You’re a Target but Not a Victim!

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During the last year, an epiphany has occurred to me and I’ve begun to stray away from the word “victim.” More and more, I have replaced that word with the word, “target.” I’ve come to realize that, yes, I was a target but, was I ever a victim?

I want to tell you that if you’re being bullied, could it be that you’re not a victim but a target? And could it be that you’re a target not because you’re weak or inferior, but because you’re a threat? Because your voice and your very being are powerful?  So powerful, it scares them to death?

Believe it or not, being a victim has a lot to do with mindset and words have enormous power- in other words, if you’re a victim, you’re right, but if you’re not a victim but a target, you’re also right. A victim mentality can only bring about more abusers, more abuse, and therefore, more victimhood.

Do you want that?

If you survived bullying, you’re no longer a target. And it could be that you never really were a victim. But you are a victor! That’s right! You’re a winner because you’re an overcomer!

Victim mentality is the downfall of many survivors of bullying. It keeps you down, keeps you defeated, keeps you oppressed, and keeps you a “victim.” This kind of thinking also keeps you dependent. It breeds laziness and the attitude that the world owes you something. Or it leads to resignation, hopelessness, and the attitude of defeat. It’s the root of a condition called, “Learned Helplessness.”

Do you know what’s worse? It also has the undertones that you’re somehow inferior. You’re not!  When you have the victim mentality, you’re afraid of taking back your power because to do so requires personal responsibility.

Taking back your power means that you make your own reality and make your own decisions, your own path, and your own successes, all of which require that you take risks and risk the possibility of failure.  And yes! It’s scary!

You must create your own happiness and whether you know how to do that, the responsibility is still there and always will be.

Again, the victim mentality requires that, subconsciously, you feel inferior and I want you to know with every fiber of your being that, you’re inferior to no one! It dictates that you think that you’re nothing without the consent of another person, entity, or higher power and that’s wrong!

Who is anyone to decide who you are or what you can do?

I’m not a victim. Yes, when I was young and being bullied, I felt like a victim and thought I was. But was I really? Although the memoir about the bullying I endured is entitled, “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying), was I really a victim? I’ve come to realize that I was a target. I was never a victim!

I say this because I had the victim mentality when I was young, and it almost ruined my life. Please don’t let it ruin yours. I realize that being a target of bullying is one of the hardest things a person can endure. But one thing your bullies can’t take is your mind unless you allow it. Please don’t allow them to change your thought patterns because that’s what they want and you deserve better- much better!

I was fortunate that my eyes were opened and that I managed to shed negative thinking and adopt a winning attitude. But many victims stay stuck in a self-defeating mindset, continue to have the worst luck, and lose all hope.

In closing, know that no matter how bad things get, there’s always hope. Hold on to it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

27 thoughts on “You’re a Target but Not a Victim!”

  3. Stella Reddy says:
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    Great post Cherie! I was a target of Tenant Bullies. I never felt like a victim, but there was a time I did lose my mind and my autotomy for awhile, but I managed to get it back, as I fought for it. I always had the thought in the back of my head that what they were saying against me, was wrong. I kept that feeling, and over time, it got stronger. Facing my fears, knowing my truth, and having such hope for my future, kept me going. I am here now today, because my Hope was stronger than my Fears.

  6. Simone E says:
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    So powerful! Victimhood can definitely destroy someone’s ability to move on with their lives and aim for greatness. It’s amazing that within the pain you were able to work on this invaluable point and decide that you were stronger than all that was trying to get you down!
    Way to go Cherie 🥰

  10. mediarteducation says:
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    Something that is not said during therapy and legal process , is the violent people have more fear than the target, so they “try” to control all, but even with that feature, still responsible of any damage. By the target side, each one of us, we have the courage to set limits , request the repair of the impact , being supported and move away.

    • cheriewhite says:
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      These are awesome pointers! 💯 And you’re so right! The violent really are the cowards a d the target’s are the brave ones simply because of the courage to set boundaries. Thank you so much!

  11. 80smetalman says:
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    Once again, Cherie, you are speaking directly to me. As a result of the bullying I suffered, I would go into ‘victim mode’ in many situations. It was when I realized that it did me more harm than good, I went from victim to victor, like you.

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