Imagine this scenario: A young boy or girl is a target of bullying at their school. Every morning, they arrive at school and are greeted by a barrage of name-calling, taunts, cruel jokes, ridicule, and many times, physical assaults and beatings.
The poor target is trapped in a school they aren’t safe in, a learning environment that’s dangerous to them. The target does their best to stay strong, to hide the tears which beg to poor forth like a raging torrent. The child knows that if she ever shows the hurt, the bullies will only bask in it. They’ll have her where they want her, and the bullies will then move in for the death blow.
So, the target continues to hide his emotions. He continues to pretend that everything is okay and that the bullying he suffers isn’t such a big deal. But it is and it’s tearing him up inside. As time goes on, the bullies escalate their attacks because they see the target’s stoicism and calmness as a challenge. Therefore, the cruel attacks become a game to the bullies. The goal is to break the target and they want to see what it’s going to take to achieve that goal.
Then, one day, it happens. The target has a breakdown. After will, no one can bury all that pain forever. She is admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a month and gets the help she needs. She is in a safe environment. Therefore, she is allowed to speak out about the bullying she has suffered. Caring staff and fellow patients give her the support she has long needed, and she begins to heal and get better.
After some time in hospital, he is finally released and is free to go home and his parents take him back to school. The very school where his bullies run amuck. And once he’s back, the bullies have a go at him once again.
The target continues to go to school. The bullies only pick up where they left off and continue to harass her. The bullies wonder where she’s been, and they have a pretty good guess at it. So, they bully her harder because, although they don’t know for sure, they only guess where she’s been, and they use the possibility that she was in a hospital as a weapon against her.
Now, not only is the target’s reputation ruined because of the bullying, but, even worse, she has the stigma of mental health hanging over her. Slowly, over time, the bullies and the toxic learning environment manage to undo all the progress the target made in the hospital. Once again, they push her to her breaking point, and she lands back in the hospital.
And thus, becomes a vicious cycle- the target is bullied to the breaking point, he is admitted to the hospital where he can heal. Then, once he heals and he is released from the hospital…and is forced back into the same toxic environment and with the same poisonous people that made him sick to begin with!
I know firsthand of this reality because it happened to me, over and over again, until I finally changed schools.
When I had my first child, I vowed not to make the same mistakes my parents made. If ever my children were bullied and it began to become ritualistic, I would immediately take them out of the school they were bullied in and transfer them to a safer school, no matter what sacrifices I had to make to do it.
Thankfully, when my eldest son began to be bullied in middle school, his father, stepmother, and I got together and made a plan to have him transferred before the bullying had a chance to escalate to a dangerous level. And it worked!
His grades skyrocketed at his new school and when he graduated, he did so with scholarships! We were so proud!
Stigma word cloud concept on grey background
Therefore, a school transfer is always best when a child is bullied by classmates and that bullying becomes a pattern. Once it becomes a habit and the other kids grow comfortable with bullying a target, it will only get worse. And if the target goes to a hospital and gets help, then released back into the same environment that made them sick, they will end up back in the hospital…again, again, and again, until he leaves the school, he’s bullied in.
It may take some sacrifice to transfer your child to a new school and it may be more expensive. However, it’s a small price to pay compared to a stack of psychiatric bills, or worse, funeral and burial costs.
Think about it.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Agreed
Thank you so much! 💖
🙂🙂
Yes, moving schools worked for me too when I was bullied one year. I ended up going to a all girls school, which was way better in the end!
That’s awesome, Stella! I’ll bet your grades went up too!
Great post 👍 I know the pain of being broken.
Thank you so much, Ruby! 💖🌺🌻 I know that pain too and it’s devastating! 💔
I wish they would criminalize bullying. It’s a vicious, cruel and hateful crime and should be treated as such. There should be a law against bullying and any student who breaks it should be face the consequences and their parents should be held And the parents of the bullies should be held accountable as well. Bullying has been going on too long and needs to be dealt with. Every student has the right to feel safe in their schools. They are there to learn not to be bullied. Thanks for continuing to raise awareness, Cherie. As someone who has been bullied, you are helping so many people. Kudos to you.
You’re most welcome! Bullying does need to be criminalized. However, I don’t think the powers that be will make it against the law because they are the ones who do most of the bullying and it has been working for them. So, I’ve found that the best I can do is to teach targets what to look for and how to defend themselves properly.
I never thought of the term “bully” until late into my adult years. Most likely due to the subject getting more exposure in mainstream media. I remember thinking back to my youth that this behavior was normal. That everyone whom didn’t fit a specific criteria or clique, was ultimately subject to bullying. Thankfully, the discussion has broadened, mental health is taking a more prominent role, and I have been able to work through some of my post trauma with a professional. Therapy is for everyone, even if people think they don’t need it, talking with a licensed professional is extremely cathartic and purifying. However, I don’t want people to think they can go to one session and be “cured.” It will take time. Imagine your trauma encapsulated in a bottle, and that bottle is buried in the sand, deeper each year. This is how humans contain trauma and until you are ready to face it (contingent on you haven’t had an emotional episode or ‘explosion’), you need to dig it up before you can face it. Anyway, thanks for your great blogs, I enjoy reading them and hopefully people can gain something from my comment!
Youre most welcome! And thank you so much for your thoughts on this! 😊🤗 You’re right, bullying was once considered normal and if you didn’t fit the cookie-cutter version of the way others wanted you to be, then you were just stuck in a cycle of bullying and abuse and people thought you deserved it because you didn’t conform to their ridiculous standards. People didn’t allow you to live life on your own terms. And back then, itbwas hard to talk about about there was a lot of shame in being bullied. I’m so glad that isn’t the case anymore.
This post really hits home because my sister had a group of nasty girls who bullied her – once even trying to put her face in the toilet. My parents wouldn’t transfer her and overlooked it because it was a “good Christian school”. She’s still going to therapy and healing from all that. She feels her development has been stunted as a result. I feel very bad for her, but I’m happy she’s been doing the work to get better. It’s just too bad it’s always the kid who always has to pick up the pieces.
My heart goes out to your sister, Sara! 💔 And I’m sorry she was prevented from moving to a better learning environment. But I’m so glad she’s working to be healed. 💖🌺 She’s going to be okay, I think! 😊
Yes you’re right. She will be just fine. I believe she does want to get better.
I’m so proud of her! Please tell her I said so. 💖🌺💐🌞
Aw I definitely will. :3 🙂
😊🤗💖
Parents don’t realize that a manual to help guide them parenting doesn’t come with the new born. Its a hands on skill that has to be developed. Leaving a child in a toxic environment each day should be a no brainer… just get the loved one out. Sadly sometimes parents are short sighted. They may think the issue will work out, while the child suffers to no end.
The reality of bullying is being talked about more than ever, so guardians of young loved ones have access to information to help them see the big picture. StopBullying.Gov is just one place a parent can go to to address the bullying immediately. This blog is another resource to build on the skills needed that have to be learned. If moving a child to another school, the issue of social media should be addressed. Making a clean break would include taking down websites or social apps the bullies might have access to.
I totally agree with you on everything, Darnell. Parents need to realize that moving the child to a better learning environment can make all the difference whether they decide to end their lives or to go on living. And yes, many times, bullies use social media to.folliw their targets when they no longer have physical access to them. Which goes to show that bullies are obsessed with their targets and don’t want to let them go. They’re like an abusive partner when their target and significant other leaves! It’s drives them nuts!
Some use the argument that there have been targets who transfer to another school/town and get bullied in the new place. Their question is: “What, are you going to keep transferring your child again and again?” They will argue that it would even be worse for the target’s education. My suggestion would be that if it came down to that, then home schooling is the answer.
I totally agree! Transferring schools worked for me and it worked for you but it may not work for everyone. Homeschooling is the best route to go, me thinks! 😊😊😊
Kindness wisdom truth ✨ Cherry keep up your great work. I bet you saved a life today 😔 shalom
Thank you so much! This means a lot! 💖
So well said, these bullies are roaming freely everywhere especially in childhood they leave a big impact where a child hardly knows anything about their mental health that takes a big toll on them.
They sure do! Bullies leave huge scars that can last a lifetime if targets don’t find a way to get their confidence back.