Category: standing up to bullying

when bullies lose power over you in school

When Bullies Lose Power Over You: 4 Things that Happen

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What happens when bullies lose power over you? Discover 3 things that happen when bullies realize they can no longer control you.

when bullies lose power over you

In this post, you will learn what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you’ll know what to expect.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be better equipped to prepare for your bullies’ reactions and protect yourself from any reprisals.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can be ready for anything they throw at you.

When Bullies Lose Power

When you take back your power, bullies react in various ways. This is because they feel a sense of dismissal or rejection when you stop letting them control you.

Nobody likes being rejected and dismissed – especially by someone they consider inferior. That’s a blow to the ego like no other!

When you finally dismiss a bully, oh my goodness! They lose it! Why? Because they thought for so long that you were too weak to stand up to them.

Therefore, the minute you finally stood your ground, you snatched your power back and left the bully powerless over you! And now the bully must go through the headache of finding a new target! Gasp!

1. If a bully cannot control you, they will attempt to control how others see you.

There are several reasons they do this. Number 1, they’re afraid that you’ll tell others the truth about them, so they do it to cover their backsides.

Number 2, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself.  And number 3, to close you off from any human connection and therefore, any protection.

Bullies know that if they can isolate you, they can reclaim their narrative. They can cut off any protection you might receive, then you are theirs for the taking, and they can move in for the kill.

Now, they can do with you whatever they choose, freely and with impunity. Why? Because if everyone is against you, the less likely they are to help you. Think about it. If everyone else is against you, then, in their minds, you deserve what’s happening to you.

Therefore, they will try to turn others against you.

Bullies want to, figuratively, hold you hostage. And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you “in your place.”

2. When Bullies Lose Power:

They will use physical violence if nothing else works.

Bullies will commit their violence either by assaulting you themselves or sending someone else to do it for them. This does not mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself, because you should.

However, when you do, be prepared. The torment may get worse before it gets better. But be strong. Be brave and know that it isn’t your fault.

3. The power dynamic shifts in your favor

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately reclaim your personal power. Moreover, you put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

You flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle rejection. They feel that they must always be in a position of power in the bully/victim relationship.

A bully gets angry enough when anyone stands up to them. But if the person standing up to them is someone they’ve grown accustomed to having power over, it makes them livid.

You must realize the reason for this. This is because you’re likely at the bottom of the pecking order. So, when you finally buck up and stand up to a bully, you, figuratively, trade places with the bully and put them on the bottom, if only for that moment.

When bullies lose power over you, here are their unspoken messages:

  • “How dare you!”
  • “Who is this phlegm-wad to stand up to me? ME!
  • “This piece of scum is supposed to be under me, and here she is talking to me and acting like she’s OVER me! Oh no! This can’t happen!
  • Who does this loser think she is!”
  • “The nerve of that &#$%!”
  • “She’s making trouble, and now I’ve got to really act out to put her back under me where she belongs!”

Bullies need raw power!

Understand that bullies rely on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion to get what they want. And they’ve been steamrolling you for so long that they’ve become quite arrogant and self-satisfied.

Do you know what happens when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and set your foot down? You will throw them off balance. And do you know what else you’ll do?

You’ll blast a huge hole in their ego and shock the hell out of them. And trust me when I tell you. Your bullies will become highly pissed!

In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. If the bully has narcissistic personality disorder (and most bullies do), they will go into a rage.

When bullies lose power over you, be prepared for anything.

If you are a victim of bullying and you finally grow a spine, your bullies will do anything they can to break it. They will escalate the bullying when you first stop accepting it.

Therefore, when you tell bullies to kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority over you. Again, bullies have delicate egos. And when the ego is at stake, people will act out.

Bullies are very prideful, and their pride takes a massive blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than be made inferior, especially to their targets.

4. They become vindictive.

Bullies despise boundaries. When you stand up to your bullies, be prepared for a battle of wills. Your bullies will seek revenge, and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

Realize that they don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. And they don’t care how you’ve suffered.

The only thing they are thinking about at this moment is that you challenged their superiority and authority. In their eyes, you are a victim and nothing else. In other words, you are beneath them.

And, still! You had the nerve to undermine them and make them look like punks. Now you must pay a price for it. This is how bullies think.

But don’t let that stop you from defending yourself, no matter what. You have a right to safety and to be treated with dignity.

You must do what you must to protect yourself.

If the bullying becomes too much to deal with, there’s nothing wrong with leaving the environment. Realize that leaving is not running. It’s not being fearful or “chicken.” It’s self-care, it’s smarts, and it’s self-preservation.

You must do what you must to protect not only your physical health, but also your mental health.

When Bullies Lose Power:

What Happened to me when I had the Chutzpah to Stand up to a Bully

This is precisely what happened when I unfriended an old bully classmate over snide comments on some of my posts. She became furious! She couldn’t stand it! And I’ve got to tell you. I’m laughing as I type this.

This half-crazed woman blew up my inbox. And with such vitriolic rage! Oh, my goodness!

How dare I! The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah of me! O-M-G! I’m such a fake! I’m such a pissy person who deleted her because I got called out! Oooooo! Poor baby! I’m such a weak little bitch who can’t take constructive criticism!

This is what she messaged me before I laughed and pushed that little godsend of a block button. I would’ve pushed the button sooner. However, I had to let it percolate a little.

I was getting a real kick out of her reaction, and I wanted to give her time to shoot herself in the foot. Sure enough, she did.

I took screenshots of her messages—one in which she repeatedly asked, “Why did you delete me?” Then I plastered them all over the internet. The icing on the cake was that some of the other classmates saw the screenshots too and they were shocked.

I exposed her before the eyes of some of her old high school buddies. That’s when that she-bully went even more berserk. And, I have to admit. It was so fun to watch!

I kid you not. There wasn’t enough popcorn in the world!

You see, this woman thought that I was weak in high school. She never bet on the possibility that I had smartened up a little since. So, I went ahead and let her assume what she wanted and trapped her with it.

Therefore, I want you to know that standing up to a bully isn’t as hard as you think. It’s quite easy if you don’t let intense emotions get in your way.

Bullies get their power from getting you emotional. And when you finally come to a place where they can no longer faze you, the better you’ll be able to use your head. You will find some leverage and use it as a weapon.

Understand that when bullies fly into a rage, they can no longer think clearly. That’s when you have the opportunity to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can know what to expect when you finally stand your ground.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

confronting bullying at school

Confronting Bullying: 4 Things Bullies Do When You Speak Out

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‘Want to know about confronting bullying and the blow back you’ll likely get so that you can be encouraged to stay strong and keep speaking out and defending yourself? Here are all the ways bullies retaliate when you confront their bullying head-on.

confronting bullying

Confronting bullying isn’t easy by any means. Bullies can be intimidating and you may balk at standing up for yourself because you don’t know what the bullies might do. However, bullies are just as humanly vulnerable as you. They just won’t tell you.

This is why you must defend yourself no matter what your bullies may say or do to retaliate. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about what comes with confronting bullying so that you will be prepared.

Once you know all about this life-changing information, you will be compelled to keep your wits about you and confront bullying no matter how intimidating the bullies are.

Confronting Bullying

Confronting bullying can be one of the scariest things to do. However, if you want to ensure your safety later, it’s something you must do.

You know bullying when you feel it.

One of the saddest things about bullying is the confusion it often brings. Bullies and others will often confuse and mislead you. They will tell you that no one is bullying you. Maybe they’ll accuse you of having paranoia.

When you defend yourself against a bully, others may gaslight you by either trivializing or dismissing what you just experienced. They may tell you, “it’s only in your mind” or accuse you of being too sensitive.

If you’re not careful, they may even convince you of it! This will only force you to endure the torment in silence. Bullying feeds on silence.

Bullying Cannot Thrive Without Silence

Therefore, people will let the bully off the hook. Even worse, they’ll be free to target you again in the future. The bully gets the message that it’s okay to target you.

So, they’ll bully you simply because they can. And they do it with impunity.

After so long, you’ll begin  to feel as if it is somehow wrong to report and stand up to bullies. You’ll then question your own sanity, thinking, “Maybe it really is only in my mind.”

Moreover, you’ll grow silent for fear of being gaslighted and seen as “having paranoia,” “unhinged” or “overly sensitive.”

However, know that these labels mean to undermine and steal your voice.

Confronting Bullying:

It’s Not Only In Your Mind.

If you’re a target of these mind games, let me assure you: It’s NOT only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby or whatever else unsavory people may call you.

Therefore, always remember that bullies are very skilled and convincing liars. You always know when something does not feel good. Your brain and your gut always let you know when something isn’t right!

You can sense it. Moreover, you can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you.

You can see and hear them talking through their teeth. Also, you can hear the short and cold tone in their voices.

You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people, pronto!

Anyone who causes you to feel bad does not deserve the time of day from you.

It does not matter if they are rich, smart, good looking, popular, successful, cool or tough. If they cause you to feel less than, ditch them! Weed. Them. Out!

Why? Because they aren’t worthy of even being in your presence. Never allow anyone to violate your boundaries, whether physical or psychological. Also, never allow anyone to silence you. Speak out! Refuse their gaslighting.

Self awareness is key, as is awareness of everyone and everything around you. Also, setting boundaries is equally important. You must get to know yourself. Listen to your body and the sensations you feel.

It is imperative that you get absolutely clear on what you will and will not accept. Only then will you be able to tell the difference and send your bullies packing.

Confronting Bullying:

Don’t be afraid of your bullies’ reactions to your speaking out.

When you begin speaking out about your bullies and their abusive behavior, you put them on high alert. In other words, you put them in defense mode.

This is when they’ll do one, some, or all of four things.

1. Lash out at you.

This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. In other words, they’ll scream and yell at you. They’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God.

I know it’s difficult but don’t panic and don’t be afraid.

See it for what it is. You just forced them to reveal their true colors. Any time your bullies get outraged and attack you , that’s when you know you’ve busted them.

Again, you’ve forced them to out themselves! Yay for you!

2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face.

Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively. They’ll swear up and down they never bullied or mistreated you.

They may even throw out subtle hints that you must’ve misinterpreted them. They’ll claim that you “have everything misconstrued.”

Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is gaslighting. Moreover, it speaks volumes about their character.

3. Confronting Bullying:

Defame you.

The second you call out their abuse, is the second bullies lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others. Therefore, they’ll tell everyone who will listen what a lying, lowdown piece of garbage you are.

However, don’t let it phase you. Realize that they’re panicking and in a mad rush to do some damage control.

They’re afraid that word about their true nature just might get around and cause them to lose face. The last thing bullies want is for you to expose them.

Most of the time, your bullies will tell others that you’re experiencing some sort of mental episode. This is the classic reaction of abusers. They always attack your mental health.

Again, they’re only revealing their true colors. Why? Because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care. Therefore, they wouldn’t react so desperately.

See this as an admission of guilt.

4. Avoid you.

These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared.

However, this is the best outcome. If they’re avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them bullying you again.

Why? Because they know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already very quickly circulating.

So, the last thing they want is to do anything that will make them look guilty. They fear their reputations are already on shaky ground.

These people are cowards, yes. However, they’re making the smartest move by simply staying away from you. They’ll even avoid mentioning your name.

Be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long. They may avoid you long enough to defame you to others.

Or, they just might secretly plot revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in different ways. They may use one or all of the above measures to discredit you.

Confronting Bullying:

Bullies count on you staying quiet about their abuse.

You must realize that bullies and abusers, even former bullies, count on your silence. In fact, they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed.

Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them. Why? Because they risk losing respect in the community. The last thing they want is for other people to see them for the monsters they are.

Bullies make everything about appearances. Therefore, when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them.

So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make the following statements.

  • “Well, we were just kids then.”
  • “But that’s all water under the bridge.”
  • “Just let bygones be bygones.”
  • ”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it.” Also, they may accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.

However, your bullies have other objectives as well:

  • Bullies say these things to minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
  • Also, they want to make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
  • And, to cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations or any backlash they might receive.

Therefore, don’t be afraid. Instead, see through it all and let them launch their personal attacks.

Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point. When you speak out about the abuse, you force your bullies to explain themselves.

Anyone who must explain and justify themselves is never in a powerful position.

So, in forcing your bullies to explain themselves you instantly snatch them out of their position of power. You move them into a position of vulnerability.

In other words, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a very helpless and subordinate place. In short, you strip them of power. Ouch!

Confronting Bullying:

Power doesn’t explain itself.

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly remove their power. And their perceived authority disappears with it.

Why? Because neither power nor authority explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

Hence the reason bullies despise even the thought of having to give explanations. It puts them in a weak and subordinate position.

No wonder bullies get nuts when you out them!

This post is all about confronting bullying and everything that comes with it so that you can gather the courage to take back your personal power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

4. What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground