There are always motives and emotions behind the attacks of every bully.
Have you ever wondered why bullies are so aggressive with you when they could care less about you? You understand that when someone doesn’t care a lick about you, they show no emotion, positive or negative. In other words, they’re indifferent.
However, when the bully is aggressive, it shows that they are bothered by something about you, whether it’s something you said, did, or conveyed. It could be your very presence that might bother the person.
Whatever the case may be, that something about you is motivating the attacks and aggression. But realize this, it’s not that they care one iota about you. What they do care about, however, is the possibility of your taking your power back from them and becoming independent of their thoughts and opinions of you.
Here are 3 motives and emotions behind a bully’s attacks.
1.Fear
Bullies fear losing power over you. Whether it’s physical attacks or smearing and trying to cancel you, every bit of it is only proof that they feel threatened. Moreover, your bullies feel that they’re losing the battle for power or are about to lose. Therefore, they double down on attacking you to reinforce their power over you and keep you under their thumb. This often comes in the form of retaliation because you stood up to them and defended yourself. And the only way to discourage you from fighting back is to retaliate with greater force.
Why? Because if you stand your ground and begin refusing their attempts to walk on you. You just might start a huge trend and inspire others to do the same, causing the bullies to lose respect, status, and authority (power).
2. Resentment and Revenge
Again. When you defend yourself against a bully’s attacks or demands, bullies will often retaliate. And they do it not only to subdue you and keep you under their power, but they also do it out of revenge. Anytime you stand up to bullies, they will often try to get back at you for it. Understand that bullies are entitled little twits. They need gratification and satisfaction, and when you refuse to give it to them, they will resent you and desire to punish you for it.
3. Deception
Bullies have an image to keep up and they want to look tough. In other words, the bullies are trying like the devil to cover up the fact that you’re winning the power war against them. Think about it. If you were truly losing, they would act indifferent toward you. Your bullies wouldn’t need to become aggressive and go on the attack because you would be no threat to them nor the image they portray in public.
Therefore, they wouldn’t give you the time of day. Bullies, particularly the narcissistic type, always discard those they deem to be losers. On the other hand, threats must be contained. Those they see as threats are a lot of hard work for bullies. They require many attacks for the bullies to restore their power, be that power image, social status, or even physical status.
So, if a bully is incessantly attacking you, it isn’t because there is anything wrong with you and it isn’t because you’re weak. It’s because you somehow pose a threat to them, and that threat may or may not be so obvious. It may be very subtle. For example, the bully may pick up on something that isn’t so visible, maybe an inner strength you have that they can’t quite put their finger on.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Great Post Cherie!! Thank you for your wisdom on bullies, I am grateful you are still posting…
It took time for me to get past the fear their behaviours invoked in me to see that the toxic tenants I had in the workplace were threatened by me, which is why they attack me in a domain in my name so viciously. They want me quiet and not telling my story of what they did to me, afraid it will warn others that come after me… I hope you have a great weekend!
God bless you, Stella! That’s exactly why they came after you. Because they were intimidated by you due to the fact that you went by the book. Have a wonderful Friday.
Thank you for your comments, Cherie. I hope you have a great Friday too!
Thank you, Stella. I just started a new job this past week so I’m pretty excited. Sending lots of love your way!
Congrats on the new job! I am sure you will do wonders… Sending the love right back…
Thank you so much, Stella! Much appreciated!
My Gawd, I’ve missed you!! Sorry I have been aloof. Such a timely post! My new job is overwhelming as there is so much to learn, but since I work in spec ed in a school and we have completed one term, I guess I can say I am doing ok- since I’ve gotten all papers, reports and documents into their right boxes and bins. I would like to return next year except for one little area. The support staffs that work under me and have more years at the school than I have, have been indifferent and nasty trying to smear my name to anyone who cares to listen. They race to the principal with hateful tones about my approaches claiming I have not been doing anything of great substance; they tattled to a teacher cause a child cried in my room; they alert other staff of my intentions only if I am brainstorming out loud. Your first point made me sit up- “Bullies feel that they’re losing the battle for power or are about to lose. ” They sure have an odd way of showing it- if I had it my way, I’d fire them! They gossip all the time about anyone and everyone! Kids included! I am almost temped to throw out that I am thinking getting rid of the assistants as I don’t need as many as the previous Head… but that is just stooping to their level. At Christmas as instructed by my boss, I bought my assistants gifts- not.one.word.of gratitude. was. Uttered. Now my boss is telling me that I have to co-host an upcoming tea for them!!! I truly don’t feel I can! But am I gonna pay for it, if I don’t- as you said: “They need gratification and satisfaction, and when you refuse to give it to them, they will resent you and desire to punish you for it.” I thank them each and every day and still nothing kind in return. Your last point- “you’re winning the power war against them. Think about it. If you were truly losing, they would act indifferent toward you. Your bullies wouldn’t need to become aggressive and go on the attack because you would be no threat to them nor the image they portray in public.” I truly can’t see it. I am actually thinking of not coming back next year- talking to my boss about it is career suicide as I was informed by my union. I am so tired of crappy little bully babies. I know I should just trek on despite them and I’ve heard that they even did it to another support staff who was promoted years ago. They make me feel like an outsider who doesn’t fit in the school- and I know they have the ear of my boss and she listens to them- so maybe I won’t be offered a position next year. Still early days – I need to finish my evaluation and then have a good heart to heart with her. Any suggestions? Fabulous article as always! Hope all is great with you! Kim
It’s so good to see you again. And I understand the aloofness (LOL). My website has changed since we last spoke and I was probably hard to find. Also, I’m not posting near as much as I used to with a new job and all. With that said, my heart goes out to you. I’m thinking that maybe they’re testing you to see how much they can use you. I would have a heart to heart with them and let them know (gently) that you can’t host every time they need you too and that you have othr commitments too. If that doesn’t work or if they get nasty about it, I would start planning my exit. Remember that you have a life too. Wishing you many blessings, dear. 💖🌸