Category: bystanders

When Bystanders Become Bullies: 11 Behaviors of Bully-Supporters

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‘Want to know all the behaviors you’ll see when bystanders become bullies? Here’s how bystanders will behave when they agree with and support the person who is bullying you.

when bystanders become bullies

Sadly, in most cases of bullying, bystanders only make it worse. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what happens when bystanders become bullies and all the behaviors of those who support bullying.

Once you learn all about these signs, you will be able to take the best course of action to protect yourself and decide whether it’s better to leave the environment altogether.

This post is all about what happens when bystanders become bullies, so that you can take steps to ensure your safety.

When Bystanders become Bullies

Any time bystanders join your bullies in tormenting you, it can be especially devastating because you have no one to help you. Moreover, it can escalate to group-bullying, and group behavior can get dangerous very quickly.

So, what are all the signs that bystanders support bullying?

1. Laughing and Giggling

When you’re being bullied in front of an audience, you hear laughing and giggling in the background; the bystanders think it’s funny.

However, it isn’t so funny to you. And they wouldn’t think so either, if they were the ones being bullied in public.

When bystanders laugh and giggle, it means they’re getting their kicks at your expense.

2. Ignoring it and Doing Nothing.

When bystanders ignore bullying and do nothing, they become just as bad as the bullies. There are many reasons bystanders don’t do anything about bullying. Maybe they’re scared of becoming the next target.

It could be that they don’t like you and that they think you deserve to be bullied. Also, the bullies could be their proxies. In other words, your bullies are doing what they wish they had the balls to do.

3. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Whispering and Gossiping About The Bullying Incidents.

If the bystanders can’t stand you, they’ll love it when your bullies attack you. And they’ll talk about it too. Therefore, they will whisper and gossip about the bullying incident to everyone who will listen.

They will say things like, “Katie got her ass kicked in the bathroom yesterday! I mean, she got her shit rocked!”

Here are other statements bystanders who hate you might make after bullies publicly attack you.

“Charles finally got what was coming to him this morning! And it was glorious!”

“You should have seen it! Samantha and Janessa jumped Pam on Tuesday in the hall! They knocked her down, then they started kicking her while she was down on the floor!”

“I don’t feel sorry for the bitch! She got what she deserved, and I hope she gets more of it!”

“April said she’s going to kick Carla’s ass, and I hope I’m around to see it go down!”

Several bystanders may come to you and tell you that your bully is gunning for you. Here’s what they may say to you.

“You’ve got several people who are looking for you, and when they find you, they’re going to kick your butt.”

“You’d better hope Sheila doesn’t run into you because she’s got a bone to pick with you.”

Make no mistake! When bystanders come and tell you these things, they’re not doing it out of concern. They’re doing it to intimidate you and instill in you a sense of dread.

4. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Staring and Pointing.

When your bullies are in your face and there are people around to see it, those people may point and stare because they’re getting entertainment from seeing your bullies attack you.

And they won’t stop gawking until the fight is over. Then they will run and tell everyone how your bullies punked you out. Some might even embellish on the story to make it bigger and to make you look weaker.

But realize that they’re doing it because they want a story to tell all their friends.

5. Playing the Messenger between the Bully and Victim.

Many bystanders might run to you and bait you into saying something bad about your bullies. If you take the bait, they will then report back to your bullies with everything you told them. Also, they may embellish and add to what you said to make it worse.

They may then come back to you with how your bullies responded to get you to divulge more. And they will do this several times over.

If nothing else, know this! The reason these people play messenger is that they are itching to see a fight. Therefore, they try to stir it up. So, see their behavior for what it is.

They’re trying to get a fight started so they can watch, then go brag about it later. You should have nothing to do with these people.

The next time someone comes to you and tries to trick you into saying something about your bullies, ask them, “What’s it to you?” Then, tell them to get lost.

6. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Hopping on the Bandwagon and joining in.

When your bullies get in your face, many bystanders will join them in tormenting you. When the bullies accuse you of something, the bystanders might tell the bully that they saw you do it or heard you say it.

Or they may follow the bullies’ lead when they call you names and insult you. They may call you ugly names too.

Again, these bystanders are no better than you bullies are. In fact, they’re worse. Why? Because they don’t have the guts to confront you unless your bullies do it first. All they are is a bunch of flying monkeys.

And you know what usually happens to flying monkeys. Right? Once they do what the bullies want them to do, the bullies have no use for them anymore. Then, the bullies discard them like yesterday’s garbage.

7. Keeping the Rumor Mill Going about the Target Victim.

If your bullies have started a smear campaign against you, they start a rumor about you to ruin your reputation. The bystanders will then pick it up and keep it going.

And they may change the story around during the process and make it bigger. Therefore, you must see these people for who they are. They’re a bunch of followers and wannabes.

8. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Liking or Agreeing with Mean Social Media Posts.

If you’re being cyber-bullied, bystanders will often like any mean social media posts. If your bullies make vicious comments about you, they may like those too.

Anytime someone hits the like button on a mean post, it only means they agree with your bullies. Therefore, if these people happen to be on your friend or followers list, you must delete and block them immediately.

Because they’re not on your list to be your friend. They’re there to spy on you.

9. Inciting More Bullying Between the Bully and THE Target Victim.

Sadly, many bystanders get their kicks out of seeing bullies bully you. Therefore, they will egg it on to keep it going. When bystanders tried to keep the fires burning, you often hear the people around you cheer as your bully is telling you off or beating the crap out of you.

For instance, when your bully gets in your face, you might hear people in the background shouting and jeering. They may say things like, “Hit her! Just hit her!” Or you might hear them say, “Get him, Johnny!” or “Yeah! Set her ass straight!”

Understand where this behavior comes from. They like seeing you get pummeled by the bullies. Moreover, these bystanders are too chicken to do it themselves. Your bullies serve as proxies to them.

Therefore, you must stand up to bullies and show them and their supporters that you won’t take their abuse lying down.

10. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Getting pissed off at you for defending yourself.

Here’s an example. Your bullies approach you in the parking lot and try to provoke you. In fact, they’ve been giving you hell for a long time now, and you’re sick of it.

When one of your bullies hits you first, that’s the last straw. You immediately sock him in the nose, then commence to beating the mess out of him in front of everyone.

All of a sudden, everyone is outraged, not at the bully who started it, but at you for defending yourself. But where was their outrage when they were starting shit with you?

Again, see these bystanders for who they are – a bunch of agitators! And tell them all to take a long walk off a short pier!

11. Retaliating against you for defending yourself.

For instance, you may beat the crap out of one bully, then the bystanders may set you up to be attacked by a bigger bully. They may lie to the bigger bully, telling them that you are trying to get with his girl. Or they may tell them that you said something bad about him.

Whatever they do, they do it because they hate you for sweeping the floor with their hero – the bully they looked up to. Therefore, they’re going to pay you back by getting a bigger bully to attack you. Why? To increase the odds that you might get your butt kicked.

Again, have nothing to do with these bystanders because they’re a bunch of weak little cowards who can’t fight their own battles. So, they must get someone else to do their violence for them.

When Bystanders Become Bullies:

In Conclusion

Sadly, most bystanders are cowards. Chances are that they will not help you if you’re a target of bullying. They will only blame you because they hate you as much as your bullies do. But they don’t have the guts to attack you themselves.

The only way they can attack you is to do it subtly or join in with your bullies. So, see these people for who they are – a bunch of pathetic losers who are scared that they might be next. As long as you look at them this way, you keep your confidence up.

This post was all about the signs you see when bystanders become bullies, so that you will know when it’s time to change schools or begin looking for employment elsewhere.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

2. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

3. Examples of Subtle Bullying: 6 Powerful Ways to Read Between the Lines

4. Guilt by Association Fallacy: How It Brings About Bullying

bystanders to bullying in school

Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

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‘Want to know what bystanders to bullying do when they see you getting bullied? Here are all the details you need to know about.

bystanders to bullying

Bystanders can be the difference of whether the bullying lessens or worsens. Sadly, most bystanders either refuse to help you if you suffer bullying, or they join in.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bystanders to bullying and why they side with bullies.

Once you learn all about this information, you will not only be able to call out bystanders who band with bullies, you will be better equipped with the knowledge to defend yourself.

This post is all about bystanders to bullying and why most choose to either watch from the sidelines or join in the torment.

Bystanders to bullying

There are many reasons witness to bullying may join the bullies in tormenting you. Here are the most common reasons they do this.

1. Group-think

Excessive group-think is the accepted norm nowadays. Moreover, it’s like that everywhere -in school, at work, on the street, everywhere!

A moderate amount of it is only human nature. Why? Because it’s how we conform to rules and laws. Also, it provides stability for a community.

However, excessive group-think is unhealthy, even dangerous! It’s how cults, dictatorships, and totalitarian states get started.

An example of group-think is, “if everyone else is doing it, I want to do it too.” It’s herd mentality at play.

Therefore, when there’s a culture of bullying in a school or in a workplace, people who would not typically bully, will.  And they’ll do it simply because everyone is doing it. So, they think they should get in on it too.

It’s definitely like that in schools and workplaces and has been for decades. Do you wonder why people you thought were friends suddenly and without warning turn on you?

It’s because they are followers. They want to follow the crowd. Therefore, they’ll join in on bullying you to jump on the bandwagon.

These bystanders use you to get in with the cool kids. They want to feel like one of the big guys.

I can remember in high school, most of the other kids and a few teachers shared this toxic group behavior. Again, this happens everywhere.

2. Bystanders to Bullying:

Social Contagion

Why Not? Everybody Else is Bullying Her!

Peer pressure is the best motivator. I look back now and realize that most of my classmates were only drones to the clique. In other words, they were one big herd of sheep.

They were slaves to the prospect of getting in good with “one of the cool kids” or  “the ‘Good Ole Boy” network.

‘You see? Bullies are nothing but two-faced hypocrites. They talk out both sides of their mouths, holding you to a double standard.

In other words, they pretend to be something they aren’t and never cab be. Authenticity, being yourself, and free thought and expression are all punishable offenses to bullies. Why?

Because they make everything about appearances. Moreover, bystanders defend people based on whose butt they want to kiss. Remember that most bystanders want move up the social ladder.

Therefore, they’ll mostly side with bullies because, sadly, bullies have the power to give them higher social status. This is how bystanders become secondary bullies.

Bullies, themselves, are also suck-ups. Many pathetically suck up to authority members they secretly can’t stand because they think it’ll score brownie points.  And often, it does.

Also, secondary bullies take plenty of degradation from the bullies at the top to fit in and look popular. Again, secondary bullies are usually bystanders who watch your bullies bully you and join in.

And hose who don’t join in will likely refuse to help you.

3. To Get in with the Big Shots

For example, back when I was in school, I knew many bystanders who become secondary bullies, hoping it would win him higher status. He was the son of one of the teachers at school.

Very few of the top bullies liked this wuss. In fact, hardly anyone liked him, yet he would lick the right boots hungrily to get the so-called privilege of hanging with them.

It didn’t matter to him if they were only tolerating him. It was so pathetic I couldn’t hate the boy. All I could do was pity him.

On other occasions, I would see one of the popular girls drop a textbook, a pencil, anything. I would then watch the kids around her scramble, some taking a nosedive to the floor to pick it up for her and laugh as I walked by.

Whoever puts on the most convincing front is usually rewarded with high social status. Moreover, not only the other classmates but many teachers and school staff reward them.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Ways Bystanders suck up to Bullies

Many use fake sympathy, bogus compliments and, incessant butt-kissing. And it’s not because they like and respect these higher-ups. No.

The reason bystanders kiss their asses is to get something from them.

They also use false flattery and toxic conformity. And most of the time, it works. It makes the bullies puffed up and overconfident. Also, it yields immense social benefits for all the wannabes.

Therefore, they maintain the status quo of ritualistic bullying of those they deem socially unfit.

Most bullies have narcissism. Also, they struggle with low self-esteem. Therefore, they’re like tires with slow leaks. Their followers must continuously air them up with fake compliments and false admiration to keep them from going flat.

4. To Boot-Lick for Approval

Thirsty for attention and praise, the bullies at the top surround themselves with weak wannabes. They need boot-lickers and yes-people to feed their hungry egos and tell them what they want to hear.

Sadly, most bystanders are more than happy to do it if it has a chance of rewarding them with high popularity and favors.

The high-status bullies expect everyone to think like them, dress like them and be like them. Moreover, they expect all the underlings to agree with them.

And they follow obediently, in lock-step. On the other hand, they target those who do their own thing and like being themselves.

5. Bystanders to Bullying:

Because Everyone Else is Doing it.

We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves.

We put our best foot forward to impress others. Moreover, we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it.

Most people give the illusion that they’re a hot item. Why? Because they instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to. Moreover, they’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; people tend to do what they think everyone else is doing. In other words, they strive to follow the pack or join the bandwagon. They want to get in on the next big thing.

Whether it’s a new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others, most people want to be a part of it.

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena.

Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. This crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool.

In fact, it might be the opposite but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everyone else thinks they are. They want to be seen with them. Therefore, so do you.

Again, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

Consequently, if everyone else is bullying you, total strangers who have never met you will try it too. Even your so-called friends will also try to bully you.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Group Behavior

Many bystanders join in because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd! Therefore, if bullying you is the happening thing, other people will want to join in.

However, know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you. And it doesn’t mean that you somehow deserve the mistreatment.

What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.

In group settings, bullying you becomes a ritual with them. In other words, it’s the in-thing to do at your school or your place of employment.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare. And the better you prepare, the better you can defend yourself.

Therefore, continue to stand strong even if you must stand alone. Defend yourself against these wackos, no matter what.

They may not change their behavior. However, you’ll feel better just knowing you saw these creeps for who they are and stood up to them.

This post is all about why bystanders to bullying join your bullies and how you should see them for the kind of people they are.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims