how to stop over-explaining yourself

How to Stop Over-Explaining: 9 Powerful Mind-Hacks You Can Use

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‘Want to know how to stop over-explaining? Here are all the mind hacks you need to know about.

how to stop over-explaining

Too many victims of bullying feel that they must explain themselves to everyone. However, some things just don’t need explaining.

Therefore, you shouldn’t explain yourself to people who mean very little to you. That includes bullies and haters.

In this post, you will learn how to stop over-explaining yourself so that you can enjoy more freedom and autonomy.

Once you learn all about these important tidbits, you will no longer feel the need to explain yourself to anyone you don’t owe anything to. As a result, you’ll feel much better about yourself and freer to do your own thing.

This post is all about how to stop over-explaining so that you can free yourself from other people’s ignorance and judgments.

How to Stop Over-Explaining

It’s amazing how we waste so much of our time and energy caring about what others think of us. Moreover, these are usually people whose opinions of us have absolutely no bearing on our lives!

I want you to understand that there will always be people who judge you negatively without knowing you. It’s a part of life.

Moreover, those who say the most are usually the ones who know the least about you. So, why do you place so much value on their opinions? Why do you need to explain yourself to them?

Don’t explain yourself to the wrong people

I can understand if the person means a lot to you. Longing to be accepted is human nature and we’re all hardwired to desire human connection.

Also, it’s good to value opinions of our families, friends, and those who love us and want best for us. Why? Because their opinions of us are credible and we value them.

However, a bully or hater’s opinion isn’t credible. It has no value and shouldn’t matter at all. These people add nothing to your life, they only take from it!

So, again, are people who are of no benefit to you even worth the energy expenditure? Should what they think of you even matter?

And do their meaningless opinions have any bearing on your life? Are they a superior at work or school and do they have the power to determine what happens to us?

If not, then chalk their opinions up as just a bunch of noise that you need to mute. Why? Because they aren’t worthy of any explanations or apologies.

And, if you continue over-explaining yourself to the wrong people, you only make yourself a bigger target to them.

1. How to stop over-explaining:

See your bullies’ opinions as a bunch of drivel.

One of sad things about suffering bullying is that others will always stick their noses in your business. Moreover, if you so much as scratch your nose, they will happily insert their cheap two cents on it.

Therefore, chances are that you’re doing all the research on how to refuse to answer to your bullies.

If nothing else, know this! You do NOT have to explain yourself to anyone. Sure, people have told you this time and time again. But how do you gather the courage to refuse?

2. See your bullies’ unsolicited opinions as tiny power-grabs.

Your bullies are only trying to strip you of your personal power.

Therefore, realize that you don’t have to answer to these ignoramuses. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. And take back your peace of mind.

Again, you don’t have to explain yourself to these pieces of garbage.

Why? Because bullies don’t care what your reasons are. They just want to run their mouths to undermine your autonomy. So, you don’t owe those creeps a damn thing!

3. Your bullies are trying to Bait you into a reaction.

Understand that bullies are playing games with you. Moreover, there’s a psychological payoff to these little mind-games.

Baiting you to react gives your bullies satisfaction, gratification, and a massive rush of power.

To put it simpler, while you’re wasting your breath, trying to explain yourself to your bullies, they’re smiling inside over how easy it was to get you riled up.

They’re getting their kicks off their ability to make you nervous and afraid. Therefore, realize that some things don’t need an explanation and some people don’t deserve one.

4. How to Stop Over-Explaining:

Understand that Explanations are a waste of time and energy

Why? For these reasons.

  • No matter what you say or how you say it, bullies will never believe you.
  • Most people only believe whatever feels convenient.
  • They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Facts may only deter them for the time being. However, your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong.
  • They’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand another explanation later.

Therefore, it’s better just to tell them, up front, that you don’t owe them any explanations. Then, end the confrontation by telling them all to step off before turning your back and walking away.

5. See Your Bullies’ Opinions as a mind-Game.

Realize that your bullies get their thrills from knowing they have you jumping through hoops to prove yourself. Therefore, stop trying so hard to explain yourself to those who aren’t worth pissing on.

Therefore, who are they that you should have to explain anything? Why should you care what they think?

Are they even worth your consideration? They don’t pay your bills. And they don’t sign your paychecks. They damn sure aren’t important to you.

Are they even up to your level? Do they bring anything worthwhile to your life?

Ask yourself these questions and you’ll know the answers. Moreover, you’ll realize that you don’t owe these morons jack shit!

I understand that bullies can be intimidating and threatening. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death.

It’s difficult not to began rattling off when you just want them to go away and leave you in peace. But trust me, they won’t! Remember, bullies and abusers always come back for more!

This bears repeating. It won’t make things better. If anything, the harassment will only get worse because your reaction will only make you an even bigger and easier target.

6. How to Stop Over-Explaining:

See their opinions as a trap!

When your bullies attempt to interact with you, they’ll try to suck you into the explaining trap. And, no matter how you much you explain things, they’ll only pretend not to understand.

In fact, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

Again, most things don’t need an explanation. However, it doesn’t mean bullies won’t try. They’ll do their damnedest to get you to give needless explanations.

And, if you don’t understand how to avoid this trap, they’re have you running on an endless hamster wheel of trying to clear up things that aren’t a big deal.

You’ll only wear yourself out, trying to explain yourself to idiots who aren’t worthy of your time or consideration.

Therefore, realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

7. Realize that your bullies are trying To throw you off-balance

Realize that your bullies only make you explain yourself to keep you on the back foot. They’ll keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give more of them. Understand that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to keep you drowning in an endless sea of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that they really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

What your bullies really want is to throw you off-balance. In other words, they want to bamboozle you and keep you engaging with them.

8. How to Stop Over-Explaining:

Understand that They can use your explaining To gather ammunition they can fire back at you later

‘You see? The longer your bullies can keep you interacting with them, the more they can reshape the things you say. They can then use them as proverbial bullets to fire at you later.

And they may use it tomorrow, or even years later.

You must realize that your bullies will retain very clear memories of what you say. And they’ll store it all up in the back of their minds, just in case it becomes useful ammo in their arsenal.

For example, you set a boundary by refusing to speak to your bullies and they ask you, “Why won’t you talk to us?”

You respond by pointing out all the abuse they’ve dealt you. Then, your bullies come back with, “And when did we do that?” Therefore, they entice you to explain when that was.

9. Know that They Only get you to explain yourself just To trip you up.

When bullies dupe you into explaining yourself, you’re likely to be emotional. Moreover, any time you become emotional, your logical brain shuts down and you aren’t able to think straight.

Therefore, you probably won’t be able to keep your story straight. And this will be no matter how truthful it is. But, understand that this is what your bullies are hoping for.

How to Stop Over-Explaining:

So, what are the best ways to respond?

And how do you respond with strength? There are several ways.

For instance, if your bullies ask you, “What did we ever do to you?” you don’t have to offer any explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.” Then, keep it moving.

Moreover, you want to walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curve-ball. Therefore, say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Understand that you owe them nothing, and I mean nothing, more than that! This bears repeating. You don’t have to explain any damn thing to anyone.

Here’s another example. You confront your bullies over something bad they did to you. Then, they ask you, “Really? When did we do so-and-so to you?”

All you have to say is, “You know when it happened,” or “You know when you did it.” Then, simply walk away without looking back.

Again, the trick is to make your response as curt and short as possible. Use as few words as you possibly can. And take a rude tone of voice when you say it.

Sometimes, you have to embarrass your bullies to make them back off.

For instance, when they ask you to explain why you got smart with them, you can ask them, “What are you, five!”

This is a great comeback! Not only are you not allowing those creeps to manipulate you, you’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

Moreover, if you’re in public, all the better! With this response, you’re not only calling the bullies out, you’re making them look like punks!

You can also ask them, “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

This comeback is good because, again, it shames the bullies and makes them look like complete idiots. Moreover, it takes their curve-ball question and turns it into a foolish one.

Therefore, you win!

Therefore, you must realize that when bullies pretend not to understand, this is a golden opportunity for you. It’s the perfect opening for you to turn it around on them and hit them in the gut with it.

However, most victims miss this opportunity because of fear and high emotions. But, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up over it. It isn’t your fault. This happens to the best of us.

Moreover there isn’t a lot of information out there on how to respond to these types of tricks.

How to Stop Over-Explaining:

Sometimes, It’s best not to respond at all.

Some things just don’t need an explanation.

Therefore, if your bullies try to get you to explain yourself, you can just keep walking and pay them no mind. However, be advised. This doesn’t always work.

But, you’ll come out ahead because you understood that over-explaining isn’t necessary. And you didn’t fall into the explaining trap.

In closing:

So, what will happen when you figure out what your bullies are doing?

Once you figure out where all this bullshit comes from, your bullies’ mind-games will no longer affect you. You’ll get bored with all their shenanigans.

Then, you’ll only blow them off with a “whatever,” and keep it moving.

Therefore, you’ll feel much better. And the icing on the cake is that you’ll take the wind out of the bullies’ sails. Moreover, you won’t be any fun to them anymore.

Then, your bullies will finally leave you alone and find some one else to toy around with.

 Therefore, stop thinking you have to explain yourself to those who aren’t worth your time. And stop caring what other people think.

Realize that you deserve so much better. Command the respect you deserve. And if that means you walk away and sever ties with toxic people, then, so be it.

You’re better off without them. So, do whatever you must do to take back your power and your peace of mind.

This post was all about how to stop over-explaining so that you can make yourself less a victim and take back your personal power and your peace of mind.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

2. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

4.  How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

bullying journal articles

Bullying Journal: 8 Reasons You Should Keep One

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‘Want to know the importance of a bullying journal and why you should keep one? Here are all the reasons you should keep a journal of the attacks if you suffer bullying.

bullying journal

If you’re a victim of bullying, it can have long-term, devastating effects on your life. Sadly, school officials, corporate managers, parents and even law enforcement still can’t fully comprehend the daily torment victims endure.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why it’s crucial that you keep a daily bullying journal and document everything.

Once you learn all about the reasons for keeping one, you will be more proactive in ensuring your safety.

This post is all about the importance of keeping a bullying journal so that you can do your own investigation and build your own case against your bullies.

Bullying Journal

Journals are one of the best ways for you to get evidence of bullying.

Moreover, you especially need one if the bullying becomes physical and you need medical attention. Therefore, here are all the reasons this documentation is important to have.

1. Bullying is Hard to Prove.

Bullies are experts at acting charming and polite in front of other people. However, they do this to hide their bad behavior. This is why people often don’t believe you when you report the bullying.

In fact, they may blame you. They may ask what you did to make the bully attack you.

Why? Because the bully will only rationalize and explain away their bad behavior. Moreover, they’ll make it sound like you asked for it.

‘You see? Bullies are very convincing liars. They’re experts at turning others against you. Thus, you should always keep written documentation of their abuse.

Here’s another reason bullying is so difficult to prove.

Bullies often disguise their behavior as harmless jokes and teasing. Therefore, people in authority probably won’t take it very seriously when you report it.

They’ll just think that you’re too sensitive and need to lighten up.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Bullies are experts at making you look like the bad guy.

This goes back to number one. However, it bears repeating. Bullies can charm the panties off a nun. Here are ways they charm people in authority and make their lies sound so believable.

Many bullies use good looks and impeccable dressing to impress others. In this, they use the halo effect, to their advantage. The Halo Effect is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

Also, bullies will use your emotions against you. Let’s face it, being bullied can turn you into an emotional mess. Therefore, if you react to bullying with intense anger or crying, bullies will put on a calm and collected demeanor.

As a result, you’ll come off looking unhinged. And people in authority will take the bullies’ word over yourself. Why? Because of the calm, cool front they put up.

Moreover, while looking calm, they’ll point out your emotional reaction and twist it to convince everyone that you’re unstable.

Bullies will also play the victim and burst into tears to gain sympathy from other people.

Seasoned bullies are master wordsmiths. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Most Schools and Workplaces Protect Bullies.

If your bullies are high performers, they’re able to impress teachers, principals, and supervisors. Therefore, it’s likely that reporting them won’t help

In fact, it might make things worse.

Understand that schools and workplaces look out for their own interests. Therefore, if your bullies impress them or make them look good, you’re screwed.

It’s not uncommon for schools or workplaces to cover up incidences of bullying. The reasons they do this is to protect their precious reputations.

Moreover, they may like the bullies, a lot! So, they’ll hide bullying to protect them as well. There are countless stories of schools retaliating against bullied kids for opening their mouths.

For example, the school might contact Child Protective Services and send them to their homes to break up their families.

Remember that school officials, mainly school board members, are elected officials.

3. IT Gives You Evidence to present in court or tribunals.

The school or company may tell you that they’ll investigate the bullying. However, they either won’t do it at all or they’ll do a sloppy investigation.

Also, here’s another thing you need to think about. Any investigations they conduct will be geared toward keeping their own asses out of hot water, not to protect you.

Therefore, you must be your own detective and build your own case. Keeping a bullying journal is one of the ways you can do this.

In fact, journals are the best way you can gather evidence of bullying.

4. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

It Establishes a pattern of the bullying events.

To establish a pattern, you must write in your journal every day. Even if you have days when the bullies leave you alone, which will probably be rare, write those days down too.

This will prove how often these people bully you and will provide prove of that if the bullying is severe and ritualistic.

5. Documenting the bulling gives you a voice.

In other words, it gives you equal say when no one else listens to you. By documenting the abuse, you can tell your side without being ignored or having their experiences trivialized by the bully or anyone else.

Journals cannot trivialize your experiences. Moreover, they can’t invalidate your suffering in any way. Journals are also confidential. Therefore, they’re the safest.

If you’ve tried telling a staff member how people bully you, only for them to silence or blame you, you owe it to yourself to document the harassment in your daily journal.

In short, if you can’t talk about it, write about it! It will probably be the only outlet you have.

6. Your story will be more credible.

Writing your bullying journal is a clear, legible, and organized manner helps you to keep your story straight. Therefore, you’ll look more credible to anyone who’s in a position to help you.

When you’re emotional from all the bullying you suffer, you’re more likely to forget important parts of what happened.

Also, emotions may cause you to ramble when you explain what’s been happening. And, the last thing you want to do is start rambling when you’re trying to report bullying.

The reason for this is that high emotions block your ability to think straight. But if you have your journal, you’ll be more likely to stay calm and tell the entire story.

7. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

It’s Admissible in Court.

Keeping a journal gives you a legal record of the bullying. Therefore, In case the bully hurts you badly enough to send you to the hospital, you’ll have your journal to present to law enforcement.

Moreover, if you have to go to court, you can use the journal as evidence of bullying.

8. It’s good therapy for you.

Keeping a journal is cathartic and therapeutic. It allows you to express the emotions you can’t show any other way.

What to do and what NOT to Do When You Journal

 When you document bullying in your journal, you must think about the quality of the information. Here’s what not to do when documenting in your bullying journal.

1. Don’t be Vague.

Write down everything in detail. Record the what, who, when, where, why, and how. Also, avoid using subjective language. And never write down your conclusions of the bullying that’s been happening.

Examples of vague statements include,

  • She made me feel humiliated.
  • He embarrassed me in front of everyone.
  • He physically assaulted me.
  • They isolated me from everyone.

Focus on what happened and the bullying behaviors you encountered, not what you feel! For example, what do the bullies do? What did they say to you? Write down your bullies’ exact words, complete with quotation marks.

For instance, if a bully got in your face and slapped you, include that in your journal. Those are the bullying behaviors you need to describe. If they yelled at you, cursed you out, and threatened you, write that down too. Be sure to write down exactly what they said to you.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Do Stick to the facts.

In other words, avoid any primal responses. Keep the inflammatory language to a bare minimum. Now’s not the time for emotional writing. Just share what they did to you in the tiniest details possible.

3. Use the 5W Rule (what, who, when, where, why, and sometimes How). 

Again, write down what happened in full detail. Also, record the names of those present when the attack took place. Write down the names of bullies, bystanders, teachers, EVERYONE!

Record the time, date and place the altercation occurred. Do this with every incident that takes place. Leave nothing out!

Even if the attacks are minor, you must still record it in your journal. For example, if the confrontation is verbal, write it down.

Why? Because verbal aggression often precedes a physical one.

In Closing:

I can’t stress this enough! Keeping a journal can be the difference between people listening to you or blowing you off.

Therefore, keep very detailed records of any taunts, threats and altercations no matter how small they may seem.

Also, write everything down while it’s fresh in your mind. The last thing you want to do is procrastinate and end up forgetting a few important details.

Write your daily journal in secret. This should go without saying. You wouldn’t want anyone to see it.

Bullies are known to destroy property and rummage through your belongings. Therefore, keep your journal in a safe place. If you worry about the wrong people finding it and snooping through it, keep your journal at home.

But write in it as soon as you get home, while your memory of the days events are still fresh. The sooner you record, the better.

Keeping a bullying journal is crucial when people bully you. Don’t depend on anyone else to do an investigation for you. Do your own. Gather your own evidence.

Build your own case. It could save your life.

This post is all about why you should keep a daily bullying journal so that you can gather your own evidence and build a rock solid case against your bullies and the people in power who allow them to abuse you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal 

2. Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying 

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

walking away from fake friends at work

Walking Away from Fake Friends

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‘Want to know why walking away from fake friends is the best thing you can do for yourself? Here are all the details you need to know about.

walking away from fake friends

Having pure enemies is better than having fake friends. Why? Because with an enemy, you know where you stand with them.

However, fake friends are worse than enemies because they get close enough to you to get you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why walking away from fake friends is smart so that you won’t feel guilty about it.

Once you learn all about these important reasons, you will be able to walk away with confidence instead of guilt.

This post is all about walking away from fake friends so that you won’t beat yourself up when it’s time to say adios to imposters.

Walking Away from Fake Friends

Ditching those you thought were your friends can be a difficult thing to do. Why? Because there are feelings of guilt involved. Moreover, you might be afraid of being alone and friendless.

However, if you have friends who are stabbing you in the back and trying to sabotage you in life, it’s the wisest thing you can do.

Don’t drink dirty water because you’re thirsty.

You might look at the title of this post and think, “Well, duh!” So, let me put it another way.

Just because you’re thirsty doesn’t mean you have to drink dirty water. Even if it seems that dirty water is all that’s available.

In other words, don’t let loneliness cause you to go back to toxic people just because good people are hard to find.

“Settling for toxic friends because you’re lonely is like drinking dirty water because you’re thirsty.” – Cherie White –

When you finally get enough of being used and abused by fake friends and decide to walk away, you may be alone for a while. In fact, life may put you to the test to see if you’re really and truly done with those creeps.

Even worse, life may decide to drag it out over a few weeks or months just to test your strength. This happens to many victims of bullying. They may ditch the fakes who only pretended to be their friends.

Afterwards, they may be friendless. And they may wait a little while. However, eventually they cave in and go back to the same assholes who treated them so badly.

You may do the same thing.

You may allow your frenemies to sweet-talk you back into the friendship. However, what happens once you go back?

Walking Away from Fake Friends:

Patience is a Must!

It’s true that these fakes may be extra friendly. They treat you well for a few days, weeks, or maybe even a month. However, they will eventually go back to treating you like crap again.

Why? Because they see the second chance you gave them as weakness. To them, it’s evidence that you were only bluffing when you broke off the friendship.

You only look desperate, or, as the kids say today, “thirsty.” And ewww! That’s not a good look at all! Cringe is what it is!

Therefore, these fakers only lose respect for you and no longer take you seriously. Even worse, if you get tired of the abuse again and walk away a second time, they’ll only look at each other and say, “She’ll be back. She just needs time to cool off.”

There’s a reason for the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I’m all for giving second chances, don’t get me wrong. Why?

Because people screw up from time to time. However, you should use judgement when doing so. Who is it that you’re giving the chance to?

And have they blown any chances you’ve given in the past? This is very important!

Don’t Give Chances to Those Who Only Abuse Them

Again, second chances are fine. Just make sure you don’t end up giving them a third chance, fourth chance, and so on. Moreover, realize that there are instances when even a second chance isn’t deserved.

Why? Because there are some things you just can’t come back from. So, if you decide to give another chance, make this your rule of thumb.

Walking Away from Fake Friends:

The Second Chance is the last chance!

The second chance is always the last chance. If they blow that chance, that’s it and it’s on them.

When it comes to situations such as this, you must stick to your guns. Otherwise, your fake friends, your bullies, and others who are around to see it will only use you as a cat toy.

Therefore, when you get rid of imposters, do it and mean it! Do it with the presumption that you may have to wait a spell before better friends find you.

Then stick it out! Wouldn’t you rather be by yourself rather than with people who only use and abuse you?

If you’re going to be alone anyway, it might as well be for a damn good reason. Because nothing feels worse than being alone in a group!

So, the next time you get fed up with shabby treatment and decide to walk, don’t let loneliness cause you to go back to toxic assholes.

Be patient and wait it out! I promise you that better people will come along eventually. Dry spells don’t last forever.

If you hold true to yourself and stick it out, you will have better friends. And they will be people who are worth your time and consideration- people who deserve to have you in their lives.

Walking Away from Fake Friends:

Choose Quality over quantity

I have only a small circle of friends and associates and I like it that way. I’d much rather only five true friends than to have a million fake ones.

And the truth is that you can have millions of frenemies and fair-weather friends who don’t value you as much as you deserve to be valued and still be lonely. You are no better off than you’d be if you had no friends at all.

But you can have only one friend, two friends, three or five, true friends who genuinely love you, enjoy being around you, and have your back and never feel abandoned.

Quantity is always zero without quality.

You can own a hundred houses, but it does not mean you’re rich. If your hundred houses are all infested with termites, rats, and cockroaches; and about to fall apart, do you really have anything of value?

A hundred cars don’t make a dealership if they’re all old beaters that don’t run. No. What you have is a junkyard.

The same goes with the friends you keep around. You can have thousands of friends but if they all treat you like crap, never have your back, and bail out at the first sign of trouble, they aren’t worth a damn, and you should ditch and switch.

Pick friends who know your worth and who earn the privilege of being in your life.

Signs of Fake Friends

You must add value to yourself and that means that your time and your friendship must come at a cost. And that cost is reciprocation.

If a so-called friend constantly gives you shabby treatment, you must immediately withdraw your friendship. Tell that person to take a walk and to not even look back. That’s how you add value to yourself.

You must teach others how they should treat you.

I realize that it won’t be easy to walk away, especially if you endure bullying and your toxic, fake friends seem to be the only options you have.

Nobody wants to be lonely and friendless. However, wouldn’t you rather be by yourself than to be friends with a bunch of sorry pieces of shit who only let you down? I know I would!

Walking Away from Fake Friends:

Know your worth.

You must know your worth. Know that you deserve more than the crumbs you’ve been getting. Moreover, know that you can have true friends if you ditch these creeps.

Think of it like this: You’re getting rid of them to make room for the better friends you’re about to meet. I’m not saying that you won’t be friendless for a while because you just might be.

And, if you must wait, here are a few things you can do to lift your spirits while you wait:

  • Dive into your hobbies.
  • Spend time with family and friends.
  • Do the things you enjoy doing.
  • Exercise.
  • Treat yourself to a pampering session- get a spa treatment, go on a trip to the beach, etc.

There are so many things you can do that will put a smile on your face. Only you know what they are. Self-care is so important during times like these.

But I promise you. You will meet better people and you will make better friends. And once you do, they will be worth the wait! Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

And always remember. Quality over quantity!

Signs of Fake Friends and what you should do

Nefarious people are experts at hiding their evil. And they do it under the cover of concern and love. Bullies and fake friends are such people.  However, it can be difficult to spotlight them.

After they’ve harmed you, you’re often left shocked and bewildered.

Fortunately, there are signs you can look for if you know what they are. Here’s what you can do to spot frenemies, fakes, and undercover bullies.

1. Walking Away from Fake Friends:

Always observe the people around you.

But do it without looking like you’re watching, of course. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment.

Once you do this, you’ll quickly pick up on their moods and sense the elephant in the room (if there is one).

2. Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context.

Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with words, background, or the situation and shows even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Watch for micro flashes.

If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it or when they think you aren’t aware of it. There are good actors; don’t get me wrong.

However, there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily. And, if you look for it, you’ll see it.

When you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut.

Don’t ignore that because you aren’t only imagining things! Eighty-six these creeps fast!

4. Walking Away from Fake Friends:

Notice the person’s feet

You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think.

Put some distance between you and that person.

5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person.

If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language. And, they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say.

Therefore, it’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking.

If they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Walking Away from Fake Friends:

Here are other signs you should look for.

If you notice a furrowed brow or one corner of the lip slightly raised, it’s time to ditch this person. Also, if you see an icy, piercing stare, or they’re smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes), it’s a bad sign.

Therefore, you might want to distance yourself.

8. What if they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away?

It’s a red flag. Therefore, you want nothing more to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share

Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly.

In other words, don’t reveal information that’s better off private. And, don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone.

Fakers may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. Watch for eavesdroppers.

If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Don’t talk near corners or open doors.

Why? Because, many times, people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.

And if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private. And, be sure you aren’t being followed.

In order to protect yourself, you must keep your eyes and ears peeled and be an avid people-watcher. Only when you pay attention to other people, will you be able to see behind the masks bullies and fake friends wear.

Here are other ways you can spot fake friends.

This post is all about walking away from fake friends so that you can know when to do it and do it with confidence and without feeling guilty.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friend: 11 Easy Ways to Spot One with Bad Intentions

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. 10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship (And How to Cut Ties)

when bullying gets out of control at school

When Bullying Gets Out of Control: 5 Signs You’re in Danger

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‘What happens when bullying gets out of control? Here are all the signs that you’re in danger.

when bullying gets out of control

When bullying reaches new levels, it can feel as if the abuse has taken on a life of it’s own. This is when things become dangerous really fast.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what to look for when bullying gets out of control.

Once you learn all about these signs and symptoms, you will be compelled to make the appropriate decisions to get out of the situation.

This post is all about what happens when bullying gets out of control so that you can take the necessary steps to ensure your safety.

When Bullying Gets Out of Control

When bullies select a victim to abuse, their bullying tends to escalate quickly. Moreover, it can last for years. In fact, others may join in. After so long, people grow comfortable with abusing you. Therefore, bullying becomes a natural occurrence.

When this happens, bullying can become unstoppable no matter what you do to defend yourself. Moreover, things can become dangerous, even life-threatening if you aren’t aware of the signs.

Here are all the signs that the bullying you suffer has reached dangerous levels.

1. Your Bullies Become Brazen

You’ll notice that your bullies getting cocky. They’ll do their bullying out in the open, for everyone to see.

In fact, they’ll no longer try to hide it. Why? Because they fear no consequences.

Those in positions of power won’t stop the bullying. They have no intentions of protecting you. Therefore, there’s little chance they’ll hold the bullies responsible for their behavior.

Make no mistake! When your bullies bully you in plain sight, in front of peers and authority, it’s a bad sign.

It means that you’re in grave danger. Why? Because, when the abuse reaches this level, there’s no limit to the brutality your bullies will inflict.

When bullying gets out of control, there’s no incentive to stop. Then Bullies quickly become full of themselves.

It’s the same with criminals. When there’s no accountability for wrongdoing, it only emboldens them to do more of it.

And their arrogance only sends these unspoken messages:

  • “We can do whatever we want and there’s nothing you can do.”
  • “Who’s going to stop us?”
  • “Who’s going to help you. You’re ours now.”

Most bullies would stop if they thought someone would hold them accountable. Or, they’d at least try to hide their behavior.

No one wants to have to answer for anything. Moreover, they don’t want the shame and humiliation that comes with it.

Therefore, they either wouldn’t do the bad deeds at all, or they would do their dirt behind closed doors.

Lack of accountability only emboldens bad people.

On the other hand, once a bully has gotten away with it a few times, they catch on that there are no consequences. They get the message that what they’re doing is okay.

Therefore, they have no shame in continuing the behavior.

And once there’s complete impunity, it’s no holds barred. In other words, your bullies are unrestrained in what they could do to you.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re shit out of luck.

it sets a precedent.

It sets a bad standard for people who wouldn’t normally mistreat another person. In that, it encourages them to jump on the bandwagon and bully you too.

Why? Because bystanders notice the bullies getting away with abusing you. Therefore, they’ll think it’s okay to bully you. In fact, they’ll think that it’s the in-thing to do. So, they’ll be more than happy to join in on the torment.

It’s the science of group behavior.

2. When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

Others become Outraged when you stand up for yourself.

When you defend yourself against a bully’s attacks or demands, bullies will often retaliate. Anytime you stand up to bullies, they will often try to get back at you for it. Even bystanders will be pissed at you.

In fact, they either won’t help you or they join in.

Why do bullies become angry when you defend yourself? Because you put them in a weaker position and threaten their power.

Understand that bullies are entitled little twits. They need gratification and satisfaction, and when you refuse to give it to them, they will resent you and desire to punish you for it.

Moreover, it will offend others as well.

Why? Because, once bullying you has become the norm, it’s gone on for a long time. People have grown comfortable with seeing bullies abuse you.

And once people get comfortable with something, they resist anyone that tries to change it.

3. People Believe anything bad about you, no matter how ridiculous the lie may sound.

If you suffer bullying, you’ve probably had bullies tell the most outrageous and ridiculous lies about you. Moreover, the lies may be laughable at best.

And shockingly, everyone in the place will probably believe it! It will seem as if everyone around you is smoking crack.

Why? Because you’ll wonder how they can believe such tripe!

People will believe the big, outlandish lies before they accept the little white lies. For example, others might hear something huge and horrible about a certain person from someone they trust.

Maybe it comes from someone who has a little bit of power. They may feel shock and disbelief at first. However, they’ll eventually believe it.

But, why do they believe it? It’s because the penalty for severe wrongdoing is so big that people don’t want to think that anyone would tell such a big fat lie about someone if there isn’t some truth to it.

When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

IF someone is audacious enough to tell such a bold lie, we’re more likely to believe it.

We cling to the belief that if a person is audacious enough to make such an accusation about another person, then somewhere, there must be evidence to back it up.

Otherwise, they wouldn’t dare make such bold accusations and risk someone proving them wrong!

So, we hold on to the idea that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Moreover, we allow caution and speculation to supersede any logic. And if we expect trouble to come from a specific place, that’s where we’re going to look.

And when we look for a specific thing, we usually find it.

Also, if a lie goes against the target’s character, we’re more likely to believe it. Why? Because any story of hypocrisy has a certain amount of shock value and entertainment to it. That is, as long as the story is about someone else and not us.

We’re more prone to believe a big fat lie because it frightens the crap out of us. Therefore, when people hear a lie so big and outrageous about you, it makes them wonder if they ever really knew you at all.

And the idea that someone they know could do such a horrible thing scares people to death.

4. You will be emotional and people will weaponize it.

Understand that anytime you suffer bullying, you’re at your absolute worst! Anyone would be a total emotional wreck under that kind of pressure.

Anytime a person is bullied by everyone, it doesn’t matter how strong they are. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how brave, how beautiful, nor how awesome their personalities are.

The bullying will eventually exhaust them and take them down.

In other words, if enough people bully you for long enough, you’ll only be able to withstand it for so long. Why? Because you’re only human. And no human being can hold up under that kind of stress for long.

Bullies instinctively know this. Therefore, if they’re determined to break you, they’ll increase the abuse until they get the outcome they want.

You will be overwhelmed with so many emotions. In fact, you’ll have paranoia. And, with good reason!

Therefore, they’ll twist it and make you look unstable.

And, why not? They’ve seen you morph from a cheerful person to a stressed out, hot mess of a train wreck who’s barely able to function.

5. When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

No One Will Help you.

If you’re a kid that other kids bully in school, you know that schools are supposed to protect children. Moreover, some schools do help targets of bullying.

I’ve read quite a few stories with this happy ending. And to those schools, I extend my love and respect.

However, I’ve also read and heard stories in which the school either failed or refused to help the victim. They only sided with the bullies.

I also found this out years ago from experience. Sadly, this ending is much more common than the first.

Therefore, if you are an object of bullying at your school, do take the proper channels to address the problem. Report the bullying to the teacher, principal, or district.

However, if the school does nothing about it, sweeps it under the rug, or worse, blames you, don’t let it surprise you. And don’t let it shock you if you face retaliation not only from the bullies but from school staff as well.

In most cases, schools side with bullies.

Understand that in these cases where the school doesn’t act on your behalf, it is because the school district has their own interests in mind.

Many schools only care about their sports programs. They care about how many points an athlete can score for their team and getting their teams into the playoffs.

Also, they care about how many kids they can send to colleges.

Another thing to consider is that school bullies likely have connections with several local politicians and other high-ranking officials. Also, many bullies excel academically.

Or, they may be are star athletes. Therefore, they make the school look good.

And if a student makes a school look good, why would they hold them accountable for bullying some throw-away kid?

Seasoned bullies also tend to be exceptionally socially intelligent. In other words, they know how to ingratiate themselves into the good graces of teachers and school staff.

Moreover, they’re also wordsmiths who talk a good game. They’re experts at feigning victimhood when you report them. They’re also good at explaining everything away, and rationalizing their bad behavior.

What they’re best at is making you look like the bully. Therefore, you must thing of these things when the school fails to respond to your pleas for help.

This is why you must do your own investigations and gather your own evidence. You must document each bullying incident to the letter and record it if the laws in your area allow.

But don’t give up. Remember. You are worth fighting for!

This post is all about what happens when bullying gets out of control and how to recognize it so that you can can the appropriate steps needed to ensure your safety.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

4. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

gatekeeper bullying in the workplace

Gatekeeper Bullying: 10 Ways Bullies Act as Gatekeepers

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Want to know about gatekeeper bullying? Here are all the ways bullies act as gatekeepers.

gatekeeper bullying

Gatekeepers are those who allow only certain people in and keep others out.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about gatekeeper bullying so that you can recognize it when it happens to you.

Once you learn about this sneaky form of bullying, you will be able to find ways to skirt around the gatekeeper and protect yourself.

This post is all about gatekeeper bullying to give you the signs you need to recognize.

Gatekeeper Bullying

This kind of bullying occurs mainly in the workplace. However, it can happen anywhere, at school, in the neighborhood, or even in the family.

Before we get into this topic, let’s find out what gatekeeping is. Therefore, what is gatekeeping? It is the act of taking control over resources, time, materials, information and chance opportunities.

Again, gatekeeper bullying happens mostly in the workforce. However, it can happen anywhere. Gatekeepers can be individuals or groups. They’re the type of bullies who specialize in letting only certain people in and keep others out of the loop.

As a result, they limit the choices and opportunities of those they deem unworthy and give them all to others. Therefore, understand that gatekeeping is a form of bullying.

Why? Because it’s specifically designed to leave out people the gatekeeper either hates or doesn’t like.

Here are all the ways bullies act as gatekeepers.

Gatekeepers are passive bullies.

Why are they passive? Because they aren’t out there, actively doing things to make their victims’ lives hell. In fact, they don’t have to do anything at all.

The problem is not what they do, it’s what they don’t do. These bullies are passive because they take a more indirect approach. Therefore, they’re much harder to detect.

While other bullies are out there, actively doing bad things to ruin their targets’ lives, gatekeepers do their dirt on the sly.

This is what makes gatekeeper bullying so hard to prove.

The weapons this type of bully uses are their talents, resources, time, materials, and their access to information. Therefore, they have the power to either withhold those things or use them as leverage against you. Also, they have the power to control deadlines.

In doing these things to the people they can’t stand, they create undo stress for them. So, what tactics do these people use against you?

1. Gatekeeper Bullying:

They Withhold resources.

These resources could be money or material like paper and ink cartridges for the printer. ‘You see? Gatekeepers like to bully those who are bold, resourceful, innovative, and creative. And if you’re that type, look out!

Why? Because you threaten them. Therefore, these bullies will withhold resources just to slow you down. And when you ask them where the materials are? They’ll only sweetly reply that they either can’t find them or that they’re running low.

Therefore, they’ll make plausible excuses.

But see this for what it is and the goal behind it. They do this to sabotage you on the job. And it’s designed to make you look incompetent or that you just don’t give a crap.

Without the tools to do your job, you appear to be a bad employee. And, who’s going to believe you when you tell them that Sally didn’t give you the supplies you needed to do your assignment?

If nothing else, know this! These bullies have a vested interest in keeping you out of the loop.

2. Controlling Your Access to Accurate Information.

This person will control your ability to have the information you need to complete a task. They’ll do this by either completely withholding it or only giving you bits and pieces of it.

For instance, they might give you a five-step process to an assignment when the job requires ten steps to complete.

Also, if there’s a company meeting that starts at eight o’clock, the gatekeeper may tell you that the meeting starts at eight-fifteen.

They may even “accidentally” forget to tell you about a mandatory Zoom call. Gatekeepers may also discourage others from helping you out.

And you won’t think to question it because this person has probably worked with the company longer than you have. Therefore, you’re likely to trust them.

Even if you don’t, who’s going to believe you when you tell them that Kathy gave you the wrong information?

You must know the intentions behind it. And the gatekeeper’s objective is to make you look like you can’t do your job.

3. Gatekeeper Bullying:

Giving Unrealistic Deadlines.

For example, these types of bully bosses may give you deadlines that are impossible to reach. Moreover, they might pile so much work on you that you don’t have a chance in hell of getting it done in time.

And, are you likely to question the boss? Would you have the guts to tell him that there’s no way you can make that deadline or complete all that work in time?

And if you did, what do you think the boss would say? He’d likely hit you with a barrage of gaslighting.

Make no mistake! Your boss really doesn’t want you to make that due date. He wants you to fail. Why? Because it makes you look bad.

4. Controlling Opportunities.

This bully will block any chances of advancement. For instance, you may be up for a well-deserved promotion and get passed over. Instead, they may give it to someone who isn’t qualified.

In fact, they’ll give it to anyone who isn’t you. Why? Because if they gave it to you, they would have to admit that you’re damn good at your job.

And when you’re good at your job, you outshine them. Therefore, in order for the boss to look like he’s better than you, he has to make you look like crap.

5. Gatekeeper bullying:

Controlling Your Life-Chances.

These bullies might throw a monkey wrench in your life-chances. So, what are life chances?

According to EBSCO Research Starters, they “refer to the probabilities of opportunities to individuals in society, influencing their potential for success and upward mobility.

Gatekeepers love to control your life chances and keep you stuck. Why? Because it gives them a rush of power. Also, it keeps them on top.

So, how do they do it? They do it by giving a potential employer a bad reference when you leave the toxic workplace.

Therefore, how do you protect yourself from an undeserved bad reference? You do it by just putting in your resignation, fulfilling the conditions of your two-weeks notice, and getting the hell out of Dodge!

Also, if possible, you don’t put them down as a reference. I know this sounds dishonest. However, if you quit a workplace you were bullied in, it’s never a good idea to even let on to a new company that you ever worked for them.

Because workplace bullies will find ways to block you from future employment if they get the opportunity to do so. Therefore, it’s best not to give them that chance.

6. Destroying Your Chances of Success.

This is what their shenanigans are all about. To keep you from having any successes. Again, the bully’s entire mission is to set you up to fail.

They trip you up, then stand back and smile as they watch you fall on your face. And they pat themselves on the back for a job well-done.

They’ve contained the threat and now they can breathe easier and work in peace, knowing that their little corner is safe again.

7. Gatekeeper Bullying:

Excluding you from meetings, classes, and workplace social functions.

These bullies will also conveniently forget to tell you about any meetings or social gatherings. Moreover, they’ll make sure no one else tells you either.

Why? They do it simply to make you feel like you don’t belong there. Also, they do it to make success feel like it’s out of reach.

8. Adding more steps than needed to do your job.

Bullies may tell you that your job requires more steps than it really does. Understand that they do this to slow you down.

Why? Because you just might make that deadline and upstage them. Trust me when I say this. These people will pull out all the stops to keep you from finishing tasks.

9. They distract you from your work.

Workplace bullies deliberately distract you from your projects with constant interruptions, which are time-consuming. Why? Because they know that if they can stall you, they may cause you to miss a deadline.

Moreover, they may call your office phone with constant memos and reminders. But realize that it’s all a ploy to throw you off your game.

10. Gatekeeper Bullying:

Giving you meaningless or degrading assignments.

Bully bosses will often take you off you regular work assignments and give you degrading or subservient jobs. For instance, they may select you to clean the office bathrooms.

Also, they may designate you to make coffee runs for everyone else. Or he may give you the task of serving coffee to the rest of the team.

You might even be tasked with emptying all the trash.

However, see this for what it is. He’s doing it to degrade you. In other words, he’s demoting you, only without making it official.

In closing

If you recognize three or more of these signs and they occur repeatedly, it might be time to quietly begin looking for new employment.

You won’t to create an exit plan early in the game. Why? So that you can get out before the bullying has time to do any lasting damage to your mental health.

You must do what you can to protect yourself.

This post is all about gatekeeper bullying on the job so that you can recognize it when it happens to you, cut your losses, and quietly find new employment.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

2. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

3. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

how to stop a bully at work

How to Stop a Bully: 9 Powerful Hacks You Can Use

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‘Want to know how to stop a bully? Here are the mind hacks you need to know about.

how to stop a bully

If you don’t learn the tricks to stop them in their tracks, bullies will continue to steamroll you until you have no self-esteem left.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stop a bully by using clever mind hacks almost no one thinks about.

Once you learn all about these mental tips and tricks, you will be better able to more confidently counter bullies each time they attack.

This post is all about how to stop a bully so that you can spare your self-esteem and dignity from being raked over the coals.

How to Stop a Bully

To stop a bully from bullying you doesn’t only take physical strength. It takes a lot of mental power as well. Remember that bullies are mostly bluff.

To call their bluff, you must know what to expect and be ready for it. Therefore, before we get into the hacks, let’s first talk about the reactions you should expect from your bully and where it comes from.

7 Things That Happen When You Call a Bully’s Bluff

When you finally stand up to a bully and call out their abuse, these are the reactions you should expect.

1. They’ll try to avoid the subject.

They’ll change the subject to an irrelevant topic. Moreover, they’ll do it while appearing to be busy doing a task. Females are notorious for this trick.

2. They’ll become irate and go on a tirade.

They may even yell and curse at you. They may turn it back on you and accuse you of having paranoia. Moreover, they may call you mentally unstable, a crybaby, or any other label that discredits you.

However, realize that anyone who becomes this defensive only looks desperate and afraid. Know that this is just another dead giveaway.

Why? Because most bullies get highly defensive when they’re afraid they’re busted. They will get loud. They will scream, yell, and pound their fists, curse, and swear when they fear exposure.

However, don’t let this scare you because the dramatics and theatrics they display only mean that the bullies are desperate!

3. How to Stop a Bully:

They will lay guilt trips on you.

For instance, if a fake friend is stabbing you in the back and you call them out on it, you’re likely to hear the following.

“Well, if you were my friend, you wouldn’t believe XYZ”

“If you were a true friend to me, you wouldn’t even question my loyalty.”

Don’t buy that garbage. The person is just trying to make you feel guilty. Or they’re trying to intimidate you into silence.

If your so-called friend was the only person you told any secrets to, then you can bet that they’re guilty. Moreover, if enough people tell you that the person is saying things behind your back, they’re likely telling the truth.

4. They will escalate the harassment.

Bullies do this to either punish you or intimidate you and shut you down. Again, understand that the bully is afraid of being exposed and facing accountability.

Moreover, they fear losing face. So, your bully will stop at nothing to silence you.

5. They will justify themselves.

  • “If you didn’t always make trouble, I wouldn’t have had to hurt you!”
  • “If you weren’t so ditzy, I wouldn’t give you such a hard time!”
  • “You made me do it because you always do this when you should do that!”
  • “If you would just do this, I wouldn’t have to do that!”
  • “You won’t shut up, so you deserve it!”

Again, don’t believe a word of it! Continue calling them out. You must protect yourself by speaking just as loud and with just as much conviction as the bully.

Therefore, make plenty of noise because the wheel that squeaks loudest gets the grease!

6. How to Stop a Bully:

The bully will slander you.

Again, understand that this bully is afraid of being exposed. Therefore, they spread rumors and lies to discredit you.

Also, they do it to distract others from their appalling behavior by making you look bad. ‘You see?If the bully can make you look bad and turn everyone else against you, they reap several benefits.

  • The bully can intimidate you into silence and avoid any future risks of exposure.
  • They can discredit you.
  • The bully can make themselves look like the victim and gain sympathy from other people.
  • They can successfully cut you off from any support you might otherwise receive.
  • The bully gets the green light to bully you again later.
  • They get to move up the social ladder and win more friends and allies.
  • The bully gets the satisfaction of maintaining power, domination, and control over you.

Like the old quote goes, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.”

Slander is designed to protect bullies from being exposed and shift blame onto you. People have used this tactic since the beginning of time!

So, don’t shut up no matter what! Continue to call out the bullies’ behavior!

7. They’ll stop talking to you and begin talking about you.

If you have a bully who’s a fake friend and you bust them, they’ll stop talking to you. However, once they quit talking to you, they’ll talk about you to justify themselves to others.

Here is what they’ll likely tell them.

  • “She’s unstable.”
  • “He’s just mad because I called him out!”
  • “She’s so fake.”
  • “She’s too sensitive.”
  • “She doesn’t want to admit when she’s wrong.”
  • “I was just trying to help them.”
  • “She’s just jealous of me because… ”

Again, this person is exposing themselves through their behavior. Therefore, see this as a giveaway and have no more to do with them.

How to Stop a Bully:

Here are all the hacks you can use.

1. See your bullies’ most vicious attacks as a sign of fear and desperation.

Have you ever wondered why bullies are so aggressive with you when they could care less about you? When someone doesn’t care a lick about you, they show no emotion, positive or negative. In other words, they’re indifferent.

However, when the bully is aggressive, it shows that they are bothered by something about you. It could be something you said, did, or conveyed. In fact, it may be your very presence that bothers the person.

Whatever the case may be, there’s something about you that’s motivating the attacks. However, realize this.

It’s not that they care one iota about you. What they do care about is the possibility of your taking your power back from them. The bully is also afraid of you becoming independent of their opinions of you.

Most bullies go into panic mode when you stand up to them. Moreover, they really lose it when you stand up to them confidently.

This is because your bullies are scared to death that they’re losing power over you. Any time you call a bully’s bluff, you automatically put them in the weaker position.

Bullies know this and it drives them batty!

2. How to Stop a Bully:

Maintain a healthy and positive sense of self.

Don’t lose sight of your worth. Find ways to maintain your confidence. And, how you do this is to know what motivates your bully to attack you.

Knowing why your bullies do what they do is the best way to preserve a healthy self-esteem when you’re under siege.

3. Refuse to accept your bullies’ definition of you.

And this goes no matter how powerful or influential they may seem. After all, they’re only people just like you.

To accept someone else’s definition of you, you must first discard your own. When you allow bullies to dictate your inner reality, you lose bits and pieces of yourself.

Also, little by little, you lose the awareness of your emotions each time you allow them to do it. Then, you eventually grow numb.

Many targets fall for the garbage bullies feed them because there’s more to countering the attacks than words or fists. It also takes mind power.

Therefore, never let anyone else define you. Stop caring what people think.

Bullies may think they know you and they may attempt to define who you are. But only you know the definition of who you are.

By trying to tell you who you are, your bullies attempt to force you to replace your definition of yourself with theirs. Moreover, they try to play God.

So, stop allowing your bullies fool you into thinking that they know you better than you know yourself.

4. How to Stop a Bully:

Stand up to bullies, even if you’re afraid to.

When a bully tries to tell you what you are, you can stand with confidence and say, “No, I’m not. You are.” Then, you can walk away with more pride in yourself because you stood up to them.

Moreover, if the bully challenges you to a fist fight, don’t back down. There’s nothing wrong with hitting back if someone strikes you first.

Even if someone doesn’t hit you and gets in your face, you must assume that they’re getting ready to physically attack you. In this situation, offense is the best defense.

Knock the ever-loving hell out of them.

5. Have a clear vision of your value as a human being.

Know beyond a shadow of a doubt who you are and that you’re a great person who doesn’t deserve shabby treatment.

This means having a crystal-clear understanding of who you are. Moreover, it means know what you will and will not put up with.

6. Keep company only with strong people who are positive influences in your life.

Only associate with people who consistently validate and affirm your positive qualities. Keep company with those who know the good you bring to this world.

On the other hand, refuse to have anything to do with those who are toxic. Any time someone makes you feel bad, walk away and stay away.

It’s okay to be selective in who you let into your life. This is how you protect your mental health from unsavory people.

7. How to Stop a Bully:

Hold onto your principles and convictions.

Hold onto your standards. Moreover, stand up for your beliefs, and convictions. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. And do it boldly and confidently.

Don’t be afraid to think critically. In short, have the courage to be different.

This is how you protect your mind from bullies. Your mind and your thoughts are free! Keep them that way!

8. Trust your gut.

Listen to your gut feeling because it will always tell you the truth. Therefore, if something doesn’t feel good, your gut will tell you.

Remember that the sensations of the body never lie. And when something feels off about a person, move away from them.

This is one of the ways you protect yourself from bullies.

9. Set and enforce your boundaries.

This goes back to number four. Set your boundaries. Then, enforce those boundaries if a bully ever crosses them.

If a bully verbally attacks you, don’t ignore it. Counter that attack with a good burn so that the bully thinks twice before messing with you again.

And if they physically attack you, haul off and knock them on their ass.

However, staying strong physically is only part of the battle. Maintaining a strong mind is the very foundation of self-defense and protection. Put them together and you’ll be able to stop a bully from ever bullying you again.

This post is all about how to stop a bully and all the ways to do it so that you can protect your self-esteem and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

the impacts of bullying at work

The Impacts of Bullying: 10 Negative Outcomes on Victims

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‘Want to know the impacts of bullying on your life? Here are all the negative outcomes you’ll face if you aren’t careful.

the impacts of bullying

It’s true that bullying undermines your confidence. However, the impacts go much deeper.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the impacts of bullying that you probably haven’t thought about and other reasons it’s important that you protect yourself against bullies.

Once you learn all the deeper issues it causes, you will be more compelled to guard your mental health against bullies.

This post is all about the impacts of bullying and all the deeper issues it causes so that you can beware and be aware.

The Impacts of Bullying

Although bullying can crush your self-esteem and instill fear into you. The consequence go much deeper. It can actually rewire your brain, therefore brainwashing you in nefarious ways.

Here are all the other negative things bullying does to your mental health.

1. Bullying Conditions You to accept Bigger and More Severe Abuses.

Bullies start with subtle attacks. In fact, the assaults are so subtle that if you don’t watch out, you won’t even notice it. This is called gradualism and incrementalism.

In other words, bullies begin by taking teeny-weeny bites out of your self-esteem. It happens drop by drop. They take it up ever so slowly, step by itsy-bitsy step.

Again, they escalate their bullying so slowly and so tiny that it isn’t noticeable. However, you may feel that something is off when you interact with these people.

You may notice that something doesn’t feel too good but you can’t quite put a finger on it. It’s that subtle!

But here’s your first clue.

The Impacts of Bullying:

Your body will know if you pay attention to it.

When you meet your bullies for the first time, you will pick up some pretty creepy vibes from them. Moreover, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach.

You’ll sense something about these creeps that feels “off.” And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

You’ll sense your bullies watching your every move. They’ll scope you out, studying you like a specimen.

You may look up from whatever you’re doing or turn around and happen to see them of the corner of your eye. These people will be eyeing you from a distance.

Then you,ll see them look at each other and smirk. And you’ll notice that eerie twinkle in their eyes. You might even see a micro-flash or two of contempt.

Don’t ignore this!

Understand that these bullies are sizing you up. In other words, they’re probing you to see how you respond.

If you respond the way they want you too, your bullies will start committing slightly bigger violations. Understand that bullies do this deliberately. They do it to soften you up by making the abuse virtually unrecognizable.

They will continue to take the abuse up little by little until it’s no longer unrecognizable.

By the time it’s recognizable, the abuse may be so severe that everyone around you sees it too. When you begin defending yourself, your bullies and everyone else will likely gaslight you.

Moreover, the bullying will be so out of control that the bullies can no longer help themselves. In fact, they won’t even try to hide it anymore.

At this point, why would they hide it?

Why put in the work to hide something you’ve gotten away with for so long? When there’s no incentive to stop, they can bully you out in the open. Right?

By the time the abuse becomes obvious, it’s usually too late. Why? Because everyone has grown accustomed to bullying you. In fact, they’ve gotten completely comfortable with it.

And once people have grown accustomed to harming you, it’s almost impossible to get them to leave you alone. And this goes no matter what you do to protect yourself.

Therefore, when you finally get fed up and begin asserting your boundaries, they’ll only ignore you and keep right on abusing you. Through their actions, they’ll implicitly communicate that they don’t give a damn about your feelings or your pain.

Your bullies and everyone else will only see you as their victim. And they’ll damn well make sure you to stay that way.

2. The Impacts of Bullying:

People grow comfortable bullying and abusing you.

 And why not? They’ve been getting a huge, psychological payoff from it. And hell will freeze over before they give up those benefits.

At this stage, your bullies will only respond with anger and resentment when you finally stand up to them. They will be like, “How DARE you! How dare you take away our fun!”

Therefore, bullies get offended when someone they deem inferior finally grows a spine. And they’ll do everything they can to break it! All to keep getting their sick, sadistic jollies!

Again, the conditioning starts small. You must know how to recognize bullying when it first begins. Why? Because, the longer it goes on, the bigger the abuses get.

Moreover, the harder it is for you to defend yourself and put a stop to it.

Again, to recognize bullying in the early stages, you must listen to your body. Why? Because your body will feel it. You’ll sense it in the vibes bullies put out. So, pay attention!

3. It Diminishes Your Ability to Trust Yourself.

Why? Because bullies constantly attack your judgement, decisions, and feelings. Moreover, bystanders may also negate and condemn them.

Therefore, when people bully you, they teach you that, you have no right to be angry or sad because you deserve the abuse. And bullies are experts at blaming you for the bullying you suffer.

The impacts of bullying run much deeper than you realize.

4. The Impacts of bullying:

It forces you to take blame for the abuse.

You may be conditioned by bullies and bystanders. Moreover, people in authority, friends, and family may also condition you.

They may demand that you suck it up and negate your own painful feelings. In that, they’ll train you to deny that they’re abusing you.

Your bullies and their minions will train you to believe that other people’s vile behavior is your fault. Also, they’ll try to make you believe that something is wrong with you.

They’ll make statements, such as, “If you weren’t such a troublemaker, people wouldn’t mess with you all the time!” Your bullies will also snooker you into thinking that everything that goes wrong is because of you.

In short, your bullies will claim that their abuse is somehow justified.

5. You withdraw from people.

As a result, you may withdraw. Why? Because you’ll fear attracting bullies and bullying behavior from the people around you.

Bullies will make you believe:

  • That you take things wrong.
  • You’re too sensitive.
  • That you had it coming.
  • That there’s something wrong with the way you are.
  • There’s something wrong with the way you express yourself.
  • There’s something wrong with the way you come across to people.

6. The Impacts of Bullying:

You stop believing in yourself.

In short, you stop believing in yourself. Even worse, you lose trust in yourself.  You begin doubting your abilities, and capabilities. And once this happens, you become a perfect victim for more bullies.

Bullying doesn’t only attack your physical body, but also your psyche and emotional well-being. It breaks your spirit and your very soul. Therefore, the impacts of it can be devastating!

Being a target of bullying is a hell that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly comprehend. When you’re bullied, you’re in the fight of your life.

Moreover, you fight for your life!

Fighting for your life can mean fighting for your personal power and dignity. It can mean fighting to keep your confidence and self-esteem. Also, it can mean making sure the abuse doesn’t affect your performance at school or work.

You’re fighting to make sure that it doesn’t negatively impact your ability to make smart decisions and life-choices. And you’re fighting to maintain your health and your sanity. Ultimately, you’re fighting to keep the abuse from effecting your entire future.

Why? Because you know that if you allow them to break you, you give them power over your life. You may not end up dead, but you won’t really live. You’ll only exist.

7. Bullying Negatively Affects Your School or Work Performance.

Bullying puts you in survival mode. This can have a devastating effect on grades and performance.

Anytime you are a victim of bullying, bullies forcibly put you on constant alert for an attack. It’s as if you have a target on your back and you must grow eyes in the back of your head.

You become hyper-vigilant. This only breeds anxiety and leads to exhaustion. Not only is your body tire,  but also your mind.

When you need to focus on survival, safety takes priority over school lessons and work performance. How can one concentrate when they’re constantly bombarded with threats, taunts, name-calling, and physical violence?

How can a person work or learn effectively when they’re stuck in fight-or-flight mode? It’s almost impossible!

When you’re in survival mode over a long period of time, the overabundance of cortisol will cause your memory to atrophy. Moreover, it will effect your emotional regulation and ability to maintain positive relationships.

Therefore, should it be any wonder that the majority of victims of bullying have such poor school grades and work performance?

8. The impacts of Bullying:

It causes learned helplessness.

After people have berated you for so long, you begin to believe it yourself. And because it shows up in your every day performance, you simply stop trying altogether.

In conclusion, bullying can impact ALL areas of your life.

9. It Stunts Your Social Development.

Although social intelligence won’t necessarily keep you from becoming a target of bullying, it will most certainly lessen your chances of it.

Social intelligence always has and always will supersede book-smarts. It will get you much further than college degrees, awards, and credentials alone.

It’s the reason high school dropouts have become millionaires. It is also why many college graduates have ended up flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Social intelligence is THE most important quality you can have. It’s the highest paid skill and most important asset in the entire universe.

Luckily, Social Intelligence can be taught!

In the past, people thought that social intelligence was the one skill that could never be taught. They believed that you were either born with it, or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, it was something that you had to accept.

Thankfully, we now know differently.

Sadly, if you’re a target of bullying, the abuse you suffer can batter your self-esteem into oblivion. As a result, you withdraw from the rest of the world.

When you’ve been bullied for so long, you come to believe that you’re inferior to everyone else. You’re afraid to talk, afraid to mix and mingle, afraid of any social situations.

10. The impacts of bullying:

You creative a fantasy world to live in.

In other words, you retreat into yourself and live inside your own head. You create a fantasy world, where you feel safe, wanted, and loved.

In other words, you create a world of imaginary people who accept you.

As a result, you shut out the “real world” and live in this fantasy world- this safe haven you’ve created. However, this is not good because, when this happens, you stop watching people and the world around you.

Also, you stop learning the social graces and nuances that you need to know in order to nurture relationships. And, before you know it, you become socially awkward.

You become too quiet, shy, and reserved. Moreover, you look through people instead of at them.

Instead of smiling and saying hello, you pass others by without saying a word to them.

Also, you become sullen and spaced out instead of upbeat and engaging. You feel numb instead of the emotions you should feel at different times.

In Closing:

This is why it’s important that you make a conscious effort to save your self-esteem. How you do it is to keep your heart open.

Therefore, meet new people and make friends outside the bullying environment. Create positive interactions and experiences away from your bullies or anyone else who knows you from the toxic place.

Do what you must do to keep your self-esteem intact and continue to grow your social intelligence.

No matter what happens, stay strong. Hold on as much of your confidence as possible. And most of all, know that none of the bullying you suffer has anything to do with you.

 Let me assure you. There are people out there who care. Keep the faith, keep believing in yourself, and stand strong!

This post is all about the impacts of bullying so that you know what to watch for and begin taking care of your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

what bullies hate most about you

What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

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‘Want to know what bullies hate most? Here are all the things bullies despise so that you’ll have something to feel good about and use against them.

what bullies hate most

There are things bullies absolutely despise and if you know how to use it against them, you’ll make yourself less a victim.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about what bullies hate most so that you can use it to protect yourself.

Once you learn about these game-changing details, you will be a force to be reckoned with the next time your bullies come for you.

This post will tell you exactly what bullies hate most so that you can use it to your advantage and be less of a target to them.

What Bullies Hate Most

Let’s get right into it! Here are all the things bullies hate most.

1. Constructive Criticism

Bullies don’t take constructive criticism very well. They only take it as a personal attack. Remember that bullies are highly egocentric.

They must always be right about everything. Moreover, if they can’t be right, they’ll make it look as if they are. This is how bullies hide beneath a veneer of total perfection.

But why do they do this? For several reasons.

  • They do it to make themselves look better than they really are.
  • The facade of perfection fools people and attracts followers and admirers.
  • Perfection also protects bullies from accountability and shields them from reproach.
  • Bullies can use their so-called perfection as a weapon against their victims.
  • It gives them status and social capital.
  • It gives them the attention.

Understand that when you give bullies any criticism, constructive or otherwise, they see it as an insult to their intelligence. Moreover, it shatters their fake facade.

Again, bullies hate being told they’re wrong about anytime. Therefore, if you want to expose them, tell them they’re wrong. Then, stand back and watch the fireworks!

2. What Bullies Hate Most:

You Countering Their Attacks

It’s because any time you counter a bully, you restore the balance of power. In other words, you take back your personal power, the very thing your bullies are trying to take from you.

You’ll throw them into panic mode. Why? Because, if they lose power over you, they  lose power over everyone and everything.

Moreover, when someone loses power, they lose face. Also, they lose respect. And when they lose respect, they lose credibility, allies, and support.

Then, they will become the bullied. ‘You see? Bullies have an obsessive fear of going from being the hunters to being hunted.

And why not? You aren’t the only person they’ve bullied. There were many others before you. Bullies know that most average people hate people like them. Also, they know that most others are just itching to see them get what’s coming to them.

Everyone loves to see a bully get brought down. And once a bully is brought down, no one will ever allow them to get back up again.

You become a threat to your bullies’ power.

This is why your bullies will pull out all the stops to keep you under their control. If they can’t control you, they control nothing.

Most people are still under the presumption that targets are weak. Therefore, if your bullies can no longer dominate you, others will notice.

And, chances are, the bullies will be at everyone else’s mercy.

In other words, bystanders will look at them and think, “Wow! If they can’t handle a wimp like her then he really couldn’t handle me! This is a juicy opportunity! I can punk this creep out so easily!”

Your bullies then become the new men on the bottom. Gasp!

Why? Because if you can’t overpower the weakest person in the bunch, then you become the new weakest person! Ouch! Talk about a humbling situation!

3. What Bullies Hate Most:

People Who Prefer to be Themselves

Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. Therefore, they resent anyone who’s comfortable in their own skin. Here’s why.

1. Most bullies are highly insecure

In fact, they’re more insecure than others. When you prefer to be yourself, you’re naturally more charming, seductive, and graceful.

You captivate others without trying. Because of your openness and fluidity, you draw others to you like a magnet.

Bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Not only are bullies insecure, they’re also vain. When you’re authentic, you outshine them without even trying. In fact, your presence, alone, makes your bullies appear less alluring to others.

Therefore, avoid these bullies like the plague. Why? Because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them.

They’ll only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness. And they’ll do it to keep you from looking like you’re better than them.

2. What Bullies Hate Most:

When you chose to be yourself, you don’t have to make any effort to put on a show.

Everything you say and do comes natural. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it.

 As mentioned earlier, bullies are fake. Therefore, they fear they might slip up and expose themselves somehow. Then, their personalities just might seep through.

Here’s another reason bullies hate you for being yourself. They resent the fact that you don’t have to work and worry like they do.

But no matter what these idiots may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you.

Why? Because you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you have to work too hard. So, be lazy!

3. What Bullies Hate Most:

Targets They Can’t Manipulate

It’s the oldest and most used tactic in the book! If they can’t manipulate you, they’ll will hate you. My classmates were no different.

Moreover, bullies will always come back at you with the “mentally imbalanced” label. And they do this to discredit you and control how others see you.

 But see this for what it is. It’s a desperate attempt to get you back under their control. Bullies also do this when they can’t find anything else to pin on you.

It only goes to show that they see you as a threat and they’re both desperate and afraid. When you refuse to be manipulated, it sends several messages to your bullies. And these messages threaten their sense of superiority.

  1. It tells them that you see through their smokescreens.
  2. It tells them that you’re not afraid to tell them to go kick rocks.
  3. It tells them the opposite of what they think of you- that you’re strong and intelligent, not weak and clueless.
  4. It puts them in their place.
  5. It tells them that they can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.
  6. It lets them know that you don’t give a crap about what they say or think about you.
  7. It tells them you could care less about impressing them.
  8. It tells them they don’t matter to you and that you don’t value their insults or do you accept their definitions of you.

Understand that bullies have an over-inflated sense of their own importance. Therefore, they feel entitled. Your bullies despise being told no and they loathe anyone who will not be controlled.

If they can’t manipulate you, they’ll manipulate your relationships, and the way others look at you.

5. Your Confidence

Bullies despise any confidence you have. Why? Because when you’re confident, you believe in yourself. Therefore, you don’t let others define who you are.

Confidence is your first line of defense against bullying. It naturally buffers your self-esteem for personal attacks.

Therefore, you’re more likely to tell your bullies where to stick it when they try to mess with you. And that’s a huge threat to their power.

They may try to push you around one time. But it will be the only time they do it.

It pays to love yourself even when it seems others don’t.

6. What Bullies Hate Most:

Being Called Out

They really hate it when you call them out in public!

Any time you call your bullies out on their bullshit, you expose them in front of any bystanders. Moreover, you do it right to their faces.

Understand that bullies have big egos. And when you call them out, you deflate their egos like popping a balloon!

Also, if there are any witnesses present, you humiliate them. You make them look like weak little punks! And others will notice it and they’ll laugh at them.

They may not laugh right then but once they get off somewhere away from the bullies, they’ll laugh about it behind their backs. And bullies instinctively know this because they’d do the same if they saw it happen to someone else.

7. Being Proven Wrong

For example, you’ve entered a contest and your bullies tell you that you’re going to lose. You ignore them and continue your plans to be in the competition. And you end up winning!

Therefore, you showed them up! Bullies despise it when you prove them wrong. Why? Because you force them to back peddle.

Bullies hate it when you feed them a plate of crow. Therefore, don’t be surprised if they try to get back at you for it.

8. What Bullies Hate Most:

Being Exposed.

Bullies despise it when someone rips their masks off. Especially if that person is you! Understand that they have an image to keep up.

And if you poke holes in their image, look out!

9. Being Stood Up To

This goes back to number two. Again, when you stand up to your bullies, you automatically restore the balance of power.

In that, you put your bullies in a weak position. Therefore, expect them to retaliate against you. Realize that bullies will do anything to restore their sense of superiority.

So, be prepared to dig in your heels until your bullies give up and go find another victim.

This post is all about what bullies hate most so that you can use it to defend yourself against them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

2. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

3. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

4. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

nosy bullies at school

Nosy Bullies: 11 Reasons Bullies Pry into Your Private Business

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‘Want to know all about nosy bullies? Here are all the reasons bullies keep their noses stuck in your business.

nosy bullies

When you’re a victim of bullying, your bullies will watch you closely, clocking every move you make. Bullies love to stick their big noses into your business. For people who hate the very air you breathe, they seem awful interested in the details of your life.

Have you ever wondered why?

In this post, you will learn all about nosy bullies and why they pry into your business so that you will gather the courage to tell these snoops to mind their own damn business.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be able to better defend yourself against these types of bullies and preserve your privacy.

This post is all about nosy bullies to give you a peek into their minds and use the information to protect your precious privacy.

Nosy Bullies

If you’re a victim of bullying, you’ve probably wondered why your bullies can’t keep their big, fat noses out of your personal life.

You have the nosy classmate who’s never short of personal and intimate questions about your private life. Maybe, you’re having problems with the  workplace gossip who never shuts up and always seems to know your business before you do.

Or, you know the spying neighbor across the street who forever peers through her window to spy on the neighbors outside.

Whoever they are, they’re bullying the crap out of you. Moreover, these kinds of bullies can be a real hemorrhoid when you want to be left alone and live your life in peace.

Here are all the reasons your bullies can’t stop spying on you. Moreover, they’re the same reasons your bullies ask you such personal questions.

1. Your bullies want to get information they can use against you later.

Most nosy people are, in fact, gossips, busybodies and buttinskies.

A nosy bully may ask you how much you get paid every week.  I know. The nerve! Right? However, you must know why they ask you this question.

They’re trying to gauge whether they should feel jealous of you or better than you. For instance, if your income is low, than they can feel better than you and use the information to ridicule you.

If your income is high, they’ll be jealous of you and talk smack about you just to bring you down a few notches.

Therefore, if someone asks you such personal questions, politely tell them that they’re getting too personal. Let them know in no uncertain terms that you don’t share such private information with anyone.

Then walk away and never have anything to do with this person.

2. Nosy Bullies:

They personally want to see you mess up.

Bullies will watch you closely, waiting with bated breath, for you to screw up somehow. Moreover, they’ll listen in on your conversations, hoping you’ll say the wrong things.

We all make blunders every now and them. You will too, eventually. And your bullies will be right there to pick it up and use your gaffe against you.

Realize that bullies love to see you goof because it gives them the ammo they need to ridicule you with.

3. To see who you associate with.

If you’re a victim of bullying, your bullies will want to know who you associate with. Why? Because they want to know who to turn against you.

Think about it. A salesperson must know who his target audience is. It’s the same with bullies. They need to know who to target with their smear campaigns against you.

4. For gossip.

Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about your character and private life. The purpose of gossip is to control your status by demoting you on the social hierarchy.

Another purpose is to justify bullying you by convincing others that you don’t deserve respect.

Also, it tightens group connections. And it gives higher status to the people who are privy to the negative information. Moreover, it sets expectations in the group as to how they should treat you.

Through gossip, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared enmity. With the use of it, the group will foster justification for hostility.

Therefore, it gives bullies a way to feel better about abusing you. Why? Because they can say that you deserve it and that they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”

Your bullies may tell others to keep it secret. However, they also ask others to inform them of any new information and updates about you.

Realize that gossip provides bullies reaffirmations that they’re right about you.

5. Nosy Bullies:

They want to find your weaknesses.

You can’t find your enemy’s vulnerabilities unless you get information on them. Therefore, this is another reason your bullies ask personal questions and watch you closely.

Once they find your weak spots, they can easily weaponize them.

6. For future blackmail (leverage).

If your bullies want to make you do something you don’t want to do, they can use anything negative information they find.

For instance, you’re a successful businessman who has to travel frequently. During one of your out of town trips, you cheated on your wife a few years ago.

She still doesn’t know about it. However, your bullies catch wind of it. Later, they decide they want to make you do something that’s against the best interests of you and your business.

Therefore, they threaten to tell your wife all about it if you don’t do what they want you to do.

7. To humiliate you.

Your bullies will ask you some of the most embarrassing questions.

  • “Have you started your period yet?”
  • “Are you a virgin?”
  • “How is your boyfriend in bed?”

The audacity of them will leave you scratching your head because you just can’t believe that anyone would have the chutzpah. Especially if you were raised to mind your own business

Moreover, these kinds of questions will make you cringe! They might even upset you. You may tell them to get a life or just storm off without saying anything to them.

However, the best way to handle these people is to  laugh, make fun of and humiliate them. And enjoy it.

I guarantee you that if you handle it like this, your bullies will never do it again!

8. Nosy Bullies:

For revenge.

Bullies often want to get back at you because they feel you slighted them somehow in the past. Therefore, they’ll dig for any dirt they can find about you.

And, once they find it, they will spread it around just to teach you a lesson.

9. To sow discord between you and others.

Nosy bullies love sowing discord among other people. They just can’t seem to get enough drama. In fact, they thrive on it.

These individuals always have their ear cocked, listening in on your conversations with others. They listen specifically for anything you might say about someone else.

Why? So they can go back to the person you’re talking about and tell them what you’re saying about them.

In fact, what you say may be innocent enough. You may be legitimately concerned about Kathy’s health and may be talking to mutual friends of you both. And these friends may be equally concerned.

However, once your bullies overhear all of you talking, they’ll go back to Kathy and tell her only the parts that suit them. In other words, they’ll twist the story to make it look like you and the rest of her friends have evil intentions behind it.

And before you know it, all hell breaks loose.

Bullies get a kick out of watching others tear each other down. The more they stir shit, the more it stinks. And the more it stinks, the better they smell.

Therefore, the next time someone tries to turn you against a friend, ask yourself who the division would benefit most. You, your friend or the instigator?

Also., you can ask the same question if someone tries to turn a friend against you.

10. Nosy Bullies:

For cheap thrills.

Bullies may ask you personal questions because they know that you don’t know any better. This often happens to victims who are on the Autism spectrum.

Evil creeps ask them embarrassing questions because anyone with ASD likely doesn’t realize they’re humiliating. Therefore, when they answer innocently, the bullies get to watch the person unknowing humiliate themself.

The bullies then get their fun out of it, laughing and ridiculing the person.

11. Just to have power over you.

Make no mistake! Any time, a nosy person searches for intimate details about your life, the end goal is power and control!

In other words, their having a constant nose stuck in your private business can be a form of attempted control.

Why? Because they can’t seem to control their own lives. Therefore, they wish to control yours. And they do it for nothing more than to cause an annoyance or embarrassment.

Even in the adult world, you’re going to have people who have more nerve than a bad tooth. In other words, there will be those who will pry into your business and openly ask you embarrassing questions.

Therefore, you might as well prepare for it now. Why? Because these kids of creeps are everywhere!

How can nosy bullies be so brazen with their questions?

When these idiots ask you such personal questions, they may shock the living crap out of you. After all, you’re the type who knows that asking such questions is shameful.

Here’s why some people have no shame in their intrusiveness.

Most of them are raised in nosy families.

In other words, many of these people had parents who were the same way. They had mothers and grandmothers who would tell them to watch others and report back to them.

I know this because, years ago, I had a next door neighbor who was the same way. We all nicknamed her, “Mrs. I-Spy.”

This woman would sit on her front porch and watch who came in and out of the other neighbors’ houses. She would even have her ten-year-old granddaughter watch everyone, then report back to her.

Therefore, nosiness is generational and tends to run in families.

How do nosy bullies get you to talk?

They Air their dirty laundry to get you to air yours.

Beware the big mouth who airs their dirty laundry.

If you’re a target of bullying, another type of person you should be aware of is the big mouth. These people give you their own personal details, hoping that you’ll give them some of yours.

However, be forewarned! If they tell their private business, they’ll tell yours too.

Here are the red flag topics they talk about.

  •  Their messy home life.
  • A philandering husband.
  • Their lazy wife who keeps a nasty house.
  • Unruly and disrespectful kids they might have.
  • Getting toilet-hugging drunk at a bar.
  • Intimate details about their sex life (Yikes!).
  • Details about their bodily functions (Yuck! Gross! Barf!).

Again, if they will trumpet embarrassing details about their own lives, you can bet dollars to doughnuts they’ll talk about yours. Therefore, keep your private business to yourself!

Any personal details about themselves that make you want to “call Ralph,” should especially make you want to run for your life!

Therefore, avoid these people at all costs. Not only will they embarrass the crap out of you, but they’ll dig for information about you that’s equally humiliating.

In Closing

Those who are nosy are usually toxic people.

Be aware that your bullies may not be so blatant with their personal questions. Many may be subtle and you might mistake it for curiosity instead of nosiness.

Nevertheless, realize that anybody who openly asks you such personal questions about your life has no respect for you. Therefore, politely end the conversation, and excuse yourself.

In fact, you should wave these morons away like that pesky little fly that keeps buzzing around your face.

And you don’t have to get angry with them. Just shake your head and pity them. Because it’s those types who really need to get a life.

Or, if you’re a smart-ass like I am, take the opportunity to have a little fun with them. Just catch it, throw it back at them and shame them with it. And why not? They asked for it.

This post was all about nosy bullies, their shameful questions, and why they ask them so that you know what to look for and how to respond.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Curiosity vs Nosiness: 3 Must-Know Differences to Learn

2. Signs of a Smear Campaign: 3 Indicators of Relational Bullying

3. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

bullying survival mode

Bullying Survival Mode: 5 Things Victims of Bullying Do Wrong

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‘Want to know about bullying survival and how victims in survival mode can make poor decisions if they aren’t careful? Here are all the mistakes to avoid.

bullying survival

When you’re stuck in survival mode, it negatively effects your judgment and your ability to make decisions.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the bullying survival mode effect and how it effects your life.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to make better, more sound choices and avoid the pitfalls that bullying and survival mode can trap you in.

This post is all about the bullying survival mode effect so that you can recognize the signs of it and do what you must do to avoid it.

Bullying survival mode

It’s not enough just to survive bullying. You must overcome it. Why? Because it can have a terrible effect on your life.

Here are all the things you can do wrong if you aren’t careful.

1. You find it necessary to lie.

I’ve never told one lie in my entire life, and that’s no lie! Ha! Shyeah, right!

Let’s face it, we’ve all told some big ones in our lives, myself included. And yes, even you have. No one is perfect and there are many reasons why people lie- too many to list.

However, victims of bullying lie for totally different reasons than most. Most victims of bullying don’t like having to tell falsehoods. In fact, they hate it!

But they do out of fear and terror. Victims of bullying lie because they feel they must just to survive. ‘You see? A person under the threat of being harmed will do anything to remove that threat. And if they have to lie to save themselves, they’ll do it.

Lying becomes a way to survive.

Many targets of bullying must tell lie after lie just to survive! Why? Because they know that the truth could get them hurt.

Also, victims of bullying lie because they think it will make the bullying stop. Sadly, lying becomes a survival method. Even worse, it grows into a terrible habit that’s hard to break.

I must confess that during the years I was bullied, I felt I had to lie to ensure my personal safety. And it sucked!

As a result, many of my relationships suffered. After years of suffering bullying, I became a very sneaky and wily person. In other words, I used cunning and craftiness to get through school.

I felt I had to use trickery and con games just to survive each school day. And I’m not proud of it.

Bullying Survival Mode:

If you feel you must lie to someone, that person has power over you.

If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this. The people you you must lie to have power over you. They control your life. In other words, by lying, you make yourself a subject to others.

Here’s another thing you should remember.

People can tell when they’re being played. And lies have a way of unraveling. Falsehoods are also hard to maintain. And you must tell another lie to cover up the first one. In other words, it’s a lot of work to keep up a lie.

If this describes you, you must ask yourself these questions.

  • “Who are these people that I should have to lie?”
  • “Why must I work so hard to hide stuff instead of being myself and being free?”
  • “Who do I have anything to hide from?”
  • “Why should I give up my power to people who have no business having it?”

Isn’t time you got sick of all the bullshit? Isn’t it time you just said, “Screw it?”

Lying is Stressful!

Lying is too much work and it’s stressful too. And I’m just too lazy to do it.

Moreover, I’m glad I have the confidence to be honest without feeling a need to apologize for it. I know that I have nothing to hide from anyone. And that means I have nothing to lie about.

If others can’t handle my reality, then screw them! They don’t pay my bills, nor do they sign my paychecks. They have no bearing on my life whatsoever.

And even if they did, I still wouldn’t feel the need to lie to them about anything.

Being myself and standing in my truth allow me to relax and live in peace and harmony. I don’t have to scramble to cover up any lies. This is the life I love and want to continue to live.

Bullying Survival Mode:

Why Bullies Lie

Bullies and abusers are notorious liars. And they do it without even a shred of conscience. Bullies lie for reasons of vanity. Also, they lie to insulate themselves from accountability.

However, the scary thing about it is that they’re good at lying. In fact, their talent for telling such convincing falsehoods is what makes them so dangerous.

And why not, bullies and abusers have been telling fibs all their lives.

They’ve had years of practice. In fact, they’ve been doing it for so long that they’ve gotten down to a fine art. In short, bullies have become masters at deception!

Bullies don’t only lie to cover their butts and conceal wrongdoings, imperfections, and shortcomings. They also do it to discredit their victims, defame others, and destroy people’s reputations.

2. Bullying Survival Mode:

You Bully Other Victims

Bullying hurts. It’s not the physical beatings in the locker room nor having your books knocked out of your arms. It’s not the name-calling nor the threats. Nor is it the cruel jokes or pranks in the company break room.

It’s the cumulative sum of all factors

It leaves you feeling you’ve lost all control over your life. It seems you no longer have any say in what happens to you. It’s the feeling of having power over nothing!

In an attempt to snatch back control over something, you soon begin to bully those who are even more vulnerable than you are.

Through your own victimization, you learn that, to keep from feeling powerless, you must bully too. Therefore, in bullying you, bullies unwittingly teach you how to bully.

Victims who also bully others are called bully-victims. In other words, they’re people who are both bullies and victims of other bullies.

Fighting to stay off the bottom.

So, you bully other victims to feel better about yourself. Also, you do it to ascend a few rungs up the social ladder.

Nobody wants to be on the bottom. Everybody wants to be better than somebody. It’s a sad part of human nature.

Just as people fight like hell to stay on top, others fight just as hard to stay off the bottom. Why? Because shit rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.

Person A at the top bullies Person B, who is second from the top.
Person B then bullies Person C, and so on.

And down the pecking order, the nastiness rolls until it lands on Person Z at the bottom. Then, everyone bullies Person Z because they’re defenseless!

The last person doesn’t bully because they’re the one with the least power of all the others. In fact, anyone on the bottom is going to catch hell because they’re powerless.

Moreover, that person will likely be kept on the bottom because no one wants that position. Therefore, everyone keeps Z down to ensure that none of them ever take their place.
That’s how it works!

Bullying Survival Mode:

You bully to stay off the bottom.

As long as someone else is on the bottom, it keeps you and everyone else safe from being there. It’s why bully-victims get bullied by pure bullies, then go on to select their own victims to degrade and humiliate.

However, most of the time, this doesn’t turn out good. Why? Because sometimes, bully-victims become worse off then pure bullies or pure victims.

Pure bullies are people who don’t get bullied by other people. On the other hand, bully-victims are both bullies and victims of bullying by other bullies.

Moreover, they bully far more than pure bullies do because they have more to prove. Bully-victims are far more hated and ostracized than pure bullies or pure victims.

Therefore, they’re lonelier and have few friends or none at all.

3. You resort to trickery.

If you’re a pure victim or bully-victim, you often resort to trickery and deceit. Many bully-victims are pathological liars, cheats, fakes, and sneaks. They believe that humans are the lowest forms of life on earth. Bully-victims tend to be Machiavellian.

However, understand that these people need help. They need someone to get it through their heads that just because people are bullying them doesn’t make it okay to turn around and bully someone else.

So, tell them lovingly and with patience. Why? Because they’re hurting inside and they need someone to listen to them.

They need gentle guidance in the right direction.

4. Bullying Survival Mode:

Making poor choices just to be accepted.

Sadly, targets of bullying often make poor life choices. Years ago, I made some really bad decisions.

At the time, I didn’t really know why. However, today, there is no doubt in my mind that the reason I allowed myself to get into smoking marijuana and having sex during high school was that I was lonely from being bullied.

You see? When you’ve been bullied for so many years, you’ll do anything to be accepted. After so long, the loneliness, the despair, and the sadness becomes too much to bear. Then, desperation begins to creep in.

The bad choices you make include promiscuity and joining gangs. You may also get into drinking, drugs, and hard partying.

Moreover, you may participate in crime and commit high-risk behaviors, such as drag-racing and daredevil stunts.

Moreover you will sometimes do these things just to feel like you belong.

5. Dating Down.

You may also may begin “dating down”. You’ll settle for a partner you don’t really love. Or, you pick one who’s abusive.

Why? Because you need proof that you’re desirable. Moreover, you want to prove to everyone else that you can find a partner just like they can.

Bullied girls may also deliberately become pregnant because they want so badly to have someone (the baby) to love them.

If you are a target of bullying, I can’t emphasize enough that you don’t have to do these things to feel loved. There are better options.

And if the bullying is unbearable, find a way to get out of the environment and go somewhere you can be safe.

Instead of making unwise choices, practice your talents, and do the things you enjoy. Spend time with the people who DO love you.

Give a little of yourself to help others every day and I promise you, it will pay off sooner or later.

Know that there will come a day when you attract genuine friends into your life. Believe it with every fiber of your being!

This post is all about Bullying Survival and what not to do When you’re being bullied so that you don’t risk making your life worse.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

2. Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

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‘Want to know the importance of learning to love yourself? Here are all the reasons why self-love is most important.

learning to love yourself

When you are a target of bullying, loving yourself can be very difficult when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity. Constantly being bombarded with ugly names, cruel taunts, and attacks over a long period of time can have a devastating cumulative effect on your self-esteem.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the importance of learning to love yourself and how it can drastically improve your life.

Once you know this life-changing information, you will look for the good in yourself. And you won’t pay so much attention to what your bullies tell you.

This post is all about learning to love yourself so that you can begin to turn your life around and live happier and in peace.

Learning to Love Yourself

Your self-esteem can take a beating from all the bullying you suffer. And if you aren’t careful, you too will soon believe the cruel falsehoods others tell you.

However, no matter how viciously others may treat you, you must do everything possible to hold on to self-love! Even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.

  • “I AM an awesome person.”
  • “I AM beautiful.”
  • “I AM worthy of being loved.”

Also, you must maintain your self-esteem. Never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

You Must Love Yourself Before Anyone Else Can.

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. And you must take care of yourself.

Moreover, you must command respect and love from others, including a few toxic family members you love dearly. And you must be willing to make some tough decisions to receive that love and respect.

Sometimes, you have to walk away, knowing that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. And this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes. And they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible.

It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

Learning to Love Yourself:

But what if the person never changes their behavior?

If, by chance, they don’t change their behavior, realize that you did all you could do. Understand that you didn’t turn your back on the person because you didn’t love them.

You walked away because they didn’t love you enough to treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Therefore, you must love yourself, or nobody will love you.

Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. And don’t depend on them to validate you. Let love come from within your heart!

When you suffer bullying, loving yourself won’t be easy.

When people target you for bullying, loving yourself can be difficult. How can you feel good about yourself when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity?

Having people constantly bombard you with ugly names, cruel taunts and attacks, even for a short time, makes life harder than what it needs to be. Nevertheless, no matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love!

11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

1. You’re more likely to attract the right people into your life.

When you learn to love yourself, you attract better people into your life. Instead of attracting users and abusers, you draw healthier people with morals and ethics.

Therefore, if you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

When you don’t love yourself, others can tell. They see it in your demeanor, your face, and your posture. Moreover, they can hear it in your tone of voice and the way you talk.

Why do you think you attract users and abusers? And why do you think you end up with only people who mistreat and control you?

2. Learning to Love Yourself:

You’re able to love others the way they need to be loved.

If you don’t show yourself some love, you’ll never be able to properly love anyone else. Instead, you’ll be codependent. You’ll always search outside of yourself for love instead of allowing love to flow from within.

Moreover, when you finally find someone who loves you, you won’t love them the way they need to be loved. Instead, you’ll only smother them to death because you’ll always need to be right on top of them.

If you’re in a relationship, you’ll be suspicious of others. You’ll wonder if your partner’s going to leave you or if they’re cheating.

Also, you’ll wonder if your friends really like you or if they’re only pretending to. As a result, you’ll end up making a new partner or friend pay for something someone else did in the past.

And that’s not fair to them or to you. Being in constant worry and suspicion is no way to live!

On the other hand, if you do love yourself, you won’t suspect anyone. Why? Because you won’t need to worry about anyone doing anything behind your back. You’ll trust people and they’ll appreciate you for it.

3. You’re Not afraid to be alone.

In other words, you won’t rely too much on others to feel loved and wanted. And you won’t feel that you must always be one half of a couple to be happy.

Instead, you’ll be happy single or in a relationship.

4. Learning to Love Yourself:

You allow relationships to progress naturally.

Put simpler, you won’t want to move too quickly into any relationship. Instead, you’ll take your time and you won’t force it

Why? Because you know that moving too quickly is death to any relationship. And you’ll likely love your partner before they’ve had time to earn that love.

Therefore, you won’t do anything that might scare the other person away. You’ll realize that love needs time to grow.

5. You keep your personal Power

Instead of giving away your power, you hold on to it. In other words, you won’t put yourself at the mercy of someone else nor let them take advantage of you.

You’ll set healthy boundaries and put your needs and priorities first. Why? Because you know that you can’t pour from an empty cup. In other words, you realize that if you don’t take care of yourself first, you’ll have nothing to give to anyone else.

Therefore, you’ll keep your boundaries firmly in place.

Also, you’ll allow yourself the freedom to make your own decisions, rather than let someone else choose for you. And the best part is that people will likely respect you for it.

6. Learning to Love Yourself:

You don’t feel the need to control other people.

You can never control how another person acts nor how they feel about you. Moreover, you understand this and you’re okay with it.

Therefore, if your partner gets tired of you and decides they no longer want to be with you, you won’t force them to stay. Though it will be painful, it won’t completely devastate you.

Why? Because you’ll realize that a break-up isn’t the end of the world. Moreover, you’ll know that if they came into your life, someone else will too.

So, you’ll let the chips fall where they may.

7. You let love and friendship find you instead of searching for it.

Therefore, you won’t exhaust yourself searching for friends and lovers. Instead of spending your whole life searching for love and friendship, you’ll relax and let them come to you.

 As a result, you’ll save your precious energy and won’t be so off-putting to others. Moreover, you won’t waste your time, hopping from relationship to relationship.

And, who knows, you just might be happier by yourself. So, again, if you do have a partner and they get bored with you and leave, you won’t feel you need to search for someone else to take their place.

Most importantly, you’re least likely to have a long string of broken relationships behind you.

8. Learning to Love Yourself:

You’re selective of your friends and lovers.

If you settle for less, you’ll get even less than what you settled for. You realize this, so you won’t settle for less than what you want.

If a friend or partner comes along, you’re willing to give them a chance. However, if that person isn’t the person you thought they were, you quickly move on to something better.

Therefore, you aren’t afraid to be selective of the company you keep.

9. Instead of attracting takers, you attract givers.

Because of this, you don’t mind giving back in return. Therefore, you enjoy happier and healthier relationships.

Again, you’re selective of your lovers, friends and associates. Why? Because you realize that some people are more than happy to be around you just to get something from you.

Moreover, human predators will know that you aren’t one to mess with. So, they’ll avoid you and move onto some poor sucker who doesn’t respect themselves.

10. You take responsibility for your own happiness.

Instead of replying on someone else to make you happy, you allow happiness to come from within. How? By creating happy moments for yourself.

You spend quality time with family and friends. Maybe you do things you enjoy the most. However you do it, you take charge of your own happiness.

You never put your happiness in the hands of someone else. And that’s a part of learning to love yourself

11. Learning to Love Yourself:

You have no time for toxic people.

Therefore, you won’t put up with shabby treatment even if it means you must be alone for a spell. Therefore, you aren’t afraid to give toxic people the old heave-ho!

Again, you’re selective of the people in your life. So, it’s likely that you won’t end up with someone who will only abuse you. Moreover, you won’t accept anyone who’s too lazy to work and expects you to keep their worthless ass up.

Instead, you show them the door, fast!

In Closing:

If you don’t love yourself, who will?

If you are a target of bullying, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of learning to love yourself! You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for love and acceptance. It isn’t necessary.

You have better options. You just don’t know it yet.

Therefore, learn to love yourself. Practice your talents and gifts. Do the things you enjoy most. And spend time with the people who love you.

Most importantly, give a little of yourself to help others without expecting anything in return. And I promise you. It will pay off sooner or later.

Be selective of the people you allow in your life. And know that there will come a day when you attract genuine friends into your life.

This post is all about the importance of learning to love yourself so that you can give yourself the compassion you deserve and take charge of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

2. Make New Friends: 11 Easy Ways to Attract Buddies

3. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

how to regain your power over your life

How to Regain Your Power: 9 Ways to Empower Yourself

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‘Want to know how to regain your power? Here are 9 ways to empower yourself that you need to know about.

how to regain your power

Everyone wants to have power. In fact, it’s human nature to seek power. Because to be completely powerless is the perfect description of hell.

However, bullies can strip you of your personal power. And if you no longer have your personal power, you are powerless.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to regain your personal power so that you can take back control of your life.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be a powerful force in your own life. You will get back your freedom and your autonomy. Then you will be able to live your life as you see fit.

This post is all about how to regain your power so that you can overcome bullying and live your life on your terms.

How to Regain Your Power

Everyone wants power, if only a little of it. And sadly, bullies have ways of taking away your power.

Consequently, when a person is totally powerless, they live their life on autopilot. Figuratively, they’re only a leaf being blown around in the wind. They’re a sailboat without a sail- being blown on whatever course life dictates for them.

And it’s a terrible way to live. Without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Really stop and think about it for a moment. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to, isn’t it? It’s the worst thing that could happen to you!

Real Power

Most people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through their accomplishments. In other words, they get their power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

People who aren’t bullies get their sense of power through having success in their jobs. Moreover, they feel powerful from having successful home lives. They may have a loving family and a happy home.

Therefore, they take great pride in their families.

Their power may also come from their talents, their finances, and their physical health. This is why people start their own businesses or do strenuous workouts every day. It’s also why they aren’t afraid to display their talents and gifts.

For instance, a husband and father gets his sense of power from his ability to provide for and take care of his wife and children. A writer gets her sense of power through her writing and the ability to achieve readership.

A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh. And a singer gets her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice.

An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport. Also, students get their sense of power through making exceptional grades and through their diplomas and degrees.

But what do all these people have in common? It’s that they can all achieve their power without stepping on others.

Therefore, understand that getting power doesn’t always require hurting others. And there are no winners and losers. There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

And personal power is real power!

How to Regain Your Power:

Personal Power

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans puts power in two categories- personal power and power over.

Personal power is power over your life’s trajectory. It’s the power to direct your own path- to choose your own wants.

It’s having the autonomy to make choices and decisions for yourself, and to do your own thing. There’s no need to harm another person because you already direct your own life-movie.

Having personal power puts you in the driver’s seat of your life. Therefore, you are the one who chooses your destination and which route you want to take to get there.

You are the captain of your own ship. The winds may change and blow you off course. However, with personal power, you have a rudder to steer your ship back on course.

You may have to take detours and you may have to take the long way to your destination. But you know where you’re going, and you eventually get there.

There are two types of power.

Power Over

Sadly, bullies cannot achieve personal power. Why? Because most bullies are incompetent fools who have no real intelligence. They only know how to act intelligent and fool others.

Moreover, they also have no sense of responsibility. They have no talent and no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

The only way bullies can achieve power is to inflict harm on others. The only way they can achieve satisfaction in their jobs, families, or finances is by steamrolling people.

Bullies are so inept they can’t even survive in this world without hurting others. This kind of power is called power over.

Power over is lording it over another person through force, coercion, and trickery. It violates boundaries.

Power over shows no respect or regard. Moreover, it seeks to oppress and block you from all the good things in life- love, peace, success, happiness- freedom.

In power over there is a winner (the bully) and a loser (the victim). It is a zero-sum game. Always!Power over is against personal power and it only takes it away.

If you’re a victim of bullying, it’s important that you begin taking steps to take back your personal power. Only then will you be free. And you’ll finally begin living instead of existing.

How to Regain Your Power:

Bullies use Power Over.

What do we mean when we mention, “personal power?” Simple. We mean the ability to influence the events that happen in our lives.

When bullies target you for bullying, they find ways of stripping you of your personal power. Most do this bit by tiny bit.

In other words, they gradually escalate the attacks until they leave you utterly powerless. However, there are simple methods you can use to reclaim your personal power and feel more in control of your circumstances.

9 Ways to Empower Yourself

1. Have a strong set of beliefs and principles.

When you have a strong set of beliefs and principles, you’re least likely to fall for any lies and name-calling your bullies bombard you with. Therefore, you’re least likely to allow them to influence how you see yourself.

Moreover, you won’t make decisions and choices based on their approval. Instead, you will do what you know is best for you and what makes you feel most alive.

3. Be okay with who you are.

Realize that you are perfect just the way God made you. However, know that it’s okay if you want to improve yourself. There’s nothing wrong with becoming a better version of yourself because there’s always room for improvement.

And this goes for everyone. The problem comes when you allow others’ opinions of you to change the way you view yourself.

Never put yourself down because bullies and others are putting you down. No matter what they say or how they act toward you, don’t lose sight of your worth.

Continue to value yourself and refrain from thinking that you should be like someone else. You are you. Be okay with it. Practice self-acceptance and self-love while you improve.

3. How to Regain Your Power:

Follow your goals and dreams.

What is your passion? What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are, follow them and do the things you absolutely love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, you’ll be so busy working on your goals and pursuing your dreams that they won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

But be prepared for others to resist your positive change.

Get ready for bullies to notice the positive change in you and put up some resistance to it. How will they do this?  They’ll intensify their attacks.

They’ll ridicule the positive changes you make. Also, they’ll bring up your past.

However, realize that they will do these things because the new you will threaten their power. Moreover, the new happier and more confident you will be something that your bullies won’t be used to seeing.

And it will throw them off balance. But don’t allow the fear of it to stop you. Keep working on you and doing what you love. I guarantee that it will pay off later.

Understand that your bullies have grown comfortable in seeing you depressed, miserable, and beaten down. Moreover, when you begin this positive change, you take your bullies out of their comfort zones.

And most people love their comfort zones and will fight like the devil to stay in them.

4. How to Regain Your Power:

Replace negative self-talk with that which is positive.

In other words, stop beating yourself up. Realize that your bullies and abusers have conned you into believing that you aren’t good enough. But you are good enough and that you’re just as worthy as the next Joe Schmo.

Instead of saying to yourself, “I’ll never be good enough,” say, “I AM good enough now and I’m only going to get better.”

5. Walk away from toxic people.

Toxic people only want to bring you down and keep you there. These people are bullies and abusers. However, they can also be fakes who pose as your friends.

Therefore, know that anyone who even subtly insults you doesn’t deserve one micro-second of your time. You’d much rather be alone than with fake friends who throw zingers and backhanded compliments at you.

You’ll be much happier without them. So,be patient and better friends will come along. I promise you!

6. Get healthy.

When you’re healthy, you’re happy. Get outside and get some sunlight.  Don’t forget to exercise. I promise you that you’ll feel so much better! Also, you’ll have more of your power.

Taking these steps may feel strange at first. Trying new things always does. However, with time, it will become like second nature and you will feel so much better about yourself.

You’ll feel stronger, more confident and freer! Now that is power!

Moreover, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your life will improve!

7. How to Regain Your Power:

Expose the bullies by reporting them to a manager or a school staff member.

Understand that bullies and their followers may call you a snitch. However, when it comes to your personal safety, you’re not being a snitch.

You’re only trying to protect yourself by getting the teacher or supervisor involved. This may or may not work. However, it’s always wise to report the bully if you cannot take care of it on your own.

Maybe you’re a small 5′ 4″, 110 pound female being bullied at work by a 6′ 4″, 225 pound gargantuan male. In cases like these, report it to a supervisor or manager and even police, if need be.

8. Turn your pain into power.

What do I mean by this?

You can take any abuse you suffer and use it for the benefit of others. That’s a success! And it’s the best poke in the eye and slap in the face to your bullies and abusers.

I say this because I get plenty of push-back from a few of my old pals from way back when. Think about this. If you speak your truth and your former abusers lash back, it’s because they know they’re guilty.

If they weren’t guilty, they wouldn’t care so much. Also, If your voice wasn’t so powerful and you weren’t telling the truth, your bullies wouldn’t push back so hard.

The reason why you’ve probably gotten a few nasty or threatening messages is that your former abusers know you’re telling the truth. And they’re scared to death that you’ll expose them.

How to Regain Your Power:

Also, here’s another interesting point you probably haven’t thought of.

Your bullies are probably angry that they failed to accomplish their objective. And that objective was to destroy your life.

In other words, they expected you to drown. They just knew you’d crash and burn, and you didn’t!

Therefore, that’s a huge disappointment to them. It’s a blow to their overinflated egos! And now, they’re coming back to try and finish the job.

Therefore, you should welcome their resentment. Why? Because it only shows that they’re desperate.

This should only inspire you to double down on spreading awareness of bullying. And it should encourage you to keep reaching out to other victims with your message.

Moreover, it should compel you to speak to them about why people bully. And you want to call out the tactics and mindsets of bullies and expose them.

And lastly, your bullies’ behavior should make you want to warn victims of the effects of bullying. You must show other victims what to look for. In short, they only light a fire under you.

Another way you can turn your pain into power is to stop calling yourself a victim and refer to yourself as a target instead.

9. Be successful!

Success is the best revenge against bullies. Therefore, work on your goals and pursue your dreams. Go after the life you want!

Then watch your bullies lose their minds as you achieve success after success!

This post was all about how to regain your power so that you can overcome bullying and take control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

2. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

3. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

physical bullies at school

Physical Bullies: 9 Secrets You Should Know

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‘Want to know secrets of physical bullies. Here are all the secrets they hide so you can use them to your advantage.

physical bullies

They may appear tough. However, physical bullies are the weakest ones of all.

In this post you will learn all the secrets physical bullies don’t want you to know so that you can use them to your advantage.

Once you learn all about these important details, you will feel better about yourself just knowing that you don’t have to result to physical means to get through life.

This post is all about physical bullies and their weaknesses so that you can use them as weapons to protect yourself.

Physical Bullies

The weakest person always uses physical violence. However, the strongest person always uses their brain. It’s also true that the weakest person talks the most and the loudest, but the strongest person gets his message across in few words.

Through experience, I’ve found that these bullies were taught at home that violence is the answer to all their problems. Most of my classmates had the same brutish mentality.

Therefore, if you didn’t give them what they wanted, they resorted to using their fists to force you to comply. Also, they used physical violence any time they felt you weren’t giving them the respect they thought they deserved.

Additionally, bullies like these may even use physical violence to take their frustrations out on you. Whenever they’re in a bad mood, they hold you responsible for it. It’s pathetic really.

But they would never tell you these things!

Here are the secrets they hope you never find out.

1. Physical Bullies are highly insecure with themselves.

Physical violence is weakness. Why? Because people only submit because they don’t the bully to beat them up.

True persuasion is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. Therefore, when people have a choice and they choose to do something you want, it’s so much more rewarding.

Understand that physical bullies see everything as zero-sum. In other words, they feel they either have total control, or none at all. And there’s no in-between.

If they can’t have complete influence, they feel powerless.

2. Physical Bullies:

They compare themselves with others.

Physically violent bullies often compare themselves with others. They see themselves as less effective at persuasion than others.

Therefore, they feel that they’re not as good at getting others to cooperate. And they feel that they should always be in command of circumstances and situations.

In their intense anger and rage, these bullies look at you. And through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame. They shift it from their own sense of powerlessness to something you must have done.

They see you as their enemy or their adversary. Therefore, they feel that they must punish and destroy you.

Therefore, their knee-jerk reactions are triggered with a self-demeaning or self-defeating thought and feeling of indignation. And this trigger happens somewhere between your statement or action and their blow-up.

3. They care what you and everyone else thinks of them.

Consequently, the bully has an afterthought that compels them to physically attack you. The afterthought can be something like:

  • “He thinks I’m a wuss.”
  • “He thinks I’m chicken.”
  • “She thinks I’m weak.”
  • “I’m not getting through to this jerk.”
  • “He doesn’t respect me.”
  • “I need to show this person she cannot ignore me and just walk away.”

This is all the result of the bully’s feeling hurt. Therefore, they cover this hurt feeling behind a veneer of anger and toughness.

Moreover, physically violent bullies believe that being calm and cool is a sign of weakness. They feel the same about walking away from confrontation.

 They also think that ignoring an aggressor is a sign of disrespect. However, understand that these bullies place high value on their status and social image.

Therefore, when they feel that you’ve slighted them, they make you responsible for their feelings of indignation.

4. Physical bullies must use violence to keep their power.

In other words, they think they’re entitled to put their hands on you. Why? Because they think that you wronged them somehow. Therefore, you should be punished.

Also, physically violent bullies impose rules of engagement on you that they, themselves, don’t follow. Bullies think they’re exempt from any rules.

Again, physical bullies have a sense of entitlement. They believe that you should respect them at all times. According to your bullies, you should know what they want from you.

In fact, your bullies expect you to do what they tell you to do and never say no to them. Moreover, you should only tell them what they want to hear.

In short, your bullies expect you to satisfy their every whim, even if it means sacrificing yourself for them.

5. They see themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor who must be punished.

In their minds, they’re thinking the following thoughts.

  • “You caused me distress!”
  • “You made me mad, so I must make you pay dearly for it!”
  • “How dare you defy me!”
  • “That loser is not giving me the respect they owe me.”

By reversing the roles and making you the aggressor, physical bullies can blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than hopelessness.

Physical violence may Seem like strength. But, is it?

Physical bullies may look strong and mighty. They may seem tough when they’re whipping and beating up on you, However, they’re really weak.

In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s because they can’t have power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use physical force.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm nor seductive powers.

In other words, they aren’t able to persuade people to do what they want.

Physically violent bullies constantly apply evil intentions to you. Therefore, they feel consistent urges to make you pay for being such a pain.

Remember that your bullies are under the delusion that you’re persecuting them when, in fact, it’s the opposite. However, realize that blaming you helps them soothe their self-image.

Fisticuffs give physical bullies psychological rewards.

When physically violent bullies attacks you and beats you down, they get instant psychological rewards. As a result, they relieve their anger and get a sense of power.

Finally, they get to feel a sense of satisfaction and justice.

Moreover, your bullies get to deal with you up close. They get to look into your eyes to see your pain. Also, they want to hear you cry out or scream in pain.

They also get the satisfaction from the possibility of getting you good and bloody. For them, that’s icing on the cake.

Realize that these people are sick individuals. They derive pleasure from inflicting cuts, bruises, and broken bones.

6. These types of Bullies Feel Powerless. they’re are No Different Than Rapists

For example, the reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way.

Maybe they have no game. In other words, they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively.

Moreover, maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to potential partners.

Most rapists are ineffective and powerless with women under normal circumstances. So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

7. Physical Bullies Feel Vulnerable during conflicts.

It comes down to the  views of not just others, but of themselves. The reason these bullies use physical force and violence is because they feel vulnerable in conflicts.

Therefore, they go to the only problem-solving technique they know. Physical violence is the only way they can punish their targets and restore their self-esteem.

Here’s another way to look at it. Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. They may beat the crap out of you but you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met.

Moreover, your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence are things they are stuck with forever!

If nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use relying on the school, workplace, or the law to protect you.

You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

8. Instant Gratification.

These bullies tend to crave instant and immediate gratification. Physical violence gives them that. Moreover, your bullies get an immediate rush of power and dominion.  And they think that they’ve won.

Many physically violent bullies are egocentric and have delusions of grandeur. And when you stand up to them, you shatter their delusions.

Moreover, if you say anything back to the bullies, it automatically puts your bullies on the weaker end. Therefore, they fly into a rage and use violence to restore that sense of power and invincibility.

Understand that these types of people are self-serving. And they feel superior to anyone else. Therefore, they think they have innate entitlements that supersede even your most basic human rights.

Physical Bullies Expect you to take their shit.

These bullies believe they’re entitled to hurt you.  On the other hand, they believe you’re just supposed to shut up and take it. They expect you to take the abuse without question or protest.

Therefore, when you stand up and oppose the abuse, your bullies will take it as a challenge. They may even see it as an insult. As a result, they will use forceful and violent measures to take you down.

9. They are Sadistic.

Physical bullies derive feelings of pleasure when beating you up. Moreover, they feel no shame unless the wrong people find them out.

They’re open with their violence and don’t fear accountability. Why? Because they know that most others are too scared to confront them.

Physical bullies have no qualms about asserting their dominance over others. They feel their entitlements supersede your basic rights.

Therefore, they confidently encroach on your time, your space, and your safety. Where most people would feel shame over hurting someone, physical bullies only feel powerful.

Sadly, there isn’t much you can do to help these types of people. Sadistic people are resistant to any help. Consequently, those who are physically violent usually end up in prison for battery or murder.

Bullies have many secrets and it’s up to you to find out what they are. Also, it’s up to you to defend yourself against them no matter what.

This post is all about the mentality of physical bullies so that you’ll be more emboldened to defend yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Deal with Physical Bullies

2. Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

3. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

covert bullying examples

Covert Bullying Examples: 7 Must-Know Tactics Covert Bullies Use

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‘Want to know all the covert bullying examples so that you can recognize them when you see them? Here are all the sneaky tactics bullies use so that you can see it and call it out.

covert bullying examples

Covert bullying can be difficult to detect, which is why it’s so hard to defend against.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the covert bullying examples and how to stand up to it.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to recognize it when you see it and defend yourself when it happens to you.

This post will give you all the covert bullying examples so that you’ll spot it and stand up to it when bullies get sneaky about their insults and personal attacks.

Covert Bullying Examples

Bullies are big cowards and most will take tiny nibbles of your self-esteem through subtle insults and sneaky attacks. Here are all the examples of covert bullying and how to stand up to subtle bullies who use stealth abuse to undermine your confidence.

1. They Will Make Softened Statements.

Euphemism- word, phrase or statement that softens a harsher meaning.

Seasoned bullies are well-known for euphemisms. In other words, they soften their words so that they don’t look bad to others.

Anytime bullies soften their insults, they appear concerned for your well-being. They seem sympathetic. However, don’t be misled. In reality, they’re anything but!

By softly putting you down, your bullies persuade their listeners to confirm and justify their atrocious behavior. And when they get the confirmation they seek, they get the green light to continue talking.

Here are the most common softened statements.

  • “I hope she gets the help she needs.”
  • “The poor guy, it’s sad that people treat him so bad.”
  • “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
  • “Bless her heart, she’s such a miserable and unhappy person.”
  • “I sincerely hope she can go someplace where she can be happy.”

I want you to understand that when your bullies make these statements, they’re not the least bit concerned about your well-being. They’re only concerned with how they look and sound to everyone else.

They’re only putting on a good front to cover their true feelings.

2. Covert Bullying Examples:

Bullies will use Doublespeak

Bullies are slick with their insults. Many times, they may disguise their vitriol and contempt with the use of doublespeak. And it’s the same as using softened statements.

The term “doublespeak” comes from George Orwell’s book “1984.” Bullies use doublespeak when they words that sound more palatable to the ears. Bullies use doublespeak to lessen their chances of turning other people off.

This form of abuse is covert because it makes the bully sound like a caring, concerned person rather than a vicious one.

For example:

Bullies degrade you in front of others. However, rather than being blunt, they’ll be polite about it.

Instead of, “I can’t stand him, he’s batshit nuts and he belongs in the nuthouse!” they’ll say,

“I’m very concerned about him. I think he has a mental imbalance somewhere that hasn’t been addressed. I hope he gets the help he needs.”

The first version would make the bully sound mean and nasty. The second version sounds so much better. It makes the bully look like a good person who’s genuinely concerned for you.

Here’s another example:

A female bully is putting her neighbor down. But rather than say,

“I’d like to catch her in the street and beat the living crap out of her and leave her to die!” which would make the bully sound like a vindictive and hateful bitch, she says,

“If she doesn’t change her attitude, I’m afraid someone’s going to hurt her really bad!”

Again, the second version sounds so much better because it shows concern rather than hatred. Also, it makes you look like you must be bringing the bad treatment on yourself.

It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it. Moreover, it’s the nonverbal communication you use with it that makes all the difference. It’s just too easy to bully someone without looking like a bully!

You know when you’re being bullied no matter how covert your bullies may be. The trick is to call it out in the early stages before the sneaky attacks become a set pattern.

Never let anyone grow too comfortable with abusing you. Why? Because they’ll escalate their bullying until it gets out of control.

And once bullying gets out of control, your bullies won’t even try to hide it! And that’s when you will be in grave danger!

So, call it out in the early stages. It’s the only way you’ll be able to put a stop to it!

3. Covert Bullying Examples:

Your bullies will make vague excuses.

Your bullies will make these statements When they can’t come up with a good excuse for their rotten behavior

Any time others ask your bullies why they behave the way they do toward you, they will often come up with vague excuses. Moreover, they’ll conjure up something that sounds plausible and makes sense.

For example, your bullies will make one of the following excuses:

  • “She just rubs me the wrong way!”
  • “I just don’t like him.”
  • “I just get a bad feeling about her!”
  • “There’s just something about him that I don’t like!”
  • “She just gives me a bad feeling!”
  • “I just don’t feel good around him!”
  • “Something about her just scares me!”

4. Your Bullies will pull “I just have a bad feeling about” so-and-so routine.

Let’s face it, we’ve all met people who instantly give us the heebie-jeebies. There will be those who make you suspicious of them. And you didn’t have to see them do anything for them to raise your alarm bells.

The person won’t even have to speak. They may even be a nice person and very well-behaved. However, you still won’t feel good around them.

Therefore, these explanations are so plausible. Because some people, regardless of whether they’ve done anything wrong, just seem to creep you out. And you should always follow your gut instinct.

However, these explanations are covert because they’re so plausible and relatable. Therefore, bullies can leverage them. In other words, they can use them to make others suspicious of you. As a result, people may even begin shunning and abusing you.

Covert Bullying Examples:

Others will suspect you too.

Understand that many bullies have the ability to charm and draw others to them.

Therefore, if the bully saying this about you happens to be a trusted and highly thought of person, those listening will automatically think, “Whoa! If so-and-so gives Becky a bad feeling, then what have I been missing here?”

Therefore, they will view you with a cautious eye too. Remember that moods, emotions, and behaviors have a highly contagion effect. In other words, they tend to spread over a group like a brush fire!

Here’s the thing. When people think highly of your bullies, they trust their judgment. Therefore, they’ll likely doubt their own senses and go with the word of the bully.

And they’ll do it simply because they like them. Put simpler, they will trust the bullies’ judgement more than they do their own.

But, know that these evil people are trying to be slick! The purpose for maneuver is to cast doubt on you in the eyes of others and provoke suspicion. Nothing more.

All it takes is one seed of doubt to start a long smear campaign. Therefore, the best thing to do is to see it for what it is. It’s a smear campaign in the making.

And just watch your bullies escalate it from there. Watch them try to “create” bogus stories.

Moreover, they’ll create proof to back it up. How will they do it?

They’ll do it by baiting you into an altercation. If you react, they’ll use your normal reaction and spin it to fit their twisted narrative. That’s how it works. So, be alert!

If possible, the best thing to do is to avoid them altogether. You want to save yourself a ton of drama. Remember! Out of sight, out of mind!

5. Covert Bullying Examples:

They will use Confabulations.

Many times, bullies will blow up on you for absolutely no reason. Later, when people question them about the blow-up, they won’t remember why they lost their temper.

Therefore, they’ll drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks. You must understand that bullies do this to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories to fill in the blanks.

Sometimes, people mistake confabulations for real memories.

When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. Therefore, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to be telling the truth?

It’s why they’re so good at justifying and rationalizing their abusive actions? When a person believes their own lies, others will likely believe them too.

Bystanders and witnesses

Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.

No one wants to be under a bully’s influence. However, people get sucked in all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies.

Moreover, those who saw through it and spoke out were silenced. Or, they paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.

Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon. And it’s why you must learn to properly counter them. Or, you can let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.

6. Covert Bullying Examples:

Bullies use Plausible Deniability

Most bullying is emotional and psychological torture. Sure, there are many physically violent bullies out there. They are psychologically traumatize you enough by using their fists.

However, most physical bullies aren’t socially intelligent. They aren’t persuasive.

Many of these types of bullies attack in groups wearing masks over their faces to ensure anonymity. Maybe they’re so well-connected that they’re almost untouchable.

Or, they don’t care about the consequences they will face.

Again, most bullies prefer psychological violence. And the reason is that there are no visible bruises or wounds to prove it. And without visible marks, there’s no proof of abuse.

The plausible deniability of it is what makes this tactic so covert.

Therefore, when you report the abuse, the perpetrators aren’t likely to get into trouble for it. Also, you stand a pretty good chance of taking the blame.

7. They Use Exaggerations and distortions.

These are the kinds of covert deception bullies love to practice. Bullies understand that a pure lie isn’t likely to be believed. Therefore, it would only discredit them.

However, if they tell a half-truth, people will more than likely believe it. A half-truth is a lie that contains a tiny grain of truth. And the cleverest of liars use them.

Exaggerations and distortions are the same as half-truths. They’re perfect for bullies because, again, there’s always a degree of truth to them.

For example, a bully will provoke you. They will keep provoking you until you get fed up.  You’ll finally to tell the bully to buzz off. And you may use a low, angry growl to do it.

Later, the bully will tell others about it, making sure to blow it up, and make it bigger than it was.  They’ll say that you started the confrontation. Moreover, they’ll exaggerate what happened.

 The bully may tell everyone else that you screamed and cursed them out. And they’ll leave out the part where they kept provoking you until you got tired of their crap and told them to buzz off.

And the part where you told them to buzz off? The bully will distort it by saying that you told them to f*** off.

Therefore, always be prepared when you know you’re going to walk into a snake pit.

Covert Bullying Examples:

How to Defend Yourself

Here are ways to defend yourself by gathering evidence:

1. Document it.

It’s crucial to document each bullying incidence and do it in detail. Use the 5W method (what, who, why, when, where…and sometimes how).

Write down what happened, who was involved, and who the bystanders and witnesses were. Also record why the bullying incident happened (retaliation for reporting a prior bullying incident?).

Be sure to include when it happened (date and exact time of incidence) and where it happened (school bathroom, locker room, behind the school, the company parking lot, etc.).

2. Wear a body camera

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction and the laws permit you to wear one, I recommend you wear a body camera. In fact, I can’t stress it enough!

Body cams that record both video and audio are your best bet. However, if you can only get a cam that records video, that’s fine too. With these, you can still capture physical attacks and body language.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a video is worth a thousand pictures. Why? Because if bullying is caught on video, there’s no question that it’s happening.

This is why it’s the best evidence you can get!

3. Covert Bullying Examples:

Keep a digital recorder handy

These are good for recording verbal altercations. Also, many of them can play recordings that  sound clear and not muffled.

4. Make 3-4 Copies of your evidence

Whether it’s documentation, body cam recordings, or digital audio recordings, it’s always best to make several copies of the evidence.

Why? Because schools and workplaces are notorious for deliberately misplacing or losing your evidence of bullying.

Yeah, I know. Convenient, isn’t it?

5. Keep each of your copies in different locations.

This is so important! Because, if you think school districts and companies won’t snoop, you’re only fooling yourself.  In fact, many entities have hired people to break into victims’ houses to search for evidence they can dispose of.

When it comes to the threat of being sued, schools and companies will resort to anything, and I mean anything!

6. Covert Bullying Examples:

Screenshot and save any nasty and abusive emails, texts, or private messages

Very important! Any time bullies resort to cyber-bullying you, they automatically leave a paper trail! Screenshot it, save it, and, if need be, print them all out.

Make copies of them. Store each copy in an entirely different place (your house, your grandma’s house, your lawyer’s office, etc.) Also, you can store them in a fireproof safe!

Realize that schools and companies may snoop through your garbage when you put it out on the street for the trash-men to pick up. Moreover, they may break into your vehicle or  your home to snoop around for any evidence you might have against them.

You must realize that these people will do anything to cover their butts. I can’t count the articles I’ve read about these things happening to targets of bullying, whether in school, the workplace, or community.

And in today’s world, bullies are now targeting their victims with surveillance drones. Also, school boards are targeting parents with electronic surveillance as well, then spreading their private information and pictures of children to some evil entities.

It’s a very dangerous world nowadays and you never know what sick people you’re dealing with.

7. Never count on anyone else to investigate bullying for you.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to gather your own evidence. Therefore, quietly do your own investigation.

It’s pointless to rely on the school or workplace to investigate for you. Why? Because the results will only be in the bullies’ and the investigating entity’s favor, not yours!

So, never, ever trust anyone else to gather evidence or investigate for you. When bullies target you for bullying, you cannot afford to trust anyone but yourself. I’m not joking!

When you’re bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. The only person you can depend on is you. Only you can gather the evidence you need to prove that bullies are targeting you. And, only you can take legal action, and get justice.

This post gave you all the covert bullying examples so that you’ll know them when you see them in real time.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

character vs reputation in the bible

Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You

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‘Want to know the differences of character vs reputation? If people have bullied you and unjustly ruined your reputation, know that your reputation doesn’t equal your character. Here, we discuss in detail how the two differ and the tactics bullies use to mar your good name.

character vs reputation

“Your reputation is what others think of you; your character is what you truly are. Reputations can be manipulated; character can only be developed and maintained.”

~ Bohdi Sanders ~

All too often, when a person is bullied, their reputation takes a big hit due to the many ugly rumors and lies spread by their tormentors.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn character vs reputation and how they differ. Also, you will learn how bullies destroy the reputations of good people and how others come to believe the lies.

Once you learn all these bits of information, not only will you be able to see through the lies when they happen to yourself and others. But you will also learn what you must do to protect yourself against smear campaigns your bullies may launch against you.

This post is all about character vs reputation and what you can do to protect your good name.

Character vs reputation

Bullying is a campaign. Just as politicians go about kissing babies and shaking hands with people on the street, giving a spiel of why they’re the best person for the office they’re running for, bullies do the same.

They go from person to person spinning their yarn about why no one should associate with you and why you’re such a contemptible person.

Your bullies will engage everyone, even your friends and family, pulling false accusations out of thin air. Moreover, they make them sound so convincing that others find the lies difficult not to believe.

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

Bullies attack your reputation to strip you of power. Once your reputation is gone, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack.

Therefore, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. Even worse, you’re at the mercy of virtually everyone around you.

You see? Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down. Why? Because they’ll have public opinion on their side.

They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.

Why Bullies are successful in making people believe the lies.

1. The tiny grain of truth tactic.

Tormentors will use a tiny grain of truth about you. In other words, they may bring up a simple mistake you made in the past (possibly an error which anybody could have made at any time).

They then add their spin to it, making it worse and more significant to make the story even more believable.

2. Character vs Reputation:

The Baiting tactic.

Here’s a good example of the baiting tactic.

Harassers will use subtle provocations, taunts, and assaults to bait you into an emotional reaction. Once they get the reaction from you that they’re looking for, they’ll turn around and use your perfectly normal human response as further proof that you’re mentally imbalanced.

Moreover, even if you don’t give them the reaction they want, your bullies will only double down in their efforts to get you to snap. And sadly, after being attacked for so long, it’s too easy for you to become worn down.

 And once you become exhausted, you’re likely to go the “eye for an eye” route and return the attacks (physically or verbally). Although defending yourself is a perfectly reasonable response, bullies will use it as confirmation that you’re the bad guy.

Therefore, you must be cautious in your counter-attacks. Also, you must carefully choose your battles. Why? Because, again, a well-experienced bully can easily use any reactions to validate any rumors lies about you.

Before long, even those who aren’t necessarily bullies will also shun and brutalize you. This is a sign that your bullies have tarnished your reputation and sadly, a ruined reputation can take years to repair.

3. the use of charm and allure.

You must realize that bullies are sociopathic. They have a wealth of superficial charm at their disposal. Therefore, they are masters in the arts of persuasion and influence.

Also, most superficially charming people are very skilled wordsmiths. This is why they can pull a complete fabrication out of their butts and make it smell sweet and sound plausible.

Because of this oozing charm that most seasoned bullies possess, they can encourage bystanders and sometimes authority (teachers, principals, monitors, etc.) to join in the torment.

4. Character vs Reputation:

Smear campaigns.

How do Smear Campaigns work?

It always starts subtly.  Bullies begin the smear campaign by planting seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.

They may start rumors by dropping a suggestion. Moreover, all it takes is one little rumor- just one!

Next, the bullies use repetition. They repeat the same rumor over and over again until it sticks. And sadly, once enough people believe it, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie.

In fact, by then, people will want to believe it.

And there’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.

In other words, bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, they’ll fade into the background because they know that with everything put together, whatever lies they spread will stick.

They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy!

Stage 1 of the Smear Campaign.

The bullies provoke you. You blow them off for a while but the bullies are relentless. Therefore, they not only continue but escalate the harassment.

Finally, you get fed up with their crap and, out of exhaustion and emotion, tell them to go to hell in a hand basket. And there! The bullies get the reaction they’ve been waiting for.

Now, the smear campaign begins. Your bullies start by suggesting that you’d be better off if you got professional help, moved, etc . They will say that it’s for your own good to look as if they have genuine concern for you.

Next, they may drop an offhand comment here and another there. Understand that bullies need to slowly and ever-so-gradually ramp up the smears. Why? So, that what they’re doing doesn’t appear so obvious.

Character vs Reputation

In the beginning, you may have friends. Others may like or even love you. Moreover, they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when the bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what he told you.”

Or, the bullies may lie to your friends by telling them that sometime in the past, you criticized them or stabbed them in the back.

Smear Campaign Stage 2.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies and higher-ups in the social hierarchy.

Moreover, they make false statements and accuse you of wrongs you never committed.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they grow until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. They know I’m a good person, and I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

However, you couldn’t be more wrong!

Character vs Reputation:

Smear Campaign stage 3.

Once the rumors get around, your friends will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth.

Therefore, by the time the open bullying is underway, you no longer have a clean reputation.

Character vs reputation:

The results of a successful smear campaign.

Now, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect or friendship. The people around you also feel that the reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into their hearts.

They’ll say that you put on a front, and you only weaseled your way into everyone’s good graces. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Moreover, others will make your past wins, accomplishments, successes, or accolades irrelevant. They will also maximize your mistakes and failures and add many more you didn’t make.

In other words, they will rewrite your history.

If you’re on your best behavior and others see it with their own eyes, they’ll only accuse you of being a con artist. Also, any hard evidence of your successes, friendships- anything positive, they’ll chalk it up to you being a smooth-talker who’s good at using charm to manipulate others.

And the friends that your bullies turn against you? They’ll claim that they never liked you from the start. Moreover, they’ll swear up and down that they were only kind to you because they felt sorry for you, or because you conned them.

Your so-called friends will tell others, “who you really are.” They’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations.

Also, they’ll say that they only agreed with you about your bullies because you fooled them into it.

Telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

I want you to understand that once people’s minds are already made up, there’s no changing it.

Character vs Reputation: Smear Campaign Stage 4

Stage 4 is the late stage. Therefore, in the late stages of a smear campaign, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators.

Gossip will be everywhere. And it brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, and human being.

Moreover, anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.

And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.

Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.

Here’s an example:

Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief.

Moreover, during the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, telling him about how he got his bad name and wishing he could go somewhere where no one knew him.

During the conversation, the character of Chris Chambers, played by River Phoenix, tearfully tells Gordy that a member of staff took the lunch money out of the teal.  However, he got blamed for it solely because of his family name. It was heartbreaking to watch.

And sadly, that happens a lot. In a majority of cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and to rebuild their lives.

 Therefore, it’s best just to find a way to get out of the environment altogether and never look back. Moreover, never have anything to do with any of these people again.

You owe it to yourself to kick them all to the curb.

Character vs Reputation:

Focus on your character and not your reputation.

Know that reputation does not equal character. In other words, your reputation is not who you are. Hold on to your self-love because these people do not know you nor do they deserve to.

Know that once you’re free of these people, you can start again, making new friends in your new area. Moreover, these new friends will see the awesome you that people in the old town missed out on. And you will live in peace and be surrounded by love once again.

It happened for me and it can happen for you too.

This post was all about character vs Reputation and the tactics bullies use to destroy your good name. Also, it was about the process and stages of the smear campaign and what you can do to escape it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

3. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

4. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

5. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying