happiness is a choice not a result

Happiness is a Choice: 9 Ways to be Happy

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Did you know that happiness is a choice, not something that only happens to a lucky few? Here are all the reasons you can choose happiness so that you can make that choice today.

happiness is a choice

Let’s face it, most people aren’t happy. Rare is the person who is happy. Believe it or not, most people live crappy lives, and it’s the reason why rates of depression and suicide are so high.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn that happiness is a choice. Moreover, you will learn how to attain happiness and change your life.

Once you learn this important truth, you will be encouraged to take steps to grab the happiness that you deserve.

This post is about a truth most people don’t yet realize: happiness is a choice, not something that happens to you.

Happiness is a choice

People don’t know how to be happy. And it’s why we have so many who have anger issues. Many only know how to use violence to get their needs met.

Most people drown in misery. And it’s the reason we have so many bullies and abusers running around terrorizing people.

With bullies, using force is the only way they can feel in control. Without you to push around, they would have to take stock of their own lives. Then they would have to admit they’ve lost control over their circumstances.

However, many lead crappy lives.  These are those who are bullies, victims, or neither. But why?

There are several reasons.

Most people try to put on a fake persona to impress others. Victims do it to keep from being bullied and only achieve the exact opposite. Bullies do it to seek admiration. Those who are neutral do it to be liked.

However, what they don’t realize is that happiness comes from within, not without. It is a choice. It’s not something that only happens to a lucky few.

Happiness is a Choice:

You can either lead a happy life or a crappy life.

Naturally, we all want a happy life. However, the sad thing is, not everyone knows how. Because they aren’t sure how to achieve happiness, most stay stuck on autopilot. So, let’s break it down.

What does it mean to be happy? And what does it mean to have a crappy life?

There are 5 differences.

1. Living happily

This means walking away from people who are not healthy for you. It means turning your back on people who abuse and use you.

Moreover, it means saying goodbye to those who only come around when they want or need something. In short, it means letting go of people who don’t value you.

Most of all, you must be willing to be alone until better people come along.

Happiness is a Choice:

Living crappily

To lead a crappy existence means putting up with people who aren’t healthy for you. It means clinging to those who continue to use and abuse you.

It means being afraid of being alone and friendless. Therefore, you don’t have the guts to tell them to take a hike.

It also means tolerating people who only approach when they want something. Then, giving them what they want, while wishing and hoping that, someday, they’ll see your value.

But here’s a newsflash! That someday may never come. No one will notice your worth as long as you don’t value yourself.

You don’t respect yourself enough to tell them to step off. And even then, they may never value you.

But wouldn’t you much rather do bad by yourself rather than put up with those who mistreat you?

2. Happiness is a Choice:

Living Happily

It depends on how you spend your free time. You spend your leisure time doing things that you enjoy.  You make time for play. And, you also make time for rest.

Moreover, you use your free time to grow yourself. You exercise and get healthy. You read books to learn and expand your mind. Living happily means focusing on your hobbies and interests. It also means working on your goals.

Happiness won’t just fall into your lap. You must create it.

Living crappily

Instead of getting out of the house, you sit on your butt and watch TV all day. Some TV isn’t bad and can be enjoyable.

But when watching TV is all you do, you become sedentary, lazy, and stagnant. Living a crappy existence also means refusing to learn anything.

I know a few who dislike reading. Therefore, they stay stuck because they don’t learn anything new. I’ve also met people who don’t have goals, hobbies, or interests.

And it all makes for a boring life. Also, because they lack those resources, they tend to get into legal trouble. They may go out and get drunk or high because they’re bored.

And it only sets them on a path to misery and destruction.

3. Happiness is a Choice:

Living happily

To be happy, you must be yourself and own your quirks and flaws. You must speak your truth even if others resent you for it.

Own your emotions, the good and the bad ones, instead of burying them. Make fun of yourself when you fall on your keister from time to time.

Living crappily

To have a crappy existence is to try to be someone you aren’t. It means being a fake, a fraud, an imposter.

And, do you know what’s so bad about being a fake person? It’s that you’re constantly on high alert. You must work extra hard to ensure the mask doesn’t fall off. And that’s a stressful way to be.

You don’t own your emotions. For instance, someone does something to really tick you off. When others ask you how you are, you lie and tell them you’re just fine.

You also try to align your body language and facial expressions with your words. Rarely does that fool anyone, as micro-expressions will give you away.

Again, it’s too much work, and it’s work for nothing!

4. Happiness is a Choice:

Living happily

It depends on the way you do things. It means working smart and not hard. Also, it means taking your time and doing whatever you’re doing right.

Living crappily

This also depends on how you do things. It means working hard rather than working smart. It means rushing through whatever you’re doing and taking a chance on fouling it up. Then, you’ll have to start again.

5. Living happily

Every day, you count your blessings. This can be difficult at times; I understand. Things go wrong, and plans don’t work out.

Therefore, it can be difficult to see the silver lining when it seems your world is upside down. And I’ll let you in on a little secret- even I struggle with this sometimes.

Like you, I can get into a real funk too. But we must count blessings when we think about it, so that life won’t seem as dismal.

Happiness is a Choice:

Living crappily

You only see the glass as half-empty and life as one big hell-pit. I had this kind of attitude years ago, and it only made things worse for me.

Oh, man, did I have a funky attitude. You wouldn’t have wanted to know me back then. So, you can have happiness or crappiness. It’s your choice.

Being Happy doesn’t mean Everything is Perfect.

Happiness isn’t that everything is all peaches and cream. Even happy people have days when they don’t feel so good. And they have days when things go wrong.

Being happy doesn’t mean having a perfect life. It doesn’t mean living in zippity do-da land.

Again, what being happy really means is being authentic and growing in mind, body, and spirit.  It means having a purpose and goals to work toward. It also means allowing yourself time for play and relaxation.

In a nutshell, happiness means being true to yourself and everything about you.

Attaining Happiness

Happiness doesn’t fall into your lap, and it isn’t magically given. We choose happiness.

Once upon a time, I was the most negative person you ever met. However, when I grew tired of being miserable, I began reading extensively.

That’s when my eyes were opened, and I finally put in the work to change my attitude. In changing those things, I changed my life.

Again, everything isn’t perfect. I still have days when things don’t go the way I want. But I no longer see it as the end of the world.

There are even times I get angry or upset. However, the difference is that I don’t set up shop and stay there. I usually bounce back pretty quickly.

Happiness is a Choice:

9 Ways to Choose to be Happy

Here are additional ways to choose happiness.

1. Check your thoughts.

It starts with a single thought. Negative thoughts will cross your mind. It’s a part of life. Therefore, you must catch it and replace it with a positive one.

Once you begin to do this, it’ll slowly become a habit. Keep it up long enough, and it will become like second nature.

You’ll be so surprised by how your life will improve. Like magic, positive people and experiences will suddenly begin flowing into your life. I can tell you this from experience!

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The small stuff is what people think and say of you. You shouldn’t worry about it because they don’t matter. Neither do their opinions and petty remarks. Never let bullies determine how you feel about yourself.

Therefore, forget about them and continue to do you.

3. Do what you enjoy most.

Do what fulfills you. Engage in hobbies and interests. You must create opportunities to enjoy yourself.

4. Happiness is a Choice:

Spend time with those you love.

Hold your family and closest friends close to your heart. Visit them often and don’t lose touch.

5. Learn something new every day.

If you’re not learning, you’re stagnating. Reading and learning new things can be exciting, and they help you grow!

So, grab a good book. I guarantee it will deliver significant dividends!

6. Find a hobby.

Hobbies are fun, and they keep your mind off the bad stuff. They also give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment!

Having hobbies is essential to mental health, especially if others bully you.

7. Happiness is a Choice:

Stay away from drama.

Others’ moods have a way of rubbing off on you. So, stay far away from anyone who’s immersed in drama. Otherwise, they’ll smother and kill your vibe!

You have a choice of the people you allow in your life. Choose wisely.

8. Find Purpose.

This is closely related to number 8. To me, the key to happiness is finding purpose- a purpose that’s so much bigger than yourself.

Happiness comes when you answer a calling and make it your passion, purpose, and life’s work. Becoming an advocate for the bullied is what I love best.

That purpose is helping targets reclaim their power. This is so much bigger than me. And it’s why it feels so rewarding!

Contributing to helping others more successfully battle bullying isn’t for material gain, fame, or fortune. It’s for my spiritual fulfillment. It’s the inner rewards I get.

Making a difference and making the world a better place- even if just a little bit? There’s no reward that matches that! In other words, I want to be the person I needed when I was targeted years ago.

Material rewards are nice, don’t get me wrong. And I certainly won’t turn them down if God decides to bless me with them. I would like to make a good living doing what I love. After all, I’m human too.

But at the end of the day, the inner rewards- the rewards to the heart and spirit are more satisfying than I ever thought they would be. It’s what keeps me going, and it’s where my fulfillment comes from.

9. Happiness is a choice:

Create, Create, Create!

Producing something from your own brain and hands is the most fulfilling. Whether you create a music CD, a book, a sculpture, or a painting, you also create happiness for yourself.

Therefore, find out what you enjoy doing and build something from it.

Happiness is a Choice:

In Closing

Other ways to be happy include practicing self-acceptance, exercising, and trying new things.

I can’t stress this enough. Happiness comes from within. In other words, no one else is responsible for your happiness, only you.

How you get your happiness is to create it. And there are many ways you can do that.

The purpose of this post was to remind you that happiness is a choice so that you can take steps to reclaim the happiness you deserve.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

2. Let It Make You or Break You: Being a Victim of Bullying

confidence definition

Confidence: 9 Reason’s It’s Important When You’re Being Bullied

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‘Want to know the importance of confidence when you’re being bullied? Here is everything you need to know.

confidence

It is the greatest gift you can have. However, it can be taken away by bullies and human predators who love nothing more than to undermine you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about confidence and why it’s crucial.

Once you learn all about this wonderful gift, you will be better able to withstand the onslaught of bullying. Moreover, you will defend yourself like a champ.

This post is about confidence and what it can do for you when bullies come after you.

Confidence Definition: What is the big C?

According to the Merriam-Webster website, the definition of confidence is “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.”

In other words, you know who you are and the good things you are capable of. You recognize your potential and aren’t afraid to try.

Confidence is not arrogance. It isn’t loud and boastful. True confidence is quiet. Why? Because when you know your worth and what you can do, there’s no need to brag.

1. It buffers your self-esteem from attacks.

Confidence automatically buffers your self-esteem from bullying. Why? Because when you’re confident, you know who you are. You’re not afraid to be yourself. Therefore, you are least likely to cave into the lies of bullies.

Instead, you will brush off your bullies with a “whatever.” And you won’t waste time arguing with them. You know that you don’t have to get on the defensive.

When you are confident, you will do the things you love most. Whether you love to swim, hike, or camp. Whatever you love doing, you will find opportunities to do these things.

Why? Because they raise your happiness quotient exponentially! The more happy moments you have, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Moreover, doing these things will help to buffer your self-esteem against personal attacks. It will lessen the pain of the attacks. Why? Because you’ll know you have friends, allies, talents, and joyous moments in life.

This is solid proof that refutes any toxic claims people may make. It will also help address the imbalance between adversity and success.

When you’re confident, you will take action to protect your self-esteem.

2. Confidence:

It gives you resilience.

When you’re confident, you are more likely to get through bullying. You will come out of it a winner. Then you will look back and realize you didn’t know your own strength.

If you can endure bullying and come out on top, then you can get through almost anything. And that, in itself, gives you even more confidence.

3. It’s easier to make friends and allies.

Let’s face it, confidence attracts people. Moreover, it draws the right people – those who are healthy.

When you are confident in yourself, others are more likely to share the way you feel about yourself. In other words, when you believe in yourself, the people around you will believe in you, too.

And you won’t need to announce it. Others will see your confidence in how you present yourself. They will notice it in your body language. The way you carry yourself will tell the tale.

Therefore, it will be much easier for you to make friends.

4. Confidence:

You heal from bullying faster.

Those with confidence and healthy self-esteem typically recover more quickly from bullying. Human predators may bring them down temporarily. But they won’t be able to keep them down.

A healthy self-esteem is a huge buffer to taunts and personal attacks. Therefore, when you’re confident, it’s much easier to blow off names, taunts, and ridicule. Why? Because you already have that foundation of knowing who you are and being proud of it.

5. Confidence:

It preserves your sense of self-worth.

When you are confident, you know your worth. Therefore, it will be much harder for bullies to undermine your self-esteem.

Nefarious people may attack, but you will see through their mean words. You will realize that the behavior says more about them than it does you.

You will see what pathetic cowards they really are. Therefore, you won’t give them any weight. Instead, you will coolly blow them off and keep going.

6. You’re more likely to defend yourself.

Many victims are not confident. Therefore, many don’t or won’t fight back. Why? Because others have tricked them into believing that they deserve abuse.

A confident person, on the other hand, has healthy self-esteem. They know that they don’t deserve abuse. And they’ll be damned before they tolerate it.

Therefore, they will quickly go toe-to-toe with anyone who attacks them. They won’t be afraid because they’ll take an ass-whooping before they allow others to degrade them.

Confident targets know that what bullies say about them is a lie. They also see through the bullies’ false bravado and fake toughness.

They know they are worth fighting for. Therefore, they won’t hesitate to stand up to their bullies and tell them to get stuffed.

7. Confidence: You’re less likely to give in to fear.

You know without a doubt that they don’t deserve to be bullied. So, you will not be afraid to defend yourself.

Moreover, Manipulators may try to intimidate you. They may even try to pressure you. However, you won’t budge no matter what the other person throws at you.

Why? Because you see right through their bullshit. You know when someone is trying to manipulate you. And you resent the hell out of it.

Therefore, you will only double down on your refusal. And you will tell the manipulator to take a flying leap.

8. You won’t be afraid to show your talents and gifts.

Why? Because you won’t care what others think or say. You realize that you will have haters. Moreover, you know that the best people have them.

You also realize that haters and naysayers always trash-talk from the sidelines. They are those who are too afraid to put any skin in the game.

For instance, you get up and sing in a contest. A few others in the audience try to heckle you. However, they wouldn’t have the guts to get up on that stage.

Therefore, you will view your critics as confirmation that you are doing something right. In fact, you will realize that most of them are jealous of your bravery.

Confidence gives you the courage to try new things. With it, you will show others what you’re made of.

9. With confidence, you aren’t afraid to pursue your goals.

When you are confident, you pursue your goals with enthusiasm. You aren’t afraid to go after what you want.

Instead of being afraid to try, you can’t wait to. Therefore, you are more likely to successfully reach your goals. Why? Because you won’t let anyone or anything stop you.

If people try to discourage you. You only go at it that much harder. And you end up succeeding, much to the chagrin of your bullies.

10. You make better decisions.

Self-doubt is the enemy of choices. It can cause you to listen to the wrong people and make choices that can harm you. Why? Because toxic people will try to sabotage you. And if you listen to them, they win.

With confidence, on the other hand, you don’t doubt yourself. Therefore, you make better decisions. Moreover, you don’t allow others to tell you what you should do.

You take advice, yes. However, you value only the advice of those you love and trust the most. Why? Because you know that these are the people who want what’s best for you. They are the people who are in your cheering section.

Therefore, you allow them to mold and mentor you. As a result, you are likely to make the right decisions.

11. Confidence gives you freedom.

Confidence gives you unlimited freedom. But without it, you are no more than a slave. Without it, you will let others tell you what you can and cannot do. Why? Because you don’t trust yourself to make the right choices.

Therefore, you depend on others to decide for you. That’s not freedom. Confidence gives you the freedom to make your own choices. Moreover, it gives you the assurance that you will make the right decisions.

You might screw up from time to time. However, you will beat yourself up over it. Instead, you will see it as a lesson learned. You will know what not to do next time.

Therefore, you will lead a happier, more fulfilling life.

In Closing

Confidence is the foundation of a happy and productive life. When you are confident in yourself, you’re confident in every aspect of your life – your abilities, your relationships, and your value.

Never let bullies take away that most precious commodity. Why? Because if you lose confidence, you lose everything.

This post was all about confidence and why it’s important so that you can take steps to build and maintain it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. “You Ain’t Shit!” – 5 Reasons Why Bullies Tell You This

2. Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

3. Confident Person Example: Who Are the Most Confident People?

4. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

5. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

what can you learn from bullying reddit

What Can You Learn from Bullying? 17 Powerful Takeaways

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What can you learn from bullying? There are several things it will teach you, and you can find those life-lessons right here. However, you may not recognize the lessons until after the bullying ends and you become a survivor.

what can you learn from bullying

Bullying hurts, don’t get me wrong. It can be traumatic for many victims. However, there are takeaways you can get from it if you look for them.

In this post, you will learn the answers to the sometimes-asked question, “What can you learn from bullying?”

Once you learn about all these takeaways, you can feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you will be proud of yourself because you survived! More importantly, you overcame.

What can you learn from bullying? This post will give you all the answers.

What Can You Learn from Bullying?

Bullying sucks! I will be the first to agree with you. In fact, that’s the understatement of the century. Bullying is horrible.

However, as Katy Perry sang, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

You would be amazed at what you can learn from bullies. This may sound a bit strange to some. However, bullies can teach you a great deal about human nature and the evils of the world.

Yes, they can hurt you, but they can also teach you some of the most powerful life lessons. If you were ever a victim of bullying, it more than likely did the same for you.

It’s hard to look for the silver lining while bullies are bullying you. However, things change once you get away from your bullies, and the torment is over.

You regain a renewed sense of hope. Moreover, you see so much more clearly the lessons in what you had to endure.

So, what are the takeaways?

1. Bullying Teaches you how to detect bullshit.

Bullying can give you a finely tuned ability to smell bullshit from a mile away. If you’ve dealt with bullies and bullying long enough, you learn very quickly how to spot liars and fakes before you even talk to them.

And you learn it because your survival depends on it. I’m not only speaking from my own experiences. I’ve also heard the same from other survivors of bullying.

When you have experienced bullying, especially long-term, it has a way of giving you an almost psychic ability to see through people. Moreover, you can figure out their true motives and intentions.

All you have to do is carefully observe a large group. Then you can spot the fakes and troublemakers at lightning speed and with accuracy.

As for me, I don’t have to speak a word to anyone. All I have to do is stand back and watch.

What Can You Learn from Bullying?

When It’s a matter of survival, your brain learns something quickly and to near perfection.

For example, a person who loses his sight experiences a much keener sense of hearing. It’s the same with a victim or survivor of bullying.

They quickly grow the ability to read people like newspapers. Why? Out of sheer necessity. Many survivors can read body language like an FBI agent.

They can decipher the tiniest micro-expression. In fact, they can even pick up on the vibes others put out…especially negative ones.

When a specific skill is mandatory for your survival, nature gives you no choice but to hone that skill and use it to near perfection.

I consider this sixth sense to be a gift. And, this gift came at a heavy price. However, it was worth it in the end because it made me a better judge of character.

2. Compassion for the Underdog.

When you know what it is to be a victim of bullying, it teaches you empathy and compassion for others- especially the downtrodden.

You’ll more likely reach out and protect those who are bullied because you were there once. And you can’t stand the thought of anyone else enduring such pain.

Therefore, you make a point of extending kindness. And you do it primarily to people whom others have unjustly marginalized and misjudged.

As for me, I believe in spreading the same kindness to the janitor as I would to the CEO.

3. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

Greater Appreciation for those who love you.

Because you know what it is to be mistreated and alone, you never take anyone for granted. I’m no longer a victim of bullying. However, I have an awesome family and the most positive, fun circle of friends you’d ever want to meet.

And the same will be for you. When you’ve known what it’s like to be excluded and isolated, you don’t take your familial relationships or friendships for granted.

You make a point of being loyal to all of them. And you’ll stand behind them when the chips are down.

In fact, you consider your family, blood, and non-blood, wonderful blessings to your life. And you cherish them.

4. Clarity of what you will and will not tolerate.

After you’ve been bullied, you know never to be afraid to say “no.” You learn very quickly that it is crucial to set boundaries, or others will walk all over you.

And you find that out the hard way. Moreover, you learn that sometimes, even if you do, there will be those who will challenge those boundaries.

But you know to stay firm no matter what. You might be retaliated against for it, but at least you’ll feel better later. Knowing that you stood up for yourself gives you untold confidence.

As the old saying goes, “I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.”
Finding the lessons in bullying will make you a happier person later on. It did me!

Therefore, you will stand up to bullies without guilt. Why? Because you know that it’s okay to defend yourself when someone is harming you.

5. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

Bullies can give you the dogged determination to go after what you want in life.

Bullying can teach you to go after your goals and dreams. If there’s anything you want in life, you go after it.

Therefore, you work hard for what you want because you’ve gotten enough of what you don’t want. Being bullied can give you the tenacity to reach your goals and dreams.

As a result, you will make several accomplishments.  Moreover, these accomplishments would not have been possible if you had never experienced bullying.

If you let it, bullying will only fuel your motivation to achieve more and live a happy life. Therefore, instead of holding grudges against your bullies, use them as your drive to reach heights you never thought possible!

Happiness and success are the best revenge you can ever take.

6. A passion to help OTHER victims overcome bullying.

It puts you on a mission to tell your own story and speak out against injustice. Because you know what it’s like, you strive more to help others overcome bullying and abuse.

7. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

You learn the importance of self-care.

When you’re bullied, you learn the hard way that if you don’t love yourself, no one else will either. So, you make a point of taking care of yourself and treating yourself kindly.

Moreover, you treat yourself well by allowing others to treat you well. You do so by what you tolerate, and those you let into your life.

And you reinforce that by not being afraid to walk away if someone doesn’t treat you well.

8. you realize the importance of loving yourself, and being comfortable in your own skin.

You learn the importance of putting yourself first. No matter what anyone thinks or says, you continue to be true to yourself and to be yourself.

You don’t let bullies distort your self-esteem. Moreover, you don’t allow them to tell you “it isn’t cool” if there’s something you enjoy doing.

Instead, you take care of yourself and stand up for yourself. You do what fulfills you and makes you happy, and forget the rest.

Confidence and self-love are the most important things you can have. Those two qualities will give you the determination to love yourself and pursue what you want in life.

9. A strong desire to learn about human psychology and behavior.

Even now, I read every book about human psychology and behavior I can get my hands on. Being bullied lights a fire under you.

It gives you the desire to learn about human psychology and behavior, so you never become a victim again.

10. What Can You Learn from Bullying:

The will to protect other victims of bullying.

You’ll stand up for others who are being bullied. Again, because you know what it’s like to be mistreated, you wouldn’t want to see anyone else endure what you have.

Therefore, you take every opportunity to be someone’s hero and friend for life. This is one of the greatest lessons bullying can teach you.

11. To live life on your terms.

If nothing else, know this! You do not need anyone else’s permission to live your life the way you want. From the way you dress to the decisions you make, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else, you can do as you please.

No one has the right to tell you what your lifestyle should be, how you dress, or when you speak. Therefore, you must exercise your autonomy daily to overcome bullying.

Your life is yours. Live it the way you choose.

12. It makes you selective of who you allow in your life.

Being selective means avoiding people who bring you drama. And if you look closely, you will know which people to avoid.

For instance, if you see people gossiping about someone, they will eventually talk about you. You know this. Therefore, you don’t need or want these kinds in your life.

Therefore, you will have the courage to get rid of toxic people without guilt or apology. You also forgive, but you do so without being foolish.

13. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

That everyone, even bullies, HAS problems.

You quickly learn that bullies always put on a front of having a perfect life. They use arrogance and cockiness to mask their feelings of inferiority.

I say this from experience because many of my bullies had alcoholic fathers. Many had drug-addicted mothers. Others had fathers who cheated on or beat their mothers.

Many of my classmates were being raised by single mothers who had a different man in their beds every night. Others had parents who neglected them and older siblings who abused them.

Several had a parent dealing drugs or one who was in and out of jail. Also, many had been sexually abused.

So, it was no wonder most of my classmates were so full of piss and vinegar?

14. To grow a thick skin.

Have you ever noticed how redundant bullies are? And have you noticed how they repeat the same worn-out insults?

It’s true that the crap they talk can hurt and hurt badly. However, bullies can repeat the same rubbish for so long that eventually, it loses its meaning.

And when something loses its meaning, it also loses its effectiveness. You get to a point where you don’t care what they call you anymore. Then, the taunts get boring, and your bullies become one big yawn.

15. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

The evils humans are capable of.

People can be the cruelest of all living things. Not everyone is inherently good. Being bullied teaches you to be on the lookout for those who secretly wish to harm your loved ones or you.

You learn to watch for enemies disguised as friends. Moreover, it teaches you to pay close attention to body language, expressions, and microflashes.

When you are the victim of bullying, you see the darkest side of humanity possible if you’re unlucky enough. You see things that those who aren’t targets would never see. And they will be things you won’t forget.

My classmates showed me the darkest and ugliest sides of human nature.

16. It teaches you the kind of person you never want to be.

You will watch bullies act arrogantly. You will also see them being loud and obnoxious. As a result, it will be a huge turn-off to you, and you will be glad you aren’t them.

It may not seem this way now. But it will later. I guarantee it!

17. What Can You Learn from Bullying?

That you are responsible for your own safety.

I learned early on that I was the only person responsible for my own safety, success, and future happiness, no one else! And I had to be willing to do whatever it took to bootstrap my way back up.

And it was the same with my other siblings. There were no freebies nor piggyback rides. The school didn’t help me. No one was coming to rescue me. So, I had to learn to stand up for myself.

Realize that no one is coming to rescue you. When bullies come after you, it’s up to you to defend yourself.

In closing, here is a quick summary of what bullying can teach you.

Life Lessons from Bullying:

Quick Summary

  • How to detect bullshit
  • Compassion for the underdog
  • Greater appreciation of the people who love you
  • Clarity of what you will and will not tolerate
  • Dogged determination to go after what you want in life
  • A passion to help other victims overcome bullying
  • A strong desire to learn about human psychology and behavior
  • The will to protect other victims of bullying
  • The courage to get rid of toxic people and live life on your terms
  • It makes you selective of who you allow in your life
  • That everyone, even bullies, has problems
  • To grow a thick skin
  • The evils humans are capable of
  • The kind of person you don’t want to be
  • That you are responsible for your own safety

Being the object of bullies is never fun. But if you look for the lessons in it, it can teach you so much. It gives you so many lessons about the messed-up world we live in.

Moreover, it teaches you about the dark side of human nature. And you learn to keep the faith and believe in yourself. You learn to love yourself and appreciate the people who love you.

You also gain the willingness to stand up for the people who aren’t able to defend themselves.
Know that you have the power to turn the abuse you suffer around for good. That’s what adult survivors of bullying do.

You can also turn the negatives into positives. Your pain today can become your power tomorrow! I guarantee it! Here are several other life lessons you can learn HERE.

What can you learn from bullying? This post gave you the answers so that you can look for the lessons and, most of all, feel better about yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Survivors of Bullying: How It Feels to Overcome 

2. Life Lessons from Bullying: 16 Powerful Takeaways to Remember

3. Adult Survivors of School Bullying: 19 Things They Do Differently

4. The Importance of Forgiveness

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

bullying techniques psychology

Bullying Techniques: 5 Top Sneakiest Tactics

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‘Want to know the cleverest bullying techniques seasoned bullies use? Here are the top sneakiest tactics you need to be aware of.

bullying techniques

Let’s face it, most bullies are masters at what they do. They know better than to mistreat you directly. Instead, they use subtle tactics to get you. This is why they mostly go undetected and get away with their attacks.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the sneakiest bullying techniques bullies use to fly under the radar.

Once you learn about these covert assaults, you will be better able to recognize them and call them out when you see them.

This post is all about the sneakiest bullying techniques, so you can recognize them and better defend yourself against them.

Bullying Techniques

So, let’s dive right in. What are the covert tactics that you need to be aware of? Here is a list of them below.

1. ordering you around.

Many bullies constantly boss you around. But understand what this is. It’s a power game. They order you around to exert power over you and feel superior.

They may tell you to sit down, shut up. I speak from experience because my classmates did the same to me every day. But again, you must see the goals and intentions behind these orders.

The reason they tell you to sit down or shut up is to take power over you. Moreover, they want to feel superior by making you small. They also want to undermine your confidence.

Therefore, you should never give in to their demands, no matter what. Never follow their unwarranted orders. I know, I’m one to speak because many times, years ago, I caved in.

However, knowing what I know now, I’d take a beating before I’d give in to them. Why? Because I realize that I’d more than likely take a beating anyway.

2. Bullying Techniques:

Empty promises, false incentives, and veiled threats.

Bullies may sweet-talk you into doing things you don’t want to do. To sweeten the deal, they may give you empty promises and false incentives.

Then, when you give them what they want, they don’t honor their promises. As a result, they only laugh and go back to treating you like dirt. Moreover, you feel like a total idiot for believing them.

Or, bullies may threaten you with even more abuse if you don’t do what they want. They may threaten to exclude you. Or they may tell you that the abuse will only get worse. However, here’s something to think about:

You can’t lose something you never had. Your bullies already hate you, and they already want to hurt you. So, you can’t lose any points with them because you never had them in the first place.

Therefore, you must refuse to give them what they want, no matter how they react.

3. Bullying Techniques:

Tattling on You.

This is one of the most evil techniques. Bullies, especially school bullies, are notorious tattletales.

They often tattle for even the tiniest of infractions. And, if they cannot find anything to tell, they will make something up. Furthermore, they will ensure it’s believable.

These kinds of people work as little Gestapos. Your bullies will watch you closely. They’ll wait with bated breath for you to do or say something- anything that is against the rules.

Then, they’ll run and tattle to a teacher, principal, supervisor, or manager. Here are the reasons they use this technique.

  • To gain the moral high ground.
  • To feel superior.
  • They feel entitled.
  • To impress those in authority.
  • To ruin your reputation with those in authority.
  • They want to set you up for future bullying.
  • To silence you.
  • To take attention away from their own bad behavior.

A deeper explanation of these kinds of bullying techniques

Bullies feel entitled to see that everyone is good little peasants, following the rules down to the letter! Or, at least, that’s what they want those in authority to think.

However, the reality is that everyone is free to do as they wish, everyone, except you. They only tattle on you. Why? To keep you from being able to defend yourself or report any bullying in the future.

Think about it. All your bullies must do is smear your name to any member of staff and you’re marred for good. They can then clear the path to bully you in the future without fear of being reported.

After all, who’s going to take the word of a troublemaker?

If enough people tattle on you, those in positions of power are more likely to believe them. Why? Because, “if you aren’t guilty of whatever they accuse you of, then why are so many pointing the finger at you?” Right?

Bullying Techniques:

Think of this as a game of chess.

By tattling, these bullies are setting up a system that will discredit you. In that case, they’ll leave you powerless to stop the bullying or escape it.

Tattling is also a way to silence you. Think about it. If you know that no one will believe you anyway, you’ll find it easier just to keep your mouth shut.

Bullies are master chess players. Therefore, this is how they set the stage beforehand to make you powerless. Why? Because once you’re completely powerless, they won’t need to hide it. They can bully you openly and in plain sight.

And who’s going to stop them? After all, you’re a troublemaker, a riffraff! And they aren’t bullying you; they’re only reacting to something you must have done to them. Right?

In other words, you’re bad, so you deserve it.

And the tattlers? They’re only “good kids” who want to learn in a clean environment. And the staff can’t be everywhere at once.

The tattle-tales serve as extra pairs of eyes that help the staff do their jobs. Therefore, they’re the little helpers.

So, let’s give them a cookie for their efforts to make our jobs a little easier!

These Bullying Techniques are planned ahead of time.

Tattling is a tactic that can eventually block you from any help you’d otherwise receive. Afterwards, the bullies will boast about how they succeeded in ruining your life.

Moreover, bullies use tattling as a veneer to hide their own bad behavior and project it onto you. If they can slither their way into the good graces of those in power while demonizing you, their plot will work perfectly. Then, the bullies are virtually untouchable.

I cannot stress enough the importance of being prepared for this type of thing. And the more you prepare, the better you’ll be able to counter this slick tactic and protect yourself.

3. Imposing Standards, then moving the goalposts.

Understand that bullies will always judge you, and they will do it by default. In other words, they’ll judge you without provocation.

You won’t need to do anything wrong because they will dissect everything until they find something. Moreover, your mere presence will provoke their attacks.

But, realize this. They hurl personal attacks strictly to control you. That’s right. Realize that bullies want to make you think, feel, and act the way they want you to. Nothing more.

Moreover, those judgements, insults, and personal attacks come from a place of entitlement.

Therefore, you must realize that your bullies won’t accept you, no matter what you do. And any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.

Bullying Techniques:

It’s all About power!

How many attempts are you willing to make to satisfy these bullies before you become exhausted? How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming does no good?

You’ll only end up disheartened in the end. Because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. And stop sacrificing your happiness because these creeps aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

When you don’t stand up for yourself, others will lose respect for you. The amount of crap you put up with only determines how others treat you.

In other words, you teach others how to treat you by what you put up with. And when you conform to others’ standards, you only discard your own.

4. Giving Unsolicited Advice.

This technique is used to disguise bullying as being helpful. Bullies are good at giving unsolicited advice. However, they despise it when the shoe is on the other foot.

They try to advise you on how think, act, or feel under any circumstances. What bullies are best at is telling you how you should react to the very abuse they inflict.

These morons have a lot of nerve, don’t they? However, I want you to understand why bullies do this.

They do it to give their audience the impression that they are more intelligent than you. Bullies don’t give free advice to help you. They do it to help themselves.

Bullying Techniques:

You Don’t Need their Cheap Two Cents.

You counter this by realizing that the weight a person’s opinion carries depends on who they are. Put another way, the people who are the closest to you are those whose opinions have value.

These are the people who love and care for you the most- your parents, grandparents, your spouse, your dearest family and friends.

In contrast, the opinions of any bullies, fake friends, or anyone who uses and abuses you should carry the least weight. We should never value the opinions or judgments of bullies. Ever!

Never Give Value to Anything that Has None.

Opinions are like elbows, and everyone has one. But the value of an opinion must always be determined by where it comes from and the relationship you have.

Therefore, stop giving undue value to the opinions of those who aren’t worth your consideration. Discard any unsolicited advice from anyone who hasn’t earned your respect. When you do, you keep your power and your dignity.

For more information about opinions, see this post.

5. Bullying Techniques:

Sowing Discord between You and Other People.

Another classic tactic of bullies is to tell you how “everyone” talks about you. They may also tell you that this person doesn’t like you or that person hates your guts.

But make no mistake. When bullies do this, they aren’t trying to warn you, and they don’t have your best interests at heart.

What they’re trying to do is break your confidence. They want to make you insecure and feel like you aren’t wanted and don’t belong.

They pull this classic divide-and-conquer move to throw you off balance. Their goals are to destabilize you and make you look like you’re suffering from paranoia.

Why? Because if your bullies can make you suspicious of those around you, then you’ll eventually lose trust in people, and your relationships will suffer.

And if your relationships suffer, so too will your performance, your ability to make good decisions, and your ability to think clearly and rationally. This is precisely what the bullies are counting on.

In closing

Bullies are slick. Therefore, they use covert techniques to trick you into believing they mean well when they really don’t. These are only some of the tactics covert bullies use.

The real number of tactics is too many to list in one blog post. However, for a broader list of covert bullying tactics, click HERE.

 This post is all about the sneakiest bullying techniques that smart bullies use so that you will recognize them when THEY HAPPEN to you and defend yourself properly.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Confidence-Building Techniques: 15 Powerful Tips You Can Use

2. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

3. Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

4. Covert Bullying Examples: 7 Must-Know Tactics Covert Bullies Use 

5. Types of Bullying: 19 Types and Categories You Need to Know 

know your worth lyrics

Know Your Worth: 4 Reasons It’s Important

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, ‘Want to know why you should know your worth? Here are all the reasons you need to know.

know your worth

Bullying is hurtful, no matter how confident you are. We’re all human, and we all have feelings and emotions. However, the effects are even more damaging when we look only outside ourselves for our value.

In fact, the damage to self-esteem is exponentially more serious. Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you must know your worth.

Once you know all about these facts, you will realize that true worth comes from within. Then you will do the inner work you need to do.

This post outlines the reasons you should know your worth and how to begin today.

Know Your Worth

Your worth must come from inside you. Why? Because when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy.

Therefore, to know your worth is the foundation of confidence and healthy self-esteem. Understand that your worth comes from within and never from without.

Here’s Why.

1. You can never control the Atmosphere around you.

There will be times when you find yourself in a toxic environment. Moreover, you will be surrounded by poisonous people. Toxic people are everywhere.

They can frequent the school you attend, the company you work for, or the home or neighborhood you live in.

When you know your value and let it come from the inside, bullying won’t have such an impact on you. It will hurt, yes. But it won’t be nearly as devastating.

Additionally, you won’t suppress as much of yourself to fit in. Why? Because, deep down, you’ll already know the value you bring. And you’ll realize that the negative people around you are only trying to diminish you.

Then, you will be more determined not to let them. You will do what you must to maintain your self-worth despite their behavior.

Know Your Worth:

Sometimes it’s best to walk away from toxic people.

Also, when the crap gets too thick, you’ll know when it’s time to walk away. You’ll bail out of relationships that don’t fulfill you. Why? Because you’ll realize that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment.

Therefore, you’ll know that you’re better off leaving this cesspit and moving on to greener pastures.

Moreover,  you’ll do it without feeling guilty. You’ll do it knowing that it isn’t because you’re “chicken” or “running away from your problems” but because you deserve better.

You’ll have the courage to do what’s best for you and you won’t care if they like it or not.

2. You can never control others’ behavior and how they think of you.

This is another reason it’s never advisable to rely on others’ approval. Understand that there will always be people who don’t like you and some who even hate you.

When you depend solely on others’ approval, you become a doormat. Please, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, don’t give anyone that kind of power!

When your value comes from within, you will have respect for yourself. You will love yourself and have strong self-esteem. Also, you will give yourself compassion and care when others take potshots at you.

And you will have the confidence and courage to protect yourself and stand up to abuse. Therefore, you’ll be less likely to blame yourself for their behavior.

Why? Because you will know without a shadow of a doubt that they are the ones who have the issues and not you.

Realize that everyone serves a good and higher purpose here. You may or may not know what that purpose is, but you are here for a purpose.

Find that purpose and fulfill it. And know that you have value.

3. Know Your Worth:

You’re better able to withstand bullying attacks.

When people target you for bullying, loving yourself can be very difficult. How do you know your worth when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity?

People constantly bombarding you with ugly names, cruel taunts, and attacks, even for a short time, makes life more complicated than it needs to be.

However, over time, bullying can have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem. And if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that others tell you.

Nevertheless, no matter how viciously others may behave, you must do everything possible to hold on to your worth! Even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.

Loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. Also, you must take care of YOU.

You must command respect and love from others, including toxic family members that you love dearly. And be willing to make some difficult decisions to earn that love and respect.

Again, sometimes, you have to walk away. And you must do it, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth.

And this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

Know Your Worth:

self-love sometimes means making difficult, even heartbreaking decisions.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes. They may eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible.

It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

However, if it does not happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them. You did it because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect you know you deserve.

Again, you must love yourself, or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

the movie “good will hunting” can teach you a valuable lesson about worth.

When I watched the movie “Good Will Hunting” for the first time almost thirty years ago, the character Will Hunting reminded me of myself in high school. He was bullied, angry, lashing out at people, and would fight at the drop of a hat if someone stepped on his toes.

I wasn’t a genius like he was. But still, there’s a moral to the movie.

Will, although highly intelligent and talented, had been conditioned to think he was worth less than he was. Therefore, he worked as a college janitor at the beginning of the movie.

With his smarts, Will could have any job he wanted. Only, he didn’t know it.

Because Will had a difficult start in life, he had lost sight of his self-worth. The character, Will Hunting, learned the hard way that you must know your worth to be happy and have a good life.

Therefore, know that you have value and that you matter. And if you’re blind to that, you’ll never be successful at anything.

4. If you don’t know your worth, you won’t reach your potential.

You’ll end up settling for less than you deserve. As a result, you’ll sell yourself out in every area of life.

For example, you’ll settle for crummy, dead-end jobs that pay a pittance. Also, you’ll accept dates and partners you aren’t even remotely interested in. And you’ll latch onto fake friends who treat you shoddily.

One thing Will did have is great friends who had his back. Those guys would’ve laid down their lives for him.  So, I can say that Will chose his buddies wisely.

But in every other area of life, he sold himself short. And his best friend finally told him that, in so many words, toward the end of the movie.

As the old saying goes, “If you settle for less, you get even less than what you settled for.”

I hate to admit that I did the same when I was young. And I got even worse than what I settled for. And why did I do that?

It was all because others had programmed me to believe that mere crumbs were the best I could do. And let me tell you, it royally sucked!

That’s what happens if you don’t know your worth.

Fortunately, I eventually worked my way out of that mindset. I now live a better and happier life.

It wasn’t easy, but it got better once I began drumming into my own head that there was more out there for me and that I deserved a good life as much as anyone else.

Will Hunting also got the message at the end of the movie. He eventually recognized his value and found the courage to pursue the life he wanted.

In closing:

Your worth is not conditional. And it is not up for debate. So, isn’t it time you started getting more of what you want and deserve out of life?

Make the decision today to know your worth. Begin aiming higher! Apply for that 90K per year job you may or may not qualify for.

Go ask out the girl whom you initially thought was out of your league. Command respect and love from others and return the same to them.

Aim higher than you ever have, and watch your life change for the better. You will be amazed at the rewards!

This post is all about the importance of knowing your worth so that you can begin taking steps to empower yourself and better your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1.  A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

2. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by

3. Loving Yourself First: 7 Amazing Benefits of Treating Yourself Well

4. Walking Away from Fake Friends

5. Standing Against Bullying: 3 Reasons It’s Worth the Risk

resilience quotes

Resilience: 16 Ways to Stand Tall When You Suffer Bullying

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‘What is resilience? Here’s what it is and how it helps you overcome bullying.

resilience

Resilience is essential for overcoming bullying. In fact, it’s how you defeat any adversity. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about it so that you can overcome anything that tries to bring you down.

Once you learn these critical life lessons, you will be able to overcome any challenges you face.

This post is about resilience, to assure you that you still have some control over your circumstances.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity quickly. You may bend, but you don’t break. So, how do you stay resilient?

Here are all the ways to do it.

1. By Knowing Yourself

When you know yourself inside and out, you know, without a doubt, the definition of who you are. In other words, you won’t allow bullies and abusers to define you.

Instead, you only accept your own definition of yourself. And you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you can recognize abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it. Moreover, your self-esteem won’t take such a massive hit.

Knowing yourself is freedom!

2. Know what you want, and what you will and will not tolerate.

Refuse to accept what you won’t tolerate. Focus on your wants and needs and work hard to achieve them. This means working on yourself. Moreover, it means working toward your goals and your aspirations.

This is of the utmost importance. Why? Because when you’re too busy working on yourself, you won’t pay attention to your bullies. You’ll care less about anyone’s opinions other than your own.

3. Resilience:

trust yourself to make the right decisions.

Here’s a little nugget you should know: your first instinct is usually the correct one.

For instance, any time you have bullies shaming and ridiculing you, your first instinct is to get away from them. However, when they see you’re leaving, they may mock you.

They may say, “Are you scared? Is that why you’re leaving? Don’t be a wuss. Stand up and face us.” They may even tell you, “You’d better run!”

You’re not afraid to put your hand up and walk away when toxic people accost you. Why? Because you don’t have time for foolishness and drama.

Sure. The taunts might sting a little, but they won’t crush your spirit.

4. Practice speaking out and showing your emotions.

Resilience means that you won’t feel the need to hold back emotions. You’ll be able to recognize them better and allow yourself to feel them. In some situations, it may be okay to express them.

Don’t let others tell you how you should feel. Never allow bullies to shame you into suppressing yourself.

You wouldn’t want to break down crying in front of everyone at school because a bully called you a name. Instead, you’d show annoyance and tell the bully to get stuffed.

Also, you wouldn’t cry publicly at work because the boss chewed you out or your project fell flat. You’d just stick out your chest and try to do better the next time.

However, you would cry at the funeral of a loved one. In fact, during those times, it’s perfectly acceptable to cry.

5. Resilience:

be yourself.

Know that you don’t have to put on a big front and try to act like someone you’re not. There’s no need to try to fit in with anyone. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

When you’re willing to be yourself, you know your worth. You accept that you are valuable, regardless of what people say or where you are in life.

Those who aren’t authentic will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who are insecure about themselves will accept others’ definitions of them without realizing it.

They build fake identities based on others’ expectations and ideas of who they should be. But not you. You are true to who you are.

You would rather be original because you understand that originals are like famous paintings and artwork. They’re much more valuable than copies. Therefore, you refuse to be a cheap knock-off!

6. Refuse to blame yourself for others’ behavior.

Realize that other people’s behavior is no reflection on you. It only speaks volumes about their own lack of morals, decency, and character.

Know that what your bullies do to you is wrong. Now, this inner realization may or may not stop them from attacking you. In fact, it may make the abuse worse.

However, instead of hating and blaming yourself, know in your heart that they are the bad ones. Realize that they’re only projecting their own shortcomings onto you. A bully’s accusation is usually a confession.

7. Resilience:

trust your gut.

Listen to what your gut tells you. Pay close attention to the vibes you’re getting from the people around you. The energy people put out never lies.

This is how you maintain your inner strength and sense of self. It takes listening to your instincts when they signal that you should be cautious around certain people.

And don’t be ashamed of it. Instead, pay close attention to how your body reacts when you’re around certain people. You may not be able to pinpoint it. And you may not know why you’re having these yucky bodily sensations.

However, you must still pay attention to what you’re feeling.

  • Does your body automatically tense up?
  • Do you have that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach?
  • Does something feel off about the person or people you’re with?

If so, know that any one of these symptoms is your cue to get away from these people… and fast!

8. Resilience:

Be Confident.

When you’re being bullied by everyone, holding onto your confidence can be challenging. And that’s putting it mildly. Moreover, after being bullied, it can sometimes take years to regain the confidence you lost.

However, there are steps you can take to buffer your confidence and mitigate the impact of their attacks. Here’s a shortlist of ways to build your confidence.

  • Watch and listen.
  • Know that you aren’t the only one these creeps have bullied.
  • Befriend others your bullies have bullied.
  • Collect info on your bullies.
  • Keep company only with those who love you and want the best for you.
  • Show off your talents and gifts.
  • Do the things you enjoy.
  • Be there for others who are suffering.
  • Look your best.
  • Make positive affirmations.
  • Find someone to talk to about what you’re going through.
  • Never internalize any labels others stick to you.
  • Stop caring about others’ opinions.
  • Don’t be silent. Speak out!

If your confidence wanes, so does your performance, social abilities, and everything else! Therefore, guard it with your life. Why? Because your life truly does depend on it!

9. If you have a negative mindset, work to change it.

If people bully you at school or at work, you’re more likely to feel insecure. Moreover, you’ll have a horribly negative outlook. Therefore, it will require significant reprogramming to change.

Also, it will be the hardest thing you have ever done. It is easy to change certain things about yourself. However, changing ingrained thought patterns is one of the most challenging tasks. And it won’t happen overnight.

Negative thought patterns can take years to change completely.

However, once you start, you will gradually notice a positive difference in your outlook. Additionally, your circumstances will improve.

10. Resilience:

Turn Every negative thought into a positive thought.

For instance, you have a test or an interview coming up, and you ask yourself, “What if I fail?” or “What if I don’t make it?”

Immediately catch yourself. Then, turn that thought into a positive one by asking yourself, “What if I pass?” “What if I succeed?” or “What if I do make it?”

Or, if you find yourself thinking, “What if things go wrong?” Immediately turn it around and ask, “What if things go right?”

Also, if you catch yourself thinking that you’re a loser. Tell yourself, “No. I’m a winner.”

And talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Instead of putting yourself down, begin building yourself up. Encourage yourself to keep going when things get tough. Give yourself the love you would give to your family and best friends.

Continue doing this until thinking positively becomes like second nature!

11. Maximize your chance-opportunities.

If you’re talented in writing and you find a writing contest, enter the contest. In other words, instead of letting this opportunity pass you by because you’re too afraid that you’ll lose, face your fears and enter the contest anyway.

And you never can tell. You might win that contest! The point I’m making here is to try! Because if you don’t try, you don’t know. Put another way, if you try, you at least have a good chance of winning. However, if you don’t, there’s no chance of it.

Therefore, taking risks is crucial to achieving positive change in your life.

12. Resilience:

Get out of your comfort zone.

This brings us back to what we mentioned in the last section, taking risks. Resilient people take risks. And because they take risks, they score many successes.

This isn’t to say you’ll succeed every time; you won’t. Even resilient people fail sometimes. However, they don’t let failure stop them.

They do not give up. Instead, they move on to the next opportunity and keep trying until they succeed.

Remember the line in Rocky Balboa, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit. It’s about how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.”

In other words, the resilient get hit all the time, but they keep going. They continue to take risks and don’t stop until they reach their target. And that’s how they win! So, don’t be afraid to take risks!

13. Set goals and work hard to achieve them.

Set goals and go after them. Work hard and don’t quit until you achieve those goals. Moreover, never let bullies and jealous people discourage you.

Why? Because if word gets out that you’re working on a goal, there will be those who will do everything possible to discourage you. And this goes especially if you suffer from bullying. Therefore, keep striving and don’t stop until you reach the finish line.

14. Resilience:

Befriend others your bullies have bullied.

You and they have something in common. Therefore, this should be a piece of cake! Align yourself with these other victims.

And be there for them when they need you. In fact, be there for those who are suffering. Why? Because if you’re there for them, then it’s likely that they will be there for you, too.

Understand that strength comes in numbers, and human predators prefer loners.  If you band together with other victims, they will think twice before accosting you. But most of all, it will enhance your resilience.

15. Keep company only with those who uplift you.

A true friend uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. They encourage you, have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer you on when you succeed.

All too often, victims latch on to fake friends – frenemies who only tolerate them. These frenemies will subtly humiliate you in public. Then they throw you under the bus when you’re in trouble.

Resilience wanes sometimes. Therefore, to stay resilient, you must feed your confidence by surrounding yourself with only those who encourage you.

Resilience:

16. Make affirmations every day.

This is as easy as looking in the mirror each morning and making “I am” statements to yourself. For example, you can say,

  • “I AM beautiful.”
  • “I AM smart.”
  • “I AM better than what they say.”
  • “I AM a good person.”
  • “I AM worthy of love and friendship.”
  • “I deserve respect and dignity.”

There are many affirmations you can choose to tell yourself. This may be awkward at first. However, the longer you practice this technique, the more natural it will feel.

And, most importantly, the better you will feel about yourself. This produces resilience.

In closing

Resilience can determine the entire trajectory of your life. It determines your successes and failures because you need it to avoid giving up when times get tough.

Therefore, it’s crucial to remain resilient when you experience bullying. Thinking positively also helps. Remember that bullies want you to give up. They want you to quit.

Don’t give them what they want. Be someone they find hard to bring down.

This post was all about resilience and how important it is to have it when you suffer from bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Easy Ways

bullying explained for kids

Bullying Explained: 5 Reasons it’s Not About You

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Here is bullying explained. Bullying is nuanced. Therefore, the mechanics are complex for most people to understand. Here are a few fun facts you need to know.

bullying explained

 

 

 

Bullying is very complicated and nuanced. It’s why it can be confusing to know how to address it. Therefore, this post is bullying explained in the simplest terms. It is written to address any confusion you may have.

Once you understand it, you will be able to recognize it for what it is and address it appropriately.

This post is bullying explained so that you can better understand it and feel more confident knowing it isn’t about you.

Bullying Explained

To explain bullying. We must understand all the universal facts about it so we can address it more effectively. So, what are the universal facts about bullying?

1. Bullying is patterned and predictable

This is great news for targets, and here’s why.

Because it’s proof that it really isn’t about you at all, you see? The tactics used have been weaponized against millions of others throughout history.

Additionally, once you identify the pattern, it becomes harder for others to bully you. You can also predict, with high accuracy, what your bullies will do next in almost any scenario.

For example, you instinctively know that reporting bullying may escalate it. You’ll also be able to recognize when it becomes a pattern.

As a result, you’ll begin saving any evidence of it. You will save incendiary emails, messages, and texts. Also, you’ll take screenshots of bullies’ comments on social media and begin documenting incidents in detail.

You will quietly gather your evidence and ensure you save everything. Then, you will make multiple copies on multiple flash drives and store each copy in a different location.

Depending on the laws in your area, you may be able to begin wearing discreet body cameras. Or you’ll keep a digital audio recorder to document bullying incidents and make copies of those recordings.

Bullying Explained:

When you know what’s next, you may be about to block an attack before it happens.

You’ll be able to stay one step ahead of your bullies by taking pictures of all completed work. You will make copies of important papers and receipts to keep in your CYA file at work or school.

You can even make copies of your homework. And you’ll do it in case your bullies steal it to sabotage you and get you in trouble with teachers.

Again, bullying behavior and tactics are patterned and predictable. And the reason they are so is that they are both universal and timeless.

Therefore, their behavior and tactics are nothing new. It’s the same worn-out crap that has been used since the beginning of time. And the reason we haven’t wised up to it is that we’ve ignored it.

A problem ignored is a problem that goes unsolved.

When you ignore or overlook something, you don’t pay attention to it. Therefore,  you aren’t observant of it. Unfortunately, you’ll miss key tactics and behaviors you need to protect yourself.

To observe a pattern of bullying, you must watch bullies closely without appearing to do so. Sadly, many haven’t considered it important enough.

And the reason they haven’t taken it seriously is that, for centuries, they considered it a regular part of human behavior.

Moreover, society assumed that it happened to everyone and that it built character. Yes, bullying is a dark part of human behavior, but so is murder. Yet we don’t overlook murder.

The best way to address it is to not only build victims’ confidence. We must also teach them to recognize when standard teasing morphs into bullying.

We must also teach them how to quietly expose it and call it out when it happens to them.

2. Bullying explained:

It’s not about you, it’s about the bully.

Anytime you are the object of a bully’s hostility, it really isn’t about you. It’s about them. Here are things bullies tell their targets and the real meaning behind them.

You’re fat! You’re ugly! Or You’re weird, nerdy, etc.

What is the meaning behind it? It depends on the circumstances. If the target is heavier, the bully is only pointing it out to make themselves feel better.

What the bully is really saying is, “I have flaws that I’m afraid are worse and more noticeable than yours. So, I’m going to point out your flaws to distract everyone’s attention from my own.”

“You snitched on me! Now You’re Going to Pay!”

Here’s what the bully is actually saying.

“You exposed me and got me into trouble! You made me look like the bully that I really am! And you outed my true personality and humiliated me! So, I’m going to get back at you for it!”

Bullying explained:

“You think you’re so smart, cute, cool, pretty,” etc.

Here’s the meaning behind it.

“Your good qualities overshadow mine! I’m living in your shadow! Your talents and natural gifts are better than mine, and you’re getting more attention than I am! You make me feel inferior! So I’m going to put you in your place by crushing your self-worth! I’m going to convince you that you’re not that important! And I’ll make you too afraid to show your good qualities! Then I can shine!”

“You make me want to…”

Anytime someone mistreats you and says that you make them do it, they’re only telling you,

“ I’m afraid of being unmasked and being held responsible for my horrid behavior. So I’ve got to blame you so I can be let off the hook and leave you holding the bag! If I can make you look like the bully, I can keep on screwing with you anytime I want. Why? Because no one will believe you if you snitch on me again!”

“Nobody Likes You!”

What the bully is really saying:

“Nobody likes me either. They only pretend to. So I’m going to make you think nobody wants you to crush your confidence! Then hopefully, you’ll withdraw from people and self-sabotage your own relationships!”

“Bullying Explained:

I don’t like you!” or “I hate you!”

Here’s what the bully is really saying:

“You make me feel inferior! You intimidate me! And you outshine me in some way! You have what I want and can never have! So, I’m going to hoodwink you into believing you did something to cause me to hate you. And, hopefully, I’ll ruin your self-esteem!”

Bullies have big egos. It always goes back to them. They’re all about “Me,” “Myself,” and “I.”

3. You aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last.

To fulfill their quest for power and to dull their insecurities. Those who are best at getting away with it didn’t get that way overnight. No.

They learned through trial and error. They’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t. And every time they screwed up and got caught, they never learned their lesson. They only got sneakier and learned what not to do with their next victim.

Therefore, with each new victim, they got a little sneakier. In that, they get a little better at covering their behinds. They get smarter until they finally become undetectable to anyone outside the power dynamic.</p>

Bullying Explained:

This is how they became experts!

Understand that these bullies have left a long trail of ruined lives behind them. Moreover, they’ve left many broken or angry people in their wake. Only they’ll never tell you about that.

That said, there were many before you, and there will be many more after you. You aren’t alone, and you’re not the only one they’ve bullied.

I’ve said it once, and it bears repeating: If possible, you must find out who their past victims are. Then you need to build relationships with and align yourself with them. You would be surprised by what you find.

You may gain valuable insights into their lives. What you discover about them can be used as a powerful weapon! Always remember that!

4. Bullying is designed to make the bully look cool.

Know that it isn’t about you. It’s never about the victim. It’s always about the bully. Bullies bully to make themselves look big and tough.

You see, if they can look cool by being cruel. They’ll do it. Bullies have an image to maintain.

5. BULLYING is a zero-sum game.

For some, it is a means to climb the social ladder. But for them to rise, you must fall.</p>

The bullies have all the power, and you have none. Bullies believe that for them to attain happiness, you mustn’t have it. For them to have joy, you must suffer. It’s an unhealthy balance not only for you but also for them.

In Conclusion

Know that your true power resides within you. It’s something nobody can take away from you unless you allow them to.

And your power comes from recognizing that their behavior isn’t about you. Also, it comes from finally realizing you don’t have to tolerate toxic people.

Tap into that power, and you’ll be able to tip the scales and restore balance to power. Even better, you’ll find peace and confidence you never thought possible.

This post was bullying explained so that you won’t blame yourself. Instead, you’ll put the blame where it belongs and take back your power and YOUR life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying: What Is It? And What are the 10 Types of It?

2.  Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or just an Asshole?

3. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

signs of a catty woman at work

Signs of a Catty Woman: 13 Characteristics of Female Bullies

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A catty woman is just another name for an adult female bully. ‘Want to know the signs of a catty woman? Here are all the tell-tale indicators that you need to know about.

signs of a catty woman

A catty woman can sometimes be very seductive. It is that seductiveness that lures unsuspecting people into relationships and friendships with her.

In this post, you will learn all the signs of a catty woman so that you can better protect yourself against her.

Once you learn these indicators, you will be able to spot her. Then, you will be able to avoid her like the plague.

This post will give you all the signs of a catty woman so that you can spot her and avoid her to protect yourself from female bullying.

Signs of a Catty Woman

Females aren’t as open with their evil as males. A catty woman is seductive and sneaky. She bullies on the down low, which is why she’s hard to detect. Luckily for you, there are signs you can look out for if you know what to look for.

So, without further ado, here are all the traits you need to watch for.

1. Dirty Looks

These kinds of women and girls will smile in your face. They will pour on the insincere compliments. Then, as you turn your back, you may notice those split-second micro-flashes of hate when she thinks you aren’t looking.

Moreover, you will see these things out of the corner of your eye. However, this happens so quickly that it’s easy to overlook. When you see this, you may wonder, “Did I see her give me a dirty look, or am I imagining things?”

Um, no, sweetie, you aren’t imagining things. Chances are that she did. Therefore, don’t ignore this.

You don’t necessarily need to confront her on it right away because she will convincingly spin it against you. However, do be aware. Keep your distance quietly, and that should be enough to protect yourself.

2. Signs of a Catty Woman:

Passive-aggressive Behavior

Catty women are often very passive-aggressive. Examples of passive-aggression include the silent treatment. Also, if you throw a party and give her the starting time, she may intentionally show up late.

Being bullied by someone who is passive-aggressive is the most demeaning and humiliating experience. When these types of women insult you, they’re slick about it.

They catch you off guard. They taunt you in such a way that you may have difficulty figuring out who it’s aimed at. Sometimes, you don’t even know it’s directed at you. That is, until it’s way too late for you to deliver a good comeback.

Why? Because the bully may not necessarily address it to you. Instead, they’ll tell it to everyone else around you… right in front of you. 

However, they’ll do it in a way that leaves you in doubt. You will question yourself.

  • “Am I hearing this correctly?”
  • “Is this creep talking to me without saying it directly to me?

You don’t want to look foolish if someone is talking about someone else rather than you. However, your gut is nagging the hell out of you.

And while you may not be sure, you can bet that bystanders and witnesses nearby immediately know who the covert nastiness is meant for. It’s funny how we tend to see so much clearly from the outside.

What you just experienced is called a sneak-diss.

sneak-dissing.

 Sneak dissing is a form of attack where a passive-aggressive bully talks about someone without mentioning their name.

What’s so terrible about sneak dissing is that the stealthy insults are usually hurled at you in front of an audience. They can quickly fly over your head. And you end up looking weak and like a clueless idiot for not catching it in time.

And even though the bully’s words are vague and unclear, they will still nibble at your self-esteem. They will take a chunk out of your confidence whether you want them to or not.

Why? Because you usually figure it out sooner or later. It only goes to prove how vicious these covert attacks can be.

When others sneak-diss you, they do it within earshot. And they won’t call you by name, but they will talk about you. The reason female bullies do this is to avoid a direct conflict with you.

Therefore, you must see sneak-dissing for what it is. It is a coward’s way of addressing an issue.

You’ll usually know they’re talking about you. How? Your gut instinct will be nagging you like an alarm clock that won’t shut off.

3. Signs of a Catty Woman:

Badmouthing You Behind Your Back

These bitches don’t have the guts to say it to your face, but they’ll talk about you to everyone else. If nothing else, understand this. If they can’t say it directly to you, they’re cowards.

And, on a positive note, at least they still have enough respect not to say it to you openly.

Nevertheless, these kinds of women aren’t worth your time. So, you should see them for the creeps they are and avoid them.

And let them talk. Why? Because their lies and gossip say more about them than you. Besides, you must have life going pretty well for you if they can’t keep your name out of their mouths.

Moreover, you consume their every thought. So, who really has the power here?

4. Controlling Behavior

These kinds of women may bully you because they want to control your life. They may try to maintain your social life by spreading rumors to turn others against you.

Or they may insult you to undermine your confidence. If they’re trying to control your self-esteem, you must do whatever it takes to hold on to your self-esteem.

If they’re trying to control your relationships, know that your true friends won’t desert you. And those who turn against you were never your friends in the first place.

5. Signs of a Catty Woman:

She Wants to Compete with You

Wanting to outdo you in something is a sure sign that your girl is catty as hell. These types of females wish to beat you at attracting male attention. Also, they try to compete with you for income.

This competition comes from insecurity. So, if she isn’t better than you somehow, someway, she lets it define her worth as a woman.

Therefore, don’t hate her. Pity her.

6. Shunning You

Shunning is another sign of cattiness. The reason these females exclude you is to feel like they are better than you.

Moreover, they do it to undermine your self-esteem. Shunning is covert, so you can’t confront someone for it. However, you do have the power to shun them, too. Two can play that game.

Mirror their behavior and keep them out of your life.

7. Relational Aggression

We touched on this in section four. Here, we go deeper. Relational aggression is when bullies try to control your relationships. They also try to prevent you from making new friends. And they do this by “warning” others before they’ve had a chance to get to know you.

The tactics they use to attack your relationships are spreading lies and rumors. They may also launch smear campaigns. Moreover, don’t put it past them to sow discord between you and your existing friends and loved ones.

If this happens to you, remember what I mentioned earlier. If these vicious females succeed in turning your friends against you, your friends only show you who they are.

They were never your friends to begin with. Why? Because real friends will stick with you, no matter what. In fact, they will go to bat for you. They will tell your bullies to go to hell.

8. Signs of a Catty Woman:

Sabotaging Your Work or School Work

If you are successful at your job or at school, these girls will try to sabotage you. If you’re a straight-A student, they may find your completed homework when you go to the bathroom. And they’ll throw it away shortly before the time to turn it in.

Then, when the teacher calls for it, and you can’t find it, the teacher will assume that you were too lazy to complete your homework.

If you perform exceptionally on the job, they may go through your desk. Then they’ll find important papers and take them. Therefore, they will make it harder for you to do your job.

9. Trying to Break Up Your Relationship or Marriage

Catty women will even try to destroy your personal life. They may even target your home and family life. If they try to break up your marriage, understand that it’s not that they’re in love with your husband.

No. This is about power. If the girl can destroy the most intimate parts of your life, she can take things you value most. And she can target the people you love most.

For some human predators, it isn’t enough to destroy you at work or school. The ultimate power for them is to reach into your home and do damage.

10. Signs of a Catty Woman:

Bragging on Themselves

This sign is one of the most common. Remember that catty women are insecure. They don’t like themselves very much.

Therefore, they will often brag on themselves, revealing only the best parts of their lives. They may talk up their marriages. Or, they may brag about their cushy jobs and high income.

In fact, they may even make up positive things about their lives to impress others. But understand this. If they must brag, they can’t be about much.

Why? Because confidence is quiet. And success is loud. If they are truly successful, they won’t need to brag. Their achievements will speak for themselves.

11. Jealousy

This is the number one sign of a female hater. Catty women are the biggest haters. If you have life better than them, professional or private, these women will hate on you.

They will do their best to even the score. And they may do it by badmouthing you to others to turn them against you. Or they may undermine your confidence by insults and name-calling.

Whatever tactics they use, understand that they do it to tear you down. Therefore, have nothing more to do with them. They’re bad for your mental health!

12. Signs of a Catty Woman:

Spite and Maliciousness

Toxic women are spiteful. They will often undermine you behind a veneer of concern. For example, they may say, “Wow. She seems mentally imbalanced. I hope she gets the help she needs before it’s too late. I’m really concerned about her mental well-being.”

This sounds innocent enough. Right? However, it’s the intentions behind this statement that make it so vicious. In sounding like a caring friend, this woman can softly and tenderly rip you to shreds.

At the same time, she can cover her own hatred in the eyes of others.

13. Snotty Attitude

Catty women tend to be arrogant. However, this holier-than-thou attitude is often a cover for low self-esteem.

Moreover, this behavior only repels healthy people. And, they only attract those who are toxic just like they are.  Therefore, they continue to surround themselves with negativity and wonder why they’re so unhappy.

In conclusion

Catty women are vicious, and, most of all, vindictive. They can destroy lives. These females even bully men.

Therefore, if you see any of these signs in a woman, my advice is to steer clear. You don’t want to allow these types to suck you into their drama because they will eat you alive.

The only way to protect yourself from them is to notice their behavior and distance yourself from them. Also, you must know your worth.

And if toxic women try to undermine you in any way, tell them what you think of them and walk away. Your mental health will thank you for it later.

I promise you!

This post was all about the signs of a catty woman so that you’ll be able to spot them and avoid them to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Catty Women: 5 Powerful Ways to Deal with Their Bullying

2. A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

3. Female Bullies: 7 Reasons They Bully Other Women and Girls

4.  Female-on-Male Bullying: A Catch-22 No One Talks About

5. Passive-Aggressive Bullying: 7 Hallmarks of Sneak Dissing

people-reading skills

People-Reading: 3 Reasons It Protects You from Bullying

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a ‘Want to know about people-reading and why it can protect you from bullying? Here’s everything you need to know.

people-reading

People-reading is an essential skill to ensure your safety. If you don’t have the skills to analyze others, you may not realize when someone is out to harm you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the importance of people-reading so that you can weed out those who are evil and let in others who are good for you.

Once you learn all about this vital skill, you will be able to avoid toxic people and stay safe.

This post is all about people-reading, so that you will know why it is so important.

People-Reading

In life, we must always observe the goings-on around us. That means watching those around you and, most of all, being good at people-watching.

You cannot afford to walk around blindly. It would be best to watch people for a while before connecting with them. This isn’t cowardly. It’s smart.

‘Not saying you should stare a hole through anyone. Little micro-glances and using your peripheral vision are enough. Moreover, it will tell you a lot about the kinds of personalities that surround you.

Also, listen carefully to everything and every word spoken around you. Most of all, listen to your gut instinct. Pay attention to the vibes others put out because energy never lies. Neither does your body. You always feel bad vibes in your body.

Just pay attention, period. You’ll be surprised at how quickly and easily you pick out the bullies in an environment.

4 Red Flags to Watch For

People-reading is the practice of observing how others carry themselves. Notice their facial expressions, the way they dress, their eyes, everything. Listen to their tone and how they speak. Pay attention to their posture.

Do this for about a month before attempting to get friendly, and you’ll know who to avoid. As a reminder, here are some red flags to watch out for.

Each thing you notice will give you clues as to the kinds of people who surround you. Here are red flags to look for.

1. People-Reading:

Do they gossip?

You’ll know a gossiper within five minutes when you observe one and overhear them talk. If you hear them talk about someone else, you can be sure they will talk about you, too.

Just give them time. Therefore, it’s best to avoid those who talk about others behind their backs. They don’t make good friends.

With these types, familiarity always breeds contempt. Again, stay away.

2. Are they nosey?

These creeps will ask you many questions, and they’re not shy about asking personal ones. Understand that they’re not interested in you or your life.

They’re only trying to get juicy information to spread about you later. So, don’t walk, run!

3. Are they aggressive?

Don’t have anything to do with these types, especially! Because you’re likely to get hurt if you fall on their bad side. Why even take the chance? It isn’t worth it.

4. People-Reading:

Are they clingy?

Trust me. You want nothing to do with these types, either. Why? Because they can be so annoying. Ewww! I realize that it’s what some people do when they’ve endured bullying and abuse.

And my heart goes out to them. However, you must look out for yourself and put yourself first. It’s not that you don’t want to be friends with this person. Moreover, it’s not that you mean to hurt their feelings.

But there’s a problem when a person wants to be right up under you all the time and doesn’t give you a little space to breathe.

Being observant of those around you can help you avoid dangerous people. In that, you also avoid uncomfortable situations.

Some might notice your distancing and say that you’re too quiet or antisocial. But in saying so, before they get to know you, they only reveal themselves as possible gossips and troublemakers. So, all the better for you.

Having been a victim of bullying can give you the gift of sight.

No. I don’t mean clairvoyant. You may not be able to see into the future. But you can predict others’ behavior by watching their body language.

Here’s how this works. Once you are targeted long enough, you grow wise about people. Therefore, you learn to predict the petty moves of bullies and unsavory characters.

You will know what each person will say. Survivors of bullying learn to see the actions and nonverbal cues of others.

And they can hear the words of those around them and know what’s coming next. Veteran targets and survivors of bullying develop an uncanny ability to read people.

It’s a gift they have developed within themselves over years or decades of being targeted.

People-Reading is a survival skill.

Survivors of bullying can see through the smoke screens people try to hide behind. They also excel at recognizing signs of impending danger.

Many have this talent without realizing it. And why not? They have to have it to survive.

They may not come out and say it or admit it, but some learn to read people like books. Those with a history of victimhood can feel others’ mental states, moods, and intentions. Moreover, they sense, with remarkable accuracy, the vibes others put out.

AT first, victims of bullying may doubt themselves.

At first, they may not listen to their intuitions. This will be what gets them into trouble. Because bullies have abused them, these targets often lose trust in themselves.

Additionally, they may lose confidence in their feelings and senses. And they may ignore those God-given instincts.

However, they quickly learn not to dismiss their gut feeling as paranoia. They soon begin paying attention to and heeding them. Why? Because chances are that they’re right.

When you suffer bullying, now is not the time to doubt yourself. Use your predictions to your advantage. This is how you cut off any coming attacks.

People-reading:

Victims of Bullying may also learn how to thrive socially.

They will learn social graces by watching others. This is another area where learning people-reading skills benefits you.

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. In other words, actions speak louder than words ever will.

All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer. Even worse, others will see it through your everyday body language, and you won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets attract more abuse. Why? Because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse.

The target’s body language will transform from confident to diffident, meaning a lack of confidence. This is the reason most victims of bullying have few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because others can spot insecurity a mile away. This is what makes it challenging to attract healthy people into your life.

You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? It’s human nature for healthy people to avoid those who give off signals of low self-esteem.

On the other hand, you’ll attract predators. In other words, you’ll draw people who fake a friendship to either exert control over you or to get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as avoiding eye contact, looking down, fake smiles, and closed body language, can make you appear unapproachable.

People-Reading:

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not your fault. It is just something that happens after a person has endured abuse for so long.

However, confident body language is something that you can learn. You can even teach yourself and practice confidence.

And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life. Here are powerful tricks you can use to win friends instantly.

Here’s how to use your people-reading skills to imitate those who are confident and well-liked.

When you learn to read others, you will also be able to use those skills to make yourself bully-proof. Moreover, you will use those skills to make yourself more approachable.

And you will instantly give yourself more social appeal. Learning to read others also means watching your own nonverbal cues.

1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at others shows that you approve of them and are open to friendships. It also conveys confidence, and confidence is where it’s at!

However, a fake smile is easy to spot and a major turn-off. It only repels people, or worse, invites more abuse. Fake smiles hurt more than help.

People-reading is great. However, you must also watch your own body language.

2. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you are genuinely interested in them. Moreover, it conveys respect.

Human beings love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye.

Just don’t overdo it, or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

3. People-Reading:

Stand up straight.

Confident and outgoing people always have great posture. They stand up straight and hold their shoulders back.

On the other hand, slouching and hunching convey insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose.

Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand. Keep your feet shoulder-width apart, and your hands on your hips. Your thumbs should be on the front of your waist.

These stances signal confidence. It can also keep bullies away. When a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with them.

Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power! And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power.

4. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simply, open body language means facing the person you’re talking to and keeping your whole body turned toward them.

When you do this, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

5. People-Reading:

Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space.

Make sure to do this properly, and you will build rapport with those you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

6. Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement.

Nodding is a potent form of communication and often gets excellent social results!

7. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy, and warmth.

8. People-Reading:

Relax.

If you want others to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense.

It weirds others out big time! Therefore, always relax around others. Relaxed body language conveys that you’re comfortable and confident in yourself.

In turn, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

9. Put away your phone.

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who has their face in their phone, texting. It conveys that they’re more interested in what’s on their screen and not what you have to say.

It is downright rude and disrespectful. So, lose the phone when you’re in conversation with someone. It’s just good social etiquette.

10. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone, make sure your toes are pointed toward them. If your feet are pointed away, it only suggests that you want to go elsewhere. In other words, you don’t want to be with the person.

Now, some don’t think about the feet, but those who are the most aware of nonverbal cues will. Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to.

It signals that you want to move toward them, that you’re happy to speak with them.

11. People-Reading:

Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your nonverbal communication doesn’t match, you will come off to others as insincere.

As a result, they won’t take you seriously. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cues are in line with your verbal ones.

12. Practice the art of small talk.

What is small talk? Simple! Talking about everyday topics. When you discuss the weather, which team won the Super Bowl, your favorite rock bands, or current news, this is small talk.

In other words, never talk to potential friends about anything deep. Save that for later… much later!

If you’re looking to make new friends, keep conversations light until the friendship has grown significantly.

13. People-Reading:

Establish common ground.

Friendships come much more easily with those with whom we have something in common. Find those with whom you have something in common, such as other targets of bullying.

Band with them. I guarantee that this works like a charm if you want to make friends.

When you begin practicing these techniques, they may feel weird at first. However, don’t quit. Practice good verbal and nonverbal communication every day until it becomes second nature.

Also, remember that others pay more attention to your body language than your words. So, improve them both.

Then, watch the magic unfold as people instantly become warmer and more receptive toward you. You will make terrific friends in the process.

3 Reasons People-Reading Protects you from bullies

1. You can better predict the other person’s behavior.

2. It reveals unspoken emotions, telling you more than words ever will.

3. It enhances your personal relationships and helps you to make friends.

In conclusion

Reading people’s cues is essential if you want to avoid toxic people. For more information, you can read about nonverbal bullying here. Moreover, just as you are watching them, others are also watching you.

Therefore, you must also watch your own nonverbal cues to ward off predators. People-reading is one of the most important skills you can have.

This post is all about people-reading so that you can use it to NOT ONLY WATCH OTHERS AND FIGURE OUT THEIR INTENTIONS, BUT ALSO watch your own so that you won’t attract human predators.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

2. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

4. Fake Friend: 11 Easy Ways to Spot One with Bad Intentions

5. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

6. Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical

you'll see it when you believe it meaning

You’ll See It When You Believe It

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“You’ll see it when you believe it.” What does it mean? It’s the opposite of “I’ll believe it when I see it.” It’s about being positive even in the face of adversity. Though difficult, you must learn to think positively. You will be surprised at the results.

you'll see it when you believe it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve always heard people make the statement, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”The problem is that our attitudes shape our perspectives. Therefore, our perspectives shape what we see.

Put another way, our perspectives can blind us to a lot of things, even when they’re right in front of our faces. Because if you have the mindset that you’ll believe it when you see it, the chances are you never will.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you’ll see it when you believe it, and why it’s essential to work on your mindset if you’re being bullied or facing any other type of adversity.

Once you learn this critical life lesson, you will be compelled to do the work to change your mindset and improve your life.

This post will give you all the reasons you’ll see it when you believe it, so that you will change your attitude and perhaps change a few of your outcomes, too.

You’ll See It When You Believe It

Many victims are bullied just as innocent people are convicted of crimes they didn’t commit. On the flip side, many bullies and criminals are promoted to high positions. It’s because of others’ attitudes!

We often base our judgments of others on our attitudes towards them. We judge them by what we’ve heard about them and whether we like them.

Many times, we judge others too harshly because we can’t see past our dislike or hatred of them. However, we also do this with our own lives.

If we’ve had a string of adversity throughout our lives, we usually come to expect more of the same. And sadly, we end up getting that!

We come to see ourselves as unlucky, undesirable, unlovable, and incapable of success. As a result of our thinking, we face increasing adversity.

It’s all about mindset.

Attitudes and perspectives about our lives will blind us to opportunities- opportunities that are right in front of us.

Sadly, these are opportunities we miss, while others see and seize them. Then, we’ve missed out once again, and thus, the cycle begins again.

Case in point: our attitudes and perspectives shape and influence our lives. They influence what happens in them and where they take us. Moreover, they attract people and events.

This is why you must do the inner work to change your thought patterns. In other words, you must check your attitude and work to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

The only way you will have a positive life is to have a positive attitude. Then you will have a positive perspective, which can only develop by having positive thoughts.

I know it’s hard to do when it seems that adversity is coming at you from every possible direction. Believe me, I understand because I’ve been there.

It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But I promise you this. If you start now by catching each negative thought and replacing it with a positive idea, you’ll be surprised at how much better your life will get!

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“Oh! But “What if it does?”

It worked for me, and it’ll work for you too!

You’ll See It When You Believe It:

Let’s talk about the negative self-fulfilling prophesy.

After bullies and others have put you down and degraded you for so long, serious changes in your thought patterns begin happening. You begin having symptoms that should warn you that you’re on your way to having a “bullied brain.”

Also, it’s the same with any other form of adversity, whether it be accidents, illnesses, or just plain old bad luck.

1. If You’re Bullied, You start to wonder if they’re right about you.

Moreover, you wonder if they were all along and that you just didn’t see it. If you aren’t careful, bullies will tell you lies about yourself so often, for so long, that you’ll begin to believe it too.

Why? Because a huge piece of your self-esteem has broken off. Therefore, your brain is rewiring itself to accept what these creeps tell you as gospel.

You may think to yourself, “Well, everyone else thinks I’m no good, maybe they’re right. Because if there is any good in me, why would so many people tell me differently?”

Never let your bullies get into your head. They may turn everyone else against you, but you don’t have to let them turn you against yourself.

You are good enough, and you matter. Never allow others to define who you are.

2. You’ll See It When You Believe It:

You begin to get awkward and clumsy.

If you start believing you have nothing but bad luck, you will soon begin to live up to it. The same will happen if you allow bullying to define you.

Your brain will begin preparing itself for a hostile environment. And your mind and body will enter survival mode.

Your decision-making skills will take a big hit. Therefore, you’ll start fumbling and screwing up constantly. And, the harder you try not to make mistakes, the more of them you will make.

3. You have a bad attitude about life.

You then begin to lose faith. Moreover, you have thoughts such as:

  • All humans are mean-spirited, greedy, and selfish pieces of sh**.
  • The world is a crappy place.
  • I’ll never amount to anything.
  • Life sucks.

4. Adverse things will happen in your life.

Your grades drop, your performance starts to wane, and you lose out on awards, achievements, and opportunities. It will seem that nothing ever works out for you.

Like attracts like; bad things tend to draw even more bad things. However, your attitude can make all the difference.

5. You’ll See It When You Believe It:

Your relationships will suffer.

The people in your life don’t understand what is happening to you. Therefore, they begin to question you. Some may accuse you of having a bad attitude.

Also, some may accuse you of being stubborn or defiant when you’re really shutting down. Therefore, they become disappointed in you and eventually stop believing in you.

And you may complain constantly. No one likes to hear whining, even if you have justification for it.

6. Goals that were once easy to achieve will become difficult.

Schoolwork or work projects that were once easy for you suddenly become difficult. This is because you’re in survival mode.

In other words, you’re too busy looking over your shoulder and trying to survive bullying to learn anything or concentrate on work projects.

After all, your brain can only do so much at once. Again, you learn and concentrate on work using your logical brain. Therefore, when the survival part of your brain turns on, the part involved in learning and concentration shuts down.

7. learned helplessness.

You may grow tired of trying. Everyone else has convinced you that you’re doomed to fail and live in misery. Therefore, you unintentionally live up to their expectations.

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s only the Law of Attraction at work. It starts with negative thought patterns. Like attracts like. What you think about, even on a subconscious level, always comes about.

However, know that it isn’t your fault. So, don’t blame yourself.

You’ll See It When You Believe It:

You must take responsibility for your own well-being!

Every day, you hear the same vitriol and get the same abuse over and over. Again. Repetition, repetition, repetition. However, this doesn’t relieve you of your responsibility to yourself.

You must train your brain to re-frame everything. Moreover, you must train your brain to see through others’ behavior and see the intentions behind it.

Otherwise, you’ll only start believing the crap that your bullies feed you. Then, you’ll to live up to it. Moreover, you’ll have a hard time controlling it or stopping it from happening.

Your bullies are trying to condition you.

Why are they so hell-bent on making you believe their lies?

  • Because they want to brainwash you.
  • What they want is to break your spirit.
  • Their end goal is to bring you so low that you never recover.
  • If they can do the above three, then you’re likely to prove them right.
  • Know that it’s all an attempt to reprogram you, and in a vast majority of cases, it works!

Self-fulfilling prophesies are real, and they can destroy your life. Therefore, don’t let bullies cause you to have a losing, self-defeating, and bitter attitude.

Put plainer, bullies mean to get you to believe that you are, in fact, worthless. Moreover, they want to force you to agree with it and that you deserve the mistreatment. Why?

Because if they can get you to believe it too, then you’re more likely to submit to their abuse without protest. Moreover, if they can get you to think you deserve it, then you’re least likely to fight back.

Why else would they try to drum such garbage into your head a million and one times a day?

You’ll See It When You Believe It:

Bullying is a form of brainwashing.

Understand that bullying, because of its repetitiveness and brutality, is a form of brainwashing. In other words, it is designed to condition you to believe that you’re no good and will never amount to anything.

Being stuck in a bullying environment is akin to being stuck in a communist re-education camp. It’s just as mind-altering as it is damaging.

This is because bullies spoon-feed you their bullshit repeatedly until your mind absorbs it. Therefore, you end up believing it.

They physically and emotionally beat you down. Next, they gaslight you and convince you that you deserve it.

They gaslight you. They blame you for their bad behavior when the truth is that you have no control over it. Setting boundaries is the best thing you can do. It’s as easy as putting your hand up and saying, “Bye, (bully’s name),” then walking away.

You’re Not Responsible for their behavior!

You can’t control anyone else’s behavior. Only they have control over their actions. The only person’s behavior you can control is your own. Always remember that!

Start training your brain to resist gaslighting. Do not internalize anything they throw at you. Why? Because these things listed below can happen if you aren’t careful.

  • You’ll stop believing in yourself.
  • You’ll have a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.”
  • Your grades will plummet, and your performance will suffer.
  • You’ll attract all kinds of bad fortune into your life.
  • You’ll want so badly to get out of the bad environment and situation you’re in that you’ll begin making poor decisions and life choices out of desperation- choices that may alter the entire course of your life.
  • You may drop out of school to get away from your bullies. I almost did.
  • You may quit your job before you have time to find other employment.
  • You may join a gang or extremist group to feel like you belong and to have friends.
  • You may use drugs to fit in or to dull the pain.

And what’s really sad is that you won’t even realize it’s happening until you’re already too far down the rabbit hole. That is, if you ever realize it.

The best way is to stop caring what they think.

You’ll See It When You Believe It:

The right attitude is key.

Confidence, self-love, and a positive attitude will bring good things into your life. It may take a while, but be patient! It will happen!

This is not to say that bad things won’t sometimes happen; they do. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. And it happens to all of us.

However, with a positive attitude, your life won’t be one huge string of bad luck. You will have more victories than losses.

Again, attitude attracts things into your life, like attracts like. How I wish I had known this when I was young.

Finding That Healthy Balance Between Positive and Negative Experiences

Everyone has both positive and negative experiences with others. This can affect confidence and self-esteem. The trick is to keep the positive either equal to or higher than the negative.

When you feel hopeless and pushed to the breaking point, it means you’ve had too many negative experiences. Any positive experience you’ve had in the past feels irrelevant.

You’ll See It When You Believe It:

Think of confidence and self-esteem as a bank account.

If others bully you nonstop for long enough, it will quickly deplete your positive account. This is why you must continue to “deposit money” into your bank account every day. You do this by giving yourself words of encouragement and love.

You can also build confidence by reading books that teach confidence-building techniques. Another way to build your self-esteem is to keep company with those who uplift you.

Positive words, actions, and experiences must equal, or better yet, outweigh the negative you receive from bullies. Only then will you restore your self-esteem and regain your confidence. And once confidence is restored, you’ll be better able to combat bullies and stop being a victim.

Although talking about the abuse and getting it out helps with healing, it only does so much. The best way to maintain your self-esteem and confidence is to create more positive experiences than negative ones.

Build friendships outside the bullying environment. Create lasting memories. That is the best kind of therapy. And, most importantly, think positively. Add self-care to the equation, and you have a surefire way to restore your confidence.

The purpose of this post was to remind you that you’ll see it when you believe it. Think positive and maintain a positive attitude, and things will change for the better.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

2. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Affects Mental Health

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

5. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Easy Ways

the best revenge against bullies reddit

The Best Revenge Against Bullies: What is It?

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‘Want to know the best revenge against bullies? Here’s the one thing that will hurt them more than anything you could ever do.

the best revenge against bullies

The best revenge against bullies isn’t about retaliation. It isn’t about getting payback. So, what is it? In this post, you will learn the best way to come out on top.

Once you learn what the best revenge against bullies really is, you will be more compelled to rise above your bullies the right way.

This post is all about what the best revenge against bullies really is, so you can do what you need to do to take care of yourself and live a peaceful life.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies

Let’s get into it. What is the best revenge against bullies? There are three ways to win against your bullies. Here they are.

1. Living a Peaceful Life

As the old saying goes, “living well is the best revenge.” And it’s one of the most factual statements you’ll ever hear or read.

When you live a peaceful and drama-free life, people, especially bullies, will despise that. Why? Because they want you miserable like they are. Therefore, they will do something to disrupt it.

The best way to avoid this and keep tranquility in your life is to avoid toxic people. This is the best way to prevent disruptive individuals from disrupting your peace.

2. Success.

Yes! You read this correctly! Success is, by far, the best revenge you can ever take against your bullies. Why? There are several reasons!

Most bullies believe that they are superior to you. Any time you make an achievement, they will see it as a threat to their power. Then, they will increase their attacks against you.

And they will do it not only to punish you, but also to keep you in your place. Therefore, it isn’t always safe to share your accomplishments.

Moreover, your bullies might convince others that you are bragging. In cases like this, please allow someone else to announce your success rather than doing so yourself.

And, again, sometimes it’s better to keep it quiet.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

Not everyone wants you to succeed.

You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. And this includes some of your closest friends.

Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own personal failures. If you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior to reach success and overshadow them.

Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win. And when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.

It’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! In other words, you force them into the shadows while you get to shine. You get to be recognized for your accomplishments.

This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight! Understand that bullies crave attention and adoration most. And when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

IF you score a win, your bullies will make you pay for it.

Naturally, they will retaliate by launching all sorts of attacks against you. Your bullies will make all sorts of accusations. They may throw shade by bringing up your past mistakes.

You must see through their behavior. They only do it because their power has been threatened. And when your accomplishments drive them into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.

Therefore, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities. So, how do you handle this?

You handle it by staying above it. Refuse to react to the bullies’ foolishness. Instead, continue enjoying your wins and successes and let them stew in their own juices.

Let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire. Watch with a smile as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness!

Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.

If you haven’t made any accomplishments yet, work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from anyone.

And the fewer roadblocks you will run into along the way. And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it, and with it, give your bullies the surprise of their lives.

“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”

1. It’s a type of revenge in which you don’t have to resort to being petty nor violent.

In achieving success, there’s no need to say a word or lift a finger against the bullies. In this, you can silently exact revenge without reducing yourself to the bullies’ level.

As a result, you don’t look petty in the eyes of others!

2. The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

Envy and jealousy are natural human tendencies.

It’s a fact that most people hate to see others succeed and reach their goals and dreams. And secretly, bullies take pleasure in watching others, especially you, suffer.

However, when you become happy and prosperous, it takes the wind out of the bullies’ sails. It only disappoints, frustrates, or even angers them. All while you continue to smile, shine, and move on to even bigger things!

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying, any successes you achieve will automatically incite jealousy.

3. If you’re lucky, you get to watch your bullies seethe as you collect your accolades.

And hey! Let’s be real here! There’s nothing more satisfying than watching your bullies squirm with jealousy and rage as you get recognition for your accomplishments!

And if you want, you can covertly eat your bullies alive by looking at them with a taunting smile!

So, find something you enjoy doing – something you are good at! Practice and perfect any talents and gifts you’ve been blessed with. Then display those talents before the world!

Your self-esteem will skyrocket. And you never know where it may take you!

4. The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

You prove them wrong

Bullies despise it when you show them up. When you prove a bully wrong, you show everyone else that they aren’t so perfect.

This undermines their image. Therefore, they’ll try to get back at you to repair it.

5. You outshine them

Upstage a bully, and you’ll get tons of flak for it. To your bullies, you are inferior, and they want you to stay that way.

If you make a significant accomplishment, this makes your bullies look less important. You naturally overshadow anything they’ve accomplished. And they’ll do everything possible to try to reduce you to a place of inferiority.

Bullies Hate Competition

Bullies hate competition. And they despise it, especially when it’s you they must compete with. If someone they deem inferior outmatches them in any competition. Oooo! Talk about a blow to the bully’s ego. Ouch!

They see your accomplishments as a threat to their superiority. Why? Because the bullies’ sense of self-worth is rooted in one-upmanship.

Therefore, they will get angry and say things like:

  • “You think you’re better than us!”
  • “You think you’re hot stuff!”
  • “You think you’re so f***ing cool, don’t you?”

I’ve come to realize that any time a bully makes any statement that begins with, “You think you’re…,” it usually means jealousy. And it means anger, or resentment aimed at you for a success or desirable quality that you have. Always!

Understand that those three little words can say so much.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

They despise your confidence.

Bullies despise any confidence you have. Why? Because when you’re confident, you believe in yourself. Therefore, you don’t let others define who you are.

Confidence is your first line of defense against bullying. It naturally buffers your self-esteem for personal attacks.

When you have confidence, you’re likely to tell your bullies where to stick it. Again, that’s a huge threat to their power. They may try to push you around one time. But it will be the only time they do it.

It pays to love yourself even when it seems others don’t.

Let Bullies be Your Jet Fuel to Unimaginable Heights

Instead of letting them bring you down, use your bullies as motivation to succeed. Let them be your drive to accomplish anything you see set to do.

Walk with your head held high, even amid taunts and attacks from bullies. Believe in yourself even when it seems no one else does. Be your own advocate, and be your own best friend.

Love and respect yourself. Do the things you enjoy the most. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Take care of yourself and stay true to your own heart.

Put yourself first. Be a little selfish and allow yourself to say no, whether anyone approves or not. Be your authentic self and be assertive and outspoken.

Keep company only with people who love you most and uplift you. Take charge of your own happiness and never depend on anyone else for it. Be proud of your successes, accomplishments, and accolades.

Do all of these things, and your bullies will be less likely to affect you.

The Best Revenge Against Bullies:

Using Bullying as a Motivator for Success and Happiness

I want to tell you that being the object of bullying does not mean that you’re a failure. It does not mean that you must give up.

Remember that bullies are not only cowards, they’re also liars. They only want to convince you that you are nothing.

And they want you to believe that because they are very much afraid that you WILL amount to something. So why not use them as motivation?

Here are ways that you can survive bullying and keep your self-esteem from tanking:

  • Practice and display any talents that you have.
  • Spend time with those you love and who love you the most.
  • Take care of yourself.
  • If a great opportunity comes your way, TAKE IT!
  • Do the things you enjoy the most.
  • Smile.

If you are a victim of bullying, there’s no better time to do whatever it takes to stay confident! Don’t let bullying devastate you; allow it to motivate you.

When they hate you, love yourself anyway. That’s how you get revenge. And you do it without even trying.

This post was all about the best revenge against bullies so that you can release any grudges and shift your focus from them to yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Revenge on Bullies? Here are 17 Better Alternatives. 

2. Things Bullies Hate: 9 Things That Drive Them Up the Wall

3. What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

4. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

5. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

people pleaser trauma response psychology

People Pleaser Trauma Response: 5 Adverse Events that Cause It.

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‘Want to know about the people pleaser trauma response? People pleasing is mostly a trauma response. Here are five adverse life events that can lead to fawning, along with ways to break this self-sabotaging habit.

people pleaser trauma response

In this post, you will learn all about the people pleaser trauma response and the five adverse events that cause it.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to not only recognize it in yourself if it’s something you struggle with, but you will also be able to narrow down where it came from.

This post is all about the people pleaser trauma response so that you can recognize it, know what causes it, and identify all the signs of it.

People Pleaser Trauma Response

People-pleasing caused by trauma is real. Why? Because people-pleasing behavior, in general, is usually caused by some past trauma.

Let’s find out why some folks people-please.

Psychological Conditioning

Another name for people-pleasing is fawning.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, many victims of past bullying and abuse struggle with people-pleasing. Abusers have instilled the belief that, to win approval, you must bend over backwards for others. You must even tolerate shitty treatment from creeps.

So, they obey others’ demands because bullies have brainwashed them. And, not so much by words, but by their actions.

How? By retaliating and inflicting harm anytime the victim grew a spine and refused their demands. By doing this, bullies send the message that the next time you refuse to submit, they will punish you.

Moreover, they will often hurt you for daring to say “no!” Therefore, you fear asserting yourself.  And you quickly adapt to having to cater to others to ensure your safety. Sadly, some victims linger on in the same situation for years on end.

It’s a hell of a way to live, and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for others’ purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment, not your own.

People Pleaser Trauma Response:

Bullies don’t take no for an answer.

Bullies have a massive sense of entitlement. Moreover, they feel that they are superior to you. Therefore, they don’t take no for an answer, especially from a little peon like you.

They punish anyone who refuses their demands. And that punishment can be psychological or even physical. However, this doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to stand firm.

It’s better for others to hate you than for you to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

The Difference Between Kindness and People-pleasing

Kindness means that you give of yourself because you want to. Those who are kind have healthy self-esteem and give out of love. However, they never give at their own expense.

However, a people-pleaser has low self-esteem. Their giving and generosity come from fear instead of love. They give because they feel no one will like them if they don’t. Or, they do it because they may suffer consequences if they don’t.

So, what are the disadvantages of people-pleasing behavior?

People Pleaser Trauma Response:

the disadvantages of People-pleasing

  • You end up feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!
  • You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.
  • You have no time for yourself.
  • Your productivity declines because other people’s priorities constrain your time.
  • Others lose respect for you.
  • It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.
  • You feel anger and resentment, not only at the people who constantly use you, but toward yourself for allowing them to.

 If nothing else, realize this. Most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for your needs. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. Don’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others. You must take care of yourself first.

Now, let’s learn the signs of people-pleasing you may see in yourself.

People Pleaser Trauma Response:

Signs You’re a People Pleaser

First, what is a people-pleaser? It is someone who always puts others before themselves. In other words, they put themselves last.

Many, especially targets of bullying, will have an overwhelming urge to people-please. This is not to say that they’re bad for doing it. However, it is unhealthy because what you are doing is not only counterproductive but also self-destructive.

To know the signs, you must distinguish between kindness and people-pleasing. Again, those who are kind give of themselves out of love. Their giving comes from the heart, not self-esteem issues or fear.

So, how do you know you’re a people-pleaser?

  • The fear of retaliation.
  • The desire to be liked and win friends.
  • To prove your worth.
  • To avoid conflict.
  • From insecurity.
  • You have low self-esteem.
  • Feeling like no one appreciates you.
  • Secretly having anger and resentment toward those who use and abuse you.
  • Being angry at yourself for allowing it.
  • Others may call you a “simp.”

5 Adverse Events that Cause People-Pleasing Behavior

1. Bullying or Past Bullying.

Bullying, whether at school or work, is traumatic. If you aren’t careful, it won’t take long, and before you know it, you’ll be walking on eggshells around everyone. And that’s what causes people-pleasing behavior.

In this situation, you aren’t trying to get others to like you. You’re trying to keep them off your back. Therefore, you fawn to keep them happy. But it only produces the opposite results. Others who are evil will notice it and only exploit it.

2. People pleaser Trauma Response:

Growing Up with Child Abuse.

Child abuse is another adverse event that causes people-pleaser behavior. Children who live in abusive homes learn quickly that to stay off an abusive family’s radar, they must fawn.

In other words, they must do everything humanly possible to make the abuser happy. Why? Because they know that if they don’t, there will be hell to pay.

They develop survival habits that are normalized. And by the time these kids reach adulthood, they become a way of life.

Sadly, through their people-pleasing behavior, they only attract more abusers. And they end up a victim of bullying for life. Understand that bullies and abusers look for a trauma response. It’s how they select their victims.

3. Spousal Abuse.

Spousal abuse is so potent. Oftentimes, a person who marries an abuser is highly confident at first. However, it doesn’t take long before domestic abuse whittles their self-esteem down to nothing.

Once your self-esteem is gone, you’ll bend yourself into a pretzel to please your abusive partner. And because trying to please them rewards their behavior, they’ll only treat you worse.

4. People Pleaser Trauma Response:

Not Knowing Any Better.

You may genuinely believe that you’re being kind when, in fact, you may be overdoing the pleasantries. And the next thing you know, others are treating you like a doormat, and you don’t understand why.

You may have been raised to treat everyone as you would want to be treated. However, your guardians may not have taught you that some will take advantage of it. Therefore, you people-please without realizing it.

Again, people-pleaser behavior is a sign of trauma. And signs of trauma are what abusers look for in potential victims.

5. Emotional gaslighting.

Bullies and abusers will use emotional gaslighting when you dare to defend yourself. Understand that they do this to drag you back under their power.

Therefore, if you have a habit of people-pleasing and you begin defending yourself because you’ve grown tired of taking bullshit, look for others to gaslight you.

It’s what happens when you first begin standing up for yourself.

Here’s how to get rid of the people pleaser trauma response:

1. Establish boundaries

When you have no boundaries, others will have no respect for you. Pleasers have no boundaries. Therefore, others quickly notice it and exploit it.

Setting boundaries may feel weird at first. However, it is a must if you want to take back control of your life. Why? Because setting boundaries shows that you have self-respect.

It also shows that you’re not afraid to prioritize your needs, even if it makes others angry. Realize that you teach others how to treat you. And how you treat yourself depends on how you allow others to treat you.

I can’t stress this enough: trauma responses attract bullying and abuse.

2. Stop apologizing

From the time we’re toddlers, our parents teach us to apologize when we do something wrong. Although this is a good thing, overdoing it can backfire.

Anytime you make unnecessary apologies, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. And when you give unsavory characters undeserved apologies, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior.

In the end, it only makes you a bigger target.

But when you refuse to apologize when you don’t need to, you show greater self-esteem. Moreover, you show greater power and display more dignity and integrity. Therefore, you instantly become less of a victim.

So, stop giving needless apologies. Realize that this overwhelming urge to over-apologize is only a knee-jerk reaction to extreme fear. Bullies and abusers can sniff fear from miles away.

3. How to Get Rid of The People Pleaser Trauma Response:

Say no.

The word no yields more power than any other word in the English language. On the other hand, the word yes holds none whatsoever.

Saying no is risky. However, saying yes to bullies won’t keep them from harming you. It may hold them off for the time being, but it won’t keep the bullies away forever. They always come back for more later.

Realize that saying yes to some, especially bullies, means saying no to yourself. So, never be afraid to say no and mean it.

4. Practice self-care

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential to your physical and mental well-being. Nobody else will do it for you. Therefore, it’s up to you to take care of yourself, even if others disagree.

Understand that if you don’t begin looking out for number one, you’ll only continue playing second fiddle to others. Or worse, you might end up coming in last!

The only one you should come second to is God! Especially around bullies and others who don’t value you.

So, continue to do you. Others may not like it, but that’s their problem, not yours.

5. How to Get rid of the people pleaser trauma Response:

Make your needs a priority

You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you make your needs a priority, you’ll have more to give to others. Always remember that.

Realize that you don’t need to kiss ass, eat shit, and lick boots to prove your worth or ensure your safety. When you tend to people-please, you only bring more bullying and abuse into your life. Why? Because evil characters look for signs of trauma in potential victims

It isn’t your fault. However, you must still learn how to ward off bullies and attract healthy people. Standing up for yourself is how you do it.

This post is all about the people pleaser trauma response so that you can know where it comes from and how to break the bad habits that attract bullying and mistreatment.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Trauma

2. People Pleaser Test: 4 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser

3. Over Apologizing Trauma Response: 9 Easy Ways to Overcome It

4. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying\

5. The Perfect Victim: 9 Traits Bullies Look for in Potential Targets

manipulators quotes

Manipulators: 8 Ways They Manipulate

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Want to know about manipulators and how they operate? Here’s everything you need to know.

manipulatorsManipulators are everywhere, at school, in the workplace, and even in the home. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about manipulators and the tactics they use to get what they want.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be better able to spot them and protect yourself.

This post is all about manipulators so that you can recognize when you’re being taken for a sucker and drop them like they’re hot.

Manipulators

So, why do people resort to manipulation? They do it because they feel powerless inside. They don’t have the guts to come out and ask for what they want.

Moreover, they feel they can’t get their needs met any other way. Therefore, they must resort to indirect means and trickery to get their needs and wants met.

There are many ways people, especially bullies, manipulate. Here are all the tactics they use to get what they want from you.

1. Guilt Trips

Manipulators will make you feel guilty when you don’t let them have their way. And they will continue to violate your boundaries.

If you “dare” to stand up to them, they’ll become offended and angry. They will try to make you believe you are the bad guy.

Many times when I was young, others tried to constantly manipulate me. They told me that if I didn’t do what they wanted, I wasn’t a good person. Or they would imply that I wasn’t a team player.

They would accuse me of being selfish, stingy, or greedy. The other person would always say things that made me feel rotten.

Manipulators may also attempt to make you feel obligated somehow. They may refer to something they did for you and imply that you now owe them.

For example, if a partner asks a girl for sex and she tells them she’s not ready to take that step yet, the partner will then say something to the tune of, “I just took you out to a five-course dinner and treated you to a great movie…” Blah-b-blah.

Let’s be clear, you don’t owe them anything, especially if it’s a date trying to get in your pants. The same goes if someone is trying to talk you into joining them in doing something illegal.

If something doesn’t feel right and you get the feeling you’re better off not going along, trust your instincts. And say no, then tell them to either beat it or take you home right then!

2. Tactics of Manipulators:

Pretending not to understand

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” We have all heard that line many times. Manipulators will claim they don’t understand. However, they know darn well what you’re saying, but don’t want to.

Do not fall for this! Either walk away, or tell the person, “Don’t give me that crap. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Then, walk away.

3. Being friendly only when they expect something in return

Every single one of us has dealt with those types- you know the ones. You never hear from these people.  Moreover, they may even treat you coldly when they see you out and about.

Then, suddenly, magically, out of the blue, they call you up or start being friendly. Next, they ask you for a favor, some help with a problem they are dealing with. Or maybe they need a little cash.

And so, you help the person, and once they’ve gotten what they wanted, it’s back to true blue. They disappear or go back to treating you like trash.

You must see this person for who they are. And this creep is nothing but a user. They’re one of many manipulators who get over on you and many others.

Ditch this person because they will only drain you. You don’t need them in your life.

4. Tactics of Manipulators:

The silent treatment

This is one of the most common tactics manipulators use. And they do it to exploit the natural and extreme human need for social acceptance and community.

Let’s face it. We are all hardwired for social connection. Furthermore, it’s natural to go silent on someone when they’ve done us wrong.

However, the silent treatment can also be abused by manipulators when they don’t get their way, and can be damaging to the target when used against them.

If a bully or anyone else tries to get you to do something you don’t want to do, no law says that you have to do it. And how you protect yourself against this childish behavior is to not care about it. Instead, mirror it back to them.

In other words, when someone gives you the silent treatment, you give it back to them. Always remember that two can play that game!

5. Acting as if an agreement has been made when there’s been no agreement at all

This can be the most infuriating. These creeps will often go ahead with their plans before you’ve agreed. Or they’ll tell you something like, “Remember? We agreed to so-and-so last week,” knowing darn well you never agreed to anything.

Manipulators will try to put words in your mouth to strong-arm you into giving in. They won’t even stop to think about how you feel about it. Why? Because they don’t care.

Don’t go along with this. Give this person their walking papers. Pronto!

6. Tactics of Manipulators:

Predicting negative outcomes to your plans

 Anytime you have plans, there will be those who will try to break your confidence. And they will do it by giving you words of discouragement.

For example, if you plan to record a CD, they might say things like, “I’m not trying to disappoint you, but chances are your CD will never chart.” Or “I hate to say this, but it’s no guarantee a producer will ever sign you to a record deal.”

Moreover, if you’re planning to publish a book, someone might ask you, “How do you know your book will even sell?” Or they might ask, “Do you really think you’re that good a writer? You need to be honest with yourself.”

They may also ridicule and belittle your goals and dreams. They do this to make your dreams seem foolish or something to be ashamed of. And sadly, these kinds of tactics work.

They’re even more effective when manipulators use them in front of an audience.

Trust me, I had people do the same to me, but it never discouraged me. It only ticked me off and made me double down on my plans to publish my books. And the best part is, I finally did it!

I advise you to do the same. If a shady character tries to discourage you from pursuing your plans, goals, and dreams, keep going.

Realize that the reason people discourage you is that they’re so afraid that you might succeed. In fact, the very possibility of you succeeding scares them to death!

Why? Because your success would force these jerks to take a long look at themselves and their own pathetic lives. Moreover, it just might put you ahead of them.

7. Tactics of Manipulators:

Distracting you from your goals

If jealous manipulators know that you’re striving toward a goal, they will deliberately try to distract you. Again, the reason they do this is that, deep down, they’re afraid that you might succeed. Then you will force them to compare your life to theirs.

Point blank, these people want so badly for you to fail. And they want you to stay on the same level as them. Why? So they won’t be left alone in the gutter, feeling so bad about themselves.

For example, people might be real sneaky about it. They may begin inviting you to parties or trying to get you drunk.

When they do this, they can claim that they only want you to have a good time instead of sitting at home studying all the time. Or they may be more overt and interrupt you while you’re working.

Or, they may play loud music while you’re trying to concentrate. Again, these people are scared to death of your success. And they will very slyly put out all the stops to distract your attention. So, beware.

How you combat this is by politely declining any invitations. Or, you can go to a place where you can work quietly and not be interrupted or distracted.

8. Tactics of Manipulators:

Isolating you.

Abusive partners

This is, perhaps, one of the worst manipulation tactics. And it happens often in abusive marriages and relationships.

The person may try to keep you away from caring family and friends. Therefore, you must see the reasons they do it.

One reason is to control the narrative. They want to make sure your loved ones don’t give you information that could put them in danger. For instance, your family members may see right through your partner.

As a result, they may tell you that they aren’t good for you and that you should drop them. Moreover, your partner may want to keep you all to themselves. However, you must understand that this isn’t normal and should be seen as a red flag.

Bullies

If your manipulators are bullies, they may turn your friends against you. They may also make it difficult for you to make new friends.

Understand that they do this to control your social life. If they can ruin your reputation and turn everyone against you, they can make you lonely. Moreover, they can cut off any support you might otherwise receive.

And it’s all to maintain power over your life.

Tactics of Manipulators:

in conclusion

These are only a few tactics manipulators use, but they are the most common. Other tactics include gaslighting, physical abuse, and fear.

Your best defense against them is knowledge. When you know their tactics and personalities, you can better predict what they’ll do. Then you can block their attempts to control you.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Here’s a brief summary of what we just covered:

  • Guilt trips
  • Pretending not to understand
  • Being friendly only when they expect something from you.
  • Giving you the silent treatment
  • Acting as if an agreement has been made when you haven’t agreed to anything.
  • Predicting negative outcomes to your plans.
  • Distracting you from your goals.
  • Isolating you.

This post was all about manipulators and the tactics they use so that you can use what you’ve learned to predict their next move and outflank them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Sub-types of Bullies: 7 Personalities of Bullies

2.  What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

3. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

4. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

5. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

Bullying and The Human Stress Response

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‘Want to know about bullying and the human stress response? Here’s everything you need to know.

bullying and the human stress response

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bullying and the Human Stress Response go hand in hand. Bullying automatically activates this response in victims.

Whenever bullies accost their target, their body instinctively goes into survival mode.  Therefore, the automatic response is either to fight or flee.

But what happens when their bodies stay in that state due to long-term bullying?

In this post, you will learn all about bullying and the human stress response. You will also learn what happens when a person stays in survival mode for longer than usual.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will become more proactive in protecting yourself from bullying.

This post is all about the human stress response, so you will understand the mechanisms by which bullying affects the brain and the sympathetic nervous system.

Bullying and the Human stress Response

Bullying automatically throws the victim’s body into survival mode. We no longer fight saber-toothed tigers and woolly mammoths to survive. However, our bodies don’t know the difference.

Therefore, bullying activates the same human survival instinct that wild animals did during prehistoric times. When bullies approach you, your bloodstream floods itself with adrenaline.

This is useful in emergencies because it lets you run faster from a pack of wolves. Moreover, it gives you the strength that you wouldn’t usually have. This is the stamina you need to fight off people who want to harm or kill you.

It’s all a part of the survival instinct that all humans have. However, this burst of adrenaline is only meant to be temporary and subsides once the danger has passed.

Therefore, if you live on this adrenaline for too long, it can have devastating consequences.

the effects of Long-term bullying on the sympathetic nervous system.

A certain amount of stress is healthy because it helps us to get things done. However, too much stress for too long can cause significant damage.

According to the Cleveland Clinic website, “Your sympathetic nervous system is a network of nerves that helps your body activate its ‘fight-or-flight’ response. This system’s activity increases when you’re stressed. It also kicks in when you’re in danger or physically active.

Its effects include increasing your heart rate and breathing ability, improving your eyesight, and slowing down processes like digestion.”( https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23262-sympathetic-nervous-system-sns-fight-or-flight#:~:text=Your%20sympathetic%20nervous%20system%20is%20best%20known%20for%20its%20role,your%20get%20out%20of%20danger. )

Bullying and the Human Stress Response:

What happens when you live in survival mode for too long?

The effects are devastating! After so long, bullying can screw up the target’s Sympathetic Nervous System. It can cause confusion and emotional numbness.

Moreover, the constant bullying puts your fight-or-flight response into overdrive. After bullies have bullied you for so long, it causes adverse changes in your brain.

It causes your thinking ability to decline. Also, your brain rewires itself to expect a hostile environment. In other words, it will create new neural pathways to support this.

When you live in survival mode, the logical part of your brain automatically shuts down. Therefore, the primal part of your brain takes over.

What are the most common outcomes?

1. If people bully you in school, your grades fall, and class performance suffers.

As we all should know, bullying can have a devastating effect on grades and class performance. Here’s how:

Anytime you are a victim of bullying, you are on constant alert for an attack. It feels as if you have a target on your back and you must grow eyes in the back of your head. In other words, you become hyper-vigilant.

When you must focus so much on protecting yourself, safety takes priority over studying lessons. How can one concentrate on schoolwork? You can’t study when people constantly bombard you with threats, taunts, name-calling, and physical violence.

How can you learn effectively when you’re stuck in never-ending fight-or-flight mode? It’s almost impossible! I tell you this because it happened to me.

Therefore, is it any wonder that the majority of victims have such poor grades?

2. Bullying and The Human Stress Response:

Learned helplessness.

When you suffer bullying, many people repeatedly tell you that you’ll never amount to anything. After hearing the same crap repeatedly for so long, you begin to believe it yourself.

Therefore, a condition, known as “Learned Helplessness,” develops. And, soon, you stop trying altogether.

Bullying can affect ALL areas of your life. Not only social, but also academic and achievements.

3. Bullying stunts victims’ social development.

The bullied brain has difficulty developing properly. Social intelligence may not keep you from becoming a victim of bullying. However, it will lessen your chances of it.

Social intelligence always has, and always will, supersede book smarts. It will get you much further than college degrees, awards, and credentials alone.

Moreover, it is the reason high school dropouts have become millionaires. And it is also why many college graduates have ended up flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Social intelligence is THE most important quality you can have. It’s the highest-paid skill and most important asset in the entire universe.

But, sadly, most victims have had their confidence and charisma bullied out of them.

4. Bullying and the Human Stress Response:

Social withdrawal.

However, if you suffer bullying, the abuse can batter your self-esteem into oblivion. And, to cope with it, you may withdraw from the rest of the world.

When you’ve been bullied for so long, you become deathly afraid of other people. Also, you come to believe that you’re inferior to everyone else.

Therefore, you’re afraid to talk, scared to mingle, and fearful of social situations. You retreat into yourself and live inside your own head.

You may create a fantasy world where you feel safe, wanted, and loved. It’s a world of imaginary people who accept you. As a result, you shut out the “real world” and live in this fantasy world- this safe haven you’ve created.

This is not good because, when this happens, you stop watching people and the world around you. As a result, you stop learning the social graces and nuances that you need to know to nurture relationships and create a good life for yourself.

5. You become socially awkward.

In other words, you become too quiet, shy, and reserved.

You look right through people instead of smiling and saying hello. You become sullen and spaced out instead of happy, upbeat, and engaging.

Also, you feel numb instead of the emotions you should feel at different times.

Therefore, it stunts your social development!

6. Other negative outcomes you may face.

You will have trouble making your own choices. Why? Because you won’t trust yourself to make the right decisions for your life, especially if you are a child.

Relentless bullying can cause children to lose the ability to discern abuse when they experience it. They may make wrong choices to reach safety. This usually happens due to changes in their brains.

Bullying can also affect emotional control. You may suffer loss of cognitive abilities and a severely diminished ability to control emotions. This is why victims often snap and do irrational things when the pressure builds to the breaking point.

This happens especially with children. Because their brains are still developing, kids are more likely to have defects in emotional regulation.

Bullying and the Human Stress Response:

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight

Bullying causes self-doubt. And self-doubt is the killer of dreams. It comes when a person is consistently showered with toxicity.

Toxicity comes from toxic people- bullies and abusers. When all a person gets is insults and abuse for a long time, they become exhausted.  And any positivity they once had is slowly drained from them until they’re totally depleted of it.

Eventually, if you aren’t careful, you’ll start seeing yourself through the eyes of your bullies. And you’ll give up. And, when others look at you, they will see a person who’s lackluster and slow.

When you’re a target of bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but constant rain. The flower doesn’t grow and develop properly.

The consistent abuse zaps your energy and keeps you hyper-vigilant and on guard 24/7- waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You lose your happiness, confidence, pride, will, and purpose in life. In essence, your bullies take away your good qualities and turn you into a person you don’t even recognize anymore.

This is no way to live.

So, what can you do?

Never accept the bullshit bullies try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t know you at all. They may claim they know you more than you know yourself.

The truth is, nobody can possibly know you like you know yourself. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

1. Bullying and The Human Stress Response:

Refuse to accept their definition of you.

Understand that bullies and abusers are miserable people who want you to be as miserable as they are. Therefore, stay away from those people. They aren’t worth your time or energy.

Remember that there’s always hope. You’re worth much more than what your bullies say you are. And you’re worth more than you may think you are.

Never let bullies destroy the things inside you that matter the most. That is your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours and not for anyone else to have!

2. Remove yourself from the environment if possible.

Focus on self-care. If at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment. Go to a new place where you can grow and flourish.

Transfer to a place where you can make friends. Be your own best friend. Be your own hero. And be your own sunlight!

Keep company with people who let you shine and let the sun shine on you!

Remember that a plant cannot grow in a hostile environment with no sunlight or water. And neither can human beings flourish in fight-or-flight mode.

Constant survival mode is no way to live.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

This post is all about bullying and the human stress response so that you will be more aware of the outcomes and start defending yourself now.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Affects Mental Health 

2. Fight Flight Freeze Fawn: 4 Stress Responses of Bullying Victims

3. Bullying Survival Mode: 5 Things Victims of Bullying Do Wrong

4. Bullying and the Fight-or-Flight Response

5. Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

signs verbal abuse will turn physical in a relationship

Signs Verbal Abuse will Turn Physical

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‘Want to know all the signs verbal abuse will turn physical? Here are all the indicators you need to know.

signs verbal abuse will turn physical

There are always signs that verbal abuse will turn physical. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what those signs are so that you can act beforehand.

Once you learn all these indicators, you will be better prepared to defend yourself when a bully raises a hand to you.

This post is all about the signs verbal abuse will turn physical, so that if you’re being verbally bullied, you will be prepared to defend yourself. And if you’re in an abusive relationship, you can start planning your exit strategy now.

Signs Verbal Abuse will Turn Physical

You would be surprised at how quickly and easily a bully (or any abuser, for that matter) can change from letting their mouths do the talking to letting their fists and feet speak for them.

No one should ever tolerate verbal abuse. However, many do put up with it and don’t realize that words can turn into physical blows.

here’s a scenario you’ll probably recognize

Bullying always escalates. Always. For instance, bullies have been verbally abusing you for quite some time. You remember how they began with subtle digs and zingers. Next, you noticed that they progressed to openly screaming at you and cursing you out like a dog.

They called you ugly names and accused you of things you are not guilty of. They probably shouted you down, everything you even looked like you were going to speak.

And now, they are making threats of violence against you. You’ve begun to feel afraid because you’re not sure if they mean it or not. Therefore, you don’t know when the bullying will become physical and what they’ll do to you when it does.

Understand that your bullies are still pushing your boundaries. Little by little, they up the ante to test you and figure out how you’ll react. In other words, they are seeing what you’ll let them get away with.

Therefore, they always start small. And they ever so gradually turn it up in teeny tiny increments. Bullies do this to condition you to take worse abuse. And sometimes, you don’t even know they’re doing it.

So, how do you know when the verbal bullying you suffer is about to become physical? Here’s how:

1. Signs Verbal Abuse will Turn Physical:

they invade your personal space

You can’t mistake this body language. When bullies invade your space, it’s a surefire sign that things are about to get physical. They get a little too close. They’ll follow close behind you as you’re walking down the hallway or street.

They may stand too close to you in the lunch line or while you’re punching the time clock. They may even step in front of you and block you from going any further.

Understand that body language speaks louder than words ever will. The verbal attacks were only a precursor. If nothing else, know this! Anytime a bully gets too close to you, it means they want to strike you.

Therefore, they are making sure that you are within their reach so that they can. Moreover, they are experimenting with you to gauge your response.

If someone gets in your face, your first response should be to knock the living hell out of them.

In this case, offense is the best defense. In other words, don’t even give them a chance to hit you first. Why? Because the first strike just might be the one that maims or kills you.

Therefore, to prevent a possible physical attack, the time to act is now! You must tell them in no uncertain terms to back off. And if they don’t, it’s time to strike first.

Yes! You heard me correctly. I’m not beyond hauling off and punching someone in the nose if they get in my face and refuse to back off.

However, be aware that you may be in a place where punching a bully isn’t suitable. You may be working at your job or studying in class.

In lieu of fighting, I recommend that you look the bully dead in the eye.  And give the hardest glare you can muster. Then tell them in a low, growling voice to knock it off. Keep in mind that your nonverbal communication (your body language) must match what you say.

Keep glaring at them, without blinking, until they avert their eyes. Make sure you’re standing absolutely still and facing them in a power pose. (More on power poses later) The goal here is to put the fear of God in the bully.

2. Signs Verbal Abuse will Turn Physical:

they lay claim to your things and your territory

Bullies may sit at your desk. They may also pick up your belongings or lean on your car. Understand that, by touching your belongings, bullies are laying claim to what is yours. This is another sign of hostility.

This is the time to assert yourself firmly. Tell them to keep their slimy, grimy paws off your stuff! Bear in mind that messing with your belongings or destroying them is also considered to be physical bullying.

However, be forewarned that most bullies will see this as a challenge. And they will dare you to do something about it.

In this case, don’t be afraid to throw up your dukes. It’s your stuff they’re messing with, and they’re doing it to test you and see how far they can push you! So, don’t fail!

But, just as I mentioned earlier, if you use fisticuffs, make sure the time, place, and conditions are as close to right as possible. If not, do what I suggested at the end of the last section.

3. they will begin assaulting you and making it look like an accident

I call this borderline physical abuse.

Bullies will begin their physical assaults through“accidental” shoves, pushes, and bumps. They may do things “accidentally on purpose.”

For instance, they may“accidentally” run or bump into you in the hallway or parking lot. They might “accidentally” trip you or knock you down.

Or they’ll “accidentally” knock things out of your hands. They will say, “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to (trip, shove, run into you, etc.).

And they’ll say it knowing damn well they did it deliberately. Also, you’ll know it too.

Moreover, they do it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you won’t notice that it’s escalating. After all, accidents happen all the time. No harm, no foul. Right?

The problem is that if bullies get away with these types of games, they’ll only escalate it until it gets out of control. And once bullying gets out of control, it’s almost impossible to stop or even slow down.

Again, it’s time to throw up those dukes! Remember not to doubt yourself and what you know and feel. And you always know when something is done on purpose. You can sense these kinds of things.

Signs Verbal Abuse will Turn Physical: Like any other form of abuse, Bullying will only get worse if you don’t act.

Understand that bullying, or any form of abuse, always- always gets worse if you let it slide. Because it’s a dark part of human nature to push, push, and push further to see how far one can go.

Again, tune into your body and intuition. In other words, listen to your gut. Why? Because your gut will tell you if what the person did to you was deliberate or an accident.

If your senses tell you they did it on purpose, call it out and ask them to stop it right away. If that doesn’t work and the bully keeps it up, it might be time to throw down. But, whatever you do, put a stop to it because it’ll only get worse if you don’t.

4. They begin threatening physical violence.

This is a surefire sign that verbal bullying is about to escalate to fists. If a bully starts threatening to “kick your butt,” believe them. Take it seriously. And be prepared to defend yourself. Don’t back down and don’t turn your back on them. Why?

Because bullies don’t fight fair, they will attack you from behind the minute you turn your back and walk away.

And if they get in your face, they are violating your personal space. Moreover, it means that they want to get close enough to attack physically. So, don’t hesitate to punch their lights out.

Never doubt what you feel. Trust it!

Many victims of bullying hesitate to act because they don’t trust their instincts. They question their own instincts. “Is he really about to attack me, or is he only trying to scare me?”

The trick is to trust your gut. It picks up on the other person’s energy. If your gut tells you that the person wants to hit you, it is probably right.

Signs Verbal Bullying will Turn Physical:

In conclusion

To defend yourself, you must pay attention and trust your instincts. Look for these signs. And if you see them, you must do whatever it takes to contain the threat. And if that means hitting first, then do it.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

 This post is all about the signs Verbal bullying will Turn PHYSICAL so that you can be ready for when the bully attacks you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Verbal Bullying

2. Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

3.  How to Deal with Physical Bullies

4. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

5. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying