Tag: double-standards

Facts About Selective Outrage: 13 Truths You Need to Know

4 Comments

Want to know all the facts about selective outrage? Here are the truths you need to know.

facts about selective outrage

 

When you suffer bullying, your bullies may hold you to standards that don’t apply to others. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the facts about selective outrage so that you can recognize it and stand up to it when it happens to you.

Once you learn all about these crucial truths, you will be able to see them as they happen and protect yourself.

This post will give you all the facts about selective outrage so that you’ll have the knowledge to call it out when you see it.

Facts About Selective Outrage

Selective outrage is a tool for bullies and a weapon against victims.

1. Selective outrage isn’t about morality. It’s about controlling perception, protecting high status, and punishing dissent.

In short, selective outrage is about keeping you in your place. Bullies use selective outrage to keep you from speaking up. As long as they keep you silent, you don’t speak against their narrative.

Moreover, it keeps them beyond reproach. Selective outrage isn’t only a bullying tactic, it’s a tool for social control.

2. The best way to spot it is to know your worth.

The importance of loving yourself cannot be overstated. Once you know your worth, selective outrage becomes much clearer. Therefore, you stop internalizing double standards.

When you have self-love, you stop asking, “What did I do wrong?” Instead, you start asking, “Why do they only enforce these rules with me?”

And when this happens, it’s much easier to call it out.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

3. It is often organized, even if it is unspoken or unwritten.

It rarely operates alone. Therefore, it’s a coordinated attack. In the bullying dynamic, several people play their part. Here are the different parts people play in selective outrage.

  • Loud moral-enforcers
  • Quiet enforcers
  • Concerned witnesses
  • Authorities who involve themselves at the wrong time.

the loud moral-enforcer.

These people are the moral grandstanders of the mob. They are the leaders. Moreover, they are “righteous hypocrites.” Why? Because they will condemn the same thing in you that they allow those they like to get away with.

They may also give those they dislike less than they do you a free pass. But see this for what it is. It’s a blatant double standard.

And call it out. They may lash out worse when you do. But know that they get angrier because they know that you’re telling the truth, and their anger is only proof of that.

the Quiet Enforcers.

These are often those who silently choose to obey the double standards. They are those who choose not to act or speak in ways that go against those so-called standards.

Facts about Selective Outrage:

Concerned Witnesses.

The concerned bystanders are those who witness the unequal outrage. They are fully aware of the bias against you. However, they usually stay silent because they don’t want to suffer the same fate as you do.

Better you than them.

Authorities who INVOLVE themselves at the wrong time.

It’s not always planned, but it’s a social alliance. Groups will automatically protect the dominating narrative. This is why the outrage is usually contagious. It spreads like a communicable disease.

When those in authority intervene, they often come in at the tail end of the confrontation. In other words, they may not have seen the bullies provoke you. But they see you acting in self-defense.

Therefore, they label you the aggressor and punish you.

4. the outrage isn’t triggered by your behavior, it’s triggered by a threat to someone’s status.

You usually trigger selective outrage when you…

  • assert a boundary
  • Stop complying
  • Stop trying to explain yourself
  • Quit apologizing
  • Start getting a little bit of respect

Facts About Selective Outrage:

Asserting boundaries

Bullies don’t recognize boundaries. Therefore, when you start setting boundaries, expect them to react angrily. Expect them to retaliate.

Refusal to comply

When you stop complying with their demands, bullies no longer control you. And when bullies lose control, they will become highly pissed. They will feign outrage to reinforce their power.

Refusal to explain.

When you stop explaining your behavior, you take back your power. Bullies are control freaks. Therefore, they won’t like it.

Refusal to apologize

When you stop apologizing, you don’t feel guilty for anything that isn’t worth guilt. Unnecessary guilt is what bullies count on for control. And when they can have it, you know what comes next.

getting respect

Usually, part of the bullies’ narrative is that their targets aren’t worthy of respect. And when people start respecting you, it contradicts that.

Moreover, when a bully’s narrative collapses, so does their power. If nothing else, understand this. It isn’t what you did, it’s what you stopped putting up with.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

5. Selective outrage breeds “moral inversion.”

Moral inversion is when the victim is portrayed as the aggressor. Here are several examples in the bulleted list below.

  • If you defend yourself, you’re not protecting yourself; you’re escalating the bullying.
  • If you document the bullying, you’re not gathering evidence; you’re obsessing over it.
  • You withdraw? You’re not doing it to protect yourself from abuse; you’re doing it to be passive-aggressive. Or you’re being anti-social.
  • If you’re friendly, you’re sucking up.
  • If you laugh, you’re trying to get attention.
  • Or, if you cry, you’re being dramatic.
  • If you smile, you’re faking happiness.
  • If you dress up, you must be trying to get a date or get laid.

This kind of outrage inverts reality. It is the most dangerous because it can cause you to doubt yourself. Moreover, bullies can use it for anything, and I mean anything you say and do, good or bad.

6. It takes advantage of social myths.

Selective outrage thrives on social myths.

  • The louder a person is, the more they care.
  • Anger is righteousness.
  • If a large number of people are outraged, then it must be true.
  • If you’re quiet and calm, you’re guilty of something.
  • And you’re private, you’re trying to hide something.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

The louder a person is, the more they care.

This is false. However, too many people still fall for it. Emotion is often mistaken for passion, but it can be faked. And you can usually tell because body language doesn’t match the emotion. Here’s how to pick up on feigned emotions.

  • The person appears to cry, but no tears are falling.
  • The person smiles with their mouth but not their eyes.
  • They’re angry in public but not in private.
  • They only cry, scream, or shout when an audience is present.
  • Calling you out for a certain behavior but staying silent when someone else displays the same behavior.

Anger is righteous.

In cases of selective outrage, bullies claim that their anger proves their righteousness. But does it really? Again, true anger means being consistent with your principles.

Therefore, if they condemn certain actions in one person and not in others, they have no principles. Therefore, they’re only posing for the cameras.

Also, many people fake outrage because you’re a safe target and it’s safe to do so. Or they may do it because it benefits them in some way. Again, the keyword here is “selective.”

Facts About Selective Outrage:

IF a large number of people are OUTRAGED, then it must be true.

Not so. People will do whatever they must to belong. And if that means faking outrage, they’ll do it to be part of a majority.

Remember that hate unites people faster than love. And hate inspires outrage. Therefore, many will feign outrage to gain unity with others. Some outrage is strictly for group cohesion.

It’s not that you did anything wrong. And it’s not that you hurt anyone. You’re probably innocent of any wrongdoing. However, they want to make you look evil. Then, they can use you as a tool to boost camaraderie among themselves.

If you’re quiet and calm, you’re guilty of something.

Sure, some stay quiet and calm to hide something they’ve done wrong. However, this isn’t true for everyone.

Lots of people are quiet and calm, and it’s a part of who they are. Moreover, being so is how many handle altercations, so this is not a bad thing.

However, bullies are experts at twisting anything to suit their narrative. And sadly, quiet and calm people are mistakenly judged as being sneaky. Many assume that they’re trying not to draw attention to themselves.

Hence the old saying, “It’s the quiet ones you should watch out for.”

Facts About Selective Outrage:

If you’re a private person, you’re trying to hide something.

Again, not true. If you’re a private person, it’s not about having anything to hide. It’s that some things just aren’t anyone else’s business.

You wouldn’t strip naked and run through the streets, revealing certain body parts. And the same goes for certain aspects of your life.

You have as much right to privacy as anyone else. Therefore, if there are certain things you don’t want people to know, that’s your prerogative.

So, don’t let anyone intimidate you into revealing personal details about your life. Guard your privacy with your life.

7. Selective outrage is performed.

In other words, it’s a bunch of emotional theater. Many people fake intense anger for show. And, it’s usually because it’s fashionable or because it benefits them.

But sadly, people will feel compelled to respond to emotional intensity rather than evidence.

8. This kind of outrage deliberately baits a reaction.

When bullies manufacture outrage, they also do it to lay a trap for you. They put you on the defensive and try to get you to over-explain. Moreover, they try to get you to apologize needlessly.

Or they may bait you into lashing out emotionally. You may also withdraw in shame. However, if you do any of these things, you will only confirm the narrative they’re trying to push. But if you stay calm, you expose the narrative.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

9. It is used to destroy your reputation.

  • Creates a negative pattern of you in the minds of others
  • Positions you as evil
  • Adds stigma to your name.

Creates a negative pattern of you in the minds of others

Through this kind of outrage, bullies can take one bad incident and mold it into a defining character flaw. In this, they make you seem like a serial rule violator.

Moreover, they ignore context. In other words, it won’t matter whether someone was abusing you and you were defending yourself. All they’ll care about is that you stand up to them and “got out of line.” That you didn’t “know your place.”

It also strips away humanity. How? You may ask. Others no longer see you as a human being. Instead, they see you as a symbol of what behaviors they should avoid. Moreover, they won’t see you as just “wrong.” They’ll see you as morally inferior.

It can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Put another way, you may react defensively and emotionally. And others will only take your justified reaction as proof that you really are an evil person.

