Neediness is not healthy for anyone. Victims of bullying are most susceptible to this condition because bullies have defamed them and turned everyone against them. As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you the 5 reasons being needy repels people and what you can do to overcome it.
Being to needful isn’t only unhealthy, it’s not a good look on anyone. It’s unattractive and off-putting. Although it isn’t necessarily their fault, victims of bullying often have no friends. Therefore, they can become so desperate for friendship that they exhibit needy, if not self-depreciating behavior.
In this post, you will learn the reasons why neediness runs people off. Also, you will learn ways to overcome it if you’re one of these people whose social life is destroyed by bullies and their defamation.
Once you learn about all the why’s and hows of needy behavior, you will be better able to pinpoint the reasons you do it and how you can change your actions to convey a more confident you.
This post is all about the symptoms of and reasons for neediness that every target of bullying needs to know about so that they can make the changes needed to become stronger and more confident in the face of bullying and lack of friends.
Neediness
Before we get into the reasons and remedies for this bully-induced condition, lets first explain why bullying targets become needy. Also, we’ll discuss why this isn’t your fault if you’re one of those people.
I repeat! It’s not your fault!
Neediness comes from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Refraining from acting needy can be hard to do, especially if you’re a target of bullying.
The feelings of loneliness and desperation are real. In fact, they’re so real that they can have a death-grip on you after so long.
Remember that humans are hardwired for social connections and relationships. Therefore, it’s not easy to fight the urge to cling to unhealthy relationships and friendships. Especially when most people treat you like an outcast.
However, here’s something people in that situation don’t think about.
Acting clingy is off-putting to others. To be blunt, it’s downright gross! It’s the equivalent of an overpowering stench one must hold their nose and run from to keep from getting sick.
Additionally, active clingy only invites more bullying, abuse, and usery. Moreover, it opens the door for more ridicule.
People also look at you with disgust and contempt. Yes, a few people may feel sorry for you, but do you really want to be pitied?
Another thing this does is give your bullies satisfaction and free entertainment. The last thing you want is to look desperate in front of them and humiliate yourself.
You are not to blame. So, Don’t beat yourself up if you presently struggle with these feelings and behavior.
Again. I understand that feeling of not having any friends. Moreover, I can relate to the longing for friends and human connections. The longing for friendship and, just to be heard and noticed is a normal desire that all humans have.
It’s completely normal to have that deep ache in your soul when people ostracize you. I was there once upon a time. The feeling of the intense, deranged hatred of my classmates and resulting soul-deep pain were overwhelming.
However, I learned the heard way that, if nothing else, you still have your pride and your dignity. You choose to either keep those treasures or give them away.
But here’s the good news! if you give them away, you can always take them back anytime.
5 Reasons Neediness is unhealthy
1. You mistake Tolerance for Acceptance.
Because people have shunned and rejected you for so long, you become ravenously hungry for any morsel of approval. Moreover, you’ll lap up anything that even looks like potential friendship.
However, what may look like acceptance could turn out to be only tolerance.
Anytime you become needy, some people might include them in their groups. But! It won’t be because they like you nor want to be around you.
They’ll only pretend to like you because they feel sorry for you. The last thing you should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind wants to settle for that?
But wait! It gets worse!
After a while, the pity of your so-called friends will wear thin.
2. you put your heart at risk of being broken. Also, you place your self-esteem at risk of being crushed once again.
The group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it.
In the minds of the bullies and others, they’re guilty by association. Therefore, instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!
As mentioned earlier, your so-called friend group has to pretend to enjoy having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.
However, their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. In other words, it’ll leak out so subtly that you may not even know it’s happening.
And if you make the slightest mistake or your friends perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open. Then, their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent.
Afterwards, they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.
3. When you act out of neediness, You likely suffer betrayal.
Your so-called friends will never have your back. In other words, they’ll disappear at the first sign of trouble.
When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person. Therefore, they won’t care whether you get hurt.
Realize that your friends won’t be the least bit concerned for your well-being.
4. You only draw in people who are predators.
Users and abusers are drawn to neediness like vultures to a carcass. In other words, they seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them.
Consequently, once they’ve gotten all they want out of the person, they discard them like a dirty piece of toilet paper. You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!
Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to have friends like those?
5. You only humiliate yourself.
When you, in essence, beg for friends, relationships, affection, attention or admiration, others take notice and your value drops like a meteor!
Moreover, you make a complete fool of yourself by chasing after people who aren’t worth spitting on. When you don’t respect yourself enough to only select those who see your worth, you only end up humiliating and degrading yourself.
Stop that right now! Because you’re better than that!
So, How do you overcome neediness?
1. take steps to repair your self-esteem and boost your confidence.
Repairing your self-esteem is of the most importance!
This means keeping company with and spending your time with uplifting family members who love you and want best for you. Also, put yourself out there and meet new people outside the toxic environment in which people bully you.
Don’t be afraid to smile and talk to people. Although this may be scary at first, you must face your fear head-on. Do it anyway, even if you must do it scared!
Remember that total strangers are the best opportunities for victims of bullying because they’re potential friends. However, don’t act desperate or clingy. Let things flow naturally and things will work out.
2. stop caring what people think.
When you obsess over the thoughts and opinions of others, you make yourself a slave to their approval. Moreover, your own opinions automatically take a back seat.
Understand that you don’t need anyone’s approval, period.
Therefore, stand in your power and begin valuing your own thoughts and opinions. In other words, stop wondering if they will like you and start wondering if you’ll like them.
3. Get some standards.
Needy behavior means having a lack of standards. Therefore, set standards for yourself. This means being choosy in everything, including, friends, dates, and people you have around you.
Don’t settle for anything (or anyone) less than what you want and what you deserve!
4. Overcoming Neediness means removing toxic people and fake friends from your life.
How you take your power back is to cut these life-leeches out off your life and make them irrelevant. Moreover, you do it by speaking your truth and using the abuse they inflicted on you to help others.
Some people just aren’t worth your time and energy. So, be willing to walk away from those who aren’t really for you. This includes, fake friends, users, abusers… anyone who makes you feel bad or who betrays your truth.
Stop wasting your time with people of low loyalty and integrity. Believe that you deserve better and choose your friends wisely!
5. Focus on your goals and pursue your interests.
If you’re too busy focusing on your goals, you won’t have time to worry about how people think of you. Therefore, work toward achieving your goals and dreams.
Instead of chasing after people who haven’t earned your respect, chase after your interests!
6. be willing to be alone for a while.
Real courage and real self-worth sometimes require that you be alone for a while. Moreover, realize that solitude is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it’s very healthy and one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Time alone allows you to rest and recharge and gives you time to reflect and get to know yourself. Also, it gives you time to pursue your own interests and a chance to prioritize yourself. So, take advantage of it.
Lastly, let me assure you that you won’t always be by yourself. Be patient and eventually, the right people will find you. It may not happen quickly, but it will happen. I guarantee it.
It happened for me and it will happen for you too!
7. knowing your worth is also one of the keys to overcoming neediness.
In other words, know what you deserve and go after it. Be advised that going after something sometimes means being willing to wait for it!
Stop settling for people and situations that devalue you as a person.
8. believe in yourself.
In other words, believe that you deserve better people in your life. Also believe that they will come along eventually because you are a great person to know.
Self-belief is one of the most important lessons you can ever learn. Therefore, believe in yourself even if you must make positive affirmations to get there.
When you overcome neediness, you turn your pain into power and transform your bullies’ weaknesses into your strength!
Moreover, your bullies’ ignorance becomes your wisdom and you turn their hatred for you into love for others, especially those who are bullied. This is how you raise self-esteem and go from victim to victor.
This post was all about Neediness, the reasons it’s unhealthy, and how you overcome it so that you can take back your power and your dignity.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Needy Behavior: 5 Reasons it Derails Your Social Life
2. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect
3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?
4. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference