Category: bullying

Never Conform to a Bully’s Standards

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Understand that a bully’s standards are unachievable. No matter what you do, who you are, where you’re from, or what you have; bullies will always- always move the goalposts, change the rules, and find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.

Therefore, you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.

The way you dress, your interests, etc.

Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress. It’s not about your hair, makeup, your attire, hobbies, favorite music, your family, or anything they make fun of. No!

Its about power and control.

It’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself and taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.

Your personality.

We all have quirks. Never change your personality. Continue to be yourself. Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow. Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking. So, understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval.

And you know what? You don’t need their approval.

Just continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.

Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you, so, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations. They don’t know you the way you do and you’re a separate person from them. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Pay Close Attention to Others’ Energy

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I’ll start with a personal story of experience. During the six years I spent on the receiving end of bullying, I would pick up on the energies of each person in school. Even a few teachers. They energy of most of my classmates and a few teachers was bad. However, being a teenager, I knew squat about psychic energy and vibrations.

Back then, no one ever talked about those things and there weren’t many books written on the subject. Not like there are today. You only heard and read about that gut feeling, or the sixth sense, which is, as most of us know, triggered by the energy or vibrations the people around us put out.

When I would pick up on the yucky energy my classmates exuded, I would mistake my gut feeling for being paranoid. That little voice inside my head would admonish me, telling me, “Aw, C’mon! You don’t know that person. At least give them a chance.”

Therefore, I would give into that voice. I would give the person or people a chance and sadly, I ended up paying dearly for it.

Never Doubt Your Instinct!

Self-doubt is a tricky animal. It convinces you to go against your God-given instincts. It compels you to ignore your innate gut feeling. Self-doubt is what talks you into ignoring the bad energy you feel when you’re around unsavory people. Consequently, you open the door and let into your life people who are evil and nefarious.

If you ignore these things long enough, you eventually become blind to the terrible vibes and energy bad people exude. ‘You see, the ability to pick up on vibrations and energy is like your muscles. It must be exercised to become stronger. In other words, if you don’t use it, you lose it!

Your God-given gut instincts are the last things that you want to atrophy. In this crazy, mixed-up world, you cannot afford for these things to weaken.

Therefore, you must trust your gut. Especially if you are a target of bullying. Never allow others to convince you that you’re “being paranoid.” Never listen when they tell you that you’re crazy for following your intuition.

If ever you pick up bad energy from the people around you, you must get away from those people, if possible. And don’t walk. Run!

Minding your Own Energy Output

Just the same, you should mind your own energy. Bullies are experts at picking up on other’s energy and they trust their instincts. In fact, they never even question them. Why do you think bullies are able to weed through large crowds and pick out potential targets with such accuracy?

For example, if you’re a self-conscious and nervous person with low self-esteem, you will put out those kinds of vibrations. Therefore, bullies will pick up on it and, make no mistake, they’ll milk it for all it’s worth! If nothing else, understand this- energy never lies! Vibrations never lie! You may be able to talk a good game and be a fine actor. But your energy will give you away every time!

That’s why it’s so important that you exude confident energy. This is not to say that you still won’t become a target of bullies. However, you will greatly lesson your chances of it. Know that we have more control over our energy than we realize.

So, how do we control our energy?

We control our emotions- our overall mood. But! How do we control our emotions and mood? Here are several ways:

    1. Listen to positive music- this means opting for upbeat dance music instead of emo rock. We should also listen to songs about dancing or about celebrating and having a good time. Never listen to songs about negative things, such as those about being cheated on by a lover, violence, or songs that bash women. Also, don’t listen to those about suicide or murder. Remember. You want to listen to songs that uplift your mood, not those that bring you down.
    2. Positive affirmations- remind yourself, every day, of your strengths and good qualities only. And do it loudly. Make positive “I am” statements.
    3. Watch a good comedy (no dark comedies). Watch one that is fun. Do this to make yourself laugh because laughter always drives away a crappy mood.
    4. Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up. That means staying away from bullies and abusers, people who complain, put you down, or bring you drama. Stay away from anyone who puts you in a foul mood.
    5. Exercise! It releases endorphins and makes you feel accomplished.

Focus on anything positive. It won’t be easy and may even feel unnatural at first. But keep it up and it will get easier with time. It will also begin to feel like second nature once you’ve practiced it long enough.

In closing, remember that energy never lies. Not only must we pay attention to the energy of the people around us and trust our instincts, but we must also make sure that we ourselves are putting out positive and confident energy.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Hate Constructive Criticism

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Bullies don’t take constructive criticism very well. They only react to it as if it is a personal attack. Remember that bullies are highly egocentric. They must always be right about everything or, more appropriately, look as if they’re right about everything. This is how bullies hide beneath a veneer of total perfection.

They do this for several reasons:

1.It makes them look better than they really are.

2. Bullies use the veneer of perfection as protection from accountability and shield them from reproach.

3. They also use it to draw others to them and fool them.

4. It can be used as a weapon against their targets.

5. It gives them status and social capital.

6. It gives them the attention and admiration they seek.

Bullies will also use the guise of constructive criticism to disparage others they deem inferior and unworthy. They may tell the target that they’re only giving him/her this criticism to help them when, in fact, they’re doing it to show them they’re smarter or imply that the target is stupid.

A bully’s hypocrisy knows no bounds.

So, if you find yourself being unfairly criticized by a bully, it’s important that you tell them in no uncertain terms to keep their noses out of your business.

And if they insist on keeping it up, hit them with their own book of standards. You can always say something similar to:

“That sounds real good coming from someone who doesn’t practice what they preach. Now, get out of here and go on about your business.”

This is one comeback you can use. Nothing fancy- you don’t have to get cute or witty with it. Just say what you mean and mean what you say, and say it in as few words as possible before turning your back and walking away.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

A Remedy for Self-consciousness

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Self-consciousness can influence the trajectory of your life. It causes us to forgo taking risks that lead to opportunity and great outcomes. Why? Because, we to place too much focus on how others perceive us and what they think.

Therefore, we become too fearful of making decisions for ourselves. Therefore, we don’t follow own paths and do what fulfills us.

“What will others think of me?”

“How will they treat me if I decide to do this?”

“What will my friends say?”

You’re constantly on alert, allowing these questions to replay in your subconscious, over and over again. However, what if I told you that these friends and “others” are just as self-conscious as you? And what if your bullies bully and ridicule you because they are scared of what others will think of them if they don’t bully you?

Here’s what my mother told me years ago. 

“Most people worry too much about how they appear in front of others to care about how you appear. Also, any time someone points a finger and judges you, they do so from a place of their own insecurity.  Most do it out of self-consciousness and it should be of no consequence to you.”

As usual, she was right!

In other words, they’re too busy monitoring themselves to monitor you. And if they do watch you and wait for you to screw up, it’s for the chance of taking the spotlight off their own imperfections. Put another way, they’re so worried about how they appear to others that they’re more than willing to point out your flaws in order to conceal theirs. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book- keep the spotlight off your own screw ups by highlighting someone else’s.

At the root of bullying is self.  Self-servitude, self-validation, self-centeredness. But most of all, Self-consciousness.

If this isn’t a real confidence booster, nothing is!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullied Boys and Bullied Girls

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I’m female and have discussed bullying mainly from a female perspective. However, I would like to help you distinguish between the plights of bullied girls and bullied boys. ‘Wishing everyone peace, health, love, and happiness!

In the female target case, after her peers have bullied her for so long, she feels alone in the world. Also, when she reports the bullying only for others to rebuff her, the girl feels that no one cares. It’s bad enough when school staff ignore her pleas, but when members of her own family, refuse to listen to her, it’s twice as painful. And it’s even worse than that when they blame her.

What Bullied Girls Experience

Bullies shame female targets for their looks, femininity, and virtues. They call these poor young ladies names like “hoe,””whore,” “slut”, and other names that attack her as a woman. People will use their weight and their appearance as a weapon to cause harm. Even sadder is the reality that if their self-esteem is low enough, some live up to the names bullies call them.

Consequently, if this goes on long enough, she’ll no longer feel loved by family and or her peers. Therefore, she will more than likely use the only thing she feels she has left to offer- her sex appeal. Some bullied girls turn to sexual/dating partners to get the love and approval they’re missing out on and crave so badly. This usually doesn’t end well.

What Bullied Boys Experience

However, it’s much worse for boys. In most cases, boys don’t have the option to use the opposite sex as a Band-Aid for their emotional needs. Society expects boys to be strong and tough. In other words, to display manhood. Bullies will often emasculate their male targets and all too often, the target sees no way to reclaim his manhood.

Bullies will do everything in their power to strip the target of his “manhood” and feminize him. And they do it by making him look and feel less like a man. They will often call him names such as, “sissy,” “pussy”, “bitch” and other names that attack the masculinity.

Also, people consider it “un-macho” for a boy to report being bullied. Oftentimes, others refer young men who complain of being bullied as “whiners.” Other people will tell him to “toughen up,” “suck it up,” or “man up” because they deem it as against “man-code.” This can also erode male self-esteem.

Male Targets Have the Highest Rates of Suicide

Once bullies have stripped a young man of his manhood, it will become next to impossible for him to get a date and find love. Although the suicide rate among females has skyrocketed, It remains to be much higher in males.

bullied victim crying tears

No matter what, we must encourage bullied males to speak out and report bullies who torment them. We must also encourage them to seek therapy. Males must also have older males in their lives who remind them of their worth as men and re-enforce it.

We must also encourage females to speak out and get help, as well. Moreover, they must also have older female role models. And these role models must instill in them that they are just as good, just as whole, and just as beautiful. And they are good, beautiful and whole with or without a partner.

With knowledge comes power!

Male and Female Bullies: The Differences

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Female bullies can be the most vicious because they seem to be better at going undetected than male bullies. Granted, there are always exceptions to this rule, but this is true for the most part. Male bullies lean more toward outward physical bullying and females lean more toward bullying of the psychological variety.

Female Bullies:

I’ll say again but more descriptively. Although there are exceptions, most are passive-aggressive and commit much of their bullying on a psychological level. However, thanks to radical feminism and the moral decline in today’s young girls and women, physical assaults perpetrated by females are increasing at an alarming rate.

Females bully by Dividing and Conquering – attacking the targets’ relationships. Girls and women use smear campaigns, gossip, rumors, and witch hunts. These tactics are all designed to turn everyone against the target- ’Isolation of the target’.

They also use projection- projecting all of their own shortcomings onto the target. Bullies do have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. Projection is the best way to keep their own imperfections hidden.

Therefore, they project their imperfections onto the target. Also, these bullies will use distraction- distracting others’ attention away from their own shortcomings and evil deeds. Bullies do this by pointing out the negative qualities in their targets.

Psychological v/s Physical Bullying

Girls and some boys, use psychological warfare. Psychological bullying includes but is not limited to exclusion, dirty looks, taunts, insults, rumors and lies. Also, it can include thievery, invasion of the target’s privacy and destruction of the target’s property and relationships.

If this does not work, they then may resort to violence although not as often as male bullies. If females want to cause bodily harm to their target, they are more likely to persuade someone else to do their violence for them.

They may send a male friend or a bigger and tougher female friend, to catch the target alone and physically assault them. Moreover, they get them to comply by offering incentives. These girls may offer either illicit sex to their male friend to get them to do what they want. On the other hand, they may offer a tougher female friend inclusion into their particular clique and the chance to climb up the social ladder.

Passive-aggressive bullies may also offer money.

By primal instinct, females are nurturers.  Nature has hardwired girls and women toward maintaining relationships whether they be familial, friendships, or romantic. Many young girls plan to eventually get married and have families of their own.

Thus, female bullies aim to sabotage the target’s relationships. Most girls and women, from the time they are small, dream of one day finding a mate and having children because they have an instinct to nurture. They are usually the caretakers of the family and home.

Covert v/s Overt Bullying

Therefore, it should not be any surprise that female bullies are notorious for calling their targets names like ‘whore’, ‘slut’, ‘tramp’, ‘floosy’ and other names which attack the femininity and virtues.

Moreover, anytime you as a young lady are called either one of these names, there is an even deeper meaning behind it. Therefore, here’s the hidden meaning. It’s that you are not marriageable. Also, you are not worthy of a mate or children, and you are not considered to be a woman.

A female bully wants to brainwash you. Hence the reason why her attacks are so vicious and repetitive. She wants to convince you that you are worthless and will stop at nothing to make you believe it!

toxic brainwashing

Additionally, she knows that if she can make you believe the lies, there is a strong chance that you will live up to them. We are what we believe. This vicious shrew knows that if she could drum it into your head, she will succeed in breaking your spirit. Thus, making you prove her right.

Females Aren’t Always the Weaker Sex

 Get this straight. Female bullies WANT you to live up to the names that they call you. If they call you a whore, what they really want is for you to BE one.

So don’t live up to it! Show her up! However, she will not give up so easily. Girls tend to hang on to their hatred of another girl to the point of obsession. The bullying becomes a ritual. And when you stand up to a bully, don’t expect things to get better anytime soon.

Male bullies:

Because nature has hardwired most males to be the hunter and gatherer, guys tend to be more physical. And why not? Back during prehistoric times, males had to hunt and bring home the food to feed their families. Often, they had to fight off wild animals and human males of other groups in order to survive.

Although there are exceptions, males are more likely to use physical aggression. Young men are expected to be strong and tough…to display manhood. Therefore, if the target is another male, the boy bully will not only use his fists, but will also try to feminize their target by repetitively emasculating him.

Emasculation of Male Targets

Male bullies often call their targets names like, “sissy”, “pussy”, “bitch” and other names which attack the male pride and cause them to feel less like men. They try to strip their target of his manhood.

And if the male target speaks out against the treatment, the male bully will trivialize it by referring to the target as a “whiner” and tell him to “toughen up”, or “man up”. The male bully may also accuse his male victim of going against what is seen as “man-code” if he dares to report the bullying.

And male bullies who are physically violent usually beat up on males and females. However, there are a few who are so cowardly that they’ll never stand up against another guy but only beat up on girls.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Who Tattle on Their Targets

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Bullies, especially school bullies, are notorious tattletales. And they often tattle on their targets for even the tiniest of infractions. If it so happens, they cannot find anything to tell on their targets about, they will make something up. Furthermore, they will make sure it’s something believable.

These bullies watch their targets closely, waiting with bated breath for the target to do or say something- anything that even smacks of being outside the category of right. They then run and tattle to a teacher, principal, supervisor, or manager.

How noble these bullies must feel, sitting on their moral high ground, working as little gestapos. Moreover, they feel entitled to ensure that everyone is good little peasants, following the rules down to the letter! Or, at least, that’s what they want those in authority to think.

The reality is that everyone, other than the target, is free to do as they wish. They only do these things to their targets. Why? To keep them from being able to defend themselves or report bullying.

Therefore, if you are a target of bullying, all your bullies must do is smear your name to any member of staff and you’re marred for good. They then clear the path to bully you in the future without fear of being reported. After all, who’s going to take the word of a troublemaker and rule-breaker?

Also, if enough people tattle on you, those in positions of power are more likely to believe them. Why? Because, “if you aren’t guilty of whatever they accuse you of, then why are so many people pointing the finger at you?” Right?

It’s Like a Game of Chess, Bullies are Setting Everything Up Against You

Besides, in tattling on you or telling lies about you, these bullies are setting up a system where you will be discredited. In that, they’ll render you powerless to stop the bullying or escape it. Tattling is also a way to silence you.  Think about it. If you know that no one will believe you anyway, you’re more likely to find it easier and less painful just to keep your mouth shut.

Remember that bullies are master chess players. Therefore, this is how they set the stage beforehand to make you powerless. Because, once you’re completely powerless, they’ll bully you openly and in plain sight.

Besides, who’s going to stop them? After all, you’re a troublemaker, a rebel-rouser, a riffraff! And people aren’t bullying you, they’re only reacting to something you must have done to them. Right?

Bullies and everyone else-good. Target-bad! You’re bad, so you deserve it.

And the tattlers? They’re only “good kids” who want to learn in a clean environment. They serve as the extra pairs of eyes that the staff need because the staff can’t be everywhere at once. They’re the little helpers.

So, let’s give them a cookie for their efforts to make our jobs a little easier!

Tattling is a technique to eventually block the target from any help they’ll need and otherwise receive.

Afterwards, when the damage is done, the bullies will boast about how they succeeded in taking away your power and ruining your life.

Moreover, bullies use tattling as a veneer to hide their own bad behavior, and project it onto you. If they can slither their way into the good graces of those in power while demonizing you, their plot will work perfectly, and the bullies be virtually untouchable.

I cannot stress enough the importance of being prepared for this type of thing. And the more you prepare, the better you’ll be able to counter this slick tactic, and the better you’ll protect yourself.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons to Leave a Toxic Environment

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A Positive Environment

When we’re in the right environment, one that is accepting, loving, and nurturing, we not only survive, but we also thrive. We can grow and flourish.

Therefore, in a positive environment, under the right conditions, we feel free to be ourselves. We can express our own ideas and opinions without fear. Also, we can feel safe and secure. We can be confident and build positive relationships with others. This gives us the freedom to be creative and show our talents.

The people around us encourage and support us. They are cooperative and give us the freedom to be and do. Most importantly, they nudge and push us to be our best. This is the kind of environment that nurtures our souls.

Whereas, in the wrong environment, one that is toxic, oppressive, restrictive, and harmful, we may only survive. We may only squeeze by. Instead of grow, we only stagnate, or worse, regress. Instead of flourish, we only wither.

A Toxic Environment

In a toxic environment, under terrible conditions, we aren’t free. We’re only prisoners, slaves, and victims.

Furthermore, humans need more than just food and water to survive, which means they also need positivity from their environments. They need positive people around them.  Also, human beings need diverse experiences instead of sameness.

Sadly, a toxic, bullying environment only promotes sameness. It doesn’t tolerate any form of diversity because it loathes anything different. Environmental stimuli have a huge impact on our psyches and social interactions. It can make us bitter or better. Our environments can cause progression or regression.

Therefore, it is so important that, if you find yourself in an environment that sucks the oxygen out of you, you must remove yourself from it. Though it may not always be easy to do, it’s a must if you want to salvage your self-esteem and mental health. In doing so, you will save yourself a lot of stress and heartache. Also, you will save yourself months of recovery.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Compliments v/s Flattery

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Targets of bullying must know the difference between the two. And, surprisingly, many people think that compliments and flattery are one and the same. They aren’t.

A compliment is genuine. Whereas flattery is fake.

A compliment comes from the heart and is truthful. Also, compliments are earned. They’re reserved for people who deserve them. Compliments are given to praise someone for an accomplishment. They are an acknowledgement for a good deed, or a job well done.

Flattery, on the other hand, is used for self-servitude. It is insincere, deceptive, and can be an insult to the recipient. Because, again, it is strictly used for usery and selfish purposes. Flattery and insincere compliments are both the same.

Therefore, bullies never pay sincere compliments, especially to their targets. However, they will use flattery to butter their targets up all for the purpose of manipulating and exploiting them. Bullies may also use flattery as a form of subtle sarcasm. And if the target happens to be gullible, he may confuse it for genuine compliments. Bullies will then watch the target’s face light up with overexcitement, then laugh later.

Remember that many targets of bullying are often thirsty for any sign of approval and praise because they don’t get enough of it, if any at all. Therefore, anything that even looks like approval, they’ll be excited to receive, even overly so.

So, how can you tell the difference between fake flattery and a sincere compliment?

Simple. You can tell by the kind of relationship you have with the person giving you the compliment. In other words, if the person giving you the compliment is a bully who normally mistreats you, then you can be sure that it’s flattery. And the compliment is fake, phony, and false.

I can’t stress this enough. Never take seriously any “compliment” you receive from a bully. When a bully is suddenly nice to you and gives compliments, it is clearly to manipulate you. A bully who gives you a compliment is only flattering you. They are looking for an eventual payoff, be it psychological or otherwise.

In contrast, if the person is a true friend or family member, someone who loves you and has never intentionally harmed you, you know that the compliment is for real. Even if the praise comes from a total stranger, it would be more acceptable than if it came from a bully. Still, even with strangers, you should be gracious, but cautious because they haven’t established a relationship with you yet.

Make Sure Your Own Compliments are Sincere

Just the same, if you are the one making the compliment, make sure the person you compliment is a close friend or family member. In other words, make sure that person damn well deserves it from you and that they’ve done something that warrants it.

Understand that most people know their strengths and weaknesses. And if you give them a false accolade on something they know they aren’t good at, they will know that you’re lying to them. Also, they will wonder what ulterior motives you have in giving them such a fake compliment. Moreover, you can easily lose respect for it.

And last and most importantly, never compliment a bully! Ever!

Here’s why:

  1.  Bullies get their behinds kissed all the time and it’s exactly how they’ll perceive it.
  2. You will be giving the bully a juicy opportunity to turn it against you and steamroll you with it.
  3.  Bullies are the last people who deserve praise. Never give anyone anything they haven’t earned.

Follow these three rules and I promise you that your value will go up tremendously. It may not seem so, but it will.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Hate Only Damages the Hater Not the Hated

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As a survivor of severe bullying and peer-abuse, I’ve seen the faces of hate- up close and personal. And let me tell you, it’s ugly! And dangerous!

I know what it looks like. I’ve felt it’s powerful and painful sting and have been paralyzed by it. As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve even had it directed toward others in those days. But hatred is worthless. Most people don’t understand the damage it does to not the hated, but the hater!

The reality is that hate causes the hater more pain than it does the hated. I say this because I’ve witnessed it. In the past, I’ve looked into the eyes of my bullies- deep into their eyes- down into their souls! And I truly believe that if there wasn’t a law against murder or manslaughter, I probably wouldn’t be here today.

On the Receiving End of Hatred

That was the kind of hate many of my classmates had for me. I saw how it would burn them up inside. ‘You see? That’s what hate does. When you have hatred for another person, you’re only hurting yourself.

Because it will eat you up inside and make you crazy. Hate is a sick and twisted obsession and it can take over your life if you allow it to.

Hatred can destroy your happiness and prospects. It skews your judgement and ability to think clearly. It causes you to make horrible decisions- decisions that can alter the entire trajectory of your life.

Hate is Harmful on Both Sides

When a person has hatred for another human being, it numbs their conscience, dulls their reasoning capabilities. They will condone things they would otherwise deem immoral and evil. The hater will approve of the most depraved, heinous, and atrocious atrocities directed toward the hated person. Yet they would disapprove of it, even condemn it, if it’s against with anyone else, even a total stranger.

Hate turns even the kindest, most caring people into depraved monsters. Realize that hate destroys haters and targets alike. Hate kills.

Indifference is a better option than hate. Because with indifference, you could absolutely care less, You could care less if the person is doing good or bad, what he thinks, what he says, or what he does.

Indifference is Much Better than Hate

On the other hand, with hate, you care because all you want is for the hated person to suffer. There’s a strong desire to make sure nothing good happens for the hated.  And you obsessively seek to destroy them and their life. You want to make sure all opportunities are closed off to the hated person. This is what hate does. It causes haters to obsess over the hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullies, let them go ahead and hate on you. But don’t hate them back. Instead, be indifferent toward them, and how you do that is to stop caring what others think and do your thing, baby!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Which Would You Rather Be?

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Hated for Being Smart or Pitied for Being Dumb?

I ask this question because many intelligent people try to hide their smarts for fear of hatred and bullying. They let others convince them that, because of their smarts, they come off as know-it-alls. Others tell them to dumb down because they “don’t want to make others feel bad about themselves.” They may even tell them to tone it down a little or they just might offend some people.

This is total BS!

I want you to know one thing right now! It is not your responsibility to make someone else feel good about themselves. Whether your intelligence offends others is not your problem. Their hatred of you is also not your problem.

Continue to be Your Smart Self

Understand that the reason why your intelligence may offend some people is because they are either jealous, intimidated, or insecure. It’s because of their own unaddressed psychological issues- issues that they’re trying to lay off on you.

Your intelligence may inspire some to doubt their own smarts and mental capabilities. Also, it may provoke others to compare themselves to you. Again, not your responsibility. They are the ones doubting and questioning their own intelligence. They are the ones who are making comparisons. You aren’t doing these things to them. They are doing it to themselves!

You are Not Responsible for Someone Else’s Feelings

Again, you are not responsible for another person’s self-esteem. Only they can do the inner work needed to raise their confidence levels. Therefore, if they’re too lazy to do that inner work, that’s on them!

Here’s another point I want to make: The hate that’s directed at you never feels good and can be frightening. But always remember that there’s dignity in being hated, but none in being pitied.

Yes, you read that correctly. When people hate you, you still have your dignity. But when they pity you, you’ve lost all dignity and respect!

Others hate smart people, but they pity the stupid.

Therefore, never hide your intelligence from anyone. Let yourself stand out and shine. And never feel tempted to hide your brilliance because you’re afraid of being bullied, ridiculed, or hated by others. Instead, ask yourself,

“Would you rather be hated for being smart or pitied for being dumb?”

I rest my case.

Why Bullies Usually End Up Eating Their Own

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Bullies want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even. Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades, they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light? Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once the target sees these revelations, his confidence will get a big boost. The target will realize that she isn’t and never was the one with the issues. In this, he will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, the target will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in the target’s favor. In other words, the person will be a target no more. Remember that the best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Because, once the target ceases to be a target, bullies no longer have power over him. Therefore, the bullies must go search for another target.

The Sudden Power Shift

When these bullies spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way. Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Label You “Mentally Ill”

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When people label you “mentally ill,” “crazy,” “unhinged,” take your pick, based on the lies of bullies; no one has to take you seriously ever again. People will automatically doubt everything you do, good or bad. Anytime society sticks a person with the “mentally imbalanced” label, it can be worse than if they deemed them a criminal. Because at least people take criminals, even murderers and rapists more seriously. What a crying shame!

Therefore, when bullies can con an entire community into deeming you crazy, they can make you disappear and become irrelevant. And they can do it even after you’re dead.

The most insidious thing about this label is that it can make the labelled person doubt their own sanity. In other words, it’s not so much that they think you’re crazy, it’s that they want you to believe it. Why? Because, if they can make you believe it, then you’re more likely to live up to it.

Further, the crazy card is the easiest for bullies to play. Although they can never prove you’re a basket case, there’s no way you can prove that you aren’t one.

The label, “crazy” is worse than the label, “criminal.”

This is why the crazy label is the most widely used among bullies and society as a whole. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Crazy” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove crazy.

Therefore, the more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to keep your head and continue showing them up. It may take a while, but eventually, the label does get old and wear itself out. And when that happens, it will lose it’s effect.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

A Blessing that Feels Like a Curse

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Now, more than ever, we must stand up for our God, our beliefs, and convictions. We must be true to ourselves, our hearts, and to the people who love us, and we must do it boldly and confidently. We must know ourselves inside and out.

In short, we must have the courage to be different.

The blessings of critical thinking and self-care can be dangerous today.

Sadly, in the last two years, this country has gotten so divided that people have lost family and who were once close friends over their beliefs, their convictions, their values, and their traditions. I’ve lost a few friends myself. However, I’m not afraid to lose people. It’s only God’s way of removing the people who were imposters all along and never deserved to be in my life in the first place.

Hey! I know it’s hard. But if you’ve lost people the last few years because of our divisive government and society, I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. Your beliefs and convictions are yours and you own them. And again, God is taking out your trash for you.

Therefore, sometimes, what is a blessing can feel like a curse. Some blessings require pain and sacrifice. But it’s always worth it in the end. And, who knows? You might end up with much more than you ever lost.

The blessing of seeing who people really are.

Although these blessings are quite painful, I truly believe that these last two years are a test. They’re a test to see if you’re strong enough to stand in your truth no matter what it may cost you. Never be afraid to be yourself, speak your truth, and risk losing a person you only think is a friend.

These last two years have revealed so much to us. Among the revelations are the true faces of those we thought were friends and were smarter. Moreover, these last couple of years have shed new light on the true intentions of our so-called leaders, whom we thought were loyal to us.

If nothing else, remember this:

You don’t lose friends, you lose frauds.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Both a Blessing and a Curse

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When you have a sharp BS detector and are able to see through others’ fakery and behind their douchebaggery, you have a special gift that few people have. That much is true. Moreover, with this gift, you can more easily avoid the many traps and pitfalls bullies, shysters, and con artists set up.

However, having this gift can be a curse. Although being awake and alert to lies, deceit, and bad intentions is both freeing and empowering, it can also be an excruciating and alienating journey. It can be lonely, confusing, and frightening. You often struggle as you try to process the insanity around you.

There is a reality that no one talks about- the darkness that accompanies your having this kind of sight. In fact, you may grieve what you thought, for so many years, was the truth. The realization that everything you once thought you knew turned out to be lies is, perhaps, the most difficult pill to swallow.

Furthermore, the people you once trusted, the principals you were taught, the beliefs you once held, the illusions you once had, and the life you once lived- when they turn out to be lies, it’s the hardest thing!

The Truth Hurts

Having your illusions shattered is never an enjoyable experience. However, with growth comes pain and discomfort and it doesn’t stop there. With these newfound revelations, you will often find yourself grieving again. You’ll grieve the loss of relationships with people you thought were friends and were smarter.

You’ll feel alone. And you’ll be ridiculed not only by acquaintances and passers by but sometimes by friends and family. You’ll realize that you never had nearly as much in common with the people you care about as you originally thought.

When you’re wise to bullshit, people will judge and ridicule you because they either don’t see what you do, or they do see it but are either living in denial or they’re too chicken to call it out.

Moreover, you might grieve the loss of your own ignorance because ignorance is bliss and reality is harsh. You might even find yourself wishing that you were still just as ignorant as they are because, if you were, you’d still fit in with them.

Having the sense to see through all the smoke screens can be a lonely road to travel. There’s no sugarcoating it- getting wise to the realities of the world and of the people around you can be brutal!

Most People Can’t Handle the Truth

Furthermore, the ability to dive down into the deepest, darkest rabbit holes and to remain functioning in daily life is a skill that we don’t talk about enough.

I’ve lost many people I thought were friends. However, I still consider myself one of the lucky few. Why? Because most of my family and my small circle of true friends? They get it and they get me. However, many of you aren’t so lucky. You’re struggling with feeling disconnected from your family and friends and it’s as though they exist in another world.

Just know that you’re not alone. Not only are you not alone, but you also have an entire tribe standing behind you. We may be separated by miles, but we’re deeply connected in purpose and spirit.

So, hold on to your faith and your dignity. Hold onto your truth and stand on it. Continue to be yourself and to press forward. Know that we’re here and we’ve got you! Most importantly, know that God’s here and He’s got you!

With knowledge comes empowerment!