When bullies blast you for behaviors others get away with, it trains others to watch for those behaviors. If done long enough, others will view even your neutral behavior through a negative lens. Moreover, they will ignore any good deeds that come from you.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

Positions you as evil

You will be under the influence of the Reverse Halo Effect or Horns effect. Any good you do will be looked at with suspicion. People will think your good behavior is only for ulterior motives.

This usually happens in the late stages of bullying. Therefore, unless you leave the environment, you won’t be able to change anything, no matter what.

Adds stigma to your name

Selective outrage forces you to wear a modern-day scarlet letter. It associates you with one mistake without considering your overall character.

Also, it takes away context because it doesn’t consider the overall situation. In other words, no one cares about what caused your behavior or the intent behind it.

In fact, bullies intentionally take everything out of context to stigmatize you. Stigma is damn hard to remove, and they know it.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

10. Authority looks at optics, not fairness.

When authority sees outrage, they will ask:

  • Who looks the calmest?
  • Who seems more reasonable?
  • What protects the angry mobs’ image?
  • What is the easiest way to resolve this?

People who appear the calmest and most reasonable will win the most credibility. More than likely, selective outrage will make you a mental wreck. You will be nervous and, worst of all, emotional.

The angry mob might be more emotional than you. But there are also more of them than there are of you. Therefore, because they outnumber you, the authority will more than likely side with them and do what they want.

And what the mob wants is for authority to protect their image and trash yours. Moreover, they want authority to punish you. Therefore, those in power will do so because it will be the easiest way to solve the problem.

The mob, because of its numbers and loudness, has more power than you. Therefore, the easiest way to solve this is to punish you. And why not, if it will shut them up and get them to go away?

Authority will usually punish the person with the least power. And that person is you if you’re a victim of bullying and selective outrage.

It’s not about justice. It’s about what’s easiest.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

11. Selective outrage is dangerous. Why? Because IT… 

  • forces you to constantly monitor your tone of voice.
  • shrinks your voice.
  • causes you to over-apologize.
  • Hide to keep people from seeing you.
  • Anticipate outrage before it happens.

You keep from sounding angry and emotional so as not to trigger the bullies. This shrinks your voice. Instead of speaking assertively, you speak flatly or quietly.

You may over-apologize to keep everyone off your back. Or you may hide to be “out of sight and out of mind.”

You may predict outrage before it happens. Therefore, you consistently monitor yourself to keep from attracting the wrong attention.

Therefore, to protect yourself, you start enforcing the double standard on yourself.

12. This kind of outrage hides behind “virtue.”

Bullies often disguise it as:

  • Advocacy
  • Professionalism
  • Spiritual Maturity.
  • Justice.
  • Mental health awareness
  • Community standards.

Many bullies become advocates for different causes. However, they’re only virtue signalling. So, they use that to bully. Workplace bullies may accuse you of being unprofessional if you stand up to them.

Moreover, many bullies view submission to abuse as emotional maturity. Or, they may paint their behavior as justice for something you did to them.

Nowadays, many bullies use mental health as a crutch. They also use it as a license to bully. And because they’re “mentally sick,” you’re supposed to feel sorry for them and let them abuse you.

Lastly, bullies may hide behind community standards. However, in most cases, those standards are intentionally vague. Vagueness is a tool they use to punish anything they don’t like, right or wrong.

Understand that their language may sound noble, but it’s really abusive… and targeted. How? If their values were real, they’d apply them to everyone, not just you.

Facts About Selective Outrage:

13. Selective outrage conditions you.

How? You may ask. It programs you to:

  • Stay quiet.
  • Stay small.
  • Stay invisible.
  • Be agreeable.
  • Be useful.
  • Not to threaten the social order.
  • Stay with the status quo.
  • Take abuse.

When bullies use this kind of outrage, they do it to force you to submit. Why? Because if you don’t comply, they have no power. Understand that your compliance is their power.

What can you do?

Never ask, “Did I do something wrong?” Because they will either tell you that you did or they will react with sarcasm and say something to the tune of, “Wow! You don’t know?”

Instead, ask yourself, “Would they react this way if someone else did the same?” Then, confidently call that out if the answer is yes.

And refuse to comply, no matter how hard they make things for you. This is what you do to keep your sanity. And if all else fails, remove yourself from the environment.

Selective outrage is everywhere, especially today. The more you know about it, the more you recognize it, and the better you protect yourself from it. Remember that it’s okay to defend yourself.

This post gave you all the facts about selective outrage so that you can recognize it when it happens to you and have the courage to stand up to it and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Selective Outrage: 7 Reasons Bullies Use It

2. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important 

3. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

4. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do

5. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

selective outrage bullying

Selective Outrage: 7 Reasons Bullies Use It

6 Comments

Have you heard of the fairly new term, “selective outrage”? And do you know what it is? Here’s what it is and why it’s the most common manipulation tactic in the bully’s playbook.

selective outrage

Bullies are notorious for using this dangerous tactic against their targets. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what it is and the ways bullies weaponize it.

Once you discover all these crucial details, you will then be able to recognize it when it happens. You will also be able to call it out by name and defend yourself against this insidious bullying tactic.

This post is all about selective outrage so that you will be able to see it as it occurs, defend yourself against it, and overcome it.

Selective Outrage

So, what is selective outrage? It is when people ignore bad behavior in others, then turn around and condemn it when their victims do the same. They may also use it when the behavior threatens them.

This happens a lot in politics. However, you also see it in cases of bullying because, unfortunately, bullying and politics go hand-in-hand.

When bullies use this tactic against you, they may use “moral language to punish you for the same actions others get away with. Notice that the key word, here, is “selective.”

It’s not about the behavior itself; it’s about who’s doing it. 

Why do bullies use it?

Bullies use selective outrage for several reasons. Here they are.

1. To redefine rules based on hierarchy (power).

Here’s a simple description:

When bullies or anyone else interrupts a conversation, it’s a sign of confidence. However, when you do it, they label you as disrespectful.

Anyone else can gossip, and they’re only concerned. But when you gossip, you’re stirring up drama.

Therefore, they aren’t throwing a fit based on your behavior. They’re doing it based on your position in the social hierarchy.

Again, everyone else can get away with it. But because you’re a victim of bullying and at the bottom of the social hierarchy, you can’t.

Bullies are constantly shifting the goalposts. And they do it specifically for this reason.

2. Selective Outrage:

To claim the moral highground.

Bullies are masters at pretending to be kind. In public, they may fake tolerance. They may also claim to be peaceful.

However, they usually behave the opposite way when they think that others aren’t paying attention. Moreover, they may have people and other entities who cover for them. Therefore, they become emboldened to abuse those they hate.

Bullies with power can do whatever they want, no matter how cruel. However, if you defend yourself, they come down hard on you. In other words, the outrage only comes out when you assert your rights to be treated with dignity.

They can abuse you for months, but the moment you respond in kind, it’s a problem.

3. To alienate you.

Bullies use it to reframe self-defense as aggression. They can walk all over you, and you’re supposed to take it with a smile. But the moment you as much as talk back, you pay a heavy price.

Why? Because they only push back harder to punish you for talking back. Moreover, they will frame your self-defense as either bullying or an overreaction. Therefore, they will convince others that you’re in the wrong.

And when bystanders and witnesses see you as the villain, you quickly lose allies and support.

4. Selective Outrage:

To blame you for their behavior.

By using fake outrage to make their bullying look like self-defense, bullies blame you. And they convince others that they are the victims.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this long enough to know what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, they are master manipulators who acquire great skill in the art of deception. They are the best wordsmiths and con artists, often using charm to deceive those in authority.

They may make “You Made me” and “You Make Me” Statements

Have you noticed that bullies always make statements such as, “You ‘made me’ do it!”? I’ll bet that you have. Bullies often make the following statements to justify their behavior and blame you.

  • “You ‘made me’ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
  • “You ‘make’ people want to hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me’ hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me’ mad!”
  • “You make me hate you!”

These are all statements bullies use to gaslight you. They want to brainwash you into believing that their behavior is your fault. They need you and everyone else to believe that you somehow provoke them to act the way they do. That you made them lash out.

5. Selective outrage:

To fool bystanders.

SO tricks bystanders into thinking that the bullies are only responding to injustice. In other words, they’re only holding you responsible for something you must have done wrong.

In that, the bullies come off as fair to others. However, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that accountability only rolls downhill and lands at the bottom. And if you’re a target of bullying, chances are that you’re the one on the bottom.

And those in authority will only side with bullies in power. Why? Their outrage gives them a believable narrative to justify their behavior.

Why does it work so well?

It works because most people mistakenly respond to emotional intensity rather than fairness. Language that is loud, emotional, and moral seems truthful. Moreover, human beings are hardwired to avoid social exclusion.

When bullies manufacture outrage, it’s not about being right. It’s about controlling others’ perception of you.

What are the benefits of selective outrage?

  • It helps your bullies to project their bad behavior onto you more successfully.
  • It protects your bullies’ reputation.
  • Also, it helps them to maintain their social status.
  • It helps them to keep from losing their power and dominance.

If nothing else, understand this. Bullies don’t care about ethics. They only pretend to. What they really care about is maintaining the status quo and social order that benefits them.

