How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal

April 25, 2025April 24, 2025Leave a comment

‘Want to know exactly how to document bullying? Here are all the things you need to record in your bullying journal if you even have trouble with bullies.

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you at school or at work, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly how to document bullying and all the things you need to write down so that you can have admissible evidence handy to present in court or at the company tribunal.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will better be able to prove bullying and cover yourself should you ever need to take legal action or appear before a tribunal at work. Moreover, documentation is also the best thing to present before the school board if you’re bullied in school.

This post is all about how to document bullying so that you know exactly what to include in your bullying journal and write about it in a neat and organized manner.

How to Document Bullying

It is your responsibility to gather evidence that your classmates or coworkers are bullying you. Why do I say this?

Because, chances are that no one is coming to rescue you. Even if you report bullying to school staff or HR, it’s likely they won’t help you. In fact, they may hurt you in the long run. Why?

Because, although they may be in a position to help you, is doesn’t mean they will. If nothing else, remember this. Most people only have their own interests in mind. Therefore, you must be the one to gather your evidence.

Again, the responsibility is on you. No one else! Where targets and victims of bullying mess up is when they rely on others to investigate bullying. This is a grave mistake!

Why Document Bullying?

Bullying, especially psychological and emotional bullying, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not want to help you. There are several reasons why people who are in a position to help bullying victims often don’t.

Moreover, if you’re a teenager being bullied by a teacher at your high school, you especially need to document it! In other words, keep a log of the bullying.

There are six reasons why you should document bullying.

1. Bullies are master seducers.

In other words, they’re charming and alluring to others. Bullies are experts at sucking up to authority. Therefore, it’s likely that those in power will let the bullies off the hook.

Also, if your bullies are star performers and get high marks, they’ll use that as leverage. For instance, if school bullies excel academically, the school will likely protect them and blame you. Why? Because the bullies make the school look good.

Therefore, it takes more than simply reporting incidences of bullying to members of authority. Why? Because, in most cases, they will only rebuff and blame you.

These are only a few reasons why you must keep a journal if bullies begin targeting you.

Many bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. We call this the halo effect. The Halo Effect is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

A bullying journal helps you to keep a log of the abuse.

Bullies are slick! They are experts at deceiving authority and making you look like the bad guy.

Therefore, journals are the best way for victims to protect themselves. When you keep a bullying journal, you establish a pattern of bullying that is believable. Moreover, you also provide evidence to present in court if you decide to go the legal route.

Keeping a journal may be risky. However, I still urge you to keep one if you have bullies on your tail.

I’d also advise you to keep your journal safe at home. Never take it to work or school with you. Why? Because bullies are known for plundering through your belongings.

Therefore, you risk them finding it and snooping through it. So, keep it home and write about any of the day’s bullying events as soon as you get home, while your memory of it is still fresh. The sooner you write about it, the better.

2. How to Document Bullying:

Bullies are convincing liars and actors.

They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with you. Therefore, they strip you of support and isolate you until you have no one to turn to for help.

For instance, let’s say that your bully won’t leave you alone. They keep pushing your buttons until they finally get a highly emotional reaction from you. Your bully will then weaponize your reaction while putting on a calm and collected demeanor in front of authority members.

This is why people in authority almost always side with the bully. Because they see your emotional response while the bully displays false coolness.

How do bullies weaponize your reaction? Simple. They point out your perfectly normal emotional reaction and take it out of context. They then twist everything to suit their narrative.

As a result, they successfully convince everyone that you’re the instigator. Moreover, they make you look unstable, overly dramatic, or too sensitive.

3. They Play the Victim

Another thing bullies do is cry those crocodile tears and play like they’re the victim. Therefore, those in authority will likely shift the blame onto you and protect the bullies.

Understand that seasoned bullies are master wordsmiths. In other words, they’re good at explaining and rationalizing any bad behavior.

They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, you get the blame, the bullies get off Scot free, and you get punished for their behavior.

4. How to Document Bullying:

Documenting gives you a voice.

In other words, it allows you to have your say when no one else is listening. By documenting the abuse, you can tell you side without others interrupting you or ignoring you.

Moreover, it makes it harder for your bullies or anyone else to trivialize your experiences.

5. It Gives you a legal record of the bullying

For instance, if the bully hurts you badly enough to send you to the hospital, you can use your documentation as proof in court. Why? Because it will show that there was a long pattern of bullying before you got hurt.

Moreover, if you sue for psychological damages, the journal will also prove the bullying that cause you the psychological injuries. Again, documentation is admissible in court.

6. Keeping a journal is cathartic and therapeutic.

It allows you to express the emotions you otherwise couldn’t. Journals cannot trivialize your experiences, nor can they invalidate you in any way.

Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what you tell them.

How do you Document Bullying?

Believe it or not, there is a right way and a wrong way to document bullying. Therefore, we’ll talk about the right way first. The best way to document is to use the 5W Method.

How to Document Bullying:

the 5W Method

1. What

Record in your journal what happened. When you write about it, describe the incident exactly as it unfolded. Include any exchanges of dialogue and by whom.

2. Who

Identify the bullies by writing down their full names. If necessary, include their titles and positions. Also, include the names, titles, and positions of any bystanders and witnesses.

If there were any teachers or supervisors present, add their names, titles and positions as well. They may not want to provide any testimonies. Also, they may even deny seeing the bullying attack.

However, if you document correctly, your bullying journal will expose them for the liars and cowards they are.

3. When

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where

You must include where the incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, parking lot, etc.)

5. Why

Write down why it happened. For example, was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?. Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Moreover, if you need to, also describe how the incident happened.

Again, you owe it to yourself to document the bullying if you’ve tried talking about it and no one will listen to you.

What not to include in your journal

Pay attention to the quality of your documentation. Also, make sure you write everything neatly and legibly. You don’t want writing that isn’t easy to read.

Don’t be vague. Here are examples of vague statements in documentation.

“Her words made me feel hurt and embarrassed.”
“He assaulted me.” This is why detailed documenting is so crucial.

Always write everything down in the tiniest details possible. And no hearsay. In other words, none of the “he said, she said” stuff. Ever!

If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, it’s best not to record it. Only record your own experiences.

In closing, if people are bullying you, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have documentation of it. Documentation gets more credit than spoken words.

Why? Because when victims use the spoken word to describe what they’ve experienced, they can become emotional and end up rambling. And it will hurt you more than it will help.

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must be proactive and document! It’s truly the best defense there is!

This post is all about how to document bullying so that you can have the best evidence if you ever need to prove a case of bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

2. Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

3. Why Bullying Goes Unpunished: 7 Reasons to Stand Up for Yourself

bullying and personal responsibility at work

Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to be Responsible for Your Own Safety

April 24, 2025April 23, 2025Leave a comment

‘Want to know about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety? Here are all the reasons you must know about.

Bullying and personal responsibility go hand in hand when victims and targets defend themselves against bullying. Why? Because they’re taking responsibility for their safety.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety instead of relying too much on someone coming to rescue you.

Once you learn all these important facts, you will feel free to stand up to bullies on your own if you’ve reported bullying and been ignored.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you can stop depending on people in authority who refuse to help you and take control of the situation.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility

If you’re a target of bullying, you have every right to be angry. Your bullies have slowly, over time, stolen your life from you.

Moreover, they have brainwashed you into believing that you aren’t worthy of respect, love, or friendship. Moreover, they’ve sabotaged your ability to get a date and of having happiness and success.

In essence, they have psychologically and maybe even physically bludgeoned you. They may have even taken away your opportunities by the lies and rumors they spread to keep you down.

Bullies not only sabotage you relationships, they also wreak havoc on your opportunities and life-chances. They turn everyone against you. Moreover, these are people who would otherwise be good friends and associates.

Your bullies have sucked the life out of you. As a result, you’ve become a shell of your former self. All because your bullies have held you emotionally hostage for so many years

You’ve tried many time to report the bullying. However, most of the people who have the power to help you refuse to listen to you.

These people could be your teachers, principal, supervisor, or your HR manager. Whoever they are, they don’t want to help you. Or worse, they may have sided with the bullies and blamed you.

Therefore, isn’t it time that you got pissed and took your life back? Of course it is! However, you must use the anger constructively.

You see? Bullies are waiting for you to screw up. They know that sometimes, it’s too easy to do or say something out of emotion. And it can get you into a ton of trouble.

That’s what your bullies are looking for. Therefore, they push your buttons in hopes that you will react by doing/saying something foolish. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

1. No one else is coming to rescue you. Your safety is on you.

Life is but a vapor and we only get one chance in this world. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to make that chance count.

If bullies make a derogatory statement to you. It’s up to you to counter that statement. Therefore, start today by countering every negative statement your bullies may throw at you.

Tell yourself that you are awesome. Also, tell yourself that you’re a trooper and you deserve much better than the shit people have been giving you.

Become a force to be reckoned with. Stand up and let these confidence thieves know that they have no control over your life and they no longer have an effect on you. Reclaim your power and do it NOW!

If you’re a victim of bullying, can you truly and totally rely on people in authority to help you? Can you rely on them to do something about the bullying you suffer?

Moreover, can you depend on them to hold your bullies accountable for their horrible behavior? Can you rely on others to bring you justice?

The answer is a resounding NO!

2. You cannot legislate bullying out of Bullies.

In other words, you cannot pass laws against it and think that it will go away. Passing laws against bullying will get a lot of innocent victims of it in trouble.

I used to be all about laws against bullying. And yes, the idea sounds great. I won’t pretend it doesn’t.

However, I’m beginning to gravitate away from making bullying a crime. Why? Because most people aren’t going to protect targets until it happens to them or one of theirs.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

3. Anti-Bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on.

You cannot rely too much on policies. Why? Because they have no teeth!

Schools and workplaces, can write all the anti-bullying rules and policies they want. But, until they enforce those policies, they’re only as cheap as the ink and paper administrators use to make them.

In other words, what good are laws and policies if these entities don’t enforce them? And, at what point do we stop relying on the system to protect us and begin protecting ourselves?

Understand that, no matter what anyone says, you don’t have to put up with anyone else’s crap. Therefore, it’s up to you to stand up to bullies and do it properly.

And if defending yourself doesn’t work, you have the option to remove yourself from the situation and environment.

We Must Learn to Take Care of Ourselves

Here’s another reason I’m gravitating away from making bullying a crime. It’s because most seasoned bullies have ways of making innocent targets look like the bullies.

Therefore, if lawmakers make bullying an imprison-able crime, many innocent targets would end up behind bars. Because, again, bullies, especially those with NPD, have a flare for flipping the script and, very convincingly, painting their victim as the bad guy.

Too many targets have been conditioned to think that self-defense is wrong. It isn’t!

And the people who condition these victims are often bullies themselves. Therefore, if bullies target you for bullying, you must know your enemies. You must do a lot of study and research on bullies, then use the knowledge you gain to outmaneuver them.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Do Your Own Investigation

Also, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. That means detailed documentation.

Moreover, you may need to use the last resort and bust the bully in the mouth if all else fails and the bully tries to physically attack you. It’s the only way you can effectively defend yourself.

Remember! Most school officials, parents and even law enforcement don’t realize the daily horrors that victims endure.

Moreover, bullies are slick! They are experts at deceiving authority and making their victims looks like the guilty party.

It takes more than simply reporting incidences of bullying to school staff and authorities. Why? Because in most cases, people in power will only rebuff or blame you for the torment.

These are only a few reasons why it is so important that you keep a daily journal if you are ever targeted by bullies.

You Must Document Every Bullying Incident in Detail.

In other words, keep a daily journal and write down what happened in full detail. Moreover, when you write about it, use the 5W Method.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

What is the 5W Method?

When you use the 5W Method, you record what, who, when, where, and why. Sometimes, you must also record how it happened. The trick is to write down every detail you can.

Using the 5W Method helps you do that.

1. What

Write down what happened… in detail. Describe the attack exactly as it happened. Also, do it while it’s still fresh in your memory.

2. Who

Write down the names of the bullies – the people involved in the attack. Moreover, record the names of any bystanders and witnesses. These people will be anyone who is present when your bullies attack you.

3. When

Jot down the exact time, date when the provocation occurred.

4. Where

Write down the place the altercation occurred. For example, if the bullying attack happened at school, did it happen in the bathroom?

If so, write down that you were in the bathroom when it happened.

5. Why

If your bully attacked you because you reported a prior bullying incident, write that down. This is super important!

**6. If need be, write down how it happened.**

The more details you can give, the better!

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

**Record every Bullying incident, no matter how subtle.**

Do this with every incident that takes place. Leave nothing out! Even if the attacks are seen as minor, such as snickering when you you walk in the room, you must still record it in your journal.

I can’t stress this enough- keep very detailed records of any taunts, threats and altercations no matter how small they may seem.

Journals are the best way for victims to protect themselves. Also, they’re admissible in court. Therefore, you’ll have a record to present to a judge if you need to take legal action.

When I was in school, I kept a journal of the bullying I suffered and I still have some of the material today. In fact, it helped me to write my book, “From Victim to Victor” and tell the story of how I was bullied by my classmates.

Keep your Bullying Journal Private.

This is a must! Bullies are notorious for snooping through their victim’s belongings. Also, they’ll destroy your property. Therefore, keep your journal at home and write in it as soon as you get home.

This should go without saying, you certainly wouldn’t want the wrong people to find it. Because, if they do, your bullies will destroy your evidence. Also, they will retaliate against you for having it in the first place.

Again, keep it at home!

Wear a Body Camera or Keep a Digital Recorder on you and record the bullying.

If the laws in your state allow, record the bullying in real time. Body cameras are best but if you only have a digital audio recorder, you can use it.

However, I would suggest that you check the laws of your state first. If you live in a one-party consent state, you’re free to record.

However, if you live in a two-party consent state. Don’t do it. If you do, your bullies and your school or company can come back and sue you for violation of privacy laws.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Save any mean or threatening emails, Texts, social media posts, comments, or private messages on three or more different thumb Drives.

If bullies bully you at school or work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in different places. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping around.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened and you want to take precautions.

In Conclusion

You are responsible for your safety. When you suffer bullying, it’s up to you to do your own investigation and gather your own evidence.

The last thing you should do is depend on anyone else. Report the bullying, yes. However, if the school or company doesn’t do anything about it. Then, you must do what you have to do to build your own case.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you’ll know exactly what to do if you ever encounter bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

April 23, 2025April 19, 202511 Comments

If you’re being bullied, do you want to know how to go about using your enemy’s attacks against them? Here are all the defense tactics you need to know about.

Using your enemy’s attacks against them is the most strategic thing you can do when you’re being bullied.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly how to do this so that you can better defend yourself against bullying.

Once you learn all about these important tips, you’ll be a force to be reckoned with and your bullies likely won’t bother you anymore.

This post is all about using your enemy’s attacks against them so that you can emerge a winner and live in peace.

Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them

You may not think so. But there are ways you can use your enemy’s attacks against them when you’re dealing with bullies. So, how do you do that?

There are several ways.

1. Drag them out.

What do I mean by this?

When they attack you with insults, you simply say, “That’s your opinion,” or “Opinions vary.” When you do this, you will only force the bullies to repeat the attacks over and over again. In other words, you force them drag out the insults until they sound boring to any bystanders.

I won’t kid you. This technique won’t be an easy thing to do. Any time you’re attacked, your first instinct will be to jab back with attacks of your own.

However, this will only proves ineffective. And it’ll pull you down to your bullies’ level.

This method works wonders in cases of school bullying. It can be effective in the workplace too. However, it’s much harder and usually takes much longer to have an effect on the job.

Why? Because adults are more tenacious. Also, they’re much stealthier with their bullying than schoolkids are. Therefore, again, this strategy works much better in the school environment.

2. Respond but don’t react.

Respond, yes. But react, no.

And how you respond is with short comebacks like those above. Then walk away and leave the bullies standing there, running their mouths and looking foolish.

Why? Because bullies want you to react. In other words, they want you to attack them back with name-calling, yelling and cursing. Therefore, the trick is to not give them the response they want.

When you refuse to give them the response they want , their natural reactions will be to repeat, repeat, repeat like a broken record.

In other words, you force the bullies to repeat the same attacks until they get so old and stale that bystanders get so sick of hearing it that they no longer pay attention to it.

In deploying this neat little method, you expose the bullies’ fakery. Also, you draw attention to the childishness of their attacks.

In that, you expose the weakness of the bullies’ position, which they stupidly think is their strength. Therefore, instead of turning their “audience” against you, your bullies end up alienating them.

Why? Because the bullies end up boring the hell out of any bystanders. And why not? They’ve heard the same tired insults for too long.

3. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them:

Use their emotions against them- hypersensitivity

Bullies are the most hypersensitive people you’ll ever meet. Ha! And they say that you’re too sensitive? Oh yes! Bullies will accuse you of being what they themselves are.

But have you noticed how they explode in anger and indignation over the smallest of perceived slights? Or how bullies, particularly female bullies, will be the ones who dissolve into a puddle of tears if someone even looks at them cross-ways, or says something hurtful to them!

Or worse, they get held accountable for their bad behavior? I saw this happen at school on several occasions and I’ve got to admit, it was hilarious!

In truth, bullies have the sensitivity of the princess in the classic, “The Princess and the Pea.”

The double-standard is clear. It’s funny how bullies feel intense resentment when you speak out about their abuse. Yet, they feel entitled to do things that are a thousand times worse, not to mention, unspeakable, to you.

But we are not supposed to talk about that. Right?

Actions speak louder than words. Therefore, you need to rely less on words and more on others’ actions and behavior. That way, you can get answers to any questions you have about bullies, abusers, or anyone who does not have your best interests in mind.

4. Weaponize your bullies’ triggers.

Here’s how you expose the bullies for the brutes they are. Use their own tactics against them! How you do this is to find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage.

And why not? They’ve been doing the same to you for a long time now, haven’t they? As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive.

And I know it’s not a pleasant place to be. It sucks! But sometimes, you must wade through crap to come out clean on the other side.

Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them:

Here’s how you do it!

1. Get the bullies in public.

In other words, get them in front of coworkers and supervisors, or classmates and teachers. Then very sneakily do something you know will trigger them.

For instance, you could look at them and smile as if you know something they don’t. This is a good way to bait them into a reaction.

Then, you can stand back and watch with pleasure as your bullies yell, scream and curse. Moreover, you can enjoy seeing the “what the hell” look on the faces of any bystanders.

And you’ll laugh to yourself as your bullies expose themselves in front of everyone.

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction, record the outburst, and if you’re sure it’s safe, blast it all over social media.

2. Befriend others your bullies have bullied.

Befriending others the bullies have harmed also has a way of getting under their skin. Bullies hate it when you talk to people they hate as much as they do you.

Also, they especially hate it when their targets unite and form a group! That really ticks them off!

Why? Because, deep down, it intimidates them. Think about it. Bullies always run in packs and they catch their targets when they’re alone.

But when a group of victims ban together, the bullies feel threatened because they lose power. Remember that strength comes in numbers. And numbers scare the hell out of bullies.

In fact, they put them on the defense.

5. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them:

Trick your bullies into coming after you.

This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. Play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited.

In other words, get your bullies to reach to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that you force your bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking that they’re controlling the situation.

However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm.

Calmness always equals the ability to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

Also, when you do get your bullies to come for you, always get them on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get them on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive. Why? Because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. Moreover, they won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

When you bait your bullies, make your bait so sweet that they can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary. This works especially if they’re so pissed at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.”

Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are. Moreover, the angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you. And the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose… right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

But do it with caution, of course.

And if you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, you’ve already won. To quote Sun Tsu, “Never interfere when an enemy is destroying themselves.”

Exposure is the best way to conquer bullies! So, out them! Better yet, trick them into outing themselves!

This post was all about using your enemy’s attacks against them so that you can expose your bullies without them realizing it and save yourself from future bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

2. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

3. Bullies Have Enemies: 3 Ways to Use It to Your Advantage

Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

April 22, 2025April 17, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know what bystanders to bullying do when they see you getting bullied? Here are all the details you need to know about.

Bystanders can be the difference of whether the bullying lessens or worsens. Sadly, most bystanders either refuse to help you if you suffer bullying, or they join in.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bystanders to bullying and why they side with bullies.

Once you learn all about this information, you will not only be able to call out bystanders who band with bullies, you will be better equipped with the knowledge to defend yourself.

This post is all about bystanders to bullying and why most choose to either watch from the sidelines or join in the torment.

Bystanders to bullying

There are many reasons witness to bullying may join the bullies in tormenting you. Here are the most common reasons they do this.

1. Group-think

Excessive group-think is the accepted norm nowadays. Moreover, it’s like that everywhere -in school, at work, on the street, everywhere!

A moderate amount of it is only human nature. Why? Because it’s how we conform to rules and laws. Also, it provides stability for a community.

However, excessive group-think is unhealthy, even dangerous! It’s how cults, dictatorships, and totalitarian states get started.

An example of group-think is, “if everyone else is doing it, I want to do it too.” It’s herd mentality at play.

Therefore, when there’s a culture of bullying in a school or in a workplace, people who would not typically bully, will. And they’ll do it simply because everyone is doing it. So, they think they should get in on it too.

It’s definitely like that in schools and workplaces and has been for decades. Do you wonder why people you thought were friends suddenly and without warning turn on you?

It’s because they are followers. They want to follow the crowd. Therefore, they’ll join in on bullying you to jump on the bandwagon.

These bystanders use you to get in with the cool kids. They want to feel like one of the big guys.

I can remember in high school, most of the other kids and a few teachers shared this toxic group behavior. Again, this happens everywhere.

2. Bystanders to Bullying:

Social Contagion

Why Not? Everybody Else is Bullying Her!

Peer pressure is the best motivator. I look back now and realize that most of my classmates were only drones to the clique. In other words, they were one big herd of sheep.

They were slaves to the prospect of getting in good with “one of the cool kids” or “the ‘Good Ole Boy” network.

‘You see? Bullies are nothing but two-faced hypocrites. They talk out both sides of their mouths, holding you to a double standard.

In other words, they pretend to be something they aren’t and never cab be. Authenticity, being yourself, and free thought and expression are all punishable offenses to bullies. Why?

Because they make everything about appearances. Moreover, bystanders defend people based on whose butt they want to kiss. Remember that most bystanders want move up the social ladder.

Therefore, they’ll mostly side with bullies because, sadly, bullies have the power to give them higher social status. This is how bystanders become secondary bullies.

Bullies, themselves, are also suck-ups. Many pathetically suck up to authority members they secretly can’t stand because they think it’ll score brownie points. And often, it does.

Also, secondary bullies take plenty of degradation from the bullies at the top to fit in and look popular. Again, secondary bullies are usually bystanders who watch your bullies bully you and join in.

And hose who don’t join in will likely refuse to help you.

3. To Get in with the Big Shots

For example, back when I was in school, I knew many bystanders who become secondary bullies, hoping it would win him higher status. He was the son of one of the teachers at school.

Very few of the top bullies liked this wuss. In fact, hardly anyone liked him, yet he would lick the right boots hungrily to get the so-called privilege of hanging with them.

It didn’t matter to him if they were only tolerating him. It was so pathetic I couldn’t hate the boy. All I could do was pity him.

On other occasions, I would see one of the popular girls drop a textbook, a pencil, anything. I would then watch the kids around her scramble, some taking a nosedive to the floor to pick it up for her and laugh as I walked by.

Whoever puts on the most convincing front is usually rewarded with high social status. Moreover, not only the other classmates but many teachers and school staff reward them.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Ways Bystanders suck up to Bullies

Many use fake sympathy, bogus compliments and, incessant butt-kissing. And it’s not because they like and respect these higher-ups. No.

The reason bystanders kiss their asses is to get something from them.

They also use false flattery and toxic conformity. And most of the time, it works. It makes the bullies puffed up and overconfident. Also, it yields immense social benefits for all the wannabes.

Therefore, they maintain the status quo of ritualistic bullying of those they deem socially unfit.

Most bullies have narcissism. Also, they struggle with low self-esteem. Therefore, they’re like tires with slow leaks. Their followers must continuously air them up with fake compliments and false admiration to keep them from going flat.

4. To Boot-Lick for Approval

Thirsty for attention and praise, the bullies at the top surround themselves with weak wannabes. They need boot-lickers and yes-people to feed their hungry egos and tell them what they want to hear.

Sadly, most bystanders are more than happy to do it if it has a chance of rewarding them with high popularity and favors.

The high-status bullies expect everyone to think like them, dress like them and be like them. Moreover, they expect all the underlings to agree with them.

And they follow obediently, in lock-step. On the other hand, they target those who do their own thing and like being themselves.

5. Bystanders to Bullying:

Because Everyone Else is Doing it.

We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves.

We put our best foot forward to impress others. Moreover, we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it.

Most people give the illusion that they’re a hot item. Why? Because they instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to. Moreover, they’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; people tend to do what they think everyone else is doing. In other words, they strive to follow the pack or join the bandwagon. They want to get in on the next big thing.

Whether it’s a new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others, most people want to be a part of it.

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena.

Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. This crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool.

In fact, it might be the opposite but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everyone else thinks they are. They want to be seen with them. Therefore, so do you.

Again, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

Consequently, if everyone else is bullying you, total strangers who have never met you will try it too. Even your so-called friends will also try to bully you.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Group Behavior

Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd! Therefore, if bullying you is the happening thing, other people will want to join in.

However, know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you. And it doesn’t mean that you somehow deserve the mistreatment.

What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.

In group settings, bullying you becomes a ritual with them. In other words, it’s the in-thing to do at your school or your place of employment.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare. And the better you prepare, the better you can defend yourself.

Therefore, continue to stand strong even if you must stand alone. Defend yourself against these wackos, no matter what.

They may not change their behavior. However, you’ll feel better just knowing you saw these creeps for who they are and stood up to them.

This post is all about why bystanders to bullying join your bullies and how you should see them for the kind of people they are.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

April 21, 2025April 17, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know all about confident body language and all the ways you can look confident even if you don’t necessarily feel confident? Here are all the tips and tricks you need to know about.

Confidence looks great on anybody! Even you! Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about confident body language and ways to look like you just won a million bucks!

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will not only look but feel better! Moreover, your magnetism will skyrocket!

This post is all about confident body language and ways to look confident so that you not only give your self-esteem a boost but your charisma too. And the best part is that you’ll less likely look like bully-bait!

Confident Body Language

The look of confidence can be the difference between being badass or being bullied. But before we talk about body language that make you look confident, let’s talk about the body language you should avoid.

5 Body Language Mistakes You Should Avoid

Bullies are always on the hunt for targets. Therefore, they look for signs in a potential target that screams “victim.” But, how do they do this?

Bullies will study your body language first and foremost. They also notice your emotional reactions to certain things.

In other words, they watch how you handle conflict and adversity. Here are all the negative body language moves and ways to correct them.

1. Lack of Eye-contact (Looking down or away)

Lack of eye-contact signals either dishonesty, or a lack of confidence. This is exactly what bullies look for.

Many victims of bullying get nervous in social situations. This is understandable.

When people have bullied you for long enough, you no longer feel safe in social interactions. Therefore, you’ll often avoid them altogether.

A little nervousness is normal. However, when you’re nervous to the point of avoiding eye-contact with others, bullies may notice.

As a result, they’ll peg you as a victim. Also, even people who aren’t necessarily bullies may mistake you for being deceptive.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to relax and look others in the eye when socializing. Realize that not everything is about you.

Make the interaction about the other person or people in the conversation. Smile. Act confident.

Yes, acting confident may seem fake. However, personal experience has taught me that if you act confident, you will soon feel confident.

And confidence is the best way to get through any social situation. Also, it lessens your chances of attracting bullies.

2. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

submissive body language

This includes poor posture, such as slouching and hunching down. Also, people-pleasing is another form of submission.

Behaviors such as shying away from saying what you want to say and not seeking to achieve your needs are forms of people-pleasing.

You must stop this behavior right now. Begin standing and sitting up straight. Stop trying to please other people. Instead, start achieving your own needs for a change.

Remember that you deserve, just as much as the next person, to have your needs and wants met. Therefore, start working toward your own goals. And to hell with the rest of them if they don’t like it.

3. self-protective behaviors (closed body-language)

Crossing of the arms in front of you and crossing your legs are both self-protective behaviors. So are hunkering down into the shoulders and hiding the neck.

Bullies will instantly notice this behavior from a mile away and think, “fresh meat!” when they see it.

Instead, open up and allow yourself to take up some space. Lengthen your neck and hold your head high. Relax. Always relax!

4. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

Having a Sheepish Look On Your Face

That includes downcast eyes, holding your head down, and looking bashful. Again, hold your head high.

Look people in the eye and smile. I guarantee you they will appreciate it when you do and think more highly of you.

5. trying to stay motionless to avoid drawing attention

This almost always gets you opposite results. Staying motionless won’t keep you from drawing attention. It just might get you the wrong attention- from bullies.

Therefore, you must move freely and I’m going to say it again… relax!

You must watch your body language if you don’t want bullies to spot you as a potential target. In fact, it’s the most important thing you can do.

If you catch yourself looking down, correct this by looking people in the eye or looking ahead. If it’s slouching you find yourself doing, sit up straight.

And keep doing this until it becomes second nature, no matter how long it takes. Why? Because body language speaks louder than words ever will.

Moreover, not only should you mind your own body language, you should also watch the bullies’ nonverbal cues as well.

11 Confident Body Language Cues

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer.

Even worse, people will see it in your everyday body language. You won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying. Why? Because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse.

In other words, the victim’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason most victims have very few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, others can spot insecurity a mile away. And it makes it difficult to attract healthy people into your life.

You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, human nature dictates that healthy people stay away from those who have low self-esteem.

If you aren’t confident, you’ll attract predators. And these people will only pretend to be your friends to exert control over your life and get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles and closed body language make you appear unapproachable.

Confident Body Language:

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not your fault. It is just something that happens after you’ve endured abuse for so long. However, here’s the good news!

Confident body language is something that you can learn. Moreover, it’s something you can teach yourself and practice.

And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life. Also, you’ll begin to repel bullies and other human predators.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to Look Confident and instantly win friends.

1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them. Also, it shows that you’re open to friendships.

Moreover, it conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! On the other hand, a fake smile is easy to spot and a major turn-off.

It only repels people and invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than they help.

2. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you are genuinely interested in them. It also shows respect.

People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye.

Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

3. Confident Body Language:

Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching, only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose.

Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand. Feet should be shoulder-width apart, with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist.

This also signals confidence. Again, confidence keeps bullies away. When a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power!

And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

4. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward the person you’re speaking to.

Also, look them in the eye when. When you do all this combined, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

5. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space.

Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

6. Confident Body Language:

Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement.

Therefore, it’s a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

7. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

8. Relax.

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense.

Not only does it weird people out, it sends the message that you might be trying to hide something!

Therefore, always relax around others. Having relaxed body language conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself.

Moreover, it shows that you’re confident about them too. It signals trust. Therefore, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

9. Confident Body Language:

Hold your head up.

Holding your head down or looking down conveys low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Therefore, always hold your head high. Doing this says confidence and others notice.

Look like you feel good about yourself and your attitude will soon align with it.

10. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you want to go elsewhere. In other words, it says that you don’t want to be with the person.

Now, some people don’t think about the feet. However, those who are the most aware of body language cues will.

Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them – that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

11. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as insincere.

As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cues are in line with your verbal ones.

This post was all about confident body language so that you can not only keep bullies away but attract healthy people and friendships.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. Confidence vs Arrogance

3. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

Outsmarting Bullies: 3 Clever Ways that Expose Them

April 20, 2025April 10, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know all about outsmarting bullies so you can expose them in less obvious ways? Here are all the details you need to know about.

You can outsmart a bully. However, sometimes, you must think outside the box and get creative to do it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the best ways of outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them without looking like you’re exposing them.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to draw your bullies out in the open and protect yourself from them.

Outsmarting Bullies

Sometimes, you must outfox them by drawing them out in the open. For instance, many bullies will pretend to be your friend just so they can get close enough to subtly attack you.

Let’s explain further.

1. To Draw Fake People Out into the Open, Make yourself Appear Weak and Powerless.

You may think you know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to you. However, most people aren’t who they make you think they are.

Therefore, in life, there will be fakers and imposter. There will be people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends.

These people will latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they’ll get close enough to you to figure out everything about you.

They’ll find all your soft spots. In fact, they’ll ferret out your intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams.

Once they have all these thing about you, they’ll will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Moreover, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do. Why? Because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Drawing an enemy out requires unshakeable confidence.

What do I mean by this? Here it is.

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks.

This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person in your life.

‘You see? When people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. Therefore, to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all.

In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much safer to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated. Moreover, it feels bad when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. However, trust me on this.

Outsmarting Bullies:

You never find out who people really are until you’re at your lowest point.

Only when you’re at your lowest do you find out who’s really in your corner.

So, again, if you can make everyone think that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves. Moreover, some will be people you’d never expect.

And you don’t realize who your enemies are until the shit hits the fan.

Any time you appear at your weakest, not only will your enemies reveal themselves, they’ll be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly!

Why will these people will be so open with their dirt? It’s because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

However, realize that this is the only way you can get rid of all the dead weight. You do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully.

Therefore, if you do this right, you can ensure your peace of mind in the future. In that, you can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals.

More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

Therefore, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, make yourself appear weak and down and out. Then watch what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Moreover, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are.

You’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of history.

2. Fake a surrender to bullies to trick them into leaving you alone.

Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes! Or, at least, make it look like you’re surrendering to them!

In life, there are times when you should pick and choose our battles. In other words, you must decide when to fight back and when to leave well enough alone.

This is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful. Why? Because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll throw them off balance.

Moreover, you’ll enrage them because they were looking for a fight and they were so sure they’d get one. But they didn’t get it.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Don’t fight a battle you can’t win.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you make it look like you surrender, you give yourself time to recuperate and subtly torture and irritate your bullies.

You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. You can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies aren’t so strong.

Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

Therefore, you don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency. You do it to fool them into thinking they’ve won.

Understand that bullies continually try to show dominance and superiority. Therefore, if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them for the time being satisfies them. Moreover, it makes them feel powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction.

And they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

3. Bait and trigger your bullies.

This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. In other words, play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited.

Get your bullies to react to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that it forces the bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking they’re controlling the situation.

However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm.

Calmness allows you to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Lure your bullies to your territory or to neutral ground.

When you get your bullies to come for you, always get them on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get them on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive. Why? Because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. They won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

Make your bait so sweet that your bullies can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary. Do this especially if they’re so pissed off at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.”

Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are.

Moreover, the angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you. Also, the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose. And you’ll lead them right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

But do it with caution.

If you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, you’ve already won. To quote Sun Tsu, “Never interfere when an enemy is destroying themselves.”

Weaponize Your Bullies’ Triggers

The trick is to use your bullies’ tactics against them! How you do this is to find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage.

And why not? They’ve been doing the same to you for a long time now, haven’t they? As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive.

I know this isn’t a pleasant place to be. It sucks! But sometimes, you must wade through crap to come out clean on the other side.

Outsmarting Bullies:

So, how do you weaponize your bullies’ triggers?

1. Get them in public.

In other words, get them in front of coworkers and supervisors, or classmates and teachers. Then very sneakily do something you know will trigger them.

Bait them into a reaction. Then stand back and watch with pleasure as the bully yells, screams, curses, and exposes themselves in front of everyone.

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction, record the outburst, and if you’re sure it’s safe, blast it all over social media.

2. Befriend others they have bullied (preferably people who’ve been fired or no longer have any contact with the bullies).

Then have them spread it all over social media. Give the bully the reputation they so deserve. Befriending others the bullies has harmed has a way of getting under their skin.

Bullies hate it when you talk to people they hate. Also, they especially hate it when all their victims unite and form a group!

This really ticks them off because, deep down, it intimidates them. Think about it, bullies always run in packs and they catch you when you’re alone.

However, when a group of target victims ban together, the bullies feel threatened. Why? Because they lose power.

Exposure is the best way to conquer bullies! So, out them! Better yet, trick them into outing themselves!

This post is all about outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them for the creeps they are and, at the same time, protect yourself from them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

Set Your Own Standards: Never Conform to a Bully’s.

April 19, 2025April 7, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know how to set your own standards and how to keep from conforming to a bully’s standards? Here’s all the information you need to know about.

A bully’s standards are unachievable. No matter what you do, who you are, or what you have; bullies will always move the goalposts. So, what do you do?

In this post, you will learn why it’s always best to set your own standards. Also, you’ll learn to never try to live up to a bully’s standards.

Once you learn all about these facts, you will no longer waste your time and energy tying to reach your bullies’ cookie-cutter versions of perfection. Instead you will be confident in your own way of life.

This post is all about the reasons you should set your own standards so that you will be yourself and be confident about refusing to follow anyone else’s lead.

Set Your Own Standards

Bullies change the rules just to find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.

Therefore, you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.

Don’t change the way you dress, your interests, etc.

Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress.

Moreover, it’s not about your hair, makeup, your attire, hobbies, favorite music, your family, or anything they make fun of. No!

‘Want to know what it’s about?

Its about power and control.

It’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself. Also, it’s about taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.

Therefore, don’t give them that power.

Set Your Own Standards:

Don’t change your personality.

We all have quirks. Therefore, never change your personality. Continue to be yourself.

Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow. Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking.

So, understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval. And you know what?

You don’t need their approval.

Just continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.

Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you.

Therefore, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations. They don’t know you the way you do. Realize that you’re a separate person from them.

Always remember that.

When Bullies Move the Goalposts

Understand that bullies will always judge you and they will do it by default. In other words, they’ll judge you without provocation.

You won’t need to do, wear, or say anything wrong because they will dissect everything until they find something wrong. Moreover, just your mere presence alone will invoke their judgements and attacks.

But know this. The negative suggestions and personal attacks they hurl are strictly to control you. That’s right. They insult you to control you.

Realize that bullies want to make you think, feel, and act the way they want you to. Nothing more. Also, those judgements, insults, and personal attacks come from a place of entitlement.

Therefore, you must realize that your bullies will not be happy with you. And they won’t accept you, no matter what you do.

Any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.

Set Your Own Standards:

Remember! It’s all About Control!

How many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you willing to make before you become exhausted? How long are you willing to shapeshift and bend yourself into a pretzel?

What’s it going to take before you realize that conforming and adapting to their standards of who you should be will never yield the desired results?

You’ll only end up disheartened in the end. Why? Because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. And stop sacrificing your happiness because these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

When you don’t stand up for yourself, others will only see you as an easy person and lose respect for you. The amount of crap you put up with only determines how others treat you in the future.

In other words, you teach people how to treat you by what you do or don’t put up with. And when you conform to the standards of others, you only discard your own standards.

Be Yourself in Every Way!

Isn’t it time you lived up to your own? Isn’t it time you begin living life on your own terms instead of someone else’s?

Your choices, your likes, your preferences, your pleasures, and your happiness should never depend on the permission of another.

Therefore, you must always be yourself. This means that you must have your own opinions, likes, dislikes, and preferences.

Also, you must do the things you love most, no matter what others think. Be yourself in every way!

Set Your Own Standards:

Whose Life Are You Living? Yours or Theirs?

Uh-oh! Here they go again! It seems that every time you as much as blink, someone else has got their honker in your business.

They’re always telling you how you ought to do things. Always dictating how you should act! These creeps even tell you how you should live your life!

These chumps! They have the chutzpah to think they can make your decisions for you. But, let’s face it, the world is full of nosy people.

If you are a target of bullying, you will have others trying to invade your life. Your personal business, and your boundaries are fair game.

And let me tell you, when it seems that no one will let you lead your own life in peace, life can go from enjoyable to unbearable real quick. This is why you must be assertive in cases like this.

Understand that you can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t even try to.

You don’t mind because they don’t matter.

Put simply, the only ones you must live your life for is God, your family, your closest and most trusted friends, and yourself.

Too many people care what the wrong people think of them. The wrong people! In other words, bullies, toxic people and those they don’t like!

Realize that you aren’t living their life, you’re living yours. Therefore, you must make decisions that best fit the situations and circumstances surrounding your life.

Set Your Own Standards:

You must do what’s best for you, not what’s best for them!

You must do what’s best for you, not what’s best for them, or, rather, what others want you to do. Half the time, they don’t even know what they want nor what’s best for them.

So, how can they claim to know what’s best for you if they haven’t a clue what’s best for their own lives?

You must do what makes you healthier, what makes you feel good, and what makes you whole. You must do what fulfills you, not other people. Don’t worry about them.

It’s up to them to make their lives easier and pleasant. It’s not your responsibility. Just the same, it’s up to you to make your life better, it’s not their place to do it.

There will always be others who want to insert their two cents where it isn’t needed. And they’ll be downright abusive about it. They’ll attempt to order you around or deride you over your life-decisions.

You must open your mouth and tell these creeps where to shove it.

There will be those who will try to run your life and you should be prepared for it. But know that when they do this, they’re stepping out of their place. And you have every right to tell them to go kick rocks.

The old, popular 1990’s idiom, “All up in your koolaid and don’t know the flavor” wasn’t coined for nothing. And the sad thing is that most people don’t bother to lend a hand but they’re real quick to point a finger.

Understand that we each have responsibility over our own lives. Therefore, stop trying to spare the feelings of those who insist on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Tell these people to keep their snouts out of your business. Your life is yours to lead, no one else’s. So, stop worrying about what others think and say of you.

They may not like the way you live or think, but that’s their problem, not yours. Your life and the life-choices you make are no one’s business but yours.

So, tell them to kiss your ass and take your power back!

This post is all about why you should set your own standards instead of conforming to a bully’s so that you can take back your power and your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Psychological Conditioning

2. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

Bullying the Disabled: 5 Reasons Bullies Target the Disabled

April 18, 2025April 17, 2025Leave a comment

‘Want to know the reasons why so many people participate in bullying the disabled? If you are disabled or have a loved one who is, knowledge is the first step of defense. Here are the most common reasons you need to know about.

Millions of people with disabilities suffer horrendous bullying every day. It’s bad enough that they must contend with a disability they didn’t ask for. However, it’s much worse when they must face the cruelty of bullies along with it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the most common reasons bullies prefer bullying the disabled people so that you can find out what cowards these people truly are. Moreover, you can use it to give them a dose of their own medicine when you see them target someone with a disability.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to more successfully defend yourself if you fall into this unfortunate category. And if you’re a perfectly healthy person and you see this kind of bullying, you can be an upstander and stand up for the person being bullied.

This post is all about bullying the disabled people and why people target them for cruelty so that you’ll have the knowledge you need to use it against bullies .

Bullying the Disabled

Before we go on, let me tell you that those with disabilities, especially people with mental disabilities, are some of the most resilient people you can find. This is what I’ve discovered.

The Strongest, Purest, and bravest of Souls

…are those with mental disabilities and those with functional needs.

If you’re from my generation, I’m sure you remember the series from the early ’90s, “Life Goes On.”

Therefore, if you remember this television series, then you automatically think of Corky Thatcher. He was the mentally challenged middle child of the Thatcher family, played by Chris Burke.

In fact, he has Down’s Syndrome in real life. Yet, he made it as an actor!

This post isn’t for personal gain. Moreover, chances are that neither Chris Burke nor any of the other cast members or producers will ever read this post.

Therefore, this post is strictly from the heart. Moreover, it’s about something that I’ve noticed on many, many occasions throughout my lifetime.

The Mentally and Intellectually disadvantaged have the purest and sweetest of hearts. However, they live in a world that looks down on them.

They’re the unwanted. People shun, ridicule, and brutalize them all the time. Yet, these angels maintain their smiles and their unconditional kindness.

Moreover, their moral compasses never waiver. They’re innocent, childlike, and have hearts of gold.

Bullying the Disabled:

They Exhibit the Most Resilience

I write books about unsung heroes, who are different and who bullies target daily. But I’ll tell you this:

These courageous, amazing real-life heroes are the best of the human race! I admire their unbreakable will and unshakeable courage.

The mentally disabled have a dogged determination, and amazing ability to keep smiles on their faces even under the most challenging of circumstances!

These are the people who have the fortitude to overcome odds that would be overwhelming to a cast majority of people. And I state this with full conviction.

These beautiful souls also work the lowliest of jobs. In other words, they do jobs that most people think are beneath them. Also, they display the best work ethic, the most dedication, and the most pride in their work. Yet, others treat them the worst and supervisors and coworkers devalue them.

Most Others Don’t Appreciate nor Value Them

These angels have more heart and soul than those who are typical and twice their ages.

You have to wonder how they do it. How do they find the resolve to go up against such tremendous odds every single day?

How do they keep pushing amid jeers, jokes, and cruel insults? Let me remind you. These are situations under which most everyday people would’ve thrown in the towel?

Here’s another reason why I salute the mentally and intellectually challenged. They don’t let on that they even realize it when the rest of the world is showing it’s booty to them.

Moreover, they’re the people who never complain nor feel sorry for themselves. On the other hand, most everyday people only crumble any time life gives them a one-two punch.

Still, people give people with these disabilities the least respect. Others devalue and abuse these people the most- all because they aren’t like them.

Moreover, these are the people who don’t retreat into drugs and alcohol. Instead, they retreat into their work and hobbies. They keep their minds occupied with things that interest them.

Bullying the Disabled:

They Display the Most Talent

I’ve found that these people show the most talent in the arts. Many of them draw and play musical instruments like professionals! Yet, others overlook those talents because of who they belong to!

I don’t claim to know for sure, so I can’t speak for all the mentally and intellectually disabled. However, through my observations over the years, I’ve come to realize this.

Maybe, those with these kinds of disabilities handle adversity with such grace and aplomb is that they’ve accepted it as their normal.

This isn’t to say that they don’t get hurt by it because they have feelings too. Moreover, they have the same desires as everyone else. They want to be loved and accepted for who they are.

We all have the desire to be apart of something and to be included. Humankind is hardwired that way.

But the mentally and intellectually challenged have such a way of bouncing back from years of repeated rejection. They come back to their cheerful selves much quicker! Moreover, they forgive much more readily and easily!

They Forgive the Quickest

That’s what makes them such beautiful souls! They’re the brightest and most brilliant lights in a very dark world! And it will go to their credit and be celebrated in The Afterlife!

Therefore, all I can say to the millions of earth angels is this:

Keep up the good fight! Keep being a shining example to the rest of the world! I love you all!

Bullying The Disabled:

those with Depression and who are neurologically diverse

Bullying disabled people is comparable to racism.

Discrimination is discrimination, and prejudice is prejudice. It doesn’t matter who’s dishing it out or who is receiving it.

Mentally ill people and the mentally disabled are still a minority. In fact, they’re the largest minority in the world. However, they get the least representation. It doesn’t matter their sex, race, religion, or orientation.

You may think that person is mentally imbalanced and they may not be. However, you’re still guilty of discrimination, prejudice, and bias.

Mentally ill people and those who are disabled are favorite targets of bullies.

Here are 5 reasons bullies target those with disabilities.

1. They are different.

It’s a fact that bullies will bully anyone who is different. It’s no different than being a racial minority, a woman, or being an older citizen.

2. They are least likely to have the ability or know-how to defend themselves.

People with mental illness or other disabilities are the most vulnerable, and bullies take full advantage!

3. Bullying the Disabled:

They don’t have the protections other oppressed groups Have.

In other words, they are the least represented. This makes them even more vulnerable. In fact, this puts them at the mercy of basically everyone!

Again, people with disabilities are the largest minority in the world. However, they get the least representation.

4. Many People don’t see them as human.

Therefore, they bully and abuse them at will and with impunity. Most people see those with disabilities as a drain on resources and on society.

They see them as contributing nothing to the world and long to be rid of them.

5. Others are least likely to believe them when they report Bullying and Abuse.

Therefore, their bullies and abusers get away with their abuse.

Bullying the Disabled:

The mentally disadvantaged have it even worse!

Other oppressed groups have more legal protections under the law than the mentally disadvantaged. Even those with physical disabilities have more protections.

Therefore, people who target these people, or stand by and watch it happen are no different than card-carrying racists.

There’s a term for this kind of bullying. It’s called Ableism!

Here’s something I’ll bet no one has thought of.

If a person bullies these people, they probably are a racist, homophobe, etc. They only hide it because it’s politically incorrect and against the law.

Moreover, society doesn’t consider it to be as evil or illegal to discriminate against those perceived to be mentally disadvantaged.

Those with mental illness or autism spectrum disorder are safer victims to bully. Therefore, they’re who bullies feel safer to target.

Most bullies are racists and sexists at heart because bullies don’t accept anyone who is not like them. It doesn’t matter what the difference is.

People With Autism Spectrum Disorder.

People with autism and other neurological disorders suffer extremely high rates of victimization and bullying.

It’s bad enough that they must go through life struggling with a disability they have no control over. Even worse, they also struggle with constant cruelty from people in the general population because of that disability.

“A new study finds that children with autism spectrum disorders are bullied for more often than their typically developing peers.” (healthland.time.com)

According to Time Magazine (the above link), 46% of children on the spectrum reported being bullied compared to only 10% of neurotypical kids.

And the statistics are estimated to be even higher. Why? Because many of those with ASD are nonverbal. Also, their inability to read social cues also contributes to the low reports.

They cannot recognize the subtler forms of abuse. Therefore, they can’t report anything they don’t know is occurring.

Bullies quickly zero in on the repetitive behaviors and being highly sensitive to external stimuli. So, there’s another reason. They’re easy victims.

It’s important that we teach these people productive ways to defend themselves. Moreover, we must reach out and protect them. Only then will the rates of bullying among these groups go down.

This post is all about bullying the disabled, why bullies target them the most, and what we can do to help these victims.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

2. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying: 13 Subtle Signs to Look for.

April 17, 2025April 17, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know how to recognize a victim of bullying? Here are all the signs you need to know about.

If you look closely, you will recognize a victim of bullying. You will be able to tell it in their body language and the way they carry themselves.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to recognize a victim of bullying by reading their body language.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to help a person who is bullied. Moreover, you will be able to watch your own body language if you’re a victim yourself.

This post is all about how to recognize a victim of bullying so that you can not only monitor your own non-verbal communication, but reach out to other victims by recognizing theirs.

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying

There are certain things you see in a victim that screams just that… “victim!” If bullies can point out victim material a mile away, then why can’t people who aren’t bullies?

When You Look into The Face of a Victim of Bullying

If you pay close attention, you see the anguish. Also, you can see the desperately yearning to belong. They’ll have hopelessness and despair in their eyes. The victim will constantly wonder if things will ever get better.

You also see fear in their eyes. Moreover, it will come from knowing they could be physically or psychologically attacked at any moment. Maybe even killed!

Other times, you’ll see the sadness. The victim will want to cry. However, they won’t dare to. They’ll be too afraid of looking weaker than they already look to others.

You won’t hear the silent pleas for help. Why? Because most people won’t help victims. Therefore, they know that usually, help never comes.

Most victims have a lack of trust in humanity. How can you trust after people have let you down too many times?

Moreover, you’ll see the exhaustion. The constant battle can wear you out. Victims yearn for peace. They desperately want the war to stop.

They’ve forgotten what it’s like to relax, breathe, and not have to fight. But more than anything else, you see the determination to survive another day.

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Know the Body Language of Targets

Bullies bully many of their victims long term. Many do it over a period of years. Imagine what that does to the victims’ self-esteem.

Low self-esteem, sadly, comes out in a person’s body language.

Therefore, victims of bullying are nervous people. Is it any wonder they constantly walk on eggshells?

This goes especially in social situations. It’s why victims of bullying tend to monitor every action and every word that comes out of their mouths?

And why not? Bullies have beaten them down. In fact, they’ve stripped them of their entire person-hood.

You’re always on guard. And that’s a crappy way to live.

Are they nervous and afraid or are they lying?

It depends on context.

Consequently, people accuse victims of bullying of lying about the bullying they suffer. Why? Because people mistake nervousness for having something to hide.

If you ever read “Othello,” by William Shakespeare, you’ll get a clearer picture of this heartbreaking scenario.

Moreover, this is why people call this, “Othello’s Error.”

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Othello’s Error

Othello’s Error often happens in police interrogation rooms and principal’s offices.

It comes from Shakespeare’s play, “Othello.” In the play, the main character, Othello, assumes that his wife, Desdemona, is having an affair.

In reality, Desdemona is innocent

He questions her in a aggressive and volatile manner. As a result, the poor wife becomes nervous. Even worse, the angry husband takes her nervousness as a sign of guilt.

Sadly, his often occurs in real life.

For example, bullying victims become nervous when someone questions them aggressively. The questioner then misreads the response.

They take it as a sign that the person is hiding something. Sadly, this is how many people take blame for something they didn’t do.

Most people view nervousness as a sign of deception and confidence as a sign of honesty and trustworthiness.

As we know, bullies are well-known for fake confidence and false bravado. However, victims of bullying are always nervous, and rightfully so.

Who wouldn’t be if they were constantly bullied and attacked?

People tend to rush to the narrative the fits what want to be true. Therefore, should it be any wonder that people blame targets and let bullies go scot-free?

Sadly, after this goes on for so long, targets learn to expect more of the same. And they usually get it.

In other words, the expectation of such treatment brings more of the same. So, the target grows more nervous with each occurrence.

And the more nervous the victim grows, the more suspicious others become of them. Therefore, people often make mistakes in the decoding. Not the observation!

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

13 signs a person is a victim of bullying

1. Lack of Eye Contact.

Because of severe bullying and abuse, many victims are too afraid to even look people in the eye. This goes specially for those on the Autism Spectrum!

Moreover, when people bully you to the point that you fear looking at them, it’s a terrible thing. Lack of eye contact can signal deception, yes.

However, it’s usually not the case with victims of bullying. When a person is suffering from bullying or any type of abuse, it usually conveys terror.

Therefore, we must look at context. We must ask ourselves these questions. “Have I witnessed others consistently bullying this person?”

“Are there other non-verbal signals from this person besides the inability to look at people?” This is where the ability to read clusters of body language comes in handy.

If the person is shaking, sweating, licking their lips and touching their neck, you might be able to make a more accurate guess.

Again, targets of bullying are anxious. Who wouldn’t be if they were relentlessly bullied?

Therefore, before you make snap judgements, assess the person carefully. Don’t automatically assume that the victim is lying.

2. Submissive Body Language

Many targets of bullying also display submissive body language. No surprise there. They have endured bullying so severe that they’ve learned to be submissive just to survive.

The submissive person has lost all sense of their worth. Moreover, they’re afraid to make their own decisions.

Why? Because they fear they might make the wrong one and be bullied worse for it.

3. How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

The Person is Overly Forgiving

Bully victims tend to be overly forgiving. Why? Because they want to rock the boat.

Rather than risk the chance of conflict, victims of bullying take the path of least resistance. It’s easier and less risky for them to go along with the abuse.

Think about it. They already get enough of it from their bullies, be it at school, work, or home. Therefore, the last thing these victims want is to do anything to make it worse.

4. Downcast eyes

In other words, victims of bullying may hold their heads down and look down all the time. Understand that this type of bullying only brings about more bullying.

Why? Because it’s a sign of low self-esteem. And bullies take notice right away!

5. They have a sheepish look on their face

These victims will usually have a sheepish look on their faces. This is a dead giveaway because a sheepish look conveys shame.

Therefore, bullies will read it and take advantage.

6. How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Staying Motionless to avoid drawing attention

Many victims will keep from moving to avoid drawing attention. Bullies can see through this too. They see this as a juicy opportunity. Therefore, they’re likely to pounce.

7. Protective Behaviors

Victims of bullying often have closed body language. They may cross their arms in front of their torsos. Also, they might cross their legs or hunker down into their shoulders, hiding the neck.

This signals self-protection.

8. Bad Posture

Another thing they do is display bad posture. They may slouch when they stand or sit in their chairs.

9. Over-Apologizing

You always notice a victim of bullying because the person apologizes for everything. Over-apologizing is the surefire sign of bullying and abuse.

Realize that you only apologize because you’re scared, not because you’re truly sorry. It’s a trauma response. The good news is that you can kick that habit if you want to.

10. How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

They’re too quiet.

Many victims are also afraid to talk to people because they’re afraid of saying something foolish or offensive and again getting persecuted for it

After being bullied for so long, you become fearful. Around people, you clam up, keep your eyes to yourself and go about your business.

However, it seldom works because bullies are like pit bulldogs. They can smell fear from a mile away. Being reserved and staying out of the way tends to bring more bullying.

They fear looking too friendly. Therefore, victims of bullying typically don’t bother to greet people. And people often mistake it for being stuck up or standoffish.

11. They fear being seen in public.

Victims are fearful of going out because they might run into the wrong people (bullies).

12. They’re Needy and Clingy.

Many victims of bullying will bend over backwards to win friends. They’ll do desperate things to win approval and even put up with shoddy treatment.

You’ll be able to point these people out easily. Why? Because they’ll crawl behind people who don’t value them.

However, they only repel good people and attract bullies when they do these things.

13. They’re People Pleasers.

Most victims of bullying try to please everyone because they think it wins them approval. They’ll say yes when they really want to say no.

Moreover, they’ll put up with disrespect just to avoid conflict. In short, they’ll have no boundaries, which only invites more disrespect.

Victim body language is easy to see

The body language that victims display is so easy to spot. However, most people in authority either ignore it or don’t consider it.

Also, this is the body language that attracts bullies, users, and abusers!

Bullies can pick up on this body language from a mile away. And they will instantly think, “target!” and take full advantage. Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying, you must watch your body language.

It won’t be easy. However, if you want to stop looking like bully-bait, you can do it. I believe in you.

All you have to do is catch yourself displaying any of the above nonverbal cues. Then, you can correct it.

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Stop Looking Like a Victim

When you catch yourself slouching, sit or stand up straight. If you see that you’re looking down, hold your head up and look straight ahead.

Also, uncross your arms and legs. Start making eye contact with people. And when people do you wrong, don’t be so forgiving.

Begin seeing your worth and setting boundaries. Lose the sheepish look and replace it with the look of confidence.

Do these things and your situation will likely improve. Realize that you don’t need permission to be yourself. You have every right to exist!

Things may get worse before they get better. However, it’ll be worth it in the long run. I guarantee it.

This post is all about how to recognize a victim of bullying so that you can better pinpoint victim body language in others and in yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

2. Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

3. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

4. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

5. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

The Psychology of Bullying: 7 Things that Motivate People to Bully

April 16, 2025April 17, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know the psychology of bullying and all the motivations behind it? Here are all the reasons of bullying you need to know about.

To understand and combat bullying, you must first know the psychology of it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the psychology of bullying and all the things that motivate people to bully. Moreover, you will learn the goals and intentions behind it.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be better equipped to defend yourself against it.

This post is all about the psychology of bullying so that you become a powerful weapon against any bully who tries to attack you.

The Psychology of Bullying

Straight up. Bullies reap many psychological rewards from bullying their victims. Moreover, it’s those rewards that motivate bullies to bully.

If you’ve fallen victim to bullying, you must know what the motivators for bullying are. Once you know these things, you’ll no longer continue to rack your brain, asking yourself, “Why me?”.

Moreover, any confusion and bewilderment will disappear and you’ll be compelled to stand up for yourself.

7 Things that motivate people to bully

What motivates bullies to bully you? Here are your answers.

1. The Desire for Power, Domination, and control.

Bullies crave power. However, the only way they can get it is by abusing their victims. In other words, the only way they can feel powerful is by dominating and controlling you.

To bullies, it’s an addiction. Power is like a drug to bullies. It gives them a rush but wears off quickly. Therefore, they’ll always come back for more.

You must realize that your bullies will never stop bullying you until you stand up to them.

2. The Psychology of Bullying:

To Cover up Truths that Make Them Uncomfortable.

Bullies may bully you because you may represent facts they don’t like. You may be an authentic person who sees through their bullshit.

Or, you may be the type who tells it like it is. This scares your bullies because there’s a chance you could call them out on their bullshit.

Therefore, they try to intimidate you into staying quiet.

Bullies aren’t concerned with facts. Especially when those facts threaten them.

For instance, let’s say that your bullies have spread all kinds of lies about you. Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes!

They’re fully aware that you aren’t who they say you are. However, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narrative. Therefore, they’ll go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that your bullies benefit from ruining of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

It takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Why? Because bullies will tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first.

Then they’ll need to lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you.

Lies have a way of building. They build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that?

Therefore, the best thing you can do is stay calm and play your hand correctly. Do this and your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it.

Then you can sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making.

3. The Psychology of Bullying:

A Bully needs a victim.

Bullies need victims. Why? Because, to appear almighty and powerful, bullies must have someone to subjugate.

If bullies don’t have someone to dominate, they won’t know what to do with themselves. Therefore, don’t be that person.

See the bullying for what it is. It’s only your bullies’ attempts to seem powerful. Then, stand up to them. You must defend yourself, even if you must put up your fists and fight!

Once you begin standing up for yourself, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift.

In other words, you’ll automatically tip the scales of power in your favor. And you will cease to be a victim. Remember that the best way to dis-empower your bullies is to re-empower yourself.

Once you stop being a victim, your bullies will no longer have power over you. As a result, they’ll leave you alone and go search for another victim.

4. Sadism and Schadenfreude.

None of us want to admit that there are such people out in the world. However, there are people who get sick pleasure from another’s suffering.

They get even more pleasure if the sufferer is someone they despise. Therefore, the cold hard truth is that most bullies bully because they enjoy it.

They get their kicks from it. In fact, they relish it! Think about it, if they didn’t enjoy it, they would never bully.

And let’s face it. Nobody does anything of their own free will that they don’t enjoy. Ask yourself this question:

Unless someone held a gun to your head, would you do something- anything at all, that you did not enjoy? You wouldn’t because it goes against human nature.

Therefore, no one does anything unless there is a payoff of some kind in store for them. Most bullies bully because they love to inflict pain on another person.

Realize that to sadistic people, bullying others is like pulling the wings off a ladybug then watching it squirm. Moreover, these types of bullies will come back to bully you again to keep getting that pleasure.

These types of bullies don’t just get their pleasure from bullying you. They also get it from watching you react to the pain.

For instance, psychological bullies will taunt and verbally abuse their targets just to get a reaction from them. The reaction could be crying or anger.

And the more the target looks like they are suffering, the more the bullies harm them. Sadistic bullies are like sharks that smell blood in the water.

5. The Psychology of Bullying:

Fear.

Bullies fear losing power over you. Whether it’s physical attacks or smearing you, every bit of it is proof that they feel threatened.

Moreover, your bullies feel that they’re losing the battle for power or about to lose. Therefore, they double down on attacking you to reinforce their power over you.

They work twice as hard to keep you under their thumb. This often comes in the form of retaliation because you stood up to them.

In other words, you defended yourself. And the only way to discourage you from doing that again is to retaliate with greater force.

Why? Because, you just might start a huge trend and inspire others to stand up to them too. Then, the bullies would lose all respect, status, and authority (power).

6. Resentment and Revenge.

Again. When you defend yourself against a bully’s attacks or demands, you only make them look like punks. This goes double if you do it in front of an audience.

Therefore, this is another reason bullies will retaliate. They do it to punish you. Moreover, this punishment is designed to subdue you and keep you under their power.

To save their “tough” reputations, your bullies must take revenge. Revenge is, is punishment for you and justice for your bullies.

Anytime you stand up to bullies, they will often try to get back at you for it. Understand that bullies are entitled little twits.

They need gratification and satisfaction. And when you refuse to give it to them, they will resent you and desire to punish you for it.

However, don’t cave in. Realize that any time you stand against evil, it always gets worse before it gets better. Therefore, don’t give up. And don’t give in.

Be just as determined to defend yourself as your bullies are to subdue you. In other words, when they double down, so do you.

7. The Psychology of Bullying:

Deception.

Bullies have an image to keep up. And they want to look tough. In other words, the bullies are trying like the devil to cover up the fact that you’re winning the power war against them.

Think about it. If you were truly losing, they would act indifferent toward you. Your bullies wouldn’t need to become aggressive. It wouldn’t be necessary to go on the attack because you would be no threat to them nor the image they portray in public.

Therefore, they wouldn’t give you the time of day. Bullies, particularly those with narcissism, always discard those they deem to be losers.

On the other hand, threats must be contained. Those bullies see as threats are a lot of hard work. They require many attacks for the bullies to restore their power, be that power image, social status, or even physical status.

Therefore, if a bully is incessantly attacking you, it isn’t because there is anything wrong with you. And it isn’t because you’re weak.

It’s because you pose a threat to them somehow. Moreover, that threat may or may not be so obvious. It may be subtle.

For example, the bully may pick up on something that isn’t so visible. Maybe, it’s an inner strength you have that they can’t quite put their finger on.

Nevertheless, you must continue to defend yourself. The last thing you want to do is back down from these assholes.

Continue to stand strong. Refuse to tolerate their abusive behavior. Keep fighting no matter how hard things get.

This post is all about the psychology of bullying to relieve any confusion or bewilderment you may have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

3. Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It

4. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

Healing from Bullying: 11 Amazing Recovery Tips

April 15, 2025April 2, 20254 Comments

Would you like to know the best things you can do when healing from bullying? Here are 11 ways to do it that I and so many other survivors swear by.

Bullying is very traumatic and impacts self-esteem; it often takes many years to heal. People who’ve never endured bullying cannot comprehend how it can change your life.

The good thing about leaving a toxic environment is that once you’re gone, you can begin healing and rebuilding your life. However, in many cases, it’s easier said than done.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the best ways to healing from bullying so that you can begin rebuilding your life and take back your power.

Once you learn all about these important techniques, you will be compelled to put them to work for you and began putting the pieces back together again. In that, you will eventually get back to the happier life you once knew.

This post is all about healing from bullying so that you can start anew and look forward to a beautiful future!

Healing from Bullying

Healing for bullying can be difficult and may time years. However with these eight tips, you’ll heal quicker and more successfully.

Here are eight things you can do that can help you heal quicker.

1. Seek Therapy.

I realize that there’s a certain amount of stigma that goes with it. However, getting therapy is the best and most important thing you can do for yourself.

You must do what you must do to take care of yourself. So, don’t concern yourself with the opinions of others.

People are going to have something to say whether you do or you don’t. Therefore, do what’s best for you and to hell with them.

2. Healing from Bullying:

Rest.

When you’re fresh out of a bullying environment, you’ll more than likely to be exhausted. Therefore, get plenty of sleep.

Also, take some quiet time for yourself. Go on a walk in the park on a beautiful day, or take a pajama day. Get all the rest you can get for a few days.

3. Music.

Music is therapy in itself. Once you’ve got plenty of rest, put in some easy listening for relaxation. Also, you can play some slow jams like TLC or Keith Sweat.

Or, you can pop in some dance grooves and rock and roll to make you dance. There’s nothing that lifts the mood like shaking your booty around the house to Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul.

Moreover, you could rock out to some Van Halen, Judas Priest, or Def Leppard. Whatever your taste in music, you’ll feel much better when you do. So, get out those CD’s or stream some music on your computer.

4. Healing from Bullying:

Lean on the people who love you.

One of the most important things you need is a network of friends and loved ones who support you. Especially when you’re recovering from bullying!

Therefore, keep company with the people who uplift you, love you, and make you feel good. It’ll help you salvage the confidence you’ve lost.

5. Do things you enjoy most.

Indulge in your hobbies and favorite activities. Hobbies allow us to be creative. Therefore, if you create, you feel accomplished! So, rake in those little successes!

It’s those tiny little wins that will make you feel so much better!

6. Exercise.

Exercise is a major stress-buster. Moreover, you can get rid of all that negative energy like anger and depression by sweating it out in the gym or at home, to a workout video.

Whatever strikes your fancy, get moving and exercise! It will make you feel so much better!

7. Healing from Bullying:

Forgive.

Forgiving anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy. However, it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

I’m probably going to piss a few people off with this. In fact, there was once a time I would get angry any time someone advised me to forgive my bullies.

However, since then, I’ve discovered that forgiveness is how we heal.

I do understand if you aren’t ready. Sometime you must heal before you can forgive. Therefore, take time to process the abuse you suffered and recover first. Only you know when you’re ready.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what they did to you is okay. Moreover, it does it mean you have to be friends with the person who wronged you. You don’t have to let them back into your life if you don’t want to.

It’s totally up to you.

If you don’t trust the person, that’s okay too. Some people, you can never trust and you must forgive them from afar. However, do forgive them. It will help you more than you know.

8. Take a trip.

After being in a toxic environment for so long, you may need to get away for a while. Therefore, visit a family member in another state.

You can also embark on a camping trip in the mountains. Or, you can hit the beach and relax in the sun as you listen to the sounds of seagulls and crashing waves.

Whether you prefer a tropical island or an Alaskan getaway, you’ll return home feeling much better!

9. Healing from Bullying:

Treat yourself to a day or night out with the guys or gals.

You and your pals could go to a concert or out to lunch or dinner. Maybe you can go window shopping or to a bar and listen to a live band. In other words, don’t isolate yourself.

Get out and have fun. Because sometimes it pays to go out and paint the town red!

Just go easy on the drinks. Alcohol is a depressant! Moreover, if you must have a few drinks, don’t forget to have a designated driver handy.

Healing can take a while to do and may also take much work. But in the end, it’ll be worth it!

10. Treat yourself to a pampering session.

What is a pampering session. It can be anything, from a facial to a pedicure. Moreover, you can treat yourself to a manicure or a new hairdo.

Maybe you’re the type who likes a deep massage in a spa. Also, you can treat yourself to the works – all of the above! There are spas that will give you the royal treatment for a nice discount!

If you’re a little low on funds, you can also give yourself a pampering session at home. For example, you could buy some bath bombs and treat yourself to a relaxing soak in the bathtub.

Or, you can give yourself a pedicure. All you need is a small tub and some warm water to soak your feet in. Also, you can use a pumice stone, foot file, and cuticle stick to remove dead skin and rough spots from your feet and toes.

To top it off, you can paint your toenails. Whatever you like to do, practice self-care. It will make a big difference in how you feel!

11. Healing from Bullying:

Protect and defend yourself from those who wish to harm you.

This means protecting your mind and spirit from attacks as well as your body. If someone attacks you verbally, no matter how subtle the attacks may be, you have a right to respond in kind.

If some creep tries to use physical violence against you, by all means, fight back! The point is to set boundaries! And, if you need to, enforce those boundaries!

Say no. Moreover, call out anyone who tries to abuse you. Whatever you do, never take abuse lying down. Ever!

Remember that you teach people how to treat you by what you put up with. Therefore, if someone violates your boundaries in any way, call it out. Tell that person, in no uncertain terms, to stop it now!

Let them know that you won’t tolerate bad behavior from anyone. Do what you must do to defend yourself from bullying and abuse.

Remember that you have just as much of a right to safety, respect, and dignity as the next person. Therefore, defend yourself as you would your best friend!

In fact, be your own best friend! Let no one disrupt your peace. Moreover, don’t allow anyone to stand in the way of your healing!

In Conclusion:

Self-care is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Moreover, self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential, especially when you’re healing from bullying!

Be prepared for naysayers to tell you that you’re being selfish for taking care of yourself. However, don’t you believe it for a second!

Everyone has a right to take care of themselves. That includes you! Therefore, love yourself enough to put yourself first.

Because, baby! You’re worth it!

This post is all about healing from bullying and ways to do it so that you can recover without any disruptions and take your power back!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Practicing Self-Care When People Bully You: 10 Ways to Give Yourself Compassion

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

5. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

Confronting Bullying: 4 Things Bullies Do When You Speak Out

April 14, 2025April 6, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know about confronting bullying and the blow back you’ll likely get so that you can be encouraged to stay strong and keep speaking out and defending yourself? Here are all the ways bullies retaliate when you confront their bullying head-on.

Confronting bullying isn’t easy by any means. Bullies can be intimidating and you may balk at standing up for yourself because you don’t know what the bullies might do. However, bullies are just as humanly vulnerable as you. They just won’t tell you.

This is why you must defend yourself no matter what your bullies may say or do to retaliate. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about what comes with confronting bullying so that you will be prepared.

Once you know all about this life-changing information, you will be compelled to keep your wits about you and confront bullying no matter how intimidating the bullies are.

Confronting Bullying

Confronting bullying can be one of the scariest things to do. However, if you want to ensure your safety later, it’s something you must do.

You know bullying when you feel it.

One of the saddest things about bullying is the confusion it often brings. Bullies and others will often confuse and mislead you. They will tell you that no one is bullying you. Maybe they’ll accuse you of having paranoia.

When you defend yourself against a bully, others may gaslight you by either trivializing or dismissing what you just experienced. They may tell you, “it’s only in your mind” or accuse you of being too sensitive.

If you’re not careful, they may even convince you of it! This will only force you to endure the torment in silence. Bullying feeds on silence.

Bullying Cannot Thrive Without Silence

Therefore, people will let the bully off the hook. Even worse, they’ll be free to target you again in the future. The bully gets the message that it’s okay to target you.

So, they’ll bully you simply because they can. And they do it with impunity.

After so long, you’ll begin to feel as if it is somehow wrong to report and stand up to bullies. You’ll then question your own sanity, thinking, “Maybe it really is only in my mind.”

Moreover, you’ll grow silent for fear of being gaslighted and seen as “having paranoia,” “unhinged” or “overly sensitive.”

However, know that these labels mean to undermine and steal your voice.

Confronting Bullying:

It’s Not Only In Your Mind.

If you’re a target of these mind games, let me assure you: It’s NOT only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby or whatever else unsavory people may call you.

Therefore, always remember that bullies are very skilled and convincing liars. You always know when something does not feel good. Your brain and your gut always let you know when something isn’t right!

You can sense it. Moreover, you can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you.

You can see and hear them talking through their teeth. Also, you can hear the short and cold tone in their voices.

You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people, pronto!

Anyone who causes you to feel bad does not deserve the time of day from you.

It does not matter if they are rich, smart, good looking, popular, successful, cool or tough. If they cause you to feel less than, ditch them! Weed. Them. Out!

Why? Because they aren’t worthy of even being in your presence. Never allow anyone to violate your boundaries, whether physical or psychological. Also, never allow anyone to silence you. Speak out! Refuse their gaslighting.

Self awareness is key, as is awareness of everyone and everything around you. Also, setting boundaries is equally important. You must get to know yourself. Listen to your body and the sensations you feel.

It is imperative that you get absolutely clear on what you will and will not accept. Only then will you be able to tell the difference and send your bullies packing.

Confronting Bullying:

Don’t be afraid of your bullies’ reactions to your speaking out.

When you begin speaking out about your bullies and their abusive behavior, you put them on high alert. In other words, you put them in defense mode.

This is when they’ll do one, some, or all of four things.

1. Lash out at you.

This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. In other words, they’ll scream and yell at you. They’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God.

I know it’s difficult but don’t panic and don’t be afraid.

See it for what it is. You just forced them to reveal their true colors. Any time your bullies get outraged and attack you , that’s when you know you’ve busted them.

Again, you’ve forced them to out themselves! Yay for you!

2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face.

Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively. They’ll swear up and down they never bullied or mistreated you.

They may even throw out subtle hints that you must’ve misinterpreted them. They’ll claim that you “have everything misconstrued.”

Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is gaslighting. Moreover, it speaks volumes about their character.

3. Confronting Bullying:

Defame you.

The second you call out their abuse, is the second bullies lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others. Therefore, they’ll tell everyone who will listen what a lying, lowdown piece of garbage you are.

However, don’t let it phase you. Realize that they’re panicking and in a mad rush to do some damage control.

They’re afraid that word about their true nature just might get around and cause them to lose face. The last thing bullies want is for you to expose them.

Most of the time, your bullies will tell others that you’re experiencing some sort of mental episode. This is the classic reaction of abusers. They always attack your mental health.

Again, they’re only revealing their true colors. Why? Because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care. Therefore, they wouldn’t react so desperately.

See this as an admission of guilt.

4. Avoid you.

These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared.

However, this is the best outcome. If they’re avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them bullying you again.

Why? Because they know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already very quickly circulating.

So, the last thing they want is to do anything that will make them look guilty. They fear their reputations are already on shaky ground.

These people are cowards, yes. However, they’re making the smartest move by simply staying away from you. They’ll even avoid mentioning your name.

Be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long. They may avoid you long enough to defame you to others.

Or, they just might secretly plot revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in different ways. They may use one or all of the above measures to discredit you.

Confronting Bullying:

Bullies count on you staying quiet about their abuse.

You must realize that bullies and abusers, even former bullies, count on your silence. In fact, they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed.

Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them. Why? Because they risk losing respect in the community. The last thing they want is for other people to see them for the monsters they are.

Bullies make everything about appearances. Therefore, when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them.

So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make the following statements.

“Well, we were just kids then.”
“But that’s all water under the bridge.”
“Just let bygones be bygones.”
”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it.” Also, they may accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.

However, your bullies have other objectives as well:

Bullies say these things to minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
Also, they want to make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
And, to cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations or any backlash they might receive.

Therefore, don’t be afraid. Instead, see through it all and let them launch their personal attacks.

Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point. When you speak out about the abuse, you force your bullies to explain themselves.

Anyone who must explain and justify themselves is never in a powerful position.

So, in forcing your bullies to explain themselves you instantly snatch them out of their position of power. You move them into a position of vulnerability.

In other words, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a very helpless and subordinate place. In short, you strip them of power. Ouch!

Confronting Bullying:

Power doesn’t explain itself.

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly remove their power. And their perceived authority disappears with it.

Why? Because neither power nor authority explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

Hence the reason bullies despise even the thought of having to give explanations. It puts them in a weak and subordinate position.

No wonder bullies get nuts when you out them!

This post is all about confronting bullying and everything that comes with it so that you can gather the courage to take back your personal power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

4. What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Bullying and First Impressions

April 12, 2025April 17, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know about bullying and first impressions? Here’s why first impressions can determine whether you become a target victim of bullying.

I cannot tell you how important first impressions are. Down through the ages, many have said that first impressions last forever and that you never get a second chance at it. They were right!

In other words, first impressions often determine whether or not bullies find you as a good target.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and first impressions and the reasons first impressions often lead to bullying.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will be able to see the relation between the two and make a better first impression the next time you move to a new job, school, or community.

This post is all about bullying and first impressions and how they connect so that you will have the tools to protect yourself from bullying… before it happens to you.

Bullying and First Impressions

Bullies need victims! And, believe it or not, first impressions can determine whether people in a new environment accept you or bully you. Let’s use scenarios and examples to elaborate on this.

New Kid in Town

For instance, you move to a new town and new school where nobody knows you. Your dad just got out of the military and you’ve lived all over the world. Therefore, your family decides to settle in the town Dad lived in before he left for basic training.

The town you move to is a small town in a small district with small schools. You begin middle school in this small town. Therefore, you’re the new kid in town.

You’re the person who no one knows. Naturally, this makes you a little nervous.

During the first few weeks, you make a terrible first impression on your new classmates. Moreover, you do it without even realizing it. Another thing that you don’t know is that you’re going to pay for it for the next 5 years.

It isn’t your fault. After all, you’re only thirteen years old and you’ve lived a comfortable life as a military kid. And the life of a military brat is much different than living life as a civilian in a small town.

You’re navigating completely new terrain now.

Bullying and First Impressions:

Fresh Meat to Local Bullies

You’re friendly to everyone. Maybe a little too friendly. Other than a few incidences of harmless teasing, you’ve had no issues at any of the other schools you attended before. So, there’s no reason not to trust people.

However, you’ve caught the eyes of a group of local bullies and they seem to watch every move you make. The bullies approach you on your first day at the new school. They ask you questions and some of those questions don’t feel good.

You only answer the questions you feel comfortable with, trying to be polite. However, you notice that the bullies approach you again, later that week. Moreover, the bullies threw a few subtle taunts your way.

But you only ignore it and walk away. As the weeks turn into a month, the taunts grow more frequent and less subtle.

However, you continue to blow these creeps off, ignore them, and walk away. Also, you try to make friends with the other students because you don’t want to be the lone wolf.

A Bad First Impression

There’s your first mistake. You didn’t stand up for yourself when these creeps began bullying you. In fact, you didn’t even respond. You only ignored it and walked away.

However, being the new kid, you’re afraid of getting in trouble with school staff. Also, you’ve been taught by your parents that decent young ladies don’t fight.

However, everyone else is already socially established here. You’re an outsider. Therefore, they don’t want your friendship.

The bullies notice this too.

Bullying and First Impressions:

The Bullying Continues to Escalate.

Here’s your second mistake. Being overly friendly! And because you’re so friendly, the other kids mistake you for being a fool. The bullies see your kindness as weakness. To them, it looks like you’re seeking approval.

You may make a few so-called friends. However, they aren’t true friends. They only allow you in their group because they only feel sorry for you. Or worse, they may do it to pump you for information with which to report back to the bullies.

Another month passes and now, your bullies are verbally assaulting you. They begin accusing you of things you know nothing about.

Next, they start threatening to beat you up. Therefore, you try talking your way out of confrontations. Or worse, you begin lying your way out. But where does that get you?

Your third mistake is that you cry easily. To your sadistic classmates, this is another sign that you’re weak. To others, it’s a sign of manipulation.

You catch on to this rather quickly. Therefore it does take you long to change these behaviors and learn to mask them. However, it’s a little late for that.

Once A precedent has been set, it’s too late to change course.

Throughout your first year, the bullying slowly intensifies. Your bullies soon grow bored with the verbal attacks and begin what you would call borderline physical attacks.

They may start by “accidentally” running or bumping into you in the hallways. Next, they’ll begin tripping you as you’re walking by.

Once they get bored with that, they move on to more obvious physical assaults. Your bullies (and maybe others) begin shoving you. The shoving then progresses to hitting, kicking, and punching.

Finally, you suffer brutal beatings by bullies and their new followers. Moreover, a few others who normally don’t bully join in.

During your first year at your new school, you’ve just gone through the first three stages of bullying. But you finish your first year and get a reprieve when summer arrives.

Bullying and First Impressions:

Others who wouldn’t normally bully anyone begin to join in.

Before long, your bullies begin signaling to the rest of the school that you’re easiest to bully. They recruit bystanders to unite with them and join in the torment. And they this through rumors, accusations, and smear campaigns.

Moreover, they also threaten anyone who associates with you. And, one by one, others begin turning against you. Even those kind kids who normally wouldn’t bully anyone.

As time goes by, more and more people turn their backs on you until you have no support system left.

Now, you have become radioactive. In other words, no one wants to associate with you because they know they’ll be next if they do.

Therefore, to ensure their own reputations don’t take a hit, everyone avoids you altogether. Even worse, they become willing participants in the attacks. These kids become secondary bullies.

The Second Year, Bullies Pick Up Where They Left Off.

By the second year, you’ve passed to the eighth grade. You’ve had the summer to heal and reflect on what you could’ve done differently to keep bullies away.

Therefore, this year, you’ve toughened up considerably. But, by now, the dynamic has already been set and firmly in place.

The physical bullying then escalates to a climax. People seem to be standing in line, waiting on their turn to have a boxing match with you.

Though you’ve begun fighting back to defend yourself, you don’t earn respect for it. Instead, people only become outraged and resent you for it. Why? Because they’ve grown comfortable with abusing you.

And once people get comfortable with abusing you, they’ll only double down on it when you stand up to them.

As a result, you get involved in many fights. Just trying to defend yourself and keep from getting hurt! Consequently, the number of physical altercations causes teachers and staff to label you a troublemaker.

Teachers and school staff label you “a problem.”

Others have bullied you for so long, they’ve grown comfortable with it. In fact, they’ve grown so accustomed to being cruel that they don’t have to think about it. It becomes the knee-jerk action every time they see you.

Moreover, bullies and their recruits may go home and tell their families horrible lies and rumors about you. The family members then spread the word to the people they know at work, the supermarket, etc.

Next, the coworkers, friends, and extended family members pass it on to their families. As a result, the lies about you spread throughout the entire community.

Thus, they completely decimate your reputation. And everyone meets your reputation before getting the chance to meet you.

Understand that people do this deliberately to create a toxic environment for you. In other words, they lay the groundwork for an environment that doesn’t allow you to receive support, make new friends, nor rise above bullying.

Finally, any opportunities you may have had are severely limited or lost completely.

Bullying and First Impressions:

When Bullying Becomes Mobbing

Bullying becomes mobbing when it reaches the late stage! The abuse has snowballed into a dangerous situation.

At this stage, you are at the mercy of every one. Also, bullies face no accountability. And when there’s no accountability for abuse, there are no limits to it.

Therefore, people can now escalate the abuse at will. This is the stage that bullying has become life-threatening.

Everyone in the community hates you. These people want nothing more than to see you suffer. The “good people” of the community have no idea why they hate you. Moreover, they’ll never be able to tell you exactly what you did to deserve it.

Therefore, all they know is that they loathe you and have an intense desire to destroy you.

Furthermore, people expect you the take the abuse because they think you deserve it. Any attempts to defend yourself will only bring more outrage.

In fact, they won’t even allow you to question the abuse. Talking back to them when they verbally attack you only leads to physical retaliation.

Any self-defense will only bring outrage.

Also, talking about the bullying to people outside the dynamic gets back to your bullies. And they retaliate by physical means.

Standing up to your persecutors, won’t get them to leave you alone. Moreover, people who’ve never met you wish to attack you. It becomes a case of “you don’t know me, but I know you.”

This stage is the most dangerous because everyone around you becomes deranged. Also, they get so emboldened that they don’t try to hide their hatred anymore.

And why not? They’ve gotten away with their abuse for so long. They know they have no incentive to stop the attacks.

This is why bullying and first impressions are interconnected. And it’s important to make the best first impression you can possibly make. Sometimes, that means standing up to bullies the first time they try anything funny!

Bullying and First Impressions:

Why Standing Up to Bullies Doesn’t Work in The Late Stages

Why is that? Because, by then, people have grown so accustomed to abusing you. Therefore, any self-defense on your part takes them out of their comfort zones.

People love their comfort zones and they’ll do anything to stay in them. Therefore, they’ll only retaliate when you stand up to their bullshit.

And you’ll end up fighting a constant battle which will wear you down.

If you’re a kid in school and you’re in this stage, a school transfer will be the best thing for you.

If you’re an adult and you’ve reached this stage, now is the time to leave. Pick up and move to a different area. Moreover, tell no one where you’re going or even that you’re moving.

Whatever the case, just find a way to quickly and quietly disappear because your life may depend on it. It’s the only way the bullying will stop.

If you relocate, you’ll get a fresh start. You’ll have a chance to reinvent yourself and move on to peace and prosperity. In other words, you’ll get a chance to rebuild your life. You’ll begin to flourish, and create a better world for yourself.

But why not defend yourself in the early stages and save yourself years of trouble?

Bullying and First Impressions:

First impressions are everything!

Why? Because they set a precedent – a pattern for the future. If bullies get away with bad behavior once, they’ll repeat it again and again.

Also, when they get a particular reaction, they will come back for more of the same later. Without realizing it, you teach people how to treat you.

It doesn’t take long for impressions to take root and became expected. And when they do, it’s tough to change. This isn’t to say that it’s impossible. However, it won’t be easy.

Changing a social dynamic takes a truckload of patience and consistency.

Therefore, you must firmly stand up to bad treatment when it first begins. Why? Because, when you assert yourself in the early stage, others will likely respect your right to be treated well.

They’ll either leave you alone or began treating you better.

So, always set and enforce your boundaries when the bullying begins. Never let it go on for any length of time. The sooner you do, the easier it will be to assert your rights and avoid retaliation.

This post is all about Bullying and First Impressions so that you will know to stand up to bullying when it first happens and make a good impression when you do.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

3. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

Social Chameleon: Why Bullies and Victims Mask Themselves

April 11, 2025April 2, 20256 Comments

‘Want to know all about the social chameleon and why bullies and victims become them? Here’s a description of each group and the different reasons they try to blend socially.

It’s normal to adapt to the people around us. Everyone does this to a degree. However, to completely mask who you are is unhealthy but in some situations, understandable.

Most people who mask their true personalities do it to avoid being rejected, bullied, or shunned. Victims of bullying do it for survival. Bullies, on the other hand, do it for deceptive purposes. They do it to hide evil intentions and behavior.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the social chameleon and the situations that make cause you to become one.

Once you learn all about these details. You will be able to understand yourself better if you get targeted by bullies. Moreover, this post will prompt you to give yourself compassion, but also to slowly remove the mask so that you can let your true self shine.

This post is all about the social chameleon and the reasons why bullies and victims mask their true personalities.

Social Chameleon

Both bullies and victims put up facades. However, they each do it for totally different reasons.

Bullies Mask Themselves to Control Others.

A bully must work like a dog to keep up the facades. These facades help bullies to hide their evil behavior, avoid accountability, and ultimately maintain control over their targets and victims.

On the other hand, targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in to them for the moment to stay safe. However, they eventually find ways to rebel and break free.

Moreover, they do it by either fighting, fawning, resorting to trickery or fleeing. No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.

It’s only natural that you push against someone who abuses you and makes you out to be someone you’re not. As bullies must fight harder and harder to keep control of you, you fight harder to break their control.

As this goes on, bullies must tighten their grip. Moreover, the weight of their own lies and manipulations only grows heavier on their shoulders. Therefore, bullies must constantly search for newer and better ways to conceal their lies.

They must also look for ways to silence and subdue you. And they need to think up new lies and excuses for their bullying behavior so others won’t figure them out and begin supporting you.

Social Chameleon:

Bullies only get by on appearances.

The acts they put on are only illusions. Therefore, the bully’s entire facade is a mirage. Without it, they have no leg to stand on.

As a result, the constant threat of exposure weighs heavily on them. The lives of bullies are filled with cracks in their personalities and behavior. These cracks are like smoldering hot spots, after the townspeople have extinguished a house fire.

They threaten to reignite and blaze again. Therefore, these towns people frantically run around, pouring buckets of water on these hot spots to make sure they don’t blaze up again.

It’s the same with bullies and their evil personalities and behavior. They must consistently cover themselves to keep their wrongdoings secret. Moreover, they must keep up the illusion of gleaming white perfection.

Bullies need to impress others.

Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best. If they can’t be the best, then they’ll, at least, give that impression. Putting on an act and controlling you isn’t an easy task.

Therefore, your bullies must continuously struggle to do it..

Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must get others to agree. How else can they avoid accountability if they don’t have others backing them?

Moreover, how can bullies feel good about themselves when they’re living a make-believe world of lies, fabrications, and confabulations? Again, they need other people to approve.

And when a bully forces others to agree with their behavior against a victim, their fear of exposure is even more obvious.

Social Chameleon:

Most people don’t recognize it when bullies are deceiving them.

Sadly, most people can’t or refuse to recognize it. Why? Because they’re too scared. Understand that fear blocks others’ ability to think clearly.

In that, it blinds them to evidence, contexts, and contradictions they’d otherwise see. When a person encounters a bully, he must keep his head straight.

Only then will they realize that the bully is the fearful one. That is not easy to do. When faced with a threat, it’s hard to think because your logical mind shuts down.

Therefore, the primal brain takes center stage.

Again, bullies work the hardest to cover themselves. They often grow angry, resentful, and bitter because of it.

Why? Because they don’t understand why they have to expend so much effort.

Bullies are always banging their heads against the brick wall of life. And it’s because they’re against healthy exchanges of information and ideas.

Bullies also reject any new ideas and information. Moreover, they resist responsibility and teamwork. Bullies don’t respect anyone unless it benefits them.

You can’t help but to pity them. Can you imagine the difficult lives these people live? You can’t hate those who live such pitiful existences.

Many other targets may get offended at me for choosing to pity bullies. However, look at it this way. Wouldn’t you rather be hated than pitied? I know I would. At least there’s dignity in being hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, know that you’re much better off than your bullies are. It may not seem like it. But you are. Take comfort in it.

Social Chameleon:

Victims mask themselves for survival.

Here’s why you may become a social chameleon if you suffer bullying. It’s to keep others from further bullying and abusing you.

You may not be good at it at first. But you fake it until you make it.

When people bully you, you learn very quickly to either blend in with those around you or get eaten alive. You become highly self-aware and good at reading the emotions and nonverbal cues of others.

Therefore, you may learn to self-monitor and rehearse everything you do and say.

Understand that your mind will equip itself with scripts for every situation and conversation. You’ll pay close attention to body language and mimic others’ behavior.

Also, you’ll learn to pick up on other people’s moods and adapt yourself to any situation.

And it usually proves to be a useful skill.

As you get older, you get better and better at acting. In that, you also grow better at getting people to like you. You become expert at impressing people and ingratiating yourself into all kinds of groups.

In other words, you learn to quickly switch gears and change with your environment. You can be the life of the party or you can be quiet and reserved.

You can be introverted, extroverted, funny, charismatic, relaxed, wild, emotional, or stoic. Therefore, when you learn to detect the moods of others, you adapt yourself to match those moods.

Becoming a social chameleon is a Common Defense Against Bullying.

Understand that victims of bullying do this out of survival instinct. Even survivors who haven’t healed do it.

We become masters of deception. We mask to cool the anger of others in social situations gone wrong. Also, we mask to earn respect.

Everyone masks to a certain degree. Depending on the situation or people around us, we present different versions of ourselves. Victims of bullying, on the other hand, mask on steroids!

You become an expert at blending in and being accepted. In fact, you polish your self-presentations.

In fact, it becomes so ingrained and natural to you, after so long, that you don’t even know you’re doing it. Many targets of bullying are bullied in school. However, they eventually learn to get along with anyone and are exceptionally well-liked as adults.

I have done this myself.

This is how we ensure that no one ever bullies us again. Moreover, this is how we get people to like us. We know too well what not to do or say.

The key to being successful at this is to not realize you’re doing it! Any conscious effort, on the other hand, comes off as contrived.

And once you no longer have to think about it, it becomes natural. Therefore, it’s no longer fake.

Practice Makes Perfect.

When you get older, you’ve practiced this for so long that you’ve become intuitively attuned to other’s responses to you. Therefore, you can effortlessly adapt your behavior when you sense that you aren’t making the right impression.

You keep a few good saves in your back pocket just in case a social situation goes awry. Moreover, you do this so well that you instinctively know what’s expected before you make a social move.

You become highly successful at making good impressions in social encounters with total strangers and in business. Your personality becomes so fluid and unpredictable that you emit an air of mystery that intrigues others.

This only adds to your attractiveness. However, this comes at a high cost!

For me, being a social chameleon grew exhausting and I chose to dial it down a few notches. I’ve found that it is much more relaxing to be myself and not to give a crap what others think.

Being a Social Chameleon Only Exhausts You.

Masking is exhausting. Also, the knowing that you weren’t true to your core beliefs and convictions has a heavy price. It leaves you feeling as if you sold your soul to the devil!

Moreover, it leaves an emptiness inside you that you can’t fill unless you start being your authentic self.

Therefore, it’s much better to be yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. You may make a few enemies but it’s much better than being a fraud.

Moreover, I’d much rather have a few people who don’t like me than to give up my identity and my authenticity!

Therefore, be yourself! Be comfortable in your own skin! Embrace all your imperfections, because we all have them. Give yourself permission to say no and to voice an opinion some may not like. Because to be yourself is freedom!

This post was all about the social chameleon, why bullies and victims alike become them, and the emotional costs of being one.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

5. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

April 10, 2025April 4, 20252 Comments

‘Want to know about bullying and gaslighting and the different ways bullies may gaslight you? Here are all the important things you need to know.

Bullying is bad enough. However, when you top it off with gaslighting, it only victimizes you over and over again. You don’t have to put up with it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and gaslighting and seven most common ways bullies gaslight you so that you can use these gaslighting phrases and tactics to protect yourself.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be a warrior against any gaslighting some creep tries with you.

This post is all about bullying and gaslighting. It gives you the seven most common ways bullies gaslight you so that you can successfully push back against it and save your self-esteem from being torn to shreds.

Bullying and Gaslighting

Before we get into the different ways bullies gaslight you, let’s first discuss exactly what bullies do when they gaslight you. So, what is the definition of gaslight?

Gaslight- to psychologically manipulate someone into doubting their own perception of reality.

Remember that bullying is all about domination and control. Once the bully selects you as their intended target, they will start out subtly. Then, they will slowly increase the severity of their abuse.

Moreover, they will do everything possible to maintain that power. And how they maintain power is to gaslight you, once you begin defending yourself.

Understand that bullies get a huge psychological payoff at your expense. Abusing you gives them that psychological reward.

And that reward is the rush of power and a sense of authority and control they get at your expense.

Psychological Rewards of Bullying.

We just mentioned some of the rewards – power, control, dominance, and a sense of authority. However, what are other psychological rewards bullies get from bullying you?

When bullies bully you, others also reward them with attention, high social status and promotions.

Therefore, again, bullies will fight like the devil to keep those benefits. Moreover, if you speak out and shed light on their behavior, that’s when the gaslighting begins.

Bullying and Gaslighting:

How Gaslighting Starts

When you begin noticing that your bullies are abusing you, you’ll likely report it. Moreover, you’re also likely to begin standing up to them.

And once you start rocking the boat, your bullies will become angry and afraid. Why? Because you become a threat to their power.

Therefore, the bullies only increase the abuse to subdue you. But that’s not all. Your bullies also want to punish you.

Seasoned bullies maintain power by psychological and emotional abuse. This involves, gaslighting. However, it also includes brainwashing to dis-empower you.

Realize that they use these methods because this type of bullying leaves no visible evidence. Therefore, it’s much easier for them to deny it.

7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

1. Persistent lying

Bullies tell vague lies, trying to make you believe that you that you are defective somehow. Also, they may try to convince you that you deserve the mistreatment.

I say, vague lies because, if you notice, they never tell you what your defect is. They also never tell you exactly what you did to deserve the abuse.

Moreover, bullies will spread lies about you to other people. They may tell them,

“He’s a waste of space, and he needs to realize it already!”
“She’s such an embarrassment! How does she even show her face in public every day?”
“She brought it all on herself!”

However, they’ll never, ever elaborate on any of those statements. And they won’t have to. Why? Because the people who hear these things will fill in the blanks.

They will most likely assume that you must have done something to deserve the abuse. Because, why would this person say such terrible things about you if you didn’t have it coming?

Bullying and Gaslighting:

What Your Bullies Will Say to You

“What are you smiling about? Nobody likes you! Remember?”
“I’m not bullying you! You’re just over-reacting!”
“You’re just being (overly sensitive, a crybaby, etc.)! You need help!”
“Nobody’s mistreating you! You’re just playing the victim to look innocent to everyone else!
“You think you’re (smart, pretty, cute, tough, cool, etc.), don’t’ you! You’re nothing!”
“You’re so (arrogant, ugly, etc.)!”
“Nobody will ever believe a word you say!”

I could go on and on.

Understand that bullies deliberately repeat these lies to convince you that they’re right. Moreover, they repeat these lies for weeks, months, even years.

However, the constant repetition has a purpose! And that is to brainwash you and turn you against yourself. If your bullies get get you to see yourself through their eyes, then they can get everyone else to as well.

In other words, if you start to believe the bully’s lies, others will too.

As a result, you become riddled with confusion. Also, you may develop social anxiety and shame. Eventually, you’ll lose the ability to counter the attacks

You must realize that this is all a strategy. And it’s designed to keep you under their control and from rebelling against the abuse.

2. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Wearing you down and forcing you to agree with them.

Bullies continue to bully you. In fact, they intensify the bullying. But, understand that they do this for a reason.

And that reason is to wear you down until you’re is so tired of having to fight. Standing up for yourself takes a lot of energy. It puts you in survival mode.

Being in survival mode for a long time only tires you out. It depletes you of energy. This is how your bullies weaken you and take the fight out of you.

If you aren’t careful, you’ll grow so tired you’ll likely give up. And once you give up, your bullies have you right where they want you.

As a result, you’ll shut down, grow numb to the abuse and surrender to the bullies.

3. Becoming Highly Aggressive When you Call Out the Abuse

Bullies may try to maintain power by become extremely aggressive. Understand that this is designed to make you afraid. If they can subdue you with fear, then you’re least likely to keep standing your ground.

Moreover, your bullies can continue to subjugate you and keep you quiet. It also allows them to escape accountability and clear the way for future attacks.

4. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Blaming and Shaming You

Bullies blame you to take the guilt away from themselves. Moreover, when you speak out about their abuse, they will shame you for opening your mouth.

They may call you a crybaby, a wuss, a whiner, or a tattle tale. However, whatever they call you, bullies do it to shame you into silence.

5. Isolating You (Divide and Conquer)

Bullies will try to isolate you through social aggression. They’ll spread rumors and lies about you. Also they may threaten and intimidate your friends and associates for having anything to do with you.

Understand that bullies pull this tactic to get your friends to stop talking to you. If they can impose a high penalty on your friends for associating with you, the more likely they are to turn their backs on you.

If they can do this, then they can cut you off from any support or protection you may otherwise receive.

Then, once you’re isolated, the bullies then move in for the kill and take the abuse to new heights.

But wait! Here’s another thing bullies may do.

If you express a desire to leave the environment (change schools or workplaces), the bullies may try to discourage you from leaving. Moreover, they’ll do it by convincing you that you won’t be treated any better anywhere else.

They may even try to block your transfer to cut off any means of escape.

6. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Trying to convince you that you need their approval to get along.

Bullies make themselves out to be superior. They’ll try to make you believe that you somehow need their approval. If bullies can make you depend on their permission, their power and control only increase.

Bullies do this by convincing you that they are the only ones who can better your situation. In other words, they want you to believe that only with their say so will you be able to make friends and enjoy positive relationships!

In that, they make you believe that you can’t find happiness and fulfillment unless they approve.

And they will tie conditions to that approval. In other words, the bullies will make you think you must submit to their every whim to get any approval.

And they will try to make you do things you don’t want to do, no matter how demeaning. However, understand that bullies don’t honor deals! Ever!

Therefore, they will never leave you alone! And they will never give you their seal of approval. You must realize that all this is only another ploy to assert domination!

7. Making Empty Promises

Bullies will make all kinds of empty promises to get you to submit to their wishes. However, bullies never keep promises.

“If you do this, I’ll go away quietly and leave you alone.”
“Do that for me and I’ll be your friend.”
“If you’d only do XYZ, I’ll make things easier for you.”

Don’t you believe any of it!

You must understand that you can never appease a bully. You might for the time being. However, They will always come back for more later.

Bullies will never go away. They only make empty promises to keep you under their control. Understand that bullies have an insatiable appetite for power.

Bullies are like bottomless pits. No matter what you do to please them, they’ll only continue the torment. Therefore, you must realize that no amount of abuse is ever enough for a bully.

Remember that bullies are addicted to power. Bullying is the only way they can get that power. Therefore, abusing you is like a drug to them and they can never get enough!

Bullying and Gaslighting:

So, How Do You Stop Bullies from Bullying You?

1. Keep standing up to them. Don’t back down!

Once you begin defending yourself against bullies, expect it to get worse before it gets better. Realize that when you start standing up for yourself, you will get a ton of resistance at first.

However, you must stay consistent! Don’t give up! Don’t give in! Consistency is key here!

The more they try to take you down, the more you push back until your bullies decide that you’re too much to handle. Then, once they get the message that messing with you comes at too great a cost, they’ll leave you alone and go find another victim.

This post is all about bullying and gaslighting so that you’ll know what to expect and continue standing up to bullies until they finally leave you alone for good!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

2. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of