‘Want to know about recovery from bullying and what to expect once you leave the toxic environment you were bullied in? Here are all the details!
After you finally escape a bullying environment, you must take time to heal. Moreover, the healing may take a while. But! Know that you can do it! You can overcome bullying and move on to a more productive and rewarding life.
In this post, you will learn all about the long recovery from bullying from someone who has been there.
Once you learn all about these encouraging details, you will be much more excited for your future. Moreover, you will look forward to the day you find peace and happiness.
This post is all about recovery from bullying so that you can finally rest and heal. And, for the first time in a long time, you can finally look forward to a brighter tomorrow.
Recovery from Bullying
The healing didn’t happen overnight.
The trial by fire ended during my senior year. I could hardly believe it was over! I was finally transferring to a brand new school, where I could start anew, with a clean slate.
My new school, Roseberg High, felt like a paradise! Everyone there accepted me as I was, and I made so many new friends. For the first time in six years, I felt safe again!
Moreover, I could relax and be myself.
I felt as if my life was finally beginning. And I could finally put the bullying from the old school behind me.
However, this brand new start didn’t come without a few hang-ups. The last several months at Roseburg were the best of all four years of high school.
But I didn’t realize that I was still carrying a lot of leftover baggage from the severe abuse I suffered at the old school.
There were afternoons during my first month at Roseburg when I’d have a long cry after I got home. Being four months pregnant at the time, I mistook the tears for the raging hormones of pregnancy.
Recovery from Bullying:
Mourning the years I could never get back.
However, I realize now that the crying was a sign I hadn’t recovered yet.
Though I loved my new school and all the people there, I regretted not being able to transfer earlier. I was grieving the loss of so many years. And these were years that I could never get back.
My then-husband worked a twelve-hour graveyard shift. Therefore, I spent most nights at home alone. In the afternoons, he would be asleep when I’d come in from school.
So, I had plenty of time to grieve.
Flashbacks.
During those first weeks away from the bullying, I also suffered flashbacks. And they would come automatically and without warning.
I had flashbacks of my old bullies shoving me to the floor, brutally beating me up, and yelling and cursing me out. At night I’d have nightmares.
I would dream that I was swimming in a lake and enjoying the water. Suddenly a terrible feeling would sweep over me and I’d stop and look around.
I would see my classmates from Oakley High and they were also in the water. They surrounded me. Afterwards, one of them would push my head underwater.
I’d fight like hell to come back up for air. However, as soon as I’d get my head above water and gasp for breath, they’d shove me back under again.
Once more, I’d have to hold my breath and fight with my arms flailing in the water. I tried so hard to get away from them.
Recovery from Bullying:
Bad Dreams.
Finally, I couldn’t hold my breath any longer. And I wasn’t strong enough to fight them off. Therefore, I had no other choice but to give up the fight to live.
Just as I inhaled and felt the searing burn of water fill my lungs, I’d wake up with a jolt. I had this same dream almost every night.
Also, I remember having another dream where one of my old bullies hunted me down and shot me. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, so frightened I couldn’t move a muscle.
I’d only lay there, trembling in the darkness.
A range of emotions.
During my first month out, I also dealt with a lot of sadness and anger. Luckily, it didn’t show. Roseburg High was my happy place. And while I was there during the day, I didn’t have those emotions, nor did I have any flashbacks.
The sadness, anger, flashbacks, and dreams only happened when I was home alone or sleeping. I wanted so badly to forget about Oakley and live in the present.
During that month, I also felt a degree of shame. However, I soon realized that the shame wasn’t mine to bear. But I couldn’t understand what was happening to me.
I would often think to myself,
“What’s wrong with me? I’m out of that hellhole now! I should be happy! And I am. But why do I keep having these episodes of crying and feeling angry any time I’m alone?”
When I felt angry, I wasn’t mad at my former classmates. I was angry at myself for allowing them to tear me down the way that they did.
I felt like a battered wife who’d just left her abusive husband! Recovery from bullying isn’t easy. In fact, it’s tough. And it takes a lot of work!
Recovery from Bullying:
Getting over the trauma of bullying.
I was fortunate, though. It didn’t take long for the raw emotions to subside. The flashbacks, and the nightmares slowly went away too.
Finally, I could begin focusing on making great memories with my Roseburg classmates. During the first month, I had allowed myself to feel and to cry.
I talked to a few of my most trusted family and friends.
Moreover, I realized that I wasn’t wrong to have those emotions. They were signs that something was terribly wrong in my previous environment.
I also began to understand that I wasn’t what was wrong. I’m thankful that I didn’t bury those emotions like so many survivors of bullying do.
Also, I concluded that what I experienced was the release of emotions that had, for a long time, been suppressed.
Releasing suppressed emotions.
They were emotions that I wasn’t allowed to have in the old environment. In fact, I was afraid to show them, even feel them, because I knew they’d see right through me.
Then, they would punish me with more bullying. The only alternative I had was to keep those emotions buried deep.
And although my parents had been well-meaning, there were times that neither of them could handle the intense crying.
Therefore, only after I got out of there did they begin to pour forth.
Recovery from bullying:
A roller coaster ride.
After a month of riding that roller coaster, everything finally subsided. I felt like a new person!
I didn’t get any therapy, although I should have. Besides, I was young, newly married, and expecting my first child. Therefore, everything was changing so fast I could barely keep up.
So, I worked through it on my own. As I mentioned earlier, recovery takes hard work.
I had the help of a new and nourishing environment, a few trusted people, and new friends. Therefore, I was able to get through the horrible after-effects of bullying and peer abuse.
I began to set goals to learn about computers. Also, I made Honor Roll at my new school. As my grades skyrocketed and I achieved those goals. And my confidence shot through the roof!
Most survivors aren’t as fortunate.
Sadly, most survivors of bullying aren’t as lucky as I was. Many take years to even get through the grief.
Bullying stays with you. For some, the trauma can last a lifetime.
Graduation and after.
Graduation was bittersweet. I was happy to finally graduate high school. However, I was also sad. Why? Because I would miss my classmates and teachers from Roseburg High.
It all ended too soon.
My first five years post-graduation was full of ups and downs. I struggled with bouts of depression and didn’t know why. I was on the roller coaster again and desperately wanted to get off but didn’t know how.
Having babies and being a post-partum new mother only doubled the depression that was already there.
As the years wore on, I lived, and I worked. I was a mother of two small children but only going through the motions and surviving. In fact, I was only existing. It felt as if I was living on autopilot. But then, something amazing happened!
Recovery from Bullying:
The Article that Changed My Life.
In 1995, I came across a magazine article while on my lunch break at work. The article was about a kid severely bullied by his class.
Like me, his bullies had tormented him so horrifically that he thought about suicide. However, he too had eventually transferred to another school.
And his life changed for the better. He, too, had made a complete turnaround. Finally, he got the chance to experience the friends, fun, and excitement that high school was supposed to be.
Reading this article was a turning point for me. In fact, finding it was one of the best things that happened to me!
This article answered so many questions. Moreover, it confirmed that none of the abuse I’d suffered at my classmates’ hands was my fault.
The piece was also validation that there was never anything wrong with me. It only cemented the truth I’d always known deep down inside. That I wasn’t to blame for their abuse!
My classmates were the perpetrators. They had the issues. And they had held me responsible for problems that were theirs, not mine.
With this confirmation came my empowerment!
During those years, many people, including a few well-meaning family members, had often told me that the bullying I suffered was all in my imagination. Also, they’d tell me that it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be.
Many more had said to me that I brought it all on myself. However, deep down, I knew better. There were times, I may have doubted it, but I held on to the truth.
In my heart, I had known the truth years before I read this piece and held on to it. Maybe this personal knowledge was why I resisted my bullies and fought back, even if it meant getting hurt.
And maybe it was why I suffered so many physical assaults. Nevertheless, I needed confirmation – a second opinion of sorts. And that magazine article was exactly what I needed.
At that moment, everything fit together like a perfect puzzle! I cannot express the relief I felt. It was as if it had lifted an enormous weight off my shoulders. My heart began to soar!
Recovery from Bullying:
Bullying is Abuse.
For the first time, I saw the bullying for what it was. Abuse!
I thirsted for even more knowledge of bullying and the human predator/prey dynamic. From that day forward, I read everything I could get my hands on.
I devoured magazine articles, essays, books, online articles, everything that pertained to bullying and peer abuse.
There were so many unanswered questions.
- “What was it about me that made me a target?”
- “How had my bullies been allowed to get away with their brutality?”
- “What was it about my bullies that made them so charming and good to everyone else?”
- “What were the ingredients to their charm and allure?”
- “Where had their intense hate and mean-spiritedness come from? What had precipitated it?”
- “Had they too been abused, or were they just spoiled, coddled egomaniacs infected with schadenfreude?”
So many questions haunted me and increased my curiosity. Therefore, I continued digging for information, like a police detective eager to solve a case.
Recovery from Bullying:
Tim Field
During the late nineties, I came across Tim Field’s BullyOnline.org and hungrily read every one of his articles. The website was massive, and it took a while to read.
I went through it with a fine-toothed comb. If I had questions, I emailed Tim, and he would always reply in a timely and courteous manner.
Sadly, Mr. Field is no longer with us. He passed away from cancer years ago.
It’s been almost thirty years since I found the article that changed my life. And I cannot tell you how many sources of information I’ve poured through.
Moreover, I can’t measure the truckloads of knowledge I’ve attained. Nor can I tell you how much the knowledge has empowered me.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Between experience and almost three decades of reading and research, I’ve gained insights that have given me a whole new perspective of bullies and bullying.
That article back in 1995 set me on a path to greater knowledge. Moreover, it gave me a passion for helping other bullying victims through writing and advocacy.
I’ve found what I love to do, and it is so rewarding!
I thank God for placing that article in front of me that day at work. Otherwise, I might still be wandering in the dark and trying to find my way.
That magazine article truly changed my outlook on the bullying I suffered. I no longer see it as something that ruined my life. No.
Recovery from Bullying:
My life’s work.
I see the bullying as an event that gave me a fiery passion for using my experiences to help those who endure bullying today. It showed me my life’s work. And, through that, it gave me peace and happiness.
Therefore, I do not hate my bullies. And I don’t need to take revenge. Turning abuse around to the benefit of others is how I turn my pain into power!
And that’s the best revenge you can ever take!
If you’re a victim of bullying, know this. What’s happening to you is wrong and it isn’t your fault. You never asked to be brutalized. You do matter, and you are enough!
More importantly, you can turn your pain into your passion. You can also turn your pain into power! And this is how you overcome bullying.
This is what this entire website is about, overcoming bullying.
This post is all about my own recovery from bullying so that you’ll have the encouragement you need to stay strong. Moreover, it’ll give you hope for a brighter future!
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Healing from Bullying: 11 Amazing Recovery Tips
2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence
3. Bullying and Psychological Effects: 10 Emotions Victims Feel
4. Imbalance of Power in Bullying: 3 Sources of Power for Bullies
