Tag: standing up to bullies

calling the bluff meaning

Calling the Bluff: Ways Bullies React When You Stand Up to Them

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‘Want to know why calling the bluff is so effective in disarming bullies? Here’s why it works and how they react when you call their bluff.

calling the bluffSo, what does it mean to call someone’s bluff? According to Merriam-Webster, it means to challenge someone’s threat or statement because you don’t believe it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about calling the bluff, why it works, and how bullies react when you call their bluff.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be more emboldened to challenge bullies when they come around with threats and taunts.

This post is all about calling the bluff and everything that comes with it.

Calling the Bluff

As we all know, bullies are convincing liars. But what happens when they finally get called out on their lies and evil deeds? Let’s use scenarios to find out.

For example, you’re a target of bullying. You find out that the one friend you thought you could trust has been spreading your deepest secrets.

Also, they’ve been spreading lies behind your back while only pretending to be your best buddy. This can apply to both school and workplace environments.

When you confront her, here are her possible reactions.

1. She will deny it or try to avoid the subject.

How will you know she’s dishonest? She will deny it. Moreover, she may change the subject by discussing a topic irrelevant to the issue while appearing to be busy with a task. Girls are known for this.

2. She will become irate and go on a tirade.

She may yell and curse at you. Also, she may turn it back on you and accuse you of suffering from paranoia, being unhinged,  or being a crybaby.

But understand that she only looks and sounds desperate when she does this. Know that this is just another dead giveaway. Why? Because most bullies get highly defensive when they’re afraid they’re busted.

Understand that most bullies will get loud. They scream, yell, and pound their fists. They will curse and swear when they fear exposure.

However, don’t let this scare you because the dramatics and theatrics they display only mean that the bullies are desperate! And through their desperation, they only expose their guilt.

3. Calling the Bluff:

They will lay guilt trips on you.

For instance, the guilty person might say,

  • “Well, if you were my friend, you wouldn’t believe…”
  • “If you were a true friend to me, you wouldn’t even question my loyalty.”

Don’t buy that garbage. The person is just trying to make you feel guilty or trying to intimidate you into silence.

If your so-called friend was the only person you told any secrets to, it’s a safe bet they’re the one who spoke it without your permission. And if enough people tell you that she is saying things behind your back, especially people you’ve never met or had any dealings with, or people who aren’t a threat to you, she’s guilty!

Example 2:

You have a bully on your back, and you’ve finally had enough. You call them out on their bad behavior and begin speaking out about the abuse they dish out.

4. They will escalate the harassment to either punish you or intimidate you.

Understand that the bully is afraid of being exposed. Moreover, they’re scared of facing accountability and losing face. Therefore, they will stop at nothing to silence you.

‘You see? Bullies have their image to protect. And, when something or someone threatens to shatter that image, they become unhinged.

5. Calling the Bluff:

He will justify himself with full conviction.

  • “If you didn’t always make trouble, I wouldn’t have had to hurt you!”
  • “If you weren’t so ignorant, I wouldn’t give you such a hard time!”
  • “You made me do it because you always do this when you should do that!”
  • “If you would just do this, I wouldn’t have to do that!”
  • “You won’t shut up, so you deserve it!”

Isn’t it funny how they always seem to put it off on you? They love to blame you for their atrocious behavior, don’t they?

Also, they may make “you made me” statements.

  • “You made me hurt you.”
  • “You made me mad, so yeah, I hit you in the mouth.”
  • “You make people want to punch you.”

The other person may even say that you “had it coming” or “deserved it.” No, you didn’t! Again, don’t believe a word of it!

They chose to behave the way that they did. You never made that decision for them. Moreover, it’s impossible to control another person’s actions. Only they have that kind of power.

Therefore, don’t allow them to make you feel guilty. Continue to report the harassment. And keep speaking out about it.

You must protect yourself by speaking just as loudly and with just as much conviction as the bully. Make plenty of noise because the wheel that squeaks loudest gets the grease!

6. Calling the Bluff:

They will slander you to everyone who will listen and try to turn others against you.

Again, understand that this bully is afraid of being exposed. Moreover, she is fearful of losing control over you. So she spreads rumors and lies to discredit you. They also do it to distract others from their appalling and embarrassing behavior. If they can make you look like you instigated it, then they get off scot-free.

You must understand that if the bully can make you look bad and turn everyone else against you, they reap several benefits.

  • They can intimidate you into silence and avoid any future risks of exposure.
  • Also, they can discredit you, make themselves look like the victim, and, therefore, gain attention and sympathy from other people.
  • The bully can successfully cut you off from any support you might otherwise receive.
  • They get the green light to bully you again later and with impunity.
  • Moreover, they get to move up the social ladder and win more friends and allies.
  • And, they get the satisfaction of maintaining power, domination, and control over you.

As goes the old political quote from World War II, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.”

Understand that any smear campaign is designed to protect the guilty bullies from being exposed and shift blame onto innocent victims. It’s a tactic used since the beginning of time!

7. They will justify themselves.

  • Well, I wouldn’t have punched him if he hadn’t looked at me the wrong way. 
  • She wouldn’t have gotten hurt if she’d acted right.
  • If you’d only straighten up and fly right, you wouldn’t get beaten up all the time!

Bullies are forever making excuses for their rotten behavior. And, sadly, bystanders and witnesses fall for that garbage. But you don’t have to accept it.

So, don’t shut up no matter what! Continue to call out the bullies’ behavior! And if they react like any of the above, tell them like it is.

Instead of allowing them to silence you or going along with their hair-brained excuses, say this:

“The tirade isn’t going to work anymore,” or “Go ahead and lie all you want. Everybody knows this is only retaliation because I had the gall to expose your deplorable behavior! Right,(the bully’s name)? Is that what this is, (Bully’s name)?”

Be sure to say the bully’s name at the end of the above questions because that really shakes a bully when you put their name on it! If the bully says, “No!” Tell them in a fast and short tone, “Oh, yes, it is, and you know it, (Bully’s name)!”

Counter. Everything. They. Come. Back with!

8. Calling the Bluff:

They will threaten you with physical violence.

If they threaten to harm you physically, you must challenge that. Call their bluff. And be really to throw down if they put their hands on you.

In other words, if they hit you or shove you, haul off and punch them back. Remember that bullies don’t respond to diplomacy; they only respond to strength. Therefore, they will only back off if you give them a good whack in the nose.

This post is all about calling the bluff so that you know what to expect and how to handle any retaliation that bullies may throw at you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop a Bully: 9 Powerful Hacks You Can Use

2. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. When Bullies Lose Power Over You: 4 Things that Happen

when bullies lose power over you in school

When Bullies Lose Power Over You: 4 Things that Happen

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What happens when bullies lose power over you? Discover 3 things that happen when bullies realize they can no longer control you.

when bullies lose power over you

In this post, you will learn what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you’ll know what to expect.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be better equipped to prepare for your bullies’ reactions and protect yourself from any reprisals.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can be ready for anything they throw at you.

When Bullies Lose Power

When you take back your power, bullies react in various ways. This is because they feel a sense of dismissal or rejection when you stop letting them control you.

Nobody likes being rejected and dismissed – especially by someone they consider inferior. That’s a blow to the ego like no other!

When you finally dismiss a bully, oh my goodness! They lose it! Why? Because they thought for so long that you were too weak to stand up to them.

Therefore, the minute you finally stood your ground, you snatched your power back and left the bully powerless over you! And now the bully must go through the headache of finding a new target! Gasp!

1. If a bully cannot control you, they will attempt to control how others see you.

There are several reasons they do this. Number 1, they’re afraid that you’ll tell others the truth about them, so they do it to cover their backsides.

Number 2, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself.  And number 3, to close you off from any human connection and therefore, any protection.

Bullies know that if they can isolate you, they can reclaim their narrative. They can cut off any protection you might receive, then you are theirs for the taking, and they can move in for the kill.

Now, they can do with you whatever they choose, freely and with impunity. Why? Because if everyone is against you, the less likely they are to help you. Think about it. If everyone else is against you, then, in their minds, you deserve what’s happening to you.

Therefore, they will try to turn others against you.

Bullies want to, figuratively, hold you hostage. And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you “in your place.”

2. When Bullies Lose Power:

They will use physical violence if nothing else works.

Bullies will commit their violence either by assaulting you themselves or sending someone else to do it for them. This does not mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself, because you should.

However, when you do, be prepared. The torment may get worse before it gets better. But be strong. Be brave and know that it isn’t your fault.

3. The power dynamic shifts in your favor

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately reclaim your personal power. Moreover, you put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

You flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle rejection. They feel that they must always be in a position of power in the bully/victim relationship.

A bully gets angry enough when anyone stands up to them. But if the person standing up to them is someone they’ve grown accustomed to having power over, it makes them livid.

You must realize the reason for this. This is because you’re likely at the bottom of the pecking order. So, when you finally buck up and stand up to a bully, you, figuratively, trade places with the bully and put them on the bottom, if only for that moment.

When bullies lose power over you, here are their unspoken messages:

  • “How dare you!”
  • “Who is this phlegm-wad to stand up to me? ME!
  • “This piece of scum is supposed to be under me, and here she is talking to me and acting like she’s OVER me! Oh no! This can’t happen!
  • Who does this loser think she is!”
  • “The nerve of that &#$%!”
  • “She’s making trouble, and now I’ve got to really act out to put her back under me where she belongs!”

Bullies need raw power!

Understand that bullies rely on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion to get what they want. And they’ve been steamrolling you for so long that they’ve become quite arrogant and self-satisfied.

Do you know what happens when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and set your foot down? You will throw them off balance. And do you know what else you’ll do?

You’ll blast a huge hole in their ego and shock the hell out of them. And trust me when I tell you. Your bullies will become highly pissed!

In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. If the bully has narcissistic personality disorder (and most bullies do), they will go into a rage.

When bullies lose power over you, be prepared for anything.

If you are a victim of bullying and you finally grow a spine, your bullies will do anything they can to break it. They will escalate the bullying when you first stop accepting it.

Therefore, when you tell bullies to kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority over you. Again, bullies have delicate egos. And when the ego is at stake, people will act out.

Bullies are very prideful, and their pride takes a massive blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than be made inferior, especially to their targets.

4. They become vindictive.

Bullies despise boundaries. When you stand up to your bullies, be prepared for a battle of wills. Your bullies will seek revenge, and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

Realize that they don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. And they don’t care how you’ve suffered.

The only thing they are thinking about at this moment is that you challenged their superiority and authority. In their eyes, you are a victim and nothing else. In other words, you are beneath them.

And, still! You had the nerve to undermine them and make them look like punks. Now you must pay a price for it. This is how bullies think.

But don’t let that stop you from defending yourself, no matter what. You have a right to safety and to be treated with dignity.

You must do what you must to protect yourself.

If the bullying becomes too much to deal with, there’s nothing wrong with leaving the environment. Realize that leaving is not running. It’s not being fearful or “chicken.” It’s self-care, it’s smarts, and it’s self-preservation.

You must do what you must to protect not only your physical health, but also your mental health.

When Bullies Lose Power:

What Happened to me when I had the Chutzpah to Stand up to a Bully

This is precisely what happened when I unfriended an old bully classmate over snide comments on some of my posts. She became furious! She couldn’t stand it! And I’ve got to tell you. I’m laughing as I type this.

This half-crazed woman blew up my inbox. And with such vitriolic rage! Oh, my goodness!

How dare I! The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah of me! O-M-G! I’m such a fake! I’m such a pissy person who deleted her because I got called out! Oooooo! Poor baby! I’m such a weak little bitch who can’t take constructive criticism!

This is what she messaged me before I laughed and pushed that little godsend of a block button. I would’ve pushed the button sooner. However, I had to let it percolate a little.

I was getting a real kick out of her reaction, and I wanted to give her time to shoot herself in the foot. Sure enough, she did.

I took screenshots of her messages—one in which she repeatedly asked, “Why did you delete me?” Then I plastered them all over the internet. The icing on the cake was that some of the other classmates saw the screenshots too and they were shocked.

I exposed her before the eyes of some of her old high school buddies. That’s when that she-bully went even more berserk. And, I have to admit. It was so fun to watch!

I kid you not. There wasn’t enough popcorn in the world!

You see, this woman thought that I was weak in high school. She never bet on the possibility that I had smartened up a little since. So, I went ahead and let her assume what she wanted and trapped her with it.

Therefore, I want you to know that standing up to a bully isn’t as hard as you think. It’s quite easy if you don’t let intense emotions get in your way.

Bullies get their power from getting you emotional. And when you finally come to a place where they can no longer faze you, the better you’ll be able to use your head. You will find some leverage and use it as a weapon.

Understand that when bullies fly into a rage, they can no longer think clearly. That’s when you have the opportunity to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about what happens when bullies lose power over you so that you can know what to expect when you finally stand your ground.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

how to stop taking shit from people at school

How to Stop Taking Shit from People: 5 Ways to Empower Yourself

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Want to know how to stop taking shit from people? Here are all the things you need to know to empower yourself.

how to stop taking shit from people

When people bully you for long enough, there comes a time when you get sick of people’s crap.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stop taking shit from people and reclaim your power.

Once you learn these life-changing details, you will be a force to be reckoned with when the next bully tries to toy with you.

This post will teach you how to stop taking shit from people so that you won’t be afraid to stand up to bullies and take back your power and your life.

How to Stop Taking Shit from People

When your give-a-damn bursts, you will know it!

If you are a target of bullying, there are times when you get fed up with people’s crap. Then…BOOM! You snap on some creep who pushed you over your limit.

Believe me, I understand. If this has happened with you, I cannot fault you for it. I empathize with you wholeheartedly.

It’s not that you want to fight because you don’t. You intensely hate fighting. However, if you’re a 5’4”, 120 lb. teenage girl with a target on her back, what do you do? Stand there and let them jump you?

Like most targets, I too hated to fight, but there were times I didn’t have a choice. It was either fight or be beaten within an inch of my life.

Not only would the girls try to jump me, but the guys would too. And most of those redneck brutes had no qualms or reservations about beating up on a female, even one who was little.

Some of the bullies at Oakley High threatened me with a knife or a box-cutter, and it’s a wonder I got out of there alive.

But that’s what bullying does to people if they don’t have the proper psychological tools, confidence, or know-how to deal with it. It makes them feel powerless. Moreover, it makes them desperate and puts them in survival mode!

How to Stop Taking Shit from People:

Bullying throws you into constant survival mode.

In other words, it awakens your primal instincts. It rewires your brain in preparation for a hostile environment.

When you are a victim of bullying, you must live in constant vigilance and adrenaline. You must always be on high alert.

In other words, you must grow eyes in the back of your head and be prepared for danger every time you turn a corner. But it’s not normal to live that way all the time.

It gets both frustrating and exhausting after so long. And you will grow tired of it. You will become angry and bitter if you aren’t careful.

 After taking all you can take, you will show your booty to people. And you won’t just let off a little stream, you’ll blow a gasket!

The rage and bitterness only builds until it explodes.

Moreover, the longer you are bullied, the more it builds- the sense of injustice, the sadness, the rage. It all piles up.

We are all human, and no one can hold that crap inside forever. It doesn’t matter how resilient you are. It’s humanly impossible. You’re like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken up until it finally spews.

Like a dormant volcano that finally awakens, you erupt when that last creep sticks as much as a toe over your boundaries. Some people, you scare half to death, and they avoid you like the plague afterwards.

Others, you piss off even more and make them twice as determined to get you. A few see your tirade as personal entertainment. I did that a few times back when I was being bullied and abused at school.

There will be times when you yell, curse the bullies out, throw stuff, and slam doors. You will tell people to get the eff away from you and not to come back around.

Bullying can cause you to show the worst side of yourself. And when you do, the people who are there to see it won’t forget it.

How to Stop Taking Shit from People:

Personal Experience

I remember grabbing one girl by the hair and beating the living snot out of her in the library. This happened after she’d spent the last month getting in my face and taunting during the last class of the day.

Another bully received the business end of a fist after attempting to shove me down a flight of stairs. I remember running back up the stairs, whacking her upside the head with a fist, a second time with my purse, then a textbook.

The next thing I remember is dragging her down the stairs. She seemed to hit and bounce off every step going down.

Then, once I got her to the bottom, I beat and kicked her until a teacher and three other students pried me off her. These were only two of the many incidents that occurred during those years.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I’m proud of. Each time, I remember feeling terrible about it after it was over, and everything had cooled off.

Everyone has their breaking point.

No decent person wants to lose their cool and act like a fool. However, when you’ve been pushed and pushed, there is an eventual breaking point.

Yes, I got into fist fights. I won some fights but lost a few too.

Sadly, it all seemed to be a cycle. After getting bullied and bullied for several months, I’d snap. Moreover, some of the tiredness bled over into my home life.

Sadly, when bullies have worn you down, you’re too exhausted to even be there for the people you love when they have problems, too. You’re fresh out of patience and energy, and yes, even love.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, and as a result, you don’t give a crap about anything or anybody. All you want is to be left alone.

How to Stop Taking Shit from People:

Looking back

I look back now and realize that I didn’t handle the bullying the right way. Understand that if you don’t set healthy boundaries, this is what can happen.

So, how do you stop taking shit from people before it reaches a boiling point?

1. Set Boundaries from the very beginning.

In other words, you must stand up to the bullying when it first begins. Never wait until the bullying has gotten out of control.

Because if you keep taking shit off of people and then fight back after it’s gotten so bad, it won’t do you any good. Why? Because once people get used to treating you like crap, they won’t stop, even if you stand up to them. They’ll only double and triple down on it.

Once people have grown comfortable with bullying you, they won’t want to get out of that comfort zone. Therefore, it will be like pulling teeth to get them to stop.

It will take an act of Congress to get them to leave you alone. Start standing up for yourself now. You may be a target, but you don’t have to be a victim.

2. How to Stop Taking Shit from People:

Use confident body language for the very beginning.

Don’t slouch when you sit or stand. Stand and sit up straight with your shoulders back and head held high. Confidence is your first line of defense against bullying.

Additionally, maintaining good eye contact with others is essential. Avoid looking down or away.

Do everything you can to look confident.

3. Take pride in your appearance.

Appearance isn’t the end-all, be-all, but it helps. When you look good, you feel good. So, dress your best and take care of your hygiene.

To put it bluntly, don’t go to school or work looking like you just got out of bed. Look your best and you will feel your best. And when you feel your best, you are least likely to take shit off of others.

4. Walk away from drama.

Anyone who brings you drama doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. Therefore, cut them off. Life’s too short and you have better things to do than to put up with people who bring you drama.

Sometimes it’s best to walk away.

5. How to Stop Taking Shit from People:

See your bullies for the cowards they are.

Realize that bullies aren’t happy people. In fact, they’re quite pathetic. Therefore, learn to see them for the kinds of people they are, and their antics won’t bother you as much.

Why? Because you will know that their behavior says more about them than it does about you. So, don’t give them the power to rile you.

In conclusion:

Take it from someone who has gone through bullying

Today, I’m a much calmer and happier person than I used to be. Why? Because I’m more assertive and I set boundaries. If I say no or ask someone to please stop doing something when they violate my boundaries, and they insist on continuing the behavior, I either tell them to leave right then, or I walk away after telling the person exactly what I think of them. I then cut them out of my life.

You should do the same if this happens to you.

I have learned that, although you cannot control another person’s behavior, you do have control over your own and whether to continue having them in your life. And if you refuse to associate with a person, they no longer have easy access to you. Therefore, it’s not nearly as easy for them to get to you and harm you.

So, never allow people to bully you and get out of control with their abuse. Speak out when people violate your boundaries. It’s the only way to keep the pressure from building and reaching a boiling point.

This post was all about how to stop taking shit from people so that you can reclaim your peace and take back your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

2. “You Ain’t Shit!” – 5 Reasons Why Bullies Tell You This

3. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

4. Bullying and the Fight-or-Flight Response

5. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do

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Want to know why you get punished for defending yourself and what you can do? Here are all the details you need to know.

punished for defending yourself

Sadly, many victims of bullying end up getting punished for defending themselves. Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you get punished for defending yourself if you’re a victim of bullying. Also, you will learn what you can do about it.

Once you learn all this vital information, you will be able to push back effectively and protect your right to self-preservation.

This post is all about why you get punished for defending yourself and what you can do to assert your rights to safety.

Punished for Defending Yourself

You can take a lot of crap from bullies and no one else says a word. However, once you get sick of the bullshit and begin defending yourself, suddenly, they are surprised! But not only are they surprised, they’re pissed off.

It’s like, “How dare you,” and “Who do you think you are!” That is essentially what everyone else thinks once you stand up to bullies.

Bullies not only CONDITION you to Accept Bigger and More Severe Abuses, they condition bystanders to get comfortable with seeing it.

Gradualism and Incrementalism- drop by drop, bullies start by taking teeny-weeny bites out of your self-esteem. They take it up ever so slowly and step by itsy-bitsy step.

In fact, they escalate it so slowly and so subtly that it isn’t noticeable. Yet you feel that something is off and that something doesn’t feel good. But you can’t quite put a finger on it. It’s that subtle!

But here’s your first clue: Your body will know if you pay attention to it. When you meet your bullies for the first time, you will pick up some pretty creepy vibes from these people, and you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach.

You’ll sense something about these creeps that feels “off.” And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged. You will sense them watching your every move, scoping you out, studying you like a specimen.

You may look up from whatever you’re doing or turn around. Then you’ll see, out of the corner of your eye, a few of these people eyeing you from a distance.

Then you’ll see them look at each other and smirk. And, when they do, you’ll also notice that eerie twinkle in their eyes. You might even notice a micro-flash or two of contempt. Don’t ignore this!

Understand that these bullies are sizing you up and probing to see how you respond or react. But, more importantly, these bullies are slowly conditioning you and everyone else that it is normal for them to bully you.

Punished for Defending Yourself:

Bullies Always size you up at first.

Next, bullies start committing slightly bigger violations. Understand that bullies do this deliberately to soften you. Again, they start by making the abuse almost unrecognizable. That is, until it isn’t anymore.

By the time you recognize it, the abuse is so out of control that your bullies can’t help themselves. And they don’t even try to hide it anymore.

Why continue to put in the work to hide something you’ve gotten away with for so long that there’s no incentive to stop? Right?

By the time the abuse becomes obvious, it’s usually too late because everyone has grown accustomed to bullying you. And once they’ve grown accustomed to it, it’s almost impossible for you to get them to leave you alone, no matter what you do to protect yourself.

Therefore, when you finally get fed up and begin asserting yourself, bullies and everyone else become outraged. You must understand that they don’t give a crap about your pain. Why? Because you’re their target and they intend for you to stay that way.

They get a psychological reward from bullying you. And hell will freeze over before they give that up. This is why, at this stage, bullies respond with anger and resentment when you finally stand up to them.

Bullies have big egos. And when ego is involved, bullies become offended when someone they deem inferior finally develops a backbone. Therefore, they’ll do everything they can to break your will. And they’ll do it to keep getting their sick, sadistic jollies.

The unspoken message is, “How dare you take away our fun!”

Punished for defending yourself:

This is why you should always put a stop to it in the early stages.

Conditioning always starts small. Therefore, you must stand up to it in the early stages. You must know how to recognize it when it is barely recognizable.

Why? Because the longer bullying goes on, the more severe the abuses become. And the bigger the violations get, the harder it is to defend yourself and put a stop to it. I can’t stress this enough!

And how you recognize it is by listening to your body, because your body will feel it. You’ll also sense it in the vibes the people put out. So, pay close attention.

Bullies Want You TO BE Dependent on their approval.

Deep down, many targets are brainwashed into thinking that they must depend on their bullies for something. It’s true. I know this leaves you scratching your head. You may ask, “Depend on bullies? For what?”

Your bullies want you to be dependent on their approval and acceptance. They want to have control over your ability to meet people and make friends. In short, they want to have power over your social life.

It’s how they keep you begging for it. They dangle carrots of acceptance to keep you under their thumb and doing what they want you to do.

Punished for Defending Yourself:

Domestic Abusers Do the same to their PARTNERS.

Think about it. Domestic abusers do the same to their abused partners. They keep them dependent to maintain control and domination over them.

Only spousal abusers keep their victims dependent on financial resources. How? They do so by controlling the purse strings. They withhold money from them. Also, they shut down opportunities for the partner to make their own money by forbidding them from working.

Another control tactic of the spousal abuser is cutting the partner off from their family and friends. They do this to cut their partner off from any support they may get from them.

Again, know the early signs of bullying and abuse. If you defend yourself in the early stages, others are less likely to punish you for it.

Why? Because they haven’t gotten comfortable with seeing others bullying you yet.

Abuse is abuse, whether it comes in the form of bullying in school or the workplace, or domestic abuse in the home.

Oppressive Governments do the same to their CONSTITUENCIES. 

Socialist and Communist governments also do the same to their citizenry. They manipulate events and media narratives. Moreover, they deliberately crash their countries’ economies to force the people to become dependent on them.

They even set up terrorist regimes to beat any dissenters into submission and burn their homes and businesses. This is nothing new. Those in power have used these tactics throughout history!

And they have done it solely to wrest control of the people’s behavior, thoughts, and very lives. Why? Because if you can keep someone dependent on you, you can make rules for them to follow.

In other words, you can tell them what to do and have complete domination over their lives. You can also force them to put up with the most unspeakable and evil of abuses. And you can silence them by keeping them in a state of fear.

You can make them afraid that you will withdraw whatever it is they need from you. With bullies, it is approval, acceptance, and the ability to make friends with others. With spousal abusers, it is love, money, or even food and medicine to keep you alive.

And with government despots, it’s basic needs like food, water, and other vital resources. And they can have complete control over every aspect of your life if they can keep you dependent on them for your very safety and survival.

Again, it always starts small. So, defend yourself before others have time to grow accustomed to it. This way, you won’t wait too long and get punished for it.

Punished for Defending Yourself:

Bullies will strip you of freedom and autonomy if you let them.

Understand that when control freaks use these methods of control, they strip you of your freedom and autonomy. They keep you too afraid to be your own person and exercise your human rights.

Also, they take away your ability to speak freely, be creative with your life, and flourish. They also keep you too afraid to stand up to them, call them out on their abuse, and assert your God-given right not to be controlled and abused.

The controlling person does this by keeping you under the threat that they will retaliate and unleash even worse pain on you if you disobey or step out of line.

The problem with this is that bullies, abusers, and oppressive governments only get drunk on their power. You can never satisfy them, and they can never get enough power. They must always up the ante and take more and more control.

Reasons You Get Punished for Defending yourself

Here’s something you need to realize. In your bullies’ minds, you’re only here for their convenience, their purpose, their agenda, and their pleasure. Never your own.

They need you to stay powerless. In other words, they need the scales of power to keep tipping in their favor.

Therefore, when you defend yourself against a bully, you automatically restore the balance of power. In other words, you reclaim your power. You snatch back the very thing your bullies are trying to keep from you.

When this happens, your bullies panic! Why? Because they feel that if they lose power over you, they’ll lose power over everyone else.

As a result, they will lose face. The bullies will lose respect, credibility, allies, and support. Then, they will become the bullied.

Bullies fear becoming targets.

Bullies have an obsessive fear of going from hunters to the hunted. And why not? You aren’t the only person they’ve bullied. There were many others before you. Moreover, bullies know all too well that most average people hate people like them.

They also know that most love to see bullies get their comeuppance. And once someone brings a bully down, no one will ever allow that bully to get up again.

This is why bullies will go to great lengths to keep you under control. If they cannot control you, they control nothing. Most people are still under the presumption that victims are weak. Therefore, if a victim stands up to a bully, others will see that and the bully will be at everyone else’s mercy.

Others will look at the failed bully and think, “Wow! If he can’t handle a wimp like them, then he really couldn’t handle me! This is a juicy opportunity! I can punk this creep out so easily!”

The bully then becomes the new man on the bottom. Gasp! Because if they can’t overpower the person who’s deemed the weakest link in the bunch, then they become the new weakest link! Ouch! Talk about a humbling situation!

Punished for Defending Yourself:

Bullies fear becoming the new man on the bottom.

Therefore, the bully and everyone else punish you for daring to defend yourself once the bullying reaches the late stages. And with each provocation from the bully and each counter you deliver, the more determined they are to tip the scales of power back in their favor.

With your counter jab comes pain and humiliation for bullies. Therefore, the human reflex is always to punish or eliminate the cause of that pain and humiliation.

When you stand up to a bully, they feel vulnerable because you just upset that power imbalance. Therefore, the bully punishes you to restore the power imbalance.

What do you do?

In a situation like this, you have three choices: either keep defending yourself with counterattacks or give up and feel even worse about yourself later. Or, you can leave the toxic environment altogether.

My advice is to defend yourself. However, you must punish the bully so severely that they won’t ever want to mess with you again. You must give the bully a traumatic memory they never want to relive.

It’s the only way they will stop. And if you can’t do this, then the next best thing to do is to remove yourself from the environment and relocate to a place where you can live in peace.

This post is all about what happens when you’re punished for defending yourself and what you can do about it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses 

2. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying 

4. Bullying and Psychological Conditioning 

5. Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned 

how to stop a bully at work

How to Stop a Bully: 9 Powerful Hacks You Can Use

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‘Want to know how to stop a bully? Here are the mind hacks you need to know about.

how to stop a bully

If you don’t learn the tricks to stop them in their tracks, bullies will continue to steamroll you until you have no self-esteem left.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stop a bully by using clever mind hacks almost no one thinks about.

Once you learn all about these mental tips and tricks, you will be better able to more confidently counter bullies each time they attack.

This post is all about how to stop a bully so that you can spare your self-esteem and dignity from being raked over the coals.

How to Stop a Bully

To stop a bully from bullying you doesn’t only take physical strength. It takes a lot of mental power as well. Remember that bullies are mostly bluff.

To call their bluff, you must know what to expect and be ready for it. Therefore, before we get into the hacks, let’s first talk about the reactions you should expect from your bully and where it comes from.

7 Things That Happen When You Call a Bully’s Bluff

When you finally stand up to a bully and call out their abuse, these are the reactions you should expect.

1. They’ll try to avoid the subject.

They’ll change the subject to an irrelevant topic. Moreover, they’ll do it while appearing to be busy doing a task. Females are notorious for this trick.

2. They’ll become irate and go on a tirade.

They may even yell and curse at you. They may turn it back on you and accuse you of having paranoia. Moreover, they may call you mentally unstable, a crybaby, or any other label that discredits you.

However, realize that anyone who becomes this defensive only looks desperate and afraid. Know that this is just another dead giveaway.

Why? Because most bullies get highly defensive when they’re afraid they’re busted. They will get loud. They will scream, yell, and pound their fists, curse, and swear when they fear exposure.

However, don’t let this scare you because the dramatics and theatrics they display only mean that the bullies are desperate!

3. How to Stop a Bully:

They will lay guilt trips on you.

For instance, if a fake friend is stabbing you in the back and you call them out on it, you’re likely to hear the following.

“Well, if you were my friend, you wouldn’t believe XYZ”

“If you were a true friend to me, you wouldn’t even question my loyalty.”

Don’t buy that garbage. The person is just trying to make you feel guilty. Or they’re trying to intimidate you into silence.

If your so-called friend was the only person you told any secrets to, then you can bet that they’re guilty. Moreover, if enough people tell you that the person is saying things behind your back, they’re likely telling the truth.

4. They will escalate the harassment.

Bullies do this to either punish you or intimidate you and shut you down. Again, understand that the bully is afraid of being exposed and facing accountability.

Moreover, they fear losing face. So, your bully will stop at nothing to silence you.

5. They will justify themselves.

  • “If you didn’t always make trouble, I wouldn’t have had to hurt you!”
  • “If you weren’t so ditzy, I wouldn’t give you such a hard time!”
  • “You made me do it because you always do this when you should do that!”
  • “If you would just do this, I wouldn’t have to do that!”
  • “You won’t shut up, so you deserve it!”

Again, don’t believe a word of it! Continue calling them out. You must protect yourself by speaking just as loud and with just as much conviction as the bully.

Therefore, make plenty of noise because the wheel that squeaks loudest gets the grease!

6. How to Stop a Bully:

The bully will slander you.

Again, understand that this bully is afraid of being exposed. Therefore, they spread rumors and lies to discredit you.

Also, they do it to distract others from their appalling behavior by making you look bad. ‘You see?If the bully can make you look bad and turn everyone else against you, they reap several benefits.

  • The bully can intimidate you into silence and avoid any future risks of exposure.
  • They can discredit you.
  • The bully can make themselves look like the victim and gain sympathy from other people.
  • They can successfully cut you off from any support you might otherwise receive.
  • The bully gets the green light to bully you again later.
  • They get to move up the social ladder and win more friends and allies.
  • The bully gets the satisfaction of maintaining power, domination, and control over you.

Like the old quote goes, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.”

Slander is designed to protect bullies from being exposed and shift blame onto you. People have used this tactic since the beginning of time!

So, don’t shut up no matter what! Continue to call out the bullies’ behavior!

7. They’ll stop talking to you and begin talking about you.

If you have a bully who’s a fake friend and you bust them, they’ll stop talking to you. However, once they quit talking to you, they’ll talk about you to justify themselves to others.

Here is what they’ll likely tell them.

  • “She’s unstable.”
  • “He’s just mad because I called him out!”
  • “She’s so fake.”
  • “She’s too sensitive.”
  • “She doesn’t want to admit when she’s wrong.”
  • “I was just trying to help them.”
  • “She’s just jealous of me because… ”

Again, this person is exposing themselves through their behavior. Therefore, see this as a giveaway and have no more to do with them.

How to Stop a Bully:

Here are all the hacks you can use.

1. See your bullies’ most vicious attacks as a sign of fear and desperation.

Have you ever wondered why bullies are so aggressive with you when they could care less about you? When someone doesn’t care a lick about you, they show no emotion, positive or negative. In other words, they’re indifferent.

However, when the bully is aggressive, it shows that they are bothered by something about you. It could be something you said, did, or conveyed. In fact, it may be your very presence that bothers the person.

Whatever the case may be, there’s something about you that’s motivating the attacks. However, realize this.

It’s not that they care one iota about you. What they do care about is the possibility of your taking your power back from them. The bully is also afraid of you becoming independent of their opinions of you.

Most bullies go into panic mode when you stand up to them. Moreover, they really lose it when you stand up to them confidently.

This is because your bullies are scared to death that they’re losing power over you. Any time you call a bully’s bluff, you automatically put them in the weaker position.

Bullies know this and it drives them batty!

2. How to Stop a Bully:

Maintain a healthy and positive sense of self.

Don’t lose sight of your worth. Find ways to maintain your confidence. And, how you do this is to know what motivates your bully to attack you.

Knowing why your bullies do what they do is the best way to preserve a healthy self-esteem when you’re under siege.

3. Refuse to accept your bullies’ definition of you.

And this goes no matter how powerful or influential they may seem. After all, they’re only people just like you.

To accept someone else’s definition of you, you must first discard your own. When you allow bullies to dictate your inner reality, you lose bits and pieces of yourself.

Also, little by little, you lose the awareness of your emotions each time you allow them to do it. Then, you eventually grow numb.

Many targets fall for the garbage bullies feed them because there’s more to countering the attacks than words or fists. It also takes mind power.

Therefore, never let anyone else define you. Stop caring what people think.

Bullies may think they know you and they may attempt to define who you are. But only you know the definition of who you are.

By trying to tell you who you are, your bullies attempt to force you to replace your definition of yourself with theirs. Moreover, they try to play God.

So, stop allowing your bullies fool you into thinking that they know you better than you know yourself.

4. How to Stop a Bully:

Stand up to bullies, even if you’re afraid to.

When a bully tries to tell you what you are, you can stand with confidence and say, “No, I’m not. You are.” Then, you can walk away with more pride in yourself because you stood up to them.

Moreover, if the bully challenges you to a fist fight, don’t back down. There’s nothing wrong with hitting back if someone strikes you first.

Even if someone doesn’t hit you and gets in your face, you must assume that they’re getting ready to physically attack you. In this situation, offense is the best defense.

Knock the ever-loving hell out of them.

5. Have a clear vision of your value as a human being.

Know beyond a shadow of a doubt who you are and that you’re a great person who doesn’t deserve shabby treatment.

This means having a crystal-clear understanding of who you are. Moreover, it means know what you will and will not put up with.

6. Keep company only with strong people who are positive influences in your life.

Only associate with people who consistently validate and affirm your positive qualities. Keep company with those who know the good you bring to this world.

On the other hand, refuse to have anything to do with those who are toxic. Any time someone makes you feel bad, walk away and stay away.

It’s okay to be selective in who you let into your life. This is how you protect your mental health from unsavory people.

7. How to Stop a Bully:

Hold onto your principles and convictions.

Hold onto your standards. Moreover, stand up for your beliefs, and convictions. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. And do it boldly and confidently.

Don’t be afraid to think critically. In short, have the courage to be different.

This is how you protect your mind from bullies. Your mind and your thoughts are free! Keep them that way!

8. Trust your gut.

Listen to your gut feeling because it will always tell you the truth. Therefore, if something doesn’t feel good, your gut will tell you.

Remember that the sensations of the body never lie. And when something feels off about a person, move away from them.

This is one of the ways you protect yourself from bullies.

9. Set and enforce your boundaries.

This goes back to number four. Set your boundaries. Then, enforce those boundaries if a bully ever crosses them.

If a bully verbally attacks you, don’t ignore it. Counter that attack with a good burn so that the bully thinks twice before messing with you again.

And if they physically attack you, haul off and knock them on their ass.

However, staying strong physically is only part of the battle. Maintaining a strong mind is the very foundation of self-defense and protection. Put them together and you’ll be able to stop a bully from ever bullying you again.

This post is all about how to stop a bully and all the ways to do it so that you can protect your self-esteem and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

confronting bullying at school

Confronting Bullying: 4 Things Bullies Do When You Speak Out

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‘Want to know about confronting bullying and the blow back you’ll likely get so that you can be encouraged to stay strong and keep speaking out and defending yourself? Here are all the ways bullies retaliate when you confront their bullying head-on.

confronting bullying

Confronting bullying isn’t easy by any means. Bullies can be intimidating and you may balk at standing up for yourself because you don’t know what the bullies might do. However, bullies are just as humanly vulnerable as you. They just won’t tell you.

This is why you must defend yourself no matter what your bullies may say or do to retaliate. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about what comes with confronting bullying so that you will be prepared.

Once you know all about this life-changing information, you will be compelled to keep your wits about you and confront bullying no matter how intimidating the bullies are.

Confronting Bullying

Confronting bullying can be one of the scariest things to do. However, if you want to ensure your safety later, it’s something you must do.

You know bullying when you feel it.

One of the saddest things about bullying is the confusion it often brings. Bullies and others will often confuse and mislead you. They will tell you that no one is bullying you. Maybe they’ll accuse you of having paranoia.

When you defend yourself against a bully, others may gaslight you by either trivializing or dismissing what you just experienced. They may tell you, “it’s only in your mind” or accuse you of being too sensitive.

If you’re not careful, they may even convince you of it! This will only force you to endure the torment in silence. Bullying feeds on silence.

Bullying Cannot Thrive Without Silence

Therefore, people will let the bully off the hook. Even worse, they’ll be free to target you again in the future. The bully gets the message that it’s okay to target you.

So, they’ll bully you simply because they can. And they do it with impunity.

After so long, you’ll begin  to feel as if it is somehow wrong to report and stand up to bullies. You’ll then question your own sanity, thinking, “Maybe it really is only in my mind.”

Moreover, you’ll grow silent for fear of being gaslighted and seen as “having paranoia,” “unhinged” or “overly sensitive.”

However, know that these labels mean to undermine and steal your voice.

Confronting Bullying:

It’s Not Only In Your Mind.

If you’re a target of these mind games, let me assure you: It’s NOT only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby or whatever else unsavory people may call you.

Therefore, always remember that bullies are very skilled and convincing liars. You always know when something does not feel good. Your brain and your gut always let you know when something isn’t right!

You can sense it. Moreover, you can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you.

You can see and hear them talking through their teeth. Also, you can hear the short and cold tone in their voices.

You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people, pronto!

Anyone who causes you to feel bad does not deserve the time of day from you.

It does not matter if they are rich, smart, good looking, popular, successful, cool or tough. If they cause you to feel less than, ditch them! Weed. Them. Out!

Why? Because they aren’t worthy of even being in your presence. Never allow anyone to violate your boundaries, whether physical or psychological. Also, never allow anyone to silence you. Speak out! Refuse their gaslighting.

Self awareness is key, as is awareness of everyone and everything around you. Also, setting boundaries is equally important. You must get to know yourself. Listen to your body and the sensations you feel.

It is imperative that you get absolutely clear on what you will and will not accept. Only then will you be able to tell the difference and send your bullies packing.

Confronting Bullying:

Don’t be afraid of your bullies’ reactions to your speaking out.

When you begin speaking out about your bullies and their abusive behavior, you put them on high alert. In other words, you put them in defense mode.

This is when they’ll do one, some, or all of four things.

1. Lash out at you.

This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. In other words, they’ll scream and yell at you. They’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God.

I know it’s difficult but don’t panic and don’t be afraid.

See it for what it is. You just forced them to reveal their true colors. Any time your bullies get outraged and attack you , that’s when you know you’ve busted them.

Again, you’ve forced them to out themselves! Yay for you!

2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face.

Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively. They’ll swear up and down they never bullied or mistreated you.

They may even throw out subtle hints that you must’ve misinterpreted them. They’ll claim that you “have everything misconstrued.”

Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is gaslighting. Moreover, it speaks volumes about their character.

3. Confronting Bullying:

Defame you.

The second you call out their abuse, is the second bullies lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others. Therefore, they’ll tell everyone who will listen what a lying, lowdown piece of garbage you are.

However, don’t let it phase you. Realize that they’re panicking and in a mad rush to do some damage control.

They’re afraid that word about their true nature just might get around and cause them to lose face. The last thing bullies want is for you to expose them.

Most of the time, your bullies will tell others that you’re experiencing some sort of mental episode. This is the classic reaction of abusers. They always attack your mental health.

Again, they’re only revealing their true colors. Why? Because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care. Therefore, they wouldn’t react so desperately.

See this as an admission of guilt.

4. Avoid you.

These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared.

However, this is the best outcome. If they’re avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them bullying you again.

Why? Because they know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already very quickly circulating.

So, the last thing they want is to do anything that will make them look guilty. They fear their reputations are already on shaky ground.

These people are cowards, yes. However, they’re making the smartest move by simply staying away from you. They’ll even avoid mentioning your name.

Be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long. They may avoid you long enough to defame you to others.

Or, they just might secretly plot revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in different ways. They may use one or all of the above measures to discredit you.

Confronting Bullying:

Bullies count on you staying quiet about their abuse.

You must realize that bullies and abusers, even former bullies, count on your silence. In fact, they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed.

Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them. Why? Because they risk losing respect in the community. The last thing they want is for other people to see them for the monsters they are.

Bullies make everything about appearances. Therefore, when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them.

So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make the following statements.

  • “Well, we were just kids then.”
  • “But that’s all water under the bridge.”
  • “Just let bygones be bygones.”
  • ”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it.” Also, they may accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.

However, your bullies have other objectives as well:

  • Bullies say these things to minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
  • Also, they want to make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
  • And, to cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations or any backlash they might receive.

Therefore, don’t be afraid. Instead, see through it all and let them launch their personal attacks.

Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point. When you speak out about the abuse, you force your bullies to explain themselves.

Anyone who must explain and justify themselves is never in a powerful position.

So, in forcing your bullies to explain themselves you instantly snatch them out of their position of power. You move them into a position of vulnerability.

In other words, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a very helpless and subordinate place. In short, you strip them of power. Ouch!

Confronting Bullying:

Power doesn’t explain itself.

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly remove their power. And their perceived authority disappears with it.

Why? Because neither power nor authority explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

Hence the reason bullies despise even the thought of having to give explanations. It puts them in a weak and subordinate position.

No wonder bullies get nuts when you out them!

This post is all about confronting bullying and everything that comes with it so that you can gather the courage to take back your personal power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

4. What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

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‘Want to know all about standing up to bullies and what happens when you do? Here’s how bullies react when you stand up to them and why you should feel good about it.

standing up to bullies

In movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

However, you should feel good about it because, when they act out, your bullies are only revealing themselves.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about standing up to bullies and how they react when you finally do. Moreover, you will learn why you should welcome their reactions and how those reactions expose bullies for who they are.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be able to speak out confidently and handle it properly when your bullies react.

This post is all about standing up to bullies and everything that comes with it.

Standing up to Bullies

You may be afraid to stand up to your bullies and I understand completely. Anytime you stand up to bullies, you’re taking a risk. However, it’s often worth the risk and you end up thanking yourself later.

Just the same, you need to know what to expect once you’ve had enough and decide to take a stand.

If people bully you left and right, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back to you.

Neither will they bow out of your life gracefully. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over you. Why? Because, without that power, they feel lost.

Realize that bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. And since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way left to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Here are the tactics bullies use when you stand up for yourself:

Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will do the following:

1. They will gaslight you

Bullies will add their spin to it. In other words, bullies will try to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

They might accuse you of being too sensitive. Moreover, bullies may tell you, “I didn’t say it,” or “I didn’t do that.” They may even refer to you as “uppity.”

Understand that all this is designed to keep them from feeling dirty. It is also meant to make you question yourself and feel like the villain. Therefore, learn how to recognize gaslighting when you hear it and protect your mind.

2. Standing up to Bullies:

They will lay guilt trips

In other words, your bullies might bring up a past favor they did for you. They may say, “after all I’ve done for you, this is how you thank me?”

Your bullies may not have done anything for you. Moreover, if they did, they only did it for obligation points they can use later.

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign

Bullies are experts at this. By recruiting followers to spread rumors and lies, your bullies use numbers to discredit you. Why? Because the more people they get to say bad things about you, the more likely stranger are to believe them.

They will also try to turn your friends against you. I say this from first-hand experience. Bullies did the same to me many times.

Moreover, it always came as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my rights to defend myself.

Therefore, expect your bullies to malign you to others. And know that they’re only retaliating by trying to destroy your good name and credibility.

4. They will turn your friends against you

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering. In other words, they attack your relationships. And they do this to isolate you by turning everyone against you.

There’s another objective to this as well. Once bullies turn all your friends against you, then, they can gather intimidate details about your life and weaponize them.

Think about it. Your friends likely know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would be the ones to know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to bullies.

5. Standing Up to Bullies:

They will project their shortcomings onto you

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to project them onto you?

In other words, your bullies accuse you of the same rotten things they themselves are doing.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” or “Don’t look at me. Look at them!”

7. They will use Physical Violence.

If none of the previous six tactics work. They will use physical violence. However, they only use this as a last resort because bodily harm is the most detectable form of bullying.

Let’s break it down some more here.

If bullies can’t control you, they will control how others see you.

In other words, if your bullies can no longer have power over you, they will start smear campaigns and try to turn others against you. Understand that they do this to isolate you from everyone.

Bullies use these strategies to cover their backsides. Moreover, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself. And thirdly, they do it to close you off from any possible help or protection.

Once the bullies isolate you, they then move in for the kill. Now, they can do whatever they want to you. Moreover, they can do it freely and with impunity.

Why? Because if everyone is against you, the least likely they are to report the bullies or stop them from abusing you.

Remember, your bullies have succeeded in turning people against you. Now, no one can stand you. Therefore, in the minds of others, you deserve the abuse. You’ve got it coming and you’ve had it coming!

Therefore, hell will freeze over before anyone lifts a finger to help you. And this is exactly the outcome your bullies have been counting on.

Figuratively, Your bullies want to hold you hostage.

And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you on emotional lock down. This is how they keep you in your place.

Standing Up to Bullies:

Physical violence is usually a last ditch effort at power and control.

Sometimes, exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting and smear campaigns fail to do the job. Or, they may lose their effectiveness and no longer have the impact your bullies intended for them to have.

Therefore, your bullies will then resort to physical violence. The physical violence will go one of two ways:

  • Bullies will commit the bodily harm themselves.
  • They will send someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better.

So, be strong. Be brave and know that none of it is your fault.

The Power Dynamic Shifts In Your Favor the Moment You Stand Up to Your Bullies

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately take your personal power back. At the same time, you automatically put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

In simplest terms, you flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle it when you stand up to them. Because they feel that they must always be in the position of power.

Standing up to Bullies:

Bullies can’t handle being stood up to by those they deem beneath them.

Bullies get angry enough when anyone stands up to them. However, if that person happens to be someone they deem inferior and who they’ve grown accustomed to abusing, this is when they really lose their marbles!

This is because you’re most likely on the bottom of the pecking order. And when you finally buck up and grow a backbone, you figuratively trade places with the bullies.

Therefore, you automatically put them on the bottom of the pecking order, if only for that moment. This is what the bullies can’t handle and it’s why they explode with rage.

Their unspoken message is:

  • “How dare you!”
  • “Who are you to stand up to me!”
  • “You’re supposed to be under me and here you are talking and acting like you’re OVER me!”
  • “The nerve!”
  • Who do you think you are!”

Bullies rely on force to get what they want from you.

In other words, they depend on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion. Bullies have been steamrolling people and getting what they want from them for a long time. In fact, they’ve been doing it for so long that they’ve become arrogant and self-satisfied.

Therefore, when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and put your foot down, you can bet that it’s going to throw them off. And do you know what else it’s going to do?

It’s going to blast a huge hole in their ego. Moreover, it’ll shock the bejeebers out of them. Then the bullies will become highly PO’ed. In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll more than likely go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.

If the bully is a person with narcissism (and most bullies are), they will go into narc*ssistic rage. And trust me, you don’t want to be anywhere around when this happens.

Standing up to Bullies:

Stand your ground but be prepared for anything.

It’s best to be prepared. Expect the unexpected.

When you finally grow a spine, expect your bullies to do anything to break it. Therefore, they escalate the bullying when you stop taking their crap.

Bullies have very delicate egos. Moreover, bullying always involves ego. So, any time you tell them to go kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority. Even worse, you put them into an inferior position and they know it.

In other words, bullies are very prideful and their pride takes a huge blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than to be made inferior, especially to a little peon like you.

Therefore, be prepared for a battle because your bullies will become vindictive. They’ll seek revenge and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

It doesn’t matter if your bullies were the ones who started it because, to them, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong.

In other words,  don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. Furthermore, they don’t care that you only want to be left alone.

The only thing they are thinking at this moment is that you challenged them. You are a target and nothing more. In other words, you are beneath them. And you had the gall to undermine their (perceived) authority and superiority.

The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!

Keep Standing Up for yourself, no matter what!

In other words, if your bullies keep coming for you, you mustn’t back down. Unless they have a deadly weapon, keep fighting and fighting hard.

Know that you deserve to be safe and to live in peace. And when bullies try to disrupt your peace, you have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself. Because if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.

Don’t wait for someone to come rescue you because, chances are, it won’t happen. It’s up to you to take a stand. Your life is your responsibility. That means that standing up to bullies is your responsibility.

You can do it! I believe in you!

This post is all about standing up to bullies, what to expect when you stand up to them, and why you should continue to stand firm no matter what.

1. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

what happens when you set boundaries in a relationship

What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes

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‘Want to know what happens when you set boundaries? The good and the bad? Here are several things that come about when you finally stand up for yourself. Also, you’ll feel better knowing that the good vastly outweighs the bad!

what happens when you set boundaries

Setting boundaries is always good because it promotes respect among people and makes for a polite society where peace and harmony can exist.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what happens when you set boundaries. Moreover, you will learn the good and the bad tasting (but good for you) results.

Once you learn all about this useful and important information, you will feel more compelled to set boundaries and take back your right to live in peace.

This post is all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can gather the courage to establish your own boundaries and take back your peace.

What happens when you set boundaries?

When you establish boundaries, you build an invisible fortress around yourself that protects you from abuse.  But first, lets discuss the good results.

1. You get to know yourself better.

When you set boundaries, you become much clearer on what you will and will not tolerate. Moreover, you become more familiar with your likes and dislikes. Thus, you get to know yourself better.

2. Your self-esteem will improve drastically

Once you begin setting boundaries, you’ll feel as if you accomplished a huge feat. Because, you will have!

Anytime you set boundaries after you’ve spent so much time not having any, you discover that you’ve made a huge step in taking back your autonomy!

Therefore, your self-esteem will get a huge boost and you’ll feel so much better about yourself. The people who care for you will say, “Look at you! You did it!”

You finally got sick of other people’s bullshit and put your foot down! Moreover, you stood up for yourself and told a few creeps where they could stick it!

That would sure make me proud of myself! And it will you too!

3. Toxic people will slowly disappear from your life.

Bullies and other such losers may challenge your boundaries at first. However, if you continue to stick to your guns and hold firm, they will, over time, give up and move on to an easier target.

Therefore, you’ll take back your peace and live a much happier life!

4. What happens when you set boundaries?

Your overall mental health will improve.

This is because, in setting boundaries, you protect your overall mental health. Therefore, the more you do this, the better for your psychological well-being.

Moreover, your mind will continue to improve over time the longer you continue to keep those boundaries in place.

5. You’ll be more selective in who you allow in your life

In other words, you’ll keep the bullies and abusers out of your life and only invite people who are positive and uplifting. Even better, you’ll do this without apology nor guilt because you’ll know without a doubt that you deserve better.

Now, before we go on, I realize that, in today’s society, people preach and squawk about “inclusion.” However, when people are bullying and abusing you, inclusion shouldn’t even come into it!

And this goes no matter what race, gender, religion, or orientation you or your bully or abuser may claim.

Abuse is abuse no matter who it comes from or who it’s aimed at. Therefore, you have every right to exclude from your life anyone who treats you like a doormat. You have a duty to yourself to protect your peace at all costs!

6. You’ll have more time for your own priorities.

In other words, you’ll make time for your own needs because you won’t allow users to take up so much of your time with their problems. Therefore, you’ll have more time for self-care and to pursue your own goals, priorities, and interests.

7. What happens when you set boundaries? You’ll be more determined not to go back to BS.

Once you taste a life free of bullying and abuse, you’ll be even more determined never to go back to being a doormat. Therefore, you’ll be more compelled to keep your boundaries in place and not allow anyone to stick so much as a toe over them.

You’ve been on both sides of the fence. In other words, you know what it’s like to have people shit on you every chance they get.

On the other hand, you’ve also discovered what it’s like to be treated well. Therefore, you’ll choose the side of greener pastures and never go back to the old life.

What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

6 Tactics Toxic People Use When You Finally establish limits

In movies and television, victims can stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, this is not reality in most cases.

However, don’t let that stop you. Think of it like this. When you’re sick, you must take medicine. The medicine may taste downright disgusting. However, you still must take it if you want to get well and return to optimal health.

It’s the same with setting boundaries. You may endure a lot of discomfort at first. However, you’ll thank yourself later!

With that said, you must realize that bullies and abusers will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back over to you, nor will they bow out of your life gracefully.

Remember that human predators have an insatiable need to wield power over others, and without that power, they feel lost.

Why? Because bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. Also, since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Make no mistake about it. Once you begin setting boundaries, they will do the following:

1. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and toxic people will gaslight you.

They’ll try to convince you that you’re in the wrong or that you’re becoming unhinged. Understand that they do this to make you doubt yourself and keep allowing them to abuse you.

They may tell you that you’re imagining things or that you’re just too sensitive.

Therefore, don’t fall for this bullshit! Don’t allow them to add their spin to make you feel like the bad guy. Know that you’re in the right and continue to stand firm.

2. They will lay guilt trips.

And they’ll do it by trying to convince you that you’re selfish or self-centered for not allowing them to mistreat you. Therefore, understand that bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Stick to your guns, no matter what they say!

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign.

Human predators may recruit followers to spread rumors and lies about you. These people will malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility.

Moreover, expect this to happen many times. Why? Because bullies and abusers are relentless. They don’t give up so easily.

They’re also vindictive. They will do these things out of retaliation for your having the gall to stand up to them and assert your rights.

But don’t give up! Keep your boundaries in place!

4. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and abusers will try to turn your friends against you.

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by dividing and conquering. In other words, they try to isolate you by attacking your relationships.

Think about it. Chances are that your friends know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to human predators.

Again, expect your bullies to do these types of things. Moreover, instead of caving in, let their antics prompt you to double down on your boundaries.

5. They will project their shortcomings onto you.

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto you?

They will also do this for retaliation and to keep their power over you. Therefore, dig your heels even deeper and fight back twice as hard.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours.

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” Or, more appropriately, “Don’t look at me! Look at her!”

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

However, be resilient and keep your boundaries in place. Because eventually, they’ll give up and move on to someone who’s easier to control.

Understand that it will get worse before it gets better. You will get a ton of push-back and resistance when you first begin setting boundaries.

However, continue to hold firm no matter how hard your predators may make life for you. And know that eventually, they’ll grow tired and move on.

This post was all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can know what to expect and continue to hold firm with toughness and grit.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some 

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

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‘Ever wondered why you have a fear of setting boundaries? Do you want to know what you can do about it? Here’s why you’re afraid to stick up for yourself and ways you can turn it around.

fear of setting boundaries

Many victims of bullying have a fear of setting boundaries. Why, because bullies have taken their confidence, self-esteem and personal power.

This is heartbreaking because when you’re too afraid to set boundaries, your human rights go out the window. Moreover, it makes for a miserable existence because you’re at the mercy of other people’s whims.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you have such a fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to change it and get your life back.

Once you learn all the reasons, you will be more compelled to squash that fear and begin acting and speaking in your own behalf. In that, you’ll eventually take back your autonomy and freedom.

This post is all about the fear of setting boundaries, why you have it, and what you can do to change it so that you can finally take back control of your life!

Fear of Setting Boundaries

All too often, victims of bullying have a hard time setting boundaries. Many just keep their mouths shut, grin and bear it while others wipe their feet all over them.

Therefore, they suffer in silence and obscurity, which only further damages their mental health. If being used as a rug hurts so much, why do they allow it to continue?

There are several reasons:

1. You don’t have the confidence.

Many targets of bullying, like you, feel helpless and simply think it wouldn’t do them any good. Therefore, they see no point in speaking up because they know that they’ll likely get bullied worse for it.

Remember that bullying, like any other form of abuse, thrives on your silence. Therefore, it takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something few bullying victims have.

Also, as we know, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. In their minds, you’re a victim.

To them,  you have no rights and deserve no human dignity. Bullies don’t see you as a human being, deserving of the same human rights as everyone else. That’s a fact.

Therefore, they feel they have carte blanche to abuse you and expect you to stay quiet about it. However, don’t be afraid to speak out in your behalf. Even more importantly, don’t fear standing up to the bullies.

Understand that you have just as much of a right as anyone else to defend yourself and to ensure your own safety. So, don’t wait on anyone else to help you. Protecting yourself from harm is your responsibility.

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You feel powerless to stop the abuse.

Again, setting boundaries is anything but easy- it’s one of the hardest things to do after people have bullied you for so long. Why?

Because they’ve brainwashed you into thinking you’re to blame for their horrid behavior.

Many victims have been abused for so long that they’ve “gotten used to it.” In other words, bullies and their sycophants have conditioned the targets to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over them.

Moreover, many times, targets have been fooled into believing that setting boundaries is selfish.

This is why you cave in to the bullies’ demands. You may feel it’s safer just to give them what they want and pacify them.

3. You fear the bullies will retaliate.

This is understandable. Bullies can put the fear of God in you if you don’t know your rights.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you may badly want to tell your abusers to knock it off. You may want to tell them to get the hell away from you and stay away. You may even want to fight back, but you don’t know how they may react.

Another thing you don’t know is whether they’ll accept your boundaries, nor if they’ll want to accept them. Moreover, you know that there’s a chance the bullies may act violently toward you for having the chutzpah to speak against their abuse.

Bullies despise even a hint of opposition because they see it as your challenging their power and perceived authority. Therefore, they’ll do whatever they can to tighten their grip if they suspect you’re defying them. And sometimes, things get dangerous, and you must do it scared.

However, what you may not realize is this. When you set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. Therefore, you take your power back.

4. Fear of Setting Boundaries:

You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve the abuse.

If you’ve been bullied for a long time, your bullies may have gaslighted you into believing that you somehow deserve the abuse. However, let me assure you. You don’t!

No matter how they blame you for their behavior, I repeat, you do not deserve to be bullied. And I say this with full conviction!

Therefore, realize that bullies know that what they’re doing is wrong. They have to know it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t demand that you stay silent about the abuse. Moreover, they wouldn’t work so damn hard to convince you that you did something to make them behave the way they do.

They also wouldn’t spend the time searching for any justification for their bullying. And they wouldn’t constantly go around spreading falsehoods about you to everyone who’ll listen.

Remember, bullying takes a lot of work. In other words, bullies must work hard to maintain their phony facades and cover up their lies and abuse. Moreover, they must also work hard to keep you powerless.

5. You Fear Physical Retaliation.

I understand the intense fear of getting beat up. No one looks forward to being attacked on the playground, in the bathroom, or in the company parking lot.

However, if your bullies have threatened physical violence for defending yourself, then you must be willing to fight and not back down.

In other words, you either face your fear and fight back or continue being scared and living under the thumb of bullies.

The choice is yours. And you never know. If you fight back, you just might beat the living snot out of your bully and stop them from messing with you. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re in a survival situation!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Before you’re able to stand up for yourself, you must be clear of what you will not accept.

Again, it takes confidence to stand up to a bully. It would be best if you also gave up your old self-protective behaviors. In other words, stop the defense mechanisms you tried in the past that failed.

Why? Because these defense mechanisms are ways your bullies and a few other abusers in your life have conditioned you to respond.

So, what behaviors are we referring too here? In other words, what defense mechanism do you need to stop doing?

  • You must stop over-apologizing.
  • You must stop trying to explain yourself to anyone.
  • Stop trying to figure out what made the bullies so hostile.
  • Stop wondering what you did wrong.
  • You must stop wondering if something’s wrong with you.
  • You must stop asking, “why me.”

Before you can stand up to abuse, you must squash the mentality that compels you to use any of the ineffective measures above.

You must understand that all the why me, why this, why that, gets you nowhere. And all the wracking your brains wondering and trying to figure out what’s wrong also serves no purpose. It’s a complete waste of time and only makes you feel worse.

Instead, be real with yourself and conclude that your bullies are just a bunch of ignorant, moronic jackasses who lack character and live fake existences. Also, you must learn to trust yourself, which includes trusting your body and how it feels.

Moreover, trust everything you see, hear, feel, sense, and the vibes you pick up from the people around you. And finally, trust your decisions. And realize that, sometimes, it takes dogged determination to defend yourself from bullies.

In other words,

  • Even if your bullies rationalize and justify their behavior, you won’t take their crap.
  • Though they may blame you for their despicable behavior, you won’t take it.
  • Even if they tell you that you’re cr4zy or mentally imbalanced, you won’t accept their bullshit.
  • Though they call you a bitch, an asshole, or any other degrading name, you won’t put up with it.
  • Even if you made a mistake and your bullies call it out in an abusive manner, you won’t take it.
  • And, for the love of Pete! If the bullies commit physical violence, you definitely won’t take that!  Put up those dukes and throw down if you need to! Or, if you must, get the police involved, file charges, and sue for any damages!

Fear of Setting Boundaries:

Understand that it’ll take calling your bullies out every single time they cross the line.

You can say:

  • “Stop it!”
  • “Cut it out!”
  • “Knock it off!”
  • “Get away from me!”
  • “Get out!”

You get power just by loudly giving either one of these commands. And who knows? I’m not making any guarantees here, but you might shock your bullies back to reality and make them leave you alone.

There were times when I was pleasantly surprised, and it worked for me.

You do not have to walk on eggshells around anyone! Know that you do have a choice and a voice. You have a right to say no to people. And you can choose not to accept the bullies’ behavior. And, if nothing else, know this!

You have more power than you know. Fear is thinking you don’t have the power you actually do have.

So, stick to your guns and hold your ground!

This post was all about the reasons for your fear of setting boundaries and what you can do to squelch your fear and take back your power and your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

2. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

6. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

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Did you know that there are times when you don’t have to explain yourself? Do you want to know the 5 reasons you shouldn’t and under which circumstances?

you don't have to explain yourself

A sad part of people targeting you for bullying is that they will force you to take responsibility for things you can’t control, like their horrid behavior. Also, chances are good that you’re doing all the research on how to gather the courage to refuse to answer to your bullies.

You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Sure, people have told you this time and time again. But how do you gather the courage to refuse? You learn, most likely, the hard way, that your bullies are only trying to strip you of your personal power.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the reasons why you don’t have to explain yourself to your bullies.

After you learn not to answer to these people, you will finally be your own hero. Also, you will take back your personal power and live in peace.

This post is all about the steps and mindsets to get to a place to where you don’t have to explain yourself to bullies and abusers. These are things that every target of bullying should learn.

You Don’t have to Explain Yourself

Why? Because bullies don’t care what your reasons are. There are reasons bullies accuse and attack you. Also, there are reasons why you don’t owe them any explanations.

1. Bullies project on you. They accuse you of the same things they are guilty of.

The reason they do this is to make you look like the guilty man. And when you try to explain yourself to them and swear up and down that you didn’t do anything wrong, your bullies will twist it to make it look as if you’re the one trying to cover your own behind.

For example, when you stand up for yourself, they will accuse you of being rude and disrespectful. However, realize that your bullies will only do this to gaslight you and make you feel guilty for defending yourself.

Don’t fall for it. Simply call out their gaslighting and tell them to step off. Or,  you could just put your hand up and walk away.

However, in most cases, your best recourse is to not try so hard to convince anyone of anything. Let people believe what they want, then let that help you decide who you should cut out of your life for good.

For the love of Pete! If the people who take your bullies word over yours are those you thought were your friends, show those people the door. Fast!

Look at it this way. These people aren’t really your friends and they don’t deserve the privilege of your presence, let alone your friendship! Stop keeping company with people who aren’t worth your time.

Understand that when you rid yourself of fake friends, you automatically make room for true friends to come into your life. And believe me, they will. You might have to wait a while but better people will show up in your life.

2. Another Reason Why You don’t have to explain yourself: Some people Will Try to Bait you

Moreover, the reason they bait you into explaining yourself is the psychological payoff they get from it. These psychological payoffs are satisfaction, gratification, and a massive rush of power.

To break it down, while you’re standing there wasting your breath, trying to convince your bullies that you aren’t guilty of whatever they’re accusing you of, they’re mentally smirking and patting themselves (and each other) on the back.

They’re proud of themselves over how easily they’ve gotten you to react. Also, they’re getting a high on how easily they can scare you, make you nervous, and get you all up in arms.

Therefore, realize that some things don’t need an explanation and some people don’t deserve one.

3. Explanations are usually a waste of time and energy

Why? For three reasons:

1. No matter what you say, how calm you are when you say it, how convincing you may sound, or how much evidence you may have to support you, bullies will never believe you anyway.

2. Understand that most people only believe whatever feels right, useful, and convenient for them.

3. They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Facts may only deter them for the time being, but believe me when I tell you. Your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong.

Then, they’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand yet another explanation later.

Sometimes it’s just better to let them all know up front that you don’t owe them any explanations. Then, end the confrontation by telling them all to piss off before turning your back on them and walking away.

4. If nothing else, know this! Your bullies and abusers already know you’re innocent of their accusations.

In other words, all the mind games they play with you are deliberate!

Understand that anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you neither committed nor know anything about, they’re doing it to make a big show. Have you noticed that toxic people usually loudly accuse you of something in front of an audience?

Again, these people already know you’re innocent. They’re only doing it for show and to achieve nefarious ends.

They are, more than likely, fully aware that you had nothing to do with the transgression they accuse you of. So, you must realize that it’s only a trap to get you to react.

And why would they stop? You’ve probably been giving them that rush of power all along. And your bullies are addicted to it.

Understand that the power rush always wears off quickly. Therefore, your bullies will only crave another rush soon and come back for more. Power is something bullies can’t get enough of.

5. even if you produce evidence to prove your point, you will have to work to gather that evidence.

Do you really want to work that hard all your life? Here’s another hard fact about bullies:

They get their thrills just knowing they have you jumping through hoops to prove yourself. Therefore, stop trying so hard to prove yourself to people who don’t (or shouldn’t) matter.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. “Who are these morons?

2. “Who are they that I should have to explain anything?”

3. “Since when do I have to explain anything to people who have no bearing on my life. They don’t pay my bills, they don’t sign my paychecks, and they aren’t my spouse or my parents. These people have no say over any part of my life.

4. Are they even up to my level?

5. Do they bring anything positive and worthwhile to my life?

Once you ask these questions, you will know the answers. Moreover, you’ll realize that you don’t owe these people a damn thing!

I understand that bullies can be intimidating and threatening. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death.

It’s difficult not to began rattling off in nervousness, when you just want them to go away and leave you in peace. But trust me, they won’t! Remember, bullies and abusers always come back for more!

This bears repeating. It won’t make things better. If anything, the harassment will only get worse because your reaction will only make you an even bigger and easier target.

Here’s what Will Happen Once You Realize what Your Bullies are Doing

 Once you realize what your bullies are doing and where it all comes from, you will began to get bored with them.  Also, you will blow the bullies off with a “whatever,” and walk away because their mind games will no longer affect you.

Therefore, you’ll feel much better. And the icing on the cake will be that you’ll take the wind out of the bullies’ sails. Moreover, you won’t be any fun to them anymore.

The day will then come when your bullies will finally leave you alone and find some one else to toy around with.

This is why you must do whatever is necessary to take back your personal power and your life. Stop thinking you have to explain yourself to people who could care less anyway. Since when do you owe thing a damn thing?

Know that you deserve so much better. Command the respect you deserve. Also command better treatment. And if that means you walk away and sever ties with toxic people, then, so be it.

Over-explaining yourself to them is a waste of time.

This post is a reminder that you don’t have to explain yourself to bullies and abusers. Its purpose was to help you lift yourself out of victimhood and reclaim your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down