Category: advice for targets of bullying

confidence-building techniques for students

Confidence-Building Techniques: 15 Powerful Tips You Can Use

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‘Want to know some confidence-building techniques? Here are 15 excellent tips you can use to build your self-esteem and start feeling great about yourself!

confidence-building techniques

Confidence is the most important characteristic you can ever have. And not only during school to ward off bullies, but all through life.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn fifteen confidence-building techniques you can use to become more confident.

Once you have learned all this crucial information, you will gain confidence in yourself. And most of all, you will be able to keep the bullies away.

This post is all about confidence-building techniques that you can learn and use to boost your self-esteem and self-worth.

Confidence-Building Techniques.

It does not matter how smart you are or how high your grades are. You can have five PhDs and be the most intelligent person on the face of the earth.

However, if you lack confidence, you will struggle to communicate or interact effectively with others. Your people skills will be lacking, and you won’t get anywhere in life.

The reality is that other people do indeed have a significant impact on whether you succeed or fail in life. Others are the gatekeepers to our success, and if you think otherwise, you are only fooling yourself.

What Happens When You Lack Confidence?

You can’t achieve that high position you want without being selected for the job by another person —the interviewer. This person could be the company owner or an HR manager.

Even during school, the vast majority of teachers are honest and grade students fairly, regardless of how they may feel about them. However, it’s still not unheard of for a student to receive a failing grade solely because the instructor didn’t like them. It does happen, though not often.

Confidence equals excellent people skills—great people skills equal charm. Charm is often associated with having great friends and connections. Having great friends and connections equals success.

People skills will always trump smarts, good grades, high marks, and college degrees! Always!

Confidence-Building Techniques:

Confidence is SOMETHING Others notice instantly.

Confidence, or lack thereof, is something that people notice when they meet you for the first time. When you walk into a job interview and meet your interviewer, he is going to notice right away whether you are confident in yourself.

If you’re not, it’s doubtful that they will hire you. The reason for this is that if you’re not confident in yourself, how then can you expect others to be confident in you?

Make no mistake about it. Confidence is the number one ingredient in all areas of your life. It’s the first trait that potential employers look for. And not only potential employers but also prospective associates, customers, friends, and dates.

Whether or not you are confident is something that everyone looks at, unless they have low self-esteem themselves.

Never let anyone take away your confidence.

This is why you must never let a bully take away your confidence. If another person has already taken it away, you must fight like hell to get it back.

You must realize that if a person steals your confidence, they also steal your potential for success. Additionally, they eliminate any possibilities for happiness. In short, they steal your future.

Bullies are confidence thieves! Again, never surrender your confidence to anyone! Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best when he made this quote:

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

If you ever encounter bullying, be sure to guard your confidence and self-esteem. Because your life truly does depend on it!

Confidence-Building Techniques:

Here are the 15 confidence-building techniques.

The techniques below can serve as a buffer to your self-esteem and build the confidence you need to stand up to bullies.

1. Watch and Listen

Believe it or not, your bullies get talked about, too. They have numerous enemies. And why not? They’ve been walking over others for a long time.

So, you can bet they’ve left a long trail of foes behind them – adversaries who are more than happy to tell you all about your bullies’ weaknesses.

And when they do, you’ll feel so much better about yourself. Why? Because you’ll discover that your bullies aren’t as invincible as they appear.

2. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Know that you aren’t the only one they have bullied

Seasoned bullies have had plenty of practice over the years. There have been other victims before you, and there will be more after you.

Why do you think they are so good at making you feel bad about yourself? How do you think they became so skilled at it?

They didn’t get that way overnight. It stemmed from years of trial and error. Therefore, they figured out what worked and what didn’t.

Your bullies had to have had guinea pigs (previous victims) to practice on.

3. Collect info on your bullies.

Find out about their personal and family lives. You can bet that bullies have family problems, too. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to prove something.

As I stated earlier, they have enemies. Find these enemies and cozy up to them. Then, have them tell you what they know about your bullies.

I have done it many times, and I can tell you that you’ll be surprised at the tidbits you discover!

4. Ingratiate yourself with others your bullies have bullied.

You and these people have something in common. Therefore, this should be a piece of cake! Align yourself with these other victims. And be there for them when they need you. In fact, be there for those who are suffering.

Why? Because if you’re there for them, then it’s likely that they will be there for you, too.

Bullies run in packs, so why can’t their targets? Understand that strength comes in numbers, and bullies prefer loners.  If you band together with other victims of bullying, your bullies will think twice before accosting you.

Again, bullies are cowards. They would prefer to catch you alone rather than confront you while you’re in a group.

5. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Keep company only with those who uplift you.

A true friend uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. They encourage you, have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer for you when you reach success.

All too often, victims latch on to fake friends – frenemies who only tolerate them. These frenemies will subtly humiliate you in public. Then they throw you under the bus when you’re in trouble.

You may cling to fakes because you’re desperate for connections. And when these “friends” treat you like garbage, you may make excuses for them.

Why? Because you believe that anything is better than being friendless. I made that mistake myself when I suffered bullying in school.

6. Let Go of Fake Friends.

If nothing else, understand this right now! Anyone who belittles you, even a little bit, is not your friend! They’re only there because they know that you’re lonely.

You are vulnerable to them – vulnerable for them to use and take advantage of you. That is the only reason they hang around!

Do you want friends like that? I hope not! I hope that you will do what I finally did the last year of school. Which is ditch those creeps, and find friends who genuinely like you and want to be with you!

7. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Show off your talents and gifts

If you can sing, enter talent shows! If you can write, enter writing contests! So, if you know you’re good at something, find ways to show it off!

Once you’ve suffered bullying for so long, your self-esteem is shot to hell. As a result, you will hide the gifts you were born with. But it’s better to let others see what you’re best at.

Yes, you may attract a few haters, but celebrities have them too. So, let your talents shine! You’d be surprised at what it will do for your self-esteem. I promise you!

8. Do the things that fill your soul.

In other words, do the things you love to do most. Whether you love to swim, hike, or camp, find opportunities to do these things.

Why? Because they raise your happiness quotient exponentially! The more happy moments you have, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Doing these things will help to buffer your self-esteem against personal attacks. In other words, it will lessen the pain of the attacks. Why? Because you’ll know you have friends, allies, talents, and positive moments in life.

This is solid proof that counters any toxic claims people may try to make. And you’ll feel much better about yourself.

It will also help correct the imbalance between adversity and success. Many victims often experience numerous social failures and only a few successes. If you do these things, you’ll soon achieve a healthy balance between the two.

9. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Know yourself.

This means knowing who you are, your likes, and what you will and will not accept.

When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself. In other words, you won’t allow others, particularly toxic people, to do it for you.

When you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying. Why? Because you trust your gut instincts.

Therefore, you’re better able to recognize it. And when you can identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it. Instead, you’ll refuse to accept what you won’t put up with.

10. Know where bullying comes from.

Realize that most bullying comes from insecurity. Those who are insecure will often try to make others feel bad so they can feel good about themselves.

Also, many bullies subconsciously think that they’re inferior. So, they try to lord it over you to look superior. You must realize that they are not happy people. Those who are truly happy and secure with their lives do not need to put others down.

11. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Set boundaries.

A lack of boundaries invites disrespect. In other words, when you have no limits, others will walk over you. They’ll treat you like garbage because they know they can get away with it.

But, when you set boundaries, you build an invisible fortress around yourself to keep those who want to abuse you away. Setting boundaries means saying “no” when you must.

It also means standing up to those who verbally or physically abuse you. If they insult you, comeback with something that humiliates them. If they hit you, defend yourself.

Setting boundaries is the only thing that will keep away anyone who attempts to disrupt your peace.

12. Take care of your body.

This means taking care of your hygiene, grooming yourself, and maintaining your health. It also means eating right and exercising.

And lastly, it means dressing your best. So, take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!

13.  Work on your goals.

What is your passion? What are the things you would like to work toward? And what do you hope to accomplish?

If you have goals, work to achieve them. Not only will you be more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, achieving those goals will significantly boost your confidence.

Additionally, if you haven’t achieved them yet, you’ll be so busy working that the haters won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

14. Confidence-Building Techniques:

Make affirmations every day.

This is as easy as looking in the mirror each morning and making “I am” statements to yourself. For example, you can say,

  • “I AM beautiful.”
  • “I AM smart.”
  • “I AM better than what they say.”
  • “I AM a good person.”
  • “I AM worthy of love and friendship.”
  • “I deserve respect and dignity.”

There are many affirmations you can choose to tell yourself. This may be awkward at first. However, the longer you practice this technique, the more natural it will feel. And, most importantly, the better you will feel about yourself.

You will be surprised at how much this will boost your confidence level.

15. Talk to someone.

Tell a trusted family member, friend, or teacher about how others are treating you. Additionally, you can also consult a therapist.

But whatever you do, don’t be silent about it. You cannot afford to bury your experiences and emotions. The anger and sadness will only fester if you do.

Talk to anyone you trust. Why? Because when you talk about it, you release all the negative emotions that have slowly built up due to abuse.

In closing

Your self-esteem and confidence levels determine the entire trajectory of your life. They determine your successes, failures, and how others perceive you. Therefore, it’s crucial to guard your confidence with everything you have.

Moreover, if you’re low on it, you must learn techniques to rebuild it. And never allow bullies and toxic people to strip it away. Why? Because if they destroy your confidence, they’ll destroy your life.

The purpose of this post is to give you the confidence-building techniques to save your mental health so that you can keep toxic people away and preserve your peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

Bullying and Self-Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

The importance of confidence

Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

25 Signs of a Toxic Person

Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

Needy Behavior: 5 Reasons it Derails Your Social Life

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‘Want to know why and how needy behavior destroys your social life? Here are 7 reasons why being needy repels the right people and attracts the wrong people.

needy behavior

Chronic bullying causes so many social problems for victims. When a victim is selected for bullying, bullies begin a vicious smear campaign that can destroy the victims friendships and relationships.

In other words, people begin turning against them because no one wants to risk their own reputations by associating with the bullied person. As a result, everyone isolates the bullied person.

This can cause needy behavior in the victim because they become so desperate for friends that they’re willing to humiliate themselves just for one tiny crumb of human connection.

However, most victim don’t realize that this only makes things worse.

If this is you, this post will teach you how to recognize needy behavior in yourself when it happens. Moreover, you will learn powerful ways to stop the behavior so that you can take back your power and your dignity.

This post is all about how to recognize and stop needy behavior so that you can take back your self-respect and control over your life.

How Do You Recognize Needy Behavior?

You recognize needy behavior by first assessing your inner dialogue, or self-talk. In other words, your thought patterns.

If you’re thinking to yourself things, such as:

“If only I was ten pounds thinner and had long, flowing hair, maybe my friends would like me”

“Maybe if I had bought front row tickets to the game, concert, etc. instead of regular tickets, he would love me.”

“If only I made a 4.0 instead of a 3.99, my family would be proud of me.”

“Maybe I should have bought her a dozen roses instead of a half-dozen, then she would love me.”

“Maybe if I worked sixteen hours a day instead of twelve, then my boss and coworkers would like me.”

Then, yes, you may be exhibiting needy behavior without even knowing that you’re doing it. When you feel needy, you tend to act that way.

Moreover, most bullying targets tend to hold those toxic beliefs about themselves, which translates to, “I’m not enough.” However, I want you to know right now.

You are enough and always have been. It’s just that other people, for selfish or nefarious reasons, have managed to convince you that you aren’t. Therefore, you should see them for what they are… liars!

So, How do you recognize needy behavior in yourself?

Before we go any further, you need to know this. It’s easy to see this kind of behavior in others. The view is always much clearer from the outside.

However, it’s difficult to see a certain behavior in ourselves. We do things all the time without thinking about it. Self-awareness is a must and most people don’t have it, sorry to say.

Here are the behaviors to watch out for:

1. You’re constantly bending over backwards to prove your worth to people.

For example, you may put in lots of effort to help around the house and no one thanks you for it. Or worse, they don’t even acknowledge it.

Here’s another example. You may buy the girl who went on a mercy date with you a dozen roses and even shell out money to pay her car payment… you get the point.

You feel you must buy her love.

The girl doesn’t even like you but she’ll sure take your money and may even thank you for it. However, she doesn’t want to go on a second date. But she forces herself to go to keep getting the benefits from you.

So, while you’re on this date, she ignores you and talks to other guys, making you feel like a loser. But, to hang onto her, you keep giving her money, letting her bleed you until you’re broke.

And once you have nothing left to give her, she ghosts you!

Understand that this over giving never works. It only produces the opposite of your desired result!

What usually happens when you do this?

Anytime you sacrifice yourself to score approval points, you spin your wheels and get nowhere. If anything, people won’t respect you. They’ll only look down on you with a mixture of pity, disgust, and hilarity.

They think you’re pathetic when you’re so eager to kiss butt in you weak attempts to win friends and dates. Also, the more you give at your own expense, the worse others treat you. Why? Because you leave yourself wide open for use and abuse.

There is nothing more pathetic than someone who simps for approval. Think of the song, “Self-esteem” by The Offspring and if you haven’t heard it, hop onto YouTube and give it a listen.

You only attract predators, while repelling good, quality people of class and decency. Additionally, human predators have a spidey sense when it comes to picking out those who are weak and approval-seeking. They’ll see you coming a mile away!

And they will take full advantage and bleed you dry of resources, time, and worse! Confidence and happiness!

2. You go out of your way to maintain friendships with people who only tolerate you Just to keep from being alone.

Anytime you become needy, some people might include you in their groups, but not because they like you or want to be around you. They’ll only pretend to like you because they feel sorry for you.

And the last thing you should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind would want to settle for that? But wait! It gets worse!

After a while, any pity these people might have for you will wear thin.

Here are a few reasons why needy Behavior is not only unattractive and humiliating but downright dangerous:

1. Any time you’re a target of bullying by everyone- the group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it.

In the minds of the bullies and others, these so-called friends of yours are guilty by association. Therefore, instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!

2. The group must pretend to like having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

But their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. It’ll be so subtle that you may not even know it’s happening.

And you can bet that if you make the slightest mistake or they perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open and their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent.

Consequently, they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.

Moreover, they’ll never have your back. When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person.

3. With Needy Behavior, you attract more users and abusers to come into your life.

Others who don’t know you will watch you closely as you continue to simp for acceptance. Then, you’ll draw in new predators because they will see you as someone they can get something from, even if it’s only psychological benefits.

Understand that human predators are drawn to the needy like vultures to a carcass. They seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them.

Again, once they’ve gotten all they want out of you, they’ll discard you like a dirty piece of toilet paper.

You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!

I want you to understand this.

If you’re doing these things:

Feeling that you must put on a front for others to approve of you.

Fulfill impossible demands from your boss at work.

Thinking that you must give them your delicious dessert at lunch when you really want to eat it yourself.

Believing that you need to do someone’s homework for them, give them money or do something that you don’t want to do to win their friendship

Having to chase someone or go out of your way to get them to see the good in you

Putting up with being abused, disrespected, and humiliated by people who are supposed to be your friends

Tolerating friends who never have your back, who disappear and always throw you under the bus when trouble comes for you

Needing to force conversations with these so-called friends

In a nutshell, if at any time a friendship doesn’t feel right, these people do not deserve the time of day!

4. You’re too agreeable.

People notice when you don’t have your own opinions and beliefs. Agreeing with things you really don’t agree with not only stifles your individuality, it makes you a target.

Understand that everyone is different. Therefore, embrace your individuality and have an opinion that’s all your own. Moreover, if others abuse you for it, that should tell you that you should find better friends.

5. You wear yourself out. 

Because you work so hard to win approval, you eventually deplete yourself of energy. Then, you get exhausted.

In no way am I blaming You because I’ve been there.

I understand the feeling of social deprivation when bullies are constantly sabotaging your ability to make new friends. It gets tough after so long.

However, when you’re that hard-up for social connections, it shows. Anytime you’re willing to put up with crappy treatment to keep from being by yourself, it decreases your worth as a person.

Other people see it and immediately think you’re pathetic. You come off to others as clingy and needy. Even worse, the desperate vibes you put out only attracts more bullying and alienation.

Needy behavior just plain stinks. It is off-putting and repels even the people who would otherwise be good friends.

But you don’t need enemies with friends like that. Ditch these losers fast! They don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life.

Know that you’re worth more than you know and that you can do much better! Believe that with every fiber of your being.

this post was all about needy behavior so that you can learn to spot it and correct it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

2. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

gaslighting phrases

Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

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Would you like to know gaslighting phrases so that you can see and hear gaslighting as it happens? These are the most common statements bullies will use to make you doubt yourself.

gaslighting phrases

When bullies hurl gaslighting statements your way, it can be twice as hurtful. Why? Because they victimize you a second time after you call out the initial abuse. As one who’s personally experienced this kind of behavior, I’m giving you the top gaslighting phrases to keep an ear out for.

You are going to learn the most common gaslighting phrases bullies use against their targets.

After you learn about all these statements, you will be better prepared with the proper comebacks to shut these creeps down. Moreover, you will have a greater chance of taking back control of your life.

This post is all about the most common gaslighting phrases that every target of bullying should watch for.

Gaslighting phrases:

Before we begin with the seven most common phrases used by gaslighters, I will mention the definition and goal of gaslighting for anyone who is new to this topic.

So, what is gaslighting?

Gaslighting comes from the 1940s film, “Gaslight,” in which an abusive husband exploits his wife by trying to convince her that she is going crazy. Another word for this type of abuse is “crazymaking.”

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that bullies and abusers inflict by saying things to cause their victims to doubt themselves and their own personal experiences. Moreover, the goal of gaslighting is for bullies to wield more power over the victim while diminishing their account of the abuse they suffer.

It is a sick and perverse mind game abusers play with their targets. So, what are the most common gaslighting phases bullies use and what do they sound like?

1. “You’re only imagining things.”

Bullies and abusers use this phrase to get you to doubt your own reality and question your own sanity. Furthermore, they aim to discredit you and to prompt bystanders and witnesses to question you as well. It’s so easy, it shouldn’t work.

But it does work, perhaps, a little too well!

By using this phrase (usually in front of an audience) the gaslighter attacks your ability to remember things accurately. Just as they do with the first statement, they discredit you by making you seem paranoid to others around them.

Moreover, they use this phrase to humiliate and silence you. Bullies hope that by doing this, they can silence you by making you so afraid of looking crazy that you’ll keep your mouth shut.

In short, this phrase has many goals: To discredit, embarrass, intimidate, and silence you.

This is why so many victims of this tactic eventually stop talking, while bullies and abusers only continue and escalate the abuse.

2. “That Didn’t happen.”

This is another deceitful response bullies and abusers quote to discredit you. This statement is also designed to make you look as if you have a faulty memory and can’t keep your story straight.

Moreover, when bullies make this statement, they make sure to look confident when they say it. They also say it with conviction. Here’s one thing you should know right now!

Abusers know that confidence (even false confidence) and conviction are THE two ingredients that will make any lie believable to bystanders.

So, be sure to keep this last bold sentence in the back of your mind! Always!

3. “You’re crazy!”

This is, perhaps, the worst of all gaslighting phrases.

Yep. There’s that crazy label again. Attacking your mental stability is the worst thing your bullies and abusers could ever do to you. The reason is that society believes those with mental illness the least, discredits them the most, and treats them the worst.

Moreover, hardened criminals and former prison inmates get better treatment than people who are believed to be mentally unstable. The reality is that people will take the word of a bank robber, rapist, or even a murderer over that of someone society has labelled mentally ill.

Bullies and abusers instinctively know this. And when they attack your sanity, they immediately shove you down to the bottom of the societal hierarchy. Furthermore, tearing off this label is the most difficult thing to do.

It’s much easier to exonerate yourself from accusations of a heinous crime than it is from the label of insanity or mental defect.

Additionally, your abusers only set you up to face a plethora of hate, discrimination, and prejudice in the future. Why? Because society, as a whole, even today, fosters an intense hatred of the mentally ill.

those perceived to be mentally ill are treated worse than hardened criminals.

And the hatred is so much so that even the mere perception that you are imbalanced can bring hatred to your doorstep. In fact, you may very well be the most sane and stable person on the face of the earth.

However, all it takes is for one person to paint you as “crazy,” spread the word to enough people, then kick back and let the court of public opinion take it from there. It’s that easy.

 As a result, your reputation will fall like a meteor. ‘You see? The sad thing is this:

Although it’s true that no one can ever prove that you are, in fact, crazy, there’s also no way that you can prove that you’re not. Mental defect OR fitness is, pretty much, impossible to prove.

Again, bullies and abusers are fully aware of these things, which is what makes the crazy label itself especially brutal. It has totally ruined the lives of many good, honest, and hardworking people.

4. “this is why nobody likes you.”

Bullies and abusers are masters at isolating their victims. They very skillfully use smear campaigns to turn friends, and yes, even family members against their targets. Bullies do this by reversing the roles and claiming to everyone that they are the one who has long suffered from your abuse.

The reason your bullies slander you to anyone who’ll listen is because it gives them the confirmation they so desperately need that you are a bad person.

Moreover, it breaks down the support system you once had, which gives your attackers a green light to continue and intensify the bullying and abuse. Bullies can now abuse you more freely without fear of anyone butting in and trying to interfere.

In other words, they don’t have to worry about any of your friends/family trying to rescue you.

This is why bullies despise it when you have friends and people who love and care about you. It undermines their power and control over you.

With that said, once your controller has succeeded in isolating you, this is one of the main gaslighting phrases you will hear them say. You bullies will say this to make you feel devalued and to drive the point into your head that you aren’t lovable, wanted, worthy of friendship… take your pick.

The goal here is to break your confidence and lower your self-esteem. Understand that this, or any other gaslighting statements are meant to condition your mind over time.

The process of gaslighting is gradual and slowly wears you down until you feel totally powerless.

5. “You Bring It all On Yourself,” Is another one of the most obvious of gaslighting phrases.

This evil and self-serving statement is meant to take responsibility off the bully/abuser and place it onto the victim. In other words, bullies refuse to take accountability for their bad behavior and, instead, blame the target.

In doing this, they re-victimize the target and blame them for being bullied and abused. Other such gaslighting phrases abusers may use are:

“It’s your own fault.”

“You got what was coming to you.”

“You made me hurt you.”

NOTE: “You made me” statements are especially obvious gaslighting phrases. You should see them as such and cut ties with the gaslighter immediately if possible. If this isn’t possible right away, you may need to plan your exit slowly and carefully while waiting and watching for the opportunity to get out.

6. You’re over-reacting” or “You’re being too sensitive”

Gaslighting statements like these are used to trivialize reality, your feelings, and your response. Understand that bullies are experts at trivializing their bad behavior along with your feelings and responses to it.

The goal here is to undermine your voice and your word in front of an audience and convince others not to take you seriously. If your bullies can cause others to call you into question and perceive you as paranoid, they can bleed you of any outside support.

7. “Everyone is on my side!” or “Everyone Agrees with me!”

This is also one of the top 3 worst gaslighting phrases. The reason it’s so bad is because it makes you feel outnumbered and out-voted. In other words, by making this statement, the bullies want you to feel as if everyone is ganging up on you.

Therefore, the more people you think side with the bullies, the more likely you are to doubt and question your own judgement. Abusers hope you do because if you doubt yourself, it’s easier for the people around you to doubt you too.

In conclusion, if you want to preserve your self-esteem and mental health, it is imperative that you know who you are and what you experience. Stay strong and never doubt what you see, hear, and experience no matter what mind games and tricks your bullies play.

Also, if possible, you must leave the environment (the company, the school, the relationship) if you expect to begin healing and take back control of your life.

Remember that people have left their home countries to escape oppression. That’s what gaslighting is, it’s a form of oppression as is other kinds of bullying and abuse.

It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be tough for a while. But it will be worth it in the end! I promise!

This post is all about the most common gaslighting phrases to help you see gaslighting for what it is and find a way out of any bullying environment!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out for

Coercive Control: The Top 5 Signs and How to Escape It

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Do you want to know what coercive control looks like? These are the signs you must watch for if you want to stand against it or make your escape.

coercive control

Coercive control is harmful as it strips it’s victim of freedom and autonomy. As one who has experienced this in the past, I’m giving you all the signs to look out for. These are characteristics that I and many others have seen firsthand, time and time again.

You will learn the exact indicators so that you can decide early on the best recourse to take your personal power back.

After you learn about all these characteristics of it, you will better be able to take back control of your life and protect yourself from any future coercion.

This post is all about the signs of coercive control that every empathetic person with high integrity should know.

Signs of Coercive control

Before we go further, we must know that coercive control happens in all aspects of life. We most often hear of it running rampant between romantic partners and spouses.

Although true, coercive control also happens in school and on the job as well. Moreover, it is the main ingredient of school and workplace bullying and mobbing.

With that said, the first step in getting out of any controlling situation is to know the signs and what it looks like. Here are the signs.

Coercive control consists of behavior patterns that terrorize, punish, and harm its victims.

1. Ultimatums.

Ultimatums are the number one, most obvious sign of coercive control. They always include threats of some form of loss or harm to the victim. Moreover, they are meant to induce terror in victims and slowly chip away their confidence and self-esteem. Bullies use ultimatums to condition victims that they have no other choice but to obey.

Therefore, the goal of an ultimatum is to force the victim’s hand by threatening to take away something important to them. This could be the loss of a relationship, their home, or their children or family. Also, it could be their jobs or entire careers.

In other words, bullies wield power over their target by threatening the loss or harm to anything or anyone the victim loves or deems important.

Here’s an example. An abusive spouse threatens to take the children if the victim even thinks about leaving them.

Also, we have seem this form of control run rampant in the last five years. An example would be during 2020 and 2021, the height of the you-know-what.

It was, “do this within thirty days or you will no longer have your job.” Or it was, “If you haven’t done that within the next two weeks, we will have the state revoke your business license.”

Ultimatums are so insidious and blatant that there should be no question that they’re hallmarks of coercive control.

If people begin giving you ultimatums, know that they are trying to control you. Whether it’s an abusive partner, toxic boss at work, or bullies at school, you must stand against it.

Therefore, you have two choices, either say no and back it up by refusing their demands, or head for the nearest exit. Either way, you make a choice not to be controlled.

2. Physical Assaults and attacks.

Bodily harm is another one of the most blatant and obvious forms of coercive control.  Physical beatings are not only designed to harm the victim, they are also meant to induce intense fear in targets and as a tool for bullies to re-enforce their power and control.

Nobody wants to get brutally beaten. Bullies instinctive know this. Therefore, they use the threat of physical harm to get victims to obey their orders.

Therefore, if physical bullies ever attack you, it’s best to defend yourself. You have every right to do so.

If you can’t defend yourself because of size, lack of strength, or physical ailment, get the police involved. At least have them make out a report.

The law may or may not do anything for you. However, if they make a report and you get a copy of that report, you have a paper trail. Also, you have established a history of abuse on the part of your bullies.

Moreover, you should also document each occurrence of physical abuse, even if it happens only once. Remember that documentation of bullying and abuse is admissible in court because it’s sufficient evidence.

You have a God-given right to be free from harm. Don’t hesitate to assert that right!

3. the signs of Coercive control also include Isolating the victim.

When controlling abusers isolate their victims, they do it deliberately to cut them off from any support they may otherwise receive from others.

For instance, abusive spouses and partners will stop their partners from having anything to do with their family and friends. They will talk trash about the other people that love the partner. Also, they will lay guilt trips on their victim for spending time with family and friends.

They will also claim that the other family members and close friends don’t really love the partner and plant seeds of doubt in their minds about them.

Moreover, bullies at school and in the workplace will use smear campaigns to turn the victims friends against them. They will also do everything they can to prevent the victim from making any new friends.

Even worse, they will go as far as to try to turn the victim’s family members against them too, if they can.

Again, they do this on purpose because their goal is to isolate the victim from support networks. This way, they can better keep their victim under their control.

This is why you must stand firmly against this kind of abuse if it happens to you. And if you can’t stand against it, document everything then leave the environment. Leave the company or the town if you must. But, get away fast!

Next, consult an attorney if you can afford it. Lastly, file suit against them if you have sufficient evidence to do so.

4. They watch you closely.

Bullies and abusers will watch you like a hawk! Abusive partners, school bullies and workplace harassers will stalk you online, going through your social media profiles.

They do this to see if they can find dirt on you to spread around.

Abusive partners will scroll through your phone to see if you are cheating or talking to potential mates. They will also text you to check up on you. They will ask where you are, who you’re with, and when you’re coming home.

Also, they will drive by your house to see who’s car is in your driveway, trying to find out if you have visitors. Moreover, they will also try to find out who those visitors are.

School and workplace bullies will also watch your house to find out the same things. These kinds of people have even been known to go through the victim’s trash. And they do this AFTER they follow them home.

And they usually do this while your garbage can is sitting on the edge of the street waiting for the next day’s garbage pick-up.

If possible, set up a home security system and dash-cam for your vehicle. Record these nosy nut-bags. Remember, stalking and invasion of privacy is illegal and you can press charges. You can also sue the pants off them.

However, you must first gather your evidence and enough of it.

5. coercive control can also come in the form of cutting off any financial support the victim may receive.

This form of coercive control happens mostly in relationships between romantic partners and spouses. And when it does, the abuser often prevents the victim from going to work or getting a job.

Bullying partners do this deliberately to keep the victim dependent solely on them for financial support. Thus, making it more difficult to walk out on them and compelling the victim to stay in the abusive relationship.

Moreover, abusive partners may withhold money from the victim to punish them for a perceived slight. In this, they cause the partner to go without food, shelter, or clothing as a punishment. This keeps the victim in line and gives the abuser continued control.

financial control doesn’t only happen in romantic and spousal relationships.

Although this happens mostly in relationships, school and workplace bullies can also exert this kind of control. For instance, school bullies will take the victim’s lunch money. They also may coerce the victim to hand over the money they brought for school pictures and yearbooks. Realize that this is also a form of financial control.

Workplace bullies may cause the company to demote the target, which usually comes with a huge pay cut. They may also deliberately get the victim terminated.

Also, as if that isn’t enough, workplace bullies will also attempt to blackball the target and prevent them for gaining employment anywhere else. Thus, they prevent their target from supporting themselves or feeding their families.

Understand that this is also financial control because it cuts the target and his/her family from any financial support. I know a few people that have endured this and it took a long battle before they were able to overcome it and finally regain financial stability.

In conclusion, it is better to leave the relationship, however difficult it may be, before it gets this bad. Also document, I can’t repeat this enough! Documenting is crucial!

Also, you must document every instance of bullying in the workplace as well. Then, leave the toxic workplace before your bullies have a chance to get you fired. You’ll know the signs early on if you pay attention.

This post was all about the top signs of coercive control to help you to know when it’s time to plan your escape and get out from under it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators