You not only never forget the bullies, but you also remember the people who were there- the people who had the power to help you but did nothing. Many times, the bystanders who saw it never tried to intervene and stop the attacks, nor did they speak up on my behalf.
As much as I hate to say it, I was guilty of the same thing. When I watched a few others get bullied, I said and did nothing, thinking that if I did speak up, my voice wouldn’t make a difference. Other times, I was just damn glad that, for a change, I wasn’t the one targeted and that it was someone else taking heat for a change.
For this, I am very remorseful and would like to apologize to all the other targets I left to fend for themselves. I’m truly sorry.
Here are the reasons bystanders do nothing to help a target of bullying:
1. They’re afraid of arousing the bullies’ anger and becoming the next target. No one wants to be a target of bullying. I get that. Many bystanders fear getting involved and for good reasons. However, many bystanders do have some power because they’re high on the social hierarchy. And the higher you are in the pecking order, the more weight your actions and words carry. So, why not use your power to help the target? Because if you’re extremely popular, the chances are that other bystanders will follow your lead and join you, and the bully will leave the victim alone. There’s strength in numbers.
2. The bystanders see the bullies’ torment of the target as entertainment. Bullies always bully in front of an audience to humiliate the target. During altercations between bullies and targets, bystanders immediately gather around to watch it go down.
Most bystanders then stand around, laughing and pointing fingers. Many of them cheer and egg the bully on, stirring it up to get more entertainment, all of which only encourages the bully to continue and even escalate the abuse.
As long as it isn’t them getting dogged out or having their brains beat in, most bystanders think it’s funny to see it happen to someone else.
It’s the reason that instead of helping the target, bystanders will automatically whip out their smartphones and record the confrontation. Then, they can watch it later, send the film to their friends and have another big laugh over it.
But! It’s not the least bit funny to the target. It’s painful and humiliating. It can be devastating to a victim who has already been a target of bullying for an extended time and can drive them over the edge.
3. The bystanders themselves either dislike or hate the target. In many cases, bullies have run vicious smear campaigns and turned everyone against their victims. When an altercation finally breaks out, the bystanders refuse to help the target because they think she deserves the abuse. Many times, these bystanders secretly or openly take pleasure in seeing the target suffer.
They may stand around snickering or join the bullies in tormenting the target. Often, the bullies are only doing to the victim what many of the bystanders wish they had the stones to do themselves. So, they get complete satisfaction in seeing someone else attack the target. Bystanders often hate the victim so much that they would defend a total stranger before they would protect the victim they hate so intensely.
4. They don’t want to get involved. Many bystanders figure that it’s none of their business and choose not to get involved. These bystanders are so indifferent that they won’t even stop and watch. They will only pass by and keep going. They don’t care. Period.
Understand that bullies always perform in front of an audience to show their superiority, strength and power. Bystanders who do nothing to stop the attacks, only silently support and encourage the bullies. These bystanders are just as guilty as the psycho bullies who perpetuate the attacks.
Often, bystanders either don’t understand or underestimate the power they have, especially in large numbers. When witnesses do speak up for the target, the bullies will more than likely stop and leave the victim be.
Bystanders can become upstanders when they show compassion and reach out to help a victim of bullies. Don’t be a bystander; be an upstander
0 thoughts on “Bystanders: The Cold, Hard Truth”
Cherie, the funny thing is I can remember some of those bystanders when I was being bullied. Crazy?
It’s not crazy. We remember the people who could’ve done something and didn’t. And it makes you feel sold out at the time it’s happening.