selective outrage examples psychology

Selective Outrage Examples: Here’s What it Looks Like

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Still don’t understand exactly what selective outrage looks like? Here are several selective outrage examples to make it easier for you to know the context of it, so that you won’t doubt it when you see it.

selective outrage examples

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Selective outrage is a form of conditioning. It is used strictly for control. And bullies use it all the time to keep their victims under their thumb.

Therefore, in this post, you will discover several selective outrage examples so that you will know, without a doubt, what it looks like.

Once you realize how it looks in real life, you will be able to call it out when you see it. You will also be able to protect yourself from hypocrisy and double standards.

This post will give you several selective outrage examples so that you can defend yourself if bullies try to single you out for behavior others get away with.

Selective Outrage Examples

As mentioned earlier, selective outrage is a form of psychological and behavioral control. Also, it is hypocrisy. People in power use it to praise one person or group and punish another. So, what are examples of this biased anger? Here they are.

1. You’re a girl who’s in a Genuine Love Relationship.

For example, you’re a girl, and others learn that you’re in a monogamous romantic relationship. You and this young man have been seeing each other for nearly a year.

Moreover, you aren’t only dating; you’re having sex every weekend.

If you’re the target of bullying, they label you a “whore.” Your boyfriend must be with you to get into your pants. And it’s only a matter of time until he gets tired of you and dumps you for someone better.

Therefore, everyone uses your lack of celibacy as an opportunity to persecute you.

On the other hand, what if it’s another girl, particularly one who isn’t a target of bullying? She isn’t necessarily a member of the popular crowd. She just isn’t bullied like you are. She’s just an average Jane who blends in well.

As long as she isn’t you, she’s only a girl in love. She and her boyfriend are only experimenting. They’re exploring the sexual terrain. Others only see it as “being in love.”

Therefore, because she’s not you, everyone cuts her some slack. They don’t say anything about it. Or, they congratulate her for reaching the milestone of finding love and losing her virginity.

In short, because they hate you, they resent that you have someone who loves you. So, they want to punish you for it.

Selective Outrage Examples:

2. You like to party, and you and your buddies were caught Drinking at a kegger.

You’re a boy in school who goes out, drinks, and does drugs on the weekends.

If you’re a target of bullying, people will label you a worthless drunk. Also, they’ll say that you’re a wildcard. And they won’t let you live it down.

However, if you’re anyone else, people only say that you’re a hell-raiser! You’re only doing what most teenage boys do. Therefore, others dismiss it as you being one of those rowdy kids from high school.

3. You’re a girl in high school, AND YOU’VE RECENTLY DISCOVERED that you’re Pregnant.

You’re a girl in high school, and you discover that you’re pregnant.

If you’re a victim of bullying, people call you a cheap little slut. Moreover, they won’t be surprised you’re “knocked up.” And they’ll shun you like Hester Prynne in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter.”

Everyone judges you harshly. They will make predictions. They’ll swear that you and your baby will live on welfare and leech from society.

Also, they’ll predict that they and everyone else will have to support you with their tax dollars. Why? Because you’re a sorry excuse for a human being.

Another thing they might do is predict that you’ll be an unfit mother. In other words, they’ll attack your parenting skills before you get a chance to use them.

However, if you’re anyone else, they’ll say that you’re just a good girl who made a bad mistake. Therefore, everyone will reach out to you and extend compassion.

They may throw you a baby shower and celebrate the occasion. Do you see where I’m going with this? These double standards are firmly put in place to keep a select few down and oppressed.

Therefore, if you find yourself in this situation, stand up to them. The best way to do it is to tell them to eff all the way off.

Selective Outrage Examples:

4. You’re involved in a school fight because you decided to start defending yourself against physical bullying.

No one said a word all those years your bullies were pounding your face in. In fact, some even cheered it on. However, all of a sudden, it’s a problem the moment you begin fighting back.

In other words, if your bully kicks your ass, everyone approves. But when you finally kick theirs, everyone is surprised… and outraged!

“How dare you!”

Another thing they may do is ask you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

School staff and workplace managers are so guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put it off on you. Don’t let them do it!

Call them out on it. Let them know that you see through that statement. Tell them you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior. And when you say it, mean it.

Selective Outrage Examples:

Thirdly, they may shift everyone’s focus from the bullies’ actions to your reactions.

Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it. And they do this to make you ashamed of defending yourself.

Moreover, they want you to doubt your own judgment. Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that witnesses will blame you. They also hope that you’ll shut your mouth.

5. You speak out when a bully verbally abuses you.

When everyone else speaks out, they’re being assertive. They’re expressing their right not to be abused.

But when you do it, you’re being rude and disrespectful. Or, people may tell you that you’re “too sensitive.”

Whatever their response may be, they’re singling you out for things others get away with. Therefore, you must call them on it, no matter what they may try to shut you down.

Selective Outrage Examples:

6. Sometimes you like to act a little silly to have fun.

Sometimes you just need to let loose and have fun. There’s nothing wrong with that. And it isn’t something to be ashamed of.

When others cut up and act silly, they’re only horsing around and having fun. That sounds fair enough. However, it suddenly bothers people when you do it.

Instead of having fun, they accuse you of being annoying or acting foolish. If nothing else, know this. It isn’t your behavior they take issue with. It’s who you are.

But understand the hidden context here. These people hate you. And the last thing they want is to see you having fun.

So, why not keep pissing them off? Keep having fun, and to hell with what they say about it.

7. You’re friendly to strangers.

Here’s another example. A new kid comes to school. When others are friendly toward them, they’re doing just that – being friendly. However, when you do it, you’re sucking up.

Others make derogatory statements to shame you into shrinking yourself. They try to get you to stop being friendly to the person.

Understand that this is a targeted attack. When it looks like you’re about to make a friend, bullies and everyone else will feel threatened. Why?

Because if you succeed in making a friend, it will challenge the narrative. What narrative? You may ask. The narrative that you’re undesirable – that you’re a bad person.

Therefore, they will do whatever it takes to keep you from proving them wrong.

Selective Outrage Examples:

8. You offer help when you see someone struggling.

When anyone else offers help, it is genuine, and they only want to assist another human being.  But when you do it, others, especially bullies, will accuse you of trying to score brownie points.

Here are a few names they may call you.

  • Ass-kisser
  • Brown nose
  • Suckup
  • Simp

Again, understand why bullies do this. It’s because they hate you with a passion. And, secretly, they can’t stand the thought of you making a friend.

Friends become allies. And you having allies threatens the power your bullies hold over you. Therefore, they’ll do anything to keep you friendless.

The best thing for you to do is tell them to piss off and mind their own damn business.

9. You’re a girl, and you like to wear tight jeans.

You’re a thin girl with a good body. You know it, and you’re confident with it. So, why not show off your curves with tight-fitting jeans?

Therefore, you confidently rock those denims. Your bullies see you. And they attack your confidence by ridiculing you and telling you that you look like a desperate slut.

But see it for what it means. Bullies despise any confidence in their victims. Why? Again, it threatens their power. So, what do they do? They try to knock you down a peg or two.

Don’t let them do it. Continue to rock those jeans. Know that you look good no matter what they say.

Selective Outrage Examples:

10. You love to dress up for school.

You like to dress up for school because it makes you feel good. Therefore, you confidently rock your outfits. Your bullies notice and accuse you of showing off to get attention.

You must understand what’s up with them. They’re probably jealous of your clothes. Or, your confidence threatens their power.

So, don’t let them cause you to dress down. They’ll only find something else to say.

11. You’re on the football team, and you score a touchdown.

You’re being bullied, and you’re on the football team. You’ve been practicing harder, and it pays off. You score a touchdown.

Anyone else would get cheers and compliments. However, they only ridicule you. Others claim that you’re trying to show off. Or, they may say you just got lucky.

This should only make you feel better. Their reactions only prove their frustration. Therefore, keep practicing and getting better.

Selective Outrage Examples:

12. You score 94 – 100 on a big test.

You take a big test and score an A. If you were anyone else, they wouldn’t say anything. Or, maybe they’d praise you for being smart. However, you’re you. So they only accuse you of trying to impress the teacher.

Don’t let this slow you down. Keep making these good grades, and to hell with what they say about it.

13. Ignoring everyone else’s missteps but being quick to point out yours.

Anyone else can make a mistake, and they’re only human. But God forbid you make one. When you’re bullies. Others get leeway. But when you make a mistake, they make a big deal out of it.

Don’t let it get to you. Realize that we all goof every now and again. Instead of regretting the mistake, learn from it.

In Conclusion

You must learn about selective outrage. Because the more you know about it, the less it will bother you when bullies use it to bring you down.

This post gave you all the selective outrage examples so that you will recognize it when you see it. Then, it won’t faze you if bullies use it to try and destroy your confidence.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Selective Outrage: 7 Reasons Bullies Use It

2. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

3. Manipulators: 8 Ways They Manipulate

4. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

Facts About Selective Outrage: 13 Truths You Need to Know

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Want to know all the facts about selective outrage? Here are the truths you need to know.

facts about selective outrage

 

When you suffer bullying, your bullies may hold you to standards that don’t apply to others. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the facts about selective outrage so that you can recognize it and stand up to it when it happens to you.

Once you learn all about these crucial truths, you will be able to see them as they happen and protect yourself.

This post will give you all the facts about selective outrage so that you’ll have the knowledge to call it out when you see it.

Facts About Selective Outrage

Selective outrage is a tool for bullies and a weapon against victims.

1. Selective outrage isn’t about morality. It’s about controlling perception, protecting high status, and punishing dissent.

In short, selective outrage is about keeping you in your place. Bullies use selective outrage to keep you from speaking up. As long as they keep you silent, you don’t speak against their narrative.

Moreover, it keeps them beyond reproach. Selective outrage isn’t only a bullying tactic, it’s a tool for social control.

2. The best way to spot it is to know your worth.

The importance of loving yourself cannot be overstated. Once you know your worth, selective outrage becomes much clearer. Therefore, you stop internalizing double standards.

When you have self-love, you stop asking, “What did I do wrong?” Instead, you start asking, “Why do they only enforce these rules with me?”

And when this happens, it’s much easier to call it out.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

3. It is often organized, even if it is unspoken or unwritten.

It rarely operates alone. Therefore, it’s a coordinated attack. In the bullying dynamic, several people play their part. Here are the different parts people play in selective outrage.

  • Loud moral-enforcers
  • Quiet enforcers
  • Concerned witnesses
  • Authorities who involve themselves at the wrong time.

the loud moral-enforcer.

These people are the moral grandstanders of the mob. They are the leaders. Moreover, they are “righteous hypocrites.” Why? Because they will condemn the same thing in you that they allow those they like to get away with.

They may also give those they dislike less than they do you a free pass. But see this for what it is. It’s a blatant double standard.

And call it out. They may lash out worse when you do. But know that they get angrier because they know that you’re telling the truth, and their anger is only proof of that.

the Quiet Enforcers.

These are often those who silently choose to obey the double standards. They are those who choose not to act or speak in ways that go against those so-called standards.

Facts about Selective Outrage:

Concerned Witnesses.

The concerned bystanders are those who witness the unequal outrage. They are fully aware of the bias against you. However, they usually stay silent because they don’t want to suffer the same fate as you do.

Better you than them.

Authorities who INVOLVE themselves at the wrong time.

It’s not always planned, but it’s a social alliance. Groups will automatically protect the dominating narrative. This is why the outrage is usually contagious. It spreads like a communicable disease.

When those in authority intervene, they often come in at the tail end of the confrontation. In other words, they may not have seen the bullies provoke you. But they see you acting in self-defense.

Therefore, they label you the aggressor and punish you.

4. the outrage isn’t triggered by your behavior, it’s triggered by a threat to someone’s status.

You usually trigger selective outrage when you…

  • assert a boundary
  • Stop complying
  • Stop trying to explain yourself
  • Quit apologizing
  • Start getting a little bit of respect

Facts About Selective Outrage:

Asserting boundaries

Bullies don’t recognize boundaries. Therefore, when you start setting boundaries, expect them to react angrily. Expect them to retaliate.

Refusal to comply

When you stop complying with their demands, bullies no longer control you. And when bullies lose control, they will become highly pissed. They will feign outrage to reinforce their power.

Refusal to explain.

When you stop explaining your behavior, you take back your power. Bullies are control freaks. Therefore, they won’t like it.

Refusal to apologize

When you stop apologizing, you don’t feel guilty for anything that isn’t worth guilt. Unnecessary guilt is what bullies count on for control. And when they can have it, you know what comes next.

getting respect

Usually, part of the bullies’ narrative is that their targets aren’t worthy of respect. And when people start respecting you, it contradicts that.

Moreover, when a bully’s narrative collapses, so does their power. If nothing else, understand this. It isn’t what you did, it’s what you stopped putting up with.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

5. Selective outrage breeds “moral inversion.”

Moral inversion is when the victim is portrayed as the aggressor. Here are several examples in the bulleted list below.

  • If you defend yourself, you’re not protecting yourself; you’re escalating the bullying.
  • If you document the bullying, you’re not gathering evidence; you’re obsessing over it.
  • You withdraw? You’re not doing it to protect yourself from abuse; you’re doing it to be passive-aggressive. Or you’re being anti-social.
  • If you’re friendly, you’re sucking up.
  • If you laugh, you’re trying to get attention.
  • Or, if you cry, you’re being dramatic.
  • If you smile, you’re faking happiness.
  • If you dress up, you must be trying to get a date or get laid.

This kind of outrage inverts reality. It is the most dangerous because it can cause you to doubt yourself. Moreover, bullies can use it for anything, and I mean anything you say and do, good or bad.

6. It takes advantage of social myths.

Selective outrage thrives on social myths.

  • The louder a person is, the more they care.
  • Anger is righteousness.
  • If a large number of people are outraged, then it must be true.
  • If you’re quiet and calm, you’re guilty of something.
  • And you’re private, you’re trying to hide something.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

The louder a person is, the more they care.

This is false. However, too many people still fall for it. Emotion is often mistaken for passion, but it can be faked. And you can usually tell because body language doesn’t match the emotion. Here’s how to pick up on feigned emotions.

  • The person appears to cry, but no tears are falling.
  • The person smiles with their mouth but not their eyes.
  • They’re angry in public but not in private.
  • They only cry, scream, or shout when an audience is present.
  • Calling you out for a certain behavior but staying silent when someone else displays the same behavior.

Anger is righteous.

In cases of selective outrage, bullies claim that their anger proves their righteousness. But does it really? Again, true anger means being consistent with your principles.

Therefore, if they condemn certain actions in one person and not in others, they have no principles. Therefore, they’re only posing for the cameras.

Also, many people fake outrage because you’re a safe target and it’s safe to do so. Or they may do it because it benefits them in some way. Again, the keyword here is “selective.”

Facts About Selective Outrage:

IF a large number of people are OUTRAGED, then it must be true.

Not so. People will do whatever they must to belong. And if that means faking outrage, they’ll do it to be part of a majority.

Remember that hate unites people faster than love. And hate inspires outrage. Therefore, many will feign outrage to gain unity with others. Some outrage is strictly for group cohesion.

It’s not that you did anything wrong. And it’s not that you hurt anyone. You’re probably innocent of any wrongdoing. However, they want to make you look evil. Then, they can use you as a tool to boost camaraderie among themselves.

If you’re quiet and calm, you’re guilty of something.

Sure, some stay quiet and calm to hide something they’ve done wrong. However, this isn’t true for everyone.

Lots of people are quiet and calm, and it’s a part of who they are. Moreover, being so is how many handle altercations, so this is not a bad thing.

However, bullies are experts at twisting anything to suit their narrative. And sadly, quiet and calm people are mistakenly judged as being sneaky. Many assume that they’re trying not to draw attention to themselves.

Hence the old saying, “It’s the quiet ones you should watch out for.”

Facts About Selective Outrage:

If you’re a private person, you’re trying to hide something.

Again, not true. If you’re a private person, it’s not about having anything to hide. It’s that some things just aren’t anyone else’s business.

You wouldn’t strip naked and run through the streets, revealing certain body parts. And the same goes for certain aspects of your life.

You have as much right to privacy as anyone else. Therefore, if there are certain things you don’t want people to know, that’s your prerogative.

So, don’t let anyone intimidate you into revealing personal details about your life. Guard your privacy with your life.

7. Selective outrage is performed.

In other words, it’s a bunch of emotional theater. Many people fake intense anger for show. And, it’s usually because it’s fashionable or because it benefits them.

But sadly, people will feel compelled to respond to emotional intensity rather than evidence.

8. This kind of outrage deliberately baits a reaction.

When bullies manufacture outrage, they also do it to lay a trap for you. They put you on the defensive and try to get you to over-explain. Moreover, they try to get you to apologize needlessly.

Or they may bait you into lashing out emotionally. You may also withdraw in shame. However, if you do any of these things, you will only confirm the narrative they’re trying to push. But if you stay calm, you expose the narrative.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

9. It is used to destroy your reputation.

  • Creates a negative pattern of you in the minds of others
  • Positions you as evil
  • Adds stigma to your name.

Creates a negative pattern of you in the minds of others

Through this kind of outrage, bullies can take one bad incident and mold it into a defining character flaw. In this, they make you seem like a serial rule violator.

Moreover, they ignore context. In other words, it won’t matter whether someone was abusing you and you were defending yourself. All they’ll care about is that you stand up to them and “got out of line.” That you didn’t “know your place.”

It also strips away humanity. How? You may ask. Others no longer see you as a human being. Instead, they see you as a symbol of what behaviors they should avoid. Moreover, they won’t see you as just “wrong.” They’ll see you as morally inferior.

It can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Put another way, you may react defensively and emotionally. And others will only take your justified reaction as proof that you really are an evil person.

When bullies blast you for behaviors others get away with, it trains others to watch for those behaviors. If done long enough, others will view even your neutral behavior through a negative lens. Moreover, they will ignore any good deeds that come from you.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

Positions you as evil

You will be under the influence of the Reverse Halo Effect or Horns effect. Any good you do will be looked at with suspicion. People will think your good behavior is only for ulterior motives.

This usually happens in the late stages of bullying. Therefore, unless you leave the environment, you won’t be able to change anything, no matter what.

Adds stigma to your name

Selective outrage forces you to wear a modern-day scarlet letter. It associates you with one mistake without considering your overall character.

Also, it takes away context because it doesn’t consider the overall situation. In other words, no one cares about what caused your behavior or the intent behind it.

In fact, bullies intentionally take everything out of context to stigmatize you. Stigma is damn hard to remove, and they know it.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

10. Authority looks at optics, not fairness.

When authority sees outrage, they will ask:

  • Who looks the calmest?
  • Who seems more reasonable?
  • What protects the angry mobs’ image?
  • What is the easiest way to resolve this?

People who appear the calmest and most reasonable will win the most credibility. More than likely, selective outrage will make you a mental wreck. You will be nervous and, worst of all, emotional.

The angry mob might be more emotional than you. But there are also more of them than there are of you. Therefore, because they outnumber you, the authority will more than likely side with them and do what they want.

And what the mob wants is for authority to protect their image and trash yours. Moreover, they want authority to punish you. Therefore, those in power will do so because it will be the easiest way to solve the problem.

The mob, because of its numbers and loudness, has more power than you. Therefore, the easiest way to solve this is to punish you. And why not, if it will shut them up and get them to go away?

Authority will usually punish the person with the least power. And that person is you if you’re a victim of bullying and selective outrage.

It’s not about justice. It’s about what’s easiest.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

11. Selective outrage is dangerous. Why? Because IT… 

  • forces you to constantly monitor your tone of voice.
  • shrinks your voice.
  • causes you to over-apologize.
  • Hide to keep people from seeing you.
  • Anticipate outrage before it happens.

You keep from sounding angry and emotional so as not to trigger the bullies. This shrinks your voice. Instead of speaking assertively, you speak flatly or quietly.

You may over-apologize to keep everyone off your back. Or you may hide to be “out of sight and out of mind.”

You may predict outrage before it happens. Therefore, you consistently monitor yourself to keep from attracting the wrong attention.

Therefore, to protect yourself, you start enforcing the double standard on yourself.

12. This kind of outrage hides behind “virtue.”

Bullies often disguise it as:

  • Advocacy
  • Professionalism
  • Spiritual Maturity.
  • Justice.
  • Mental health awareness
  • Community standards.

Many bullies become advocates for different causes. However, they’re only virtue signalling. So, they use that to bully. Workplace bullies may accuse you of being unprofessional if you stand up to them.

Moreover, many bullies view submission to abuse as emotional maturity. Or, they may paint their behavior as justice for something you did to them.

Nowadays, many bullies use mental health as a crutch. They also use it as a license to bully. And because they’re “mentally sick,” you’re supposed to feel sorry for them and let them abuse you.

Lastly, bullies may hide behind community standards. However, in most cases, those standards are intentionally vague. Vagueness is a tool they use to punish anything they don’t like, right or wrong.

Understand that their language may sound noble, but it’s really abusive… and targeted. How? If their values were real, they’d apply them to everyone, not just you.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

13. Selective outrage conditions you.

How? You may ask. It programs you to:

  • Stay quiet.
  • Stay small.
  • Stay invisible.
  • Be agreeable.
  • Be useful.
  • Not to threaten the social order.
  • Stay with the status quo.
  • Take abuse.

When bullies use this kind of outrage, they do it to force you to submit. Why? Because if you don’t comply, they have no power. Understand that your compliance is their power.

What can you do?

Never ask, “Did I do something wrong?” Because they will either tell you that you did or they will react with sarcasm and say something to the tune of, “Wow! You don’t know?”

Instead, ask yourself, “Would they react this way if someone else did the same?” Then, confidently call that out if the answer is yes.

And refuse to comply, no matter how hard they make things for you. This is what you do to keep your sanity. And if all else fails, remove yourself from the environment.

Selective outrage is everywhere, especially today. The more you know about it, the more you recognize it, and the better you protect yourself from it. Remember that it’s okay to defend yourself.

This post gave you all the facts about selective outrage so that you can recognize it when it happens to you and have the courage to stand up to it and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Selective Outrage: 7 Reasons Bullies Use It

2. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important 

3. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

4. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do

5. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

inciting bullying behavior

Inciting Bullying

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‘Want to know about inciting bullying and how bullies do it? Here are all the dirty details you need to know.

inciting bullying

Not only do bullies love to bully you personally. They also like to incite bullying between you and others. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what inciting bullying looks like.

Once you learn all about these vital details, it will save you a lot of trouble because you will be able to head it off before you get sucked into the drama.

This post is all about what inciting bullying looks like so that you can recognize it when it happens to you. And you can stop it before it starts.

Inciting bullying

So, what tactics do bullies use to incite bullying? Here is a list of them.

1. Baiting you into an altercation with someone else.

Bullies will often bait you into a confrontation with someone outside the bully/victim relationship. Here are several reasons:

  • To create a situation where they can watch gleefully as someone else reams you out.
  • Turning others against you.
  • Creating drama and entertainment
  • To parade you in front of an audience
  • Distracting attention from their own evil deeds. In other words, if others are too busy fighting each other, they’re too occupied to pay attention to what the bullies are doing.
  • To isolate you by making you look like the bad guy. The more people they can turn against you, the worse you look, and the less power you have.

When this happens, those who your bullies pit against you will start their sentences off as:

  • “Hey! I heard you’re trying to get with my boyfriend!”
  • “Somebody told me that you did…”
  • “I heard you told so-and-so such and such!”
  • “Somebody told me you’re talking smack about me behind my back! How about having the guts to say it to my face!”

Did you notice the first two to three words in each of the bulleted sentences?

Here are your First Clues of Inciting Bullying.

This is what happens when a bully instigates conflict between you and someone you don’t usually have trouble with. The first words out of your accuser’s mouth will be,

  • “I heard…”,
  • “Somebody told me…”
  • “It’s going around that…”
    or
  • “It was brought to my attention…”

Those first few little words are your first clues of incitement. In other words, one or more of your bullies is trying to pit these people against you.

The Correct Way to Respond

Therefore, if you face this scenario, laugh at the accuser and use one of the comebacks below.

“Really? Have you heard? You’re  so gullible you’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“Wow! And you believed that? Boy, are you a moron!”
“Gee, you’ll fall for anything, won’t you!”

Challenge your accuser’s intelligence, then walk away laughing. You will stun your accuser. And you will sorely disappoint your bullies, who will surely be watching from afar.

How I wish I were this quick in school. However, as an adult, I am better able to defuse it with the above counterstatements.

Always imply that your accuser is a fool for believing the lies. I guarantee that the person will back down. Moreover, the bullies will think twice about trying to sow discord a second time.

It worked for me.

2. Inciting Bullying:

The Secret Admirer Bait

Your bullies will use this to bait someone to insult and humiliate you. And they’ll usually do it when there’s a big crowd around to see it.

Here’s how it Works:

Your bullies and a few classmates or coworkers will spot you in the parking lot. This is where large crowds usually gather there between classes or during breaks. You’ll be nearby and within earshot.

If you happen to be a female, the bullies will point to a nearby male and say,

“Hey, (your name)! John said he was madly in love with you!”
John will then get on the defensive and say,
“Oh, hell, no! I don’t like that ugly thing!” or, “That whore? No freakin’ way!”

Therefore, by doing this, your bullies slyly bait John into a knee-jerk reaction. And he will insult and humiliate you. The bullies achieve gratification by seeing John disrespect you.

Moreover, the icing on the cake is that he did it loudly, in front of an audience.

The secret admirer bait is mainly used in middle and high school. However, immature adults also use it against victims at work.

If this happens, deal out a good burn for the dummy who allowed themselves to be used by your bullies. You can say something like,

“No chance. I could never be that desperate, and you could never get that lucky.”

Then keep walking. They’ll deflate like a popped balloon.

Your witty comeback will sting the poor sucker who took the bully’s bait and tried to insult you. But hey! Better them than you. Right?

It’s always best to have a few good burns lined up and filed away, just in case someone decides to get cute. So, be prepared. Always find a good way to defend yourself.

3. Inciting Bullying:

The Invitation bait

In this situation, the bullies will, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, become chummy with you. They’ll pretend to have a change of heart. However, they do this to bring down your defenses and win your trust.

After they’ve won your trust, the bullies will invite you to a party, cookout, sleepover, or kegger. And, once they lure you there, they will set you up for a physical attack or humiliation.

Furthermore, they may even encourage you to drink alcohol or do drugs. Then, once they get you drunk or high, they may manipulate you into some compromising situations. Both school-aged and adult bullies use this little tactic.

Here are the signs to look for.

  • Sudden change of heart.
  • Overly friendly.
  • Excessive flattery.
  • You get the feeling that something is off.

No one ever becomes true friends overnight. Bullies will suddenly start to buddy up to you. And it will seem to come out of nowhere. Moreover, your gut will nag the hell out of you.

Pay attention because these are red flags!

Also, your bullies will lay the flattery on thick! They’ll overdo the pleasantries. Moreover, it will sound so sickeningly sweet that you’ll want to grab a barf bag.

Know that bullies are very convincing. If you’re young and still in school, you might overlook the yuck if you aren’t careful.

The best thing to do is steer clear! Why? Because the creeps are up to no good. Don’t go anywhere with them. Because once you’re alone with them, you’re at their mercy!

The more you stir shit, the more it stinks. And the more it stinks, the more they like it. Bullies are notorious for sowing discord among others. They can’t seem to get enough drama. In fact, they thrive on it.

Inciting Bullying:

Sowing discord is done in politics.

Understand people sow discord in politics all the time. In fact, it’s what the media is best at. It is called the Divide-and-Conquer strategy. And sadly, it works.

The next time someone tries to turn you against a friend or tries to turn a friend against you, ask yourself. Who would the division benefit most? You, your friend, or the instigator?

4. Gossip

Not only do gossip and smear campaigns lower your social standing, but they also benefit bullies. It tightens their group connections. It confers higher status on those privy to negative information.

Moreover, it sets expectations and norms within the group for how they should treat you.

Through petty talk, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared negative perceptions of you.

While using it, the group will foster justification for hostility. Therefore, no one in the group considers their actions as bullying. They will only say that you “deserve it” and say they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”

They tell others to keep it a secret. However, they also ask them to inform the group of any updates about you.

Realize that gossip reinforces bullies’ perceptions that their views and treatment of you are correct.

Inciting Bullying:

What Gossipers do to cover their gossip.

Gossipers will often cover their bad behavior with a slight confession of guilt. They begin their sentences with things like,

  • “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
  • “Poor thing…”
  • “Bless her heart…”

They will acknowledge that you’re a human being. However, they’ll only do it because it gives them the green light to keep talking. Also, it helps them to feel less like the creeps they are.

5. Influencing OTHERS’ Memories

As rumors and lies spread from person to person, people will distort any truth. Moreover, these details have a way of being inserted into others’ memories.

There have been cases of burglaries where the homeowners “thought they saw” an unarmed burglar with a gun. But there was no gun. In these cases, people don’t lie on purpose.

They actually “remember” seeing a gun in the criminal’s hand. And the reason they remember it so plainly is that they’ve heard and talked about it so much. Therefore, it caused their brains to fill in the blanks with the details they heard.

Another reason for false memories is that when bullies ask questions such as,

  • “Did you see her do this?”
  • “Did you hear him say that?”

They only suggest that she did do this, or that he did say that. It’s the Power of Suggestion at work.

It’s easy to influence people’s memories by presenting something in a particular way. The memory adjusts itself according to a person’s stereotypes and expectations.

People notice what they expect to see. In other words, their memories depend on social expectations —what they expect you to do, not what they are actually doing.

Understand that memories are mistaken and can be falsified. And whether accurate or make-believe, once it becomes a memory, there’s no way to tell the difference.

Inciting Bullying:

Playing Messenger

If you are already having trouble with another person, your bullies may fan the flames to make the situation worse. For instance, the person may be giving you trouble because they want to fit in with the bullies.

You may be angry and embarrassed. You may tell your friend what a piece of garbage the person is. And your bullies may eavesdrop on your conversation.

As a result, they overhear it and run back to the other person with what you just said about them. And the next thing you know, the person you are into it with wants to fight you for running your mouth behind their back.

Never mind that you were confiding in your closest friend. The bullies will conveniently leave that part out. It won’t matter that you were only getting stuff off your chest and confiding in a friend.

The only thing that will matter is that you said something bad about them. Therefore, they want to get even with you for it. When you know the many ways bullies try to get others to bully you and instigate drama, you’ll be one step ahead.

In closing

Incitement is the best way for bullies to get others involved. They rally everyone else together against you. Moreover, they do this by instilling outrage and whipping them into a frenzy.

If bullies can promote solidarity among everyone else, they can isolate you. And once you’re isolated, it’s almost impossible to have support. Therefore, know how bullies incite others to attack you, and you will be better able to recognize it and protect yourself.

This post was all about inciting bullying so that you can recognize it when it happens and protect YOURSELF.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Instigation: 3 Ways Bullies Sow Discord Between You and Others 

2. Sowing Discord: A Powerful Weapon of the Social Bully

3. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

4. Signs of a Smear Campaign: 3 Indicators of Relational Bullying

how to stop being bullied as an adult

How to Stop Being Bullied: 14 Tips to Make Yourself Less a Target

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‘Want to know how to stop being bullied? Here are all the tips you can use to make yourself less a target.

how to stop being bullied

Millions of people are bullied at school, work, and in the home every day. And the sad thing is that they don’t know how to stop it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stop being bullied and reclaim your peace and power.

Once you learn all these important tips, you will finally get the respect you deserve. And you will live in peace.

This post is all about how to stop being bullied and finally live a peaceful life.

How to Stop Being Bullied

The bullying you suffer isn’t your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you. And you didn’t do anything to bring it on yourself.

So, if you feel the title of this post has undertones of victim-blaming, it doesn’t. Please be assured that I’m not blaming you.

However, what it does say is that you’re not entirely powerless, which is excellent news! There are ways you can reduce bullying and become more charismatic.

Here are 15 tips to make yourself less OF a target.

Here’s what you can do.

1. Practice confident body language.

Stand up straight. Good posture is a staple of confidence. It shows that you feel great about yourself, and that others will notice and treat you much better.

Look people in the eyes and smile. When you smile, smile with your eyes and your whole face, not only with your mouth. Why?

Because when you smile with only your mouth, it looks fake. And fake smiles only drive others away.

On the other hand, a genuine smile reaches the eyes, forming crinkles around the outer corners. This kind of smile attracts people. Moreover, it makes you much more approachable.

How to Stop Being BULLIED:

How to look confident when bullies approach.

When bullies come around, it’s important not to smile at them. Why? Because they’ll see it as a weakness. Therefore, the best way to look confident around them is to have open body language.

Power poses work best. Therefore, stand with feet shoulder-width apart and arms akimbo. The trick is to expose your chest and belly. This lets them know that you aren’t afraid of them.

2. Don’t be afraid to speak out.

When you’re being bullied, the last thing you should do is stay quiet about it. Remember that bullying thrives in secret. Your silence only gives it permission to flourish.

Therefore, you must speak up.

Bullies may gaslight you to shut you up. However, continue to speak up about it. Why? Because if you don’t, it will only get worse.

3. How to Stop Being Bullied:

Stand up to bullies.

Remember that you have the right to live in peace like everyone else. Therefore, you have the right to defend yourself when some creep attacks you.

If bullies verbally abuse you, come back with a good burn. If they physically assault you, hit them back. Why? Because bullies don’t respond to politeness, because, to them, it’s weakness.

There is no nice way to handle bullying. Bullies only respond to strength. And they respond to consequences.

4. Be yourself.

There’s no point in trying to be someone you aren’t. Being fake only makes bullying worse. Why? Because when you get a reputation for being a poser, others will stop taking you seriously. You will become a lightning rod for ridicule.

Also, being yourself means that you’re okay with being disliked. And it automatically weeds out the fake friends. Therefore, be authentic.

5. How to Stop Being Bullied:

Practice modesty.

Some victims of bullying will incessantly talk themselves up. And I understand why they do this. When people are always putting you down, your first instinct may be to build yourself back up.

You may do it to make yourself feel better and soothe your battered self-esteem. However, be careful. Doing this can make you a bigger victim.

Never talk about yourself too much. And don’t try to bring too much attention to what you do. Nobody likes a braggart. And the more you talk about what you’re doing, the more suspicious others will be.

Even worse, you’ll become a victim of backstabbers. Most people tend to become jealous! Therefore, it isn’t wise to toot your own horn.

Be modest. Make it about others, not yourself. And keep your plans and ambitions to yourself to avoid being sabotaged.

6. Be nonchalant.

Make everything you do look effortless. Being nonchalant protects you from conflict, criticism, and embarrassment.

Also, you don’t look like a try-hard.

7. How to Stop Being Bullied:

Don’t pour on the flattery.

Sometimes, victims of bullying will use excessive flattery to get in their bullies’ good graces. This never works.

You may do it to trick your bullies into leaving you alone. However, it will only backfire. Too much flattery makes you look like a suck-up. And no one likes a kiss-butt.

Others may think you’re running a con game. You’ll only piss them off. So, reserve your compliments for people who deserve them. And, for the love of Pete, don’t attempt to flatter the wrong people!

8. Get noticed.

But don’t overdo it by being flashy or flamboyant. Sadly, victims of bullying will do anything to make others see them. I can understand because no one wants to be made invisible.

However, being gaudy will only attract the wrong kinds of attention. It will make you a bigger target. And the last thing you need is to draw even more negative attention to yourself.

The best thing is to subtly create a style all your own.

9. Adapt yourself to the people you’re around.

But never too much. Keep your own style so you don’t come off as a copycat. When you’re a victim of bullying, you don’t want others to label you a fake.

10. How to Stop Being Bullied:

Bring good news.

Keep any bad news to a minimum. Why? Because people will shoot the messenger of negativity. And if you’re a target of bullying, people already associate you with enough negativity.

So, why not shock a few people by bringing positivity?

11. Never criticize.

Especially the wrong people. Being critical of others can make you seem like a drama queen. Moreover, it can escalate the bullying.

Doing the above things may not stop bullying entirely. But it can dial it down a notch or two. And the less of a target you are, the better!

12. Stop caring what people think.

When you care too much about what others think, you become a slave. In other words, the person whose opinions you place too much value on owns you.

But when you stop caring, you free yourself. You’ll no longer bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll have the guts to say no when you need to. And you’ll stop doing things you don’t want to do.

Moreover, you’ll hold onto your beliefs and convictions. And you won’t sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for people who don’t deserve it.

Therefore, people stop taking you for granted. Why? Because they respect you more. And why not? You no longer accept crappy behavior for the sake of approval. And you attract better people into your life.

Therefore, don’t ever need someone else more than they need you. This is extremely important! There’s more on that HERE.

13. How to Stop Being Bullied:

Befriend other victims.

Because bullies bully you, you have something in common with all the other victims. Therefore, use this to make them your friends and allies.

Bullies usually run in packs. And they come after the lone wolf. Why? Because there is strength in numbers.

Therefore, increase your numbers by making friends with those they bully. You won’t regret it. I promise!

14. Take pride in yourself and in your appearance.

When a person is a target of bullies, it’s too easy for that person to stop caring about everything. This includes their appearance.

The reason is that when someone has been told for so long that they aren’t good enough, they begin to believe it, too.

They won’t even know it’s happening until it’s too late. And the contrary belief of themselves has already taken a foothold in their psyche.

And when they believe something of themselves, whether it’s a lie, they will live up to it.

Understand that this change happens slowly. And before you realize it, you will begin to neglect yourself. They neglect their appearance, their housework, even their health!

  • You may isolate yourself and become a shut-in.
  • Maybe you’ll stop exercising and forego physical check-ups.
  • Or you withdraw from people and social gatherings.

In short, you let yourself go!

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, it’s more important that you take care of yourself.

How to Stop Being Bullied:

In Closing

Bully-proofing yourself is about signalling confidence. It’s also about signalling power. The above tips will have you feeling more powerful than you ever thought.

Therefore, this is how you convey strength instead of weakness. You can do it! I believe in you!

This post is all about how to stop being bullied so that you can improve your life and take back your confidence and your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power! 

2. How to Avoid Being Gaslighted: 5 Easy Tips to Protect Yourself

3. Flattery vs Compliment: 7 Signs Bullies are Buttering You Up

4. How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks

5. Body Shaming is Bullying: How to be Confident with Appearance

low self-esteem synonym

Low Self-Esteem: 11 Easy and Effective Ways to Overcome It

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‘Want to know all the easy and effective ways to overcome low self-esteem? Here are all the crucial steps you need to know.

low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can destroy your life. Self-esteem can determine your entire life’s trajectory.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about low self-esteem, how to overcome it, and how to regain confidence.

Once you learn these vital details, you will be motivated to take the steps needed to raise your self-esteem and become confident and assured.

This post is all about low self-esteem, its roots, and how you can become more confident and improve your life.

Low Self-Esteem

Often, low self-esteem isn’t your fault. It is caused. Depending on how you were raised, sometimes your self-esteem can take a beating. And, over time, it can accumulate. Here are ways to overcome low self-esteem and regain confidence.

1. Change your environment.

Sometimes, the problem isn’t you. It’s the people around you. In a toxic environment, there are things that will kill your self-esteem. You have those who benefit from your self-doubt. They may give you constant criticism.

Also, they may attack you with ridicule disguised as jokes. They may also point out a physical flaw and body shame you. It’s difficult for self-love to survive constant disrespect.

Therefore, if you suffer bullying and you’ve tried everything to make it stop, it may be best to just leave. Flowers won’t bloom when all they receive is rain. Therefore, it’s best to move them to a better environment.

I realize that this isn’t always feasible. However, if you can, get out of the environment. You’ll be glad you did. I promise you.

2. Establish boundaries.

With every boundary you set, you say to yourself and everyone else, “I matter.” Therefore, you must have boundaries if you want respect. Examples of setting boundaries are saying, “No.”

Or, you can say, “I’m not comfortable with that.” Another part of setting them is not feeling the need to explain anything

When you set boundaries, you allow others to be angry, disappointed, or upset. And you don’t give a damn about it.

Moreover, you drop anyone who disrespects you. Why? Because you refuse to betray yourself “just to keep the peace.”

3. Low Self-Esteem:

Find something you’re good at and practice it.

Learn a skill you love, then practice consistently. Teach what you know to someone else. You see? When you know you’re good at something and you enjoy doing it, you will practice it.

As you practice, you’ll get better at it. As a result, your self-esteem will rise. This will serve as a buffer to any bully who tries to tear you down.

4. Take care of your body.

In other words, eat right and exercise. Taking care of your health also benefits your self-esteem. Moreover, you should practice good grooming, dressing, and hygiene.

Taking care of yourself also means getting plenty of rest. It helps when you feel good.

5. Low Self-Esteem:

Practice self-compassion.

When you give yourself compassion, you acknowledge the pain. This doesn’t mean you dwell on it. However, it does mean allowing yourself to feel your emotions.

Also, you forgive yourself for the behaviors you did just to survive. Realize that there were times when you didn’t have any choice. It was either do that thing you didn’t want to do or bullies would hurt you worse.

So, never beat yourself up for it. And forgive yourself for past mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn.

6. Know your worth.

When you seek approval, you only help your bullies destroy your self-esteem. Shift your mindset from “Do they like me?” to “Do I like them?”

Know that you count just as much as everyone else. And, so do your thoughts and opinions.

Low Self-Esteem:

Here are ways to reclaim your worth.

Define your values. In other words, figure out what they are. Then hold on to them no matter what others say.

Decide what matters to you. If it’s family, self-care, and your faith, be proud of that. And don’t allow anyone to shame you for it.

Also, you must be okay with being disliked. This is a biggie! Some people aren’t going to like you no matter what you do. Therefore, should you really care about that? They don’t matter.

So, focus on those who do.

Don’t be afraid of rejection. It’s a part of life. And life is not a popularity contest.

7. Do things that build your confidence.

One thing you can do is face your fears. Speak even when you’re afraid to. Take risks. Try even if there’s a chance that you’ll fail.

Display your talents and gifts. This is very important!

8. Low Self-Esteem:

Get support from those who love you.

Talk to trusted family members and friends. Get therapy. Go to support groups. Keep a daily journal. Read books and listen to podcasts on self-esteem and self-worth.

9. Heal.

You may have suffered bullying. Others may have constantly criticized you. You may have been punished for speaking up.

However, understand this. You are not how you were treated. So, don’t beat yourself up over any trauma responses. If you froze instead of standing up for yourself when you were attacked, make peace with it.

Forgive yourself for any fawning or people-pleasing you might have done to survive.

10. Build your self-trust.

When you trust yourself, you only grow your self-esteem. Building trust in yourself means finishing what you start. Moreover, it means keeping your promises to yourself.

Also, stop saying yes to bullies when you really want to say no. Listen to and act on your gut instincts, rather than ignoring them. And don’t punish yourself for mistakes; learn from them. Confidence comes from experience.

11. Low Self-Esteem: Chance your inner self-talk.

Negative self-talk is the biggest enemy to self-esteem. Therefore, notice your automatic thoughts (“I’m a failure.” “No one will ever love me.”).

Then, challenge them. Ask yourself, “Is this a fact or something some asshole told me?”

Name the voice. (“That’s my inner bully talking.” or “That’s my abusive ex talking.” or “That’s what my dad used to say to me when I was a child.”) The trick is to catch the negative self-talk and turn it into a positive one.

You should talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will feel awkward at first.

However, the more you do this, the more natural it will feel until it becomes like second nature. So, start doing this today!

12. Befriend others who are bullied.

Many victims of bullying make this mistake. They bully others who are even weaker than they are. Then, they wonder why they have difficulty making friends.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to befriend others who are bullied. Why? Because you will automatically have something in common with them. And common ground is the best ingredient for friendship.

Remember that they’re lonely too. And they could use a good friend who will have their backs against bullies. That person can be you. Also, it will work wonders for your self-esteem.

Strength comes in numbers. Therefore, become friends with as many victims as possible. Then you can stand up for each other, and you won’t feel so alone in this.

13. Low Self-Esteem:

Cut ties with toxic people.

If you have people in your life who bring you nothing but drama, it’s time to cut ties. This may not be easy. However, when it comes to your mental well-being, walking away from those who mistreat you is paramount.

Know that you don’t deserve to be abused. You are just as good as everyone else. And you have the right not to be harmed. Therefore, sometimes it’s best just to walk away.

In closing

Low self-esteem is a plague that is sweeping the globe. And many do not know how to repair it. It seems that a good majority of the population has been trained to take shit off people and not to defend themselves.

Therefore, you must reject everything that you’ve been taught about how to handle bullying. Then retrain the self-preservation instincts that you were born with. Also, you must get to know yourself again.

Moreover, you must know all the signs that your self-esteem is beginning to wane. This is how you overcome low self-esteem.

If you’re being bullied, bullies may turn others against you. However, you don’t have to let them turn you against yourself. The trick is to refuse to see yourself through their eyes.

You must continue to love yourself even if everyone else hates you. 

There is a wealth of resources that can help you repair your self-esteem. You can order books or read articles that will teach you. Therefore, take advantage of the knowledge that is out there.

Why? Because knowledge is power. And it’s something that no one can ever take from you. Self-esteem can be your armor against bullies. Knowledge of bullying is your shield. And self-defense is your sword.

Begin practicing the above tips, and you will be on your way to overcoming bullying.

This post was all about low self-esteem so that you can take the steps you need to repair it and take back your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Low Self-Esteem Causes: 3 Things that Crush Your Confidence

2. Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You  

defense mechanisms examples psychology

Defense Mechanisms Examples: 9 Ways Victims Cope with Bullying

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‘Want to know defense mechanisms examples of victims of bullying and if they describe you? Here’s everything you need to know.

defense mechanisms examples

Being a target can be a lonely and terrifying existence. Because of the intense hatred people spew daily, you walk on eggshells. Why? Because you don’t know what the bullies and their minions will do next.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the most common defense mechanisms and examples so you can recognize them in yourself and take steps to ensure your safety.

Once you learn about these crucial details, you will be able to decide if leaving the environment is your best option.

This post is all about defense mechanisms, so you can gauge whether you should move to a safer environment.

Defense Mechanisms Examples

When you employ defense mechanisms, it is only out of fear. It means that you must tiptoe around everyone else. And if you must walk lightly around others at work or school, you must find a way to get out of there. Fast!

Why? Because you don’t know what they’ll do. They could physically hurt you, or worse. Also, you’re desperate to correct what is wrong, but you have no clue what it is.

So many others can relate. With that said, I want to tell you that if you are targeted by bullies, you are not alone. You will eventually overcome your tormentors just like I did.

So, what are two lesser-known defense strategies targets use?

1. Dressing up for school or work.

To keep their self-esteem from completely tanking, they may dress in flashy clothes. Sometimes, you overcompensate by trying to look like a million bucks.

Clothes from Walmart just aren’t good enough. You think you must shop at Maurice’s, or maybe even Nordstrom, in order to feel good about yourself.

And if you aren’t dressed to the nines, you feel less than. You also do this to alleviate some of the shame.

Not that dressing snazzy is a bad thing. It isn’t. However, the reason many victims do it is that they’re insecure inside. And the clothes help to remedy that insecurity.

This has a lot to do with how poorly others have treated you. So, you dress even better.

But your bullies and everyone else may only label you “a poser.” However, the nice clothes have a way of buffering your self-esteem when bullies attack you.

Moreover, you think that your attire provides you with a sense of control.

2. Defense Mechanisms Examples:

You act stuck-up and conceited.

Put plainly, you may think to yourself. You may even say out loud, “I don’t care what they say. I’m awesome. They’re just too jealous to admit it.”

Does this sound arrogant? Conceited? Maybe. Does this sound like narcissism? Perhaps. Is it the right attitude to have? Both yes and no.

Sometimes, a good defense is for you to act conceited. To survive, you must act as if you’re better than they are.

In other words, your holier-than-thou attitude protects you, in a sense. However unattractive it might be, it helps you to preserve what little self-esteem and dignity you have left.

It helps you to keep going when things are at their worst. Most importantly, it helps you to keep from being totally brainwashed and reprogrammed by others.

And these idiots would love nothing more than to destroy your mental health.

3. Put up walls to shut others out.

You may walk around with your nose in the air and refuse to speak. I did. Why? Because they’d treated me so horribly that I had nothing to say to them. I was like, “F*ck ’em.”

So, if you’re feeling the same, I don’t blame you.

Also, you may have a sassy and smart-alecky attitude. I say this from experience. I was extremely sarcastic and had a snotty disposition.

Heck! I even laughed at and bullied others to grab back some power. My attitude stunk – period. Back then, I felt that my attitude was justified. However, bullying others was wrong. And I was wrong for it.

However, many victims think that it’s the only way to stay strong and maintain a little bit of poise. This is why we must teach them never to bully someone else. Instead, we must convince them to befriend other targets.

Defense Mechanisms Examples:

Most Self-Protective Behaviors are counterproductive. 

Although it’s only a self-protective behavior, this attitude can easily get you hurt. It can also drive away those who would otherwise be great friends and allies.

Nobody wants to risk rejection, even those who aren’t targets of bullying. I don’t recommend you bully others as I did.

However, if people are bullying you, you have every right not to speak to them. And you need to hold your head high. Just be aware of the circumstances first.

4. Sarcasm.

Some targets of bullying can be really sarcastic. This sarcasm gives them a sense of power. In fact, it’s how they survive.

But understand that this reaction to others stems only from fear. And it’s no way to live. Therefore, I cannot stress enough that, if you’re a target of bullying, don’t let it change your attitude.

Pick and choose those to whom you show your snarky attitude. Choose only those who mistreat you.

Sometimes, sarcasm can be socially powerful. But at other times, it can get you into serious trouble.

5. Defense Mechanisms Examples:

Mean-Mugging

Many victims of bullying walk around with a mean look on their faces. Mostly bullied boys and men do this.

However, I knew a girl who did this back in school.

Because she was short, about 4’11” or 5’0″ tall. She was insecure. Therefore, she felt she had to just keep away from people who might want to hurt her.

Again, this mechanism is designed to keep people away just in case they have harm on their mind. I can’t say that I mean-mugged. However, I did give lots of dirty looks to bullies as I passed them in the hallways.

What were they going to do, beat me up for glaring at them? It was my way of silently bullying them back. And I could do it covertly, without being detected.

6. They Become Bullies Themselves.

After enduring bullying for a long time, you can become cold toward others. As a result, your heart hardens. Then, you think that cruelty is the only way to protect yourself.

Bullying leaves you with a sense that you’ve lost all control over your life. It is as if you no longer get a say in what happens to you. In short, you think that you have power over nothing!

Therefore, you become desperate. You ache to have power over something, anything! That’s when you start bullying those who are even more vulnerable than you are.

You see? By bullying you, bullies unwittingly teach you how to bully.

Therefore, never let it take away your humanity. It won’t be easy, but do your level best to hold on to your empathy.

7. Displacement.

An example of displacement is when a child gets yelled at by their parents. Then he goes outside and kicks the dog. A bullied kid gets bullied by bigger bullies, then takes it out on a weaker child in his class.

I think this is the case with bully-victims. They get bullied. Then, they go dump on someone else, even weaker than they are. Again, they do this to get rid of feelings of powerlessness.

Understand that you don’t have to take your frustrations out on someone else. The best thing to do here is to befriend them. It’s much healthier. Also, you may just be the friends you both are looking for.

There are also defense mechanisms that are healthy.

8. Defense Mechanisms Examples:

Sublimation.

This is one of the healthiest defense mechanisms there is. Why? Sublimation is when a bullied victim channels their anger into productive outlets.

For example, a bullied girl channels her suffering into singing and winning contests. A boy works to become a better athlete. Maybe a student makes stellar grades to cope with bullying.

And when I was bullied in school, I channeled much of my resentment into writing and music.

These are all healthy ways to deal with bullies. Why? Because they motivate you to better yourself. Moreover, you are doing something you love.

That, in itself, can take your mind off the bullying. Why? Because you’ll be too busy working on yourself to think about your bullies.

Moreover, it’s how you build self-esteem and grow your confidence. And you form social connections. People love those who are talented. Therefore, keep working on your talents and gifts. Polish them.

Then, get out there and show them what you’ve got! I guarantee you’ll thank yourself later.

9. Self-care.

Self-care is doing things that are good for you. You eat right, exercise, and practice good hygiene and grooming.

But that’s only part of it. Self-care also means refusing to interact with those who mistreat you. In short, you set boundaries. Then, you have nothing more to do with people who violate those boundaries.

This is doing things to ensure your safety and take care of your mental health. Thirdly, you also indulge in your hobbies – doing things you love.

This is how you bully-proof yourself.

This post gave you all the defense Mechanisms examples so that you can know which of those to shun and which to try.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

2. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

3. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

4. Let It Make You or Break You: Being a Victim of Bullying

selective outrage bullying

Selective Outrage: 7 Reasons Bullies Use It

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Have you heard of the fairly new term, “selective outrage”? And do you know what it is? Here’s what it is and why it’s the most common manipulation tactic in the bully’s playbook.

selective outrage

Bullies are notorious for using this dangerous tactic against their targets. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what it is and the ways bullies weaponize it.

Once you discover all these crucial details, you will then be able to recognize it when it happens. You will also be able to call it out by name and defend yourself against this insidious bullying tactic.

This post is all about selective outrage so that you will be able to see it as it occurs, defend yourself against it, and overcome it.

Selective Outrage

So, what is selective outrage? It is when people ignore bad behavior in others, then turn around and condemn it when their victims do the same. They may also use it when the behavior threatens them.

This happens a lot in politics. However, you also see it in cases of bullying because, unfortunately, bullying and politics go hand-in-hand.

When bullies use this tactic against you, they may use “moral language to punish you for the same actions others get away with. Notice that the key word, here, is “selective.”

It’s not about the behavior itself; it’s about who’s doing it. 

Why do bullies use it?

Bullies use selective outrage for several reasons. Here they are.

1. To redefine rules based on hierarchy (power).

Here’s a simple description:

When bullies or anyone else interrupts a conversation, it’s a sign of confidence. However, when you do it, they label you as disrespectful.

Anyone else can gossip, and they’re only concerned. But when you gossip, you’re stirring up drama.

Therefore, they aren’t throwing a fit based on your behavior. They’re doing it based on your position in the social hierarchy.

Again, everyone else can get away with it. But because you’re a victim of bullying and at the bottom of the social hierarchy, you can’t.

Bullies are constantly shifting the goalposts. And they do it specifically for this reason.

2. Selective Outrage:

To claim the moral highground.

Bullies are masters at pretending to be kind. In public, they may fake tolerance. They may also claim to be peaceful.

However, they usually behave the opposite way when they think that others aren’t paying attention. Moreover, they may have people and other entities who cover for them. Therefore, they become emboldened to abuse those they hate.

Bullies with power can do whatever they want, no matter how cruel. However, if you defend yourself, they come down hard on you. In other words, the outrage only comes out when you assert your rights to be treated with dignity.

They can abuse you for months, but the moment you respond in kind, it’s a problem.

3. To alienate you.

Bullies use it to reframe self-defense as aggression. They can walk all over you, and you’re supposed to take it with a smile. But the moment you as much as talk back, you pay a heavy price.

Why? Because they only push back harder to punish you for talking back. Moreover, they will frame your self-defense as either bullying or an overreaction. Therefore, they will convince others that you’re in the wrong.

And when bystanders and witnesses see you as the villain, you quickly lose allies and support.

4. Selective Outrage:

To blame you for their behavior.

By using fake outrage to make their bullying look like self-defense, bullies blame you. And they convince others that they are the victims.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this long enough to know what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, they are master manipulators who acquire great skill in the art of deception. They are the best wordsmiths and con artists, often using charm to deceive those in authority.

They may make “You Made me” and “You Make Me” Statements

Have you noticed that bullies always make statements such as, “You ‘made me’ do it!”? I’ll bet that you have. Bullies often make the following statements to justify their behavior and blame you.

  • “You ‘made me’ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
  • “You ‘make’ people want to hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me’ hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me’ mad!”
  • “You make me hate you!”

These are all statements bullies use to gaslight you. They want to brainwash you into believing that their behavior is your fault. They need you and everyone else to believe that you somehow provoke them to act the way they do. That you made them lash out.

5. Selective outrage:

To fool bystanders.

SO tricks bystanders into thinking that the bullies are only responding to injustice. In other words, they’re only holding you responsible for something you must have done wrong.

In that, the bullies come off as fair to others. However, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that accountability only rolls downhill and lands at the bottom. And if you’re a target of bullying, chances are that you’re the one on the bottom.

And those in authority will only side with bullies in power. Why? Their outrage gives them a believable narrative to justify their behavior.

Why does it work so well?

It works because most people mistakenly respond to emotional intensity rather than fairness. Language that is loud, emotional, and moral seems truthful. Moreover, human beings are hardwired to avoid social exclusion.

When bullies manufacture outrage, it’s not about being right. It’s about controlling others’ perception of you.

What are the benefits of selective outrage?

  • It helps your bullies to project their bad behavior onto you more successfully.
  • It protects your bullies’ reputation.
  • Also, it helps them to maintain their social status.
  • It helps them to keep from losing their power and dominance.

If nothing else, understand this. Bullies don’t care about ethics. They only pretend to. What they really care about is maintaining the status quo and social order that benefits them.

Selective outrage is often unspoken but organized. In other words, it’s a coordinated attack because it never operates alone.

So, what are the ways bullies use SO?

There are several ways bullies use SO.

1. They project.

In other words, they project all their faults and shortcomings on you. In doing this, they successfully reverse the roles, making you look like the bully and themselves the victim.

Anytime bullies and abusers face possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry to feign victimhood. This tactic is mostly used by female bullies.

2. They use double standards.

It’s “rules for thee and not for me.”

Bullies are the biggest hypocrites! Moreover, another unfortunate reality of bullying is that they almost always hold you to their double standards.

The bullies, especially those in authority, will often condemn you for statements and actions they allow others to get away with.

Often, people will get angry at you for things they’d never get angry at others for. In other words, bullies select whom to inflict their outrage on and whom to grant a free pass.

3. Selective Outrage:

They take away any merit you may have.

Here’s another thing to be aware of. Bullies and their followers personalize ideas and creations, which are independent things that should stand on their own merit.

In other words, bullies and others will undermine ideas or creations if they find out that they originated from you. On the other hand, if the exact ideas or creations come from anyone other than you, people will accept them. In fact, they may even praise them.

In short, it’s not about the idea or creation itself. It’s about who it comes from.

Sadly, the reality is that nothing- no action, statement, idea, or creation ever stands on its own merit. Nothing is ever independent of the person who conceived it.

4. They Claim that you had it coming.

Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. They may say that you made them do it.

  • “You ‘made me‘ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
  • “You ‘make‘ people want to hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me‘ hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me‘ mad!”

However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to blame you and take the guilt off themselves.

5. Selective Outrage:

They imply that you must have provoked it.

For example, if you’re bullied at school, you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”

Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.

6. They ask you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

Authority figures are notorious for this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put it off on you.

7. They organize physical attacks.

Bullies may set up organized physical attacks to blame you for their abuse. What do I mean? Here it is.

They may stage fights with you and other people. This is designed to bait you. For instance, they may go to the others and tell them that you said something bad about them. And you probably didn’t. In fact, you probably don’t know the person.

Nevertheless, you have people you don’t know confronting you and threatening physical harm. And, sooner or later, one of them attacks you. Then, a week later, another person physically assaults you.

A month later, another person jumps you. And these attacks repeat themselves until people begin looking at you with suspicion. Why? Because the fights always seem to involve you.

Others can’t help but think, “Why would so many people want to jump Jackie if she isn’t provoking them somehow?”

But that’s the idea! If you are in this kind of predicament, this is precisely what your bullies were counting on! It was the plan all along!

Selective Outrage:

In Conclusion

If you are a victim of selective outrage bullying, there are several things you can do to defend yourself against it:

  • Name the double standards calmly. (“I’ve noticed that no one says anything to so-and-so when they did the same thing.”)
  • Insist on clarity. (Would you like to clarify what the rules are so I can follow them?)
  • Don’t get emotional. Remember that the goal of outrage is to provoke an emotional reaction. Don’t give them what they want.
  • Document everything. This is the time to keep a bullying journal.

This post is all about selective outrage so that you will notice it when it happens and be better prepared to protect yourself from it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Double Standards: 3 Things Bullies and Others Get Away with that Targets Don’t

2. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying

3. Bullying Techniques: 5 Top Sneakiest Tactics 

mobbed at work reddit

Mobbed at Work: Signs You’re About to be Mobbed on the Job

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‘Want to know if you’re about to be mobbed at work? Here are the surefire signs that you need to quietly look for work elsewhere.

mobbed at work

Being mobbed at work is one of the most demoralizing experiences. And millions of employees suffer from it every day.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what it looks like when you’re mobbed at work and how to know when you’re about to be.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be able to make an accurate judgment and head it off before it gets hairy.

This post is all about the signs you’re about to be mobbed at work so that you can get out with your mental health intact.

Mobbed at Work

Being mobbed at work has ruined the careers of millions of good employees. In fact, many have had to take medical leave and early retirement because it did such damage to their physical and mental health.

Moreover, some innocent employees have been redlisted from employment.

Thankfully, there are signs you can look for if you think you may be a potential target of workplace mobbing. Here is a list of signs to watch for.

1. Exclusion.

People don’t invite you to meetings, lunches, or company outings. Moreover, they keep you out of the loop by excluding you from memos and important emails.

This can have devastating effects on your job and entire career. If you find that you’ve been excluded from these things, it’s because workplace bullies are quietly trying to sabotage you.

Therefore, you may want to begin your exit plan in secret by exploring other employment options.

2. People at work begin avoiding you like a bad disease.

This will happen slowly and gradually. One by one, others begin shunning you without explanation. And you will feel as if something is off.

Even those you thought were friends will distance themselves from you. You’ll know you’re being shunned because you will sense it.

You’ll have that sinking feeling in the pit of your gut. This is your instincts warning you that something is wrong here.

3. Mobbed at work:

People begin making false reports on you.

One day, you will be happily working in your office. Then someone knocks at your door. You open it, and they tell you that the supervisor wants to see you.

“No problem,” you think. “Maybe Mr. X wants to update me on a few things. So, you walk into the supervisor’s office. You notice he’s sitting at his desk with a displeased look on his face, and he asks you to close the door.

You feel the blood drain from your face as you take a seat in front of him. “How can I help you?” you calmly ask.

Mr. X tells you that someone complained that you were asked to do something, but didn’t. They claimed that you told them that it wasn’t your job. And the funny thing is that you know that nothing like that has ever happened.

When you tell him that you don’t know where it came from and that you always did your job. He nods and sends you back to your office. However, you get the sense that he still has doubts. You could tell by the look on his face.

What’s really scary is that this is not the first time this has happened. It may be the second or the third. Therefore, when events like this become a pattern, it’s time to quietly start looking for new employment.

5. You sense that something is off.

With each incident, you will feel that something doesn’t sit right. Again, this is your gut warning you.

Energy doesn’t lie. And lately, your boss and coworkers have been giving you some bad vibes. If nothing else, know this! If something feels off, it usually is.

Therefore, take whatever steps you need to get out of the environment.

6. Mobbed At Work:

You notice micro-flashes of contempt.

You notice that your coworkers seem to like you. They smile in your face and give you compliments. However, as you turn around to head to your office, you notice something out of the corner of your eye. It’s the split-second dirty look they all shot you!

“Whoa! Wait! Did I just see what I thought I saw?” You ask yourself. It may be tempting to doubt yourself. It’s easier to dismiss it as your mind playing tricks on you. But your gut is sounding off like a fire alarm.

Therefore, don’t dismiss it. Because, more than likely, you did see it. In other words, they did glare at you. Only they did it when they thought you wouldn’t see it.

Therefore, stay alert. And, if need be, start making plans to leave that company.

7. People target you with gossip.

In the ladies’ room, you overhear the other women spreading rumors about you. And they’re giggling. Later, when you walk into the cafeteria during lunch break, the room goes quiet.

People are watching you like a hawk. And you wonder why they’re staring so hard. Then you hear whispers. That’s a surefire sign that you’re about to be mobbed.

Therefore, you need to get your ducks in a row and get outski! The sooner, the better!

8. Mobbed at Work:

Constant Criticism.

When you’re about to be mobbed, your boss and coworkers will nitpick every little thing you do. All you will hear from them are complaints about your performance.

Realize that when people nitpick, it means that they are looking for anything to use against you. And, because they haven’t found anything, they are making things up.

And if you defend yourself, they only gaslight you.

Bullies do this all the time when they want you fired. Therefore, give them what they want. Quietly make your escape plan. Then, as soon as you have other employment lined up, walk out and don’t look back.

9. Mobbed at Work:

Your boss Starts assigning you to Demeaning Jobs.

Your boss suddenly removes your regular assignments. He then assigns you a demeaning role. Maybe he has you cleaning the bathrooms. Or he assigns you as a go-for to pick up coffee and donuts for everyone else.

He might even have you empty all the trash cans in the office building. Whatever it is, it’s the crappiest job in the company.

But, understand this. If it is not in your job description, you have the right to refuse. And if your supervisor insists that you do it, you can always quit.

No job is worth the cost to your mental health. Therefore, don’t stay and tolerate disrespect. Quit!

10. Mobbed at Work:

Withholding critical information.

Workplace bullies withhold information to sabotage you and make you look incompetent. Therefore, when they start this, begin your exit plan.

How do you know you’re about to be mobbed?

Here’s what it looks like.

You’re NOT about to be mobbed if:

Your boss calls you into his office after an incident. Maybe someone raised a complaint. Once the meeting is over, you come out of your boss’s office feeling darn good about yourself.

You’ll also notice the boss smiling at you. Also, you’ll notice the person you get into it with looking stressed and withdrawn.

You’ll notice that the other person is increasingly isolated while things are looking better and better for you. Your supervisor or manager will drop by from time to time and chat with you.

Mobbed at Work:

You’re about to be mobbed if:

The boss doesn’t drop by to chat with you in an openly friendly way. Moreover, he doesn’t invite you into his office with a smile after an incident. Instead, the boss will start avoiding you like a bad disease!

Also, your coworkers will go out of their way to track you down and pump you for information. They’ll only fake interest and support in what you have to say.

They may call you at home or come by, feigning support and empathy. And they will pepper it with questions. And they ask those questions to gain information they can use against you later.

It isn’t long before they begin avoiding you, gossiping about you, and defaming you.

You must recognize these signs. Only then will you be able to take appropriate action and ward off a potential termination. Moreover, you will save your reputation. And you won’t risk anyone derailing your career!

Mobbed at Work:

What Happens if you ignore the signs and stay in a toxic workplace?

Many innocent victims of workplace bullying allow bullies to ruin their entire careers. Why? Because they stick it out. Not that this is a bad thing. Resilience is a great thing.

But there’s a difference between resilience and staying in a toxic environment too long. Therefore, don’t stay where you aren’t wanted. Get out before things get hairy.

Why? Because if you stay too long, your mental health will pay the price. And no company is worth your mental health. The sooner you leave, the better off you will be.

Another thing to remember is that mobbing can also happen in schools, among classmates.

This post was all about mobbing at work so that you will know the warning signs and get out before your mental health takes a hit.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Mobbing in Schools: 9 Warning Signs Bullying is Out of Control

2. Bullying or Mobbing?

3. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

4. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

5. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying

long-term effects of bullying in school

Long-Term Effects of Bullying: 14 Traits of Adult Survivors

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‘Want to know the long-term effects of bullying that can last into adulthood? Here are all the symptoms of adult survivors that you need to know.

long-term effects of bullying

Childhood bullying, whether in school or in the neighborhood, can have lasting effects well into adulthood. Therefore, in this post, you will learn the long-term effects of bullying so that you can work on it if you recognize any of these after-effects.

Once you learn all about these traits, you will be able to get to the bottom of them and live happier and more productively.

This post is all about the positive and negative long-term effects of bullying so that you can move on to a more peaceful life.

Long-Term Effects of Bullying

The effects of school bullying can linger long into adulthood. There are signs and symptoms that only adult survivors of school bullying have. Some are healthy, and some are not. However, here’s a list of both the good and the bad.

1. Social Anxiety.

Bullying can cause you to withdraw from the social scene. And why not? Once you’ve been a victim of severe and long-term bullying, you no longer trust people.

It makes you insecure. You may feel shame. Or, you may fear rejection. Maybe you’re afraid of ridicule. Therefore, it seems safer just to stay away from people.

How you overcome this is to put yourself out there. And do it little by little. Make small talk with people. The trick is to step out of your comfort zone.

I guarantee you that the more you do, the more confident you’ll feel.

2. Long-Term Effects of Bullying:

Depression.

Depression often comes from powerlessness. And that’s what bullying does, it makes you powerless. Therefore, you will feel that there’s nothing you can do about the situation you’re in.

And this may persist even after the bullying is over with. And sadly, it can last a lifetime. However, know that there are steps you can take to heal and start thriving again.

If you need to, seek therapy. It just may help you overcome it.

3. Trust issues.

Bullies can cause you to lose trust in people. Once you’ve endured abuse for so long, you begin believe that all humans are cruel.

Therefore, you shut others out. Why? Because you think it is safer. You may become cold and mean. Or, you may be excessively secretive.

But you don’t trust people enough to let them in. Again, you must take steps to overcome lack of trust. And you can do this by mustering up the courage to talk to people.

Make small talk with someone in the grocery store. Or, you can say hello to someone on the street. Whatever you do, start small and slowly build.

Your self-esteem will thank you later.

4. Long-Term Effects of Bullying:

Harsh Inner critic.

Many survivors have an inner bully. In other words, they have an inner critic who judges every move.

That evil inner voice may call them ugly names. Or it may ridicule the decisions they make. Whatever it says to you, you must retrain that voice.

Therefore, the next time that voice starts putting you down, catch it. Then, replace those harsh words with those of love and praise.

This may feel strange at first. However, if you keep it up, you will soon train your inner voice to speak positive things.

5. Bitterness.

Many people become bitter after being bullied. They hold grudges and wish harm on those who’ve hurt them. As a result, they live the rest of their lives in misery.

But you don’t have to live that way. Realize that hate only hurts the hater, not the hated. Holding grudges doesn’t help you at all. It only eats you up inside.

Therefore, find ways to heal. Get rid of the animosity. Then you can take back your peace and be happy again. I guarantee it!

6. Long-Term Effects of Bullying:

You May Bully other adults.

Many survivors of school bullying become bullies once they’re adults. Why? Because if the bullying worked on them, then why not try it on others?

Because they feel powerless, they want to make others feel the same way. Then they can feel powerful.

However, if you’re one of these people, I want to tell you this isn’t the way to be. It only makes you just as bad as them. Moreover, you will make enemies fast!

Overcoming bullying means healing and being a friend to others. Therefore, use it to foster empathy. Be kind. Because kindness isn’t weakness. It is a strength!

7. May Want excessive time alone.

Some survivors avoid people. Therefore, they isolate themselves. This isn’t good because your fortress can become your tomb.

Human beings need connection. They need social experiences. Therefore, get out there and meet people. Don’t be shy.

As mentioned earlier, start small and build from there. You never know. You just might make a life-long friend.

8. Long-Term Effects of Bullying:

Contrary attitude.

Survivors of bullying sometimes become contrary adults. The reason is that they’ve had their power taken away. Moreover, they want to ensure that it never happens again.

Therefore, they deliberately go against the grain to snatch back their autonomy. They also do it to guard themselves from groupthink.

Some may do it to keep from appearing too nice.

If you’re one of these people, others may call you “stubborn.” Or they may call you “selfish.” However, know that it’s okay to be agreeable when you truly agree with something.

Just don’t be too agreeable. There’s a middle ground to everything.

9. No-Nonsense Attitude/Hard Nosed

Many survivors of childhood bullying grow into no-nonsense adults. In other words, they don’t have time for ignorance. And petty people get on their nerves.

Moreover, they don’t respond to stupidity. And they walk away from drama. Know that there is nothing wrong with this. It’s actually a healthy way to be.

The reason some former victims end up this way is that they had enough of that shit in school. Back then, there was little they could do about it.

However, now that they are grown, they have more control over who they allow in their lives. Therefore, it’s easier to dismiss petty people. And it’s easier to tell those who are toxic to get bent.

10. Long-Term Effects of Bullying:

Strong-Willed

Survivors of bullying tend to be strong-willed. In other words, if you tell them they can’t do something. They’ll do it anyway just to prove to you that they can.

If you’re this kind of person, you don’t let others tell you what to do. You don’t give a damn. You’re going to do what you want, even if it makes others angry. So, you’ll gladly give those who try to control you a double-barreled middle finger.

The reason survivors are stubborn like that is that they know what it’s like to have bullies control their lives. Therefore, they rebel against that by calling their own shots. And, to hell with what anyone else thinks.

Again, there is nothing wrong with this. It’s healthy to live life on your own terms.

11. Complex PTSD

Many survivors suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is characterized by flashbacks, nightmares, and hypervigilance.

However, you can turn this around by seeking therapy. Therapists can teach you how to overcome CPTSD. Or, they can, at least, show you how to control it.

12. Long-Term Effects of Bullying:

A Will to Achieve Success

Some survivors use the bullying they suffered as motivation to do well in life. Therefore, they will excel academically. They will select high-paying jobs. Or they’ll create something, patent it, and sell it.

The reason some are so success-driven is that they’re angry at the injustice they suffered from bullies. However, they use their anger constructively.

Instead of sitting around and holding grudges, they get busy improving their lives. They work on themselves. They work toward their goals. And they achieve them.

This is also a healthy behavior. Therefore, do what you must for self-betterment. It will pay off in the long run.

13. Determination to live life on their terms

Past bullying gives many survivors the determination to live their lives on their terms. The reason for this is that they’ve had enough of what they didn’t want when they were kids.

Therefore, now that they’re adults, they have the power to begin building good lives for themselves. They go after what they want in life.

And they don’t stop until they get it. Moreover, they don’t allow others to tell them what they can and can’t do. Hence, they don’t live their lives on anyone else’s terms but theirs.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with this because it’s the healthy way to be.

14. Fierce Independence.

Survivors of bullying are fiercely independent. Why? Because chances are, they had little to no friends in school. As a result, no one helped them.

Therefore, they had to rely on themselves to survive. If they needed something, they had to find ways to get it themselves.

You see? They learned that nobody would give them a damn thing. Experience taught them that they didn’t need anyone to get where they wanted to go.

And when you have no one to support you but you, you learn real fast that only you are responsible for your own life.

This post was all about the positive and negative long-term effects of bullying so that you can use this knowledge to rebuild your life and take back your happiness.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Survivors of Bullying: How It Feels to Overcome

2. Adult Survivors of School Bullying: 19 Things They Do Differently

3. The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

4. Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

5. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying

silent treatment synonym

Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

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What is the silent treatment? Here’s what it is, why bullies use it, and how you should handle it.

silent treatmentIt’s not what you say; it’s what you don’t say. When bullies wish to harm someone, the silent treatment can be the most effective way of doing so. It is a cruel and sneaky way of control.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the silent treatment and why bullies use it. You will also learn how to handle it and ways to look at it.

Once you learn all these vital tips, you will be able to embrace their silent treatment and be unbothered by it.

This post is all about how bullies weaponize the silent treatment and how to deal with it so that it doesn’t faze you.

Silent Treatment

Silence can be a powerful weapon. Bullies use it for control. How do they control you with silence? You may ask.

They do it to keep you on the back foot, wondering what you did wrong. In other words, they give you the silent treatment to control the way you feel.

Bullies also use it as a form of manipulation. Their goals are to induce feelings of guilt, fear, and insecurity in you. And if you don’t realize this, they will eat you alive with it.

This is why you must understand why people weaponize silence and how you should view it.

Reasons why People Use the Silent Treatment

Remember that those who use this tactic are cowards. And they know that this is the most effective and least noticeable way to dig at you.
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Here are other reasons they use this tactic.

1. It’s least noticeable by others.

It leaves no bruises, cuts, or scratches. Therefore, there’s no physical evidence. This type of bullying is also hard to prove because people don’t see it as easily.

This is why it isn’t wise to report this type of bullying. Moreover, you should never respond to this type of abuse emotionally.

For instance, you wouldn’t want to react out of anger and tell the bully off. And you wouldn’t want to burst into tears over it. Why?

Because silence is invisible, others may see you as overly sensitive or mentally unbalanced.

2. It’s the most effective.

Again, the silent treatment is emotional manipulation. So, you must see it as just that. When you’re able to see it for what it is, the less likely you are to be affected by it.

Bullies know that it’s the most covert way to assert control over you. It keeps you confused and makes you doubt yourself.

And as long as they can induce self-doubt, they can have power over you.

3. Silent Treatment:

For control, dominance, and intimidation

Again, bullies use this dirty trick to control how you feel and to dominate you. You see? If they can control how you feel about yourself, they have power over you.

The last thing bullies want is to see you happy. Therefore, this is a powerful tool to bring you down. Most bullies are miserable. Therefore, they want to make you as miserable as they are.

People also use the silent treatment to intimidate you. Why? Because if they can instill fear in you, then they can manipulate you like a puppet on a string.

4. To manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.

Everyone has a desire for approval. However, bullies will dangle the carrot of acceptance to keep you under control. Therefore, they will never accept you.

Instead, you’ll end up spinning your wheels for nothing.

If someone has to use manipulation to force you to do what they want, it’s time to cut ties. Why? Because they don’t respect your boundaries.

A person who truly approves of you would respect your rights and freedom to choose. Never seek approval from those who abuse and use you.

5. Silent Treatment:

To make you feel guilty

You didn’t give the bullies what they wanted. Now, they intend to make you feel as if you did something wrong. You didn’t!

Realize that the silence tactic is a childish way of handling conflict. It is used by those who don’t know how to regulate their emotions.

And if you let it get to you, it will only encourage the bullies to keep doing it anytime you don’t cave in and do their bidding.

6. To punish you.

Bullies may use the silent treatment to punish you for a perceived slight. It could be that you didn’t do what they wanted. So they stop talking to you and begin talking about you.

Maybe you didn’t give them the reaction they wanted when they tried to bully you the last time. And now, they want to punish you for not reacting the way they wanted you to.

Sometimes, bullies don’t stop when you refuse to react. They only get sneakier with their tactics.

7. Silent Treatment:

to bully you while covering their asses.

The silent treatment is the invisible kind of bullying. It leaves no physical marks. But psychologically, it can be devastating if you don’t know how to handle it.

Therefore, bullies use this tactic to get you to react emotionally. Then, they can brand you as unstable while silently ripping you to shreds.

And they’ll continue to go undetected by bystanders and witnesses. Your emotional outburst will be the cover they need.

So, how can you respond to this type of bullying?

1. See it for what it is – emotional manipulation.

When you finally recognize it as it is, you’ll be less bothered by it. Moreover, when you know what the goal of it is, the easier it is to defend against.

2. Mirror the bullies by returning the silent treatment.

Two can play that game. Therefore, give it right back to them. Don’t let them control or intimidate you. And most importantly, never come back at them with an emotional response.

When you return the silent treatment, you’re not begging or attacking them out of anger. The trick is to repay silence with silence.

If someone is giving you the silent treatment. Give them the same thing. This is how you preserve a sense of power over your life.

3. Don’t let them phase you.

These people are bullies. So, do you really care?

4. Cut those childish buffoons out of your life.

Do it either entirely or have as little to do with them as humanly possible. You don’t need to be around these confidence thieves.

Realize that you don’t have to put up with that.

5. Stay calm.

Don’t get emotional. Exhibit self-control and don’t get sucked into the bullies’ mind games.

6. Call them out.

Tell them, “Look. What you’re doing is called the silent treatment. You can’t possibly keep up this childish behavior forever, and it’s not going to work.

7. Silent Treatment:

Enjoy the peace and quiet.

Believe it or not, there’s a bright side to this tactic. At least the bullies aren’t in your face for the time being. You get a reprieve from hearing them bitch and pitch their sissy fits!

When they give you the silent treatment, they’re leaving you the hell alone. When it happened to me, I enjoyed the quietness that it brought. As long as they stayed the hell away from me, I was happy.

Woohoo! Who doesn’t love that!

And you can do it too. You can get enjoyment out of it when your bullies do the same to you. Just imagine the relief. Another thing to consider is that bullies aren’t the type of people you give a damn about anyway.

 They’ve probably treated you horribly for so long that you couldn’t care less if they ignore you.

Do all the above, and the bullies might leave you alone and move on to an easier target. And, you’ll feel much better about yourself knowing you stood up to them and asserted yourself.

In Closing

Though the silent treatment is hurtful, especially if it comes from someone you love. However, it also has a positive side. All you have to do is look at it from a different perspective.

The silent treatment can be a good thing because you don’t have to listen to the garbage bullies spew. When people are avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them being under your butt all the time.

Nobody bothers you, so that’s a huge plus!

However, be warned! Once bullies get the message that you either don’t care or enjoy the quiet of their silent treatment, they will be furious. Then, they will quickly change their tactics. So, get ready for them to really act out!

Reverse psychology is a beautiful thing. Because when you know how to use it against bullies, it gives you confidence you never thought you had.

So, when you reverse this tactic on them, who’s really in control here? You or them?

This post is all about the silent treatment, why bullies use it, and what you can do to counter it and keep your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Encouraging Words for Bullying: You Can Overcome!

2. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You

3. Family Bullying: 9 Powerful Tips to Buffer Yourself Peacefully

4. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

5. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

facts about bullying in school

Facts About Bullying

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Want to know all the facts about bullying? Here is everything you need to know.

facts about bullying

There are certain facts about bullying that you must know before you can overcome it. These truths will encourage you to stand up to bullying and overcome it. How does she know, you may ask. Because they did me.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the crucial facts about bullying so you can stand up and defend yourself.

Once you learn all about these life-changing truths, you will be encouraged to take care of yourself and take back your power.

This post gives you all the facts about bullying that you need to gather the courage to stand up to it and take your life back.

Facts about Bullying

Before you can gather the courage to stand up to bullying, there are hard truths you need to know. These are facts that I had to learn the hard way. So, let’s dive right in!

Here they are.

1. Bullying and freedom cannot coexist.

Bullying and personal freedom can never coexist. Why? Because bullying is zero-sum. Always. When you suffer from bullying, it’s akin to being held hostage.

In essence, they bind and gag you. In short, they take away your personal power! And without that power, you have no freedom.

Either you’re free to be yourself, or people bully you for it. You either have personal power or people bully you and take it away.

Freedom means being free to be a human being and make mistakes. It also means being allowed to learn from those mistakes. However, when people constantly bully you for those things, that’s not freedom. It’s enslavement.

Instead, they brutally punish you for making mistakes that anyone else could’ve made. Moreover, anyone else would have gotten a pass because all humans make mistakes.

2. Facts about Bullying:

It takes away your humanity.

When you’re bullied, there’s no margin for error. On the other hand, if you’re fortunate enough to be on equal footing with everyone else around you, you have that luxury.

Others will look at you and realize that we’re all imperfect humans. Therefore, they’ll cut you some slack.

Understand that bullying dehumanizes you. Others either see you as a human being or they don’t. Bullying will strip you of any shred of humanity.

It renders you sub-human in the minds of not only bullies but, in many cases, bystanders.

Moreover, this process can happen quickly, in as little as a few months. Bullies bully you so frequently that bystanders grow accustomed to it and become desensitized.

And why not? They watch them brutalize you every day, sometimes several times per day.

3. No one likes a victim of bullying.

 It’s a fact. No one respects a victim. No one likes a victim.

In your mind, you may not be a victim but a target. And that’s a good thing. However, because others see you being beaten down all the time, they will view you as a victim.

And most people don’t have the critical thinking skills to know the difference.

Therefore, you must document everything that happens in detail. Or you must find a way to leave the bullying environment. Otherwise, if it goes on long enough, it will take a toll on your mental health.

Your mental health is important here. You must take steps to reclaim your freedom.

4. Facts about Bullying:

You can never appease a bully.

Never! No matter what you do to satisfy the bullies. You may tell them what they want to hear. You may submit to them. And sure, they may go away and leave you alone. But only for the time being.

That small reprieve bullies give you will always be short-lived.

Why? Because your submission has always worked. It gave your bullies what they want. In your submission, you are rewarding their behavior.

You may have told them what they want to hear. Or you could have let them cheat off you during an exam. Maybe you allowed them to take credit for your idea

Nevertheless, you rewarded their behavior. Therefore, they will always come back for more. And the same goes whether you endure bullying in school, the workplace, or in your community.

Additionally, your bullies get psychological rewards from your having to constantly tiptoe around them. Why? Because it gives them a sense of power and domination.

Bullying is all about power… raw power! And they will never give that up. Not without a fight!

5. Facts about Bullying:

You can never submit your way out of being Bullied.

I cannot stress this enough. Again, you can never appease a bully. Any attempts to do so will only have the opposite effect.

Trying to appease a bully only makes you appear weak. It then emboldens them to come back for more later. Why? Because it is what has been working for them all along!

You will spend years jumping through hoops. You will bend yourself into a pretzel. And you will be stuck, wondering when your bullies will be back in your face again.

This is no way to live. Life is too short to waste one second being an emotional slave to someone else.

Eventually, you will need to take a hard stand before they will finally leave you alone. The last thing you want is to spend the rest of your life being someone else’s doormat.

The only way to stop being bullied is to buck up!

You must get tired of it and confront them head-on when they come for you. Speak out against them, to their faces, if need be. And when you say it, say it bluntly and mean it!

Then, if they respond with physical threats and violence, be ready to hit back and defend yourself.

Sometimes it takes a final showdown before your bullies will finally give you the respect you deserve. Do you remember the movie “Tombstone”?

A band of bullies had terrorized an entire boom town. They killed one Earp brother and wounded another. Afterwards, Wyatt Earp and his buddies made their final stand.

They hunted down each member of the Cowboys gang. And they all but eradicated them, which eventually led to their disbandment.

This is not to say you should hunt down your bullies, but you get the point.

6. Facts about Bullying:

Bullies thrive on your fear of retaliation and further harm.

Your fear of retaliation and suffering further harm is understandable. It is a natural human response to danger. So, in no way am I blaming you for it.

However, realize that your bullies thrive on your perfectly normal fear response. And they will exploit it every chance they get! And why not?

Your fear has thus far gotten them what they want. It has rewarded your bullies both psychologically and, more than likely, materially. So, why would they stop now or ever, for that matter?

Understand that rewards feel good! And if it feels good, humans want more and more of it! So, again, why would your bullies stop trying to get more of it?

Moreover, why would they stop doing the very things to you that have proved to be successful?

Human nature dictates that your bullies will always come back for more rewards! And they will return to the source of the rewards (you). Moreover, they will repeat the same methods that have enabled them to attain those rewards.

For example, a prospector finds a gold mine loaded with gold. There’s nothing to stop him from stealing it. Therefore, he’s not going to stop mining for it just because there’s more gold in it than he can carry.

No. He’s going to return to the mine later to get more gold. Consequently, if there’s no barrier to stop him, he will keep going back until there’s no more gold left in the mine.

Facts about Bullying:

if there’s more free gold in the mine, why not go back for it?

People are greedy like that. Bullies are no exception to this rule when it comes to power. You are the goldmine, and your personal power is the gold.

Each time they return, they will chip away at your self-esteem more and more to get that gold. Therefore, the trick here is to stop supplying “the gold.”

There’s a reason for boundaries.

Stop rewarding their behavior and set boundaries! Remember that mine owners usually had armed guards posted to prevent greedy prospectors from robbing them.

The guards are the boundaries for the mine. They protect the mine by keeping the robbers out.

Also, nations have boundaries to keep out foreign invaders. And people should have them as well to ward off others who would otherwise use and abuse them.

These Facts about Bullying will make you angry – at yourself!

In most cases, realizing these truths will make you angry. Then, you will grow so sick of being crapped on.

You’ll be angry with yourself for having allowed them to abuse you for so long. Also, you will reach the point where you stop caring how the bullies respond.

In other words, you will be willing to face the possibility of getting beaten within an inch of your life. However, you won’t care anymore. Damn the consequences!

Your attitude will be, “They may whip me, but I’ll go down swinging and get a few good licks in! I’ll leave a few marks on them, and they’ll know I’ve been there!”

You will be so furious that you’ll flatly refuse to live in fear any longer, come what may.

7. Facts about Bullying:

Bullies only understand strength and power. They do not understand reason, diplomacy, nor politeness.

You cannot handle bullies with kid gloves. In other words, there are no nice or polite ways to deal with them. You cannot be nice when setting boundaries.

Bullies only see niceties, pleasantries, and politeness as weaknesses to exploit and manipulate. They do not respect you for having those things.

Also, you can never reason with bullies. Bullies only perceive any form of diplomacy and reasoning to be signs of weakness.

Therefore, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are. When you set your boundaries, do so firmly and bluntly. And mean it!

You cannot just set boundaries and expect your bullies to respect them. You must also enforce those boundaries with consequences because bullies will see this as a challenge. And you can best believe they will rise to that challenge.

In other words, they will violate your newly established boundaries. And they’ll do it to dare you and to prove that they can. Also, they may try to gaslight you.

That’s when you impose harsh consequences. And when you do, make sure that the consequences are severe enough to make them stop!

The consequences must be so severe that your bullies won’t even want to look in your direction again, much less mess with you.

Facts about Bullying:

You must speak from a position of power and strength.

To put it figuratively, unleash hellfire and put the fear of God in them! Think Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the Pearl Harbor attack. Japan never attacked us again afterwards.

We eventually won their respect, and they became one of our closest friends. And we continue to be friends with Japan today.

Here it is, in a nutshell. When you’re dealing with bullies, it’s either put up or shut up.

In Closing

 The bullying you suffer may get worse before it gets better. Why? Because bullies always fight the hardest when they know they’re losing their power over you.

Therefore, don’t give up. Stick to your guns. And know that eventually, after you severely school your bullies enough times, they will eventually get the message. They will give up and go find another chump to jerk around.

This will be very difficult, if not terrifying. However, if you don’t want to waste years tiptoeing around bullies, you must realize these facts. These aren’t opinions, they’re facts.

These essential truths were the ones I had to realize before I could muster the courage to defend myself. Then, I could finally put a stop to the years-long nightmare I was living in.

THis post gave you all the facts about bullying so that you will be emboldened to stand up for yourself once and for all.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

2. Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

3. Why People Reward Bullies

4. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

5. Facts About Respect: 9 Time-Tested Truths You Must Know

self-esteem in children today

Self-Esteem in Children: 3 Powerful Ways to Build a Child’s Self-Esteem

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Self-esteem in children today is at its lowest. Here are powerful tips to help you build your child’s self-esteem.

self-esteem in childrenBullying can be devastating to a child’s self-esteem. The damage can last a lifetime. It can have a negative effect on their progress even into adulthood.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to build self-esteem in children so we can raise a generation of kids who are strong and confident.

Once you learn about these confidence-building techniques, your child will have more confidence than they ever thought. Even better, they will be able to stand up to bullies and take back their power.

This post is all about self-esteem in children and how to turn young victims of bullying into powerful forces that drive bullies away.

Self-Esteem in Children

Children’s self-esteem is at an all-time low today. And it’s because bullying is at an all-time high.

No, it isn’t your fault.

You and your child are innocent in this, but you still must do some damage control.

The parents of bullies won’t teach them kindness and empathy. Therefore, you must teach your children the confidence to stand up to bullies.

I hate to say this, but you don’t get out of this without some degree of responsibility. No, it isn’t fair. However, nothing in life ever is.

You must do most of the confidence-building work with your child.

 As a parent of a bullied child, you still have to take action. You must do your part to help your children build their confidence so they can flourish.

Confidence is one of the best things you can teach your child.

Teaching targets confidence involves teaching them to look within for their validation. In other words, you must teach your child never to look to bullies or anyone else to confirm their worth.

The best way to do this is to create experiences that balance out the negative experiences at school. To neglect this work would be devastating for our children!

Self-Esteem in Children:

How to Create Positive Experiences for your child.

Raising your child’s self-esteem won’t be easy, especially if other kids bully them at school. So, what are the easiest ways to do it?

1. give them opportunities to make friends outside their toxic school environment.

For instance, they can join a martial arts class, a scout troop, or go to summer camp. There are so many options available for bullied children to forge lasting friendships.

You will be amazed at just how it will help build their self-esteem.

Yes, kind words, encouragement, and verbal reinforcement are important. But giving them the positive experiences that back them up will work doubly well.

Why? Because it will serve as confirmation that they really are good and normal kids.

So, give your bullied child fun, positive experiences they can look back on. They will thank you for it later! I guarantee it!

Self-Esteem in Children:

Why It’s So Important for Targets to Meet New People Outside the Bullying Environment

If you’ve ever been a target of bullying, meeting new people can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there. It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid of rejection.

After all, it seems that everyone else you know already has. And you don’t want to risk it happening again.

However, never be afraid to meet new people. Why? Because they are opportunities for you to make friends and allies.

Total strangers are the best people to meet and establish connections with. They make the best potential friends because you have no history with them.

They don’t know you from the bullying environment. Therefore, you aren’t a target to them and likely never will be.

With total strangers, you can start from scratch. You have opportunities to put your best foot forward and make it count.

So, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy or nervous. Find out what you have in common with the person and establish common ground.

Be genuinely interested in the person. People love those who are interested in them and their lives. Make small talk and show them the awesome person you can be.

I promise you that you’ll be glad you did. And your self-esteem will shoot up tenfold!

Self-Esteem in Children:

Finding That Healthy Balance Between Positive and Negative Experiences

Everyone has both positive and negative experiences with others. This can determine the level of confidence and self-esteem.

The trick is to keep the positive either equal to or higher than the negative. Many bullied children feel hopeless. Why?

Because they’ve had so many negative experiences with people. As a result, any positive experiences they once had became irrelevant.

2. Think of self-esteem as a bank account.

If others bully a child nonstop for long enough, they can delete their positive experiences.

If you’re a parent of bullied children, you must deposit “money” into their bank accounts every day. And you must do it with words of encouragement and love.

You also contribute by teaching them confidence. Again, you must create plenty of positive experiences for them. And those positive experiences must outnumber the negative ones they get from bullies at school.

Only then will the self-esteem be prepared, and the victimized child begin to regain that confidence.

Once you restore your child’s confidence, they will be better able to stand up to bullies. And they just might cease to be a victim.

Talking about it and getting it out in the open does help with healing. However, it only does so much.

To keep their self-esteem from tanking, you must help them create positive social connections. Therefore, help them establish friendships outside of the bullying environment.

It will help them create wonderful memories. And that is the best kind of therapy there is.

3. Self-Esteem in Children:

Be a good listener.

Encourage the target to open up about the bullying at school. Be there for them when they are sad. Put your arm around them and provide them plenty of love and assurance.

Be supportive.

Add that with the other two tips, and you have a sure-fire way to restore their confidence.

Here’s why you must build your child’s self-esteem as early as possible.

We Are What We Think

You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” It’s the same with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

Victims of school bullying can start off as confident and outgoing kids. However, after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure and withdrawn.

Sometimes, they can turn against themselves. They began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life.

They stop believing in their own good qualities. Moreover, they no longer think they’ll ever be loved or accepted. And they feel that nothing will ever go right for them.

Sure enough, things soon begin to happen that match their thoughts and feelings. These poor kids began to fall out with friends and family. And they have back-to-back bad breaks.

Then, they develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected, unsuccessful, and unlucky.

Self-Esteem in children:

Thought patterns determine outcomes.

You must realize that your thought patterns determine your outlook (attitude).

  • Outlook determines your decisions and behavior.
  • Your decisions and behavior determine your outcomes.
  • Your outcomes determine your life and the events that happen in it.
  • All this then reinforces your outlook or attitude.

This becomes a cycle, and cycles always repeat themselves.

Anytime you think a thought, you send a message. And, sooner or later, you get a response that matches. It always returns as an event, situation, or circumstance.

And once it becomes a vicious cycle in your life, it’s damn hard to break that cycle. Cycles can be broken. Yes. But it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work.

The changes won’t happen overnight. And the reason is that, once a pattern is set, unseen forces will, at first, fight against any change you try to make.

Your subconscious mind has become comfortable with the way things are. And, just as most people hate change, so do higher powers.

In Closing

But know that if you keep building their confidence, their breakthrough will come eventually. It has to because they will refuse to give up. Teach them to know themselves and love themselves.

And be careful, they don’t let bullying influence how they think. You must fight like the devil to ensure that they hold on to their self-belief. Their lives and their trajectory depend on it!

If you help your child hold on to their positive attitude and sense of self,  you’ll save them a lot of time and hard work. Most of all, you’ll save them from a lot of pain and misery.

Bullying is the number one cause of low self-esteem in children. Just as you protect their physical health, you must also protect their mental health. It’s the only way they will be able to overcome bullying.

This post was all about self-esteem in children and ways to build your child’s self-esteem so that they can stand in their power and grow into healthy adults.

1. Low Self-Esteem Causes: 3 Things that Crush Your Confidence

2. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Easy Ways

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

How to Stop Being a Victim: Ways to Stand Up to Bullies

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Want to know how to stop being a victim of bullying? Here are ways you can stand up to bullies and protect your mental and physical health.

how to stop being a victim

Many people, of all ages, are victims of bullying. And they don’t have to be. Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stop being a victim of bullying.

Once you learn all these crucial steps, you will be a force to be reckoned with. And bullies will think twice before they ever mess with you again.

This post is all about how to stop being a victim of bullying so that you can find your strength and take back your power.

How to Stop Being a Victim

Have you ever wondered why bullies are so good at picking out the right targets? It’s mostly in the body language.

Victim body language is easy to see

The body language that victims display is so easy to spot. However, most people in authority either ignore it or don’t consider it. It is this body language that attracts bullies, users, and abusers!

Bullies can pick up on this body language from a mile away. And they will instantly think, “target!” and take full advantage. Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying, you must take steps to correct your body language and start displaying nonverbals that signal power.

It won’t be easy. However, if you want to stop looking like bully bait, you can. I believe in you. All you have to do is catch yourself displaying any of the above nonverbal cues. Then, you can correct it.

How do You Stop Looking Like a Victim?

When you catch yourself slouching, sit or stand up straight. If you see that you’re looking down, hold your head up and look straight ahead.

Also, uncross your arms and legs. Start making eye contact with people. And when people do you wrong, don’t be so forgiving.

Begin seeing your worth and setting boundaries. Lose the sheepish look and replace it with confidence.

Do these things, and your situation will likely improve. Realize that you don’t need permission to be yourself. You have every right to exist!

Things may get worse before they get better. However, it’ll be worth it in the long run. I guarantee it.

How to Stop Being a Victim:

5 Body Language Mistakes You Should Avoid

Human predators are always on the hunt for targets. Therefore, they look for signs in you that scream “victim.”

Bullies will study your body language first and foremost. They also note your emotional reactions to certain stimuli.

In other words, they watch how you handle conflict and adversity. But first things first. Let’s discuss body language you should avoid.

1. Lack of Eye-contact (Looking down or away)

Lack of eye contact signals either dishonesty or a lack of confidence, which is exactly what bullies look for.

Many victims get nervous in social situations. This is understandable. When people have bullied you long enough, you no longer feel safe in social interactions.

Therefore, you often avoid them altogether.

A little nervousness is normal. However, when you’re so nervous that you avoid eye contact with others, bullies will notice. They will select you as a victim.

Moreover, people who aren’t necessarily bullies may mistake you for being deceptive.

Therefore, the best approach is to relax and look others in the eye when socializing. Realize that not everything is about you. The truth is that people are more worried about themselves than they are about you.

Make the interaction about the other person or people in the conversation. Smile. Act confident. Acting confident may seem fake. However, personal experience has taught me that if you act confident, you will soon feel confident.

Confidence is the best way to navigate any social situation. Also, it lessens your chances of attracting bullies.

2. How to Stop Being a Victim:

submissive body language

Avoid poor posture, such as slouching or hunching. Also, people-pleasing is another form of submission (more on that later).

You must stop this behavior right now. Begin standing and sitting up straight. Stop trying to please other people and start meeting your own needs instead.

Remember that you deserve just as much as anyone else to have your needs and wants met. Start working toward your own goals.

3. self-protective behaviors (closed body language)

Crossing your arms in front of you, crossing your legs signals fear. So is hunkering down into your shoulders and hiding your neck. They are all self-protective behaviors.

Bullies will instantly notice this behavior from a mile away and think, “fresh meat!” when they see it.

Instead, open up and allow yourself to take up some space. Lengthen your neck and hold your head high. Relax. This is how you keep from appearing like a victim.

4. How to Stop Being a Victim:

Having a Sheepish Look On Your Face

That includes downcast eyes, a downcast head, and a bashful look. Again, hold your head high. Look people in the eye and smile. I guarantee you they will appreciate it when you do, and they will think more highly of you.

5. trying to stay motionless to avoid drawing attention

This almost always gets you opposite results. Staying motionless won’t keep you from drawing attention. It just might get you the wrong attention- from bullies.

You must move freely, and I’m going to say it again… relax!

You must watch your body language if you don’t want human predators to spot you as a potential target. If you catch yourself looking down, correct it by making eye contact or looking ahead.

If you catch yourself slouching, sit up straight. And keep doing this until it becomes second nature, no matter how long it takes.

Because body language speaks louder than words ever will. Not only should you mind your own body language, but you should also watch the bullies’ nonverbal cues.

6. People-Pleasing.

Behaviors such as shying away from saying what you want and not pursuing your needs are forms of people-pleasing.

Also, you say yes when you really want to say no. And the reason is that you want to reduce the risk of conflict or to keep the peace.

However, you must realize that if your needs upset the people around you, then it’s time to re-evaluate those relationships.

You might be with the wrong people.

How NOT to be a Victim

1. How to Stop Being a Victim: Say “No.”

In case no one has told you, it’s okay to say no. There will be times when you don’t want to do something. Someone will ask you to do something, and you just don’t feel like doing it.

Maybe you’ve said yes to people for so many years. And now you’re exhausted. All you want to do is rest and have a quiet time.

There’s nothing wrong with saying no. People may not like it. But you need to take care of yourself first.

2. Call them out and tell them to knock it off when they mess with you.

In life, there will be people who provoke you. Realize that you don’t have to stay silent and tolerate their crap.

Tell them in no uncertain terms to knock it off. Call out their behavior. You must show them that you aren’t afraid to stick up for yourself.

3. Look them in the eye.

When someone tries to bully you, you may be tempted to look away. Especially if they have a mean look on their face. However, don’t let them intimidate you.

You must stand up to them. And part of standing your ground is looking the bully in the eye when you tell them to back the hell off.

And when you do, look at them without blinking. Mirror their facial expression. They just might think twice before messing with you again.

4. How to Stop Being a Victim:

Speak in a firm tone.

When you tell a bully to back the hell off, tone will determine whether he takes you seriously. I’ve seen many victims use a high-pitched voice to tell them to step off.

But the bullies only challenged that. Therefore, when you tell someone to get lost, you must do it in a low, firm tone.

And while doing that, you must look at the bully in the eye and stand with power. That means, arms akimbo and feet shoulder-width apart.

Remember that your body language must match your words. Otherwise, your message falls flat.

5. Don’t back down.

When you stand up for yourself, human predators may view this as a challenge. Therefore, they may push back or double down in their behavior. They may also threaten you with physical violence.

But don’t back down, no matter what they do. Why? Because if you do, you will be telling them what works to subdue you. Then it will be harder to defend yourself the next time.

How to stop being a victim:

In Closing

Stopping from being a victim means that you stop giving off that bullied vibe. And how you kill that vibe is by setting boundaries and practicing body language, facial expressions, and a tone that conveys power.

And once you signal power, people are less likely to continue bullying you. You would be surprised at how fast they’ll leave you alone.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

The purpose of this post was to teach you how to stop being a victim so that you can take back your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying: 13 Subtle Signs to Look for. 

2. That Bullied Vibe: How Not to Attract More Bullies

3. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

4. Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

5. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

objectives of bullying in schools

Objectives of Bullying: 15 Goals of Bullies

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‘Want to know the objectives of bullying? Here are all the goals of bullies that you need to know about.

objectives of bullying

There are many reasons people bully. And they vary from bully to bully. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the objectives of bullying to relieve any confusion you may have.

Once you learn all about these objectives, you will have the knowledge that will serve as a buffer to your self-esteem. Moreover, you will be better able to outflank bullies when they come after you.

This post is all about the objectives of bullying, so that you won’t be racking your brain, asking, “Why are they bullying me?”

Objectives of Bullying

Understand that when bullies bully you, they have goals that they want to achieve. No one does anything for nothing. There is always an eventual payoff to everything we do. This is a part of human nature.

Once you understand why people bully, you gain a whole new perspective on it. So, why do bullies bully? Here are all the goals and objectives of bullying behavior.

1. To Undermine your Confidence.

Bullying always starts small, in little-bitty bites. Little by little, bullies take tiny nibbles out of your confidence.

It begins with a sarcastic comment here, a backhanded compliment there. Or, they may give you a contemptuous glare this week and an eye roll next week.

However, you must realize why they do this. Bullies start with these subtle jabs to soften you up for bigger attacks later.

At the same time, they can protect themselves from detection. If the attacks are subtle, who’s going to notice besides you? And how are you going to defend yourself?

You’ll only look unstable if you openly address it. But you still need to confront this in the beginning stage. Why? Because it will only get worse from here if you don’t.

Therefore, the best way to deal with this kind of bullying is to return fire using the same tactics they use. For example, if they give you a dirty look, return the gesture. And if they hurl a zinger or two your way, respond with one of your own.

By doing this, you protect your mental health.

2. Objectives of Bullying:

To exert power over you

Bullies want to take power over you. Once you realize this, you will be less likely to allow it. You see? Most bullies have no control over their own lives. Therefore, they wish run yours.

Moreover, bullies are addicted to power. Therefore, they get a rush from it. The problem is that this power high doesn’t last long. And once it wears off, they will come back for more.

This is why they keep attacking. But you don’t have to take that kind of abuse. You can stand up to bullies. And how you do it is to use the same tactics they use and return fire.

This lets them know that you aren’t an easy target.

3. To Damage Your reputation

This is especially true with social bullies. They use relational aggression to turn your friends against you and make it hard for you to make new ones.

Bullies do this by using gossip and smear campaigns to sully your good name. They may spread lies and rumors about you. And they may set you up to look bad in public.

You see, if they can make you look evil or defective in the eyes of others, then they can isolate you. They can cut you off from support.

And once you have no support, bullies can bully you anytime they feel like it. And they can get away with it.

Why? Because if everyone hates you, who’s going to stop them from abusing you?

4. Objectives of Bullying:

To take away your credibility

Once your credibility is gone, no one will trust you. Therefore, who’s going to believe you when you tell someone that you’re being bullied?

By making you appear untrustworthy, bullies don’t have to worry about you telling on them. Why? Because no one will believe you if you do.

Then, they can bully you freely and with impunity. So, you must do what you can to defend yourself.

5. To raise their own social status

Many bullies bully to climb the social ladder. This is often a motivation of school bullies who wish to become popular.

Sadly, to most kids these days, it’s cool to be cruel. Therefore, these kinds of bullies think that for them to rise, someone else must fall.

The ends justify the means. Right? If they can get their high status at your expense, then why not?

6. to Demoralize you

When bullies demoralize you, they erode your confidence. Bullies do this to weaken you.

You see? A confident person won’t put up with abuse. Moreover, they won’t give in to fear. This threatens the bullies’ power.

Your confidence is like a fortress. To defeat an enemy, you must break down their fortress. It’s the same with bullies. If they have selected you as their target, they must demoralize you.

Once they do that, it’s easier for them to take power over you. This is why you must never ignore bullying. You must respond with strength.

7. Objectives of Bullying:

to Tighten Bonds in Their In-Group

Sadly, hate is a stronger emotion than love. Nothing unites people faster than the shared hatred of something or someone.

There’s strength in numbers. Therefore, is it any wonder bullies usually run in packs? You will never see them alone because the mere thought of standing alone scares them to death. The group is their power.

The stronger the solidarity, the less likely the group will disband. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

You are the tool that holds them together. Without you, the group is weak. And things will get boring real fast. And it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Therefore, they bully you to bond with one another.

8. to make you afraid

Bullying thrives on fear. Without your fear, bullies don’t stand a chance. Fear is the fuel that drives them.

Therefore, no matter how difficult, you must not let them scare you. So, how do you do that? You do it by realizing that your bullies are the real cowards.

Why? Because they have to bully you to appear tough. Moreover, they put on the biggest facades. Bullies have an image to maintain.

Therefore, they work hard to keep up appearances. If others saw them for who they really are, no one would like them. And that is the bullies’ biggest fear.

9. Objectives of Bullying:

to silence your voice

Sadly, if you are being bullied, you may keep it to yourself. You don’t speak up because you’re afraid of making the situation worse.

For example, you may fear retaliation. Or, you might be too embarrassed to talk about it. Maybe you blame yourself for their behavior.

Whatever your reasons, there’s something you should know right now. Bullying thrives on silence. And there are reasons bullies try to keep you quiet.

Think about it. If they can keep you quiet, they maintain their power over you. Understand that your voice is powerful. And your bullies know it.

10. to make them feel better about themselves

Many bullies have low self-esteem. Therefore, the only way they know how to raise it is to trash yours.

You don’t have to allow them to do that. Therefore, use this little nugget of truth to stand up to them.

For instance, you can respond with, “Is putting others down the only way you can feel better about yourself?”

Then walk away. By responding this way, you are bringing attention to your bullies’ lack of confidence. At the same time, you’re defending yourself with strength.

11. Objectives of Bullying:

to distract negative attention away from themselves

Many bullies will bully you as a distraction. If everyone’s too busy watching you, they won’t notice the bully’s shortcomings. Therefore, the bully can keep hiding their flaws.

The hidden message is, “Don’t look over here, look over there.”

12. to project their feelings of insecurity onto you

Many bullies use protection for the same reasons. They do it to distract others’ attention from their behavior by focusing on your reaction to it.

Therefore, you get the blame.

13. to get attention and admiration

Bullies are the biggest attention whores. Moreover, they think that everyone should bow down and worship them.

If you’re in an environment that supports bullying, people will think that it’s cool to bully. So they will admire anyone who mistreats others.

This is exactly what the bully wants. Therefore, it’s up to you to stand up for yourself and give them the comeuppance they deserve.

Humiliate the bully with a good comeback, and the bullying will stop. I guarantee it.

14. For revenge

Many bullies bully to take revenge on someone they believe wronged them. It’s their way of getting even. However, anyone who seeks revenge against you is obsessed with you.

The best way to stand up to revenge bullying is to call it out publicly. You will humiliate them, and bullies hate to be humiliated. And chances are that they’ll leave you alone.

However, make sure that you aren’t dealing with a bully with narcissism. Why? Because this doesn’t work on those with NPD. It only enrages them and makes them more determined to come after you.

Just be aware of the type of bully you’re dealing with.

15. For Attention.

Most bullies are attention whores. Therefore, they bully to gain attention and admiration from bystanders.

So, if attention is what they want, why not help them out? Stand up to them by delivering a witty comeback that will shame the hell out of them. Then watch them squirm with embarrassment when everyone laughs at them.

This post was all about the objectives of bullying to motivate you to defend yourself and take back control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Causes of Bullying: 9 Proven Factors That Trigger Bullying

2.  The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Affects Mental Health

3. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

4. Negative Self-Beliefs: 5 Ways They Affect Victims of Bullying

5. Social Bullying: Clever Ways to Protect Yourself from It

happiness is a choice not a result

Happiness is a Choice: 9 Ways to be Happy

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Did you know that happiness is a choice, not something that only happens to a lucky few? Here are all the reasons you can choose happiness so that you can make that choice today.

happiness is a choice

Let’s face it, most people aren’t happy. Rare is the person who is happy. Believe it or not, most people live crappy lives, and it’s the reason why rates of depression and suicide are so high.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn that happiness is a choice. Moreover, you will learn how to attain happiness and change your life.

Once you learn this important truth, you will be encouraged to take steps to grab the happiness that you deserve.

This post is about a truth most people don’t yet realize: happiness is a choice, not something that happens to you.

Happiness is a choice

People don’t know how to be happy. And it’s why we have so many who have anger issues. Many only know how to use violence to get their needs met.

Most people drown in misery. And it’s the reason we have so many bullies and abusers running around terrorizing people.

With bullies, using force is the only way they can feel in control. Without you to push around, they would have to take stock of their own lives. Then they would have to admit they’ve lost control over their circumstances.

However, many lead crappy lives.  These are those who are bullies, victims, or neither. But why?

There are several reasons.

Most people try to put on a fake persona to impress others. Victims do it to keep from being bullied and only achieve the exact opposite. Bullies do it to seek admiration. Those who are neutral do it to be liked.

However, what they don’t realize is that happiness comes from within, not without. It is a choice. It’s not something that only happens to a lucky few.

Happiness is a Choice:

You can either lead a happy life or a crappy life.

Naturally, we all want a happy life. However, the sad thing is, not everyone knows how. Because they aren’t sure how to achieve happiness, most stay stuck on autopilot. So, let’s break it down.

What does it mean to be happy? And what does it mean to have a crappy life?

There are 5 differences.

1. Living happily

This means walking away from people who are not healthy for you. It means turning your back on people who abuse and use you.

Moreover, it means saying goodbye to those who only come around when they want or need something. In short, it means letting go of people who don’t value you.

Most of all, you must be willing to be alone until better people come along.

Happiness is a Choice:

Living crappily

To lead a crappy existence means putting up with people who aren’t healthy for you. It means clinging to those who continue to use and abuse you.

It means being afraid of being alone and friendless. Therefore, you don’t have the guts to tell them to take a hike.

It also means tolerating people who only approach when they want something. Then, giving them what they want, while wishing and hoping that, someday, they’ll see your value.

But here’s a newsflash! That someday may never come. No one will notice your worth as long as you don’t value yourself.

You don’t respect yourself enough to tell them to step off. And even then, they may never value you.

But wouldn’t you much rather do bad by yourself rather than put up with those who mistreat you?

2. Happiness is a Choice:

Living Happily

It depends on how you spend your free time. You spend your leisure time doing things that you enjoy.  You make time for play. And, you also make time for rest.

Moreover, you use your free time to grow yourself. You exercise and get healthy. You read books to learn and expand your mind. Living happily means focusing on your hobbies and interests. It also means working on your goals.

Happiness won’t just fall into your lap. You must create it.

Living crappily

Instead of getting out of the house, you sit on your butt and watch TV all day. Some TV isn’t bad and can be enjoyable.

But when watching TV is all you do, you become sedentary, lazy, and stagnant. Living a crappy existence also means refusing to learn anything.

I know a few who dislike reading. Therefore, they stay stuck because they don’t learn anything new. I’ve also met people who don’t have goals, hobbies, or interests.

And it all makes for a boring life. Also, because they lack those resources, they tend to get into legal trouble. They may go out and get drunk or high because they’re bored.

And it only sets them on a path to misery and destruction.

3. Happiness is a Choice:

Living happily

To be happy, you must be yourself and own your quirks and flaws. You must speak your truth even if others resent you for it.

Own your emotions, the good and the bad ones, instead of burying them. Make fun of yourself when you fall on your keister from time to time.

Living crappily

To have a crappy existence is to try to be someone you aren’t. It means being a fake, a fraud, an imposter.

And, do you know what’s so bad about being a fake person? It’s that you’re constantly on high alert. You must work extra hard to ensure the mask doesn’t fall off. And that’s a stressful way to be.

You don’t own your emotions. For instance, someone does something to really tick you off. When others ask you how you are, you lie and tell them you’re just fine.

You also try to align your body language and facial expressions with your words. Rarely does that fool anyone, as micro-expressions will give you away.

Again, it’s too much work, and it’s work for nothing!

4. Happiness is a Choice:

Living happily

It depends on the way you do things. It means working smart and not hard. Also, it means taking your time and doing whatever you’re doing right.

Living crappily

This also depends on how you do things. It means working hard rather than working smart. It means rushing through whatever you’re doing and taking a chance on fouling it up. Then, you’ll have to start again.

5. Living happily

Every day, you count your blessings. This can be difficult at times; I understand. Things go wrong, and plans don’t work out.

Therefore, it can be difficult to see the silver lining when it seems your world is upside down. And I’ll let you in on a little secret- even I struggle with this sometimes.

Like you, I can get into a real funk too. But we must count blessings when we think about it, so that life won’t seem as dismal.

Happiness is a Choice:

Living crappily

You only see the glass as half-empty and life as one big hell-pit. I had this kind of attitude years ago, and it only made things worse for me.

Oh, man, did I have a funky attitude. You wouldn’t have wanted to know me back then. So, you can have happiness or crappiness. It’s your choice.

Being Happy doesn’t mean Everything is Perfect.

Happiness isn’t that everything is all peaches and cream. Even happy people have days when they don’t feel so good. And they have days when things go wrong.

Being happy doesn’t mean having a perfect life. It doesn’t mean living in zippity do-da land.

Again, what being happy really means is being authentic and growing in mind, body, and spirit.  It means having a purpose and goals to work toward. It also means allowing yourself time for play and relaxation.

In a nutshell, happiness means being true to yourself and everything about you.

Attaining Happiness

Happiness doesn’t fall into your lap, and it isn’t magically given. We choose happiness.

Once upon a time, I was the most negative person you ever met. However, when I grew tired of being miserable, I began reading extensively.

That’s when my eyes were opened, and I finally put in the work to change my attitude. In changing those things, I changed my life.

Again, everything isn’t perfect. I still have days when things don’t go the way I want. But I no longer see it as the end of the world.

There are even times I get angry or upset. However, the difference is that I don’t set up shop and stay there. I usually bounce back pretty quickly.

Happiness is a Choice:

9 Ways to Choose to be Happy

Here are additional ways to choose happiness.

1. Check your thoughts.

It starts with a single thought. Negative thoughts will cross your mind. It’s a part of life. Therefore, you must catch it and replace it with a positive one.

Once you begin to do this, it’ll slowly become a habit. Keep it up long enough, and it will become like second nature.

You’ll be so surprised by how your life will improve. Like magic, positive people and experiences will suddenly begin flowing into your life. I can tell you this from experience!

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The small stuff is what people think and say of you. You shouldn’t worry about it because they don’t matter. Neither do their opinions and petty remarks. Never let bullies determine how you feel about yourself.

Therefore, forget about them and continue to do you.

3. Do what you enjoy most.

Do what fulfills you. Engage in hobbies and interests. You must create opportunities to enjoy yourself.

4. Happiness is a Choice:

Spend time with those you love.

Hold your family and closest friends close to your heart. Visit them often and don’t lose touch.

5. Learn something new every day.

If you’re not learning, you’re stagnating. Reading and learning new things can be exciting, and they help you grow!

So, grab a good book. I guarantee it will deliver significant dividends!

6. Find a hobby.

Hobbies are fun, and they keep your mind off the bad stuff. They also give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment!

Having hobbies is essential to mental health, especially if others bully you.

7. Happiness is a Choice:

Stay away from drama.

Others’ moods have a way of rubbing off on you. So, stay far away from anyone who’s immersed in drama. Otherwise, they’ll smother and kill your vibe!

You have a choice of the people you allow in your life. Choose wisely.

8. Find Purpose.

This is closely related to number 8. To me, the key to happiness is finding purpose- a purpose that’s so much bigger than yourself.

Happiness comes when you answer a calling and make it your passion, purpose, and life’s work. Becoming an advocate for the bullied is what I love best.

That purpose is helping targets reclaim their power. This is so much bigger than me. And it’s why it feels so rewarding!

Contributing to helping others more successfully battle bullying isn’t for material gain, fame, or fortune. It’s for my spiritual fulfillment. It’s the inner rewards I get.

Making a difference and making the world a better place- even if just a little bit? There’s no reward that matches that! In other words, I want to be the person I needed when I was targeted years ago.

Material rewards are nice, don’t get me wrong. And I certainly won’t turn them down if God decides to bless me with them. I would like to make a good living doing what I love. After all, I’m human too.

But at the end of the day, the inner rewards- the rewards to the heart and spirit are more satisfying than I ever thought they would be. It’s what keeps me going, and it’s where my fulfillment comes from.

9. Happiness is a choice:

Create, Create, Create!

Producing something from your own brain and hands is the most fulfilling. Whether you create a music CD, a book, a sculpture, or a painting, you also create happiness for yourself.

Therefore, find out what you enjoy doing and build something from it.

Happiness is a Choice:

In Closing

Other ways to be happy include practicing self-acceptance, exercising, and trying new things.

I can’t stress this enough. Happiness comes from within. In other words, no one else is responsible for your happiness, only you.

How you get your happiness is to create it. And there are many ways you can do that.

The purpose of this post was to remind you that happiness is a choice so that you can take steps to reclaim the happiness you deserve.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

2. Let It Make You or Break You: Being a Victim of Bullying