‘Want to know all about the social chameleon and why bullies and victims become them? Here’s a description of each group and the different reasons they try to blend socially.
It’s normal to adapt to the people around us. Everyone does this to a degree. However, to completely mask who you are is unhealthy but in some situations, understandable.
Most people who mask their true personalities do it to avoid being rejected, bullied, or shunned. Victims of bullying do it for survival. Bullies, on the other hand, do it for deceptive purposes. They do it to hide evil intentions and behavior.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the social chameleon and the situations that make cause you to become one.
Once you learn all about these details. You will be able to understand yourself better if you get targeted by bullies. Moreover, this post will prompt you to give yourself compassion, but also to slowly remove the mask so that you can let your true self shine.
This post is all about the social chameleon and the reasons why bullies and victims mask their true personalities.
Social Chameleon
Both bullies and victims put up facades. However, they each do it for totally different reasons.
Bullies Mask Themselves to Control Others.
A bully must work like a dog to keep up the facades. These facades help bullies to hide their evil behavior, avoid accountability, and ultimately maintain control over their targets and victims.
On the other hand, targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in to them for the moment to stay safe. However, they eventually find ways to rebel and break free.
Moreover, they do it by either fighting, fawning, resorting to trickery or fleeing. No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.
It’s only natural that you push against someone who abuses you and makes you out to be someone you’re not. As bullies must fight harder and harder to keep control of you, you fight harder to break their control.
As this goes on, bullies must tighten their grip. Moreover, the weight of their own lies and manipulations only grows heavier on their shoulders. Therefore, bullies must constantly search for newer and better ways to conceal their lies.
They must also look for ways to silence and subdue you. And they need to think up new lies and excuses for their bullying behavior so others won’t figure them out and begin supporting you.
Social Chameleon:
Bullies only get by on appearances.
The acts they put on are only illusions. Therefore, the bully’s entire facade is a mirage. Without it, they have no leg to stand on.
As a result, the constant threat of exposure weighs heavily on them. The lives of bullies are filled with cracks in their personalities and behavior. These cracks are like smoldering hot spots, after the townspeople have extinguished a house fire.
They threaten to reignite and blaze again. Therefore, these towns people frantically run around, pouring buckets of water on these hot spots to make sure they don’t blaze up again.
It’s the same with bullies and their evil personalities and behavior. They must consistently cover themselves to keep their wrongdoings secret. Moreover, they must keep up the illusion of gleaming white perfection.
Bullies need to impress others.
Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best. If they can’t be the best, then they’ll, at least, give that impression. Putting on an act and controlling you isn’t an easy task.
Therefore, your bullies must continuously struggle to do it..
Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must get others to agree. How else can they avoid accountability if they don’t have others backing them?
Moreover, how can bullies feel good about themselves when they’re living a make-believe world of lies, fabrications, and confabulations? Again, they need other people to approve.
And when a bully forces others to agree with their behavior against a victim, their fear of exposure is even more obvious.
Social Chameleon:
Most people don’t recognize it when bullies are deceiving them.
Sadly, most people can’t or refuse to recognize it. Why? Because they’re too scared. Understand that fear blocks others’ ability to think clearly.
In that, it blinds them to evidence, contexts, and contradictions they’d otherwise see. When a person encounters a bully, he must keep his head straight.
Only then will they realize that the bully is the fearful one. That is not easy to do. When faced with a threat, it’s hard to think because your logical mind shuts down.
Therefore, the primal brain takes center stage.
Again, bullies work the hardest to cover themselves. They often grow angry, resentful, and bitter because of it.
Why? Because they don’t understand why they have to expend so much effort.
Bullies are always banging their heads against the brick wall of life. And it’s because they’re against healthy exchanges of information and ideas.
Bullies also reject any new ideas and information. Moreover, they resist responsibility and teamwork. Bullies don’t respect anyone unless it benefits them.
You can’t help but to pity them. Can you imagine the difficult lives these people live? You can’t hate those who live such pitiful existences.
Many other targets may get offended at me for choosing to pity bullies. However, look at it this way. Wouldn’t you rather be hated than pitied? I know I would. At least there’s dignity in being hated.
So, if you’re a target of bullying, know that you’re much better off than your bullies are. It may not seem like it. But you are. Take comfort in it.
Social Chameleon:
Victims mask themselves for survival.
Here’s why you may become a social chameleon if you suffer bullying. It’s to keep others from further bullying and abusing you.
You may not be good at it at first. But you fake it until you make it.
When people bully you, you learn very quickly to either blend in with those around you or get eaten alive. You become highly self-aware and good at reading the emotions and nonverbal cues of others.
Therefore, you may learn to self-monitor and rehearse everything you do and say.
Understand that your mind will equip itself with scripts for every situation and conversation. You’ll pay close attention to body language and mimic others’ behavior.
Also, you’ll learn to pick up on other people’s moods and adapt yourself to any situation.
And it usually proves to be a useful skill.
As you get older, you get better and better at acting. In that, you also grow better at getting people to like you. You become expert at impressing people and ingratiating yourself into all kinds of groups.
In other words, you learn to quickly switch gears and change with your environment. You can be the life of the party or you can be quiet and reserved.
You can be introverted, extroverted, funny, charismatic, relaxed, wild, emotional, or stoic. Therefore, when you learn to detect the moods of others, you adapt yourself to match those moods.
Becoming a social chameleon is a Common Defense Against Bullying.
Understand that victims of bullying do this out of survival instinct. Even survivors who haven’t healed do it.
We become masters of deception. We mask to cool the anger of others in social situations gone wrong. Also, we mask to earn respect.
Everyone masks to a certain degree. Depending on the situation or people around us, we present different versions of ourselves. Victims of bullying, on the other hand, mask on steroids!
You become an expert at blending in and being accepted. In fact, you polish your self-presentations.
In fact, it becomes so ingrained and natural to you, after so long, that you don’t even know you’re doing it. Many targets of bullying are bullied in school. However, they eventually learn to get along with anyone and are exceptionally well-liked as adults.
I have done this myself.
This is how we ensure that no one ever bullies us again. Moreover, this is how we get people to like us. We know too well what not to do or say.
The key to being successful at this is to not realize you’re doing it! Any conscious effort, on the other hand, comes off as contrived.
And once you no longer have to think about it, it becomes natural. Therefore, it’s no longer fake.
Practice Makes Perfect.
When you get older, you’ve practiced this for so long that you’ve become intuitively attuned to other’s responses to you. Therefore, you can effortlessly adapt your behavior when you sense that you aren’t making the right impression.
You keep a few good saves in your back pocket just in case a social situation goes awry. Moreover, you do this so well that you instinctively know what’s expected before you make a social move.
You become highly successful at making good impressions in social encounters with total strangers and in business. Your personality becomes so fluid and unpredictable that you emit an air of mystery that intrigues others.
This only adds to your attractiveness. However, this comes at a high cost!
For me, being a social chameleon grew exhausting and I chose to dial it down a few notches. I’ve found that it is much more relaxing to be myself and not to give a crap what others think.
Being a Social Chameleon Only Exhausts You.
Masking is exhausting. Also, the knowing that you weren’t true to your core beliefs and convictions has a heavy price. It leaves you feeling as if you sold your soul to the devil!
Moreover, it leaves an emptiness inside you that you can’t fill unless you start being your authentic self.
Therefore, it’s much better to be yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. You may make a few enemies but it’s much better than being a fraud.
Moreover, I’d much rather have a few people who don’t like me than to give up my identity and my authenticity!
Therefore, be yourself! Be comfortable in your own skin! Embrace all your imperfections, because we all have them. Give yourself permission to say no and to voice an opinion some may not like. Because to be yourself is freedom!
This post was all about the social chameleon, why bullies and victims alike become them, and the emotional costs of being one.
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