‘Want to know what the 4 stages of bullying are so that you can know to put a stop to it before it gets out of control?
Bullying ruins the lives of millions of innocent people each year. If you’re one of them, you’re probably wondering how it begins and what it is about potential targets that attracts the ire of bullies. As someone who’s been in the crosshairs of bullies, I’m giving you the 4 stages of bullying, in full detail.
You will learn all the characteristics of each of the 4 stages of bullying so that you can know which stages your situation falls in.
Once you learn these phases, you will know what to do and if there’s still time to turn things around.
This post is all about the 4 stages of bullying and what you, as a target, can do to remedy the situation.
The 4 Stages of Bullying
This post isn’t about me and I always make sure to make every post about you, the reader. However, I feel compelled to tell you what my wise grandmother once told me.
“Never. And I mean NEVER… let anyone get comfortable with abusing and mistreating you.”
She was right. However, by the time she gave me that little gold nugget of wisdom, it was already too late.
I was in high school and had been a victim of bullying since moving to *Oakley School District in the sixth grade. Therefore, right then, I understood what she meant and why she gave me that advice.
Therefore, understand that bullying is a process. It goes through stages, the pre-beginning stage, beginning stage, middle stage, and late stage.
Moreover, the bullying can move through stages either quickly and even skip a stage or two, or more slowly. But, how it progresses depends on the situation, environment, and people involved.
1. Pre-beginning Stage of Bullying
A group of classmates or coworkers (bullies) search for a target. Once they spot a potential target (PT), they watch them closely, studying them. Here’s what the bullies try to figure out:
- What excites the PT
- Things that make the PT happy, sad, angry, upset, etc.
- What the PT most desires
- Any voids in life the PT has
- Any unmet and unfulfilled wants and needs the PT has.
- The PT’s body language and facial expressions to assess moods and mental states.
In other words, the bullies want to know these things to find areas where the PT is most vulnerable. Then, they can figure out whether the person would be an easy target.
2. Beginning Stage (Grooming Stage)
If you’re that PT, understand that bullies will test the waters by throwing out subtle or not-so-subtle insults and attacks to see how you react. If you give the bullies the reaction they’re looking for, they will select you and make you their target.
In other words, the bullies use the above process to groom you.
By this stage, the bullies have gathered the intel they searched for in the pre-beginning stage. They then weaponize it and use it in their attacks against you.
For example: If the bullies find out that your father has a drinking problem, or that your husband or wife is cheating on you. They may use the info to bait you into a reaction.
They may say something to the effect of:
“Hey, So-and-so! I heard that your father is a drunk (or, your wife cheated on you)! Is that true?”
You then fire back saying:
“No, he’s not (she didn’t)! You lay off!
Next, the bullies put you on the defense, then build off your defensive reaction. The bullies laugh and say, “Aww! ‘Smatter? ‘Truth hurt?”
And on and on the bullies build on each answer to get you riled.
The bullies continue to berate you until they get bored with the same tactics. They then escalate the attacks.
If you don’t stand up for yourself during this stage, you’ll come to be known as a pushover, a wimp- someone that is ripe for abuse.
And once that label becomes iron-clad, it will be almost impossible to keep people from using you as a doormat.
3. The 4 Stages of Bullying: Middle Stage.
In this stage, the bullies signal to other classmates or coworkers that you’re ripe for attack. Therefore, they encourage and even recruit bystanders to unite with them and join in the torment.
Moreover, bullies do this through gossip, rumors, accusations, and smear campaigns. They continue this behavior until, one by one, people begin turning against you.
As time goes by, more and more people turn their backs on you until you have no friends nor support system left.
Now, you have become radioactive. In other words, no one wants to associate with you because they know they’ll be next if they do.
Therefore, to ensure their own reputations don’t become tarnished, bystanders may avoid you altogether. Also, they may become willing participants in the attacks.
We call these people, secondary bullies.
During the middle stage of bullying, physical abuse begins.
In this stage, the bullying becomes physical. Therefore, bullies and others begin to physically attack you. First, they may accidentally on purpose, run into you in the hall or parking lot. Next, they’ll trip you as you’re walking outside.
After that, they hit you, kick, punch, and shove you. Finally, you’ll suffer brutal beatings by bullies and their new followers.
Although physical bullying can happen in the workplace, it’s much more common in the school environment.
The physical bullying then escalates to a climax. People seem to be standing in line, waiting on their turn to have a boxing match with you.
It grows to such that you, while only trying to defend yourself, get involved in many fights.
Consequently, the number of physical altercations causes teachers and staff (or police) to label you as the troublemaker.
Defamation of your character also grows during this stage.
Also, once the mistreatment goes on for so long, others get comfortable with abusing you. In fact, they grow so accustomed to being cruel to you that they don’t even think about nor care how they hurt you.
It is also during this stage that bullies and their recruits go home and tell their families horrible lies and rumors about you. The family members then spread the word to the people they know at work, the supermarket, etc.
Next, the coworkers, friends, and extended family members pass what they’re told to their families. And word of your perceived evilness or craziness spreads throughout the entire community.
Thus, they completely decimate your reputation. Therefore, everyone meets your reputation before getting the chance to meet you in person.
Understand that people do this deliberately to create a toxic environment for you. In other words, they lay the groundwork for an environment that doesn’t allow you to receive support, make new friends, nor rise above the abuse.
Finally, your opportunities for love, friendship, jobs, careers, etc. are either limited or lost.
4. The 4 Stages of Bullying: Late Stage.
Bullying becomes mobbing when it reaches this stage!
Now, people who’ve never met you wish to attack you. It becomes a case of “you don’t know me, but I know you.”
Therefore, this stage is the most dangerous because everyone around you becomes deranged. Also, they get so emboldened that they don’t try to hide their hatred anymore.
And why not? They’ve gotten away with their abuse for so long that they know that there’s no incentive to stop the attacks.
snowball effect
Once it reaches this stage, there’s no accountability. Moreover, when there’s no accountability for abuse, there are no limits to it.
Therefore, the bullies (and everyone else) can now escalate the abuse at will. This is the stage that bullying has become life-threatening.
Everyone in the community hates you and wants nothing more than to see you suffer. Understand that the “good people” of the community have no idea why they hate you. Moreover, they’ll never be able to tell you exactly what you did to deserve it.
All they know is that they loathe you and have an intense desire to destroy you.
Furthermore, people will come to expect you the take the abuse. Any attempts to defend yourself will only bring more outrage.
In fact, others will prevent you from questioning their abuse nor talking back to them when they verbally attack you. Also, they’ll try to prevent you from even talking about the abuse to people outside the dynamic.
In other words, when you finally get fed up and stand up to your persecutors, they won’t respect you for it.
The last and most dangerous of the 4 Stages of Bullying
Why is that? Because they’ve grown so accustomed to abusing you, any self-defense on your part takes them out of their comfort zones.
People love their comfort zones. Therefore, they’ll only retaliate and do everything in their power to subdue you. You’ll be in a constant battle which will only wear you down and exhaust you.
Again, this stage is the most dangerous and if you’ve reached this stage, now is the time to leave. Pick up and move to a different area and tell no one where you’re going or even that you’re moving.
Or transfer to a different school. Whatever the case, just find a way to quickly and quietly disappear because your life may depend on it.
Be warned that it is also during this stage that you’ll either die by suicide or leave town, move schools, or move on to a different company to pursue a better life. I hope you choose the latter and not the former.
If you choose the latter option, you’ll finally relocate and get a fresh start. You will also get a chance to reinvent yourself and move on to prosperity.
You will rebuild your life, begin to flourish, and create a better world for yourself.
Case In Point
You must firmly stand up to bad treatment in the early stages of bullying. Why? Because during these stages, it’s more likely that others will respect your right to be treated well.
Therefore, they’ll either leave you alone or began treating you better.
Whereas, if you allow the bullying go on for a long time before defending yourself, others will grow comfortable with abusing you. Therefore, they’ll probably only resent you for daring to open your mouth about it and stand up to their abuse.
They will then double down in their abuse or eliminate you somehow.
Why? Because, as mentioned earlier in the post, once people grow comfortable with mistreating you, it’s much more difficult to fight.
Therefore, always set and enforce your boundaries right when the bullying begins. Never let it go on for any length of time. The sooner you do, the easier it will be to assert your rights and avoid retaliation.
this post was all about the 4 stages of bullying so that you can better prepare your defense strategies.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
2. People Pleaser Test: 4 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser
3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices
4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons
5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect
