Category: abuse

Bullying is Patterned and Predictable

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This is great news for targets and here’s why. Once you figure out the pattern, you become harder for bullies to bully. You are also able to better predict, with amazing accuracy, what your bullies will do next and after almost every given scenario.

For example, you instinctively know that once you report bullying, the bullying will escalate. You’ll also be able to recognize when the bullying becomes a pattern and you’ll begin saving any incendiary emails, messages, texts. You’ll begin taking screenshots of bullies’ comments on social media and you’ll begin documenting incidences in detail.

You will quietly gather your evidence, being sure to save everything, making multiple copies on multiple flash drives and keeping each of them in different locations.

Depending on the laws in your area, you will begin wearing discrete body cameras or keeping a digital audio recorder to get the bullying incidents recorded and making copies of those recordings as well.

You’ll also be able to stay one step ahead of your bullies by taking pictures of all completed work and making copies of important papers and receipts to keep in your CYA file at work or at school. You can make copies of your homework in case your bullies steal it to sabotage you and get you in trouble with school staff.

Again, bullying behavior and tactics are patterned and predictable. And the reason they are so is because they are both universal and timeless.

The behavior and tactics they use is nothing new. It’s the same worn-out crap that has been used since the beginning of time and the reason we haven’t wised up to it is because we’ve ignored it.

And when you ignore or overlook something, you don’t pay attention to it, and you aren’t observant of it. To see the pattern of bullying, you must be observant of it without paying attention to the bullies themselves.

Also, we haven’t considered bullying an important enough issue, and the reason we haven’t taken it seriously is because, for centuries, we considered a normal part of human behavior and were under the assumption that it happened to everybody, or it built character.

Yes, bullying is a dark part of human behavior, but so is murder, yet we don’t overlook it.

The best way to battle bullying is to teach targets confidence and how to recognize when normal teasing is beginning to morph into bullying. We must also teach them how to protect themselves from bullying and how to quietly expose bullying when it happens to them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

“My Give-A-Dam is Busted!”

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If you are a target of bullying, there are times when you get fed up with people’s crap. Then…BOOM! You snap on some creep who pushed you over your limit. Believe me, I understand and if this has happened with you, I cannot fault you for it. I empathize with you wholeheartedly.

It’s not that you want to fight. In fact, you hate fighting- intensely. However, if you’re a 5’4”, 120 lb. teenage girl with a target on her back, what do you do? Stand there and let them jump you?

Like most targets, I too hated to fight but there were times I didn’t have a choice. It was either fight or be beaten within an inch of my life. Not only the girls would try to jump me, but the guys would too and most of those redneck brutes had no qualms nor reservations about beating up on a female, even one who was little. Some of the bullies at Oakley High threatened with a knife or a box-cutter and it’s amazing I got out of there alive.

But that’s what bullying does to people if they don’t have the proper psychological tools, confidence, or know-how to deal with it. It makes them paranoid, makes them desperate, puts them in survival mode! In other (and more scientific) words, it awakens their primal instincts. It rewires their brains in preparation for a hostile environment.

A target of bullying must live in constant vigil and adrenaline. They must always be on alert- they must grow eyes in the back of their heads and be prepared for danger every time they turn a corner. That gets both frustrating and exhausting after so long.

I cannot count the times in school I showed my booty to people after having taken all I could take. And there were times I didn’t just let off a little stream, I blew a gasket!

The longer you are bullied, the more it builds- the sense of injustice, the sadness, the rage. It all piles up. We are all human and no one can hold that crap inside forever it doesn’t matter how resilient they are. It’s humanly impossible.

You’re like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken up until it finally spews.

Like a dormant volcano that finally awakens, you erupt when that last (and unfortunate) creep sticks as much as a toe over your boundaries. Some people, you scare half to death, others, you piss off even more and make twice as determined to get you, and few see your tirade as personal entertainment.

I did that a few times back when I was being bullied and abused at school.

There were times I’d yell, curse the bullies out, throw stuff, and slam doors. I would tell people to get the eff away from me and not to come back around. I admit it. I showed the worst sides of myself on a few occasions.

I remember grabbing one girl by the hair and beating the living snot out of her in the library after she’d spent the last month getting in my face and taunting during the last class of the day.

Another bully received the business end of a fist after attempting to shove me down a flight of stairs. I remember running back up the stairs, whacking her upside the head with a fist, a second time with my purse, then a textbook. The next thing I remember is dragging her down the stairs. She seemed to hit and bounce off every step going down.

Once I got her to the bottom, I beat and kicked her until a teacher and three other students pried me off her. These were only two of the many incidents that occurred during those years.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I’m proud of. Each time, I remember feeling terrible about it after it was over, and everything had cooled off. No decent person wants to lose their cool and act a fool, but when you been pushed and pushed, there is an eventual breaking point.

Yes, I got into fist fights. I won some fights but lost a few too.

Sadly, it all seemed to be a cycle. After getting bullied and bullied for several months, I’d snap. Some of the tiredness bled over into my home life. Sadly, when bullies have worn you down, you’re too exhausted to even be there for the people you love when they have problems too. You’re fresh out of patience and energy, and yes, even love.

You can’t pour from an empty cup and as a result, you just don’t give a crap- about anything or anybody. All you want is to be left alone.

I look back now and realize that I didn’t handle the bullying the right way. Understand that if you don’t set healthy boundaries, this is what can happen.

Today, I’m a much calmer and happier person than I used to be. Why? Because I’m more assertive and I set boundaries. If I say no or ask someone to please stop doing something when they violate my boundaries, and they insist on continuing the behavior, I either tell them to leave right then, or I walk away after telling the person exactly what I think of them. I then cut them out of my life.

I have learned that, although you cannot control another person’s behavior, you do have control over your own and whether to continue having them in your life. And if you refuse to associate with a person, they no longer have easy access to you. Therefore, it’s not nearly as easy for them to get to you and harm you.

So, never allow people to bully you and get out of control with their abuse. Speak out when people violate your boundaries. It’s the only way to keep the pressure from building and reaching a boiling point.

If this has been your experience, feel free to comment.

Naivete is Your Worst Enemy When You’re a Target of Bullying

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We all have been naïve at some point in our lives. But over time, we grow, we accumulate lessons learned and life experiences, some good and some not so good, then we become wise. Some people become sage quicker and others slower. What counts is that we eventually learn it doesn’t matter the pace.

However, the fact is that some people stay naïve for a long time, not that this is necessarily a bad thing and it’s not their fault. Sometimes, environmental reasons are why we take longer than others to realize what reality can bring- maybe we live in a sheltered environment, maybe we have a secure family and home life and, as a result, believe in the goodness in all people. Again, this is not a bad thing. However, it can mark us for bullying, abuse, and usery.

Bullies can smell naivete a mile away and it’s the main factor that determines their choice of targets. Any time you’re a target of bullying, you can’t afford to be naïve. However, the sad reality is that most people targeted for bullying are, in fact, naïve and, again, it’s the reason they’re so often selected by bullies and abusers for victimization.

When I was young, I was naïve when it came to people. I believed that all people were inherently good, and I believed it to a fault. I can admit that today. And the bullying I suffered years ago smartened me up when it came to the duality of human beings.

And like I was, most targets are empaths and hold the same belief- that all people are inherently good and would never deliberately aim to harm another human being without a darn good reason.

As children, we’re taught to think positively, and things will work out for the best. This is not to say that we shouldn’t think positively because we should. However, many of us fail to take into consideration that there are some bad people out there who have evil intentions.

Also, we live in a competitive world full of people like these- people who want to take what we have and people who want to hurt us. Failure to realize these harsh truths will only subject targets of bullying to years of abuse as the bullying will only go unaddressed.

Understand that bullies, especially those in power, will always win unless we learn to spot them ahead of time and learn strategies to counter their attacks. And we can only learn to counter them when we accept the truth- the presence of bad people in the world.

We must realize that once bullies have their sights set on you, they won’t just disappear. Bullies are very persistent with their goals to harm you and ultimately destroy you. It’s a hard truth to swallow because we all want to believe that all humans are good, but the fact is that many of them are monsters.

Not everyone believes in treating others as they would like to be treated. We know that bullies think they’re good people even as they destroy the lives of their targets.

When we’re naïve, we’re vulnerable because with out people-knowledge, we’ll continue to take abuse. We must gain knowledge of the bully mindset and the motivations and intentions behind each tactic bullies use.

Only then will we be able to protect ourselves and ward off bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

12 Signs You’re Being Gaslighted

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Bullies are notorious for gaslighting their targets. As we know, when a target speaks out about the abuse and begins defending themselves, bullies are quick to paint the targets as crazy, try to reverse the roles to make the target look like the bully, or try to convince the target that what happened didn’t really happen- that it was all in the target’s imagination, or they’re being overly sensitive, overreacting, etc.

If you’re a target, understand that bullies will gaslight you to shut you up, so that they can keep their moral high ground. They do it to make you doubt your sanity because they know that if you doubt your own sanity, it’s a sure bet that others will doubt it too.

It’s tough to know when someone is gaslighting you because when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to just shut up and go along with it. The reason for this compulsion is fear. You know that, more than likely, if you don’t just clam up and go along, you’ll only suffer more abuse as punishment for daring to open your mouth.

So, how do you know that someone is gaslighting you?

Simple. You know just by how it makes you feel. Here are the symptoms:

1. You’ll constantly second guess yourself – It’s a brutal cycle. You say something, make a judgement call, maybe a decision, and then you turn right around and begin wondering if you said or did the right thing. This is bad because second-guessing ourselves can cause us to feel stuck in life, and there are few worse things than feeling stuck.

 You’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard to make sure you do and say the right thing all the time. Also, too much second guessing can cause us to do and say the wrong things out of nervousness and that is no way to live life!

How you solve this problem is to stop worrying about what others think and to realize that your first instinct will usually be the correct one.

 2. You wonder if you’re imagining things or being too sensitive and you do it several times a day- They don’t call it “crazy-making” for nothing because it can drive you crazy. When people are constantly taking pot shots at you, you hesitate to make any comebacks because, again, you’re too busy doubting yourself and putting too much value on the opinions of others.

Again, the best way to solve this problem is to trust what you feel and go with it. You may get bullied harder for it, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself later, knowing that you stood up to those creeps?

3. You over-apologize- You apologize for trivial stuff that anyone else could do and probably get away with. You apologize for other people’s behavior. You even apologize for having to go to the bathroom! In short, you apologize for everything!

4. You’re confused all the time- Should you do this or that, say this or that? You live in constant confusion.

5. You’re never happy but you feel you should be- that’s a dead ringer that you’re being gaslighted. Because when people gaslight you even for feeling a certain way, this is what happens. And your feelings are right. You should be happier. Only you have a bullying gaslighter in your life holding you back from the happiness you so richly deserve.

6. You make excuses for other people’s behavior- this especially happens when you have fake friends who only use and abuse you. You don’t want others to know what they’re doing to you because you already know, and you’re riddled with shame over it. And it can be embarrassing when the people you call friends disrespect you because you end up looking pathetic to others. Therefore, you make excuses for them not only to hide the shame of being abused, but to keep your abusers from being angry and making you pay for it later.

But the only way to stop this is to face the truth and, even better, ditching these fakers. Because if you must make excuses for someone who’s bullying and abusing you, they can’t be a friend.

7. You lie to avoid being ridiculed or put down, even about things you should have nothing to worry about- when you feel you must lie about things that are not a big deal, that’s definitely a red flag!

Here are a few more symptoms to be aware of:

8. You feel that you’ve changed- that you’re no longer the confident and outgoing person you used to be.

9. You feel like you can’t do anything right.

10.  You feel hopeless.

11. You wonder if you’re good enough.

 12. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Realize that being gaslighted day in and day out causes you to eventually lose yourself- to lose sight of who you are and once that happens, bullies and abusers will have you exactly where they want you.

Understand that some things are not so clear and that there are situations that we won’t get direct and easy answers to. That is why it’s so important to go with how you feel. Listen to your body- listen to your gut.

“Trust your feelings, Luke.” – Yoda (Star Wars)

There are times when the way you feel will be all the answers you need.

And once you go with your feelings, find a way to rid yourself of the life-leeches in your life (if possible). It’s the only way you’ll be able to heal, get yourself back, and live a peaceful, happy, and purposeful life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Your Mind Is Yours and Yours Alone. Keep It That Way.

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Bullies don’t only want to hurt you or destroy your good name. More than anything, they want to get into your head and alter your mind.

The worst thing about bullying isn’t the physical assaults. Cuts and bruises heal easily. It isn’t even the name-calling, the smears, the rumors, or the marginalization. It’s what it can do to the mind if we aren’t careful.

The worst thing that can happen to a target of bullying is when he begins to believe what he’s being told. The worst thing that happens is when she begins to see herself through the eyes of the very people who hate her and who want nothing more from her than her complete destruction and ruination.

Anytime a target begins to believe he is nothing, he does himself a huge disservice because he discards his own definition of him and replaces it with that of his bullies. He values the bullies’ opinions over his own.

I cannot stress enough the importance of loving yourself even when it looks as if others don’t love you back. You must continue to believe in yourself even when it seems that no one else does. You must also continue to stand your ground even when people want to bury you in it.’

That’s how you keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. It’s how you keep even a little bit of your dignity and it’s how you protect your spirit from being broken.

Yes, your confidence may take many blows, but it doesn’t have to die. Your self-esteem may be pummeled, but you can keep it for hitting rock bottom. Bullies may break off pieces of your dignity, but you don’t have to give them the piece of it you still hold for yourself. Your spirit may take a hard beating, but only you decide whether to let them break it.

In short, you don’t have to surrender everything that matters to your bullies.’

You have more power than you know. Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have. No matter what they take from you, they can never take your mind if you don’t let them.

“Power is not what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Think about that quote for a moment and realize that it’s what all bullies live by.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

2 More Reasons Your Bullies Label You “Mentally Imbalanced” or “Crazy” and Why It Works

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Unfortunately, the label of mental instability is the easiest and most effective label to stick to a person. Sadly, a label like this tends to have loads of staying power because it’s the hardest to disprove- especially when the object of it is being bullied and mobbed.

Also, there’s a good chance that any target of bullying will be an emotional wreck because of the chronic abuse they suffer. So, there’s another reason the crazy label would be a clever label to pin to them.

When bullies label you as crazy, it doesn’t mean they actually think you are. Allow me to explain further:

Remember that bullies are big cowards and if they really and truly thought you were crazy, they wouldn’t mess with you at all. In, fact, they wouldn’t come near you. Instead, they would do everything they could to stay out of your way and avoid poking the bear.

They’d go out of their way to be on their best behavior around you because they know that if a person is, in fact, crazy, that person could rip their heads off and poop down their necks. That person could go postal and wipe them all out, then go home and eat a sandwich.

If a person with any common sense knows someone who is factually and utterly batshit crazy, their first instinct is to walk lightly around them and do their due diligence to keep from setting that person off!

So, if your bullies don’t really think you’re crazy, why then do they label you as such?

1. To discredit you. Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that eventually, you’re likely to get fed up with their crap and either report them or stand up to them. And if everyone thinks you’re crazy, who’s going to take you seriously when you report the bullying?

2. To make you afraid to speak out or stand up to them. Again, just in case you begin standing your ground or speaking out about the abuse, bullies employ this tactic to keep you quiet and, in that, clean their reputations spotless. If you know that people think you’re crazy, chances are good that you’re going to be too afraid to open your mouth about it because you know that people probably won’t believe you. They will only say that, because of your “mental instability,” you’re probably just being paranoid.

You’ll also be too afraid to fight back because if you do, you know that the bullies will only convincingly reverse roles and play victim. Then, others will only assume that you went postal and either hurt those poor, innocent bullies, or you just threw a temper tantrum and began shouting and cursing people out for no reason. All because you’re just “crazy.”

Sure. Mental instability is one of the hardest to prove. It’s true that your bullies can never prove you’re crazy, but there’s also no way that you can prove for certain that you aren’t. And it’s why this label is just too easy to pen on someone and make stick. In fact, it shouldn’t be this easy and be so successful. But it is.

Do you see how this works?

So, no. Your bullies don’t think you’re crazy, they think you’re weak. They only push the crazy label because weakness or helplessness in a person does have a certain allure and appeal and others may feel compelled to come to that person’s aid. Helplessness sparks a natural tendency in people to want to take care of the person who is helpless, but people are less likely to help the person who is deemed crazy. Bullies instinctively know this. So, they label the target crazy to strip him/her of that allure and appeal.

In labeling you crazy and making it stick, bullies are better able to avoid being held accountable and if they can successfully dodge responsibility for their abuse of another human being, then they get to continue hurting and abusing that person freely and with impunity.

Understand that there’s a method behind the label of mental instability, crazy, unhinged, or whatever name you prefer. If you’re aware of the motives behind that label, the better you’ll be able to catch it and counter your bullies with it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Toxic Shame in Targets Resulting from Bullying

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Bullies ritually beat their victims down to the point that the poor targets have come to view themselves through the eyes of their bullies. Toxic shame is, perhaps, the worst type of shame a person can have. Because once you begin to view yourself through the eyes of your abusers, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

Their contempt, disgust, and aversion toward you have rubbed off on you, and you began to hate yourself. But I want you to understand that this is what your bullies want. They want you to hate yourself. Because the bullies know that if they can work on you and finally get you to hate yourself, they know they’ve won.

Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that you’ll submit to the abuse because when a person hates themselves, they think they deserve abuse.

When a target of bullying suffers from toxic shame, they accuse themselves of sins of which they aren’t guilty. They apologize incessantly over things that aren’t their fault. Ultimately, targets feel guilty for merely existing!

Toxic shame causes one to lose trust in himself and their decisions and judgments, and become afraid to make them. Ultimately, it makes for a miserable life.

The points mentioned above are why we must guard our self-esteem and confidence. But before we can do that, we must educate ourselves on where bullying comes from, the mindsets of bullies, how to spot them before they strike, ways for targets to minimize the effects of bullying, and the damage bullying can do. Only then will we have the knowledge to empower, protect, and take care of ourselves.

This is what this blog is all about, and it’s my wish that targets and potential targets learn these things to defend themselves. Because if we can reduce the number of victims, we can then reduce bullying.

With knowledge comes power!

Something Schools with Cultures of Bullying Rarely Think About

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Flush money down the toilet, throws dollar bills in the toilet, loss concept, close up, selective focus

“When bullied children stay home to avoid hurtful relationships, schools lose tens of millions of dollars each year, a new study says.” (Education Week)

According to The Atlantic (theatlantic.com) in a 2013 article by Eleanor Barkham, “160,000 kids stay home from school each day to avoid being bullied.” (https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp/.theatlantic.com/amp/article/280201/)

It adds up. Imagine those numbers per week, per month, and school year.
Each state funds each of its schools a specific dollar amount per day, per child in attendance. Therefore, when a student is absent from class on any given day, the school loses money for that particular student.

Many schools choose to sweep incidences of bullying under the rug. Even sadder is the fact that all too often, it’s the victims who get labeled the troublemakers, blamed for the incident, and punished while the bullies get let off the hook.

One hundred dollar bill on fire, male going bankrupt, losing money, inflation

This only encourages the bullies to bully the victim later. It’s the same cycle, which is why many victims begin skipping school to avoid their tormentors and the teachers and staff who continuously blame them for their own suffering.

I can’t say I blame these kids for staying home. Many times, I skipped class myself when I was in school and a victim of harassment. Who wants to be in an environment where they’re used and abused? You might as well stay home because you’re so busy watching your back that you don’t learn anything.

If bullying isn’t addressed at the district level, more bullied kids will skip school to avoid being tormented, and schools will lose more funds.

In my opinion, it serves these schools, right! It’s funny how things always run full circle!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Reasons Bullies Stick The “Crazy” Label on Their Targets

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Do you ever wonder why most bullies attach labels, such as “crazy,” “unstable,” or “mentally disturbed” to targets who stand up against abuse?

Here are the reasons:

1. The crazy label is used by bullies as a last option when there is nothing else they can pin on their victims.

2. A mental imbalance is the most difficult to disprove. If you are a target of bullying, and you have the guts to stand up against the abuse, the bully may tell everyone that you’re nuts, and everyone else may believe it too. However, although there is no way the bully can prove that you are, in fact, crazy, there is also no way you can prove that you aren’t.

3. They’re trying to make you doubt your own sanity. Don’t you doubt it for a second!

This is why the “crazy” label is just too easy to stick on anyone because people have a strong tendency to see the worst in others, and the burden of proof lies with the target. It is damn hard to prove that you aren’t mentally unstable, especially when bullies attack you from every direction and wear you down.

The natural human response is to react and defend yourself when attacked, and it can very easily be mistaken for mental illness.

It happens when people walk in on you as you’re telling your bully where to stick it. Many times they only catch the tail end of the confrontation. Then they draw the wrong conclusions. Understand that this is what your bullies are counting on!!! Often, they set you up to look like you’ve completely “lost it” to any witnesses who happen to walk by.

Bullies do this all the time to discredit their targets and cover their behinds when they know they’re wrong! If the bully can make you look loony, then who’s going to believe you when you report the harassment? And who’ll take you seriously the next time you let the bully have it?

They’ll only sigh and think, “Uh-oh! There she goes again! She’s having another mental episode! That girl has gone completely batsh**!”

Don’t fall for it! Stand up to them! Look them in the eye, and you tell them,

“You’re wrong, and you know you’re wrong! I’m not going to debate this any further with you!”

Then walk away and leave the bully standing there slack-jawed. If the bully follows you and asks, “What’s your problem?” don’t explain it to them. They’re not five years old, they already know, and you don’t owe them any more than what’s necessary. Say as little as possible.

Tell them, “You know what my problem is!”

The bully may continue to follow you and ask, “What did I do to you?”

You say, “You know what you did! Now get bent!”

bullied singled out surrounded

Don’t beat around the bush. Get to the point and say it like you mean it. Be firm but don’t yell (yelling makes you look like a basket case). The bully may not change their ways and their attitude toward you. But I promise! You’ll feel so much better about yourself knowing that you put your foot down and looked less “unstable” to any bystanders!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Never Ask a Bully, “Why?”

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Many targets who are bullied will ask their bullies why.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Why me?”

“What did I ever do to you?”

Realize that these questions are pointless because, by asking these types of questions, the target is only reinforcing their role as victim and that’s not good. Also, a bully will never answer those questions and it’s because they can’t answer them. Even if they could answer them, they’d either never tell you, or they wouldn’t tell you the correct answer.

Remember that part of the bully’s power is to keep you guessing and asking these questions- to keep you confused and in the dark. And believe me, their silence on it speaks just as loudly as their words.

Again, bullies love to keep you guessing and trying to wrack your brain. That alone is power in and of itself. If bullies can keep you wondering, they can continue the behavior and they can do it without you catching on to the reality that they are really the ones with the problem and not you.

It’s best to look up articles and books on bullying to get the answers to your questions. I promise that you’ll get much better answers from these sources than you ever will from your bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

What Do You Do When the Teacher Is the Target?

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bullying in class room school between friends young female standing crying sadness pressure by classmates

I’ve written about the few teachers who bully students. But what about the teachers- good teachers, the best and the brightest, who get bullied?

Teaching is not only a thankless but also dangerous job in times like these. In my opinion, teachers should get hazard pay, maybe even combat pay! With the school climate what it is today, teachers risk being harmed, maimed, also murdered, and many don’t make it to retirement.

I’ve seen many teachers quit and opt for second careers because of the many issues in schools and communities. I can’t say I blame them. Teachers get paid a pittance for what they must put up with and they don’t get the support from parents, principals, and higher school officials they did decades ago.

blame victim

And teacher’s unions are a complete joke! They don’t care about the kids much less the teachers. In my opinion, teacher’s unions are a big money racket and political activist group! I wouldn’t be a teacher if someone offered me triple the salary!

Along with crappy pay, teachers are held responsible for the poor performance and failing grades of their students. And let’s be real here. Many kids are lazy, and many parents are too busy being the child’s BFF rather than being a parent and making their children hit the books. So why is this the teacher’s fault?

Teachers also have a truckload of homework themselves, often having to grade test papers and assignments at home on their own time. And if parents can’t buy the necessary school supplies for their children to bring to class, teachers end up having to dig into their own pockets to provide for these kids. Couple that with the shoddy pay, and these teachers get a pretty raw deal.

Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

Many teachers also get bullied, not only by their fellow teachers and staff but by students and their parents as well. And when it’s the child who bullies the teacher, how’s that teacher supposed to handle it effectively if he/she doesn’t have support from the principal, the school district, and parents?

A lot of kids are disrespectful and unruly these days. Many of today’s parents have an overinflated sense of their own entitlement, so it makes sense that they would raise kids with the same pathetic attitude.

Lots of times, the parents of these kids will overlook the behavior at school and, yes- even encourage it because they feel that their child is “entitled” and that the teacher transgressed against their kid by disciplining him.

Also, schools and their districts often encourage teachers to give the kid a passing grade even if the student doesn’t earn it, all in an attempt to keep the school’s performance ratings up and the government off their backs. If the teacher happens to be an honest person and doesn’t comply, she’s fired.

I’ve both heard and read of instances when the teacher disciplined a student for disruptive behavior. The teacher only made the child leave the classroom and stand in the hall or sent the kid to the principal’s office, and an angry and hostile parent confronted him/her later.

And when a student failed a test, the teacher gave the kid a bad grade, only to have an enraged parent storm into their classroom the next day, demanding to know why. Some parents go so far as to threaten physical harm!

Understand that kids aren’t stupid, especially kids who bully. These kids are often socially intelligent beyond their years, and they pick up on these things- things that other kids their age often miss. These children know that these days, teachers can’t do much about their bad behavior, and they take full advantage of it. It’s just what kids do.

Pushing boundaries to see what you can get away with is only a part of being a kid. Kids do either what their parents allow or aren’t aware of, and they imitate what they see at home and what they see peers do. And teachers don’t get near the support they should. Is it any wonder there’s a mass shortage of teachers in this country?

It takes a special kind of person to be a teacher in today’s world. If you’re one of those brave, caring, and awesome people, know you have my utmost respect.

Know that the hard work and sacrifices you make haven’t gone unnoticed. You are one in a million and though you may not know it, I and so many others salute you!

Ways Bullies Deceive- Exaggerations, and Distortions

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They’re the kinds of deception bullies love to practice. Bullies understand, perhaps more than anyone else, that a pure lie isn’t likely to be believed and would only discredit them. However, if they tell a half-truth, which is a lie that contains even a tiny grain of truth, people will more than likely believe it.

Exaggerations and distortions are perfect for bullies because there’s always a degree of truth to them. For example, a bully will provoke a target and keep provoking him/her until the target gets fed up and, in a low but angry growl, tells the bully to buzz off. The bully will then tell everyone else about the altercation, making sure to blow it up, and make it bigger than it was.

She tells others the target started the confrontation. She exaggerates what happened by telling others that the target screamed and cursed her out, being sure to leave out the part where she kept provoking the target and didn’t stop until the target get tired of her crap and told her to buzz off.

Also, instead of telling the truth, that the target told her to buzz off. The bully may distort it by saying that the target told her to f*** off instead.

Here’s another example. A bully supervisor tells a targeted employee to do a task. The targeted employee hasn’t yet completed the first task and he must complete it in the next thirty minutes to meet the deadline. The target tells the bully boss that he’ll get started on his request as soon as he’s finished his current task.

The bully boss goes back and distorts everything, He exaggerates the target’s response by telling management that the target refused to do the task and is being insubordinate, leaving out that the target told him that he would fulfill his request as soon as he got done with the task at hand. Management reprimands the target and gives him a write-up for insubordination, not knowing the whole story.

The two above scenarios are examples of exaggerations and distortions.

I’ll even give you a real-life example: Just after I wrote and published my memoir, “From Victim to Victor,” a former classmate bought it and read it. When she came to the part where two bullies, who happened to be her friends, died in a tragic car accident and I expressed in the book that, at the time, I didn’t care that the girls were dead and that they were two less bullies I’d have to deal with, she got angry and took it out of context.

I’ll be honest. Yes, at the time it happened, which was thirty plus years ago, I did feel that way- I didn’t care that they were dead and that I felt a sense of relief. And yes, the 17-year-old me considered their deaths to be a good dose of karma for the way they and the rest of the classmates had treated me and several others. And yes, a part of that bullied teenager, who was me, was even glad the two girls were gone.

However, that was how I felt back then and not how I feel today. Nevertheless, she sounded off to the other classmates, distorting it and making it sound like I still felt that way today, and exaggerated it saying that I celebrated the girls’ deaths today, which was false. Then she told them not to read the book.

The real reason she told them not to read it is because she was afraid that they’d figure out that it was all past tense and that today, I am saddened that they died so young. Feelings do change over time. Since then, I’ve lost a few close family members and the deaths of loved ones have a way of quickly changing your perspective.

It’s important that you know how to name lies like this because when you can put a name on them, you can better describe it and you can better communicate what the bullies are doing and how they do it without sounding like you’re rambling.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Ways Bullying Sharpens Your BS Detector

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If you were ever a victim of bullying, it more than likely did the same for you. This is not to say that abuse of any form is a good thing because no one should ever be bullied. Ever! However, though painful and humiliating when it was happening, a bullied past has had its positive takeaways, one of which is my fine-tuned ability to smell bulls*** from a mile away.

Judging from my own experience and having heard stories of others who have endured the same, being a target of bullies has a way of giving you an almost psychic ability to see through people and detect true motives and intentions.


It allowed me to observe a large group of people, then spot and pick out the fakes and troublemakers at lightning speed and with accuracy. I don’t have to speak a word to anyone, only stand back and watch.

Just as a person who loses his sight experiences a much keener sense of hearing, a victim of bullying quickly grows the ability to read people like newspapers. Why? Out of sheer necessity. Many survivors can read body language like an FBI agent, deciphering the tiniest of micro-expressions. In fact, one can even pick up on the vibes others put out…especially negative ones.

When any certain skill is mandatory for your survival, nature gives you no choice but to quickly hon that skill and use it to near perfection.

I consider this sixth sense to be a gift. However, this gift came at a heavy price.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

One Way to Trick Your Bullies into Leaving You Alone

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Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes, or at least make it look like you’re surrendering to them. In life, there are times when we should pick and choose our battles- to decide whether to fight back or leave well enough alone. It is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll only enrage the bullies and throw them off-kilter because they were looking for a fight and so sure they’d get one but didn’t.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you surrender (or make it look as if you do), you give yourself time to recuperate and time to torture and irritate your bullies subtly. You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. Maybe you can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

You don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency- to fool them into thinking they’ve won. Understand that bullies are continually trying to show dominance and superiority, and if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them (for the time being) makes them feel satisfied and powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove or indirect ridicule.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction, and they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying Only Diminishes the Target’s Ability to Trust Him/Herself

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Why? Because the target’s judgement, decisions, and feelings are constantly attacked, negated, and condemned by others. When a target is bullied, they’re taught that, although the abuse they suffer is painful, they either shouldn’t feel, or they have no right to feel that pain because they’re to blame for the abuse they suffer.

Targets are conditioned by bullies, bystanders, even people in authority, friends, and family to just suck it up and negate their own painful feelings. In that, they’re trained either not to understand or to deny their own suffering and that bullies and others are abusing them.

Targets are trained to believe that other people’s vile behavior is their fault and that something is wrong with them, otherwise the bullying wouldn’t be happening to them. Targets are also snookered that everything that goes wrong is because of them. In short, they’re taught that the abuse they’re getting is somehow justified.

As a result, targets often withdraw because they become afraid that they’ll only attract bullies and bullying behavior from the people around them. As a result, targets are left feeling confused and inadequate.

Targets are made to think that:

They take things wrong.

They’re too sensitive.

They asked for it or had it coming.

There’s something wrong with the way they are.

There’s something wrong with the way they express themselves.

There’s something wrong with the way they come across to people.

Therefore, targets stop believing in themselves. Even worse, they lose trust in themselves, their abilities, and their capabilities. And once this happens, they become perfect victims for bullies.

Understand that targets suffer many attacks to not only their physical body, but also their psyche and their emotional being.

Even worse, their very souls are tired, their spirits broken, and they don’t understand their own pain nor why they feel it inside.

Being a target of bullying is a hell that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly comprehend. When you’re bullied, you’re in the fight of your life, and for your life. And when I say fight for your life, this doesn’t only mean fighting to stay alive, although it can.

“The fight for your life” can mean fighting for your self- esteem. It can mean fighting for your personal power and dignity. It can mean fighting to keep your confidence up and self-esteem from being broken so that the abuse doesn’t affect your grades, performance (at school or work), or worse, your ability to make smart decisions and life-choices. You’re fighting to keep the abuse from effecting your entire future. Most importantly, you’re fighting to maintain your health and your sanity.

Because you’re very much aware that if you allow these people to cause you to lose any of the above, then you unwittingly give them power over your entire life and every aspect of it. You may not end up dead, but you won’t really live, you’ll only exist. And that’s no way to live!

No matter what happens, stay strong. Hold on to everything mentioned above, or as much of it as possible. And most of all, know that none of the bullying you suffer has anything to do with you and that there are people out there who care. Keep the faith, keep believing in yourself, and stand strong!

With knowledge comes empowerment!