Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

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 ‘Want to know what the first step is to building confidence? It’s knowing yourself with every fiber of your being.

knowing yourself

Knowing exactly who you are goes a long way when people are bullying you. As someone who had to learn this the hard way, I can tell you that when you know yourself inside and out, the least likely bullies are to get under your skin.

You are going to learn how to get to know yourself as well as the importance of knowing yourself.

After you learn these all the powerful ways to do so, you will be next to invincible to any future attacks from bullies.

This post is all about the steps to knowing yourself to give you the confidence you need to counter your bullies’ attacks successfully.

Knowing Yourself

Before we get into the steps, let’s first discuss the importance of knowing yourself.

When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself. In other words, you won’t allow others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you.

Therefore, when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

1. Know what your needs are, what you want, and what you will and will not tolerate.

Then refuse to accept what you won’t put up with. Also, focus on your wants and needs and work hard to achieve them. This means working on yourself. Moreover, it means working toward your goals and your aspirations.

This is of the utmost importance. Why? Because when you’re too busy working on yourself and pursuing your dreams and interests, you won’t pay attention to what your bullies have to say. In other words, you’ll care less about anyone’s opinions and verbal attacks.

Also, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this messed-up thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means tuning into your gut. As we all know, your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

2. Knowing yourself: Begin trusting yourself to make the right decisions for yourself no matter what.

Here’s a little nugget you should know, your first instinct is usually the correct one.

For instance, any time you have bullies shaming and ridiculing you, your first instinct is to get away from them. However, when your bullies see that you’re leave. They may mock you for it.

They say something to the tune of, “Awww! Did you get your feelings hurt? Is that way you’re walking away?” or “Are you scared, is that why you’re leaving? Don’t be a wuss. Stand up and face us.”

Moreover, they may even tell you, “You’d better run!”

Know that it’s okay to walk away from a toxic situation. Also, know that you aren’t scared, but you aren’t going to stick around people who try to make you feel bad. When you know yourself, you know that walking away isn’t being afraid. It’s being smart!

In other words, your bullies definition of you won’t get into your head. Therefore, you’ll refuse to allow your bullies to ridicule or guilt you into staying in circumstances that don’t feel good to you.

Therefore, any time your bullies accost you, don’t be afraid to put your hand up and walk away. Know yourself well enough to know that you don’t have time for their foolishness and drama.

Understand that when you turn your back and walk away from bullies and they call out these things to you, they do it for two reasons:

a. to control you by defining you. In other words, bullies try to shame you into sticking around

b. to bait you into a fight because they know the chances are good that you’ll get blamed for it.

No one wants others to label them a coward. However, people will try to define you as one to corner you and trick you into doing what they want. Bullies know that most people will feel compelled to hang around and they’ll do it for no other reason than to prove to the rest of the world that they aren’t.

Again, this is why you must know yourself. When you know deep down that you’re not what people call you, you won’t feel any need to do any posturing. Why? Because you’ll know that there’s no need to prove anything.

Although the name-calling might sting a little, it won’t bother you as much.

3. Practice speaking out and showing your emotions.

 …in appropriate settings, of course.

Knowing yourself means that you won’t feel the need to hold back emotions. You’ll be able to recognize them better and allow yourself to feel them. In some situations, it may be okay to express them.

Therefore, you won’t let others tell you how you should feel or bullies to shame you into suppressing yourself.

However, there are times when expressing and suppressing emotions is the right thing to do. For instance, if you’re attending the funeral of a loved one and you feel sad, it’s perfectly acceptable to cry.

Whereas, you wouldn’t want to break down crying in front of everyone at school because a bully called you a name. Instead, you’d show annoyance and tell the bully to get stuffed.

Also, you wouldn’t cry publicly at work because the boss chewed you out or your project fell flat. You’d just stick out your chest and try to do better the next time.

4. Another step to knowing yourself is to Practice being yourself.

Know that you don’t have to put on a big front and try to act like someone you’re not. Also, there’s no need to try to fit in anyone. In other words, know that you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

Knowing yourself means also knowing your worth and that you are valuable no matter what people say and regardless of where you are in life.

Moreover, understand that people who don’t know themselves will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who don’t know themselves will accept other’s definitions of them without realizing it.

They’ll build a fake identity based on how others view them and others’ expectations and ideas of who they should be.

Sadly, if a target is told by abusers that he’s ignorant, no good, lazy and that he’ll never amount to anything, in many cases, they’ll live up to it. It will show up in their grades, performance, and how they interact with people.

Therefore, don’t be that person. Authenticity is key here. Be an original because originals are like famous paintings and artwork. They’re much more valuable than copies.

So, don’t be a cheap knock-off!

Knowing yourself is freedom!

5. Get rid of the temptation to blame yourself for any bullying and abuse you suffer.

Always be true to your own heart no matter the cost. Though it may not look that way to the outside observer, quietly dig deep and get in touch with your inner sensations and instincts. Moreover realize that you aren’t to blame for the abuse you endure.

Knowing yourself is to fully understand that other people’s behavior towards you is no reflection on you. It only speaks volumes about their own lack of morals, decency, and character.

Getting to know yourself will only bring absolute confirmation that what your bullies do to you is wrong. Now this inner realization may or may not stop bullies from attacking you. In fact, it may make the bullying worse.

However, instead of hating and blaming yourself, know in your heart that they are the bad ones. Realize that bullies are notorious for projecting their own faults and shortcomings onto others.

It’s true! A bully’s accusations is usually a confession.

6. Always trust your gut.

I can’t stress this enough. Listen to what your gut tells you and believe it. Also, pay close attention to the vibes you’re getting from the people around you.

The energy people put out never lies.

This is how you maintain your inner strength and sense of self. It takes listening to your instincts when they tell you that you have reason to be cautious around certain people.

Even better,  don’t be ashamed of it. Instead, pay close attention to how your body reacts when you’re around certain people.

Also, realize that you may not be able to put your finger on it and you may not know why you’re having these yucky bodily sensations.

Does your body automatically tense up?

Do you have that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Does something just feel off about the person or people you’re with?

If so, know that any one of these symptoms is your cue to get away from these people… and fast!

Once you begin knowing yourself fully, bullies will no longer have power over you. As a result, you’ll be a much happier, freer, and healthier person for it.

Getting to know yourself may take time and lots of hard inner work, but it will be worth it in the end.

This post was all about knowing yourself and what steps to take to get to know yourself in order to help you raise your self-esteem and confidence levels.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

44 thoughts on “Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence”

  1. LAMarcom says:
    Reply

    “Understand that people who don’t know themselves will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who don’t know themselves will accept other’s definitions of them without realizing it. They’ll build a fake identity based on how others view them and others’ expectations and ideas of who a real person should be.”

    Great (I am running outta superlatives)
    ‘Great’
    Post!

    Cheers,
    –Lance

  2. Arun Singha says:
    Reply

    *Know Yourself*
    Absolutely necessary to know thy Self. The innermost Self. Self will then reveal itself which is nothing but Joy only.
    I have gone through your article. Very good one with full of insights.
    People should know herself or himself.
    Thank you so much for sharing this.
    Best regards 🙏

  3. Anonymous says:
    Reply

    This is so nice. I’ve been working on getting to know me again. Its a great feeling once you find your worth and understand the value you have

  5. Kym Gordon Moore says:
    Reply

    Yeah, I do think that certain people try to say things to bait you into a debate or fight just because they know it will get under your skin. I used to fall for it and come out swinging like Muhammad Ali, 🥊 but maturity taught me better. Thank God, it did! 🙏🏼

    Your words are so empowering: “In other words, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.” Thanks for the reminder Cherie! 👏🏼💖🦋🥰🏋🏽‍♀️💪🏽🌟

    • cheriewhite says:
      Reply

      You’re most welcome, Kym. 🌹And your so right, girl! People will try to bait you and when they do, they get that rush of power they crave. 👹 Like you, I’ve learned not to give them that and it came with age and maturity. 💖 But I wasn’t always that smart. 😁😁😁 I was like Ali in the ring too. 😂🤣 I danced like a fly and stung like a bee when I was young. Heeheehee. Thing about bees is that they die when they lose their stingers.

      • Kym Gordon Moore says:
        Reply

        Yeah girl, I get you. The one thing about we “Bees” is that WE don’t loose our stingers! 🐝 Plus we butterflies 🦋 gracefully float through the air while the haters find someone else to bait!!! 🤣😆😂 Mic drop Muhammad Ali!!! 🎤😱🥊 LOL

        • cheriewhite says:
          Reply

          Amen! Girl! You’re right! Bees like us don’t lose our stingers! 💖💐🌹Heehee! I guess I should’ve clarified that some types of bees don’t lose their stingers.🐝🦋 And I love the butterfly line, sweetie! Drop that mic girl! You win the day! 🏆
          Ding-ding-ding! 🛎 WINNER! 🥊(Dang! I wish they had a heavyweight belt icon)

  6. LAMarcom says:
    Reply

    May I ask you something Cherie?
    Why do you filter comments?
    You know I have a blog.
    I give zero fuks what anyone comments.
    My skin is thick, I suppose.
    No need to ‘approve’ any comment.
    ALL are good
    In my book
    I am not trying to be a jerk.
    I am just curious.

  9. 80smetalman says:
    Reply

    Another excellent post, Cherie! I remember when I was 29, a counsellor I was seeing told me that the world was waiting for the ‘real Michael LeFevre to please stand up.’ She also reassured me that it wasn’t too late because at 29, I was still a baby. Not in any negative way. In any case, it might take years to truly get to know oneself but it’s best to use what you do know to fend off the bullies.

    • Cherie White says:
      Reply

      That’s awesome, Michael! She gave you some terrific advice and I can tell that you truly know yourself and you’ve found peace. I’m so proud of you for that. Wishing you and yours many more blessings to come.

  10. Jill says:
    Reply

    I am going to get what may seem like an interesting answer/response to this. I think the key to knowing one’s self involves a lot of self reflection, having some true interests and hobbies that don’t involve one’s spouse or family. Sort of your own thing going on. So many times we let our families have all our time and we never take any moments for ourselves. I also think, especially as one gets older you have to sort of try to feel sexy in your own skin. That means going and getting a new haircut, wearing a sexy bathing suit, short shorts, make up, whatever if you are a woman and if you are a guy a hair cut, new clothes, whatever. Stuff that makes you feel young.

    I also think it is important to try and have a couple of special inner circle friends, ideally one or two from both genders. These are people that you trust your secrets with, people you can talk to, people where you can playfully joke around with. Ironically my best male friend is a guy I have tremendous respect for still and used to have a massive crush on and frankly I probably in some ways still do but he is in a relationship so I would never tell or act upon anything. I am not like that! But the friendship is awesome and great. And my best female friend she is just someone that can make me laugh and we make sure we do stuff together about every week. We can cut up or be serious. And the thing I find is by having a good friend from both genders I learn stuff from them. I like having the female perspective and I like having the male perspective. They actually give me a lot of food for thought on so many things from society issues to politics to male/female dynamics, kids, pop culture, etc and what is interesting is both of them are kind of on polar opposite sides often of all of that and I am in between all of that but I learn so much about myself. I think we all need those few non family members that give us that needed perspective and learning and fun.

    • Cherie White says:
      Reply

      You’re absolutely right, Jill. We do need a few friends. Notice I said, “a few.” I have about five close friends and that’s it. And I like it that way. Notice that when we’re young, we desire to be popular, therefore, we try to make lots and lots of friends. However, as we get older, our friend circle shrinks significantly because, through the years, we find out the hard way that the more “friends” we have, the higher the chance is that some of them are fake friends and frenemies. Eventually, we find out who those frenemies are and cut them out of our lives because we just don’t have time for drama anymore.

      Understand that this is completely normal and it’s healthy to be selective in who you allow into your life and spend time with. It’s also healthy to have only a small circle of real close friends. It’s all you really need anyway. Having a male and female friend is perfect I think. As you said, we all need to hear perspectives from members of both sexes.

      Here’s wishing you long and happy friendships with the friends you mentioned in your comment.
      Cherie

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