Selective outrage is often unspoken but organized. In other words, it’s a coordinated attack because it never operates alone.

So, what are the ways bullies use SO?

There are several ways bullies use SO.

1. They project.

In other words, they project all their faults and shortcomings on you. In doing this, they successfully reverse the roles, making you look like the bully and themselves the victim.

Anytime bullies and abusers face possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry to feign victimhood. This tactic is mostly used by female bullies.

2. They use double standards.

It’s “rules for thee and not for me.”

Bullies are the biggest hypocrites! Moreover, another unfortunate reality of bullying is that they almost always hold you to their double standards.

The bullies, especially those in authority, will often condemn you for statements and actions they allow others to get away with.

Often, people will get angry at you for things they’d never get angry at others for. In other words, bullies select whom to inflict their outrage on and whom to grant a free pass.

3. Selective Outrage:

They take away any merit you may have.

Here’s another thing to be aware of. Bullies and their followers personalize ideas and creations, which are independent things that should stand on their own merit.

In other words, bullies and others will undermine ideas or creations if they find out that they originated from you. On the other hand, if the exact ideas or creations come from anyone other than you, people will accept them. In fact, they may even praise them.

In short, it’s not about the idea or creation itself. It’s about who it comes from.

Sadly, the reality is that nothing- no action, statement, idea, or creation ever stands on its own merit. Nothing is ever independent of the person who conceived it.

4. They Claim that you had it coming.

Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. They may say that you made them do it.

  • “You ‘made me‘ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
  • “You ‘make‘ people want to hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me‘ hurt you!”
  • “Don’t ‘make me‘ mad!”

However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to blame you and take the guilt off themselves.

5. Selective Outrage:

They imply that you must have provoked it.

For example, if you’re bullied at school, you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”

Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.

6. They ask you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

Authority figures are notorious for this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put it off on you.

7. They organize physical attacks.

Bullies may set up organized physical attacks to blame you for their abuse. What do I mean? Here it is.

They may stage fights with you and other people. This is designed to bait you. For instance, they may go to the others and tell them that you said something bad about them. And you probably didn’t. In fact, you probably don’t know the person.

Nevertheless, you have people you don’t know confronting you and threatening physical harm. And, sooner or later, one of them attacks you. Then, a week later, another person physically assaults you.

A month later, another person jumps you. And these attacks repeat themselves until people begin looking at you with suspicion. Why? Because the fights always seem to involve you.

Others can’t help but think, “Why would so many people want to jump Jackie if she isn’t provoking them somehow?”

But that’s the idea! If you are in this kind of predicament, this is precisely what your bullies were counting on! It was the plan all along!

Selective Outrage:

In Conclusion

If you are a victim of selective outrage bullying, there are several things you can do to defend yourself against it:

  • Name the double standards calmly. (“I’ve noticed that no one says anything to so-and-so when they did the same thing.”)
  • Insist on clarity. (Would you like to clarify what the rules are so I can follow them?)
  • Don’t get emotional. Remember that the goal of outrage is to provoke an emotional reaction. Don’t give them what they want.
  • Document everything. This is the time to keep a bullying journal.

This post is all about selective outrage so that you will notice it when it happens and be better prepared to protect yourself from it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Double Standards: 3 Things Bullies and Others Get Away with that Targets Don’t

2. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying

3. Bullying Techniques: 5 Top Sneakiest Tactics 

bullying and double standards at work

Bullying and Double Standards: 3 Things Bullies and Others Get Away with that Targets Don’t

4 Comments

‘Want to know about bullying and double-standards bullies and others hold you to? Here are 7 things bullies get away with that others don’t.

bullying and double standards

Unfortunately, people holding you to double standards is a huge part of being a target of bullying. However, knowledge is power and it can be a tool you can use to overcome it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and double standards so that you can call it out and use it to defend yourself.

Once you learn all about these game-changing information, you will be able to call it all out for what it is and use it to fight back.

This post is all about bullying and double standards so that you’ll have the knowledge to arm yourself with.

Bullying and Double Standards

Bullies are the biggest hypocrites! Moreover, another unfortunate reality of bullying is that they almost always hold you to their double standards.

The bullies, especially those in authority, will often condemn you for statements and actions they allow others to get away with. Ever heard the term, “selective outrage?”

Selective outrage is when people get angry at you for things they’d never get angry at others for. In other words, bullies select who to inflict their outrage on and who they should grant a free pass.

Here’s another thing bullies do. They demonize you for things that are harmless or innocent.

Merit goes out the window

Here’s another thing to be aware of. Bullies and their followers personalize ideas and creations, which are independent things that should stand on their own merit.

In other words, bullies and others will undermine or dismiss any idea or creation if they find out that it originated from you. On the other hand, if the exact ideas or creations come from anyone other than you, people will accept them. In fact, they may even praise them.

In short, it’s not about the idea or creation itself. It’s about who it comes from.

Sadly, the reality is that nothing- no action, statement, idea or creation ever stands on its own merit. Nothing is ever independent of the person who conceived it.

Bullying and Double Standards:

So, why Do people Set double standards?

1. To Assign different roles to different people in different positions in the social hierarchy.

In other words, they put them in place to assign good roles and more freedom to the people society approves of. On the other hand, people also set them to assign lower and more restrictive roles to those they hate or dislike.

No, it isn’t always fair. Therefore, should you continue to wonder why bullies defame and demonize you to others?

They do it to turn others against you, yes. However, they also do it because they know that once everyone is against you, you won’t have the freedom and mobility you once had.

Therefore, a bad reputation, whether you deserve it or not, keeps you down and locked in place. There’s no chance for advancement or mobility unless you leave the environment.

2. Bullying and Double Standards:

To elevate, angelize and benefit the people we approve of and to degrade, demonize and harm the people we disapprove of.

Understand that people hold a target of bullying to double standards for one reason only. And that sole reason is to stress, oppress and invalidate the person.

Again, it doesn’t matter whether or not you deserve it. What matters is how people feel about you.

Remember that emotions and personal feelings always- always take priority over logic. It always has and always will. And the sooner you accept it, the quicker and more effectively you will be able to find your way around it.

Here are a couple of ways you can get around a double-standard:

1. Go incognito if possible.

If you write a paper or invent something, don’t use your real name in the beginning. Use a pen name or pseudonym before submitting it.

If you have bullies around, they won’t know it was you who created it. Therefore, they will likely approve of it.

Then, once people approve and recognize the work for its brilliance, everyone will want to know who the mystery person is. Once an award has been prepared and everything’s all said and done, you can reveal who you are. Think of the movie, “The Cinderella Pact.”

I’ve also heard of people doing similar things in real life. However, this only works in certain situations.

2. Meet strangers who don’t know and haven’t heard of you.

Find and befriend strangers who don’t know of your damaged reputation. Then keep company with them.

These people are least likely to judge you because there will be no history or biases. With them, you start with a clean slate. Therefore, you can put your best foot forward and be your best you!

Reputations are hard to change, but with careful thought, inventiveness, and creativity, you can intelligently work your way around your circumstances.

When there’s a culture of bullying at school or in the company, everything is all about appearances. Therefore, it isn’t about what’s being done; it’s about who’s doing it.

Sadly, people often hold victims of bullying to a double-standard. Again, if someone makes a statement, it’s never about the comment itself.

It’s about who it came from. Unfortunately, politics, whether it be on a national, local, school, or office level, is rife with double-standards.

Bullying and Double Standards:

So, What do bullies get away with that others don’t?

1. Romantic relationships, whether it’s an affair or a Genuine Love Relationship.

For example, the student body and people in the community find out that a particular girl is in a monogamous romantic relationship. She and her boyfriend aren’t only dating; they have sex every weekend.

If she’s a target of bullying, she’s a “whore.” Moreover, her boyfriend must be with her for the sole purpose of getting in her pants.

It’s only a matter of time until he gets tired of her and dumps her for something better. Therefore, everyone uses her lack of celibacy as an opportunity to persecute her.

On the other hand, what if she’s one of the bullies? Also, what if she’s not a target of bullying? She doesn’t necessarily have to be one of the popular crowd. All it takes is not to be a target of bullying.

Therefore, she can be just an average Jane who blends in.

As long as she’s any girl who isn’t a target of bullies, she’s only a girl in love. She and her boyfriend are only experimenting and exploring the sexual terrain. This is just a normal part of being a young couple in love.

Therefore, everyone cuts her some slack. They don’t say anything about it. Or, they congratulate her for reaching the milestone of finding love and losing her virginity.

2. Bullying and Double Standards:

Partying, Drinking and Doing Drugs.

A boy in the school goes out, drinks and does drugs on the weekends.

If he’s a target of bullying, people will label him a worthless drunk or druggie. Moreover, they won’t let him live it down.

However, if he’s any boy who isn’t a target of bullying, people only say that he’s a hell-raiser! He’s only doing what most teenage boys will try at some point during their adolescent years. Therefore, others dismiss it as his being one of those rowdy kids from high school.

3. Getting Pregnant.

Students and school staff discover that a certain girl at school is pregnant.

If she’s a bullied girl, they’ll only label her a cheap little slut. Moreover, they won’t be surprised she’s “knocked up.” People shun her like Hester Prynne in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Scarlet Letter.”

Moreover, everyone judges her harshly. They take on the attitudes that she and her baby will only live on welfare and leach from society. And they’ll do it while the non-bullied kids will move on to successful careers.

Others will make predictions. They’ll predict that they and everyone else will support this sorry excuse for a human being and her little spawn with their tax dollars.

But if she’s any girl who isn’t a target of bullying, she’s just a good girl who made a bad mistake. Therefore, everyone reaches out to her and extends compassion.

They may throw her a baby shower and celebrate the occasion. Do you see where I’m going with this?

Therefore, you must learn school, office, any kind of politics. Double-standards are firmly put in place to keep a select few down and oppressed.

Bullying and Double Standards:

In Conclusion

If you aren’t a target of bully, there’s margin for error.  So, others allow you to explore many worlds. You’re allowed to make mistakes and you’re allowed to be a human being.

However, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re not afforded any of it. You’re not allowed to be yourself. You’re not allowed to be human because in the minds of others, you aren’t human at all.

Therefore, in the minds of the student body, you aren’t even allowed to be- to exist.

But no matter how they judge you, do it anyway.

  • Allow yourself to make mistakes because that’s how you learn.
  • Be yourself because that’s how you weed out the people who aren’t supposed to be in your life and attract into your world the people who belong there.
  • Be human because being human is what exposes the people who are wrong for you and shows you the people who are right for you.

Don’t only exist, but live! Be alive! Live life to the fullest! Live up to your own standards.

Most importantly, know that happiness is a choice! And that you do have the power to choose.

This post is all about bullying and double standards so that you can recognize it, ignore it, and keep living your life the way you choose.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Inside the Mind of a Bully

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

4. Social Contagion Effect: Bullying and Social Contagion

silence

Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

8 Comments

‘Want to know the things school bullies try to hide? Here are 13 things that they’re ashamed of and possibly part of the reason they bully in the first place.

things school bullies try to hide

School bullies may come off like they’re invincible and others may think so too. However, they have things they keep secret and hope others never find out. And many of those secrets are sad. However, it doesn’t excuse their behavior.

You will learn the things school bullies try to hide so that you can be assured that they aren’t as cool or tough as they try to make you think.

Once you learn these truths, you will feel better about yourself and pity for your bullies. Moreover, you’ll no longer hate yourself nor them.

This post is all about the things school bullies try to hide so that victims can be assured that under that tough exterior, bullies are just as vulnerable as they are.

Things school bullies try to hide

Bullies keep so many secrets. They have to, to maintain the facade they hide behind.

In other words, bullies must continue to wear a veil of perfection, toughness, and coolness. They take extreme pains to keep that veil from falling off.

However, if you watch and listen, your bullies secrets will eventually seep through by either foolish mistakes they make, or through the gossip of others.

13 Things School Bullies Are Ashamed Of

1. One or both of their parents are drug dealers.

A few of your bullying classmates may came from homes that people buy drugs out of. Because of this, these bullies are either ashamed of what they were living in or they feel ignored at home and this is sad way to live.

Therefore, they bully you to cover that shame and get the attention at school that they aren’t getting at home.

2. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They are on welfare.

Many bullies come from families that have a tradition of living on welfare. Moreover, in many cases, this goes back a few generations.

Sadly, a few of these bullies may deliberately have babies to draw a welfare check. Therefore, these are the kids who probably don’t care who knows.

However, most school bullies are ashamed of it and may take extreme measures to hide it from the rest of the student body.

Don’t get me wrong, I never look down on anyone who draws assistance. Life happens. We lose our jobs or issues with our health arise.

Therefore, sometimes we need a little help keeping the bills paid. I get that. But when someone tries to be someone they’re not and act like they’re better than the rest, I have an issue with it.

Granted, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it private, because, really, it’s none of anyone’s business. However, when you put on a facade and treat someone so rotten that they don’t want to live anymore, then maybe you deserve to be exposed.

3. Their parents fight all the time.

Many of your classmates may deal with drama at home. They may lie awake at night, hearing Mom and Dad fighting like cats and dogs in the next room.

They may consider this to be the norm. Therefore, they would start altercations at school too. You are what you live.

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They are being abused/neglected by parents.

Several of your bullies may be getting their butts kicked at home. Therefore, they come to school to bully and physically attack you and a few others.

Why? Abused children feel powerless. And so, these bullies do it to overcompensate and feel some sense of power. If they have no control over their own lives, they’ll come to school and assert control over someone else’s.

5. Their mothers have a different partner over every night.

So many bullies come to school and called girls whores, sluts, and skanks. However, it may be that these are names they really want to call their own mothers. Many of my bully classmates lived in these types of circumstance.

 Why? Because, in most of these situations, the lovers in these mothers’ lives usually come before the needs of their children.

Moreover, being ignored and neglected can make a child angry after a while. Therefore, they come to school and bully you to get some of that anger out.

Either these mothers may be working in prostitution to pay the bills or they’re desperate and afraid to be alone. No judgement here, but it does happen.

Whatever the case may be, it’s harmful for the kids and may breed some resentment.

6. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

The Bullies have a parent who have an alcohol problem or drug addiction.

Such was the case with many of my school bullies years ago. Many of your bullies may be angry and bitter because they have parents who stay drunk and loaded. These parents usually put drugs and booze before their children.

 Therefore, it may force the family into poverty. Some of the parents may be “mean drunks” and lash out at their children.

Is it any wonder these bullies are so angry? This doesn’t justify their behavior. However, it should make you thankful if you live in a healthy home with loving and attentive parents.

Moreover, it should be a relief to you that your bullies are just as human as you and not the heroes they think they are.

7. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They have a parent who was supposedly a criminal.

One of my female bullies had a parent who was rumored to be a murderer. Although the suspected parent was a big wheel in the town and was never convicted, there was plenty of talk about it around town and everyone knew about it.

I believe there was a bit of shame and embarrassment there and she bullied to make herself feel better.

8. They’re living in abject poverty.

Many bullies may live in trailer parks, shacks, and in the projects. I can remember that some of my bullies didn’t have indoor plumbing and used outhouses for a bathroom- even in the winter.

Because they are ashamed of their living conditions, they’ll come to school and bully you to feel better about themselves.

Moreover, they may also bully you because they’re jealous that you might have life a little better than they do.

9. A parent has abandoned them.

Again, many bullies are full of anger and bitterness. Therefore, when they get to school, they’ll take it out on their vulnerable targets. It gives them a sense of power.

Also, because the parental abandonment throws many of these bullies into poverty, they’re also jealous of targets who have more than they do. Therefore, they bully them as punishment for being from families who are financially better off.

10. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They’re victims of sexual abuse by a family member or their mothers’ boyfriends.

These kids feel utterly powerless. So, to not feel so helpless, they’ll jockey for power at school by asserting dominance over their victims.

11. They’ve had multiple abortions.

Many female bullies, especially those who are popular, sleep around. As a result, many become pregnant, sometimes two or three times during school.

Moreover, if their parents are public figures with images to protect, they’ll force their daughters to have abortions to hide it.

Why? Because they fear their perfect little families will come under scrutiny. I remember one girl being forced into one in the sixth grade.

This is not to voice any political viewpoints here. The point is that bullies are far from perfect (but aren’t we all?). 

Yet, they’ll move Heaven and Earth to hide any blemishes and wear a veil of sheer perfection. Moreover, bullies will condemn others for doing the same things they themselves are doing.

Bullies are notorious hypocrites.

12. Things School Bullies Try to Hide:

They’ll go slumming.

Many bullies in the high school preppy crowd will sometimes go to the projects and sleep with some of the women who live there.

I can remember when the parents of two of my bullies found out that they were doing it, they sent them to a group home for the rest of the school year (ninth or tenth grade).

Again, bullies aren’t the shiny, perfect people they’d like you to think they are.

13. One of the teachers who bullied me was sleeping around

Teachers who bully certain students are known to have sordid affairs with some of the athletes on the school sports team.

Years ago, it was common knowledge around my town that my bully teacher was having these types of liaisons. However, because she had connections in town and her father was a businessman, she kept her job.

Moreover, everything was hush-hush around certain people who were allies of hers.

However, when people were at a safe distance and out of earshot of anyone who might have gone back and informed her of who the talkers were, they would trumpet the juicy info loud and proud.

In Conclusion

People can live their lives the way they want. No one is perfect and we all have hang-ups.

As long as it doesn’t affect your life, more power to them. But when they look down on others they deem unworthy of dignity and accuse them of committing the same sins as they do, it’s a clear indicator of gross hypocrisy.

The point is that most bullies have dirty little secrets they don’t want to get out. Always! Why do you think they target you with their vitriol?

It’s all designed to keep the negative spotlight off them and place it on you.

In other words, it’s a way to keep their own closet skeletons from seeing the light of day. Because if everyone is too busy looking at you, they pay less attention to their’ sins, snafus, and faux pas.

This is something you must keep in the back of your mind.

This post was all about things school bullies try to hide and the hypocrisy and double-standards that go along with bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

4. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

5. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies