Tag: physical bullying

physical violence

Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

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Here is physical bullying information that physical bullies hope and pray you never find out. ‘Wanna know these secrets?

physical bullying information

Suffering physical bullying is painful and downright scary. You know that if a physical bully attacks you once, they’ll do it again. But what if I told you that there’s physical bullying information that you still don’t know and probably haven’t thought about?

In this post, you will learn physical bullying information that no one has told you about.

Once you learn about all these secrets that these bullies keep hidden, you will feel more confident in yourself just by knowing their weaknesses.

This post is all about the physical bullying information that no one has likely told you but every victim of bullying needs to know.

Physical Bullying Information

These bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

“Nobody will listen to me.”

“I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”

“They don’t value me.”

“They don’t respect me.”

“I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”

“I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

1. They Are the Weakest of All

But that is weakness because people only submit because they don’t the bully to beat them up. In other words, they never do it because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm.

True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. Therefore, when people have a choice and they choose to do something you want is so much more rewarding.

Understand that physical bullies see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others. They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame.

They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets. These people then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. Therefore, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

Physical Bullying Information: Using Physical Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.

“(The target) is wrong for defying me.”

“He never listens to me.”

“She never pays attention to me.”

“That loser is not giving me the respect they owe me.”

By shifting the blame onto their targets, physical bullies can blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  Physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty. They seem tough as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being, However, they’re really weak.

In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm or seductive powers.

In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

2. These types of Bullies Feel Powerless. they’re are No Different Than Rapists

For example, the reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way.

Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively.

Moreover, maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting and repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to potential partners, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

3. Physical Bullying Information: Physical Bullies Feel Vulnerable during conflicts.

It comes down to the bully’s views of not just others, but of themselves. The reason these bullies use physical force and violence is because they feel vulnerable in conflicts.

Therefore, they go to the only problem-solving technique they’re most comfortable and familiar with- physical violence.

Physical violence is the only way they feel they can punish their targets and, therefore, restore their self-esteem.

Here’s another way to look at it: Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met.

And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you. You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

4. They Feel They’re entitled and that you owe them.

These bullies tend to crave instant and immediate gratification and physical violence gives them that- an immediate rush of power and dominion, a thrill, a sense of control and that they’ve won.

Many physically violent bullies are egocentric and have delusions of grandeur. And when a target sticks up for themselves against these bullies right or wrong, they shatter that self-image.

Moreover, if  the victim happens to say something, anything back to the bullies, it causes the bullies to automatically see themselves as on the weaker end. This is why they retaliate so forcefully.

It makes these bullies feel weak and impotent. Therefore, they fly into a rage and use violence to restore that sense of power and invincibility.

Understand that these types of people are self-serving. Moreover, they feel superior to anyone else. Therefore, they think they have innate entitlements that supersede even the most basic human rights of their targets.

Physical Bullies Expect their victims to “Take it.”

In other words, these bullies believe they’re entitled to harm their targets.  On the other hand, their targets are just supposed to “shut up and take it.” ‘Just take the abuse without question or protest.

Therefore, when the victim opposes and protests the abuse, the bullies will take it as a challenge and an insult. As a result, they will use forceful and violent measures to take the target down.

5. Physical Bullying Information: Physical Bullies are Sadistic.

These people derive feelings of pleasure when beating up their targets and feel no shame unless they’re found out by the wrong people.

Moreover, they are open with their violence and do not fear retaliation nor accountability. Why? Because they know that most others are too scared to address the behavior and confront them.

As mentioned earlier, physical bullies with NPD have no qualms about asserting their dominance over others. They feel their entitlements are supreme to your basic rights.

Therefore, they confidently encroach on your time, your space, and your safety. Where most people would feel guilt and shame over hurting someone, physical bullies with NPD only feel powerful and victorious.

These bullies have a low threshold for frustration and will make their targets pay dearly for frustrating them.

Sadly, there isn’t much you can do to help these types of people. People with narcissistic personality disorder are resistant to any help or change. Consequently, those who are physically violent usually end up in prison for battery or murder.

However, there are a few things you can try if you’re the type who doesn’t like to fight.

Talk your way out of the altercation.

Do this if the bully threatens you with physical violence.

Give the bully a small dose of (false) empathy and sympathy. Pretend like you feel bad for “the poor guy” and use the appropriate tone of voice and body language to make it sound convincing.

Also, your body language and tone should match your words and convey empathy.

For example, you can begin with, “I understand why your upset about XYZ…” then state your case.

But don’t overdo it! Don’t say any more than what you need to say, don’t talk too fast or look nervous. The last thing you want is to come off like you’re trying too hard because the bully will only think you’re scared or fake.

If talking doesn’t work, leave the situation (if possible).

Find a way to get way away from the person. If you can’t get away because the bully has either cornered or trapped you, then, by all means, fight your way free if you have to.

Although you may not want to resort to hitting back, sometimes you have no choice. You either fight or get your butt handed to you.

Physical Bullying Information: Call for help. Call 911 and get the police involved.

The bully may get away with it, but at least you will have a record of the call and a police report on file should the bully come after you again.

You can’t go wrong with establishing a recorded history of bad behavior. A trail of records will go a long way in protecting you. Also, it helps to have foreknowledge of the 3 signs that verbal abuse will turn physical.

If all else fails, FIGHT!

And fight like hell! Sock the bully in the nose! Sometimes, you must use the last resort for self-defense. You’ve tried everything else so you have a record on the bully.

Also, chances are that others will know you fought in self-defense and give you a pass. This is another benefit to establishing a recorded history of your bully’s bad behavior.

However, if you get blamed and punished for defending yourself, know that you were in the right. Never let anyone convince you that you were wrong.

The purpose of this post was to give you the physical bullying information that almost no one else thinks about to give you something to boost your confidence level.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

When Fighting Is The Only Alternative You Have

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Many times throughout my life, I’ve heard people preach against fighting- and yes, even in self-defense. When I was being bullied- even physically so, I was often told by teachers and even the bullies themselves, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.”  Or, my personal favorite, “fighting isn’t lady-like.”

I’ve got news for these people- neither is getting your face beat in every day.

Be that as it may, fighting back was better than just standing there and taking the beatings. When you’re a target of bullying and you decide to stand up for yourself, there will be people who will climb up on their soapbox and insert their two cents where it doesn’t belong, telling you that “violence doesn’t solve anything,” and that “you shouldn’t stoop to their (the bullies’) level.”

You’ve heard the term, “All up in your Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.” Yep! That’s where they’ll will be when you get enough of bullying and decide once and for all to take care of business.

However, what else do you do if you’re a kid at school getting their brains beat out every other day? Just stand there and allow yourself to be harmed over and over again?

All the time, targets get suspended or expelled from school when they finally defend themselves against a bully. After six months, eight months, two years, or even five years of being mercilessly bullied and trying to handle it through nonviolent means, only to be called a wuss and beat up more, the target finally gets fed up and beats the living crap out of a bully.

Now everyone’s surprised and outraged! Not at the bully, but at the target! But where was their outrage when the target was getting their body pummeled without provocation? Where was their outrage when the shoe was on the other foot? Where was their humanity when the target cried out for help?

If you’re in school and you’re a target of bully. These questions are those you should ask the school authorities, bystanders, and anyone who gets offended by your defending yourself. Know that you’re just as good as the next person. Know that you have the same rights as anyone else- including your bullies. And know that you have the right to defend yourself anytime you’re threatened with physical harm.

Understand that this is a part of self-care. It’s true that fighting isn’t always the answer but sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting froggy, so be it.

It’s sad when a target must fight all the time to keep themselves from being harmed but I don’t hold it against anyone who fights back under those circumstances because you have to take care of yourself or no one else will.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Ways Bullies Gaslight Their Targets (Part 2)

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(…Continued from Part 1)

You already know the first three ways bullies use gaslighting. Here are more of their evil tactics and what you can do to keep your self-esteem intact.

4. Isolating the Target (Divide and Conquer)
Bullies often force their targets into isolation through social aggression (spreading rumors and lies about the person or intimidating his/her associates).

In doing this, bullies strategically turn the target’s friends and associates against them to cut him/her off from any support or protection they might otherwise receive. Once the subject is isolated, the bullies then move in for the kill and take the bullying to new heights.

If the target expresses the desire to change schools or workplaces, the bullies may try to discourage him/her by convincing them that they won’t be treated any better in the new environment or attempting to block the targets’ transfer and cut off any means of escape.

5. Bullies Make Themselves Out to be Superior and Cunningly Convince the Target that he/she needs them to get along.
Bullies slyly force their target to believe he/she somehow needs their approval. If the bullies can make the target dependent on them, their power and control only increase.

Bullies do this by convincing to target that they (the bullies) are the only ones who can better his/her (the target’s) situation- that only through them (the bullies) will the person be able to make friends and enjoy positive relationships! And only with their (the bullies’) permission will the target find happiness and fulfillment.

Also, bullies make the target believe that they must submit to their every whim and wish, no matter how demeaning, before they grant him/her relief from the attacks. But understand that bullies will never leave you alone! It’s is only another tactic to assert domination!

6. Empty Promises

“If you do this, I’ll go away quietly and leave you alone.”
“If you do that, I’ll be your friend.”
“If you’d only do XYZ, I’ll make things easier for you.”

Don’t buy any of it! You can never appease a bully. They will never go away or stop the harassment. They only make empty promises to keep you under their control. Understand that bullies have an insatiable appetite for power, control, and destruction.

They are like bottomless pits, and no matter what you do to please them, they’ll only continue or increase the torment. You must realize that no amount of bullying is ever enough for a bully. Bullies are power and drama addicts, and harassment of their targets is like a drug to them. They can never get enough! Bullies always come back for more! In short, they become drunk on their own power.

The only way to stop a bully is to either use reverse psychology, put the fear of God into him/her by calling them out publicly, or go no contact if you can. If you can’t, then use the first two suggestions. It may or may not work, but keep it up. Because if you just clam up and say nothing, you’ll feel terrible about yourself later.

There are two things bullies fear most. Losing face and losing power, which would only come from having their evil exposed and and with the target ceasing to care what they say and think altogether. NOTE: When you stop caring (which can only happen after you see the bullies for the pathetic souls they really are), it’ll be so much easier to come back with a witty, one-line counter-dig and keep walking.

Another important note: DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Write it all down in detail to keep records of this kind of stuff! You may need it!!!!!!

Jot down what happened (in detail), including date and time it happened, where it happened, who the bullies are, names of any bystanders, teachers, supervisors, etc., and if possible, why it happened (was it retaliation?)! EVERYTHING!

Find ways to expose bullies and reclaim your power.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Ways Bullies Gaslight Their Targets

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blame accuse pointing finger

Gaslight- to manipulate someone by psychological means into doubting their sanity.

Remember that bullying is all about domination and control. Once the bully selects a target and begins their reign of terror over the chosen victim, they will do everything possible to maintain that dominance. Also, understand that bullies get a huge psychological payoff at the victim’s expense. Abusing their targets gives bullies a rush of power and a sense of authority and control.

If there is a culture of bullying at a school, workplace, or community, bullies are also rewarded with attention, high social status and promotions from others while the target suffers the opposite. And a bully will fight like crazy to keep those benefits should the target speak out and shed light on the behavior.

Once the target sees the behavior for what it is and begins to assert their right to be treated fairly, bullies will become angry and afraid. They will see the target as a threat to their power and increase the harassment to subdue, silence and punish the person.

Seasoned bullies maintain power by emotionally abusing, brainwashing, and psychological abuse to disempower the target and make themselves seem bigger and better than what they are. They use these methods because psycho/emotional bullying leaves no physical evidence and is much easier to deny.

They do this by convincing their target (and everyone else) that he/she is defective or no good, thereby stripping the target’s confidence and self-esteem.

Here are ways bullies gaslight their targets:

1. Persistent lying
Bullies tell vague lies and trying to convince you that you are mentally unstable, less than, deserving of the mistreatment, or that you’re somehow defective. Bullies will make statements to others such as,

toxic brainwashing

“He’s a waste of space, and he needs to realize it already!”

“She’s such an embarrassment! How does she even show her face in public every day?”

“Who gives a #$% about his feelings! He doesn’t matter!”

“She brought it all on herself!”

Bullies will also tell their targets things like:

“What are you smiling about? Nobody likes you! Remember?”

“I’m not bullying you! You’re just over-reacting!”

Displeased woman looking at her growing nose and trying to stop it with her finger isolated on white background

“You’re just being (paranoid, overly sensitive, a crybaby, etc.)! You need help!”

“Nobody’s mistreating you! You’re just playing the victim to look innocent to everyone else!

“You think you’re (smart, pretty, cute, tough, cool, etc.), don’t’ you! You’re nothing!”

“You’re so (arrogant, retarded, crazy, ugly, fat, skinny, etc.) nobody believes a word you say!”

I could go on and on.

Bullies deliberately repeat these lies over and over again and for a long time to convince the target that they are right. Understand that this constant repetition has a purpose! To instill insecurity in the victim, wear them down and force him/her to resign themselves and acquiesce.

It serves to brainwash the target and force him/her to believe the bully’s lies. As a result, the target becomes riddled with confusion, social anxiety and shame. Eventually, the person loses the ability to counter the attacks

You must realize that this is the bully’s strategy to render control and keep the target under their control and from rebelling against the abuse.

2. Wearing the Target Down and forcing him/her to agree with them.
Bullies continue to put the target down and marginalize them until he/she is so tired or afraid of defending against them that the person shuts down, grows numb to the abuse and surrenders to the bullies.

Bullying, friendship and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing finger at shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

3. Become Highly Aggressive When the Target Calls Out the Abuse
Bullies may try to maintain their power by intensifying and escalating the attacks in addition to blaming and shaming the target. Understand that this is designed to subdue and further subjugate the person by intimidation and to force him/her into silence and submission. It also allows the bully to escape accountability and to have a green light for continued and future attacks.

(More to come in Part 2…)

Translating the Tactics Bullies Use

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Social Aggression: When Bullies Spread Lies and Rumors About You

The possible underlying messages are:

“I hate you, and I want everyone else to hate you too!”

“I’m jealous of your relationships!”

“I don’t want you to have friends! I don’t want you to be popular with others! I don’t want you to have support or protection because I plan to bully you again later! Any success you have in relationships will only highlight my lack of social graces or my own dysfunctional relationships! So, I’m going to destroy your friendships to punish you and make myself feel and look better than you! I’m going to trash your reputation so I can shine, and so people will pay more attention to your flaws than they will mine!”

Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept

“I’m scared you’ll have more friends than me.”

“I’m scared you’ll have allies who will protect you from me and make me look weak.”

“I’m going to use you as a distraction from my own shortcomings. If people are too busy focusing on your flaws, they’re less likely to see mine.”

When Bullies Beat You up

The possible messages are:

“You challenged my authority over you and made me look like a punk! So, I’m going to show you who’s boss and ensure you never defy my power again!”

“I feel weak and powerless! So, I’m going to use my physical strength to hurt you, embarrass you and make you look weaker so I can feel and look strong to others!”

When the Bully Justifies Themselves to You or Others, or When They Blame You for Their Bad Behavior

The possible messages are:

“I’m so scared that you’ll see right through me! So, I’m going to make you doubt your sanity. I’m going to make you feel like everything I do to you is your fault! That way, you’ll be least likely to call attention to my terrible actions and make me look bad or get me in trouble with authority!”

“I’m so afraid you’ll expose my terrible deeds to others and damage the excellent reputation that I’ve falsely kept up for so long! So, I’ve got to make up any excuse that sounds plausible to keep my evils hidden and avoid facing accountability!

dreamstime_xs_158125381

“I’m scared that I’ll be found out and punished! So, I’m blaming you so that everyone will think you’re at fault and believe you are the bully! By accusing you, I can avoid responsibility, then get the green light to keep harassing you! Then, I can keep getting the psychological and emotional benefits I’ve been getting at your expense!”

So, you see? The bully’s treatment of you is about them! Not you! Learn to see through the bullies’ facades, and I guarantee that their attacks will have a much lesser effect on you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies with Anger Issues

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Many bullies have anger issues. If you’re a target of these types of bullies, I want to warn you that things can get dangerous very quickly. These overly aggressive bullies will make you pay dearly when you don’t bow down and let them have their way with you. And they usually come back at you with explosive outbursts of rage, vicious cursing, and name-calling.

This kind of person is like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum. Bullies of this caliber will:

1.turn red-faced, curse and scream at you to the top of their lungs,

2. call you the vilest names

3. hurl objects at you from across the room.

4. destroy your personal property

Retro Emoji rage anger boiling woman face pop art retro style

Many of my classmates were these types- people who had only reached a two-year-old’s maturity level and stopped there. It seemed that when I wouldn’t be their puppet, they’d get physical and try to beat me into submission.

Understand that these kinds of bullies can’t ask for what they want respectfully because, if they do, they’ll only be giving you the freedom to say no. They would give you a chance to cut those puppet strings. Then where would that leave them?

It would leave them without a target.

Some of them will threaten you with:

1. “If you don’t do this, I’ll kick your a**.”

2. “If you say that, I’ll beat the sh** out of you.”

And some may not. But! You know the threat is there because these bullies will give you that threatening look or they loom just a little too close to intimidate you. Their body language speaks for them. Their nostrils will flair like a bull getting ready to charge, or they face you with a threatening stance while clenching their fists. They are the classic bullies.

Realize that overly aggressive bullies are so afraid of losing control of you. They react with rage if you don’t comply or take the abuse.

As I type this, I think about one bully, in particular, I’ll call her Kitty.

If there’s one thing I remember about her, it’s her volatile temper. During the eighth grade, I remember standing in the lunch line, and Kitty shoving me from behind and screaming at me to move. She pushed me so hard that she almost knocked me to the floor.

I don’t know what came over me that day, but people had bullied me for a few years, and I finally got fed up. I shouted back, telling her to keep away from me and not to ever put her hands on me again. Suddenly, her eyes flashed, and she grabbed a steak knife from the utensil section. Back then, schools used real silverware, not plastic cutlery. And she lunged at me with it.

To this day, I can still remember the white-knuckled grip she had on the potential weapon. Luckily, the principal and several male teachers grabbed and restrained her before she could attack. And mind you, Kitty was a huge 200+ pound, and close to six feet tall gargantuan. I was only, maybe, 110-120 lbs and five foot three or four. So, she could’ve done considerable damage without the knife. Lord knows what she would’ve done with it.

Then, there was the incident in the principal’s office after she’d tried to attack me in the classroom when she went berserk and grabbed the principal’s nameplate off his desk and charged me with it. Luckily, the principal and another teacher restrained her.

So, I want to warn you that, yes, such people exist and they’re dangerous. It’s best to avoid these types of bullies if possible. However, understand that overly-aggressive bullies are the type who will also hunt you down if you’re not available.

Kitty was that type. You couldn’t avoid her for long.

If a bully tracks you down, I can only tell you this. If the school won’t punish these crazies, the best thing to do is document the bullying and keep a journal of it, using the 5W rule. You should also contact the police and get a restraining order against these kinds of bullies. In doing these things, you establish records of past abuse, and these records can serve as evidence in court in the event the person maims you, or worse. You may also need to transfer schools to ensure your safety.

Do everything you can to take care of yourself and stay safe.