How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

December 19, 2024December 15, 20244 Comments

‘Want to know how to build self-confidence and self-esteem? Here are the exact steps to more confidence and better self-esteem, which leads to better overall mental health.

You can have all the determination in the world and work like a dog but without confidence, you are just spinning your wheels. Why? Because determination without it equals desperation and desperation comes from a spirit of lack.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to build self-confidence and self-esteem so that you can feel better about yourself, stand up to bullies, and go after what you want in life.

Once you learn this important and life-changing information, you will be compelled to do what you must do to raise not only your confidence and self-esteem, but your overall happiness!

This post is all about how to build self-confidence and self-esteem so that you can change your life for the better!

How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

When you’re always unsure and insecure, it is a proven fact that you won’t perform as well at school or work. Moreover, you’re likely to have strained relationships.

High self-esteem and confidence levels equal great performance and rewarding relationships, which equals success. Therefore, all this combined equals even MORE CONFIDENCE than before!

Why? Because it reinforces more confidence!

A winning attitude is key to having success in any area of life. Also, you’ll have faith in yourself, which will get you through tough times.

One of my favorite speakers is Zig Ziglar and he talks about “Stinkin Thinkin” and the damage it can do to self esteem. Therefore, you must turn this “stinkin thinkin” into thoughts of success, gratitude, and happiness.

Only then will you be amazed as you watch every area in your life take a turn for the better. And it will happen like magic!

Once you Build it, you must maintain it.

However, once you build your self-esteem and confidence, you must maintain them. Moreover, they will still be times when you will fail. However, remember this.

Failure is the predecessor of success. You will always make mistakes. No one is perfect nor all knowing. Instead of beating yourself up over your errors, look for the lessons that they mean to teach you.

Also, search for the positive in the mistake.

When someone tells you that you can’t, pay them no mind. Others can steal your morale if you allow them to. Moreover, understand that is not easy to be yourself and stay sure when surrounded by bullies.

Know that there will be others who hurl jabs and insults your way. Moreover, some people just won’t believe you can be successful. However, don’t put too much stock into their opinions.

Instead, hold on to your confidence and self-belief even if you have to give yourself pep talks several times daily. Adverse things will happen and people will hurt you. It’s just a part of life.

To feel hurt, anger, or sadness is normal and expected when something negative happens. Also, there will be times in life when you will not feel confident. Things will happen and throw you off kilter.

However, the difference is that when you have confidence, you will bounce back more quickly and will be less likely to dwell in negativity.

How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem:

If you have a negative mindset, you’ll need to reprogram your thinking.

For instance, if people bully you at school or at work, you’re more likely to feel insecure and have a horribly negative outlook. Therefore, it will take a lot of reprogramming in order to take back your confidence.

Moreover, it will be the hardest thing you may ever do in your life. It is easy to change certain things about yourself.

However, changing your thought patterns once others have conditioned you to think a certain way, is one of the hardest feats to accomplish. And it won’t happen overnight.

Negative thought patterns can take years to change completely.

However, once you start, little by little, you will see a positive difference in your outlook. Also, the circumstances that come into your life will change for the better.

You will begin to feel confident and the more confidence you have, the more momentum you will have behind it.

Therefore, always keep that momentum going and you will be on the right path for the rest of your life. With confidence and a winning smile and attitude, you can achieve beyond your wildest dreams!

How to build self-confidence and self-esteem:

Here’s how it works.

Through our thought patterns, we unconsciously ask for what we get, good or bad. Therefore, by sending a certain vibe out you always get the same in return.

In other words, if you are negative, you are unwittingly asking for more negativity to come into your life. On the other hand, if you are positive, confident, happy and at peace then you are asking for more of the same and it shall be given.

So keep showing your pearly whites and smile from the heart! I once heard Zig Ziglar talk about a spirit of gratitude. Counting your blessings and being thankful are the fastest ways to turn any negative into a positive and with it comes confidence. He was right!

Here are the steps you can take to change your way of thinking.

1. Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, turn it into a positive thought.

For instance, you have a test or an interview coming soon and, in your mind, you ask yourself, “What if I fail?” or “What if I don’t make it?”

Immediately catch yourself. Then, turn that thought into a positive one by asking yourself, “What if I pass?” “What if I succeed?” or “What if I do make it?”

Or, if you find yourself thinking, “What if things go wrong?” Immediately turn it around and ask, “What if things go right?”

Also, if you catch yourself thinking that you’re a loser. Tell yourself, “No. I’m a winner.”

Continue doing this until thinking positive becomes like second nature!

2. How to build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem:

Maximize your chance opportunities.

If you’re talented in writing and you find that there’s a writing contest enter the contest. In other words, instead of letting this opportunity pass you by because you’re too afraid that you’ll lose, face your fears and enter the contest anyway.

And you never can tell. You just might win that contest! The point I’m making here is to try! Because if you don’t try, you don’t know. Put another way, if you try, you at least have a good chance of winning. However, if you don’t, there’s no chance of it.

Therefore, taking risks is crucial if you want positive change in your life.

3. Get out of your comfort zone.

This brings us back to what we mentioned in the last section, taking risks. Confident people with high self-esteem take risks. Therefore, because they take risks, they score many successes.

This isn’t to say that you’ll succeed every time, because you won’t. Even confident people fail. However, they don’t let failure stop them.

The confident do not give up. Instead, they move on to the next chance opportunity and they keep trying until they reach success!

Remember the line in Rocky Balboa, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.”

In other words, confident people get hit all the time, but they keep moving forward. They keep taking risks and they don’t stop until they get to where they want to be. And that’s how they win! So, don’t be afraid to take risks!

4. How to Build Self-confidence and Self-esteem:

Don’t Compare yourself to others.

Self-comparison is the killer of confidence and self-esteem. Therefore, stop comparing yourself to other people. Moreover, realize that we are all different and we’re each made to do different things and have diverse experiences.

Embrace the fact that each person has a different mix of talents. Some have more gifts, some have less. However, it doesn’t meant that those with less are less capable of success.

5. Turn negative self-talk into positive and loving words to yourself.

In other words, talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Instead of putting yourself down, begin building yourself up.

Giving yourself love and acceptance and know that you deserve it. Encourage yourself to keep going when things get tough. Give yourself the love you would give to your family and best friends.

6. Set goals and work hard to achieve them.

Set goals and go after them. Work hard and don’t quit until you achieve those goals. Moreover, never let bullies and jealous people discourage you.

Why? Because if word gets out that you’re working on a goal, there will be those who will do everything possible to discourage you. And this goes especially if you’re a target of bullying. Therefore, keep striving and don’t stop until you reach the finish line.

No matter what!

This post is all about how to build self-confidence and self-esteem so that you can achieve better mental health and better life results.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

5. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

Why is Self Acceptance Important? 21 Must-Know Reasons

December 3, 2024November 27, 202414 Comments

Sadly, many people go through life without self-acceptance. But why is self-acceptance important?

You may have heard the term “self-acceptance” many times before and may be asking yourself, “Why is self-acceptance important?” Moreover, you may not even know what it is.

Here you will learn the definition of if, why it’s important, and how you can achieve it in order to better your life.

Once you learn all these important details and put them to use, your confidence will soar and you’ll finally be able to take more control of your life and it’s trajectory.

This post will give you the answers to the question, “Why is self-acceptance important?” so that you can reap the benefits of it and reclaim your personal power.

Why is self-acceptance important?

Again, there are many reasons. However, first, lets discuss exactly what self-acceptance is and how it relates to bullying and it’s victims.

Anyone who has ever been bullied will tell you that it sometimes takes years to overcome the after-affects, get completely comfortable with yourself and find happiness.

Because of the torment they suffer, victims often withdraw and become shy. Moreover, the shyness can last a lifetime if they aren’t careful.

This reserved condition often comes from not only fear, but a lack of self-acceptance. Shyness is painful. Therefore, self-acceptance is the most important gift you can ever give yourself.

Here are the reasons that self-acceptance is so important.

1. you can see your own beauty.

A lack of self-acceptance blinds you to your own individual beauty. Therefore, once you accept yourself for all that you are, you will easily see your beauty and every good quality you have. You will then relax and just be.

2. you give yourself permission to make mistakes.

You realize that everyone screws up, including yourself. Therefore, you’re okay with making errors. You may not necessarily like goofing on a project, or singing off key. However, you’re still okay with the blunders you make throughout your life simply because everyone else does it too.

Moreover, you won’t try so hard to be perfect because you realize that perfection is impossible for anyone to reach. So, you’re able to just relax and go with the flow.

3. Why is self-acceptance important? You feel free to express yourself.

The reason many victims of bullying don’t practice self-expression is because they’re afraid that others won’t approve. In other words, they spend too much time worrying about what other people think or what they’ll say.

Therefore, they live in an invisible prison they don’t know how to escape from. The prison of whether they get other people’s approval. What they don’t realize is that they don’t need approval from anyone else.

However, when you express yourself, you don’t feel restricted. Therefore, you feel free to express yourself and aren’t the least bit concerned with what the people around you might think about it.

Why? Because you know that you don’t need the approval of others to live your truth and be who you are.

4. You feel free to be yourself.

In other words, you know you don’t need to try and be someone you aren’t. You don’t have to put on a big front to impress others. You’re completely comfortable in your own skin and as discussed in number three, you express yourself more freely.

Moreover, when you can be yourself, you’re relaxed, calm, and content with who God made you to be.

5. You accept all your flaws.

Why? Because you realize that everyone has imperfections. Therefore, you understand that you’re no different and you’re fine with it.

In other words, you accept all parts of yourself, the good and the not so good.

6. Why is self-acceptance important? You’re not afraid to display all your talents, gifts, and natural abilities.

Though others may criticize you for it, mostly out of jealousy, you keep showing what you can do best. Moreover, you’re not concerned with the way people may feel about it.

Sure. You like to display your natural gifts before others, but you do it because you enjoy it and not to impress anyone.

7. You feel free to have your own opinions, feelings, and beliefs.

In other words, you’re not afraid to voice those opinions. In today’s world, being an individual and having your own opinions is of the utmost importance.

Why? Because now more than ever, society frowns on differences of opinions and beliefs. Agreeing to disagree is, sadly, becoming more and more out of date with the majority of people attacking those with differences in thought, taste, and opinion.

Understand that no two people are going to agree on everything. That’s why you must have the courage to have your own beliefs and convictions even if it causes others discomfort.

8. you work on getting to know yourself better.

You can begin keeping a journal and writing in it everyday. Also, you can take a few courses and try new things. These are a few ways to get to know yourself better.

9. You’re not afraid to grow, learn, and try new things.

Learning and trying new things brings growth. Moreover, it’s also exciting! Therefore, never stop learning, no matter how old you get. Because, when you stop learning, you become stagnant.

10. Why is self-acceptance important? Because You’re more likely to face your fears head-on.

Self-acceptance takes courage. Moreover, when you accept yourself, flaws and all, you’re more likely to take risks.

Risk taking is important because it brings you out of your comfort zone. And when you step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there, amazing things happen!

11. you discover talents and abilities you never thought you had.

When you accept yourself, you’re more willing to try new things. And when you try new things, you’ll find those hidden natural gifts and abilities. Also, you’ll have the patience to practice them and the courage to show them to others.

12. You believe in yourself.

In other words, you believe that you can succeed at what you set out to do. You have confidence in yourself and are much less afraid to take on projects and tasks.

Moreover, you’ll be more confident in tackling anything life throws your way. Why? Because you know that you’re strong and that you’ll triumph over it.

13. Why is Self-Acceptance Important? Because You’re not afraid to set goals, work on those goals, and pursue your dreams.

People who accept themselves have goals to work toward and dreams to fulfill. They’re usually so busy that they don’t have time to worry about what others think and seek approval.

Therefore, accept yourself and be too busy doing you! This will only bring you success and happiness down the road if you don’t give up.

14. You practice self-care.

When you accept yourself, you love yourself. And when you love yourself, you’re more likely to take care of your body. In other words, you’ll make sure you eat right and exercise everyday.

Also, you’ll get plenty of rest at night and see the doctor if you get sick.

You will take care of your mental health as well. Moreover, you’ll do this by protecting your peace from bullies, abusers, and other toxic people.

15. You’re not afraid to set boundaries nor to enforce them if you need to.

In other words, you don’t put up with bad behavior from anyone. Again, you’ll protect your mental health by keeping toxic people out of your life and protecting your peace.

Moreover, you’re not afraid to set boundaries and call out anyone who verbally abuses you. And you aren’t afraid to walk away from people who take advantage of your goodness or get abusive with you.

16. Why is self-acceptance important? When you accept yourself, new opportunities and better situations open up for you.

You’ll think that the floodgates of heaven have suddenly opened and you are being washed away in a river of blessings.

In other words, your relationships will improve and you’ll suddenly begin attracting better people into your life. You’ll make new friends and associates.

Moreover, other opportunities will come through these new people, such as great jobs, careers, and travel.

17. You’re not afraid to show your silly side and have fun.

In fact, you’ll enjoy having fun and goofing off a little. Also, the people around you will enjoy it too because you’ll be a fun person to be around!

18. You’re better able to have compassion and empathy for others.

The prerequisite to loving others is to love yourself and that takes self-acceptance.

If you can’t accept yourself, you won’t be able to accept others either. This is why a lot of people become bullies and most bullies haven’t achieved self-acceptance.

Being a bully doesn’t score any points. Moreover, it doesn’t make bullies feel any better in the long run. Sure, they may feel better about themselves the instant they put someone else down.

However, that feeling won’t last long. In fact, it fades rather quickly. They’ll then need to attack someone else to get that fix and it will only make them look like insecure little cowards.

But when you accept yourself, you don’t worry about the opinions of others and are better able to give love and compassion to the people around you. Even better, you won’t feel the need to bully anyone.

Therefore, work on changing the way you see yourself and begin loving yourself more.

Only then will you be able to properly love others.

19. Why is self-acceptance important? Your personal relationships improve.

Because you accept yourself, you accept others. You love yourself and give the same to others. This can only improve your personal relationships.

People love those who love them and they accept those who accept them. Therefore, your relationships can only get better, not worse.

20. You’re social life improves.

You become much more attractive to people and they are drawn to you like a magnet. And the individuals who are waiting for you to mess up actually get bored, give up and stop watching you. I know this from experience. Acceptance of self (all aspects) is such sweet freedom!

No one likes to be around a self conscious and insecure person with a victim-mentality who doesn’t like themselves.

Again, when you accept yourself, others will too.

21. You find peace and happiness.

Self-acceptance is one of the main stepping stones to happiness. When you accept yourself as you are, quirks and all, you release yourself from the enslavement of others’ approval. Moreover, you stop concerning yourself with how others see you.

In that, you lift a huge weight off your shoulders. This brings peace and happiness into your life.

This post is all about the importance of self-acceptance and the amazing life-changes it brings.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

2. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives

3. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

November 7, 2024November 24, 20245 Comments

‘Want to know what happens when you stop caring what people think of you? Here are the 9 life-changes you’ll notice.

When you care to much, you hold on too tightly to the outcomes instead of letting things happen naturally and in their own time. However, caring too much can make you a slave to other people’s approval and permissions.

This is no way to live.

In this post you will learn the positives that flow into your life when you stop caring. Period.

Once you learn about all these advantages, you will be more willing to just relax and go with the flow.

This post is all about the amazing things that happen when you stop caring about other’s opinions and approval so that you can experience more freedom than you ever thought possible.

So, what happens when you stop caring about other peoples opinions of you?

1. You stop apologizing for being you.

Why? Because you stop allowing others to make you feel guilty for just being you. Instead of hiding your flaws, you begin to embrace them.

Moreover, Instead of judging yourself, you start loving and accepting yourself- all aspects, the good and the not-so-good.

Even better you begin living up to your own standards instead of someone else’s. In that, you start living life on your terms.

2. You set yourself free from the chains of fear and anxiety.

It’s like a weight that you take off your shoulders because you’re no longer a slave to others’ opinions and approval. Moreover, you stop walking on eggshells and hiding your natural humanness.

Also, you stop feeling like you aren’t good enough and comparing yourself to others. When you stop concerning yourself with the opinions of others, you no longer allow anyone else to dictate what you should say, do, think, or feel.

3. What happens when you stop caring?

You permit yourself to make mistakes.

Therefore, you free yourself. You realize that everyone makes errors whether or not some admit it. Even better, you begin learning from those mistakes and seeing them as life lessons, instead of defects

Moreover, you finally accept that you’re not and never will be perfect. Who is?

4. You gather the courage to be disliked.

Why? Because you realize that like and dislike are subjective, never personal. You accept that not everyone is going to like you and are not only okay with it, but you embrace it!

Moreover, you understand that a person who doesn’t have people who dislike them isn’t doing something right in one area or another. You also know that chances are that they aren’t embracing their true, authentic self.

5. You follow your heart.

You freely do the things you love to do. Therefore, you sing, dance, speak your piece, and yes! Even act a little weird. In all this, You take back control of your life and find freedom you’ve never known.

The day you stop caring what people think is the day you get your life back!

6. What happens when you stop caring?

Your bullies slowly disappear.

Your bullies will notice the change in you. They’ll attack you, as usual, but suddenly, their pettiness doesn’t affect you like it once did. In other words, your bullies will notice that you no longer give them the reaction they’re looking for.

At first, they may try harder to get it. However, they’ll soon get the hint that you’re just bored with their childishness. And, when enough time has passed, one by one, your bullies will begin to disappear from your life.

Why? Because you’re no fun anymore and now, the bullies must search for an easier target to take your place.

7. You feel great about yourself.

In other words, you will begin to feel beautiful, smart, and, best of all, equal.

8. Positive things, events and circumstances begin coming your way.

Moreover, they will do it magically and seemingly without effort. You will begin attracting the right people into your life.

Instead of drawing in users, abusers and losers who are out to get something from you, you will draw in genuine people who were loving, caring, uplifting, and inspiring.

Existing relationships will drastically improve. An abundance of opportunities and blessings will flow into your life.

Also, you’ll start seeing wins and successes and life will become very rewarding and fulfilling. As a result, this will only encourage you to stretch your imagination, take more risks, and try new things.

9. What Are other things that you notice when you stop caring?

You look back and wonder why you even cared what your bullies and others thought.

Why? Because you’ll finally know that they never meant jack to you and couldn’t do anything for you. Moreover, you’ll realize that they’re not your family or friends. Also, you will think to yourself:

These creeps aren’t my family or friends.
They don’t pay my bills nor sign my paycheck every week.
These jerks don’t hold my life in their hands.
And they most certainly aren’t people I care anything about.

10. You wonder why you wasted so much time and energy on people who were never worth your consideration.

Why? Because you’ll realize that most of those people were never even worth your consideration.

Moreover, you’ll realize that the only opinions that matter are those of my God, your family, spouse and closest and most trusted friends.

You’ll also realize that the only things that matter are your faith in God, your dreams, morals, and taking care of the people you love. In addition, you’ll place value on your ability to be the best you that you can be, and on your desire to extend kindness and help those who need you.

Anyone or anything outside of that will be irrelevant.’

I understand that it’s difficult to love yourself when it seems no one else does. However, you must commit an act of rebellion against those people. And how you do that is to continue to love and respect yourself.

Realize that the best kind of love is the love you give yourself. Why? Because, without self-love, you won’t be able to love others properly and healthfully.

Therefore, you must decide that you’re going to love yourself no matter how others feel about you. However, it may not happen overnight.

This will be the beginning of a long journey. You may be about to take on an exceedingly difficult task. And that will be to reprogram your mindset.

In other words,, you’ll need to purge all the negative stuff people have told you for many years. And it won’t be easy by any stretch.

What happens when you stop caring? Life just gets better!

It will take reversing and undoing many years of abusive programming. Also, it will require a lot of grunt work.

Moreover, when you rise to this challenge, there will be times when others will fight against you. But, why would they do that?

Because they won’t like the differences they see in you. Understand that they’ll be threatened by the positive changes you’ll implement for yourself.

Also, your mind will fight against you as well. But, stick with it because that tiny spark within you will always tell you that you deserve better.

You’ll continue to vomit out all the garbage others have made you believe about yourself. And it’ll be difficult to cleanse yourself of the negative thoughts and self-beliefs that have kept you shackled for so long.

It will be a long fight, I won’t kid you. However, it’ll be so worth it in the end! You be be happy, confident, and comfortable in your own skin. In other words, you will experience a freedom you’ve never known!

So, continue to put in the work to break the chains that bind you.

If you’re a victim of bullying and haven’t gotten there yet. I want you to know that loving yourself is the hardest lesson you’ll ever learn.

11. What happens when you stop caring?

You turn your pain into power.

However, sometimes, you have to be torn apart to put yourself back together again. You have to be naïve to become wise.

Also, you must be weakened by bullying for several years before you can finally realize your own strength. And you have to be cheapened by others before realizing your worth.

And lastly, you must feel hate from others before you can love yourself fully and completely. There will be people who will drum so much poison into your brain and make you feel worthless. However, you have a choice whether to allow them to do that to you.

Realize that there are people who want you to hate yourself as much as they hate you. But don’t give them the satisfaction! Hold on to your self-love no matter how people bully and abuse you.

Here’s how you do it:

Celebrate your successes even if you don’t feel up to it.
Make a list of your positive qualities.
Make positive affirmations.
Reward yourself.
Talk kindly to yourself.
Catch every negative thought and replace it with a positive thought.
Do things you enjoy most.
Stay away from toxic people if at all possible.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to meet standards that are unattainable.
Place no value on the opinions of people who aren’t worthy of your time and energy.
BE YOURSELF!

If you practice these twelve things every day, I promise you that you will see change in your overall outlook. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen fast. However, as mentioned earlier, it will all be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

This post is all about what happens when you stop caring what others think and the positive changes that happen when you do.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

2. When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

3. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

What Babies Can Teach Us About Confidence

December 5, 2023October 18, 20234 Comments

Babies are so adorable! They have that charm and innocence that no other age group has. They don’t worry about what others think of them and they never try to impress others. These little darlings display sweetness, purity, complete authenticity, and hearts of gold.

Babies have not a care in the world what people think of them. They have no inhibitions whatsoever. They’re not afraid to cry and express their wants and needs. You can see it in the way little toddlers shamelessly coo, laugh, babble, skip, run, and dance. And they’ll do it in front of anyone. These little sweeties are fearless. They’re not afraid to show their emotions, express their thoughts, show their creativity.

Furthermore, their precious little souls are completely open. They give, share, and receive love with an open and grateful heart. They love being loved and doted on and will receive it with a soft coo or laugh.

Everything starts with self-love and babies are a perfect example of it.

Sadly, as time passes and these babies grow bigger, the ways of people and the world slowly and incrementally taint their little hearts. Many grow up in toxic environments and with parents who excessively criticize and abuse them.

Therefore, they build a protective wall around themselves to try and keep the contamination out. Because family members and others discount, ridicule, even punish them for their feelings, they learn to mask those feelings. They collect emotional baggage as they become preschoolers, school-aged kids, then teenagers, and finally, adults.

Also, many are raised by drug-addicted, mentally ill, and neglectful adults and they build walls to protect themselves from that as well. Therefore, many must learn to raise themselves.

None of us have low self-esteem and lack of confidence at birth. Either ell-meaning family members who wish to keep us humble and sweet, instill those characteristics in us or bullies and abusers force-fed them to us.

Consequently, many adults will cause a baby to grow up thinking that they are unlovable. They don’t feel they deserve to have their wants and needs met. Thus, they grow up filled with either anger and self-loathing, or sadness and depression.

Life Has Ways of Eroding That Confidence and Goodness We Were Born With.

We all go through these terrible changes, even those who aren’t bullied. Only few people in this world manage to keep that confidence and joy they were born with. Furthermore, life’s disappointments, hurts, and heartaches have ways of doing these things to all of us. However, the worse changes happen to targets of bullying and abuse.

They stop expressing emotions and give up asking for anything. Why? Because sometime during their childhoods, other people conditioned them. They conditioned them to think that they’re self-centered and wrong for ever needing or wanting anything out of life.

Therefore, they resign themselves to the attitude that, things are “just the way they are” and that there’s nothing they can do to change anything.

Consequently, when you tell them about self-love and how important it is, they wince at the idea because it makes them uncomfortable. But, again, other people program them to think that self-love is somehow self-absorbed and evil. I can relate to this because, when I was thirteen and fourteen years old, I did the exact same when I was first told about the idea of self-love and self-care.

The thought of looking at myself in the mirror every day and telling myself “I love you” or “You’re beautiful,” “You’re Smart,” “You’re awesome,” etc., felt both weird. In fact, it felt downright sickening because I was under the impression that it was all a sign of sheer vanity.

It’s Sad When People Can Successfully Condition You to Believe that Self-love is Vanity

Self-love can feel downright painful after you’ve wasted years and decades hating and degrading yourself. After all, it’s not something you’re accustomed to practicing. Anything new and out of the ordinary feels painful at first. Like all things, it must first become a habit. And it can only become habit through rigorous learning and practice.

‘You see? My bullies and a few abusive others sold me on the idea that any form of self-care or self-love was abhorrent and self-serving. I was under the misguided belief that self-degradation and self-criticism was a virtue. It was a sign of being humble and meek. Therefore, I thought that was what normal people did, as I watched a few family members do the same thing.

Some of my family members still do this at times and it breaks my heart. If only they could see, I mean, truly see their value. . In my eyes, their worth is more than that of gold.

The truth is that self-hatred is the equivalent of having a millstone hung from your neck. You drag it around everywhere you go because it’s exhausting. Therefore, it zaps your energy. It takes the magic, wonder, and excitement from your life. And it keeps you stuck and worse, invites more disrespect and abuse from others.

Self-love doesn’t equal Vanity, It equals Virtue!

Self-love can only come from within, never from without. It doesn’t come from a partner, a spouse, or a boatload of friends. It can’t come from a banging body or fancy clothes, hairdos, or makeup. Money can’t buy self-love. Power doesn’t give it to you and neither does prestige. Self-love comes from the heart and only the heart.

Additionally, self-love is about self-acceptance and being perfectly okay with your imperfections. It comes from being comfortable in your own skin and not caring even the slightest what others think or say of you.

In order to find peace and joy in life, self-love is a must-have. It helps you to achieve your goals and realize your dreams and aspirations. It determines your outcomes- whether you succeed or fail. Also, it helps you to better re-frame bad situations and see them as learning experiences. Self-esteem and self-love give you peace of mind.

In a nutshell, self-love gives you complete freedom! It is the key to happiness and joy!

Don’t you think you deserve to be at peace with yourself? Don’t you think you deserve happiness and joy? I do.

So, be like a baby. Love yourself. Know that your true colors are vibrant and never be afraid to show them. Dance like you’ve never been ridiculed. And play like you’ve never fallen and scraped your knee. Express your emotions. Love, laugh, and live.

You’ll be surprised at how everything will change for the better! I promise!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Ways to Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

June 14, 20223 Comments

Bullying can be devastating to a child’s or teen’s self-esteem. And the damage can last a lifetime. It can have a negative effect on their progress even into adulthood.

No, it isn’t your fault. You and your child are innocent in this, but you still must do some damage control.

The parents of bullies should teach them kindness and empathy, yes. However, the targets’ parents also have work to do- they must teach their children confidence. Neither side gets out of this without some degree of responsibility.

I realize that it isn’t fair that most of the confidence-building work must be done on the target’s end. But nothing in life is fair and we can’t change that reality. We, as parents of bullied children still have to take action. We still must do our part to ensure our children’s confidence stays in tact so that they’ll be able to flourish. Therefore, it’s up to us to tip the mental health balance more in the target’s favor.

Teaching targets confidence involves teaching them never to look to bullies, or anyone for that matter, for confirmation of their worth and validity. Most of all, it means creating experiences for them that naturally balance out all the negative experiences they face at school. To neglect this work would be devastating for our children!

How do you do that?

**By giving them opportunities to make friends outside their toxic school environment.**

For instance, they can join a martial arts class, a scout troop, or go to summer camp, to name a few. There are so many options available for targets to forge lasting friendships. And you will be amazed at just how it will help build their confidence and self-esteem.

Yes, kind words, encouragement, and verbally re-enforcing positivity to your child is important. But giving them the positive experiences that back up your well-meaning words will work doubly well because it will serve as confirmation that they really are good and normal kids and give the self-esteem that extra boost.

So, give your bullied child fun, exciting, and positive experiences that they can look back on with confidence and assurance! They will thank you for it later! I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why It’s So Important for Targets to Meet New People Outside the Bullying Environment

October 25, 202115 Comments

If you’ve ever been a target of relentless and excessive bullying, meeting people, especially new ones, can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there. It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid the new person you meet will reject you. After all, it seems that everyone else you know already has, and you just can’t take another chance of it happening again.

But never be afraid to meet new people because they are opportunities for you to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to meet and establish connections with. They make the best potentials because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment, so, you aren’t a target to them and likely will never be one.

With total strangers, you can begin with a clean slate and have opportunities to put your best foot forward and get a fresh start.

Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy or nervous. Find out what you have in common with the person to establish common ground. Be genuinely interested in the person because people love the one who’s interested in them and their lives. Make small talk and show them the awesome, one in a million you.

I promise you that you’ll be glad you did, and your confidence and self-esteem will shoot up tenfold!

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Why Self-Love Doesn’t Mean Self-Centered

October 4, 202117 Comments

Some people get the two confused. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. But you can bet that bullies will accuse their target of it when they realize she’s growing a backbone.

Understand that when you start loving yourself enough not to take your bullies’ opinions of you seriously, the bullies will take notice of it right away. They’ll realize that they no longer have power over you. To get that power back, they will try like the devil to guilt you by accusing you of either selfishness or self-centeredness.

Don’t fall for that con game! When bullies lose the benefits they’ve grown accustomed to getting at your expense, they always get irate. Right or wrong, whenever someone has had power over another person for a long time and has gotten used to having that power, then suddenly loses it, of course, they’re going to be upset- and intensely so.

But don’t concern yourself with how your bullies feel. After all, they never gave a thought to your feelings the entire time they jerked you around.

Ditch these people! The sooner, the better! You’re not being selfish by choosing to put yourself first. What you’re doing is having the courage to love yourself and treat yourself better.

Realize that the bullies are the self-centered ones, in expecting you to go on being their doormat. No one has the right to expect you to put up with something they wouldn’t tolerate if it were happening to them.

To expect any differently from another person than what they’d do shows a complete lack of respect for people other than themselves and is sheer arrogance, self-entitlement, and stupidity.

There’s a name for this- double-standard!

Remember that we teach others how to treat us. And how we teach them to treat us is by how well we treat ourselves- by the boundaries we set, our ability to say “no,” and whether we continue to allow them to be in our lives.

So, treat yourself well! You’re worth it!

Reasons Bullies Hate Those Who Prefer to Be Themselves

September 7, 20218 Comments

Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s Why:

1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive, and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.

Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.

be yourself

2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.

Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.

But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you have to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin: What It Means

August 7, 202134 Comments

positive always be yourself

To become comfortable in your own skin, it takes several years and plenty of life lessons and experiences. It takes being knocked down enough times by enough people before you can finally say, enough is enough and choose to be happy.

And when we choose to be happy, despite our imperfections and what others think or say of us, we choose to be truly free! Free from the constraints of longing to fit in- free from the constraints of conformity!

To be comfortable in your own skin means loving and accepting all parts of you- the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

It means doing what fulfills you and makes you happy.

It means living life on your own terms.

It means refusing to apologize for who you are.

It means allowing yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.

It means refusing to live up to standards and expectations other than your own.

It means making time for hobbies and interests.

It means making time for your family and closest friends.

It means not being afraid to say no or to set boundaries.

It means not being afraid to ask for what you want.

It means following your dreams.

positive free happy hope peace confidence self-esteem

It means working toward your goals.

It means celebrating your successes and accomplishments.

It means not being afraid to ask for help when you need it.

It means being selective of friends and who you spend time with.

It means accepting and embracing differences in people.

It means having empathy and compassion for others.

It means putting yourself and your health first.

It means being realistic with goals and patient with the time it takes to reach them.

It means being present in the moment.

It means knowing your limitations.

It means knowing what you want in life and going after it.

It means being clear on what you will and will not tolerate.

It means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away.

It means knowing that you’re worthy of respect, love, compassion, friendship, and peace.

Most of all, it means the freedom to be.

Psst! I’ve Got a Secret! ‘Wanna Know What It Is?

June 16, 202120 Comments

dreamstime_m_29821250

Here it is:

Charles Manson Had Many, Many Followers. Jesus Only Had Twelve. If You Are Bullied, This is for You.

If you are a victim of bullying, you probably have very few friends, if any. It’s not your fault. It really isn’t. Truth be known, you’ve more than likely been bullied by your peers for a long time now and your lack of true friends has compelled you to question your own value.

You wonder what your are doing wrong and may even wonder if you’re a good person. Your family and those who truly care about you may assure you that you are indeed a great person, yet you may be thinking, “If I’m so great, why is it that people at school or at work treat me so badly?”

Believe me, I understand, having been through the same situation and had those very thoughts once upon a time.

However, a lack of friends does not mean you’re a bad person nor does it mean you’re doing anything wrong. You are NOT weak, stupid, ugly, crazy, trash or whatever your bullies may call you. No!

In fact, you just may be doing something right! And because you’re doing the right things, you stand out for it.

Think about it this way: Charles Manson, leader of the infamous Manson Family whom were responsible for several gruesome murders back in the late sixties, had many followers. He was responsible for the murders of high-profile celebrities Sharon Tate and Abigail Folger. It’s believed that he was responsible for the murders of over a hundred people.

But Jesus Christ, on the other hand, had only twelve. He never murdered anyone. In fact, He was sinless.

positive

Also, several big-name celebrities, such as Taylor Swift, Tamar Braxton, Lady Gaga, Prince, Tom Cruise, and Patrick Swayze also got bullied either in a past job, in school or sometime in their pasts and they were very talented and exceptional people. Some of them still get bullied today via hate mail or hate messages online.

Case in point: People who are great, uber talented, exceptional always stand out from the rest. And those who stand out will be targeted by bullies. Do you understand now? Great! I knew that you would!

Rest assured that despite the vile treatment that you may be getting from others, you are awesome and you still matter! Keep standing strong and never let bullies define who you are!

Confidence is Everything!

June 12, 20219 Comments

Confidence is the most important characteristic you can ever have, not only during school to ward off bullies, but all through life. It does not matter how smart you are or how high your grades are.

You can have five PhDs and be the smartest person on the face of the earth. But if you don’t have confidence, you will not be able to effectively communicate nor interact with people. Your social/people skills will be lacking and you won’t get anywhere in life.

Whether you choose to believe this, the reality is that other people really do have control over whether we succeed or fail in life. Other people are the gatekeepers to our success and if you think otherwise, you are only fooling yourself.

I’ll give you a few examples: You can’t get that high position you want without being selected for the job by another person- the interviewer, who could be the owner of the company, an HR manager, or supervisor.

dreamstime_xs_79211922

Even during school, although the vast majority of teachers and professors are honest and grade students fairly regardless of how they may feel about the individual, it’s still not unheard of for a student to receive a failing grade solely because the instructor didn’t like them. It does happen, though not often.

Confidence= great people skills= charm= great friends and connections= success!!! Great people skills will always trump smarts, good grades, high marks, and college degrees! Always!

Confidence, or lack thereof, is something that people notice right away when they meet you for the first time. When you walk into a job interview and meet your interviewer, he is going to notice right away whether you are confident in yourself and if you’re not, chances are very unlikely that you will get hired for that esteemed position that you have been coveting. The reason for this is that if you’re not confident in yourself, how then can you expect others to be confident in you?

dreamstime_xs_57544725

Make no mistake about it. Confidence is the number one ingredient in all areas of your life. It’s the first trait that potential employers look for and not only potential employers but also prospective associates, prospective customers, friends, and dates. Whether or not you are confident is something that everyone looks at unless they are so low on confidence themselves that they can’t afford to be the least bit selective.

This is why you must never let a bully take away your confidence. If another person has already taken it away, you must fight like crazy to get it back. You do this by surrounding yourself with people who love you and lift you up, doing the things you enjoy and are good at, showing off your talents, taking care of yourself, and taking pride in yourself and in your appearance. Only then will you begin to see your own worth.

If a person steals your confidence, they also steal your potential for success and happy life. In short, they steal your future. Bullies are confidence thieves! Never surrender your confidence to anyone! This brings me back to Ralph Waldo Emerson. He said it best when he made this quote:

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

How right he was!