how does bullying affect the victims friendships in school

How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

2 Comments

How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships? It’s a question that needs answering in great detail.

how does bullying affect the victims friendships

Bullying not only impacts the victim’s health, but also their friendships and social life.

In this post, you will have the exact answers to the question, “How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?” Moreover, we will go over all the impacts in detail, discussing the hows and why’s of it.

Once you learn these social ramifications, you will be more motivated to help your bullied loved one. Or, if you’re the victim, you will be compelled to take powerful steps to protect yourself.

This post gives all the answers to the burning question, “How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?” Moreover, we discuss how you can reverse the social damages bullying causes you if you’re a victim.

How does bullying affect the victim’s relationships?

1. Your Friends May Endure Social Pressure

They may be afraid that your bullies may bully them too.

Your friends may endure social pressure to turn on you. Understand that bullies go after your friends to make them afraid of being seen with you. Why? Because your bullies’ intentions is to isolate you from everyone else.

No one wants to be bullied, and that includes your friends. Therefore, when your bullies bully them too, you then become a liability to them. And once they see you as the cause to their social suffering and a threat to their social position, it’s not a question of if but when they turn on you.

“But what would the bullies have to gain by isolating me?” You may ask.

By isolating you, they make  you more vulnerable to their abuse. ‘You see? Having friends means having support. In other words, friends are a line of defense and bullies know this.

Therefore, they manipulate your friends to turn them against you to strip you of any support (or defenses) you may have.

They do this because, without friends to support and defend you, your bullies can bully you freely and without fear of anyone retaliating or holding them accountable.

In other words, when there isn’t the possibility of anyone helping you, bullies have full and complete carte blanche to attack you anytime they feel like it.

2. How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?

Your Friends May be Tempted by the Prospect of Social Status.

It’s human nature to want social status. We all want it. However, decent people know that it isn’t the end all be all.

With that said, your friends may decide that they want to climb the social ladder more than they want to continue associating with you. Therefore, they cease contact with you.

But, realize that these people never were your friends. If they were, they never wouldn’t dropped you in the first place.

You don’t lose friends, you lose frauds.

3. Your Friends Allow Your Bullies to Use Them to Get Information on You.

First, let me say this. If your friends allow your bullies to use them to get personal information and deep secrets about you and your life, then they aren’t friends at all. What they are, is a bunch of two-faced sellouts!

Additionally, these types of individuals are than enemies because, with enemies, you know exactly where you stand. Therefore, you know it’s best to keep your distance from them. In other words, you know to keep these people out of your life.

Not so with traitors. A traitor will be sneaky, and they’ll make it a point to stick close to you so that they can continue to get juicy information about your life, with which to report back to your bullies.

So, what are ways bullies use your so-called friends to bait you?

1. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

Your Bullies Have Your Friends ask you personal questions. 

Your (fake)friends won’t seem nosy when they ask you. They’ll come under the pretense of deep concern for your well-being. They’ll have you fooled, thinking they really care about you when they’re only trying to gather your private details.

2. They have them stick extra close to you.

Your so-called friends will watch you closely and scrutinize everything you say and do. Also, they’ll try to find out who you associate with besides them.

These people will want to know who your family members are, where you live, everything. Therefore, beware when they seem to latch onto you like a tick to a dog.

3. They have them go through your belongings when you aren’t around.

Oh, yes! Your fake friends will go through your purse. Moreover, they’ll go through your notebook to see what you’re writing in it, and they’ll snoop through your email.

For example, two of your friends are visiting you at home. You’re all sitting in your living room and having coffee. You suddenly have to go to the bathroom and you excuse yourself, telling them you’ll be right back.

Then, one of them gets up and noses through your mail while the other keeps an eye out for you.

Another example would be that they may even swing by the night before trash pick-up day and grab your trash after you set it out by the curb. They will then take it somewhere safe and snoop through it.

4. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

Your bullies have your friends hawk your social media profiles and pages.

Sadly, many people post things on social media they really shouldn’t. Or they post things that are too easily taken out of context.

For example, in the early days of Facebook, I’ll admit that I posted a complaint from time to time. These were posts about bad service, idiot drivers, and ignorant people (without name-dropping, of course).

Although I didn’t post anything personal, it still wasn’t good policy. Understand that these are posts that can very easily be taken out of context, so it’s probably better to keep any complaints private.

Why are your Friends the first people bullies approach?

It’s no secret that many bullies are brazen. Therefore, they’ll have the audacity to go to your friends to get secrets about you because they don’t fear that your friends will tell them to piss off.

And in most cases they won’t.

It’s especially painful when those you thought were friends suddenly go turncoat. In other words, it’s not the bullies who hurt you the most. It’s the betrayal from friends and the silence of bystanders.

Therefore, understand that during a smear campaign, your friends will be at the top of your bullies’ list of people they wish to win over to their side.

Here’s why.

1. How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?

Bullies know that if they can get the people you care about and trust the most to turn against you, they’ll be able to strike a devastating blow!

Again, having bullies, total strangers and people you don’t care much about turn against you is painful.. However, it’s much easier to take than if it’s someone you care about.

Nothing hurts worse than having the people you love most and think highly of turn against you.

2. By persuading your most cherished friends to turn against you, your bullies take away much needed social support.

In other words, if they can isolate you from your friends, bullies know that they can make you more vulnerable. Moreover, they know that you’re likely to become stressed and your performance and activities will take a hit.

This will make it much easier for them to bully you.

3. Your friends Likely know the most intimate details about you and your life.

Bullies know that if they can get your friends to turn against you, then they will have complete access to the most private knowledge about you.

In other words, your friends will most likely know about your deepest, darkest secrets and weaknesses.

Moreover, they may also be privy to about any future plans you’re making. and anything you may have said about the bullies.

Bullies can easily exploit, even weaponize these kinds of information.

4. How Does Bullying Affect The Victim’s Friendships.

there’s a strong chance that if Friends turn against you, bystanders will too.

People will figure that if your own friends turn against you, then damn! You must really have it coming! You must have done something pretty lowdown and dirty!

They may wonder if you slept with your best friend’s boyfriend or spouse. Maybe you stole from a friend. Maybe you emotionally abused their child.

When others see that your own friends have turned against you, all these above possible reasons immediately come to mind. That’s the worst thing about being hung out to dry.

5. associating with you may cause your friends’ positions on the social scene to weaken. Therefore, they put themselves at risk of becoming the next target.

Why, because people consider those who are bullied as unattractive and therefore, go out of their way to avoid forming friendships with them.

So, if your own friends turn against you, why would anyone else be fool enough to have anything to do with you?

Here’s what you should do:

Whatever you do, don’t be nice about it!

If nothing else, realize this. Anyone who claims to be a friend and stabs you in the back has no place in your life. Moreover, if you find out they’ve betrayed you, it’s time to ditch and switch to new friends.

Also, it’s best to make friends outside the bullying environment. Then you can show these new friends the awesome you that you can’t show in the environment you’re bullied in.

When you drop these people, you might be friendless for a while. However, think about this.

Did you have any friends in the first place while your fake friends were betraying you? Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to deal with fakers who only pretend to be for you when they’re really siding with the enemy?

Therefore, ditch your fake friends, then wait for better people to find you. I promise you that they will eventually.

This post provided all the answers to the question, “How does Bullying affect the victim’s friendships” so that you’ll know what to expect out of many of your friends when bullies bully you and what you can do to retake your self-respect.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

bullies and jealousy

Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

3 Comments

‘Want to know about jealousy and bullying so that you can feel better about yourself and get a boost of confidence? Here are the proven signs of jealousy in bullies coming from someone who’s experienced it firsthand.

jealousy and bullying

Bullying adds undue stress in your every day life. Even worse is what it can do to your self-esteem and confidence. However, what if I told you that there’s a link between jealousy and bullying?

In this post, you will learn the signs that your bullies are bullying you because they are jealous of something (and it could be anything) you have that they don’t.

Once you learn these indicators, you will be able to keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. Moreover, you will be more resistant to your bullies’ attacks by knowing their harassment only comes from deep-seated feelings of inferiority.

This post is all about the connection between jealousy and bullying and the tell-tale signs that every victim of bullying must know.

Jealousy and Bullying

Bullying is usually unprovoked. Therefore, it’s a save bet that the majority of bullying, in fact, comes from jealousy.

So, what are the signs that your bullies are bullying you out of jealousy?

1. They undermine your confidence.

They do this by constantly tearing you down either to your face or behind your back.

Those who tear you down to your face want to plant seeds of self-doubt in your mind. In other words, they want to wreck your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, don’t let them. Feel free to come back with a witty burn. Or, you can just let the bullies’ petty insults roll down your back. However you choose to counter their childish attacks, don’t believe their lies for a minute!

People who back bite you are secretly jealous of you. These bullies will insult you and criticize you behind your back.

However, they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.

So, you shouldn’t take these people seriously because they’re not only jealous of you. They’re great big cowards!

With that said, here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned. These reasons alone should give your confidence a huge boost!

a. You make them feel powerless

b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.

c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t call them out on it and they can say what they want.

d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.

2. Jealousy and bullying: Jealous Bullies will trivialize your successes and accomplishments.

Bullies who are jealous of you will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is that they only wish they’d done it themselves.

Put simpler, bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

Therefore, feel good about it when they make these kinds of statements. Because it means that they subconsciously feel that you’re superior to them and they’re only trying to bring you down to their level.

Stay above it!

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations.

This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways.

You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

However, jealous bullies provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. Bullies who are jealous will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong.

And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill and never let it go!

 The point is that jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

4. Jealousy and Bullying: Bullies who are jealous harbor Blind hatred.

Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. However,  if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much?

Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like and admire you? Therefore, they may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.

5. They copy you.

They may copy your image by dressing like you. Also, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs.

Moreover, they may imitate you.

Therefore, feel good about that because anyone who copies you wants to be like you.

6. They will make up competition.

Again. Understand that jealous bullies do that because they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at.

And they won’t stop until they beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do, just clap and be happy for them.

In other words, let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.

Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help!

However, they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.

Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is that they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!

7. Jealousy and Bullying: Bullies who are jealous of you will try to steal your spotlight.

This is especially true of those who have narcissistic personality disorder. These bullies have to be at the top of the game in everything. Also, they must be the center of attention- all the time.

Therefore, anyone who outshines them in any way is fair game for attack. If you have any talents, anything at all you’re good at, or in which you’re super successful, these bullies will never stop coming after you.

Moreover, they’ll often accuse you behind your back (and sometimes to your face) of the following:

1. “She’s just showing off.”
2. “Oh, she’s just trying to get attention.”
3. “He just loves to flaunt his (money, material possessions, masculinity, etc.)”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “He’s a wuss, wimp, etc.”
6. “You’re arrogant, full of yourself, pompous, stuck up, etc.”

But again, know where it all comes from and you will rise above the pettiness and your confidence will continue to soar!

A few additional but important points to remember:

These bullies will often accuse you of the same things they are guilty of themselves.

Also by continuing to display your talents, win awards, garner favor with others, and charm those in authority, you unwillingly offend the bullies’ excessive vanity.

In other words, you instill an imbalance of their sense of self and make them doubt their superiority by poking holes in their importance.

Jealousy and bullying: Which Bullies are more likely to be jealous of you?

Bullies who are jealous are most likely to be at the top of the pecking order. These are the popular kids at school or the high executives in the workplace.

So, understand that people such as these can’t accept being outdone in anything by anyone. And if they’re outshone by anyone they deem as inferior, which is you, all the worse!

Then, they’ll stop at nothing to put you back in your place.

Understand that they don’t care about your talents, your natural gifts, your successes, or smarts. If anything, they despise them. Jealous bullies hate any threat to their superiority.

Bullies Despise Success in Anyone They Deem Inferior

Additionally, these bullies will have followers who will kiss up to them and many others who are afraid of them. You’ll know these bullies right away when you meet them. Moreover, you’ll be able to pick them out of a huge crowd.

They’ll be the loud, obnoxious, and arrogant people in the room. Also, these bullies will be in a clique and will have attitudes of self-entitlement.

Moreover, they’ll expect perks and favors and, more than likely, get them. Anyone outside of their group, they will treat like dirt under their shoes.

Although talk is cheap and what they say behind your back is just a bunch of hot air, be careful these bullies don’t try to do something harmful to you.

Jealousy and Bullying: What to do and not to do If you attract hatred from these bullies:

1. Never reveal your plans and goals.
2. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.
3. Display your talents, yes. But don’t brag about them.
4. Don’t lower yourself for anyone, but don’t be too flashy with any intelligence, especially in the workplace.
5. Politely thank those who compliment you. Nothing more.
6. Humble yourself, yes. But you don’t have to undermine yourself to satisfy these brutes. Quiet confidence is key here.

Do these things, and you’re less likely to have a target on your back!

this post was all about jealousy and bullying so that you can use it to buffer your confidence and self-esteem when people bully you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

bully teacher

Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

6 Comments

Unfortunately, bullying by teachers is not uncommon. ‘Want to know the 15 signs your teacher is bullying you? These are the proven and time-tested signs that I’ve personally experienced.

bullying by teachers

It’s one thing when other students bully you. However, it’s another when the people harassing you are teachers. Being bullied by a teacher can be devastating because the bullying teacher holds a lot of power over you. So, how do you know if a teacher is bullying you and what can you do about it?

In this post, you will learn the surefire signs of bullying by teachers and the steps you can take to protect yourself.

Once you learn these tell-tale indicators, not only will you know what to do in your particular situation, but you’ll gather the courage to do what you must do to protect yourself and your future.

This post is all about bullying by teachers, the signs to look for, and what you can do to defend yourself and secure your future.

Bullying by teachers

Sadly, teachers who bully students are more common than we think. Although most schoolteachers are altruistic souls who love kids and want to help them, there are also plenty of bad apples in the teaching profession.

Many teachers and school staff often stick targets of mobbing and bullying with labels. They brand them with labels, such as, “trouble,” “difficult,” or “problem child.”

Consequently, this sets a dangerous precedent because it sets the targeted child up to be discriminated against by their school.  Moreover, it encourages other classmates to bully the targeted kid worse.

Therefore, when adults become prejudiced against a child, it creates a very hostile and dangerous environment.

Why? Because victims aren’t afforded the same due process that their classmates enjoy. As a result, the school staff only empower the bullies. Even worse, they end up supporting the bullies, even encouraging them to bully that child.

And because the child’s brain is still developing, they may not know how to handle such abuse.

What happens when targets act out due to prolonged bullying and resulting stress?

Let’s face it, no one can withstand the intense pressure of bullying and mobbing for long. A person can only be pushed so far. If you kick a dog long enough, you’ll get bit eventually.

When a target is bullied and mobbed by their classmates, they are forced to submit to horrendous and downright grotesque abuse.  Then, when teachers join in, it compounds an already horrific situation,.

However, this kind of bullying is unfathomable to most adults. The message targets receive from others is just to “shut up and take it.”

In fact, when you’re a target of school bullying and mobbing, your world becomes quite Kafkaesque. Moreover, even you have a hard time believing what you’re experiencing. So, is it any wonder that no one else can believe it either?

The questions, “What the hell?” and “Is this really happening?” come to mind.  You feel as if you’ve stepped into the twilight zone.

This is because being mobbed is the feeling of being crushed by nonsensical, bizarre, and blind abuse.

Just imagine what this does to a child or teenager.

Bullying by teachers: the targeted child is powerless to understand or control what is happening.

The target suffers mistreatment, isolation, exclusion, and yes- even brutal physical beatings.

Therefore, the bullied child will be too afraid to plead for help because he knows that the school staff will ignore his cries. And what’s more frightening is that his bullies will take retribution on him for daring to open his mouth.

Eventually the target snaps and acts inappropriately due to long-lasting and extreme stress because the bullying and abuse she suffers has only fallen on deaf ears.

The bullies assaults against the target will continue to be overlooked. However, the target’s reactions to it won’t be ignored. Therefore, the target becomes re-victimized by the very adults, school, and system which are supposed to protect her.

Here’s an example:

A girl is bullied by everyone in her class. The teacher either doesn’t see it or thinks the girl deserves it.

Also, maybe, the teacher thinks that bullying is only a right of passage that builds character. During one occasion, the bully sitting behind the targeted girl pulls her hair.

As a result, the target gets fed up with the bullies’ attacks. Unable to tolerate any more abuse, she turns around and punches the bully who pulled her hair.

Now the teacher, very conveniently, doesn’t see the other girl pull the target’s hair. However, she does see the target turn around and punch the bully in the nose. Therefore, the teacher punishes the target without even considering what the other classmate did to prompt her to punch her.

Consequently, the message the teacher sends is crystal clear. The victim has no recourse, and the bully has carte blanche to continue bullying her in the future.

And so, it goes. The same scenario repeats itself a few times. And, the next thing you know, it is the victim the school staff paints with a bad brush.  Afterwards, everyone becomes labels her a riffraff.

The principal then, from time to time, catches the victim in the hall between classes. He tells her, aloud, in front of the other students, that she’d better watch her step because he has his eye on her.

As fate would have it, the other kids, especially the bullies, overhear the principal and see it as the green light they’ve been looking for. Therefore, they become even more emboldened to continue their abuse because they know the school authorities will only blame her and give them a pass.

Bullying by teachers: The bullying gets worse because, after all, if the victim complains, who’s going to listen to them? They’re the “problem child.”

Therefore, the school staff continue to harangue the target, making her situation much worse than what it needs to be. And their justification for their treatment of the victim is to protect the other students who fit into what is “normal” and obey the rules.

Conveniently, they continue use this excuse to defend their emotional abuse of the victim. Thus, they get to single her out for humiliation in front of God and everyone anytime they feel like it.

Understand that, when this occurs, the school is willingly participating in destroying another human being.

Therefore, if you’re one of these targeted students, it’s imperative that you hold on to your sense of self. Hold on to your pride, confidence, and self-belief with everything you have.

It’s also crucial that all you parents and grandparents teach these children how. You must teach your bullied kids to believe in themselves even when it seems that no one else believes in them. You must teach them to know their worth even when it seems that others don’t.

Moreover, you must teach your kids to love and respect themselves even as others hate and disrespect them. Why? Because it is during the most difficult times that they’re need these virtues the most.

With that said, here are the signs of bullying by teachers:

1. The teacher harshly punishes you for things everyone else in the class gets away with.

If ever you notice that your teacher yells at or punishes you for things other classmates get away with, it’s a sure sign they’re singling you out.

Realize that anytime teachers bully students, they seem to actively look for the tiniest of infractions to use against these students.

Therefore, watch for the next time another student does the thing the teacher reprimanded you for. And once you see it, call it out to the teacher by asking, “Didn’t he just do the same thing you got onto me for? And he gets a pass.”

That’s right. We must have the courage to call these things out because it’s the only way to change it.

Another thing you can do is to document it all in detail. Sometimes, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. This means keeping your own records of every bullying incident.

Therefore, write it down in a daily journal and be sure to use the 5W method. When you use the 5W method, you write down the What, Who, When, Where, and Why. And if possible, How.

In other words, you must record What happened and Who was involved and the names of any witnesses. Also, record When the incident occurred by writing down the exact date and time of incident.

Additionally, you must record Where it happened and Why it happened. For instance, did it happen in third period class. And was it because you previously reported the teacher for bullying you earlier that week?

Documentation is of the utmost importance when a person in power bullies you.

2. Bullying by teachers: The teacher allows bullies in class to bully you.

Anytime the teacher watches others bullying you and fails to address it, it’s called dereliction of duty. Or, you can call it neglect.

Whatever you call it, the teacher is clearly not doing their job and you should make note of it. Therefore, again, document this incident using the 5W method.

3. The teacher tries to humiliate you in class.

Again, here’s where documentation is useful. If nothing else, understand this.

Anytime a teacher or anyone in authority bullies you, it’s no time to be lazy. You must be proactive and how you do it is to keep a written record.

4. The teacher tells you that you’ll never amount to anything.

Therefore, document that! And most importantly, don’t you believe it for a second. See this remark for what it is and what it’s designed to do.

This teacher is trying to tear down your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself. Moreover, the bully teacher is trying to plant seeds in your mind in hopes that you’ll believe it and live up to it.

But, don’t you dare! Hang on to your confidence and know that this teacher is lying to you!

5. Bullying by teachers: Deliberately ignoring you or chewing you out when you have a question or need help with an assignment.

Again, document this. Also realize that the reason this teacher doesn’t want to answer your question is because she wants you to fail.

Therefore, find a friend or another adult who can answer your question. Or find a tutor to help you.

6. Calling or Labeling you “a student of low intelligence.”

Maybe the teacher tells you that you’re d*mb or that you’re st*pid. Maybe he calls you those names behind your back. Whatever the case, this teacher does this to make you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, don’t internalize this. Instead, see the evil intentions behind it and document it.

7. Yelling and screaming at you.

This is the bullying teacher’s way to intimidate you, silence you, or humiliate you in front of the class. Again, you must document this.

Another thing that bears mentioning is that, depending on the laws of your jurisdiction, you can wear a hidden camera and record these things. Just make sure you live in a state or jurisdiction that doesn’t require a two-party consent to record.

8. Bullying by teachers: Putting your parents or siblings down and making negative remarks about your home life.

This is also abuse. Therefore, document it in detail or record it if the laws in your area allow.

9. Publicly announcing a bad grade you may have made.

This is designed to humiliate you in front of an audience and cause you embarrassment. Again, document and, if you can, record!

10. Labeling you “a failure.”

Again, when a teacher tells you that you’re a failure, he wants to convince you of it to increase your chances of living up to it. Therefore, know that just because someone says something, it doesn’t make it true.

Always remember that, and document their bullying.

11. Defaming you to other teachers and students.

The purpose of defamation is to turn others against you. Moreover, it’s a way to block you from making friends and being successful with potential partners.

Also, people use it to block you from opportunities, be they business, educational, career, or employment.

And lastly, people defame you to cut you off from any kind of help or support. Therefore, document everything- every instance of bullying, harassment, and defamation, no matter how slight.

By writing it down, you record it. In that, you establish a pattern of abuse and, therefore, evidence that is admissible in court!

12. Bullying by Teachers: encouraging the other classmates to bully you.

Bully teachers do this to inflict psychological pain and to turn others against you. You must understand that there are some pretty sadistic teachers out there. In other words, these teachers secretly enjoy making their target students suffer.

Moreover, they do it to isolate you and to convince you that you’re completely alone.

Therefore, document it and save it as evidence for a future lawsuit!

13. Putting you down for your beliefs, values, and convictions.

Nowadays, most people don’t like to agree to disagree like they did in the old days. Today, people seem to tolerate differences less and less.

Moreover, those differences include beliefs, values, convictions, and opinion.

Therefore, understand that you have a right to your own opinions and you’re NOT WRONG if your beliefs and values differ from anyone else’s.

I will repeat this a thousand times if I have to: document the bullying either on paper or by recording. Just know the laws in your area before using a recording device.

14. Bullying By Teachers: Giving you lower grades than what you deserve.

Bullying teachers do this to set you up for failure and to make you look bad.

This should be illegal. However, it’s not unheard of for bully teachers to give students they don’t like lower grades than the other classmates. And this happens regardless of whether the bad grade is warranted.

If you suspect that a teacher has committed this dishonest act against you, have another teacher you know and trust look over the assignment in which the bad grade was given.

If you and the good teacher find evidence that you’ve been given an undeserved bad grade, take pictures of the poorly graded paper and the checked correct answers. Then, document it.

15. Making excessively negative and brutal remarks on your papers, conduct reports, or report cards.

Again, this sets you up for failure and marks you as a bad student. Therefore, if you find these things on your progress and conduct reports, papers, and report cards, take pictures of it all with your phone. Then, document!

This post was all about the signs of bullying by teachers so that you can take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and your future.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Noteable Tactics Gaslighters Use

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

hope

Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

19 Comments

‘Want to know the benefits of positive thinking so that you can create a positive mind and reap those advantages?

benefits of positive thinking

When you have people in your life who bully and abuse you, it can be difficult to think positive. However, if you knew the benefits of positive thinking even during unpleasant circumstances, you would probably be more willing to put in the extra work to create a positive mind.

In this post, you will learn all the benefits of positive thinking and how it will change your life.

Once you learn these seemingly unfair advantages, you will be more compelled to think positive even if you don’t feel like it. As a result, you’ll begin to attract better things into your life. Even better, you’ll be amazed at how it will better your world!

This post is all about the benefits of positive thinking so that you can attract better things to you and be happier and healthier!

Benefits of positive thinking

Before we go directly to the benefits, let’s discuss how all this works.

I’ve always heard people make the statement, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

The problem with this is that our attitudes shape our perspectives and perspectives shape what we see. In other words, our perspectives can blind us to a lot of stuff, even to what’s right in front of our faces.

Why? Because, if you have the mindset that you’ll believe it when you see it, the chances are that you never will see it.

This is the reason many targets are bullied. It’s the reason why innocent people are convicted of crimes they didn’t commit. It’s also the reason why many bullies and criminals are promoted to high positions. Because, to a degree, it’s all about our attitudes!

However, know that this doesn’t mean that what happens to you is your fault. Because, it isn’t! I repeat! You’re not to blame for what happens to you!

Most people often base their judgments of others on our attitudes towards them. Moreover, people assess others by what they’ve heard about them, or whether they like them.

Many times, people judge others too harshly because they can’t see past our dislike or hatred of them. Understand that this is how bullies are made and it’s a dark part of human nature!

The Drawbacks of Negative Thinking

Sadly, we also do this with our own lives as well. If we’ve had a string of adversity throughout our lives, we usually come to expect more of the same. Consequently, we end up getting just that! We get more of the same!

Moreover, we come to see ourselves as unlucky, undesirable, unlovable, and incapable of success. As a result of our thinking, we get more and more adversity because our attitudes and perspectives about our lives will blind us to opportunities.

Also, what is more shocking is opportunities we end up missing are, more than likely, right in front of us. These are opportunities that others may see and seize.

Then, we’ve missed out once again and thus, the cycle only continues.

Therefore, our thought patterns have ways of shaping and influencing our lives. Moreover, the ways that we think shape the things that happen in our lives, and where life takes us. And yes, our outlook even attracts people and events.

The benefits of positive thinking and why you should change the way you think

This is why we must do the inner work to change our thought patterns. We must check our attitudes and work to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

The only way you will have a positive life is to have a positive attitude, then a positive perspective, which can only develop by having positive thoughts.

I know it’s hard to do when it seems that adversity is coming at you from every possible direction. Believe me, I understand because I’ve been there.

In fact, it won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But I promise you this. If you start now by catching each negative thought and replacing it with a thought that’s positive, you’ll be surprised at how much better your life will get!

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Oooooh! But “What if it does?”

It worked for me and it’ll work for you too!

Therefore, change your mindset.

You are what you think.

You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” So, it goes with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

Targets of bullying can start off as confident and outgoing people. However, after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure, afraid, and withdrawn.

Sometimes, they can turn against themselves. They began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life. Moreover, they stop believing in their own good qualities.

Sadly, they no longer think they’ll ever be loved, ever be accepted, or ever be successful and that nothing will ever go right for them.

Then soon, things begin to happen that matches their thoughts and feelings. These poor people, began to fall out with friends and family and suffer back-to-back bad breaks. They finally develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected and unsuccessful.

Benefits of positive thinking: Here’s how it works

Thought patterns determine outlook (attitude).

Outlook determines choices, decisions and behavior.

Decisions and behavior determine outcomes.

Outcomes determine events that happen in your life and your life’s trajectory.

All this then re-enforces your outlook (attitude).

This becomes a cycle and cycles always repeat themselves.

To put it simpler, anytime you think a thought, you send a message out into the universe.  Sooner or later, you get a response that matches. Moreover, this response always returns as an event, situation, or circumstance. And once it becomes a vicious cycle in your life, it’s damn hard to break that cycle.

However, know that this cycle can be broken, but it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. I can tell you from experience that the changes won’t happen overnight.

The reason for this is that, once a pattern is set, unseen forces (like your subconscious mind, for instance) will, at first, fight against any change you try to make. You could say that these unseen forces (your subconscious) have become comfortable with the way things are.

Just as most people hate change, so do the higher powers at work.

But know that if you keep at it, your breakthrough will present itself eventually. It has to after a while because of your refusal to give up.

On the other hand, the same order also goes with positive thoughts.

Positive thoughts equal a positive mind. A positive mind brings positive opportunities.

Therefore, positive opportunities lead to positive results. Altogether, they bolster confidence, which gives you a positive and extraordinary life!

It’s a shame most people go through life without learning this little nugget of wisdom. They go to the grave never learning this and so many other life secrets.

The benefits of positive thinking should motivate you to alter your outlook for the better.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you must be very careful that you don’t allow your bullies to cause you to mentally self-destruct. In other words, don’t allow the lies and toxic messages they send to influence the way you think of yourself.

You must fight like the devil to hold on to your self-belief. Your life and its trajectory depend on it!

If you hold on to your positive attitude and sense of self from the very beginning, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and hard work in the future. Most of all, you’ll save yourself from a lot of future pain and misery.

So, be aware that when bullies are attacking you at every turn, it’s too easy to allow your self-esteem to erode. As a result, you end up losing the initial positive attitude.

Moreover, if you aren’t careful, you’ll begin to doubt yourself and give up on your goals. Here are 3 Life Secrets that everyone (especially targets) should learn. And once you learn them, hold them close no matter how others may treat you.

You can use them to keep your self-esteem from tanking.

Finally, the 6 benefits of positive thinking:

1. You Have Improved Mental Health.

It uplifts your mood! You begin to feel better and more hopeful. Therefore, you’ll see a better path forward. And the best part is that you’ll experience joy!

2. You’ll attract better people into your life.

Your good mood will spread to others and they’ll take notice. The right people will want to be around you because they will want some of the feel-good that you’ve got!

In other words, you’ll be more pleasant to be around. Understand that others who aren’t bullies love being around those who have a positive mindset.

Why? Because your mindset has a way of radiating outward through the vibrations and energy you unconsciously put out.

So, if you have a positive mindset, the people around you will feel it and they’ll gravitate toward you. This is how you will meet dates, partners, and lifelong friends.

3. Benefits of positive thinking: You’ll attract better opportunities.

That includes better job opportunities and better social and romantic opportunities as well. Managers love potential employees who are positive. Moreover, it’s the same for potential business partners, dates, friends, and associates.

Most people love those who have a positive attitude. Because a positive attitude is a winning attitude! Everyone loves a winner! That is, everyone, except bullies and abusers.

4. You’ll be grateful with what you have instead of resentful over what you don’t have.

You’ll focus on what you do have and not moan about the things you don’t have. Moreover, you’ll work toward achieving your desires instead of just sitting around wishing for them.

And because you work for it, you will more than likely attain it because no one every got anything by wishing for it.

5. Your positive attitude will become ironclad.

In other words, if you practice positive thinking long enough, it will become a habit! You’ll think positive without even thinking about it and your happiness will increase several-fold!

6. You’ll begin to score wins left and right!

In other words, you’ll see success after success! And who doesn’t want that! With a positive outlook, you’re likely to make the right choices and decisions, which will lead to accomplishments you never thought possible!

this post was all about the benefits of positive thinking and why you should change negative thought patterns.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

25 signs of a toxic person psychology

25 Signs of a Toxic Person

3 Comments

‘Want to know the 25 signs of a toxic person? Here are the tell-tale indicators that you need to be aware of.

25 signs of a toxic person

One of the first steps in protecting yourself from bullying is to know what types of people you should avoid. Also understand that trusting your feelings is just as important.

Why? Because some people are experts at hiding their true intentions and some things just aren’t so obvious.

In this post, you will learn the 25 signs of a toxic person so that you can protect yourself by knowing who to stay away from

Once you learn all these red flags, you will be able to better shield yourself from evil people and protect your peace.

This post is all about the 25 signs of a toxic person you need to know about.

25 Signs of a toxic person

It’s a good thing that we all have a sixth sense and are able to sense the vibes and energy others put out. This can also work in our favor. The trick is to listen to that innate instinct and trust it.

 You can often tell who they are by the way they talk, behave, carry themselves, and how they treat other people.

Here are the types of people you should avoid altogether

1. taking and never giving

If you find yourself doing all the calling, texting, and the visiting, then, the relationship is one-sided and it’s best to cut the person loose.

2. gaslighting

This is a person who never takes responsibility for their behavior. Moreover, they find everything wrong with you and nothing wrong in themselves.

What’s really bad is that they never have anything positive to say. What’s worse is this person will often put on a gleaming façade of perfection.

At the same time, they throw stones at you and anyone who “rubs them the wrong way.” And when they hide their own shortcomings, they will project them onto you to use you as a distraction from their sins.

Therefore, don’t walk, run! This person is not the least bit healthy to be around!

3. 25 Signs of a toxic person:

They Constantly Criticize

Although this should be a no-brainer, many people are abused for so long they become rewired to take even more of it. However, the fact remains.

Anyone who makes you feel like crap shouldn’t be a part of your life and you should weed them out.

These people constantly criticize you. They seem to have a problem with every thing you do and how you do it. Moreover, they have a problem with how you look, what you wear, the way you keep your house… everything!

It seems they search for things to nitpick. These are folks you want to show the door to, quickly!

4. Stabbing you in the back

The backstabber is someone who is two-faced. They smile in your face but trash you once you’re not around.

Here’s something else to think about. If you have a friend who talks smack about their other friends to you, then you can bet the farm that they’re running their pie hole about you to the same friends when you’re not around to hear it.

 This person will often pretend to be your friend. The sad thing is that you’re usually the last to know.

Therefore, you should never trust this person. Be careful what you share, not only with these people, but with anyone. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

Understand that this person isn’t worth knowing. So, take out the trash.

5. 25 Signs of a toxic person:

They’re a Shallow Hal.

If this person was any more plastic, they’d be a Barbie doll. This person is superficial and is constantly belittling other people’s weight, looks.

Moreover, they may talk trash about the clothes others wear, or the car they drive. So, have nothing more to do with this person.

6. Neediness.

The needy person always seems to be desperately searching for love, friendships, clients, etc. Then he complains when he doesn’t find them.

Moreover, they do this while looking past what’s right in front of their face and forgetting the people who’ve been there for them.

Understand that they aren’t worth your time and you should act as if they don’t exist!

7. Constantly One-Upping You.

This person one ups you every time you tell them of your blessings or anything good you accomplished. In other words, if you took a whizz, this person took two.

If you went out on a date, this person went on two dates- you get the picture.

Therefore, they’re all about themselves and is always trying to outdo you to look better than you. Ditch and switch, baby!

8. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They invalidate your feelings.

Only you can know your inner reality. No one else can possibly be privy to that information.

If someone tells you how you feel, they claim to know the unknowable. Moreover, if they tell you how you should feel, they send the message that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do.

No one has the right to do that to you. No one! Tell them to take a hike.

9. They’re jealous of your good fortunes.

This person is never happy for you when you reach success. In other words, they secretly resent you each time you make an accomplishment.

Moreover, you can always tell because you will accidentally look out the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll see the tiny micro-flashes of contempt, they shoot at you when they think you aren’t looking.

What you need are cheerleaders- real friends around you, not frenemies who resent your successes. Chuck this person fast!

10. They like to stir the pot.

This is a person who loves to sow discord and division among others. They work as a double-agent.

In other words, they like to go back and forth, telling each person what the other said about them. And when the two quarreling people finally come to blows, this scumbag will then stand back and watch with glee as the two duke it out.

Get rid of this creep! Fast!

11. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

The Drama Queen

Closely related to the pot-stirrer, this bad egg is a chronic complainer and always seems to be in a jam. Their misfortune seems to be never-ending.

In other words, they have bad break after bad break.

Now, we all have times when we must vent, and we all have bad luck at times. That’s perfectly normal. But when it’s constant, you have to wonder if the person is, somehow, bringing much of it on themselves.

Moreover, they have a problem for every solution. These types are never happy and impossible to please.  In fact, they will blame others for their misfortunes.

More importantly, drama queens and kings also tend to be suspicious of others. They’re the type who think that everyone is out to get them or everyone has ulterior motives.

And if they think everyone is out to get them, they’ll think you’re out to get them too and they will try to get you before you get them.

Additionally, if they have to do any kind of work, they’ll whine and bellyache about it.

Realize that bad moods have ways of spreading fast. No one wants to be around a nosebleed who whines constantly.

Therefore, stay away from this person because they’ll dog your mood.

12. Belittling and ridiculing your goals and dreams

when you talk about your dreams and aspirations, or celebrate an accomplishment, this person will pee all over it.

For example, if you decide to go back to school, your so-called friend will tell you that you’re not smart enough. They may even tell you that you’ll be doomed to fail.

Show this idiot the door because they’ll only drag you down. Even worse, they may cause you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

13. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They love to gossip.

This individual is a walking tabloid. You’ll see and hear her talking trash about different people and you’ll notice she does it all the time.

Moreover, she tell you everyone else’s business and might even broadcast her own to get you to divulge yours.

Many gossips will even talk about people they don’t know but have only heard about. They always seem to know everything about everyone– everything, short of their bathroom habits.

14. The person is nosy.

 Virulently nosy! This snoop should be considered a twin sister to the gossip.

Why? Because most gossips tend to consistently have their face in everyone’s else’s business.

You will often find them asking others personal questions. They’ll ask them about their finances, how much they get paid. Heck! Some will even ask about their sex life or whether they have one!

Moreover, you’ll find them with their ear to the door, eavesdropping on conversations. Also, you may witness them eyeing others closely, butting in, and inserting their cheap two-cents where it doesn’t belong.

Therefore, it’s best to avoid these people at all costs!

15. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

Passive-Aggression.

These people will be those who subtly insult you and make backhanded compliments. In other words, they’ll hurl little zingers your way and make you feel like a total loser.

Moreover, this person is sneaky and should be avoided because if they even think you’ve slighted them somehow, they’ll unless a rash of covert attacks. And you won’t even see it coming until it’s too late.

Also, if they have an agenda and you just happen to be standing in their way, look out! They will make your life a living hell. This person is to be avoided at all costs!

Again, this is the person who doesn’t belong anywhere near you. So, do like Snoop Dog and “drop it like it’s hot!”

16. They make you feel like second choice.

If you have a so-called friend who only wants to talk to or spend time with you when their first option isn’t available, it’s time to walk away.

Don’t be second fiddle. Don’t be somebody’s option B, C, or D. Tell this creep to go pound sand!

17. They only come around when they want something.

Realize that this person doesn’t really love you for you, but only sees you as a convenience. In other words, they only love the benefits your friendship brings them.

These are the kinds of people who only show up when they’re in a jam and they need money, advice, or help with something.

You’re not a bank, you’re not Dear Abby, and you’re not a go-to person when someone needs help with something. Therefore, understand that you’re much more than that.

Sure. It’s great to want to help your family, friends, and your fellow man. Nothing wrong with that. But if they only take advantage of you, it’s time to cut them off and cut them loose!

18. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They put out bad vibes

When we’re around some people we can sense that something is off about them. In other words, we pick up on the vibes and energies they put out that don’t feel quite right.

Always listen to your gut feeling because vibrations don’t lie. Then keep this person at arm’s length!

19. They’re fake.

These types of people are always trying to be someone they aren’t. However, if they aren’t happy with themselves, they won’t be happy with you either.

It’s best to eighty-six their butt! Pronto!

20. The attention-seeker

This person is also calling and texting because they need emotional support. Granted, there are times when we all need it

Also, they may show off.

However, if you have someone in your life who seems to constantly need it, or they’re constantly trying to show out to impress others, it may be time to cut ties. This kind of person is exhausting to be around and you must do what you must to protect your psychological well-being.

21. 25 Signs of Toxic People:

They thrive on manipulation.

This person manipulates the people around them to get what they want. They stretch the truth, tell little white lies and use circumstances to their advantage.

However, if they manipulate others, they’ll do it to you too. Avoid them at all costs!

22. They lay guilt trips.

These types of people will try making you feel guilty for not doing what they want you to do.  Don’t fall for it and don’t capitulate to them. If you don’t want to do something, there’s no law that says you have to.

Avoid this person as well!

23. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

The pathological liar

This is a no-brainer. Avoid anyone who’s dishonest because you can never trust them.

24. The control freak

These types want to be in control all the time. They expect you to do everything their way instead of having your own way of getting things done.

Moreover, they want to have control over your life. And they don’t like to ask. They prefer to give orders.

If you have someone in your life who likes to tell you what to do, it’s best to sever ties and preserve your autonomy.

25. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They’re arrogant.

This individual thinks they’re better than you. They’re condescending, patronizing, and look down their nose at anyone they think is less intelligent, has less money, or doesn’t measure up to their standards.

However, realize that their arrogance is only a cover for insecurities. Also, it’s a front to deceive people into believing that they’re better than what they are.

Walk away from this person!

If you want to protect yourself from all kinds of evil people, it’s important to know that anyone who abuses, mistreats, or disrespects you doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. Understand that people who don’t value you are of no value to you.

 Therefore, take out the trash.

In Conclusion:

You must create your own value, and you do this is by how you allow others to treat you. Therefore, treat yourself well and never settle for people who don’t see your worth.

Realize that it’s not your job to make other people’s lives easier, neither is it your responsibility to make them feel better about themselves.

Therefore, take back your self-respect and your power. Get rid of anyone who shows any of the above signs and save yourself a ton of future heartache.

Again, anyone who seems to suck the life out of you doesn’t deserve to be in your life. Although you can’t control their behavior, you do have a choice of whether to have any more to do with them.

You have more power than you realize. Use it and give these life-leeches the boot!

This post was all about the 25 signs of a toxic person so that you can know who to part with and preserve your self-esteem and overall mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

I need you

When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

23 Comments

When you need someone more than they need you, what do you do to break the spell that person has over you? Would you like to know? As someone who’s been caught in that trap, I’m giving you eight easy ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.

when you need someone more than they need you

You may be a victim of bullying who’s rejected, lonely and desperate for friends. Or, maybe you’re a battered woman trapped in an abusive and controlling relationship. Nevertheless, anytime you need someone else more than they need you, it’s a trap that’s hard to pry yourself out of.

As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you effective ways to tip the scales of power in your favor when you need someone more than they need you.

You will learn easy and foolproof ways to escape the grip of a controlling person whether it’s a bully, fake friend, or abusive partner. You will then take back control of your life.

Once you learn all about these empowering methods, you will re-empower yourself and take back your personal power, independence, and your freedom. Then, you will be able to lead your life in the direction you wish and bravely assert your rights to be treated with dignity and respect.

This post is all about how to tip the balance of power when you need someone more than they need you. Also, it’s about becoming re-empowered to take your autonomy and your life back so that you can finally live happier and in peace.

When you need someone more than they need you.

So, what happens anytime you allow someone to put you in the position where you need them more than they need you?

You allow someone else to control you. In that, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner and to be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

In other words, you put yourself at the other’s mercy.

Therefore, never allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid that you won’t find another partner. The same goes if you’re a target of bullying. Never hang on to fake friends because you’re afraid that you won’t find other friends.

Moreover, never seek attention because you feel deprived of it. Why? Because, if you do any of these things, you make yourself a slave to others.

As a result, you lose your value in the eyes of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable.

What other people see when you need someone more than they need you

Understand that people have a tendency not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who constantly makes themselves readily available. It’s the same for a person who always hangs around, and (gasp!) who chases after approval and human connection.

On the other hand, a person who makes themselves rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when bullies bully you. Also, I realize the level of heartache when fake friends throw you under the bus and turn on you. Therefore, my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. And you definitely don’t want to do it by giving these people the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

They may disparage you; they may judge you, they may gossip about you, but let them do it. Moreover, let them misunderstand you and look down their noses at you. Just don’t let them know that their bullying is ruining your life.

Every bully’s biggest desire is to see for themselves how their abuse affects you.

Nine times out of ten, the people who do these things to you want to know how it hurts you. In other words, they want to see your wounds. They want to see you beg and plead. They want to see you hurt- and hurt badly.

And why not? It’s a dark part of human nature that people who want to hurt you want confirmation that their abuse is working to tear you down. And most of all, they want confirmation that they have power over you.

Your bullies and abusers want absolute assurance that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Furthermore, they want you dependent on their say so.

Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction!

I’ve known women with abusive husbands, who let their abusers talk them into quitting their jobs or dropping out of college. As a result, each of these women gave up her independence.

 Thus, she became totally dependent on him. Consequently thereafter, he had free reign to do with her whatever he wanted.

The end result when you need someone more than they need you:

My very abusive grandfather did the same to my grandmother when she worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant during the mid-sixties. Calling herself being the dutiful wife, she allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

Moreover, my granddad promised her that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job.

Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid off. Additionally, he sold the car behind her back! Right out from under her!

Therefore, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and tipped the balance of power in her favor.

A bully can be a domineering classmate, a supervisor, or an abusive spouse or parent.

My grandfather was also an abusive, domineering parent. He tried to control the life of his oldest daughter, my aunt.

For example, he tried to keep her from marrying the love of her life when she was eighteen years old. Why? Because he wanted to keep her under his roof and therefore, under his thumb and within his reach.

However, she dared to defy him and get married anyway, with my grandmother’s permission. My aunt married Uncle Gene behind my grandfather’s back.

As a result, granddad showed up at the house my aunt and her new husband had rented and physically attacked her in her own driveway.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this story. It’s because there’s a point to it. And, the point is that bullies, whether at home, in the workplace, in any form of government, or at school, want the same thing.

They want their targets to need them more than the bullies need their targets. In other words, they want complete control over their target’s lives.

Understand that this is all a form of coercive control.

When you need someone more than they need you, you leave yourself at that person’s mercy.

What do these bullies have to gain from ruling their targets with an iron fist? Power! Raw power! That’s what they have to gain.

Put simpler, bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Moreover, bullies in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs. In that, they need their approval to provide for themselves and their families.

Also, it’s the same with bullies in government, better known as tyrants or despots. Tyrants want their constituents to think they need their permission to have freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so to have friends and a good social life. Moreover, they want the power to decide whether their victims have psychological and physical safety.

Understand that bullies are all about CONTROL and DOMINANCE. Nothing more!

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

What are the easy ways to tip the scales of power when you need someone more than they need you?

1. Do Not Comply.

In other words, if you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting. Moreover, if he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, take it with a grain of salt.

Continue to stand firm no matter how tough he makes life for you at home. Also, the same goes if you’re a student and he wants you to drop out of college. Keep going to class and do NOT drop out.

Understand that much of the power a bully holds depends on your compliance. Therefore, when you refuse to comply with bullies’ demands, you instantly snatch back your personal power.

2. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away.

Here’s another nugget of advice for abused partners. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

Abusive partners will take control of any money that comes into the household. Why? To keep you broke so that you’ll stay dependent on them.

Think about it! Communist and Socialist governments do the same thing to the people they govern. Dictators, Tyrants, and Despots take complete control of business and production and seize the food and money supply to ensure that the people obey their demands. Also, they do these things to keep the people dependent on government for their very survival.

Abusive and controlling partners and tyrannical governments (dictators, tyrants, and despots) are the same types of people. Bullies are bullies are bullies!

This brings me to number three.

3. When you need someone more than they need you: What If you’re under the rule of a bully official?

If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands, or even millions. Therefore, there is strength in numbers.

Find a way to use that against them.

4. What If you’re the target of bullying in the workplace by a bully boss or bully coworkers?

If this is the case, you should quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. Moreover, whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference.

Then, when you find another job, quit!

Understand that staying in a toxic workplace isn’t worth the risks to your mental health! Therefore, find a way out as soon as possible!

5. Make friends outside the bullying environment.

In other words, make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Your bullies and others at work or school may not value you. However, it doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace won’t.

Chances are that it will be much easier for you to make new friends outside of the toxic place. Therefore, do this. However, when you do, know that there’s no need to tell your new friends about the bullying you suffer at work or school.

This is information nobody on the outside (besides your family) needs to know.

6. Take a self-defense class.

If you’re dealing with physical bullies, you may want to take a self-defense class. MMA training helps to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

However, it’s best not to use it until you advance a few levels and feel confident in what you’ve learned.

7. Keep your sense of self intact.

In other words, continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat and degrade you. Hold onto your self-belief.

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. Know that you have a choice of whether to keep toxic people in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. They may mistreat you terribly, but they can’t take your mind if you don’t let them.

8. If all else fails, leave the toxic environment. Rent a new house or move to a new area, job, or school.

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

In conclusion, never allow someone to put you in a position where you need them more than they need you. Find a way to re-balance those power scales!

This post was all about what to do when you need someone more than they need you so that you can take back your personal power.

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

34 Comments

‘Want to know exactly how to go about beating bullies at their own game? Here are 9 proven and effective tactics every bullied victim must know.

beating bullies at their own game

When bullies target you, it can leave you overwhelmed, confused, and depressed. Why? Because it seems that they knock you down at every turn, then keep you down. However, there are easy ways of beating bullies at their own game. You just need to know how to do it and do it successfully.

As someone who’s experienced it and learned the art of beating bullies at their own game, I’m giving you the nine easy but effective ways to outfox and outmaneuver your bullies.

In this post, you will learn the nine most effective ways to win against your bullies and become virtually invincible to bullies.

Once you learn these so-easy-it-shouldn’t-work strategies, you will rise above your bullies and become your own hero.

This post is all about beating bullies at their own game and the techniques you should use to do it successfully.

Beating bullies at their own game

Let’s get right into it! Here are the nine easy strategies you can use to turn the tables on your bullies.

1. See your bullies’ behavior for what it is, know where it comes from and realize the intentions behind it.

When you really stop and think about it, bullies can crack you up sometimes, can’t they? Or at least they should.

Bullies try to get your attention by making a smart-alicky comment here, a backhanded compliment there. This is a weakness and you can use it as such if you know how.

Many bullies will deliberately stand behind you in the checkout at the supermarket and sometimes a little too close. These are all attention-getting behaviors and if you’re a target of bullying, you’ve probably had people do the same to you on more than one occasion.

However, the funny thing is that when you see the behavior for what it is, where it comes from, and what’s it’s designed to do, you no longer care. And when you no longer care, the behavior ceases to be hurtful nor threatening.

Instead, it becomes boring, then hilarious or it only makes you pity the poor things.

Beating bullies at their own game means realizing that your bullies are miserable and pitiful souls.

Moreover, it must really suck to be a bully. All that expended effort to put on airs and all that hatred and vitriol! Bullies must carry around all that baggage and it only makes them look like the miserable pieces of garbage and not you.

All that negative energy that usually only ends up coming back to bite them later! All that effort to bring you down! And for what?

Attention? Is the meanness designed to intimidate those they find threatening?  Maybe the bullies want to be feared, admired, or adored by everyone. Or, they may think it makes them look big and tough.  They may think their behavior looks cute.

Nevertheless, the end goal is to feel better about themselves and more superior.

Sure. The mean and hateful behaviors of bullies can hurt, no argument there. However, after so long, there comes a point when you no longer give a crap.

Moreover, there comes a time when their behavior loses its potency and no longer has the intended effect it once did.

As a result, the people who bully you only become less menacing, less threatening, and less of an issue until they become downright boring. Then, finally, they become irrelevant.

Any behavior repeated over and over again gets so worn out and overdone until it becomes as stale as a three-day-old pile of shit that has lost its stink.

2. Beating bullies at their own game: Ignore and mock their insults, taunts, and worthless prattle.

Watch the bullies continue the same worn-out behaviors, making arses of themselves. They push a little harder and a little harder to get your attention. They may even use gaslighting to prompt you to get defensive.

Maybe they strategize and change tactics because what they’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore. However, it store bores you to death because, again, you just don’t care.

Therefore, you no longer react to it. You only walk away chuckling and leave the bullies standing there with their mouths hung open.

Again, bullies don’t realize that, after so long doing the same old shenanigans, they eventually reduce their effectiveness and become a real yawn. Moreover, your bullies become so pathetic in your eyes that you can’t help but to shake your head in pity.

So, understand that here are two things bullies hate- being mocked and your refusal to submit or react to their childish taunts and threats.

3. Keep being yourself.

In other words, don’t let their childish behavior change you. Again, this takes re-framing your mindset to see their behavior as an indicator that there is something wrong with them and not you.

Therefore, relax, be yourself, and let the haters hate.

4. Beating bullies at their own game: Keep taking care of yourself.

Put simpler, keep doing the things fulfill you and creating the life you desire. Practicing self-care is of the most importance when people bully you.

Eat right, exercise, take care of your physical and mental health.

The key here is to create your own happiness and well-being.

5. Focus on and take care of the people you love and who love you.

Instead of focusing on the people who could care less about you and want to see you suffer, focus on the people who love you and who lift you up. Usually, these people are your closest family members and friends.

Moreover, realize that those who don’t see your worth shouldn’t live in your head rent free. So, promptly evict them because they aren’t worthy of one ounce of your energy.

Also, work to create happy moments with these people because they love you and want nothing but the very best for you. Attend family gatherings or host them. Take trips with these wonderful souls. Stay connected with your people.

6. Beating bullies at their own game: Pursue your dreams and aspirations.

Work on your goals and focus on the things you wish to accomplish. This is, by far, the best way to handle bullies. Why? Because when you keep your mind on your goals and dreams, you’ll have no time to think about your bullies.

And, if you don’t think about them, they can’t control you. Heck, they can’t even phase you. And that’s a win for you and a loss for them. Remember that bullies try to get your attention. This is the best way to avoid giving it to them.

7. Get out and enjoy nature.

In other words, go for a walk in the woods. Or, you can go to the park and read a good book on a beautiful fall day. Whatever you love to do outdoors, whether it’s lying on the beach or walking your dog on a walking trail, get outside and enjoy nature.

It’s the best way to recharge, relax, and unwind. Also, it drives away depression because it releases endorphins. Moreover, it gives you lots of vitamin D3 from the sun!

8. Learn new things.

In other words, read, write, and look for lessons life can teach you. The point is not to let yourself stagnate. If you’re not learning new things, you stagnate very easily and that only brings depression.

Therefore, always take the opportunity to learn new things. For example, you could take a course or go to the library and check out a good self-help book to read. Whatever way you choose to learn, always strive to acquire new knowledge.

Your mental health will thank you! I guarantee it!

9. Pay them no mind and keep doing you.

When you focus on and do you, it frustrates and annoys bullies because you’re focusing on yourself and your goals and not them. Also, you are no longer being subjugated by your bullies, and that really tears them up inside.

Moreover, once things reach this point, they usually give up and go find another target because if something is no longer working, you change tactics. And if nothing seems to work, you run out of fortitude and give up.

Therefore, realize that it’s about self. The key is to stop focusing outward and start focusing inward. In other words, work on yourself. Why? Because, as stated earlier, when you’re too busy working on yourself, your bullies become irrelevant very quickly. As they should.

Realize that the reason bullies act the way that they do is because they have no lives. Moreover, they have no control over their own lives. Therefore, they try to take control over yours. Bullies truly are the most miserable of humans on earth. And once you realize this proven fact, they will no longer be an issue.

This is how you beat bullies at their own game!

This post was all about beating bullies at their own game so that you can finally take back your peace and therefore, control over your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

discouraged

When Others Tell You You Can’t: 8 Reasons They Discourage You

2 Comments

When others tell you, “You Can’t,” does it annoy you or does it cause you to believe in yourself a little less each time they say it?

Understand that there are reasons why people say this. ‘Wanna know what those reasons are?

when others tell you you can't

When you have people telling you that you can’t do, be or accomplish something, it can be a real morale-killer. Sadly, victims of bullying and abuse hear this reply a lot! If you’re one of these people like I was, you must know why they do it.

In this post, you will learn the reasons why others tell you, “you can’t.” You’ll also learn the exact motivations and intentions behind it.

Once you learn all these reasons, motivations, and intentions and the place the statement comes from, you will be better able to blow it off and do it anyway.

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t”

“When others tell you, “you can’t,” they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

– Cherie White –

There are reasons why people discourage you. Sometimes, it’s unintentional. However, more often, it’s purposeful. Here are the reasons why they say this and why you should let it go in one ear and out the other.

1. Jealousy

Many times, people abuse and mistreat you because they are more aware of your potential than you are. In other words, they are jealous of that potential.

Understand that these people are scared to death that you’re going to make it in life later on. Therefore, they ridicule your dreams and try their hardest to make you ashamed of them so that you’ll stop pursuing them.

They know that if they can convince you to stop pursuing those dreams and worse, stop believing in yourself, they just might steer you away from success. So, see this for what it is.

It’s a sneaky form of sabotage!

2. When others tell you, “you can’t,” It’s because your success would be a threat to their power

This is especially true with bullies and abusers. Understand that these people see you as inferior to them. Therefore, any success you achieve will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos.

Understand that these people just aren’t happy people. Why do you think they go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams?

Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?

Therefore, if you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults and horrible names, they just might be projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you.

 Moreover, when people say that you will never amount to anything nor achieve anything, it’s because they want you to believe it. And, if you allow them to convince you that you’re nothing, you will unknowingly began to live up to it.

Therefore, you’ll only play right into their hands. You must never allow yourself to be taken in by these monsters. Hold on to your confidence no matter what! Refuse to believe their hogwash!

3. To tear down your confidence.

Some people are envious of your confidence and do everything possible to destroy it. Therefore, they constantly belittle you and put you down.

However, you must know why they do it. And that’s to avoid feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. Again, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.

Confidence alone is enough to threaten bullies.

4. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s Because they’re afraid you’ll show them up.

Moreover, they’re afraid that you’ll prove them all wrong and force them to back-peddle and eat every nasty word that came out of their mouths about you.

Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up. Even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.

Why? Because when the perceived underdog makes a huge accomplishment, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the over-dogs. Moreover, he exposes them by highlighting the inferiority they so desperately tried to hide.

In other words, when you become a winner, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do. You also remind them of everything they never could and will never be.

It is as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them their nude reflections. You reflect back to them the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples, and bumps of fat.

Therefore, it’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.

“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”

This is exactly what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.

5. At their core, they are miserable, bitter, and afraid.

Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. Therefore, they put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. Your bullies and abusers must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade to take the negative focus off them.

Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.

As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.

You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.

So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!

6. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s because They want to stay superior to you.

In other words, they don’t want you to be equal and they for damn sure can’t stand the thought of you being superior to them! Noooo!

7. To make you nervous

Why? Because they know that when a person is nervous, they’re likely to make mistakes.

Think about it. When you’re extremely nervous, you drop things and trip over stuff. Why?  Because the intense nervousness and fear make you awkward and uncoordinated. In other words, it makes you clumsy. The human stress response is a tricky little devil!

You become even more afraid, which makes the clumsiness worse. Moreover, you become fearful of screwing up and afraid to fail. You’re also afraid to be yourself because you know your bullies are watching you closely.

Also, you know that your mistakes and failures are precisely what they’re waiting for.

For example, a bullied girl bakes a cake in Home Economics, only for it to collapse like a souffle. A bullied boy accidentally drops the ball on the basketball court in Physical Education. A company supervisor oversees a project, only for it to fall flat and be ridiculed.

And it seems the harder you try not to screw up, the more you do. You’re confused and don’t know which end is up. Making choices is hard and you aren’t sure which decisions are the right ones. No one can think clearly when nerves take over.

Additionally, when your mind and body are in panic mode, your brain begins to rewire itself for a hostile environment. It does this after people have, for so long, subjugated you to inhumane treatment.

Therefore,  the part of your mind that deals with decision-making and emotional regulation automatically shuts down. And you’re at the mercy of your primal instincts!

8. When Others Tell You, “You Can’t,” It’s only To Psychologically sabotage you

Realize that this is nothing more than a psychological operation that bullies employ to trick your mind into believing that you just might fail. Therefore, do not, no matter what, allow these people to manipulate you this way!

Why? Because they really will cause you to self-sabotage and fail if you do.

This is why most victims of bullying have low grades and performance in school. Also, it’s why victims of workplace bullying often have work projects that decline.

As a result, teachers and supervisors look at victims of bullying as failures and nuisances.

You may need to leave the toxic environment.

This is why you must get out of the bullying environment and away from those poisonous people if the bullying seems to get worse. Your life and your life chances depend on it.

And once you’re out of that toxic place, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the nervousness, clumsiness, and awkwardness will go away!

Moreover, you’ll be astonished at how your grades in school skyrocket and your performance at work drastically improves!

Why? Because the nervousness will fade quickly. Therefore, you will be calm again, finally. You’ll be able just to relax, breathe, and be. And that’s a freedom I can’t describe when I remember how it happened for me.

The relief will be so great! You will have the feeling of coming up for air after having your head held underwater. When you’re in a new place and around better people, you can put your best foot forward and start anew!

It may be frightening at first because, after all, you just came out of an abusive situation, and you may need time to get used to the new people in your life. You may be afraid of being bullied again. But I promise you that you can make new friends and you can finally enjoy equal treatment.

Also, because you’ll be a fresh face.  In most cases, everyone loves the new kid because there’s an air of mystery that surrounds them. So, take advantage of that.

Once you’re able to relax and be yourself, you’ll be able to speak and do things more confidently and assuredly. Your actions and movements will be fluid and the clumsiness and confusion will fade away. I guarantee it!

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t” – In Summary:

If you’re working hard to better your life and pursue your goals and dreams, expect bullies and even people who aren’t bullies to discourage you. Moreover, If you happen to be a target of bullying, understand that it’s nothing more than psy-ops bullies are trying to use against you.

See it for what it’s designed to do. And that is to suppress you and make you afraid of even trying because you risk the possibility of failing.

Even bullies know that if you keep trying  long enough, you’re very likely to succeed.

Realize that bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone. And they most definitely can’t take it if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior.

Moreover, understand that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come from one-upmanship, and when his/her target succeeds at anything, it undermines that sense of superiority.

Proverbially, any success you enjoy only takes your bullies down a notch or two.  This makes them angry. Therefore, they want to put you back in your place.

Therefore, when you reach success, expect this type of attitude and behavior from your bullies. Know that it will reignite a lot of rage and jealousy in them. It will also induce the need to take revenge. No way will they allow you to upstage them.

When this happens, don’t feel bad but feel good about it. Why? Because it only shows that your bullies are jealous and desperate to have what you have. Expect people to act ignorant. Look forward to when others tell you, “you can’t.”

Then let it go in one ear and out the other and keep working hard. Moreover, never apologize for any successes you’ve had.

This post is all about how to respond when others tell you, “you Can’t,” so that you can ignore the naysayers, save your self-esteem and keep striving to reach your goals!

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

18 Comments

Be happy, be yourself! It’s an important phrase to know because being yourself equals being happy. When you find the courage to be authentic, there are many benefits that come with it.

be happy be yourself

When people are bullying you for only existing, the idea of being yourself can sound downright scary because you feel that it isn’t a safe thing to do.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn of all the great advantages you’ll have from just being the real you.

After you learn all these wonderful advantages, you will have the courage to just be you, without fear nor guilt.

Be happy, be yourself!

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself, practice self-love, and to stop worrying about other’s opinions of you. I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension and I don’t blame you.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up, get bored, and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared and that’s why they keep on doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is how your bullies control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to keep control over your very existence?

What if I told you that there are huge benefits to not giving a crap?

Be happy, Be Yourself. What are the benefits?

1. You save your energy for better and more important things.

Consistently seeking approval gets exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time. Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever  feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only people who love you and who deserve you- your family and closest friends.

They are the only people whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle of people shouldn’t be an issue.

2. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval from others, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of people who could give less then a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what people think, you take your power back because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them, knowing that we’re all human and that everyone has flaws.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

It means that you start doing the things you enjoy, and you also start looking down on and avoiding the people who make you feel bad about yourself. And believe it or not, those people will notice the difference in you. And they’ll disappear.

 Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Show this person the door. Fast! People like that, you can’t get rid of fast enough.

3. Be Happy, be Yourself: You discover freedom like you’ve never known.

When you stop caring what people think, you free yourself from their grip on you and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek approval from someone, you, in essence, lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that you will be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

This is why people pleasing and approval seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of other people.

You make yourself too available to the people you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who’s always readily available.

Moreover, it’s the same with someone who is constantly around or (gasp!) someone who’s always chasing after human connection.

However, a person who does their own thing and is rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after. BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what people think and watch things quickly change for the better!

Be Happy, Be Yourself: Here are a few examples and scenarios to make things easier:

1. You have a boyfriend who treats you like garbage and you’ll still do anything to hang onto him. Your world revolves around him because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.

Anytime you allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid they’ll leave and that you won’t find another partner, you make yourself a slave to a partner who doesn’t give a crap about you.. As a result, you lose your value in their eyes and those of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable

2. You’re a target of bullying and your bullies have turned everyone against you. To keep from being by yourself all the time, you hang around people who don’t really like you but only tolerate you. And you do this because you’re afraid you won’t make new friends and seek attention because you feel deprived of it.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when you’re being bullied and being thrown under the bus by others who’ve turned on you. And my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. Also, you don’t want to give your bullies and anyone else the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

Know how these bullies think. Nine times out of ten, your bullies want to know how it hurts you. They want to see your wounds. They want to watch you beg and plead.

Your bullies want to see your pain because they want assurance that their abuse is working and that they still have power over you. They want proof that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Most of all, your bullies want you dependent on their say so.

Again, don’t give them the satisfaction! Be happy, be yourself!

Although they may disparage you,  judge you, gossip about you, let them do it. Let them misunderstand you and let them look down their nose at you. Just don’t reward them by letting them know that their bullying is doing what they want it to do – ruining your life.

Otherwise, they’ll never stop! Because once bullies succeed in bringing you down, they will do their due diligence to keep you down.

Keep displaying strength and dignity and they’ll likely get bored and find another victim.

3. You’re a wife with an abusive husband and you let him talk you into quitting your job or dropping out of college. He promises to provide all your needs. And he does but at a high cost.

And that cost is that you give up what independence you had left and become totally dependent on someone who doesn’t love you. He only controls you and cares only for his own selfish desires.

Now, he has free reign over you and he can do to you whatever he wants. Talk about a power imbalance from hell, huh?

For example, my grandfather, who we suspect had narcissistic personality disorder, did the same to my grandmother during the mid-sixties. She worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant and allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

He promised that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job. Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid for- behind her back! Right out from under her!

Case in point, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and moved on.

And when she got rid of him, she regained her freedom and lived in peace for the rest of her life!

Bullies are bullies no matter which environment you’re in! So Be happy Be yourself!

It’s all about control and the ability to dominate your life! Bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Those in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs and to provide for themselves and their families.

Government bullies, better known as tyrants, want their constituents to think they need permission from them for freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so not only to enjoy having friends and a good social life, but also for psychological and physical safety.

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

We stop caring what people think! In that, we stop depending on their permission to enjoy life’s pleasures and fulfillment! Therefore, be happy, be yourself!

1. If you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting, no matter how he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, and no matter how tough he makes life for you at home, or, if he wants you to drop out of college, don’t.

2. You quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

3. If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands and there is strength in numbers. Find a way to use that against them.

4. If you’re a target of bullying in the workplace, quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. And whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference. And when you find another job, quit!

5. Make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Just because your bullies and others at work don’t value you doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace or educational institution won’t.

6. You may want to take a self-defense class to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

7. You keep your sense of self- continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat you and degrade you.

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

Therefore, stop caring what people think! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to BE Happy, Be yourself, and the Advantages you’ll see afterwards!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

people pleasing behavior

Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

14 Comments

 The disadvantages of being a people-pleaser are many. However, there are still so many people, especially targets of bullying, under the misguided belief that putting others’ needs before your own will gain them positive results.

disadvantages of being a people pleaser

It’s because they don’t know what the disadvantages of being a people pleaser are. Otherwise, they’d make a few changes in how they try to influence others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the disadvantages of being a people pleaser and the adjustments you must make to win respect.

Once you learn all about these consequences, it will motivate you to stop overdoing putting others’ needs before yours and make sure to get a few of your needs met.

Moreover, you will finally get people to stop using you and finally get the respect you so deserve.

This post is all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to encourage you to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others.

Disadvantages of Being A People Pleaser

Before we get into the disadvantages of being a people pleaser, let’s first find out why people, mainly, targets of bullying and abuse,  do it.

As I’ve mention before in other posts, many targets of bullying obey others demands because their bullies have brainwashed them. By retaliating and inflicting harm on the victim whenever he refuses their demands, the bullies send the message that the next time he refuses to submit, they will punish him for it.

 Moreover, there have been times when saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they intensely fear asserting themselves.

Victims of bullying quickly adapt to having to cater to others in order to ensure their safety. Sadly, some linger on in the same situation for years on end.

It’s a hell of a way to live and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for other people’s purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment; not your own.

Bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer.

Also, we all know that bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer. Know that this type of attitude comes from a sense of entitlement and superiority.

Toxic bullies are notorious for retaliating against anyone who refuses their demands. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to stand firm. Therefore, you absolutely must hold your ground no matter what it costs.

Understand that it’s better to be hated by others than to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

Know that people who are genuinely kind also have a healthy self-esteem. They know who they are and what they want. They’re giving and generous, but not at their own expense. They give from love, because they want to give.

However, a people pleaser has low self-esteem and their giving and generosity comes from fear instead of love. They give because they feel no one will like them if they don’t.

So, what are the disadvantages of being a people pleaser?

Here are 7 consequences.

1. You end up feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

Each and every human being on the face of the earth was born with a mind and a will of their own. In order to be truly free, you need to have your own choices and some degree of control over your life’s trajectory.

Constantly catering to others’ wants and needs while placing yours on the back burner can leave you stressed out, tired, and worst of all, used and abused.

You may eventually adapt to it. However, others on the outside of the dynamic will watch you being used and doing everything for everyone else. As a result, they’ll think it’s okay for them to use you too.

Consequently, you’ll then have even more people making requests or outright demands then you did before. This is only one reason why people pleasing is never good.

2. You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.

In other words, other people are taking up so much of your time with their problems that you have none left to take care of your own.

Understand that you cannot be there for everyone all the time. You must assert time boundaries and make time to do the things you need and want to do as well.

After all, you only have so much time on this earth. Why waste so much of it trying to keep other people happy instead of focusing on your own happiness as well?

You can’t please everyone all the time. So, stop spending your life this way.

 3. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: You have no time for yourself.

Again, this is where setting time boundaries is important. Everyone needs time to themselves to rewind and recharge and you’re no exception. Some people need more of it then others.

Therefore, take time for yourself each day and practice self-care. You deserve it after all you put up with, I promise you!

4. Your productivity goes down because your time is limited by other people’s priorities.

Yet again, time boundaries, baby! Just as you take care of other people’s problems, you must take care of yours as well.

Understand that your priorities come before theirs. So, be sure that your productivity isn’t taking a hit before you make any commitments to anyone else.

If at any time some creep doesn’t respect your time, you must show them the door, fast! Then lock it behind you. A person who is so self-centered that they get angry because you have no time for them, doesn’t deserve one more second from you.

Therefore, rather than fear their anger, see it for what it is. It’s a big clue as to what kind of person they are and how much they really care about you. So, respond accordingly.

 5. One of the social disadvantages of being a people pleaser is that Your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you.

This cannot be stressed enough! Say yes to people too many times, and others will see you as a doormat. People don’t respect doormats, they wipe their muddy feet on them.

Moreover, people who have no boundaries, morals, or integrity will take full advantage and use you as their go-to anytime they need or want something. But, they’ll disappear like magic whenever it is that you need help.

Also, bullies and abusers see you as an easy target.

People Watch you all the time.

Even worse, they may even treat you like garbage. Understand that people watch you all the time. Decent people watch you to see if you are a good person and a worthy friend or associate.

On the other hand, human predators watch you to see what they can possibly get away with. They study you closely to suss out whether you’d make an easy target.

Therefore, two things will happen once people catch a whiff of neediness from you. And that’s what people-pleasing is. It’s needy behavior because it seeks approval and admiration from others.

1. Decent, good, and healthy people will have nothing to do with you because they see you as pathetic and don’t want to be responsible for “fixing” you.

2. Bullying and predatory people will see you as pathetic too, yes. But they’ll hang around only so they can use, abuse, and control you.

This is why you absolutely must set and, if need be, enforce boundaries and do it firmly!

 6. Disadvantages of being a people pleaser: It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.

When people lose respect for you, it can deliver a huge blow to your self-esteem, causing it to sink even lower than it already was.

I hate to say it but it’s true. Low self-esteem is a turn off. It only attracts unsavory people while repelling the good healthy types.

There’s a reason why people who are confident attract most people and make them want to be friends and be around them. It’s because the people a confident person draws to them are people who also feel good about themselves. These are healthy, quality people.

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, attracts those with low self-esteem or those who are evil – low quality people. Therefore, you must stop trying to people please and work on raising your self-esteem so that you can begin attracting people who are high quality.

7. It causes you to feel anger and resentment, not only at the people who constantly use you, but toward yourself for allowing them to.

Believe me, once enough people have used and abused you for so long. You’ll begin feeling anger an resentment. Not only will you resent the people you allow to walk over you, but you’ll resent yourself for letting them to it.

In fact, you’ll feel like a complete jackass! And there’s no worse feeling then to feel you were foolish for letting others use you like a dishrag.

However, you do have the power to make it right. And how you make it right and alleviate those toxic feelings is to begin placing your own priorities ahead of theirs.

Be prepared for some to respond harshly once you begin taking care of your needs first.

They may not like it and they may even react harshly to you once you begin putting yourself first. But the good thing is that, through their behavior, these people will show you exactly who they are. And this will be your cue to get rid of them once and for all.

 If nothing else, realize this. Most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for seeing to it that your needs get met. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. You can’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Always remember that.

This post was all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to give you cues for when it’s time to make the changes you need to make and make yourself a priority.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

5. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

bullying and self confidence at school

Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

4 Comments

Bullying and self confidence can exist when you’re being bullied. In other words, there are ways you can continue to be confident when you endure bullying.

‘Want to know how to do it? Here are 7 steps to keeping your confidence up when others continue to bully you.

bullying and self confidence

Bullies can crush your self confidence, that much is true. But only if you let them. As someone who has been there, I’m giving you the steps you need to preserve your self-esteem.

In this post you will learn ways to save your confidence when others bully you.

Once you learn about these steps, it will become easier to continue feeling good about yourself when others try to drag you down.

As a result, you will have the courage to stand up to bullies and make your own choices.

This post is all about bullying and self confidence. It also explains the tips that will help you stand strong against bullying and lead a happier and healthier life.

Bullying and Self Confidence

When you’re being bullied by everyone, holding onto your self-esteem can be challenging. And that’s putting it mildly. Moreover, after being bullied, it can sometimes take years to regain the confidence you lost.

However, there are things you can do to buffer your confidence and take the sting out of your bullies’ attacks.

7 Steps to Protect Your Self-Esteem

1. Watch and Listen.

You may not know it, but bullies have those who talk about them too. Believe me when I tell you. Bullies also have enemies, and lots of them. And why not?

Your tormentors have been walking over others for a long time. Therefore, you can bet that they’ve left a long trail of foes behind them. These are enemies who will be more than happy to dish out the tea about them. So, know that it isn’t wrong to get the information.

2. Know that you aren’t the only one these creeps have bullied.

Understand that seasoned bullies have had plenty of practice over the years. There have been other victims before you, and there will be more after you. Why do you think these people are so good at making you feel bad about yourself?

Moreover, how do you think they got so good at it? They certainly didn’t get that way by magic,  nor did it happen overnight. No.

Their successful bullying tactics came from many years of trial and error. As a result, they’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, there have been plenty of previous victims for them to practice on.

3. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Collect info on your bullies.

In other words, find out about their personal lives. Realize that your bullies have problems too. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to make you miserable.

As I stated earlier, your bullies have enemies, and plenty of them. Find those enemies. Then, cozy up to them and finesse a little information out of them.

Listen closely as they tell you all the dirty details about them. You will be surprised at what you find out!

4. Befriend others whom your bullies have bullied.

You and these people have something in common. Therefore, this should be a cinch!

Align yourself with these other victims. Bullies run in packs, so, why can’t victims?

Understand that there is strength in numbers. If you ban together, it’s a sure bet that your bullies will think twice before accosting you.

Remember that bullies are cowards. They would prefer to catch you when you’re alone rather than confront you while you’re in a group.

5. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Keep company only with people who love you and make you feel good about yourself.

A good sign of a true friend is someone who uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. This person uplifts and encourages you. Moreover, they have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer for you when you reach success.

However, victims of bullying often end up with fake friends who only tolerate them. As a result, these losers only find ways to humiliate them in public, then throw them under the bus when trouble comes for them.

This is because victims often become desperate for friends and companionship. Therefore, they latch onto the wrong people. Sadly, some of these targets would rather have sorry excuses for friends who treat them poorly than to have none at all.

In other words, they are under the false belief that anything is better than being by yourself. Having made that mistake myself, I’ve learned that it’s better to be alone.

Trust me when I tell you, anyone who belittles you even a little bit is not your friend! They’re only there because they know that you’re lonely. And, to an unsavory person, lonely means vulnerable and easy to use.

Therefore, these types only hang around to take advantage of you.

This is why you must remove these creeps from your life, and find better friends who respect you. Moreover, you must continue to keep company with those who genuinely like you and want to be with you.

Know that you deserve people who celebrate you, not those who only tolerate you.

6. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Show off your talents and gifts.

In other words, if you can sing, enter talent shows! If you can write, enter writing contests! If you know you’re good at something, find ways to show it off!

You’ll be surprised at how much it raises your self-esteem.

If you haven’t gotten up the courage to do these things yet, know that I understand because I’ve been there.

The bullying you suffer can increase such that you begin to fear showing anyone what you do well. You’re not only afraid that people will laugh at you, you’re also afraid that bullies will punish you for showing off.

However, understand that you have one shot and the time to take it is now. There are no do-overs. If you give in to fear and forgo doing what you’d really like to do, you’ll end up regretting it later.

Therefore, come out of your shell and take every opportunity to showcase your talents! Who knows where it might take you?

Also, you must take care of yourself. Exercise and eat well to take good care of your body. But don’t forget to take care of your mental health too. This is equally important!

7. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Do the things that fill your soul.

Whether you love to swim, hike or camp, find opportunities to do these things. The more happy moments you create for yourself, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Doing these things will lesson the pain of bullying attacks. Why? Because you’ll know that you have friends, allies, talents, and positive moments in life that counter anything your bullies try to tell you.

As a result, you’ll feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you’ll be able to respond to their drivel with an inner horselaugh and a middle finger.

Also, it will help tip the balance of adversity and success more in your favor. Many targets of bullying often have a ton of social failures and only a tiny few successes.

Therefore, if you do all these things, you’ll soon achieve a healthy balance between the two.

But, if you allow bullies to destroy your confidence, they’ll also destroy your life. It’s a fact!

If your confidence goes, so goes your performance, your social abilities, and everything else!

Think about it. Most bullied children and teens do not do well in school if others do not treat them fairly. In other words, kids in school need respect and for people to give them space, opportunity, and freedom to learn and grow.

It’s the same for adults in the workplace. If an employee endures workplace bullying, it won’t be long before their work performance declines.

Moreover, once job performance goes down, others will take notice. Even worse, bullies in the department will only weaponize it. How? By using it as confirmation that the targeted employee isn’t as smart as he appears.

Therefore, when a person is bombarded with consistent put-downs, nitpicking, and abuse, they eventually stop believing in themselves. As a result, their performance suffers.

Although we hear of bullied kids who compensate for their social failures by diving into schoolwork, and making exceptional grades, these kids are exceptions to the rule.

So, if you ever encounter bullying, you must guard your self-esteem with your life. Why? Because your life truly does depend on it!

Bullying and Self Confidence:

Here’s are other ways you protect your self-esteem.

Be there for others who are suffering.

Take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!

Make affirmations- “I AM” statements to yourself every day. “I AM beautiful,” “I AM smart,” “I AM better than what they say,” etc.

Find a therapist to talk to.

Tell the people who love you about what you’re going through.

And, whatever you do, Don’t be silent about it!

Take these steps to raise your confidence levels and, before long, you’ll notice a huge difference in the way you see yourself. I guarantee it!

This post was all about bullying and self confidence to help you take measures to improve your confidence levels and your life!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

The Risks of Saying No: 11 Reasons You Fear Saying No to People

6 Comments

If you’re a victim of bullying, do you want to know exactly why you’re afraid to face the risks of saying no? You know the concept but would you know how to word it if you had to explain it?

the risks of saying no

When you’re a target of bullying, saying no is risky. Bullies use force to get what they want and they don’t take no for an answer. Here are the most common reasons why it’s so difficult to say no when you need to.

You will learn all the risks of saying no to bullies so that you can pick the answers that best suit you and your situation.

After you learn what these reasons are, you will better be able to face your fear of saying it. Even better, you will have the answers you need to conquer that fear.

This post is all about the risks of saying no and what you can do to conquer your fear of saying it when you must.

“No” is such a tiny word but has so much power behind it. It can be intimidating to say to someone and to get for an answer from them. T

Victims of bullying have an especially difficult time saying no to people. And why not? Others have bullied them into saying yes for so long that they’ve conditioned the targets to do it without thinking.

The Risks of Saying No

However, many people who have never been bullied also have a hard time telling others no. Why is that?

There are many reasons:

1.Many people, especially victims of bullying, were raised to believe that saying no is self-centered, rude, and disrespectful. 

When we were children, adults often forced us to say yes. Abusive adults often conditioned us to go against own rights and welfare, or risk worse punishment. It was “obey, or else.”

Many of us grew up during a time when we automatically owed anyone over the age of eighteen respect. It didn’t matter if the adult in question was being fair or not. Neither did it matter if they were self-serving and out to harm us.

Just by virtue of being adults, we “owed” them respect simply because they’d lived on this earth longer than us. We were made to believe we were obligated to give respect to any adult no matter how lowdown and creepy the person may have been.

Sadly, these adults conditioned us this way during childhood and molded us into spineless, submissive adults. As a result, we continue to get used and abused by our partners, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.

Moreover,  all our lives, people have duped us into believing that saying yes to everything everyone asks (or demands) means that we’re “good people.”  Moreover, we have received the message that being agreeable one hundred percent of the time shows that we’re being “respectful” and that we have “a good attitude.”

Saying No to Ourselves by Saying Yes to Others

Consequently, we only learned the hard way that it’s the exact opposite. What it really means is that we become suck-ups, kiss-butts, and wusses.

However, understand this right now. Saying no means setting boundaries.

If we don’t set boundaries, we only end up with self-esteem that was never given the chance to develop properly. Therefore, we place ourselves at the mercy of bad people.

2. Another Reason You Don’t Take the Risks of Saying No is Because You’re afraid of offending people.

Let’s face it, people, especially bullies and abusers, often become offended with things which aren’t necessarily offensive. Understand that bullies, abusers, and other toxic people have an overinflated sense of entitlement. And they will become infuriated if you have the intestinal fortitude to tell them no.

Moreover, how they react could be downright scary! Look for these people to lay guilt trips on you and tell you what a rude and selfish person you are.

Also, you will feel pangs of guilt because bullies will, more than likely, convince you that you’ve done something wrong.

However, don’t you believe it for a second! See the bullies’ behavior for what it is- emotional manipulation.

You must realize that the offense these people take comes from insecurity and the feeling of rejection. It also comes from feeling entitled.

This is why they take being told “no” so personally. But! If nothing else, know this!

Any indignation or anger the other person feels and displays is neither your responsibility nor is it your problem.

Therefore, walk away from the idiot and have nothing more to do with them. They do not deserve the time of day from you.

3. You’re afraid of letting other people down.

This is understandable. No one who’s a decent person and worth their salt wants to let down another human being.

However, if you don’t save a little time, energy, and resources for yourself, there will be nothing left for you. Constantly putting your needs and priorities on the back burner to accommodate everyone else isn’t healthy at all.

So, begin putting your needs before theirs no matter the cost. If you take care of your needs first, then you can better take care of others’ needs later.

4. You don’t take the risks of saying no because you’re afraid of being thought of as selfish.

Most people care what others think and many, perhaps, a little too much. Although it’s normal to want others to think of you as good, decent, and caring person, too many people feel they must bend over backwards to prove it.

This kind of thinking is unhealthy. It reeks of desperation and only attracts users and abusers who’ll only bleed you dry of time, energy, resources, and self-esteem.

Therefore, remember the verse in the song, “Self-Esteem” by The Offspring? The verse that quotes, “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care…yeeah…”

Nooo! What it does is make you look like a simp to other people.

5. One of the risks of saying no is that you take people out of their comfort zones.

And that is time you’d rather spend with your family, closest friends, and loved ones. Or it could be time better spent studying your lessons, working on your own pursuits and hobbies, or resting.

There are only 24 hours in a day and if you’re constantly prioritizing others first, your needs will take a back seat and you won’t have time left for yourself and the people who matter most.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential! It’s a necessity! Realize that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but that’s okay. So, be okay with it.

Be prepared for some people to call you “selfish” when they hear the word no come out of your mouth. But again. Remember that you’re not responsible for the way they feel or for their problems. And see it as you’ve taken them out of their comfort zones because they’ve grown used to hearing you say yes.

So, embrace it because these people are showing you exactly who they are and who you should eliminate from your life.

6. You want to help others because it’s rewarding.

This is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it. Helping others makes us feel good and has huge heart-rewards.

For example, when we help our family members and friends, it shows them that we love them, and we care about their happiness and well-being.

When we help total strangers, we do it because we care for our fellow man. That feels great!

The problem comes in when we’re so busy taking care of others that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves. When it reaches this point, life can get stressful and overwhelming.

Also, bullies, users, and abusers will take notice and try to exploit our generosity, taking our kindness for being weak and gullible.

These are things we much watch out for.

Realize that you only have so much of these commodities. Use them wisely and don’t waste any of them on people don’t deserve them or haven’t earned them (i.e. bullies, abusers, anyone who takes you for granted).

7. You forgo the risks of saying no because You have low-self-esteem.

When you have a low self-image, you’re under the false assumption that your time, energy, and resources aren’t worth as much as those of others. You believe that you’re inferior to everyone else.

Therefore, you quickly say yes to others when you want to say no. You even give into those who give ridiculous demands.

Many times, you’ll bend over backwards to prove your value. But worth is something you don’t have to prove to anyone. Worth is something that’s either there or it isn’t.

In other words, if you’re a good person, you have value. And if you have value, it’s already there and there’s no need to turn somersaults to prove it.

Here’s another thing. Saying no will actually raise your self-esteem.

In fact,  the more you say it, the higher your confidence will rise until you realize that you’re just as good as everyone else. Also, you’ll find out that your time, your energy, your pursuits, and your dreams are just as important as everyone else’s.

8. You want approval and to be liked by others.

Wanting to be liked and approved of is a natural human desire that’s hardwired in all of us. It’s how we make friends, connections, and allies.

Also, it’s how we nurture our relationships with family and those we love. We try to relate to and find commonality with others to get accepted.

Many times, this is why we say yes even when we’re better off saying no. Understand that, though you may get approval from others if you’re a yes-person, that approval will be short lived.

Why? Because people always come back for more and there will be times when something comes up and you won’t be available for them. Then what?

Therefore, realize that keeping your self-esteem and self-respect is worth a hell of a lot more than getting anyone’s approval. And trust me, any approval that has the fine print of conditions tagged onto it is not the type you want.

9. You feel that the risks of saying no Are too High. Therefore, You give in to the threats and demands of bullies and abusers.

Unfortunately, some people won’t take no for an answer. Bullies and abusers are such people.

These types will move Heaven and Earth to manipulate you into feeling obligated and saying yes to them. They will even resort to screaming and yelling at you, calling you names like, ”selfish, greedy, mean, bitch, asshole, and other derogatory names to get you to comply.

Also, they’ll likely hurl insults, severely curse you out, ostracize you, give you the silent treatment, or try to humiliate you in front of others.

However, see these reactions for what they are, manipulation and retaliation. Put simply, they’ve lost control over you and they’re trying like the devil to get that back!

You must be ready for these people to use these evil tactics to punish you or to make you cave into their demands. They want to make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or afraid.

Because it’s worked for them before. Bullies and abusers hope that you’ll give up and give in to get them to stop abusing you.

But please, for your sake, don’t’ cave in! You must continue to stand your ground.

Realize that, if you give into the bullies’ demands, you’ll only quell their hostility temporarily. Sooner or later, bullies always come back for more and thus, these incidences will become a pattern.

If Nothing Else, Remember This!

Bullies and abusers aren’t dummies. They know exactly what they’re doing. Believe me when I say that your bullies are fully aware that they’re trying to manipulate you.

They know good and well that they’re being abusive and yes, they also know that what they’re doing is wrong.

Therefore, never think for one moment that these bullies don’t realize what they’re doing!

As long as you remember this, it will give you the confidence, courage, and resilience to stand firm against this atrocious behavior. So, call it out for what it is, and hold your position.

Also, once you learn this little nugget of truth, you will be less likely to feel ashamed, humiliated, fearful, or guilty. You’ll see the bully’s behavior as a reflection of their own cowardice, insecurity, and desperation and this alone will make it easier to stand your ground.

10. The Risks of Saying No: You’re afraid of conflict.

One of the risks of saying no is conflict. It’s just how it goes sometimes.

Many people are deathly afraid of conflict. Targets and most survivors of bullying are especially so because they’ve had so much conflict forced into their lives.

 This is why they will make a complete about-face when they detect even the slightest scent of it.

However, you must realize that conflict is a part of life and there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid it.  Also, there are times when conflict will seem to hunt you down like a hungry wolf.

In other words, conflict is something we all face at some point in our lives. It is certain. This is why we must learn to be assertive and say no to people when we need to.

Sadly, for many of those who have this fear, giving into others is a quick and easy fix. Any time the other person shows signs of becoming angry when you can’t be available right that second, you’ll try to assuage them.

Finally, you will retract statements, change your mind and acquiesce. Don’t do that!

Never submit on the belief that surrendering to the demands of another is safer (easier). It won’t be easy. But continue standing your ground. Never allow the other person to cause you to cave in just because you’d rather avoid conflict.

11. Why You Should Face the Risks of Saying No: Because Saying yes to everything and everyone becomes a habit.

Many people have been conditioned to people-please and the longer they do it, the more entrenched it becomes until it becomes instinct. In other words, the brain continues to develop more neural pathways for saying yes too much until you become wired to do it.

 Consequently, once you become hardwired to overdo the yeses, it becomes an automatic response. As a result, you’ll do it without even thinking about it.

Realize that for some, not saying no when they must is a learned response, and it stems from many factors.

Therefore, the 11 factors we just mentioned are either some or all of the roots of your apprehension. The best way to solve any issue is to get to the roots of it.

Put another way, if you know why you have a hard time saying no, you’re more likely to know what to do to change it. And once you get over the fear of saying no and begin asserting your rights, you will feel more empowered than you ever felt before. I promise you!

This post was all about the risks of saying no to help you pinpoint why you fear those risks so that you can know what changes you must make to take back your freedom and autonomy.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2 Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

bullies

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2 Comments

You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

why do bullies bully

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate.  In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one.  You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example,  joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

fake girlfriend

Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

18 Comments

Do you often wonder whether you have fake friends or real ones? ‘Wanna know the subtle signs people give when they only pretend to like you and be for you? Here are the time-tested and proven indicators that your friends don’t really like you.

fake friends

Having fake friends can leave you confused, exhausted, and worst of all, depressed with a broken self-esteem. If you’re anything like I was years ago, you’re probably wondering whether you have friends or frenemies. As someone who’s experienced this firsthand, I’m giving you all the signs you must look out for to protect yourself from being used and betrayed.

You’re going to learn about all the signs of an undercover enemy, from jealousy, to gossiping, to trying to steal your partner, and more.

Once you learn about all these signs that you have fake friends, you will be more emboldened to take the steps you need to take to rid these people from your life once and for all!

This post is all about the signs of fake friends that every victim of bullying should know about.

Fake friends

There will always be those who only pretend to see your worth but really don’t. And some never will see it. It’s just a part of life on this planet and we shouldn’t waste another nanosecond of our time on those people.

However, some people are terrific actors and it can be hard to tell if you don’t know what signs to look for. You must know the signs or you won’t know who to hang onto and who to let go.

Before we get into the signs, we must first discuss the one prerequisite that comes before being able to recognize these indicators. These are things you absolutely must do before you can spot these red flags and put it to good use.

Prerequisite: Always trust your gut.

Your gut feeling, or sixth sense is something we all have. It’s that internal alarm that goes off in when there’s danger nearby. In other words, it’s that bad feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that warns you when evil is around.

This gut-feeling, or intuition, is triggered by the energy and vibrations the people around you put out. Therefore, if you pay attention, you’ll pick up on the yucky energy your friends exude.

However, be forewarned! If you aren’t careful, you’ll likely mistake that pit-of-your-stomach feeling for being overly-suspicious. Moreover, the little voice inside your head will admonish you. It will tell you, “Aw, C’mon! You don’t know that person. At least give them a chance.”

Realize that self-doubt is a tricky animal. It convinces you to go against your God-given instincts. In other words, it compels you to ignore your innate gut feeling.

Self-doubt is what talks you into ignoring the bad energy you feel when you’re around unsavory people. Consequently, you open the door and let into your life people who are evil and nefarious.

Therefore, Never Doubt Your Instinct when you suspect fake friends!

If you ignore these things long enough, you eventually become blind to the terrible vibes and energy bad people exude. ‘You see, the ability to pick up on vibrations and energy is like your muscles. It must be exercised to become stronger. In other words, if you don’t use it, you lose it!

Your God-given gut instincts are the last things that you want to atrophy. In this mixed-up world, you cannot afford for these things to weaken.

Therefore, you must trust your gut. Especially if you are a target of bullying. Never allow others to convince you that you’re being too overly-suspicious.

If they accuse you of being “p*ranoid,” that’s a red flag. Never listen when they tell you that you’re “cray-cray” for following your intuition.

If ever you pick up bad energy from the people around you, listen up and don’t walk. Run!

Here are the signs of fake friends:

1.You feel bad or awkward around them.

Energy doesn’t lie. Although you may not consciously know that the people you’re with don’t value you, you’ll feel it in their vibrations.

Therefore, avoid anyone who makes you feel that something is “off” because the vibes you feel are a warning. Realize that these people don’t deserve to be in your presence or your life. You deserve better.

2. Empty promises.

These people make all kinds of promises but never follow through. That’s a HUGE red flag! Again, you deserve better than them. It’s time to ditch and switch to better people.

3. Their words don’t match their body language or actions.

They tell you that they like you and that you’re the best thing since the invention of the wheel. However, they don’t act like it.

Instead, they run hot and cold toward you. Sometimes they speak, sometimes they don’t. Moreover, they may treat you like dirt or ignore you when other people are around.

Again, get rid of these losers!

4. Fake friends only want to be with you in private.

This means that they’re probably ashamed to be seen with you. They’re all over you when it’s just the two of you.

However, in public or when others are around, they ignore you and act like they don’t know you. Again, get rid of these no-counts.

5. You make all the effort in the friendship or relationship.

You are always the one to initiate contact, do all the calling, all the texting, and messaging. Also, you make all the visits to their house, using your car gas and your time. However, they never reciprocate.

This can get exhausting. At some point, you find yourself wondering if they really care.

Therefore, it’s time to stop making so much effort and let them do some of the work if they want to contact you. and if they don’t, there’s your answer. Find better friends.

6. Fake friends take and never give.

They only use you for what they can get from you, then disappear when you’re the one in need. Again, this is so revealing. Have nothing more to do with them..

7. They never tell the truth.

If you find that a friend has been lying to you, you have to wonder what else they will lie about. Therefore, it’s time to start choosing friends who are honest and let these people go!

8. They’re jealous of you when things are going well for you.

If your friends resent your achievements and successes, it’s time to cut ’em loose. You deserve friends who celebrate your successes with you, not ones who are green with jealousy and see you as competition.

9. Fake Friends get angry when you talk to your other friends or a family member.

This is a huge red flag! A true friend would never want to keep you all to themselves. True friends won’t block you from associating with other people who love you.

In fact, they would want others to love you too. Moreover, any friend who feels insecure any time you talk to someone else is not good for you. Get away from them, pronto!

10. They have nothing to say to you… until you Unintentionally piss them off.

Some people claim to be with you. However, you never hear a peep from them until you trigger them somehow.

Then suddenly, the floodgates fly open and all the hate and resentment rushes forth like a raging torrent. Be glad because this is how you know they were never for you to begin with.

Now you can weed them out before they do even further damage. Therefore, know your worth and get rid of those who don’t.

11. Fake friends always disappear when you’re in trouble and need them the most.

They’ll leave you to fend for yourself when bullies come for you. Additionally, they may not be supportive when you’re having a rough time. For example, fake friends do not visit when you’re sick or be there for you when you’re feeling low.

Again, dead giveaway. Steer clear!

If you see any of these signs, get rid of them…fast! This person should be about as welcome in your life as a turd in a swimming pool!

You owe it to yourself to let these leeches go!

12. They Take Sides with your bullies and people who abuse you.

If you friends defend the wrong people against you, realize that they were never even worth knowing. They only proved to you that they’re worthless and can never be trusted.

Your fake friends may have defended your bullies because they were afraid of being targeted themselves. However, that doesn’t matter. True friends stick up for you no matter what it may cost them.

Therefore, the last thing you want is a bunch of wimps for friends. I know it hurts when someone you thought so highly of suddenly throws you under the bus!

Believe me, I’ve been there.  Betrayal by people you think highly of is the most painful part of being a victim of bullying.

However, as painful as it is, you need to realize that not everyone is worth your time. Not everyone deserves your friendship.

So, when people turn against you, understand that it’s only the trash taking itself out!

Therefore, what you want are strong and brave friends- friends with substance! You want friends with the cajones to have your back and tell the bullies to go take a long walk off a short pier!

13. Fake friends will believe any lies and rumors about you.

Anyone who believes the worst lies about you and turns on you so quickly is NOT your friend. Also realize that they never had much sack, to begin with.

Again, take out the trash and discard them. They’re no good for you!

Therefore, you must weed out all the frauds and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life!

However, here’s one last thought to consider.

Great friends are hard to find. Because the strong and true are few in this world.

Realize that you must be picky when it comes to allowing people in your life. Why? Because, the cold hard truth is that most people really are a bunch of bagless, weak-kneed wusses.

Just as a girl must kiss many frogs to find a prince who’s worthy of her love, a target of bullying must weed through a great many wusses to find people who are worthy of her friendship.

For others to value you, you must first value yourself! And that means loving yourself enough to walk away from people who are worthless to you (i.e., the fake friends who betray you). Moreover, it also means loving yourself enough to be selective of people who come into your life.

This post was all about fake friends and the signs they give you that you must be aware of.

1. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

threatening group

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

4 Comments

‘Want to know the examples of non verbal bullying? Here are the most common examples you need to know about.

examples of non verbal bullying

Bullies know what they’re doing. They know that if they can intimidate you through nonverbal communication, they can do it quietly, without drawing attention to their behavior. Moreover, they know that their victims are more likely to stay silent because if they report it, others are likely to blow them of as sufferers of paranoia.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about all the examples of non verbal bullying,  how to recognize it, and what you can do to counter it.

Once you learn about all these gestures, you will then be able to use your own nonverbals to let your bullies know that you’re not one who’ll be threatened by them. As a result, they will likely leave you alone and go find an easier target.

This post is all about the examples of non verbal bullying, how to recognize them, and what you can do to counter them.

Examples of non verbal bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

Moreover, this type of bullying can occur either at school, in the workplace, or anywhere. Here are a few such subtleties.

So, How do Bullies Use Nonverbal communication to bully you?

1. They lean against your desk, office doorway, car, etc.

Understand that when people lean against an object, they are, in a sense, laying claim to that object. Therefore, when bullies learn against your desk, car, or any object that belongs to you, they are non verbally claiming it as theirs.

Also, they do it to intimidate you and dare you to say or do something about it. So, how do you deal with this?

You handle it simply by telling the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

And you must address this the very first time this occurs.

2. The bully will sit in your chair.

Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair. Also, it’s important that you speak out right then, the first time it happens. Otherwise, the bully will think they can do it again.

Therefore, never let someone get away with this even the first time.

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

The bully may also pick your purse or notebook off your desk, touch your property, etc.

I can’t stress this enough! You must realize that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Therefore, don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

The bully may also walk up to your table in the cafeteria or a restaurant, pluck a morsel of food from your plate and pop it in their mouth without even asking.

Realize that when a bully does this, they are challenging you. Their message is,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Moreover, female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into people’s homes without knocking.

During school or business trips, bullies may go through your luggage and steal money, articles of clothing, anything from you while you’re out of the room. Moreover, if you have multiple bullies, it’ll be difficult for you to confront the thief.

Although you may have a pretty good idea who stole your belongings, you’ll never be able to prove who took them!

Here’s another nugget of truth to think about. When bullies claim ownership of your space and property, it means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

They will violate your personal space.

Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is doing one or more of four things. He is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenge you, or he is trying to provoke a fight.

Therefore, do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

5. They give you threatening glares.

It’s the look bullies give you every time you’re in their line of sight. That stare makes the hairs stand on the back of your neck!

You know the one. It’s that creepy, bone-chilling look bullies give that makes you stop whatever you are doing or clam up when they do it?

Moreover, they look at you so intensely that you feel like you’re under a microscope! What’s even scarier is that the person doing the staring is eerily calm. They’re so still that they don’t move a muscle nor even blink!

Those angry, icy-cold eyes relentlessly bore into you like a hot needle. Those eyes look as if they could jump out at you and attack you at any moment! It reminds you of a wolf standing ever so still and eyeing an antelope, anticipating it’s next meal! Weird, no?

Granted, not all staring is necessarily bad because if a person likes you and has feelings for you, they may also stare, with their pupils dilating and crinkles forming around the eyes every time they look at you.

However, the look bullies give you is much different. Their pupils only constrict, becoming tiny black holes in the irises of their eyes. Their stare is a cold, prolonged “I’m going to kill you” look which stops you cold!

Therefore, if ever you notice anyone looking at you this way, you must return and mirror the glare to intimidate them into taking their eyes off you. And don’t take your eyes off them until they stop looking at you.

Moreover, know that covert/indirect bullies are cowards at heart, and most of the time, all it takes is you returning the stare to make these people go away.

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

How You Respond to Non Verbal Bullying

If someone wants to harm you, they don’t have to come out and tell you. Just the same, if they want you gone, they needn’t tell you to “get the hell out.”

All they must do is glare at you and hope they can intimidate you into leaving. Moreover, your bullies want to make you think you’re about to get hurt.

In a case like this, the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Worse even, others might feel the animosity between you and personal history may ruin an otherwise good day.

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying at a party or get-together and suddenly see your bully locking eyes with you, know that this person is giving you the message that they intend to make your day a really bad one.

You have choices. Either you can turn tail and run, or you can spend the rest of the day avoiding the bully.

how you handle it is your choice.

But wait! Here’s another choice- a better choice! You can smile at the bully, nod your head, then turn your back to them. If you want to be a smart alick, add a wave.

Therefore, you will non-verbally send your own message back to your bully, one that is very clear. You signal that they don’t scare you. You also tell the bully that you have no intentions of running.

Instead, you intend to stay and enjoy yourself with the other people at the shindig. And you will do this whether the bully likes it or not.

Also, you can mirror the bully and reciprocate the body language. In doing this, you let the bully know that you’re willing to stand your ground.

Ouch! This is not the response your bully expected!

In that, you’ve responded to the bully without being aggressive or capitulating to their silent demands that you either cower or leave.

In conclusion:

Let’s summarize.

Bullies use nonverbal means to not only send you a cruel message, but also to make their bullying less obvious to anyone else but you.

Therefore, it’s better not to respond to nonverbal bullying with words. Instead, reflect your own nonverbals back to the bully that signal that you aren’t afraid of her.

Again, nonverbal bullying requires a response that is also nonverbal. And your response should say that you will not cower or run. Instead, you will stick around, ignore the bully, and do your thing.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

2. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

3. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground