullying for an extended time and can drive them over the edge.

3. The bystanders themselves either dislike or hate the target. In many cases, bullies have run vicious smear campaigns and turned everyone against their victims. When an altercation finally breaks out, the bystanders refuse to help the target because they think she deserves the abuse. Many times, these bystanders secretly or openly take pleasure in seeing the target suffer.

They may stand around snickering or join the bullies in tormenting the target. Often, the bullies are only doing to the victim what many bystanders wish they had the stones to do themselves. So, they get complete satisfaction in seeing someone else attack the target. Bystanders often hate the victim so much that they would defend a total stranger before protecting the victim they hate so intensely.

4. They don’t want to get involved. Many bystanders figure that it’s none of their business and choose not to get involved. These bystanders are so indifferent that they won’t even stop and watch. They will only pass by and keep going. They don’t care. Period.

Understand that bullies always perform in front of an audience to show their superiority, strength, and power. Bystanders who do nothing to stop the attacks only silently support and encourage the bullies. These bystanders are just as guilty as the psycho bullies who perpetuate the attacks.

Often, bystanders either don’t understand or underestimate the power they have, especially in large numbers. When witnesses speak up for the target, the bullies will likely stop and leave the target alone.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Things You Can Do to Uplift Your Spirits

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Even the happiest of people have days when they feel down in the dumps. Fortunately, there are things you can do to remedy your situation and chase those doldrums away!

1. Listen to good music – There’s nothing that cures your ills like boogying down to some good dance music or rocking out to the sounds of your favorite rock bands. There something about music that makes us come alive and want to get up and move! So, put on some good tunes and shake your butt!

 2. Go for a walk – Going on a good nature walk on a beautiful Spring day lifts the spirits and feels so good. Walking is also one of the best exercises there is, so, there are physical health benefits to it as well.

 3. Indulge in your hobbies – working on and completing your hobbies brings out your creative side and gives you the feeling of success and accomplishment. It gives you pride in yourself and in your abilities. And who doesn’t love that?

 4. Surround yourself with your favorite people – Being around the people you love, who love you, and who lift you up feeds your soul like nothing else. When you get together with your loved ones, you know you belong, and you get that much needed sense of belonging and togetherness.

 5. Fix yourself up – As the old saying goes, when you look good, you feel good. When you take pride in your appearance, it shows. Looking your best has a way of building your confidence and your self-esteem. And it also has a way of spreading to others.

The good thing as that you have options. Do any one of these things and watch your mood skyrocket in just minutes. You’ll be glad you did. I promise!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying Only Diminishes the Target’s Ability to Trust Him/Herself

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Why? Because the target’s judgement, decisions, and feelings are constantly attacked, negated, and condemned by others. When a target is bullied, they’re taught that, although the abuse they suffer is painful, they either shouldn’t feel, or they have no right to feel that pain because they’re to blame for the abuse they suffer.

Targets are conditioned by bullies, bystanders, even people in authority, friends, and family to just suck it up and negate their own painful feelings. In that, they’re trained either not to understand or to deny their own suffering and that bullies and others are abusing them.

Targets are trained to believe that other people’s vile behavior is their fault and that something is wrong with them, otherwise the bullying wouldn’t be happening to them. Targets are also snookered that everything that goes wrong is because of them. In short, they’re taught that the abuse they’re getting is somehow justified.

As a result, targets often withdraw because they become afraid that they’ll only attract bullies and bullying behavior from the people around them. As a result, targets are left feeling confused and inadequate.

Targets are made to think that:

They take things wrong.

They’re too sensitive.

They asked for it or had it coming.

There’s something wrong with the way they are.

There’s something wrong with the way they express themselves.

There’s something wrong with the way they come across to people.

Therefore, targets stop believing in themselves. Even worse, they lose trust in themselves, their abilities, and their capabilities. And once this happens, they become perfect victims for bullies.

Understand that targets suffer many attacks to not only their physical body, but also their psyche and their emotional being.

Even worse, their very souls are tired, their spirits broken, and they don’t understand their own pain nor why they feel it inside.

Being a target of bullying is a hell that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly comprehend. When you’re bullied, you’re in the fight of your life, and for your life. And when I say fight for your life, this doesn’t only mean fighting to stay alive, although it can.

“The fight for your life” can mean fighting for your self- esteem. It can mean fighting for your personal power and dignity. It can mean fighting to keep your confidence up and self-esteem from being broken so that the abuse doesn’t affect your grades, performance (at school or work), or worse, your ability to make smart decisions and life-choices. You’re fighting to keep the abuse from effecting your entire future. Most importantly, you’re fighting to maintain your health and your sanity.

Because you’re very much aware that if you allow these people to cause you to lose any of the above, then you unwittingly give them power over your entire life and every aspect of it. You may not end up dead, but you won’t really live, you’ll only exist. And that’s no way to live!

No matter what happens, stay strong. Hold on to everything mentioned above, or as much of it as possible. And most of all, know that none of the bullying you suffer has anything to do with you and that there are people out there who care. Keep the faith, keep believing in yourself, and stand strong!

With knowledge comes empowerment!