‘Want to know why it’s so important to be careful what you share with people? Here you’ll learn why it’s essential to keep certain aspects of your life private.
Sharing too much information about your life isn’t only a sign of low self-esteem; it can also cause social trouble for you later. Why? Because there are toxic people out there who would jump at the chance to weaponize this kind of info against you.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you should be careful what you share to avoid giving your bullies any fodder to use against you. You will also learn the kinds of things you should keep to yourself.
Once you learn all about these social faux pas and how to correct them, you will be able to protect yourself from bullies and social predators better.
This post is all about why you should be careful what you share and the types of information you should keep quiet about.
Be Careful What You Share
The first step to this rule is knowing what not to share. Here is a list of things you should keep to yourself.
1. Your Goals
Not everyone needs to know your goals. This is for everyone, but especially if you’re a target of bullying.
Many people trumpet their goals and dreams. They announce their plans without realizing the potential ramifications.
Additionally, if you’re a target of bullying, you have more reasons to keep your plans, goals, and dreams to yourself and work quietly. Understand that any time you announce your objectives and agendas, you place yourself at risk of being sabotaged.
Realize that your bullies are waiting, with bated breath, to destroy you. And, they would love nothing more than to derail you from your goals.
Be Careful What You Share:
Not everyone wants you to succeed.
You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. And that includes some of your closest friends.
Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own personal failures and shortcomings. If you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior to reach success and overshadow them.
Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win, and when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.
It’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! In other words, you force them into the shadows while you get to shine and be recognized for your accomplishments.
This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight! So, understand that the one thing bullies crave most is attention and adoration. And when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!
IF you score a win, your bullies will make you pay for it.
Naturally, they will launch all sorts of attacks against you. Your bullies will make all sorts of accusations toward you. They’ll even bring up the mistakes of your past to drive you back into the shade.
You must see through their behavior. They only do it because their power has been threatened. And when a bully is threatened with losing power and being driven into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.
Therefore, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities. So, how do you handle this?
You handle it by simply staying above it. In other words, don’t react to the bullies’ foolishness. You deal with their abuse by continuing to enjoy your wins and successes and letting them stew in their own juices.
Just let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness! Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.
In the meantime, work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals and successes. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from bullies and a few other toxic life-suckers.
And the fewer roadblocks you will run into along the way. And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it, and with it, give your bullies the surprise of their lives.
“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”
2. Be Careful What you Share with people:
Good News
Good news is another thing bullies hate when it comes from you. Therefore, just to be safe, sometimes, you must keep your good news to yourself.
3. Your Successes
If you’re a victim of bullying, you can be sure that any successes you achieve will incite jealousy. Jealousy often leads to more bullying. Here’s why.
Most bullies believe that they are superior to you. Any time you make an achievement, they will see it as a threat to their power. Therefore, when you share any wins, your bullies will increase their attacks against you.
And they will do it not only to punish you, but also to keep you in your place. Therefore, it isn’t always safe to share your accomplishments.
Moreover, your bullies might convince others that you are bragging. In cases like this, please allow someone else to announce your success instead of doing it yourself.
4. Your Sex Life
This should go without saying. No one wants to hear about what goes on in your bedroom. When you share your sex life with others, you reveal yourself as classless. Also, you attract bullies who are itching to exploit that.
If you are a single female, your bullies may use it to paint you as a “slut,” “whore,” and other labels that attack the feminine virtues.
5. Be Careful What You Share:
Any History of Abuse
Bullies love to victimize people who are already suffering abuse. Why? Because when someone is abused, they are vulnerable. And bullies are cowards who go for the low-hanging fruit.
Remember that, in the animal kingdom, a pack of wolves always target the weakest animal in the herd to attack. Maybe the targeted animal is sick. Or, maybe the animal is wounded. So, wolves will zero in on that animal because they are the easiest prey.
It’s the same with bullies; they usually go after the person they deem the weakest. Therefore, someone who is or has been abused is easy prey. Why? Because victims of abuse typically have low self-esteem.
They’re least likely to defend themselves. Therefore, never tell anyone you were abused in the past unless it is someone you know you can trust.
6. Legal Problems
This is another detail about your life that you should keep to yourself. Even if it is as minor as a traffic ticket, bullies will find a way to exploit it. And your legal issues are none of anyone’s business.
It’s better to keep it private.
7. Be Careful What you Share with people:
Divorces or Breakups
No one needs to know about your divorce or breakup. Bullies will use it as confirmation that you are defective. And most people are judgmental these days.
It’s true that if you’re going through a divorce, it may show up in the local newspaper. However, you don’t have to be the one who announces it. Keep it to yourself.
8. Child custody
This is another thing to keep private, not only for yourself, but for your children as well. Evil people will rejoice over it because evil hates the sanctity of marriage and the beauty of family.
People who are jealous of you will see it as a form of justice. Again, some secrets should remain secrets.
9. Family Issues
This should be a no-brainer. Any problems you have in the family should stay in the family. Bullies will only spread it around and use it as confirmation that there is something wrong with you.
Therefore, don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know.
10. Be Careful what you Share:
Medical Diagnoses
Whether you were diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, no one needs to know except family and close friends. If you have a job, you may need to tell your supervisor and provide proof of your diagnosis.
This is understandable, as you may require time off work for hospitalizations and home recovery. However, many people, especially victims of bullying, may announce their diagnoses. They may do this in hopes of quelling any bullying.
However, it will only exacerbate the bullying. People are vicious these days, and they may rejoice over it. They may also bully you, hoping to make you sicker. Therefore, this is fodder bullies shouldn’t have.
11. Be Careful What You Share with people:
Who you voted for
In the past, people considered this a private matter, and it was understood and respected. It should still be private today. Why? Because today’s political climate is dangerous and, no matter what side of the aisle you are on, revealing your voting choices only invites bullying.
Therefore, keep that to yourself.
12. Your Finances
If nothing else, know this! Whether you are high or low-income, your money and bank account are no one else’s business.
Why? Two reasons. If you are high-income, you will incite envy. You may even bring resentment on yourself. If you are low-income, you will encourage pity, or worse, ridicule.
Therefore, your finances should remain secret!
13. Be Careful What you Share:
The Names of your Family Members
If people target you for bullying, the last thing they need to know is who you are related to. The reason for this is that bullies are known for targeting their victims’ families. Especially today!
Therefore, if you suffer bullying, you must do what you must do to keep your loved ones safe. Don’t reveal their names to anyone.
14. Your Home Address
Unless you want to risk bullies or their henchmen showing up on your doorstep, it’s best not to tell anyone your home address. With the doxxing culture that has washed over the world today, your bullies may find out where you live anyway.
However, you won’t be the one who gave the information to them. And, they will have had to work to get it. If possible, it’s best to keep your street address secret.
15. Your Phone Number
If bullies are targeting you, you don’t want them to have your phone number. Keep it secret and keep down the risk of any threatening and incendiary calls or texts.
5 reasons to guard your secrets
There are good reasons to keep certain parts of your life private. Here are five:
1. Reasons to Be Careful What you Share with people:
Bullies and other toxic people will use it against you.
Any traffic tickets, legal troubles, divorces, or other such negative situations are bully fodder. And bullies will gladly use it to poke holes in your character. The less people know, the better.
2. You might accidentally incite others’ jealousy.
Any good news, such as marriages, births, awards, accomplishments, and accolades, will only incite jealousy. For instance, if you are getting married, you may receive hatred from those who are having a difficult time finding a mate. People who have just experienced a breakup will also spew hatred toward you.
If you are pregnant, other women who want children and have difficulty conceiving will bully you out of jealousy. Women who have a hard time finding a mate will also give you a hard time. So, keep it to yourself until your expanding baby bump announces it for you.
Believe me. When you first discover you’re pregnant, I know how hard it is to keep to yourself. It’s an exciting time, and you can’t wait to share the great news. However, if you are a target of bullying, it’s not always wise. I found this out the hard way when I was expecting my first child.
Envy is an epidemic. Especially nowadays.
3. Be Careful What You Share:
You may lose out on opportunities.
For instance, if you are having legal troubles, you may lose out on job opportunities. Or, if people know about your sex life, you may lose social opportunities. Therefore, some things are better left unsaid.
4. Be Careful What You Share with people:
You may bring about judgment from others.
Any of the above secrets will bring judgment if exposed. And, whether or not they know anything, people will judge you anyway. So, it’s better to avoid making it any easier for them.
5. you may open yourself up to being a crime victim.
If you have a big bank account and you brag to everyone about it, it may reach the ears of criminals and place you in grave danger. Therefore, it’s best not to brag. Period!
This post is all about why you should be careful what you share with people so that you can raise your chances of safety and better avoid bullying.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying
2. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies
Like you say, Cherie, most of these are no-brainers but one should always be vigilant as to what they share. As for sex life, from a male perspective, bullies will use not having one against a male target. I know this from experience.
True on all of it, Michael. Thank you so much.
🙏🌞👍
Aum Shanti
Thank you so much, Shanti.
I love this blog. I think you hit on some key points here. The truth is most of us have very few actual friends in our life. Sometimes we seem to connect with someone for a season but when the season changes they often disappear. Always ask yourself who has been a true friend since childhood or perhaps college or your first real work experience. With college or work usually you are a young adult by that stage so you hope the childishness is gone. But I think a good gauge is examine who you consider your top 3 or 4 friends, aren’t they the only ones you really would trust with a secret. Plus even those you trust who aren’t bullies ask yourself how they reacted/cheated you when you did share a secret. I have had a few that didn’t have a positive reaction or eventually spread what I told them even as an adult. Then I had a few that proved they truly are a friend. Give you an example. There was a young woman I had a crush on in college. To this day I think the world of her and she is insanely still beautiful…AND I told her. She had no clue but she couldn’t have been nicer about it, never told anyone, and we remain very very close friends. If anything our friendship got stronger because of it. I realized then that is a true friend and I realized then how few people are like that.
I always liked when you said about politics and I have been guilty in the past about sharing my political views online etc. One day I realized I was being juvenile. One I realized I was immaturely trying to find people that agreed with me and justified my own opinion and beliefs and I loved going against the other side. What might start off civil would end up with both of us using showing our rearend. Then I would feel guilty of my behavior. Now everyone wants to voice their point of view and believes they are completely right on most things when the truth is neither side is anything to write home about. If someone ask you privately, directly what you believe you can have those conversations IF you trust the person or believe the person will respect your views but otherwise keep it quiet. There was a time when people used to never tell anyone. I even posted political pictures on my Social Media. That’s just trying to start something and I am quite certain I didn’t influence a single person to vote my way but pissed off plenty of people. Case and point, I was looking at Presidential approval ratings for all the Presidents in the last 20 or 30 years. The fact is they usually run between 38-45 percent. That’s ALL of them which means over half of all people dislike the job that the President is doing BOTH parties. In other words, we are so polarized these days there is never going to be a truly liked or popular President again. If you are a diehard Right Winger, you are going to defend/support a Right Wing President. If you are a diehard Left Winger, you are going to defend/support a Left Wing President. And for the remaining 60 percent of the country they are going to hate your choice. In other words, keeping our views quiet is much wiser.
Excellent comment, Craig. And you’re absolutely right. Few of us have real, true friends. True friends are hard to come by, and that is for all of us. There are reasons why some individuals may appear to have a large number of friends, but many of them may be superficial. Some are there because the person is of high status, and they want to be seen with them so that their own status increases as well. And, as you said, friends come and go all the time. There’s also a truth in the 3rd point you made as well, though fake friends may not always be bullies, they don’t keep secrets very well, and I’m glad that the girl you mentioned kept your secret, it showed her integrity, and that’s why she remains a friend to you today.
As for politics, different people have different views, and I’m proud of you for realizing it, Craig. Sometimes we have epiphanies like that, and we become more self-aware, trying to do better. It sounds like you’ve done that.
Lots to think about here. I think a good rule of thumb is to sit down and list who you truly trust, who is on the borderline, and who you think is an opportunists. Many of us would be shocked to find out how few people we truly trust and how many “friends” are are on list 2 or 3. And when we do share a secret, I think it is a wise idea to never share it at school or in a work place setting. If you do share something, you talk to the person in a private one on one setting and gauge how they are responding to it. Do they show any empathy or sympathy or are they passive-aggressive or downright aggressive or condemning? Stop sharing if you get a bad vibe. Also ask yourself which of your friends also has something critical to say or even in a romantic relationship are there things you have to hide from your partner such as a friendship with the opposite sex or some sort of personal success you have found such as winning an award, being invited to do something, discouragement when it comes to projects you are working on, etc. Those are people you never can fully invest in. Who has been there at your BEST and at your WORST. They and only they, get to know some of your secrets. Let me also say when you mentioned politics I cringed because some of your readers including myself had a back and forth with you regarding Charlie Kirk. I wasn’t a fan and others weren’t either but some were and we borderline started going after one another. Not good on any of our parts. That is why we should keep our views largely to ourself. In that case, no one’s death on either side should be celebrated. You have a right to indifference or maybe weren’t a fan of someone, but when someone is gone if you can’t say anything nice, you keep your thoughts to yourself. I didn’t do that and I was wrong for it.
Thank you so much, Bradley. And know that I forgive you and hold no ill will for you. And yes, you always need to know who you can and can’t trust. And when you get a bad vibe, that is your gut warning you, and you should always listen to your gut instinct. Another interesting point you made is that those you must hide your successes from are those you should watch closely. To quote Marilyn Monroe, “…If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you damn sure don’t deserve me at my best.” She made a great point, and we should all strive to live by it. I hope you have a wonderful day. Blessings!
I loved Craig’s post. It hit home two of my own thoughts. One he talked about having feelings for a friend of his at one time. I am glad he told them, I think most of us have had similar situations and when y9u never admit it and talk about, you never have real closure. It isntba reflection of one’s current relationship or marriage or whatever, it’s getting closure! Plus sometimes it can strengthen a friendship or in some cases if both parties are single it may open a door. But regardless closure means a lot and it is the same mindset really with bullying…closure. In my life, I have had a couple of formal bullies apologize and we talked and it gave me closure and made me realize the issues were with them not with me. Closure means everything. By the same token, those who never change, never own it, you still can’t be in the same room with those people.
Regarding politics, I voiced my views on a recent post of yours as well and you know what, that is a sad truth on both sides. Political difference of opinions have led to major adult bullying. Both parties name call one another like 5 year Olds and even most of us post our politics on social media and when someone disagrees with us instead of civility, 90 percent of the time it ends up in a piss contest. You come on my Social Media most of my friends/followers share my views so if someone of a different view comes on there, chances are they are going to be ganged up on. If I go over to their page chances are they are going to gang up on me. I preach anti-bullying yet when it comes to Politics I can show my tail. I will do better!
Thank you so much, Kandi. There are no hard feelings and everything’s alright. I agree, he was right to tell her the truth, and I love the fact that she respected him enough to keep it private. It resulted in a lifelong friendship. And the internet can be a mean place with people ganging up on you. I’ve had it happen to me, too, so I do my best to be respectful, no matter how different others’ views may be from mine. Again, thank you so much. Wishing you a wonderful day ahead!
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Thank you very much, Kyra. Much appreciated!
Several people hit the nail on the head. Be careful what you share and who with. I think since politics were mentioned here, that and religion are probably the two areas you have to be careful about even around people you like and trust. Those are very personal issues and no two people see any of that exactly the same. I think the problem lies is we have become so polarized, it is hard to find people who try to see both sides and all points of view and have the art of compromise. Plus be aware of anyone who is so intolerant and inflexible that don’t even try to have empathy or consider someone else’s feelings. Watch out for jealous people as well too. I don’t want to ever be around someone who is constantly questioning or suspicious of me.
I like what others said in terms of giving examples of sharing a secret or something personal with someone. I actually think it is good to do that. One you learn who you can trust and two it is good to get things off your chest.
Oh, yes! People who are intolerant and those who are jealous will repeat everything you told them in confidence at the first opportunity. It’s how they roll!