‘Want to know the reasons that seeking approval invites more bullying? Here are all the reasons you must stop this self-defeating behavior now.
Too many victims suffer bullying so frequently and for so long they begin to look for any crumb of validation they can find. They think that somehow, kissing up will win them friends and allies.
But it only ends up doing the opposite. It only gets them doubly ridiculed and bullied. Also, it attracts even more users and abusers into their lives.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the reasons that seeking approval only gets you the exact opposite of what you want and how to let go of it.
Once you learn this vital information and put it to practice, you will be amazed at the positive changes that come into your life.
This post is all about approval seeking, how and why it sabotages your social life, and what you can remedy it.
Seeking Approval
5 Things That Happen When you Seek Approval and 3 Ways to Turn It Around
1. You lose your freedom and autonomy to be yourself and to do what you want to do.
In other words, you give away your personal power and become a slave to the thoughts and opinions of others.
You unwittingly put yourself at the mercy and whims of someone else. Therefore, you give away your personal power.
2. You lose sight of your goals and aspirations and replace them with goals of being liked, approved of, and favored by others.
And the fact is, there’s no guarantee that you will be liked, approved of, or favored. Why? Because there’s no way you can control the thoughts, opinions, actions, or words of other people.
You must realize that you are the only person in the entire world that you can control. Therefore, this makes it that much more important that you keep your focus on you.
Understand that you are your only guarantee. At the end of the day, all you have is you.
3. You stop being creative.
You only become a carbon copy of someone else, their style, and their way of thinking and doing things. When you do this, your creativity suffers. It’s much better to be original!
Think of it like a painting. No one wants a cheap knock off. They’d rather have the original because it’s much more valuable.
4. Seeking Approval:
You copy others.
When you copy others, you give up the ability to think for yourself. Instead of having opinions of your own, you conform to the opinions and beliefs that are most popular.
You say what others want to hear and do what others want you to do and how they want you to do it. In short, you allow yourself to be programmed and become a robot!
Understand that not everyone will like you or support you. And not everyone will want the best from you or for you. Some may, in fact, hate you and judge you harshly. Moreover, they may even derail you from your goals and sabotage your success.
Understand that when you seek validation and approval, you only look for permission from others. And it will leave you feeling controlled and imprisoned.
It’ll also erode your self-esteem. Each time you engage in approval-seeking behavior, you lose a piece of yourself until you completely forget who you are.
Remember the painting analogy. An original painting is more precious than a cheap, knock-off copy. No one wants a copy, they always want the original!
5. Instead of setting your own standards, you only conform to the standards of others (mainly bullies and abusers).
Understand that a bully’s standards are unachievable. Why? Because no matter what you do, who you are, where you’re from, or what you have; bullies will always- always move the goalposts.
In other words, they’ll change the rules, and find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.
Therefore, you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.
Bullies will always find ways to target you.
Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Therefore understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress. It’s not about your hair, makeup, hobbies, favorite music, family, or anything they make fun of. No!
Seeking approval:
Bullying is about power and control.
It’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself. Furthermore, it’s about taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.
What if they make fun of your personality?
We all have quirks. Never change your personality. Continue to be yourself. Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow.
Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking. So, understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval.
And you know what? You don’t need their approval.
Therefore, continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.
Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you. So, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations.
They don’t know you the way you do and you’re a separate person from them. Always remember that.
So, how do you turn it around?
1. You start by accepting and loving yourself.
This means embracing all parts of yourself- the good, the bad, and the ugly!
2. Stop Seeking Approval by Counting all the qualities of yourself that you’re proud of.
Everyone has great qualities. Find yours, and list them.
3. Ditch and Switch.
In other words, walk away from the negative people who make you feel bad about yourself. And don’t look back! Rid yourself of the haters, the naysayers, the whiners, complainers, and those with self-defeating attitudes.
Replace them with people who love you, who want nothing but your best. Seek people who lift you up and those you feel safe around.
Choose people who are happy and who take responsibility for their lives. Get rid of those who bellyache and blame others for their misfortunes.
Realize that once you do these things, you might get a lot of push-back at first. Many people get threatened and angry anytime you make positive changes in your life. Therefore, they may give you tons of grief for it.
But realize that people give you a hard time because they were benefiting from your approval-seeking behavior. And trust me! They don’t want to lose those benefits.
Also, understand that we live in a world full of copycats. In other words, most people only conform and seek approval themselves. So, it’s only natural that you get a ton of flack when you finally stop kissing ass.
Therefore, embrace the push-back and keep doing what’s right for you. To hell with what others think about it!
Only you know what’s right for you. No one else knows your inner reality but you. So, trust that and trust yourself.
I guarantee that you’ll be surprised at how it’ll change your life for the better. And you’ll only thank yourself for it later!
Life Begins When We Stop Seeking Approval
Interestingly, the people you seek approval from are mostly people who could care less about you. Even worse, you may seek approval from your bullies.
Therefore, understand that these people have absolutely zero respect for you. And to beg for their approval is counterproductive, not to mention, demeaning!
So, stop begging for validation from people who don’t deserve the time of day from you. Instead, ask yourself these questions.
- If these people never gave a damn about me, then who are they that I should seek approval from?
- Who are they that I must impress?
- Are they really so important that I should pretend to be someone I’m not?
- Who are they that I have to lie?
- Who are they that I must expend so much of my effort and energy for?
- Are these creeps people I should chase and crawl up behind?
- Who are they that I should beg?
Never Give Anyone Value They Haven’t Earned
Notice those last two questions and the words “chase,” “crawl up behind,” and “beg.” They will immediately jump out at you and may even make you angry.
And you know what? They should. Remember that you’re seeking their approval.
Therefore, those three things are basically what you’re doing. Never seek approval from bullies, abusers, or anyone who neither respects you nor gives a crap about you.
Why? Because, when you do, you are, in a sense, giving them value they haven’t earned.
If, at any time, you must suppress parts yourself to gain acceptance from another person, you short change yourself. Realize that bullies will never add value or benefit to your life.
Therefore, they haven’t earned the honor and privilege of being in your life. They don’t even deserve to be in your presence.
When you submit to and follow the standards of others for the sake of validation and acceptance, you only lower your own standards.
Stop Seeking Approval from Anyone Who Isn’t Worthy of you.
In other words, stop busting your butt to impress others because you don’t need validation from them. Their opinions need not apply.
If anyone ever tries to impose their rules and standards on you, especially if they aren’t an asset to your life, you have not only a right but an obligation to yourself to tell that person to go crawl back under the horse-apple they wormed and wiggled their way from beneath.
Stop giving these creeps things they have no business having – your power and your freedom! And stop handing them control over your life! These are things they have no right to.
Your personal power and freedom are yours and yours alone. And if you give away those precious commodities, your bullies will only exploit, use, and abuse them.
However, once you take them back, your life will only get better. Take it from me. I’m living proof.
Life begins when you stop caring about their opinions and begin living life on your terms. Try it. I guarantee that you’ll thank yourself later!
Don’t you know you deserve to be happy?
This post is all about seeking approval and why it only exacerbates bullying.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last
2. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps
3. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.