If you’re a survivor of bullying and abuse and you finally begin speaking out about your bullies and their abusive behavior, you instantly put them on high alert. You put them in defense mode, and they will do one, some, or all of four things:
1. Lash out at you. This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. They’ll scream and yell at you, they’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God. I know it’s difficult to do, but don’t panic and don’t be afraid.
See it for what it is- you just forced them to reveal their true colors because when your bullies (or former bullies) attack you by getting enraged and flying off the handle, that’s when you know you’ve busted them. Or, more appropriately, you’ve forced them to bust themselves! Yay for you!
2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face. Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively, claiming they never bullied or mistreated you. They may even through out subtle hints that you must’ve misinterpreted them or that you “have everything misconstrued.” Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is gaslighting and it speaks volumes about their character.
3. Defame you. The second you see their bullying and abuse for what it is and call it out, is the second bullies and abusers lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others. And they will tell everyone who will listen what a lowdown piece of garbage you are.
But, as difficult as it may be, don’t let it phase you. Realize that they’re panicking and in a mad rush to do some damage control because they’re afraid that word about their true nature just might get around and cause them to lose face.
Most of the time, your former bullies and abusers will tell others that you’re “crazy” and that you’re having some sort of mental episode. Again, they’re only revealing their true colors because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care and wouldn’t react so desperately. So, always see this as an admission of guilt.
4. Avoid you. These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared. Understand that this is the best outcome because if they’re avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them abusing and bullying you again. Why? Because they know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already very quickly circulating.
So, the last thing they want is to do anything that has even a scant possibility of making them look guilty because they fear their reputations are already on shaky ground. Although these people are cowards, they’re making the smartest move by simply staying away from you and avoiding even mentioning your name.
However, be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long, they may avoid you long enough to defame you to others or they just might be secretly plotting revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in different ways and may use any or all four of the above defensive measures.
You must realize that bullies and abusers, even those who are formerly so, count on your silence and they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed. Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them because they risk losing respect in the community and other people seeing them for the monsters they are.
Bullies make everything about appearances and when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them.
So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make statements such as:
“Well, we were just kids then.”
“But that’s all water under the bridge.”
“Just let bygones be bygones.”
”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”
They may tell you to “get over it” or accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.
But they have other objectives as well:
1. To minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
2. To make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
3. To cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations or any backlash they might receive.
Again, don’t be afraid. Instead, see it as they’re unwittingly revealing themselves and let them go at it. Let them launch their personal attacks.
Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point: When you speak out about your bullies and their abuse, you force them to explain themselves. Anyone who must explain and justify themselves or their behavior is never in a powerful position.
So, in forcing your bullies to explain themselves you instantly snatch them out of their position of power and move them into a vulnerable position. In other words, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a very helpless and subordinate place. In short, you strip them of power. Ouch!
In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly remove their “authority”- their power because neither power nor authority ever explains itself. It doesn’t have to.
Hence the reason bullies despise even the thought of having to give explanations because it puts them in a weak and subordinate position.
No wonder bullies get crazy when you out them.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
0 thoughts on “4 Things Bullies and Abusers Do When You Finally Speak Out About Their Abuse”
An excellent poem followed by very interesting and useful information. You did a splendid job, today. Great work.
Thank you so much! 💖 I’m so grateful for your kindness and encouragement. 😊
the worst thing is he s my kid
he does revisionist childhood
i call him out on it
i dont hate him
i hate his bad modes of acting out
Keep helping him by calling him out. It may take a while but he will learn. 💖
oh he knows but he just likes the easiness of being toxically negative. a laziness. sloth.
seems you abandoned twitte.r jan 25 is my one year date of being kicked off ala trump. hmff/.
I deleted my account on Twitter- it’s a virtual nut house rife with psychopaths. I didn’t want to be in that kind of cyber environment.
i used to love it. but yeah they got too toxic. so i do not miss it.,
Me neither. I’m glad I left that cesspit!
fr tilley nailed it kindness. honesty. a man with family in germany and a dog named edelweiss.
he s 31 and already knows about the seeds you sow.
Oh, I didn’t know he was grown. One of these days he’s going to realize your value and it’s likely to be too late. 😢
Thank you, so true. ❤
You’re most welcome, Tonya. 😊 💖🦋
I am kind of glad that I am far away from those who bullied me because if I pulled them up on it now, they would use all of those points as their ‘defense.’ Well done, Cherie.
Thank you so much, Michael. And being far away from them is better because they never deserved to be in your life to begin with.
That’s a great way to look at it.
Thank you, Michael. 😊
Yes! 💯 💯 💯
Thank you so much. 😊🤗💖
We cannot even appeal to their humanity if they have none. This is a shocking lesson I’ve learned the hard way.
I never thought of it in those terms but you’re absolutely right. 💯 Thank you so much! You just gave me an idea for a future post. 😊
Oh, thank you! I’m so happy, comrade. We are in this together in sharing about such abuses. 💫
Absolutely! We are a team! 💪(Rah-Rah!) 😁
tu parles en anglais
Yes, I do.
Someday, we should write a post together. 🤗
Awesome! 😃 I would love to write a post with you! 💖
tu pales anglais
Oui. Pourquoi ?
tu fais quoi
Thank you, Cherie, for your insights into a topic swept under the carpet due to fear and shame. ♥♥♥
My pleasure. 💖💖💖 I’m always happy to shed light on bullies and bullying. Putting a name on the tactics allows for easier discussion, reporting, telling of your story, and most of all, healing. 🕊🦋🌸🌈
Interesting and informative
Thank you so much! 😊
I am a firm believer in standing up for yourself and if necessary calling the person out. I believe when they start pulling, confront them and stand up for yourself. Give them the opportunity to apologize and back off. If they continue (and most will but there are exceptions) then start calling them out.
You nailed it there! 💯🎯 It’s a good belief to have!
Cherie girlfriend, now this right here is a gut puncher:
“They may tell you to “get over it” or accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.”
Yes honey, step up and stand up for yourself. If you don’t, they will take you down in a heartbeat and think nothing of it! Thanks for sharing my friend! You always provide some very valuable information. Don’t stop girlie! 💪🏼🏃🏼♀️✍🏼
Thank you so much, sweetie! And you can be sure that I won’t stop until I’m dead. 😁💖🕊🦋
LMBO! You still might ask God, can you give me just a few more days? 🤔 I’m wrapping up my last piece against these demon bullies right now! I appreciate it! 😝🙏🏼🤣 Amen! 😜
Bahahaha! I definitely will ask Him to give me more time! <3
You go ahead Cindi Lauper! ⏰⏳⌚ Time After Time! Ok, I’m not starting this with you tonight Cherie! I’m getting ready to go all in with my hot chocolate!!! 😂☕😜 Hopefully I will be able to catch me some 💤💤💤🥱😴
I don’t blame you girl! 😂🤣 Go have that hot chocolate! Then have you a good soak in the bathtub! You’ll sleep like a baby! 💤💤💤😴😴😴
I’m counting on those results from your fab suggestions my dear. You don’t have to tell me twice! Have a wonderful night yourself girlfriend. Sleep tight!!! 🛁🛏🥱
You too, sweetie! <3
This is all familiar…bullies will do anything to avoid seeing themselves…I’ve always been “crazy” for speaking out, etc . Thanks…👍👍
You’re most welcome.💖 I think the “crazy” moniker is a typical name they give you when you’re a person who’s outspoken and takes no crap.
yes, true …thanks 😍😍
You’re most welcome. 😊
Thank you so much. 😊
You have basically described my family. They abuse me or Gas Light me all the time and I just deal with it. Because, until I can get away from them financially I will be unable to confront them. Thats part of the reason I started blogging again
Oh my goodness! My heart breaks for you! 💔 I know you feel entrapped and I’m so sorry! Know that I’m here and I support you! Keep blogging! Because blogging and writing are great ways to get what you need to say out!
Thank you Cherie, Honestly I wonder why it still affects me because I know what they are like as human beings but in my heart, they are my blood family so I care about them as well, despite all they have done to me.
It will always affect you, sweetie. Because you’re a human being with feelings, thoughts, and desires. It’s not something we can shut off, though we’d sure like to sometimes. 😢
I dont ever want to shut that off because if I do, I turn into my abusers. I think that would be the end of me if I turned into them
I completely understand- you don’t want to stoop to their level and that’s a good thing. 👍💖
Thank you for sharing this. I’m attempting to unravel myself by sharing snippets of my experience through writing
You’re very welcome, Emma! I’ve read your post and it was very powerful and emotion-stirring. I’m so sorry he treated you so badly, sweetie. But know this- it’s what makes him a bad person, not you. Know that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you did nothing to deserve his abuse. Know that you’re a very beautiful lady and you deserve someone who loves and respects you. Sending lots of love your way! 💖💞🌹💐
Bless you thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️
You’re very welcome. 🤗🤗🤗
Btw, I hope my comment on your post went through.